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One of the tips La Shawn Barber gave at GodblogCon last week was to make your blog a safe place for civil discourse in the comments section. And as Boundless Line moderators can testify, it's not always easy to do if you want to remain a place for free expression of opinion.
Would requiring commentators' real names and addresses help? Radio talk show host Dennis Prager thinks so.
In a recent Townhall.com article, Prager says anonymity causes otherwise decent people to act "less morally." And it enables people to express their feelings (rather than opinions) in a way that is ruining public discourse. The Internet practice of giving everyone the ability to express himself anonymously for millions to read has debased public discourse. Cursing, ad hominem attacks and/or the utter absence of logic characterize a large percentage of many websites' "comments" sections. And because people tend to do what society says it is OK to do, many people, especially younger people, are coming to view such primitive forms of self-expression as acceptable.
Prager said that it didn't use the be this way. Letters to the editors of magazines and newspapers were written in a civil manner or they were not published. And even the ones that weren't published were respectful because they had to include their names and addresses.
At GodblogCon, Dr. Mohler said we should never post anything on our blog that we wouldn't want our pastor, a parent, or a neighbor to read. It's good advice for commentators too. And maybe a name and address requirement wouldn't hurt either.
HT: Justin Taylor
 La Shawn Barber is a freelance writer, blogger, and blog consultant; so says her website/blog La Shawn Barber's Corner. Here's what else her website says,
She is a columnist for the Washington Examiner, and her articles, essays, and book reviews have appeared in the Washington Post, Washington Times, Christian Research Journal, Christianity Today, Today’s Christian Woman, Beliefnet.com, National Review Online, Townhall.com, and other publications.
So La Shawn obviously knows a little about writing. And writing well in the new media is what she talked about in her GodblogCon workshop.
- Make your post easy to read -- Use a lot of white space and make long posts manageable by breaking it up.
- Be descriptive in your title ... so people don't misunderstand what you're trying to say. It also helps when people look for information online months from now.
- Be descriptive in your post -- This helps with search engine placement and prioritization.
- Check grammar and spelling -- If your blog is public it needs to be prepared for public consumption.
- Write the way you speak -- Be casual and conversational. It helps people connect with you.
- Good writing takes time to develop -- The more we do things the better we get, and the easier it gets. So keep writing.
- Develop a routine -- Whether it's once a week or once a day, be consistent. It helps build your traffic. And people want to know when to expect an update.
- Controversy is king -- Don't be controversial for the sake of being controversial, but do put yourself out there. Talk about things that nobody feels comfortable talking about. And when you do, make sure you provide a safe place for discussion.
- Dispense with euphemism -- Call something what it is; call abortion murder.
- Be three dimensional -- Linking to sources builds credibility and adds depth. Online platforms are three dimensional so take advantage of it. You can't link in a print magazine or newspaper.
- Open comments for discussion and to build community -- This also helps build readership.
These are great tips for bloggers. I recognize that I do well with some of these and not so well with others. It would be helpful to get some feedback from our readers if there's a glaring weakness on our blog as a whole. See any?
Short blog posts
are fun.
You can see at a glance
whether you
like them
or not.
(Apologies to Steve Turner.)
After Ted posted a plea a few months ago to break Steve's comments record, we noticed you guys seemed to enjoy the open forum. We even talked about designating an "Open Forum Friday" so you could have some fun over the weekend, but never came to a formal decision.
Since it's a slow day on the blog (with three of our contributors on vacation), I thought I'd open it up. Nothing formal mind you. Just for fun.
I'll start with something random.
I'm a big Napoleon Dynamite and Nacho Libre fan and have been keeping my ears open for any news on the next Jared Hess movie. Anybody heard anything?
Over at Desiring God's blog, Abraham Piper has a helpful post on reading blogs well for those who want to be good stewards of their time on the Internet. He recommends that we read the Bible first, stay away from trash, and utilize time saving tools and methods such as RSS feeds and scanning articles.
Piper also provides some useful advice about the comments section, which is particularly relevant for our blog given the recent Catholic/Protestant debate. Be quick to listen, slow to comment.
The comments section beneath a blog post is meant to further the discussion that the post began. If commenters keep this goal in mind, comments can be very helpful. I try to do my part by asking myself whether I am making a contribution to the discussion with my comment. I don't mean anything fancy -- just something that is encouraging, clarifying, or maybe just pleasant. Often I discover that my goal is not to contribute but to correct, or worse, criticize. In these cases, I delete the comment and stay out of the fray.
Another good rule is, if you wouldn't say it to someone in person, don't say it on a blog either. Of course, this isn't a perfect rule, since some of us are mean in person too. Maybe better would just be: Be kind and be positive.
How would you characterize our comments section? Is it too much correction and not enough kindness? And can we meld the two? Is it possible to correct and criticize (in the evaluation sense, not the finding fault sense) in a kind and positive manner? Or should we follow Piper's example and never correct or criticize?
HT: Between Two Worlds
South Beach, Atkins, Weight Watchers, Slim Fast. The methods for losing weight are as many as there are excess pounds in our bodies. Still, conventional wisdom says whatever you do to slim down, "no pain, no gain." Deprivation. That's what it's all about.
My problem is that extreme diets and exercise, though able to produce bursts of success, leave me more likely to binge and less likely to maintain any progress they produce. Today's Focus on the Family broadcast gave me new hope that maybe it's possible to slim down and tone up through minor adjustments and lifestyle changes.
John Trent talks about little changes that over time, accumulate to produce dramatic degrees of transformation. He uses an illustration from space to make his point. "Just a two-degree shift in Apollo 13's homeward course would have caused the spacecraft to miss the earth by thousands of miles," he says. Minor course corrections can make a big difference.
His message is primarily about relationships. But one guy who heard him applied the principles to his weight. He started out by skipping seconds on desserts (!). Soon after, he had dessert only every-other night. Then he decided to take his dogs for a walk around the block, at night, so no one would see him. In the end all these little changes lead to more little changes that made a huge difference. He lost over 100 lbs. and ran the Marine Corps Marathon.
That's an approach I can implement. What about you? What areas in your life need improvement? Your waistline, your checkbook, your daily devotions, your media and entertainment choices? What little changes could you make to transform your life?
It's clear from the rag tag comments on Motte's post about Bridal Gift Registries that the Boundless Line readers would benefit from reading Miss Manners on Painfully Proper Weddings, by Judith Martin.
Contrary to the title, this book is a painless and quite entertaining read. More importantly, it's a needed reminder that etiquette is more than a set of stuffy old rules. It's the means by which we may interact with other people in a way that has their interests at heart. It's a more formalized version of the second greatest commandment, if you will. It's the Golden Rule applied to specific social settings.
What it isn't, is a hodge-podge of personal opinions about what seems like the right or logical way to proceed in certain settings (see the comments on Motte's post to see what that looks like). If we were left to our inclinations alone, it's not hard to imagine weddings devolving into chaotic get-togethers.
In case you're not inclined to read the whole book, here are a few snippets:
1. Registering for anything and everything is crass, as is including little "we are registered at" cards in the wedding invitations. (If you register, keep it to yourself until and unless someone asks you if you have and where.)
2. Wedding gifts are given at the discretion of the guests -- it's their way of saying, "we want to help the young couple get off on the right start"
3. Wedding gifts are not the price of admission to the ceremony or reception, nor are gifts expected to cost a certain amount or cover what the bride and groom spent on dinner.
4. It is never appropriate to ask for cash, nor offer the "option" of guests paying for certain elements of the wedding or honeymoon, nor even to suggest "in lieu of gifts, please donate to our favorite charity" (for more, see point 2.)
Just because you think something is done out of respect for etiquette doesn't mean it is. Many of the customs we Americans have adopted around weddings are in fact directly opposite of what's required. In many cases, one bride goofed, or misunderstood a tradition, and all her friends copied her, thinking she knew what she was doing. And before long, everyone was doing it.
My favorite example, from Martin's book, is that rectangular piece of tissue paper that accompanies all invitations these days. It's original purpose was to separate engraved invitations from one another, in order to prevent the ink from smearing during their transport from the print shop. As soon as the ink was dry, the tissue was discarded -- before the invitations were sent. Not only do most brides no longer engrave their invitations (too expensive), they keep that tissue in place for mailing (too funny). But alas, I did. I thought that was what etiquette required.
When in doubt, check.
This is just a taste of all the good and essential detail Martin covers in the book. I loved it so much -- even though it forced me to reckon with the many mistakes I made in my own wedding -- that it's my new favorite gift to give recently-engaged brides.
The Scandal
Why is it that when a Christian messes up we respond with the love of Christ, yet when sinners mess up we talk about the quick trip to hell they'll be receiving? Jesus always did the opposite -- he held Christians to a higher level and provided grace to sinners. Wouldn't it be great if we began to show God's grace to all sinners, regardless of what they've done? Wouldn't it be great if we could all remember the "Christian" is supposed to mean "like Christ" and that to uphold our position as Christians we began actually loving people, rather than judging them?
If we, as Christians, begin responding to our friends, neighbors and sinful politicians with the same love so many are showing Ted Haggard right now the world will truly be changed.
Donny
* * *Election 2006 Wrap-up
Well, it looks like South Dakota passed its marriage amendment, but not the prohibition on abortion. I have a feeling that if states like South Dakota can't pass limitations on abortion, we'll never be able to limit it. Although, it was a pretty close race. Maybe if those in support of abortion stop having children, and those in opposition of abortion be fruitful and multiply, the morals of the nation will be able to change with population shifts.
Becky
* * *Ted: Recipient of Church Discipline
You've got to be kidding. Ted Slater underwent church discipline for dating someone in spite of her father's objections? Unless some grave moral sin is involved it's a matter between the father and Mr. Slater, not a matter for the church.
There is a time and place for church discipline. Imposing church discipline for breaking rigid, legalistic man-made rules about dating is an abuse of the discipline process. I would counsel Mr. Slater to find a new church which has a better balance of grace and law.
Russ
Introductions and a Halloween Story
I've heard of Hell Houses. There are different kinds with different setups. The one I heard a lot about was the one where there was a plane crash simulation and some people went to heaven and others to hell. Well, I'm sure heaven was great, but one person who had to "experience" hell said that people dressed as demons were flying and swooping down on the people in hell. He said that it was pretty creepy.
The Hell House I went to was not that spectacular, but I think for me and probably for the other Christians that were there with me, it served as a reminder of the seriousness of sin. However, I think that when it comes to non-Christians and witnessing, the "scare people to Jesus" tactic is not very effective compared to when it was used in the 18th century. I think that now, Christians really have to understand what they believe and why they believe it (not to say that the Christian leaders in the 1700s didn't).
We just can't say, you're doing this sin and you are going to hell and expect people to fall on their knees feeling immense guilt. Also, we have to be good listeners and really see where people are coming from. People don't want to be condemned and told they are doing something wrong. Yet, people really do want to know the grace and love of God and the freedom that comes from Christ.
Amber
* * *John Kerry's Low Estimation of College Students
Though I myself lean towards the conservative spectrum of politics and did not vote for Senator Kerry in the previous election, I still must "be fair" by saying that Senator Kerry's spokesmen say his quote was taken out of context. And yet, even if it was, indeed, taken out of context, Senator Kerry (or whomever writes his speeches) should've known better and not included that in the speech. Even if you (and/or your political party) doesn't support the country's involvement in a particular war or military effort, it should be a no-brainer that you don't insult the troops involved, for even citizens who agree with your anti-war stance could still think such a statement is distasteful, insulting, etc.
Marc
* * *You say you're repulsed by John Kerry's "denigration of the US military". However, instead of saying "If you don't (make an effort to be smart), you get stuck in Iraq" apparently Kerry meant to say "If you don't, you get us stuck in Iraq" -- apparently aimed at George W Bush, not US Troops.
Either way, as an Australian, I don't have an opinion of the matter -- I'm not much of a fan of Bush, and less so of Kerry. I just thought someone should put forward a defense for Kerry.
I heard this "correction" reported in my state newspaper (The Courier Mail in Queensland) and imagine it was reported in the US too.
Leah
* * *Questioning Contraception
While Plan B is certainly something I do not support, I'd be very interested in hearing your opinions on using contraception within marriage. I have heard varying points of view on the subject, ranging from a strict adherence to using birth control, to believing that it's unbiblical to limit God's plan. What's your take?
Cherise
* * *Ted Haggard's Sin
I found Ted Slater's responses to Pastor Ted Haggard's troubles and those of Senator John Kerry to be revealing. If each of these men has done something sinful, or simply unwise, why would Christians not respond to both situations by praying for the men and their families?
Both Haggard and Kerry are Christians. There's a difference in the nature of what each has done, of course, but the difference of Slater's response to Senator Kerry's indiscretion (calling his actions offensive, printing an unflattering picture) and his response to Pastor Haggard's sin (prayer, prayer, and more prayer) suggests that perhaps Boundless has been blinded by political animosity rather than consumed by Christian love in this particular case.
Laura
* * *Your response was soothing. The title of your article and what is in the article are different. We are not even sure, as you mentioned in your article, that Ted Haggard sinned, so why title the article "Ted Haggard's Sin"? I guess it was just to get people's attention.
I hope a lot of Christians read your response. We should learn that when we attack another that we are actually attacking ourselves because we are all members of one body. Even if the man sinned, as Jesus said, he who has not sinned should be first to throw a stone. We should not be instruments and become accusers, which is exactly what the enemy intends this to be.
We should all remember that we are saved by grace and if that thinks he stands, should take heed lest he fall. Even if we eventually find out that Ted Haggard sinned, in the midst of whatever discipline, we should should not forget to balance it with love. May His grace continue to sustain us all.
Opeyemi
David Kuo's Political Folly
There's a saying: "Politics is downstream from culture."
For years, politically active Christians seem not to have understood this, and put the cart before the horse by trying to "transform the culture" through political action. You write: "As secular humanists continue their attack on the moral fiber of this nation, he contends it's disgraceful that Christians aren't more involved the political arena." Restoring the moral fiber of the nation is going to take a lot more than political action. Real cultural change has to come from the bottom up, not the top down; by changing people's hearts and minds rather than by taking over the apparatus of the state.
The end result of political involvement is that we're a bunch of political whores who are being used by GOP candidates to get them elected. Take the abortion issue. If the Republicans were truly pro-life, they would have outright banned abortion years ago when they gained control of Congress and the White House. But they haven't, and we can see where their priorities lie. (An outrageous example: The American Enterprise's "Darlin' Arlen")
One way to see why is to look for perverse incentives: they have no incentive to ban abortion because then conservative Christians and pro-lifers would have no reason to elect them. Instead, they hand out useless bones like the Partial Birth Abortion ban.
Simon
* * *An Unapologetically Dark House on Halloween
Thank you, Mr. Brown, for your thoughtful and certainly God-submitted response to the Halloween debate. Living here in Australia where Halloween has not caught on in a big way, this is something we haven't yet had to address. Only a handful of kids will head out trick-or-treating in our neighbourhood this year. But, were involvement a real option, I'd have to consider the Scripture which exhorts us to abstain from all appearance of evil. Surely there must be some confusion when Christians willingly embrace activities which are based on a pagan theme.
One of my seven year-old music students came to me with an interesting thought during his lesson last week. "Mum says I can do Halloween," he said, "But I just don't want to. I know it's not of God. But then I do want to, cause it sounds fun. But I want to be godly." On his own, his conscience was telling him that Halloween might not be "godly". That was a powerful message for me. I encouraged him to ask his mother if he could perhaps have a little party to celebrate All Saints' Day, on November 1st, and remember godly men and women of the past.
Thanks for being bold enough to tackle controversy head on. Regardless of whether I agree with your final conclusions or not, I appreciate Boundless' thoughtful and Bible-centred approach. And in this case, I'm with you in your final consensus :).
Blessings,
Danielle, WA, Australia
* * *I enjoy your blog. But I have to say that Motte's latest blog was a tad OTT (over the top), a mite reactionary to Tim Challies' Halloween post.
Reactions are always dangerous. Challies was speaking from a considered stance but Motte bordered on an ad hominem attack.
Motte may be the stronger brother here (Romans 14). Should he not bear with Challies' alleged weakness?
Blessings,
Mark, Surrey, BC
* * *Excellent post.
Rey
www.biblearchive.com
* * *I read with interest your posts on the topic of Halloween. Though I'm not a parent, I presume someday I will be making decisions about how/whether to celebrate Halloween at my home.
I think that Halloween is really what you make of it -- if you go into the week of Halloween filled with dread that this demonic holiday is taking place, you will probably feel like there is serious spiritual warfare taking place. If you allow your kids to dress up in something innocuous and ring the doorbells of their grandparents and a few trusted friends and enjoy the candy afterward, it will probably feel like a harmless pastime. And I absolutely agree with Dr. Dobson -- parents should stick to their own convictions. Unfortunately, that's sometimes easier for those with the strict anti-Halloween values to do without having guilt heaped upon them by other parents.
It occurs to me, though, that if we spurn Halloween but instead opt for a church activity like a Pumpkin Party, Fall Fling, or Bible Character Dress-Up Night (and I'm not talking about Reformation Day or All Saints' Day, as those do have some historical significance of their own) we are essentially celebrating Halloween -- we're just calling it something else. And I find it ironic that the fundamental Christians who decry contemporary Christian Music as "just a bad copy of the world's rock music" will be first in line to haul out Dad's old bathrobe for a dress-up night or brush up on their pumpkin-seed-spitting skills for an "autumn" celebration at church.
Kristen
* * *Halloween and Fear of Man
Reading the different viewpoints on Halloween has been very interesting for me as I am evaluating my own response to the holiday. Ted Slater's comment comparing Halloween with Ramadan struck a chord with me. I have lived in Muslim countries and I have found that the meaning that Muslims place with Ramadan is different from person to person. Some people are just fasting out of cultural obligation, some are trying to earn their salvation but some are earnestly seeking to know God better. I have spent the past three years keeping Ramadan along with Muslims all around the world, praying with them that they may truly find God through Jesus Christ. Can we as Christians find a similar response to Halloween or is there truly no redemption in it?
Bethany
P.S. I really enjoy reading Boundless and getting alternative views on American culture today. Thanks and keep it up!
* * *An Evolutionary Thing
Interestingly up until the 1900's just about every great "thinker/philosopher" believed in the existence of a higher being. Perhaps they didn't put their faith into practice or were Deists but believed in a being nonetheless.
I once asked a psychiatrist whether or not she believed that God/religion was real or simply a result of evolution; a way for humans to cope with things they don't understand. She answered that although she believed in evolution and didn't think the current descriptions of God were true that there certain things in this world she could not explain. Thus she said for herself she has developed an "in between" philosophy on the matter.
What some secularists in this world want is undeniable proof of a God (Bertrand Russell stated that if he did meet God face to face and was asked why he didn't believe he would respond that He (God) didn't give him enough evidence). However the Bible says that without faith it is impossible to please God (Heb 11:6).
That does not mean however that faith is for the "weak", "unlearned", etc. We practice it all the time. In our criminal court trials for example, we issue the verdict "guilty" or "not guilty". "Not guilty" doesn't mean necessarily that the jurors think the person is innocent. It simply means that there is not enough evidence to overturn the default presumption of "Innocent until proven guilty". We in essence are "acting on faith" the same as in Christianity.
The crux of the evolutionist way of thinking is that rather than start out with an open mind most evolutionists have as their baseline postulate/axiom "There is no God". Thus it is relatively easy for them to explain away just about every argument for God because they already "believe" that there is no God to begin with.
However, the Austrian philosopher/mathematician Kurt Goedel proved that ALL logical conclusions (i.e. theorems) must be based upon axioms which can NEVER be proven and must be taken on faith. In layman's terms, it essentially means that all conclusions are based upon a set of assumptions which must be taken on faith. For the evolutionist it may be "There is no God". For those who do, it may be "There is a God". The point though is that both parties must act on faith so those that say they never act on faith are full of carmel soot.
Personally, I adopt the "Pascal's Wager" approach. I'd rather live like there is a God and through life's discomforts than not live like there is one and suffer the eternal consequences of His existence. If there truly is no God then my existence/memory on life, indeed everyone's becomes meaningless. But if there is God and if He is "keeping score" then how I live my life becomes very important and in the scope of eternity 80 or so years suddenly become of extreme value.
Mike
* * *Top Ten Reasons Singles Aren't Marrying
You forgot one -- not being pursued.
I'm a single woman at 30 because I have not been pursued and I refuse to do the pursuing. I know many other woman who are my age and have also not been pursued, despite being available, active in the church, accomplished, focused on home and family, and all the other stuff we're supposed to be doing.
I just read the latest "Sex and the Single Guy" and I have to say that that's the approach I've taken all along to casual male relationships (not letting them be surrogate relationships to the real thing) and sometimes I wonder if that's why I find myself, at 30, still single.
But then, ultimately it must also be the will of God. I told Him I would wait on Him. And I'm still waiting.
RTL
* * *I feel like 80% of the posts on this blog and your site lately have been about telling Christian singles (usually guys) that it's a good thing to be married, and to stop procrastinating, to stop coming up with excuses, to lower expectations (that is, don't keep looking for "the one"), and just get married!
The thing is, I, and probably most of the Christian guys I know, don't need this convincing. We all want marriage! We have for a while. But for a variety of reasons, it's not happening. For me, I just haven't met and gotten to know a Christian woman where we've both wanted a relationship with each other. As simple as that. But some of my guy friends are in relationships with Christian women, and it's been their girlfriend's hesitation towards commitment that's been the issue, not the other way around, as many of the posts on your site seem to indicate.
I guess I'd just appreciate a little more sensitivity towards the guys that do want marriage, but just haven't found a relationship yet, and those that want marriage, but who are waiting and earnestly seeking guidance from God about their girlfriend's lack of readiness. We don't need convincing. And a little more advice on how to find and get to know women before one can even initiate a relationship wouldn't hurt.
David
* * *I find it very interesting reading this list of reasons why people delay marriage ... mainly because so many of them were reasons I have used at one point or another in my life. Growing up in a divorce-torn home left me ripe for the picking when it came to the devil's lies about marriage. Fortunately in the past two years I have been privileged enough to have mentors who went through Bondage Breaker with me and forced me to confront the lies about my inadequacy, fear, confusion, and skepticism about marriage and my past.
I would highly encourage others, male and female, to not simply "try harder" in this area of romantic relationships, but also look at the spiritual realm. After all, did God not create us spiritual beings? Why should we assume that this area of life is not affected by the spiritual realm.
I'm happy to say at this point that I am engaged to a lovely woman who shares my passion for God and cross-cultural missions. And hey, if God can take an insecure boy with no concept of what it is to be a man and turn him into someone willing and eager to tackle the challenges of marriage, then He can do that for anyone!
Jonathan
* * *I think I would add, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" There is a reason why that quip has endured.
KBH
www.kevinhash.blogspot.com
It Takes a Purpose to Date
This question about the purpose of dating is a timely one. I'm currently reading "How to Get a Date Worth Keeping" by Dr. Henry Cloud, and he clearly advocates the concept of dating for fun, to get to know other people, and to find out what characteristics we want in a mate. (For the sake of honesty, I've only read half of the book.) Cloud rejects the idea of "serial monogamous dating" saying that we'll only sell ourselves out to the other person too soon and won't have enough dating experiences. On several occasions he makes positive references to guys dating five women at once. This is where I start to question his methods of dating purely for fun and enjoyment. As a guy, I can barely work in enough time for myself, let alone try to schedule five women a week, month, or whatever he means by "at once." This sounds like a logistical nightmare. The financial repercussions of this type of activity could quickly spiral out of control. Additionally, I think being seen out with a bunch of different women in a small town (in my case) could harm my, or any other guy's, reputation.
I'm not trying to bash the book, especially since I haven't finished it yet. I do agree that getting out of your rut and meeting new people of the opposite sex is crucial to finding a mate; the chances of God dropping a spouse in your lap is very unlikely. The biggest problem that I have with Cloud's concept on high throughput dating is that he assumes that there are two emotionally healthy people on each date, and that they perfectly understand that each is there simply to have fun that evening and not look beyond that. In my experience, this has not been the case. Typically, on any of my dates, there have/has been zero to one healthy people/person present. The potential to do a lot of damage while dating numerous people simultaneously is immense.
There's a twinge of guilt that I feel any time I even think about starting or maintaining relationships with more than one woman for the purpose of spouse-finding. If I was dating, even "just for fun," several women at once, I'd think I'd tire of cycling them through a revolving door of sorts and having the same conversations over and over. I wonder if after awhile I'd get in such a habit of not committing and always looking for a new date that I'd eventually have a total aversion to commitment. Mass-dating seems similar to the article on Boundless several months ago about the analogy of "test-driving" your girl friend, only in a non-sexual way.
In order to date effectively, I'm finally learning that I can't sell out for a girl after the first date and that I need to maintain my boundaries. I think this is done best by interacting in groups, or even going out on a few dates with the girl. If it works out--great. I'll keep dating her. If not, I won't pursue her anymore. Ultimately, I don't like to be just another guy a girl pulls off a shelf to date, and I don't want to do that to a girl, either.
Mark
* * *
What Makes For Good Worship?
Those were some excellent points made by Phil Simpson that Ted quoted. I've felt that sometimes worship at my church was more about us and what were "doing" than God and who He is. This is not always the case, but usually one to two songs each service are of the "procrastination" genre. I tend to believe that those kinds of songs give the appearance of praise, inspiring us to praise Jesus, but then, once the song is over, we can forget to actually enter into that active, life encompassing praise. It's like, when I was a teenager, I would tell my mother that I would empty the dishwasher after the next commercial break. And then I never would — I forgot after that initial moment. I hate to compare praise of the Lord and Savior of humanity with emptying a dishwasher but worship at some churches is just that rote.
When I listen to praise and worship music outside of weekend and mid-week services, I find that I gravitate to the songs which highlight the attributes of God and what He's done in me. Plus, worship songs affect me differently at various times, depending on where I am at with the Lord. My current favorites are the old hymns and just about anything off a Third Day Offerings album.
Sincerely,
Samantha
* * *
Sometimes the old songs are the best ones. See if this chestnut from 1774 fits the criteria Ted Slater sets forth:
http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/f/n/fncgrace.htm
There's more doctrine in this hymn than in some sermons I've heard!
John
* * *
Helpful post, Ted. I think there's a general lack of a "vocabulary" with which to discuss the topic of 'sacred music' in our contemporary context. This is how I usually like to categorize the music [this is me personally; speaking merely as a layperson]: there are praise songs (directed to God), exhortation songs (to each other), story songs (about God, either directed to him or to each other), prayer songs (asking God for something). Am I missing any? Obviously, many songs are various combinations of these general types and many variations in between, with different manners of execution (style, tempo, etc.). I think it is important to incorporate a lot of categories whenever possible, but if I were a worship leader, I would probably emphasize praise and story songs.
One error I have encountered in my own church is an overemphasis on certain lyrics that sound extremely pious (a lot of self-sacrifice or "I'm not worthy"-type language), but the focus tends to be on the worshipper and not God. Usually they seem to happen in the form of a prayer song (God make me; God give me; Lord, I need to be; I really want to;). I think those songs are good and necessary, as long as they are not the only focus of the worship service. I think magnifying God's person via praise and/or story songs is going to be more edifying to a worshipper's walk than focusing on the person's needs.
That being said, the song "Above All" that you mentioned was actually part of an important moment of emotional healing for me after a brief time of deep depression last year. In spite of the use of the ending phrase "thought of me above all", the message that comes across seems to focus on God's work. In my case, the song did not lead me to focus on myself.
Again thanks for the post, and sorry for such a wordy response.
Josh
* * *
The Boys of Bozeman
I liked Steve's question: "Are men who see they are
outnumbered going to get motivated and start competing
with the men around them for the pool of available
women?" But I twitched a bit at it — we women don't
want to be seen as a limited number of prey offered up
to a few hunters. Heck, we don't want to be seen as
prey at all! We want to be evaluated as individul
female humans, not merely as one of numerous possible
fillers for the "wife slot" in a man's life.
I want a man to want ME as his wife, not mere "make
do" with me, because competition is fierce and
pickin's seem slim. And I suspect the feeling is mutual!
Name withheld at author's request
* * *
I wouldn't see how it would be a problem, especially for men. People aren't a finite resource, there are always more being born, and (more importantly) moving past the census age cutoff into a marriageable age range. So, barring a population imbalance, there will always be people for each other, the odds of marrying someone the same age just goes down.
While this is potentially problematic for women since their odds of ever marrying decreases as they age, women don't seem to have any problem marrying men who are older than they are. So, I would see no reason for mass panic, and I'm personally set, so I'm not panicking either.
Robert
* * *
Weary of Being Wired
Suzanne Hadley's post, Weary of Being Wired, reminded me of a quote I read
recently by one Dennis Fluegel: "If Bill Gates invented the telephone and
Alexander Graham Bell invented e-mail, we would all be saying, 'You should
get one of these telephones, you can actually talk to someone, hear what they
are saying, and you don't have to use a keyboard!'" (World Magazine, October
7, 2006, accessed October 15,
2006). Though he has a valid point about the faddishness of modern
technologies, I suspect he unwittingly underscored a major cause of said
problem: a general lack of education about such technologies. Though
Microsoft is certainly one of the several companies that have been a
significant driving force behind the popularization of email and the Web for
business purposes, I don't think that implying that Bill Gates invented email
is any more accurate than saying that Thomas Edison invented the telephone or
that Al Gore invented the Internet.
Of course, I understand that one does not need to have a full knowledge of the
history of a technology in order to be able to use it properly. But since
history is part of a well-rounded education, I think the fact that the
general population doesn't understand where our Internet technologies came
from suggests that they have not been well-educated about how such
technologies function or should be used either. Perhaps if we as a people
had a better handle on the origins, purposes, pros, and cons of the various
Internet services we use, then we would be more readily able to make wise
decisions about how to use those in a way that is moderated and beneficial,
whether it be using email for business transactions or using the Web for
socialization.
Joshua
* * *
My Year in Mexico
I'd be interested in knowing more about Manuel Arenas who "sensed the Lord calling him to a life of celibate service, a life of ministry that was not conducive to married life." What did this sensing involve? I assume he must be an example of somebody having the gift of celibacy as Al Mohler and FOTF/Boundless promote, as opposed to somebody who chose singleness to serve God better in spite of struggles with lust and loneliness, as seems to be the case with people like John Stott, John Chapman and others. I don't believe the gift of celibacy interpretation is correct, but I would love to know about anybody who decided they had the gift of celibacy, as I know of no examples (except Paul if my interpretation is incorrect). Thanks,
Philip
* * *
Beauty and Politics
It should be noted that in the same passage where God says to Samuel (regarding all of Jesse's sons) that He looks at the heart, it is also said of David that he was ruddy & handsome.
So he sent and had him brought in. He was ruddy, with a fine appearance and handsome features. Then the LORD said, "Rise and anoint him; he is the one." So Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the presence of his brothers, and from that day on the Spirit of the LORD came upon David in power. Samuel then went to Ramah. (1 Samuel 16:12-13)
Also what about the story of Esther? The whole reason that she was Queen, was that she was Beautiful.
I think something that we would do well to remember is that God created beauty ... it was His idea. Our response to beauty, is in part, our natural response to God, and His nature. I understand the author's point that physical appearance should not be our only basis for decided who to vote for, but let's not throw the baby out with the bathwater.
Beth
* * *
Less of Life Married
I read a lot of the comment about the NYT article about marriage. I have not read the article, though. Almost all the comments dishearten me and make me realize how much society thinks that children are a nuisance, that women are not "independent" if they don't hate men and build careers, and that men make horrible partners because they are not willing to help around the house.
Unfortunately, they are all disillusioned and wrong: 1. Every single person ever created (besides Adam and Eve) started out as a child, and with good parenting children don't have to be "annoying." 2. My grandmothers stayed at home with their kids, my mom stayed at home with her kids, and I strongly desire to stay home with my future children. Whether I get to stay home or not will unfortunately depend on our financial situation, because my husband in training to be a pastor, and they have some of the lowest salaries. 3. I feel like my husband does more around the house than I do on most days. I know that when we have kids he will be a great father and will certainly help out. Both of our fathers were very involved and did their share of housework.
One comment about the article, from a "Don F.", I can wholey agree with:
"My wife and I have a post WWII 'traditional' marriage and family, where I go to work and she manages the house and takes care of our 2 children. I find it very rewarding to be able to provide my 2 sons with a childhood where they are cared for my their own mother every day. My wife loves 'being able to stay home.' We frequently speak about how blessed we are to be able to live this way. We have known a few families where the dad is the one to stay home, and I find very little of the sexist stigma attached to this arrangement that was seen years ago. Our house is smaller and more modest than those of my professional peers, but we feel that our life is richer, and we feel richer. Our home is full of love and noise and play and snuggles. This is the life I always wanted when I was single."
It's just so sad to hear all of the excuses that people come up with. I'm already praying for the parents of my future children's future spouses. I know that this society has so many negative messages, that I can only hope they raise my future children-in-law in similar ways that my husband and I will raise our kids.
Becky
* * *
Interestingly, a few commentators are taking significant issue with the NYT's interpretation of the data at an even more fundamental level than you are. See Michael Medved's blog on Monday, for example, which has some good analysis of the way the media has misused the statistics to show something rather different than what is actually the case according to these figures. We ought to be encouraged, rather than discouraged, at how good a state marriage is actually in — it is certainly not as horrid as it has been made to sound, and as Christians trying to protect and advocate marriage in our culture, that ought to encourage us immensely! God bless, and keep up the good work!
Chris
* * *
Deserved Beauty
Many of your articles have had me thinking and nodding my head in agreement.
When I look for models for how I should look for and treat a mate I think of Jesus and the Church and Hosea as models of sacrifice. But time and time again I find females looking to Jacob and Rachel as a model.
So I finally did a web search for "jacob loved rachel as a model" and found the article below.
Enjoy!
http://columns.crossmap.com/article/a-tale-of-two-sisters-rachel-and-leah/301.htm
Name withheld at author's request
* * *
Taking Steps
Hi! I appreciate your site and your advice for folks, both married and single, who are trying to stay pure before the Lord. I am a little bothered, however, by the advice in "Taking Steps" by Suzanne Hadley which talks about "preparing for a home" while you are still single. Practicing hospitality is a Scriptural mandate, and nurturing children is certainly in line with Jesus' command in Matthew 18. So the advice itself is Scripturally and logically sound.
My concern stems more from the spirit of the advice ... that working is only temporary ... so you should prepare for the future when your full-time job will be managing home and children. I found this sentence particularly troubling: "Skills you develop through education or job experience can help you in your future role as a wife and mother, so don't think of it as wasted time". Wasted time? The majority of all mothers have some type of outside employment. Some choose to take off time during their children's younger years. Others remain at home until their children are older (high school, college). But it is likely that nearly all moms will be employed at some point. Therefore, it is only prudent for women to develop the skills they will need in the workforce.
As a working mother, I have been on the receiving end of a lot of criticism and dirty looks because I choose to work outside the home. However, my husband and I believe that my work with students is a ministry that God has given me. Indeed, the woman of Proverbs 31 was a businesswoman, buying and planting vineyards, making and selling cloth. I see no Scriptural mandate for staying home. We need to be careful not to impose our "preferences" on other believers in matters of conscience.
Heather
On Books
C.S. Lewis' The Chronicles of Narnia have been very helpful to me. They put many aspects of Christianity in a format I can understand. Specifically, the Silver Chair's portrayal of faith. At the end of the book, the usually pessimistic Puddleglum tells the Green Lady that even if he had only ever imagined Narnia and the Sun, that they were so much better imaginings than her world, that he would rather spend his life searching for a dream that never existed, than live in the dreary one she could prove was real. Kind of a variant on Pascal's wager, but I've always found it very encouraging.
Second, kind of outside the Christian mainstream (and the one that has changed my thinking the most) is Wendell Berry's "The Art of the Common Place." It is a whole collection of essays, "The Body and the Earth", "Men and Women in Search of Common Ground", and "Christianity and the Survival of Creation" being the ones I consider his best. They challenge the way you think, and challenge you to change the way you live.
Robert
The Sixth Seal
Amen! What an appropriate response to world events — thanks to the author for a Christ-like approach to "end times" prophecy. Keep up the solid work, Boundless! I'm consistently encouraged by your articles and the truth they speak into my life.
Jessica
Are Americans Giving Up on Marriage?
I'm wondering if it'd be possible for the American Christian community to promote a more correct term for marriage. As it is in the mainstream, marriage brings a lot of connotations that do not reflect what God intended at all. The community has been successful in bringing to the common vocabulary "born again" so it seems good to me that there be a term that captures biblical marriage as well.
Marriage, once an institution of holy matrimony, is so diluted that the Times reporter may be right — the definition at large means nothing. Anyway, this is probably larger than us and would require a concerted campaign by all the family based organizations. Maybe it'd work?
Jonathan
Weary of Being Wired
I am a collegian who, too, has canceled his MySpace account. I just found it too addicting and it so tempting to post blog after blog after blog, all the while thinking you can hide behind a computer screen. You believe the computer screen gives you a sense of anonymity, so you can be whoever you want to be. In other words, you can have an "alter-ego" of sorts on your MySpace. Worse, this "alter-ego" can be your true self, while the public image the world sees is not your true self.
MySpace has lost its charm, indeed.
Marc
* * *And don't forget about the potential for rudeness inherent in text messaging. In the Fox article, sophomore Steve Miller explains his dissatisfaction with the medium: "Text messaging has become the easy way out," Miller says. He's had friends cancel a night out with a text message to avoid having to explain. He's also seen some people ask for dates via text to escape the humiliation of hearing a "no" on the phone or in person.
That's nothing. I recently got dumped by my boyfriend, a nice Christian young man who found me on Myspace. His method of dumping me was to change his Myspace status to single. When I noticed the next morning, he was "too busy at work" to talk via phone, and simply confirmed we were no longer together through text messaging. He would not elaborate on what caused this change of heart.
Eventually I got somewhat of an explanation via email, but he still refused to talk on the phone or see me in person. He lives only 15 minutes away, it wasn't like this was a long-distance or online relationship.
Name withheld at author's request
High School Reunion Lessons
Funny you should bring up class reunions.... I've been thinking a lot about my big 10-year reunion coming up next year. I have many fond memories of high school and was quite involved, so I was getting kind of excited to reconnect.
However, I recently succumbed to the pressure to open a Myspace account, and one evening last weekend I took the time to look at accounts for many of my high school friends. Though some of them seem to be doing alright, a few have had children out of wedlock, many seem to still be living in "the glory days" of going to the local bar every weekend, and one of my closest friends is now openly homosexual.
I was a Christian in high school, but my relationship with the Lord and walking with Him daily was not really solidified until college. Most of friends were good kids, and I even had the privilege of witnessing the salvation of a few of them during our grade school years, so it was disheartening to see so many who seem to have taken the postmodern route of "anything goes" during college and post-college years. At the same time, I went to bed that evening nearly in tears, knowing had it not been for the Lord's hand in my life and His grace (I Corinthians 15:10), I could very well be on the dead end road so many of them are on. I've since begun to pray for many of them, hoping by next year's reunion they will either have a different story to tell, or I'll have the chance to share what the Lord has done in my life.
Thanks for your encouragement.
Susan
Children of Divorce and Evangelical Churches
I think there is a difference between looking to a church and looking to God after parental divorce. While I am an adult child of divorce, I still remain a strong Christian. I would say that this has to do with God, not the church. My experience has been negative in regards to how I have been viewed and treated since my parents divorced, and I have had to make the choice to still attend church seek out Christian fellowship. Even Boundless seems to continually push or encourage marriage, yet I don't think there is a real understanding of what kind of damage can be done to this desire after parents divorce. Mine divorced a few years ago and the war still continues.
When I read all of the marriage topics or articles, I find myself having to try to read them without rolling my eyes or saying, "yeah right". While I know that God desires that we find healing and wholeness — something I AM seeking — I think that some individuals in the church can overlook the depth of our pain. Boundless may be right to encourage marriage — but what if I don't want it? What if my (outside) experience was so much pain that I don't want to venture even close to that sort of relationship, and hearing continual "marriage talk" within the church just makes the pain worse? Hardly a day goes by in a church that I'm not asked, "You're a beautiful, intelligent and interesting young woman. Why aren't you married?" Maybe I'm not married because I simply don't want to be.
Sometimes I dread being asked, "So, what do your parents do for a living?" because there is an instant assumption that they are still married. I find that others outside of the church don't make that mistake nearly as much. As I said, I do love God deeply. My desire is to follow Him and seek His will. I recognize that He did create marriage — I'm not at the place yet — but I find that the churches I've experienced haven't help me to work through the pain and to seek healing. I have been told by people things along the lines of, "Oh, you're parents divorced? That's too bad Sarah because you're a really great catch, but I don't want someone from a broken home."
I guess that's my thoughts on the matter: I've been alienated by the Church, but God has been faithful as always.
Sarah
The Meaning of Holding Hands
I watched The Bachelor Rome on Monday evening. "The Meaning of Holding Hands" by Motte Brown reminded me of my reaction to the show. The "Bachelor" held hands with many of the girls as they went on dates and spent some one-on-one time together. I found myself getting upset with him because he was not really "with" any of those girls. I think that Motte is totally right in saying that holding hands means exclusivity, especially to young women. I know that when I was dating that holding hands in public showed other people something. This just adds more things for me to talk about with my children in the future, when I have them, and when they are approaching adolescence.
Becky
Just Holding Hands
I just read "Just Holding Hands" written by Ted Slater and first would like to say that I admire his conviction to pursue physical, mental, and emotional purity during his courtship and engagement to his now wife. I too find that in todays society where people "make out" or "hook-up" with strangers, two people walking down the street hand in hand seems even more intimate; but I am concerned that we have allowed the perversion of Hollywood to affect our concept of intimacy. Ted says that he knew that it would be too easy to go from holding hands to wanting to go further. Now I absolutely respect someone who is honest with their temptations and it is a mark of godliness that Ted would not take the hand of the women he was courting, but was the problem the temptation that would be caused by taking the hand of someone he cared about or the fact that he would go from holding a hand to lust so easily.
I have decided to wait until I am at least engaged to kiss my future husband, but why is it that I cannot show and honest sign of affection without wanting sex. Other cultures can separate a kiss as a sign of affection. Some day when I am married and my husband comes home, and I have had a long stressful day with the kids, can he give me a kiss to say I love you and not expect or want anything else. Maybe this is just wishful thinking and probably shows my lack of understanding when it comes to the Y chromosome, but is a simple act like holding hands without lust too much to ask.
Blair
* * *Bravo! I love to hear stories of couples who have truly upheld their purity as they grew in love. Thank you for sharing this inspiring (and challenging!) testimony.
Cherise
Missing the Bus
I appreciated what David had to say about women not being at a place where they would be a blessing to a husband. I do think that this is something that should be stressed and I agree with Jacob that women can't expect to marry John MacArthurs, etc.
I think that both men and women do struggle in some ways with standards. It seems to me that women do hold men to high standards in spirituality, etc. — but I know for myself that the reasoning behind those standards is that if I am going to submit myself to someone — he'd better be someone that I already respect. No, a potential date doesn't have to have the maturity of John MacArthur, but if I don't respect him now, a marriage would be starting out on the wrong foot. A guy doesn't have to be John MacArthur for me to respect him, but he does need to be in a growing relationship with the Lord, someone who asks me questions/makes comments that challenge my thinking and my walk with the Lord, someone who encourages me and someone who is passionate about the ministry of the Lord. I want someone who is going to continue growing and who will spur me on to continue to grow. I don't think that that is too high of a standard at all.
However, I think if it is to be said that women should seriously consider their maturity standards, then I think men need to seriously reconsider their physical standards. I'm a fourth semester student at a very conservative seminary. I've been watching and I've seen which single girls don't stay single very long. The guys flock to the pretty, made up girls. Others, who do care for themselves (they just aren't beauty queens) and are amazing women of God, are virtually ignored. It's extremely frustrating to see girls who are naturally plainer in features constantly ignored!! Some of these women would make amazing wives, but men don't give them a second glance. I understand that there is a need for attraction there, but I do think that it can be overstated at times — just like with the women who want John MacArthurs.
I appreciate the reminder in these articles to avoid bashing the opposite sex. It's all too easy to become frustrated with singleness and to take it out on others. Thanks for letting me ramble....
Christine
* * *Going to GodBlogCon
I noticed your post today concerning God Blog Con and I'm very glad that you're coming. I look forward to meeting you and whoever else is coming. I used to work for Focus when they were here in Pomona, so it's always fun to meet other staff who work there now.
Have a nice weekend!
Stacy
Missing the Bus
David's comment about too many women blaming men for their singleness reminded me of a sermon I heard last year. In a Covenant Life Church podcast on courtship and community (given on 11-20-05), Joshua Harris pointed out that too many Christian women expect the young Christian men to be as mature and godly as the older men in the church who have been married for 10 or 15 years, and forget that they've had that 15 years and a wife to help them to where they are. Harris wasn't saying, nor am I suggesting either, that Christian women don't need to set standards for potential husbands, but when they expect the man they marry to be as mature as a John MacArthur, they are ignoring reality and a whole bunch of serious, committed Christian men who, by the grace of God, could be a MacArthur or Sproul in 10 or 20 years ... assuming they had a wife to help. Where are the Christian men? We're right here.
Jacob
* * *
I just read Suzanne Hadley article called "Missing the Bus." After reading it I too was convicted. I often feel helpless in my pursuit of a husband and realized maybe I have more power than I realize. My question is this, what do you think are qualities that singles can work on now while they are single? Now I realize that I need to concentrate on growing in my relationship with Christ first and foremost but I wonder if there are more practical steps. I have noticed that the majority of my close friends are single, and most have never seriously dated at all. I have acquaintances whose entire group of close friends is married. I have had male friends tell me that I am "an awesome women of God," but for some reason have not been pursued. As a fellow single (at least I think you're single) do you ever wonder why you're still single? What is it that men want? -- I am willing to work on whatever necessary to be a blessing to a husband. I am already dedicated to being all that Christ wants me to be....
Blair
* * *
In reading "Missing the Bus" I too was convicted by the reader's comment to your post. I do feel this is a problem with me and with others I know, specifically in my situation at a small, conservative Christian college (with a "ring by spring" attitude held at least implicitly by many women, no less). But I was left wondering exactly what we're to do. The reader mentions that women are taking the right steps physically, but not aligning their hearts with God's will. Could you elaborate on this idea, on your reactions, and give any thoughts that you feel would be helpful to women in this situation? To complicate matters, there is the ever-present dilemma for us of deciding on a career path, when our true desire is to be married and have a family. How are we to align our hearts with God's will in making decisions incorporating these possibilities, and still control our desires and conduct ourselves in a fruitful and cautious way in friendships with the opposite sex, while still single? I personally am finding it very difficult to make career development decisions while knowing that this is not the direction I want my life to lead permanently.
Anna
What's Next for the Church
Perhaps the need to "proclaim a manly Jesus" is not so much about creating a superhero story, but merely a call to teach His masculine sides as well. Sure, Jesus loved the little children and had house parties at Martha's. He also faced head on powerful pharisees and steadfastly received his sentence from Pilate. Do nice church boys hear about Jesus' commitment to take on evil or his courage under fire? Not very often. He's manly enough -- we just need to acknowledge it.
The military may be a good model for pastors to use in training their men. As Christians, we are meant to fight against an enemy infinitely more formidable than the cowardly terrorists of our time, yet we train with much less intensity than our earthly armed forces. And if so many young men continue to volunteer for the military, maybe the church should take it as a sign that men are more willing to live grueling lives than first assumed.
Jonathan
* * *
In What's Next for the Church, Suzanne Hadley wrote of her doubts about whether proclaiming a manly Jesus was the answer for the church. While nothing but obedience to the will of God is THE answer, nonetheless, engaging men with the church is absolutely critical. We have been pushing a feminized vision of Christianity for the several hundred years. The vast majority of ministry opportunities in our churches are easier for women. Most jobs require nurturing or teaching skills, relational skills, emotional skills, verbal skills -- all of which are present in men, but are more highly developed in women. Men are inspired by challenge, adventure, risk, and hands-on jobs at which they can succeed. It's no wonder that women outnumber men in our churches. We cater to women's needs.
Dan
* * *
I actually agree with Pastor Driscoll about the need to present a "more manly" Jesus. Yes it's important to emphasize Jesus' relationship with his Father, but unfortunately what I've witnessed in church growing up is a wavy-haired, turn the other cheek, sits with doves and sheep Jesus. Not to say that he wasn't about peace and that he didn't preach telling people to turn the other cheek, but the other side rarely seems to be presented. That what he did was dangerous, that following his Father's call took extraordinary courage, and that being a Christian man isn't all about being passive but instead about being active and being a part of an incredible adrenaline-rush adventure. It seems to me that that is what Driscoll is getting at in his statement, and if that is the case then i definitely agree with him.
Jonathan
The Real Jesus
I'm inclined to note that while I agree that glorifying the Father is extremely important -- the ultimate -- in who Christ was, I have also noted that the church as a whole is often presenting a rather feminized version of Christ -- particularly in more "moderate" or liberal churches. When we look at who Jesus really was, He essentially was a man, and there's a reason He came as a man: it's the closest depiction of His character. (Prof. Theophilus addressed the idea a little while back that men are the symbols of God, and thus the more imperfect symbol; whereas women are the symbols of creation, and a far better representation -- I think that's important to our understanding of this situation.) The goal should not be to present "Jesus Christ, superhero," and to be honest, having read a great deal of work by several of the pastors you mention, I doubt that's their intent. They want to present Christ as the man that he was, not the almost matronly figure He is all too often being presented as in the church. And to be blunt, I think you do those pastors a disservice by taking their intent as being to present Christ in a super-macho way, as to present His masculinity as an example for us to follow -- and that example is desperately needed, as I'm sure you're well aware from what I've seen of your writings on Boundless.
Chris
Marriage a Barrier to Wholeness?
Although I agree that marriage is no holier than singleness, I have to respond to Tami's comment about marrieds advising singles to be "complete in Christ." I know for myself that I have received that advice from equally single and married people in the church. I always understood that advice to mean that marriage was not be your everything. Sometimes some singles have the idea that marriage and or relationships will be the place in which they find fulfillment, value and worth. Then the relationships crumble under the weight of these unrealistic expectations, not realizing that their hunger for fulfillment and worth is really a misplaced hunger for God. Sometimes we demand that people validate us in a way they were never meant to. For some, it is easier to expect people to meet our needs, than it is to express those needs and desires to God.
What I am saying is, just like we demand a standard of behavior from someone but don't live it ourselves, so we expect a relationships and marriage to make us complete without living the very things that we want out of our relationships. For example, a single Christian woman may have the expectation of a Christian man to marry as someone who is a spiritual leader, sensitive, loyal, and caring. But can that single woman say that she mirrors those same qualities? You are what you attract.
It is my personal belief that if a person learns to see the blessings in their life, no matter what season they are in, they will learn not to base their happiness on being married and having a family. I am not advocating that it is wrong to want those thing. What I am advocating is having pure motives for wanting those things, not simply out of a belief that it will satisfy their own selfish needs, but out of a desire to glorify God and submit to his purpose and plan for their lives.
Jessica
Choosing Obedience over Options
I just read the article, "Choosing Obedience over Options" by Steve Watters, and have some comments. As I meet more "good" Christian singles, I am surprised by the lack of obedience in the matter of sexual purity. Where have we learned that it's okay to break God's clear direction (to abstain from sexual activity outside of marriage) in order to satisfy our own desires? I have heard the argument that it's better to get married for sex then to be single and have sex, because at least that way you're within God's "boundaries." But marriage is not meant to be an excuse for self-satisfaction. Pastor Andy Stanley has a study called, "The Best Question Ever" -- What is the wise thing to do? If we increase the God-given wisdom and decrease the selfish motivations for marriage, I believe it will change our lives. And, let's face it, every area of life could benefit from His wisdom.
Cherise
Pizza for Debt
Suzanne Hadley wrote in "Pizza for Debt" that credit card companies market heavily to college students. When I turned 18, and then began college the Fall after, I had not really been solicited by credit card companies. I actually tried going after them to get a credit card. I applied to various cards not caring too much about the interest rate because I had no intention of ever paying a credit card company interest. I kept getting rejected because I had insufficient credit. Well, yeah! I had no credit history.
That was why I wanted to get a credit card. I wanted to build a credit history to make it easier to rent an apartment, finance a car, or get a mortgage later in life. Finally, one company offered cards specifically for college students and I got accepted. I got one of those cards that offered a percentage in rewards for the amount you spend. That way, once or twice a year I could request a $50 check from them for the rewards that I earned. I always paid off the credit card bill in full every month.
When I got married this summer, my husband and I decided to not use the credit card -- if we can. We have done well, and a few months we have owed a zero balance. However, occasionally we need to charge because we need to pay for something -- like when we had our car window broken last month -- before we had received our next paycheck(s). We always pay it in full every month.
If students intend to always pay off their credit card bills in full each month, they will build a credit history, have a great credit score, and will not rack up debt. People simply need to be responsible with their money.
Becky
On Books
The book which has most influenced me, other than the Bible, would have to be Mere Christianity. It was one of the first books I read after becoming a Christian and put to shame -- immediately -- the notion that Christians are simple and foolish. It came highly recommended from a mature Christian friend. I never regretted reading it! Lewis had an amazing way of explaining quite difficult ideas about Christ and Christianity in such a way that anyone could understand his point. The first time through, I literally felt my head -- and heart -- expanding! I was being allowed to go on the same journey as Lewis, 60+ years later, and was caught up in his enthusiasm for Christ -- and his simple, easy faith.
Since reading that book in early 2005, I've since devoured the vast majority of C.S. Lewis' body of work. I can honestly say that I've never put one Lewis book down that I've ever thought, "Well, that's 2 hours of my life I'll never get back!"
Samantha
The Global Warming Debate
I think you will find that a review of the scientific literature -- not a review of ISI v ECI -- will show that there is an overwhelming consensus about the causes of global warming. Of course scientists don't agree 100% but science overwhelmingly favours the ECI, why do you try and deny this? What Christian goal does it achieve not to recognise man's role in global warming? The Scriptures call us to be accountable for our actions, why not here? Why not now?
Geoff
* * *
Assume for the sake of argument that the earth is slowly getting warmer; there is a reasonable explanation Christians can provide that doesn't include the end of the world. After the flood of Noah, we had the world's ice age. It never ended. The same glaciers that cover the poles once covered my home state of MN, and helped carve the great lakes. They have since receded, but never completely melted. So, it would make sense that as those caps (which weren't always here, archaeologists have uncovered tropical plants buried in arctic permafrost) continue to melt, it will get warmer. This is born out by the fact that the supposed temperature increases are apparently happening faster at the poles than anywhere else. But, since it wasn't a problem before (as evidenced by those palm trees flourishing in the arctic circle) it won't be a problem now. It will stop getting warmer once the ice is gone, then the temperature will stabilize. We have the promise of Genesis 8:22 to rest on:
"As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, and day and night will not cease."
Robert
Marriage a Barrier to Wholeness
I read your recent blog post, "Marriage a Barrier to Wholeness?," and had a comment:
Suzanne Hadley writes, "... some singles have set up this human standard of spiritual achievement we believe is necessary for marriage."
Can I suggest something? I think it's often married people who set this standard up in the minds of singles. I often read and hear comments from already-marrieds to marriage-minded-but-still-single singles like, "You need to be whole in Christ before you marry."
Tami
Quality Christian Artistry
Although the state of Christian artistry is in pretty sad shape, I don't think the time for despair has yet come, for three reasons:
1) It is not necessarily a question of secular art being better than Christian. Most of the non-Christian stuff is awful too. That would sound like a step closer to despair, but:
2) This is merely evidence for the fact that most art is generally bad. Sure, 90 percent of all praise and worship choruses are vapid romanticized repetitiveness, but so were 90 percent of the hymns written ca. 1900, and probably ca. 1800 as well. We don't notice because the intervening century has allowed hymnal-compilers to weed out most of the worst work, and discover a lot of the best. The same is true of literature (can anyone say "Victorian novels"? — some were great literature, but most have been properly relegated to the dust-bin of history).
3) In spite of the vast majority of awful art, there is some good stuff being created, and some of it by Christians. Although Sixpence None the Richer has sadly broken up, I (non-music-expert that I am) thought their album "Divine Discontent" more than earned the best-of-the-year award it received from Christianity Today. It was lyrically interesting and musically excellent. Or in literature (more my area), consider Walter Wangerin Jr. His St. Julian is marvelous, and The Book of the Dun Cow won accolades from Christians and non-Christians alike — and deserved them. Madeleine L'Engle won the Newberry for A Wrinkle in Time, which was clearly Christian. I'm certain other good work is happening that I simply don't know about.
There may well be more awful art being created now than ever before — more people have the leisure to try their hand, and it's easier. Anyone can post an angsty emo poem on the Internet. But in a century, when the dust settles and we've burned or deleted as many copies as we can find of most of this stuff, I do believe there will be some gold left among the dross; and I believe some of it will have been created by Christians.
Take hope. :)
Jonathan
The Distracted Worshiper
As I read The Distracted Worshiper piece by Motte Brown, I saw myself! I often am going through my day and will come across a great truth. But instead of praying over it and applying it to my life, I consider how I might present it on my blog.
Truth is still truth, and I'm sure people would benefit from hearing it, but I should first be sure that my mind and heart are on God — knowing and loving Him first.
Thank you for this blog! Keep up the good work!
Cherise
Young, Restless and Reformed
Reformed theology. Seriously?
I personally find this "turn to doctrine" young people are supposedly taking odd because our generation seems to dislike and run from rules/guidelines of any kind. (Thanks, Post-modernists. Thanks.) Further, I'm 26 and know NO ONE who is heading that direction with their Christianity. *shrugs* Perhaps this movement hasn't hit my church and social group yet. I too would like to find comfort in the idea people of my generation are seeking Truth. Outside of the folks I know from church and work (and they're not turning towards Calvinism in their search for God's Truth, btw), I just don't see that.
I won't get into my personal views on Calvinism and election. If I did, you'd probably just trash this e-mail from the get-go. I will say, however, that I'm seeking Truth every day, but I highly doubt I'll be turning in the direction of Calvin.
P.S. — Thanks for the blog! Even if I don't always agree with what's posted, you guys always get my mind working. I suppose that's a good thing. :o)
Samantha
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I just read "Young, Restless and Reformed" by Suzanne Hadley on the Boundless blog. I definitely agree that doctrine is essential in the Christian Church, and that doctrine can provide a means for stronger faith in God's Word and Christ Himself. I am Lutheran Church - Missouri Synod, and our church body has always been strong in doctrine. Doctrine seekers should not only focus on the Calvin/Arminian debate. For a different view of Scripture than either of those offerings, people should check out what the Lutheran Church — Missouri Synod believes.
Becky
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I quite agree that craving for the doctrine and truth is a positive step, but that's also the problem. For myself, I greatly desire to crave the doctrine, however, I struggle to do so. I find it quite difficult to read my Bible, pray and other such endeavors that grow my faith. Just recently we were discussing this very topic at Bible study, and I found, somewhat to my surprise, that I was not the only one that struggled to enjoy and therefore to crave doctrine and truth.
So, while I heartily agree that there is a hunger for an active God, and that craving doctrine and truth is a positive step, I think that it is almost a gift for some people. Because for others, I think it is something they have to work at, make into a habit, and persevere with. I'm sure that eventually they see the rewards of it, but it isn't easy.
Ruthie
Avoiding Mixed Signals
A common response we hear single women say is, "Why aren't any guys asking me out?" However, they may fail to realize that often they are the ones who are responsible for this situation. Let me explain. When a girl is interested in a guy she probably will behave differently around him than other guys. She may smile more, ask about his life, give words of affirmation, etc. However, if she is neutral towards another guy she may just act cordially but as Suzanne wrote, give the impression she is "off the market". Of course this can go both ways. A woman may send wrong positive signals because that is her temperament.
So, if girls want more guys to express interest in her, it's in her best interest to not act so jubilant just in front of guys she's interested in.
FYI, when observing singles interact, here is what I've found make for the most "popular" type of people (those that people want to hang around with)
1. Attractive females (bar none)
2. People (men and women) who are naturally extroverted cheerful (the "social butterflies")
3. Tall people (We have a genetic disposition towards those that stand higher)
"If you like him, it's flirting. If he gives you the creeps, it's sexual harassment" — Anon female worker.
Michael
Marriage in the Media
I just read the blog by Suzanne Hadley regarding the issue of media in marriage and I could not agree more. I was even convicted of some of my own misguided views. I think one of the reasons the church at large accepts these view is that we have taken a worldly idea and disguised it with "spiritual" meaning. We use Paul's words to a couple of churches to try an make excuses or even make ourselves appear more godly for neglecting the call to marry and have a family. I want to thank Suzanne, Candice and the whole Boundless team for tackling this and other tough issues. As a single woman in her mid-20s who desperately desires a godly marriage and family, but feels like she has no support, it is nice to know I have people on my team. May God bless you and your endeavors.
Blair
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