Avoiding Mixed Messages
by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin on 09/25/2006 at 12:41 PM
I would like to respond to Cherise's response to my post "On Being Found." She writes:
When Ms. Hadley said this song was in fact in defiance toward men, it surprised me. Yes, I want to get married one day, but is contentment a roadblock to marriage? Also, I don't understand the concept of playing hide-and-seek.... How are single women playing hide-and-seek, and what can we do to change this?
I am certainly not saying contentment is wrong. Since I was a teenager, I have been taught that I should be a whole person without a man. Scripture advocates that we find our fulfillment in Christ before anything else — including a romantic relationship. At the same time, Scripture presents marriage as part of God's plan — and the fulfillment of a need: "It is not good for the man to be alone."
Does a woman forfeit full reliance on Christ by entering into a marriage relationship? Of course not. Therefore, it's unbiblical to tout independence as somehow more holy than marriage (which can be a temptation for singles).
When I spoke of hide-and-seek, I was referring to the mixed messages women send. Many of us desire to be married, but our words and actions communicate "I'm fine just the way I am, thank you very much!" These messages make it more difficult for men to pursue us.
A male friend of mine once pointed out, "You give off an 'I'm engaged' vibe." Without meaning to, I was coming across as "off the market." Broadcasting a desire for independence achieves this same result.
There's nothing wrong with being a healthy, competent, content woman of God, but we need to be careful of the messages we're sending. We may be advertising for a product — independence from men — we don't actually want.
1. TwentySomething said the following at 9:20 PM on Apr 22:
I am more confused than ever.
Are Christians really allowed to marry? I mean, what I read in the Bible suggests otherwise. Paul wrote to be content in the state you are in -- this suggests not desiring anything else, including a wife.
Also, the Bible says we are to "set our minds on things above," not on worldly things. Marriage is a thing of this world, and so we should not seek it.
The Bible continues, saying we should seek first His Kingdom, not worldly things like food or marriage. This verse precludes actively seeking marriage.
Finally, the Bible says we must deny ourselves and take up our cross. How can you die to yourself as Jesus commands, die to your desires, if you are seeking after something you want -- marriage.
Don't all these verses in the Bible support the idea that we should never seek a wife, be unhappy without a wife, or desire marriage? Please help me understand.
2. Cheryl said the following at 2:46 PM on Jan 21:
Hi TwentySomething,
I think the best person to look to for an explanation in this regard, is our Lord. Jesus spoke of the different categories of man (mankind)and said that some were made eunuchs from their mother's womb, some chose to be eunuchs for the kingdom of God's sake and there are those who are called to be married. He said that we are to walk in the path we have been called. I'm so sorry I cannot find exactly where He addressed the issue. But it was in the context of His disciples saying that it was best for man not to marry if he could so easily give his wife a divorce for a disagreement.
I hope this helps. So to cut a long explanation short, some are called to be married and some aren't it is for us to ask the Lord what His plan is for us.
Sincerely,
Cheryl.