One Year Later by Nathan Zacharias on 01/09/2012 at 1:50 PM

One year later, I still love to see it. It's got a few scuffs and scratches from daily use, but it still shines, both literally and emotionally. One year ago this last Saturday, I put it on for the first time.

It's my wedding band.

Sarah and I just celebrated our first wedding anniversary. She's stuck with me 367 days, and that's a miracle. No, seriously, it is.

You can hear all the sermons, read all the books and listen to all the counseling, but nothing fully prepares you for one of the key things about marriage.

Marriage is a mirror.

When I said those vows, I agreed to not only love, care for and protect Sarah, I agreed to let the relationship hold a big mirror in front of me. One I had no choice but to look into every day.

No longer can I focus on just caring for my needs. No longer can I get by with looking at a situation by how I see it. Instead, I look at it through her eyes, too. That means I see myself from her perspective. And I have to say, the view isn't always pretty.

I long to serve Sarah in any way, but that doesn't mean that my selfishness doesn't rear its ugly head often. There are plenty of times when I have to tell Sarah I'm sorry for something I did or didn't do.

The ring on my finger and the vow in my heart sheds light on my negative traits often. And so when I tell people I don't deserve Sarah, I'm not joking.

Apologist Michael Ramsden said once that we often speak of love as turning a blind eye to a person's fault. We say that love is absent of judgment. He went on to say that love is actually the opposite — real love exists in the presence of judgment. It means we love the person and are committed to her, fully aware of her faults.

And now I know what he means. And that's incredible.

Why Sarah chose me, I'll never know. And as a I told someone close to me the other day, I deserve Sarah even less now than I did a year ago. But she loves me anyway.

I'm scuffed and scratched like the band on my finger, but she still sees the shine in me. She actually loves me. And I love her, too. Deeply.

I don't like seeing my finger without the ring. My finger looks bare without it. And that's what I'd be without Sarah.

The ring. A mirror. And the woman my heart belongs to. All of them have made the last year beautiful, and I can't wait for this year, too.

One Year Later by Nathan Zacharias on 01/09/2012 at 1:50 PM

One year later, I still love to see it. It's got a few scuffs and scratches from daily use, but it still shines, both literally and emotionally. One year ago this last Saturday, I put it on for the first time.

It's my wedding band.

Sarah and I just celebrated our first wedding anniversary. She's stuck with me 367 days, and that's a miracle. No, seriously, it is.

You can hear all the sermons, read all the books and listen to all the counseling, but nothing fully prepares you for one of the key things about marriage.

Marriage is a mirror.

When I said those vows, I agreed to not only love, care for and protect Sarah, I agreed to let the relationship hold a big mirror in front of me. One I had no choice but to look into every day.

No longer can I focus on just caring for my needs. No longer can I get by with looking at a situation by how I see it. Instead, I look at it through her eyes, too. That means I see myself from her perspective. And I have to say, the view isn't always pretty.

I long to serve Sarah in any way, but that doesn't mean that my selfishness doesn't rear its ugly head often. There are plenty of times when I have to tell Sarah I'm sorry for something I did or didn't do.

The ring on my finger and the vow in my heart sheds light on my negative traits often. And so when I tell people I don't deserve Sarah, I'm not joking.

Apologist Michael Ramsden said once that we often speak of love as turning a blind eye to a person's fault. We say that love is absent of judgment. He went on to say that love is actually the opposite — real love exists in the presence of judgment. It means we love the person and are committed to her, fully aware of her faults.

And now I know what he means. And that's incredible.

Why Sarah chose me, I'll never know. And as a I told someone close to me the other day, I deserve Sarah even less now than I did a year ago. But she loves me anyway.

I'm scuffed and scratched like the band on my finger, but she still sees the shine in me. She actually loves me. And I love her, too. Deeply.

I don't like seeing my finger without the ring. My finger looks bare without it. And that's what I'd be without Sarah.

The ring. A mirror. And the woman my heart belongs to. All of them have made the last year beautiful, and I can't wait for this year, too.

Comments

[1. Deborah said the following at 4:20 PM on Jan 9:]

1

Congratulations :) beautiful post. Pray God blesses you both more this year.

[2. Joshua Rogers said the following at 8:28 PM on Jan 9:]

2

Great job - really. I relate, and I always feel a little paranoid writing posts along this vein because I know how earnest it makes me sound (and I am), but how hypocritical it will sound the next time I act like a bonehead to my wife (which will probably be the next day).

[3. Helen said the following at 10:20 PM on Jan 9:]

3

This is very sweet, but remember: you are both in the same boat. She also has a mirror held in front of her every day, struggles with selfishness, and must try to see things from your perspective instead of hers. It goes both ways. Don't hold her up as perfect, as someone to be worshiped. Be very, very careful with that, as it can lead to putting your trust in Sarah, instead of in your Savior, Jesus.

[4. La said the following at 7:21 AM on Jan 10:]

4

What a beautiful post! May God bless you both in this new year.

^_^

[5. Kristina said the following at 8:09 AM on Jan 10:]

5

Wow that was a touching post! Congrats on the first year! :)

[6. Evie said the following at 9:08 AM on Jan 10:]

6

Thanks for this - I can relate (as a wife) a year and a half later. It's amazing the ups and downs and changes you can go through as a couple in only a year's time ... as you grow to become "one" more and more every day. You really begin to not be able to imagine life without your spouse, because of the closeness that God intends for marriage. It's vulnerable! And I'm amazed too that my husband loves and forgives me in spite of my [near constant] flubs and faults :)

[7. Craig said the following at 10:01 AM on Jan 10:]

7

Really? This self-abasement is pretty sad. This is a terrible example for Christian men. I can understand the puppy love, but it's not as if women are perfect butterflies, with one foot in heaven and the other on earth, gracing us with their benevolent spirits while men ignominiously sin in front of the perfect spirits of their wives. This is just the old 'women are perfect, men are bad' gibberish of Christian feminism.

[8. Natalie said the following at 12:48 PM on Jan 11:]

8

I'm young and not married, but going on four years ago I got a purity ring from my dad I have worn nearly every day since. I relate with the "scuffs and scratches" on the white gold band. I know what you mean that my finger looks and feels so bare without that ring. I think of it as preparation. Have I been entirely pure over these past four years? Sadly, no. However, it is a placeholder. A constant reminder that someday it will hold a band of committment to God and my husband. Yet, isn't this ring that same committment? My covenant to remain pure in order to honor God and bless my husband. The scratches remind me that I'm imperfect and need to draw nearer and nearer to God each day. The ring itself reminds me I am not living for today - but for forever

[9. georgeL said the following at 2:30 PM on Jan 11:]

9

Maybe don't prostrate yourself quite this much. Would she speak of you this way?

[10. Leonard said the following at 11:56 PM on Jan 11:]

10

Well, I'm approaching my 20th and every year it gets harder to fake it.

If you are a male in America, the worst decision you can make legally and financially is marriage.

Not a guy I know would do it again if given the choice, and most only stay married because the economic consequences of divorce are simply too dire...literally cheaper-to-keep-her.

Nate, I'm happy for you, really.

[11. Craig M. said the following at 2:41 PM on Jan 12:]

11

Agree to #3. Careful of idolatry. You seem like a pretty decent bloke. Don't you think she's lucky to have you too?

[12. J Lenz said the following at 12:22 AM on Jan 18:]

12

I understand the sentiment, but you are not doing yourself or her, or especially God any favors by stating it this way.

Glory belongs to God. Not to our spouses.

You risk making an idol out of your marriage, or her supposed saintliness in "tolerating" you.

This kind of spousal genuflection is not healthy.

[13. Jim H said the following at 8:52 AM on Jan 31:]

13

OK, I am very late to this party, but I feel compelled to make a few comments.

Nathan said

She's stuck with me 367 days, and that's a miracle. No, seriously, it is.

So I assume both you and Sara said something to the effect “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, until death do us part so help me God” and yet it is a miracle she stuck with you?

Such groveling by one of God’s sons is sickening to me. She is indeed a daughter of God and worthy of the honor that entails, but you are a son of God and worthy of the honor and respect that entails. Being humble is commendable, but you are debasing yourself in a manner unworthy of a son of God.

[14. Mike T said the following at 6:01 AM on Feb 8:]

14

She's stuck with me 367 days, and that's a miracle. No, seriously, it is.

So why are you giving a human being credit for a miracle, instead of giving glory to God for the grace He has shown you in the sacrament of marriage?

[1. Deborah said the following at 4:20 PM on Jan 9:]

1

Congratulations :) beautiful post. Pray God blesses you both more this year.

[2. Joshua Rogers said the following at 8:28 PM on Jan 9:]

2

Great job - really. I relate, and I always feel a little paranoid writing posts along this vein because I know how earnest it makes me sound (and I am), but how hypocritical it will sound the next time I act like a bonehead to my wife (which will probably be the next day).

[3. Helen said the following at 10:20 PM on Jan 9:]

3

This is very sweet, but remember: you are both in the same boat. She also has a mirror held in front of her every day, struggles with selfishness, and must try to see things from your perspective instead of hers. It goes both ways. Don't hold her up as perfect, as someone to be worshiped. Be very, very careful with that, as it can lead to putting your trust in Sarah, instead of in your Savior, Jesus.

[4. La said the following at 7:21 AM on Jan 10:]

4

What a beautiful post! May God bless you both in this new year.

^_^

[5. Kristina said the following at 8:09 AM on Jan 10:]

5

Wow that was a touching post! Congrats on the first year! :)

[6. Evie said the following at 9:08 AM on Jan 10:]

6

Thanks for this - I can relate (as a wife) a year and a half later. It's amazing the ups and downs and changes you can go through as a couple in only a year's time ... as you grow to become "one" more and more every day. You really begin to not be able to imagine life without your spouse, because of the closeness that God intends for marriage. It's vulnerable! And I'm amazed too that my husband loves and forgives me in spite of my [near constant] flubs and faults :)

[7. Craig said the following at 10:01 AM on Jan 10:]

7

Really? This self-abasement is pretty sad. This is a terrible example for Christian men. I can understand the puppy love, but it's not as if women are perfect butterflies, with one foot in heaven and the other on earth, gracing us with their benevolent spirits while men ignominiously sin in front of the perfect spirits of their wives. This is just the old 'women are perfect, men are bad' gibberish of Christian feminism.

[8. Natalie said the following at 12:48 PM on Jan 11:]

8

I'm young and not married, but going on four years ago I got a purity ring from my dad I have worn nearly every day since. I relate with the "scuffs and scratches" on the white gold band. I know what you mean that my finger looks and feels so bare without that ring. I think of it as preparation. Have I been entirely pure over these past four years? Sadly, no. However, it is a placeholder. A constant reminder that someday it will hold a band of committment to God and my husband. Yet, isn't this ring that same committment? My covenant to remain pure in order to honor God and bless my husband. The scratches remind me that I'm imperfect and need to draw nearer and nearer to God each day. The ring itself reminds me I am not living for today - but for forever

[9. georgeL said the following at 2:30 PM on Jan 11:]

9

Maybe don't prostrate yourself quite this much. Would she speak of you this way?

[10. Leonard said the following at 11:56 PM on Jan 11:]

10

Well, I'm approaching my 20th and every year it gets harder to fake it.

If you are a male in America, the worst decision you can make legally and financially is marriage.

Not a guy I know would do it again if given the choice, and most only stay married because the economic consequences of divorce are simply too dire...literally cheaper-to-keep-her.

Nate, I'm happy for you, really.

[11. Craig M. said the following at 2:41 PM on Jan 12:]

11

Agree to #3. Careful of idolatry. You seem like a pretty decent bloke. Don't you think she's lucky to have you too?

[12. J Lenz said the following at 12:22 AM on Jan 18:]

12

I understand the sentiment, but you are not doing yourself or her, or especially God any favors by stating it this way.

Glory belongs to God. Not to our spouses.

You risk making an idol out of your marriage, or her supposed saintliness in "tolerating" you.

This kind of spousal genuflection is not healthy.

[13. Jim H said the following at 8:52 AM on Jan 31:]

13

OK, I am very late to this party, but I feel compelled to make a few comments.

Nathan said

She's stuck with me 367 days, and that's a miracle. No, seriously, it is.

So I assume both you and Sara said something to the effect “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, until death do us part so help me God” and yet it is a miracle she stuck with you?

Such groveling by one of God’s sons is sickening to me. She is indeed a daughter of God and worthy of the honor that entails, but you are a son of God and worthy of the honor and respect that entails. Being humble is commendable, but you are debasing yourself in a manner unworthy of a son of God.

[14. Mike T said the following at 6:01 AM on Feb 8:]

14

She's stuck with me 367 days, and that's a miracle. No, seriously, it is.

So why are you giving a human being credit for a miracle, instead of giving glory to God for the grace He has shown you in the sacrament of marriage?