Are You an Adult?
by Martha Krienke on 04/20/2011 at 10:26 AM
You've heard it said before: "Sociologists traditionally define the 'transition to adulthood' as marked by five milestones: completing school, leaving home, becoming financially independent, marrying and having a child" (The New York Times, August 2010).
I agree that these are all important markers in a person's life. But what about those of us who have only completed two, three or four of the milestones? Is a college graduate who moves home to search for a job not an adult? What about a 30-something who is single? Or a newlywed couple who is unable to have children?
There's something fishy to me about basing adulthood on these milestones, which is why I was pleased to recently come across a sermon that describes adulthood differently.
Jake Smith, Jr., the director of the 20-something community at Willow Creek Community Church, references the book Adam’s Return by Richard Rohr in a talk he gave called "Five Things Every Adult Should Know." Rohr's list of five promises that define true adulthood is what he says gives a person the ability to live in the world as a grown up.
The promises include:
1. Life is hard.
2. You are not that important.
3. Your life is not about you.
4. You’re not in control.
5. You’re going to die.
Sounds completely counter-cultural, doesn't it? Maybe that's because these truths are also biblical. Check out these verses as they relate to the list above: 1) John 16:33, 2) Romans 9:20, 3) Galatians 2:20, 4) Job 37 and 5) James 4:13–15.
Whether a graduate, homeowner, employee, spouse or parent, which of these promises is hardest for you to digest?
1. Tami said the following at 10:34 AM on Apr 20:
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If you (general you) believe that "marrying and having a child" make you an adult, then Britney Spears would be more mature and adult than Mother Teresa. So, there ya go.
The *other* list of five is actually a pretty good one to reflect on, especially in this season. So thanks. :) It reflects the idea that maturity is really about living for God and others, rather than yourself -- and using my examples, I'm certain Mother Teresa surpassed Britney on that score. :)
2. Ashley said the following at 10:46 AM on Apr 20:
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I would say that the message of Christ significantly reduces the chaffing of 2, 4, and 5, makes 1 more bearable and 3 a joy :)
3. Mike Theemling said the following at 11:02 AM on Apr 20:
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...and life isn't fair either.
4. Corwin said the following at 12:17 PM on Apr 20:
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I agree, these are way better marks of adulthood!
I know many people who are married with children and are only marginally more mature than their kids.
I also think our culture works hard to go against #3. Our mantra is that adulthood is being free to pursue whatever brings you pleasure, no matter what the cost is to others. I guess that makes us all children... :P
5. RLynn said the following at 12:22 PM on Apr 20:
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The Church of the Nazarene published "Life Cycles of Single Adults" a few years ago using the work of Schwartzberg, et. al. They acknowledge that our society defines adulthood using measures that singles cannot meet, which leads to feelings of not being valued. A summary of their "benchmarks":
Young Adulthood: Not Married Yet
Entering the Twilight Zone of Singleness: The 30's
Midlife: 40's-50's
Later Life: 50's to Failing Health
Elderly: Failing Health and Death
The latter two benchmark periods are probably not much different than for married folks. Most interesting are the middle two--during the "Twilight Zone"--one faces his/her single status and looks at the possibility of expanding life goals to include those other than marriage. During Midlife, one has to address and accept the possibility of never marrying or having children and that you can establish an authentic life within single status. What's interesting is that it is expected that one has accepted singleness by the 50's--and I keep hearing of single people marrying (some for the first time) in their '50s.
6. clair said the following at 12:27 PM on Apr 20:
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I like this list for adulthood better, because I think as much as marriage and babies ought to be esteemed in the church, a lot of people equate that to adulthood and that irritates me to no end!
I had a friend once say to me, "You will understand when you are married with kids what its like to pay bills, making ends meet, work hard, etc.." Um, I already know the feeling of paying bills and working hard, thank you. Marriage doesn't equal adulthood :) although I certainly think it has helped a lot of men and women grow up!
I feel like I have grown up a lot this year (and man has it hurt!) because I have realized numbers 3 &4 - life is not about me and I am not in control...but once I realized this, I started to see that every pain, every heartache could be for His glory. If so, then I pray my attitude about suffering is much better!
7. Amy said the following at 1:28 PM on Apr 20:
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"...which of these promises is hardest for you to digest?"
#4. You're not in control.
^Shouldn't be such a hard concept but it is sometimes.
8. Joy said the following at 2:03 PM on Apr 20:
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Thank you so much for this. I often feel bad because I haven't accomplished the five milestones yet. I work, but I don't have a college education (yet) and I live at home. But this helps me to realize that I don't have to hang my head in shame while I work on those milestones. Again, thank you!
9. EMBG said the following at 2:37 PM on Apr 20:
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Very good markers of adulthood (or maturity, rather). I'm sure there are times when I struggle with all of them, though #2 and #4 have been the hardest to face, particularly in certain seasons of life.
I particularly appreciate that these are related to Christian maturity... and aren't focused on one's gender or sexuality (such messages as "a real man provides for his family" or "a real woman stays attractive for her man").
10. Al said the following at 3:26 PM on Apr 20:
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I agree with this list. I find it depressing though.
God's timing in my life to reach these milestones has been moving at a much slower pace than the "average" American. It's frustrating at times. I pray for His guidance, wisdom, and mercy in reaching these milestones will be worthwhile and for His glory.
Becoming a spouse and parent is probably the hardest to digest right now. However, I pray to God to prepare my heart for marriage first...for when I do meet someone, (w/ children or not), will be Christ-centered and bring glory to Him.
11. Miss. Pen & Paper said the following at 4:09 PM on Apr 20:
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I have to say I really like this list. As someone else said, it is depressing, but I do think every adult needs to know it. That way you don't beat yourself up when things don't go the way you hoped.
However, I'm hesitant to use that list to replace our traditional idea of what an adult is. Because anyone of any age and maturity level can know and accept that list. I think becoming an adult is a biological reality, that happens regardless of how we live our lives. Ultimately the biological shift from childhood to adulthood is characterized by the sexual maturity that takes place around puberty. And all of that happens for the purpose of allowing people to have reproduce, start their own families. So it's not wrong for cultures to equate adulthood with getting married and starting families. It's built into the DNA.
But a person can be biologically an adult, and still live like a child. So what's the difference? For me being an adult is biology plus the willingness to accept higher levels of responsibility. Ideally, we should be biologically mature, willing to accept more responsibility, AND have the opportunity to do so. Having the opportunity to do those things is what's out of our control. You may be willing and able to be a husband/wife and a father/mother, an employee, etc, but you may not have found the person you're going to marry yet, had kids, or gotten hired. But are you willing and able to take on those responsibilities? Are you putting forth some effort? Just because you lack those things doesn't mean you're not an adult. It may still hurt our egos, but we're still adults.
But I don't think we should totally do away with our traditional view of what makes an adult, because we haven't been able to achieve those milestones. I think if we do, we run the risk of our justifying the direction our culture is going in, and perpetuating the current trends.
12. Anna said the following at 6:15 PM on Apr 20:
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1. Life is hard.
2. You are not that important.
3. Your life is not about you.
4. You’re not in control.
5. You’re going to die.
Amen to the adult who learns to accept and embrace these realities. For when when choose to embrace that "Yes.Life is not easy" and "Yes.this life is not about me" then one can with joy say "Yes Lord, life is not easy BUT you teach me to embrace the situations or "Yes, let me live a life for others." One of my recent favorite quotes is accreadited to Albert Einstein, "Only a Life lived for others is worth living". Or we could look back to the two greatest commandments... Love God and love your neighbor. Let me be an ADULT.
I am a 20 year old lady and a major frustration lately is HOW AM I TO BE AN ADULT IN THIS ADULTOLESCENCE CULTURE? Let me be a women (as Elizabeth Elliot so wisely titled one of her books). I say more generally LET ME BE AN ADULT! But how do we do this? How do you be counter-cultural?
I see it's a first, beginning step to understand the life principles stated above. But how does this look in real life?
I do see marriage and childrearing to be a major part of the average adult. Of course everyone won't marry or be a parent (and they will and can be productive adults) . But it's the norm to marry. It's what most of the human race is meant to do when the become adults! And it's a major/lifechanging way to learn those principles - e.g. "Life is not about me"/ "Oh, I have a husband to feed and a baby to tend to I mustn't stay out longer like I'ld feel like doing." Having a family/ spouse I believe is one way God teaches us these principles.
Why are young people so afraid of taking on the challenges of adulthood? Shouldn't we embrace them with vibrance in our youth? Face them head on? One of the frustrations I have with my male counterparts, brothers in Christ, guys, what-ya-men-call-them... is this hesitancy to "get the ball rolling"... Someday, I might consider having a family but whenever God brings the right girl along...I'm just waiting on God... and in the mean time, I'll play around, get entertained...OK,God is going to just plop the "right" girl , all I have to do is wait. When has God called us to be passive? We are to be active members of his kingdom! Guys, I challenge you to Man-up and embrace the calling of Manliness and "get that ball rolling".
What's a girl to do? She can do a few things to help get that ball rolling, but she's gotta wait for you(guys) to take the lead in some areas. So be a man and help us be revolutionary to the culture while we embrace Adulthood to its fullest!
13. Tammy in California said the following at 8:33 PM on Apr 20:
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What a timely article for me. I am a nurse (28) currently finishing a degree program for a second nursing degree, and recently moved back in with my parents for financial reasons. I am currently taking a class called "Adult Learning and Assessment," and it's basically making me feel that my growth is completely stunted because I am not married and have no kids! Erikson's tasks for our stage of development are intimacy and/or generativity (depending on which age range you use). How does a single person master the tasks of intimacy and generativity? It leaves one feeling like they missed the boat and will never develop a true identity (according to Erikson, of course). I'm not scoring so well on the New York Times list either.
That's why I'm SO glad to see your list of adulthood realizations--those I can work on. Thanks!
14. DannieA said the following at 11:23 PM on Apr 20:
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as long as one is consistently growing and thinking of others...either spouse or child or both, or if single; family before self, that's a pretty good adult right there!
15. Ria said the following at 5:09 AM on Apr 21:
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That list sounds almost like Buddhism's "Four Noble Truths"!
I think being an adult is 2 things: being responsible for yourself (this can mean financially, etc. but more in a "responsible for the consequences for your actions" kind of way) and living in a way that puts others first. If a person can do those two things, I think they qualifies as an adult.
16. clair said the following at 8:35 AM on Apr 21:
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#11 - its not that I don't think the traditional markers can sometimes indicate adulthood, but tying adulthood to circumstances we can't always control is dangerous in 2 ways
(1) those who are married and have a child see themselves as adults whether they are acting in a mature manner or not - instead of focusing on growing up, they assume they already are
(2) those that aren't married and don't have kids now have the excuse to continue acting immature because they are not adults yet!
I don't know if this new list is "the list" describing adulthood, but I think it is closer to it than certain milestones
After all, we have all said before of children in hard circumstances - "He had to grow up really quickly" or "Because of what she's been through, she is very mature for her age." -- I think what we mean is these children have experianced death, illness, loss at a young age and because of that, some naivity and immaturity is forever gone.
17. Lola said the following at 9:30 AM on Apr 21:
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I have only recently discovered that I am not that important :-)
I do however think that death is more of a possibility than a promise because Christ will return before some people experience a bodily death.
18. Kelly-1 said the following at 11:08 AM on Apr 21:
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I can't disagree with that list, but I have to wonder, where is the joy?
Presented like that, the list is extremely confronting and somewhat depressing.
19. Ruth said the following at 11:14 AM on Apr 21:
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At first glance I disagreed with the top list but then I thought about it. I'm not married. I don't have a bilogical child. But I've made discipliship part of my life. Ultimately, parenting is about training a child up to know God.
20. Ruth said the following at 11:17 AM on Apr 21:
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I think "parenting" the spiritually fatherless or motherless is a sign of maturity.
21. Louise from Chicago said the following at 12:20 PM on Apr 21:
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Yes.
22. Beth said the following at 1:13 PM on Apr 21:
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I think one of the big transitions in adulthood is moving from consumer to producer...no longer being completely dependent on others for advice, sustenance, etc., but counselling and sustaining others instead. Becoming a mentor in addition to having one.
23. Tim said the following at 2:10 PM on Apr 21:
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But I don't wanna leave Neverland!
I think those five promises are good to consider, especially from the standpoint of the verses given. If you look at them only from an Ecclesiastes view, they can be a bit disheartening. A depressed person can easily meet them:
1. Life is hard. "Newsflash."
2. You are not that important. "That's what I keep trying to tell everyone."
3. Your life is not about you. "Story of my life."
4. You’re not in control. "Never claimed to be."
5. You’re going to die. "Hopefully soon."
So accepting that your life is basically pointless without God, and realizing what immense hope you have in Him, becoming His slave and letting Him consume you, yes, that is a mark of maturity. And being able to thank Him in all things.
Being around married men still makes me feel like an overgrown teenager.
24. MrsLarijani said the following at 3:40 PM on Apr 21:
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I'm sorry, Martha, but you lost me at "Willow Creek".
As some people have already noted of marriage and children: you need not be mature to have either of them.
As far as the "truths" go: you need to be much beyond the age of 10 to accept these truths (assuming you're being raised in a decent, Christian home). In fact, I - more or less - try to convey these "truths" every time I teach a class of preschoolers.
Being an "adult" is not contingent upon accepting these truths.
And, really, the connection your trying to make is a stretch.
The big elephant in the room here is that it's fishy to you because you aren't married and don't have children.
Would I like anyone insinuating I'm not a full adult because I don't have kids? No. I wouldn't like it. At the same time, I would have to concede that there is an element of practical selflessness and responsibility that I'm not having to deal with day in and day out.
And that's kind of the point of the secular sociological observation. Breaking free of your parents, taking care of yourself, taking care of your spouse and part of the next generation - that conveys something even to the pagans.
Since being married, it has been noted to me by a few different people that I have "calmed" Amir down. Apparently, he's a bit easier to deal with since he's been married. Even he has taken notice that he is more respected now that he's married.
Is it a sad social commentary? I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe marriage really is better for society than protracted singleness.
Let us not get puffed up about that which we know vs. that which we actually embody.
Guys: If you know these "truths", let it fuel you to pursue.
Girls: If you know these "truths", let it fuel you to allow yourself to be pursued.
Nowhere in this article is Christ mentioned. I guess He is implied, but He wasn't mentioned. If we do daily proclaim His death and resurrection, accepting these "truths" is a natural result of our commitment to Him.
If to live is Christ and to die is gain, then we aren't actually worried about what the world thinks of us. We aren't supposed to be like the world anyway. We don't want to incur a secular marriage and we don't want to raise children like our secular counterparts.
As far as the whole education and financial independence thing - if we are orienting our lives according to Biblical standards, we will be exercising prudence and not incurring any unnecessary debt. Parents won't send their kids to a school they can't afford and they will be lifelong learners. Their kids will have the ability to balance a check book and pay rent every month because they won't have debt weighing them down.
This blog post is rather confusing. It seems to eschew financial independence, marriage and children. Instead, it seems to pat the concept of extended adolescence on the back and console it.
Come to think of it, have there been any blog posts on financial independence from parents in the last few months?
25. Martha Krienke said the following at 4:56 PM on Apr 21:
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MrsLarijani, I agree that "I would have to concede that there is an element of practical selflessness and responsibility that I'm not having to deal with day in and day out." I think marriage and parenting is an amazing tool God uses to make His children more holy. (BTW, Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas is an excellent book on this topic.)
When I listened to that sermon from Willow Creek, it stood out to me how being single in my late 20s has reinforced the promise that "you are not in control." And I was convicted to seek out more situations where I am reminded that "your life is not about you."
People who are married and have children will probably be reminded of these truths more often than I am, so I've been thinking about how I might be intentional about learning these truths and continue to mature as an adult. That was my take away from writing this blog post.
26. Hannah said the following at 5:35 PM on Apr 21:
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Several people made points about the essence of parenthood being training up another to follow God.
Fellow singles, there's plenty of opportunities to do that! You have no idea what a tremendous impact you can have in a child's life by taking him/her under your wing and mentoring them. There are hundreds of thousands of kids in unhappy homes who would benefit greatly from the love and attention of a functional adult.
27. said the following at 7:59 PM on Apr 21:
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Edit: "You don't need to be much beyond the age of 10."
Ugh.
28. naturallawlover said the following at 8:10 PM on Apr 21:
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24. MrsLarijani said,
That pretty much covers it, although, I might add that since Scripture assumes marriage as being the normal state for (notice the disclaimer) most adults, protracted singleness for those who are old enough to marry only highlights ones singleness because it is abnormal.
Sorry, but that's the way it is. If your feeling left out, be a little less picky the next time you get opportunity to date someone.
29. Amir Larijani said the following at 8:24 PM on Apr 21:
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Actually, I agree with Martha, as I see where she is going with this.
Adulthood is not dependent on you reaching certain milestones--high school, college, marriage, parenthood, financial independence. How you handle adulthood is a different matter.
Tami made a good point: if we're going to use the sociologists' markers, then Britney Spears would be more "adult" than Mother Teresa. (I would have used Amy Carmicheal instead, but still, the point is a good one.)
OTOH, I can see where MrsLarijani is going. If you are a Christian--living faithfully--then marriage and family life can definitely help enhance your maturity. (At the same time, one need not be married to be advancing in that department. Still, having that spouse under the same roof will expose your sin in ways that you never thought possible. :::MrsLarijani says, "You're welcome!:::)
If you are single, my advice: don't sit on the sidelines. Get involved in the ministries of the Church. Take Bible study seriously. Your single years are a great opportunity to get in the Scriptures and develop your treasury of knowledge and understanding.
When/if you marry, you will NOT have the time you had before to study the Scriptures.
As for "markers of adulthood", don't get hung up on those. Since when are Christians supposed to defer to "sociologists" in determining what makes an adult an adult? Where is that in the Bible?
Shouldn't we be more interested in Biblical metrics, rather than comparing ourselves against the metrics provided by "sociologists"? I don't mean to knock those guys, but they aren't the be-all/end-all.
30. clair said the following at 8:17 AM on Apr 22:
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Amir,
Thank you for expanding on your wife's comments. I disagreed greatly with her, but I see that its not meant in a an awful way - for most people, marriage and babies is a part of adulthood and maturity.
I guess I just get irritated with Christians at church. Some of the young mothers are the most childish, petty, and gossipy people in our sunday school class, yet they often make it clear they think the singles are single because we are having too much fun to grow up. Thats not the case, most of the women in our class want to get married, but the right guy hasn't come along. I think the mature thing to do is not to settle -- certainly not to have such high expectations that no one is good enough, but to be actively seeking relationships that will edify and point to Christ.
#28 - I find it a little presumptious to assume singles are being "too picky" - I have gone on dates with 4 different guys in the past month, I will say yes to almost anyone - two weren't very serious about their faith, one was extremely immature, and one I am still going on dates with and giving a chance. I think the more "adult" thing to do is not settle for any guy that pursues me (even if he is not prepared to be a godly husband and leader) -- to me, it actually seems childish to settle for a guy -- that reminds me of when we were in High School and wanted a boyfriend just to say we had one.
So, I am not whining about not being included or feeling left out- I am simply stating that yes marriage indicates maturity sometimes, but sometimes people are adults before achieving that milestone. I'm certainly not going to let no marriage/children be an excuse for me to act immature.
There is a tendency in the church to act like prolonged singleness is always a single person's fault -- pickiness, or prolonged immaturity, or fear from watching our parents' marriages fall apart. Certainly lets address these problems, but please do not assume every single person is single for these reasons. It's hard enough being single, it's even harder when other people look on you like you must have some character flaw.
In my mid 20's I hope I can say I reached adulthood before I get married, and when I am married (if I am married), that will (as Amir said) help me mature even more. I pray the Lord gives me opportunities to mature before then!
31. jayme said the following at 8:47 AM on Apr 22:
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I don't think these are milestones, but they are fantastic things to realize and it is part of adulthood to realize these things. Not many children have grasped these things, which is what makes them children!
Course, many teenagers get these things and we, today, hardly consider them adults. But I think we should consider teens closer to adults than to children!
32. Tami said the following at 9:08 AM on Apr 22:
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Amir -- thanks for your comments (and not just because you said I made a good point :)
Marriage is not the *sole* path to maturity, though it certainly is a crucible God uses to develop His Son's image in you.
I agree with Amir -- do what you can every day to mature in Christ. That is *every Christian's* duty, married or not.
33. Amir Larijani said the following at 11:03 AM on Apr 22:
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clair (#30): MrsLarijani and I had quite the discussion about that one. Honestly, all she is saying is that marriage and parenthood can force you to a certain selflessness that you don't necessarily have to face as a single or even a married person without children.
While that statement is true, it is also true that there are challenges in singleness that tend to evade married folks, and also require advancement in maturity. Each side of the fence has its challenges.
Personally, having observed enough married couples in the Church, and having seen no small number of unhappy marriages and even divorces, and having seen many children grow up in such homes and become total spiritual phonies, I'm just not buying the premise that married Christians are any more "adult" than single Christians. Each group has its challenges, failings, blemishes, and victories.
Then again, in her defense, MrsLarijani was not trying to make the case that marriage makes one spiritually superior to the single.
34. KR said the following at 12:54 PM on Apr 22:
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Right now I'm having the hardest time with "you're not in control."
I am selfish and would prefer to do it my way rather than God's. Working on it, though!
As for what makes an adult, I like Dave Ramsey's statement : "Adults devise a plan and follow it; children do what feels good." He's obviously speaking mostly about finances, but this can be applied to faith too. God commands us to do (or not do) certain things and it takes maturity to desire growth in sanctification (with His help, of course).
35. clair said the following at 12:59 PM on Apr 22:
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Amir,
Oh I definitely agree with you and your wife. Thats why I am glad you reiterated what she said because its hard to tell the meaning and tone of statement via the internet :) I generally find what she (and you) have to say wise but kind...so many people on these message boards have such strong opinon and beliefs but very little kindness in presenting them. I always find y'alls words enlightening and challenging even if I don't agree. (although many times I do) So, thank you for that.
As for the traditional milestones, I hope y'all reach the milestone of parenthood soon. I've been praying :)Y'all will be incredible parents and seem to make a very good team.
I will say, maybe the growing up one does while waiting has its benefits when done before achieving a recognized milestone. Certainly no one wants to wait for marriage or babies, but I realize that having had time to grow up, entering into marriage in my mid/late 20s will have some pros as opposed to when I was younger (cons) - I am definitely more mature at 27 than I was at 22. I am sure the same will be true for yall as parents.
36. Tammy in California said the following at 9:40 PM on Apr 22:
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I agree with Clair (#30) on each point. Well said. And while I generally agree with Mrs. Larijani's posts, I did not agree with this one and thought she was especially harsh. Yes, parenting and marriage both change a person. No one is doubting that. But for those of us for whom that has not been possible (for reasons Clair has accurately described), please don't deny us our adulthood. As Amir pointed out, there are many growth experiences we have as singles that marrieds do not. My married friend cannot even conceive of driving to the airport by herself to pick up a friend--her husband has to come with her. That's just a silly example, but those of us who are single have learned some lessons on dependence on God alone that I'm sure a lot of married people have not learned. Adulthood is not contingent upon a person having qualifying events in their life.
37. BDB said the following at 7:15 PM on Apr 23:
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Sociologists certainly have limitations to their list of adulthood.
Those who study leadership, particularly military leadership, would come up with a very different list. Where is the emphasis on keeping your word, doing what you say you're going to do, and doing the right thing even when it's hard?
In the real world, those who exhibit those characteristics are given authority and leadership roles, regardless of marital and parental staus.
And it's true that having responsibility for the well being of others forces people to rise to the situation or collapse and fail. The military puts people into hierarchies where they are responsible for others. And that forces a level of maturity you often don't see in the overall population. Regardless of marital or parental status.
For those without the talent or experience leading others, it's entirely possible that parenthood is their first experience being responsible, and thus it makes a big impression on them. Had they been placed in a position of responsibility before they got married and had children, that experience may have forced them to mature.
If the sociologists had ever served in combat, perhaps they would understand this. I suspect that they never have.
38. Sarah P. said the following at 1:58 PM on Apr 25:
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I'm with BDB (#23). We all can lead and nurture in our generation without being married. Many of us, in fact, may have to do exactly that, the way things are looking.
I think second list of five items really does knock the scales off our eyes. I find it easier and more joyful to step ahead on crazy big projects when I know that God is responsible and in control instead of myself, for example. I can push to exhaustion when I know that I have nothing to lose. I can let go for the greater good when I know that there is a bigger plan at play than my own.
Good stuff.
39. Celebok said the following at 4:27 PM on Apr 25:
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There will always be those who measure other people's transition into "adulthood" by their preconceived milestones. The question you need to ask yourself is, what difference is that to you? I don't care one bit if some stranger out there posts an article defining the milestones of maturity according to their own opinion. They don't know me, and they have no bearing whatsoever on my life. The people whose opinions DO matter are those who influence my life and vice versa, i.e. close friends, family, mentors, bosses, church leaders, etc. If you're truly living your life in a mature manner, and someone has a preconceived notion that single people aren't mature, then theoretically, all they have to do is get to know you, and they'll be proven wrong. That is, if you're living your life in a mature manner. If the people who know you and interact with you on a regular basis still see you as a kid, then that's probably because you're acting like a kid!
Now, it's also important to note that there's a difference between "immature" and "young at heart", and a lot of people tend to blur the difference, in both their perceptions of themselves and of others. There's nothing wrong with having fun hanging out with single friends, going out dancing a couple of nights a week, talking about your favorite TV shows, and going on impromptu weekend road trips (I'm basically describing myself here), but if these are the only things that come to other people's minds when they think of you, then don't complain if the people in your life treat you like a kid. And maybe you ARE serving God in ways that most people don't see -- that's a HUGE sign of spiritual maturity. After all, you shouldn't be doing things to win man's approval, you should be doing things to be obedient to God. Likewise, whom you choose to date or not date isn't most people's business. Just be aware of how your life comes across to others, and either accept their responses or adjust your life accordingly.
40. justice said the following at 10:48 AM on Apr 26:
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can we keep comments to a maximum word count? there are good things said on here, but too often I have ot read through mini-novels to get only a slice of goodness