On Praying for a Husband | Boundless Line

On Praying for a Husband
by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin on 07/20/2010 at 3:52 PM

In today's featured article, Candice writes about "How to Pray for a Husband." I expected to find a formula there, but it was refreshingly absent. Praying for a husband, like praying for anything, is not a matter of negotiating with God for what we want.

Did I pray for a husband? Yes. Was I good at it? Consistent at it? No.

But here was the important thing about praying for a husband: it refocused my eyes on Jesus and allowed me to trust him in EVERY area, and particularly this area that was so near to my heart. Candice puts it this way:

Peter wasn't supposed to be able to walk on water. And when he made that fact his focus, along with the storm and treacherous waves around him, he did what you'd expect. He sank. But when he fixed his eyes on Christ, he did the unexpected.

For many women, getting married would seem just as miraculous. Praise God that He hasn't changed — He's still the same wonder-working God who walked with Peter on the water. He still does the unexpected. But we have to do our part. We have to keep our eyes on Him. In the process, He may change our attitudes, our expectations, our habits, our health — whatever needs changing. He can do anything — He's God. You can trust Him and count on Him. He is faithful.

Praying for a husband, an activity I did weekly with a friend, helped to reorient my thinking. Instead of being down in the dumps over what I didn't yet have, I was able to be reminded of God's power and great care for me. Even on a human level, I would think about my friend -- and how much I wanted to see a godly man come into her life -- and I knew God's care for her (and me) far exceeded mine. Even better, He had the resources and ability to make it happen!

What did we pray? We prayed that God would prepare our hearts for marriage and make us good wives and mothers. We prayed that God would orchestrate all the circumstances in our lives in accordance with His will, including those in the romantic arena. We prayed that our future husbands would be bold, courageous leaders, unashamed of wanting a wife, marriage and children. God answered those prayers for me. But as I prayed I had no idea how He was going to do it; I just had faith that He could ... and if it was part of His best for me, He would.

Though Candice's article was directed at women, I should add here that Kevin had been praying for a godly wife who shared his passion for children's ministry. At the time we first met, he had set himself apart from dating for a six-month period to get out of unhealthy relationship habits and be focused and ready to see the woman God had for him -- the one he had been praying for.

I believe that God used Kevin's prayers, and mine, to bring us together. Praying about our future spouses put our minds and hearts in the right place to recognize one another, and when that happened we were able to give God the glory for answering our prayers.

Dating & Courtship , Marriage & Family , Men & Women | Mail This | Share on Facebook

Comments

You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

1. Tami said the following at 4:15 PM on Jul 20:

Good article. The Lord is speaking to my heart A LOT about paying less attention to things and behaviors that are simply oriented towards "marriage" and paying more attention to just simply following and obeying Him. He is really showing me some interesting things and changing my perspective. As hard as it is.

Also I would really be interested in hearing about Kevin's "sabbatical" from dating... I mean, the principles, not the specifics :). I think it would be beneficial for many of us.

2. Roxanne said the following at 4:32 PM on Jul 20:

AMEN! :)

3. Guest said the following at 5:28 PM on Jul 20:

http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0000961.cfm

I found the above boundless article to be super helpful.

4. Craig M. said the following at 5:30 PM on Jul 20:

A lot of autobiographical posting these days.

5. Me said the following at 7:52 PM on Jul 20:

A whole six months, huh? And he met you before that six months even was up? Gee, that's a long time to wait for a spouse. *rolls eyes*

6. wondering one said the following at 9:02 PM on Jul 20:

I appreciated this article so much and it seemed to come at just the perfect timing for me. I was wishing I could comment on the article to Candice, but at least I can leave a comment here.

I had recently stopped praying for a husband because I was so discouraged in this area and felt I had no hope for a future, godly marriage. Pretty sad. I know. It wasn't that I thought God couldn't provide a husband for me but rather that He didn't want to and it was just a selfish idea of mine.

Part of this came from a time almost 2 years ago that I shared a prayer request "that God would bring me a godly husband" with an older woman in my church who I thought would be encouraging and helpful in this area of my life. Instead she was anything but helpful and encouraging. She basically implied that I was discontent because I had a desire for marriage and said straight to my face "I WON'T pray that God will bring you a husband but I will pray that you will be content." Ouch! It stung so bad it almost felt like a slap in the face!

Where am I going with all this? Basically, I had lost the idea that praying for a husband was indeed a good thing and instead thought that I really was foolish for wanting something so big and bold and life-changing from God. Maybe God only answers weak, sissy prayers because they are easy.

That was where I was at. I am past that point now, providentially, after much soul-searching and asking God to do a lot of things in my life other than marriage. And maybe marriage really isn't in God's plan for my life, but now I feel like I can still pray for it in hope and realize that even if God never answers that prayer He will have something better for me and HE will still be there even if a husband and children never are a part of my life. He is God and He has a purpose for me because I am His child. That is what I have had to come to grips with.

So my question is how do you get past the hurt and anger at someone who basically treats your sincere prayer request as foolishness and how do you rebuild a trust in God that He is good no matter what comes (or doesn't come) your way in life?
I have prayed multiple times that God would help me forgive this women because it is what I need to do, but it is still a work in progress.

I have been pondering the character of God lately and I think I need to study it more in depth to get a true, Biblically accurate picture of who God is and how He works. I know I have some very distorted, wrong views of God that affect the way I pray and trust in Him.

I have had to really work through meditating on the Cross of Christ and Scripture to see God as a loving, merciful Father to His children and not an angry, wrathful judge who is just poised to pound them when they mess up.

Maybe you could touch on that in another article or something along the lines of how God builds our faith and how He can be trusted to do good in our lives when so many things can seem like insurmountable obstacles.

I have had so many obstacles in the last 2 years that I won't go into here, but it has indeed shaken my faith to the very core.

Thank you, again, Candice, for writing such a timely, God-honoring and Scriptural response to such a giant need in many people's lives.

7. Kelly-1 said the following at 9:09 PM on Jul 20:

What happened to your friend? Does she have a new prayer partner to continue praying for a husband?

8. Sarah P. said the following at 9:32 PM on Jul 20:

Wondering one, I think Suzanne wrote an article about struggling with sickness that is just along the lines you mention. She thought her life was going one way, and then it didn't seem to be. At all. (It was a good & memorable article, Suzanne!)

Also, I think of many people in the Bible who seemed temporarily blocked (or even permanently) from their life visions. I always find Hebrews chapters 11-13 encouraging.

9. Dianne C said the following at 11:12 PM on Jul 20:

" Praise God that He hasn't changed — He's still the same wonder-working God who walked with Peter on the water. He still does the unexpected. But we have to do our part. We have to keep our eyes on Him. In the process, He may change our attitudes, our expectations, our habits, our health — whatever needs changing. He can do anything — He's God. You can trust Him and count on Him. He is faithful."

Though this article/post, focuses on praying for a husband, I saw a new light on the story of Peter walking in water that can be applied to various challenges in life :)

Thanks Candice & Suzanne!

10. RLynn said the following at 7:12 AM on Jul 21:

I agree, great article (as always), Candice. For #6, I am sorry that you risked sharing your heart with someone who failed you--ask God to help you discern another woman who will pray with you and be supportive and forgiveness is an act and not necessariy a feeling. It may take a while for the pain to go away. I have (and still do, to some extent) some of the same feelings that you have about prayer for a spouse and know that God knows your desires better than you do. In helping to "gain confidence" in who God is--meditate and remind yourself of things that God has done in your life--how He has "come through" for you, how He has been faithful and thank Him for those things. Ask Him to help you search your heart for areas where you can thank Him. There are many passages in the Psalms where David was in trouble (mostly becaused he was being pursued by enemies, but one is from his own sin) and how he cries out to God and then praises Him for His steadfastness, power, mercy and love--these passages are powerful reminders of how God cares for us. It sounds like you may be at a point of despair and God wants you to be hopeful for whatever He has in store for you--and I'm praying that that involves a husband.

11. monicarose said the following at 7:18 AM on Jul 21:

I've been praying for a spouse since my early 20s. Now at 32, I stopped praying because I'm still not married with no prospects in sight. I read articles like this and get a little irritated on the inside, because I want to say , 'I did pray... for *years*! And nothing happened!'

I don't want to keep praying if God never plans on marriage for me. But how do I know? How do you know the difference between God saying no and God saying not yet?

12. AprilC said the following at 10:20 AM on Jul 21:

#6 wondering one:

I replied to you on that other thread, too!

It makes me so sad that someone you hoped might be a prayer partner treated you that way. Don't stop being honest about your desires - there are other people who will pray for you - like me! And RLynn!

You surely seem to be on the right track, forgiving "seventy times seven" no matter how difficult this is. Keep it up!

I am *finally* married after years of praying. During those years, contentment with my lot wasn't really a problem. Don't guard against wanting marriage too much! Rather, guard against complacency, which disguises itself as contentment, and is all too rampant in our society (regarding singleness anyway). Being content is a really good thing - you'll need it when you are married too!

Constantly and consistently praying for something will also stand you in good stead for all your life to come. You'll still need a pattern of prayer once you are married - husbands don't cease to need it once you have actually met them!

And remember, God doesn't give us rocks or snakes in answer to prayer. Jesus likens our ability to approach Him with the story of a widow who kept PESTERING a judge. He used this story in my life to enable me to come with confidence day after day after day with my humble request! Because God isn't a judge, He is a loving Father who loves you and knows you and has a glorious plan for you.

In the years before marriage, God used my prayers to Him to do a lot of changing in me, but He never did shift my hopes to another direction. He created marriage, after all! And I never did feel called to celibate service, although while single I did my best to serve Him. It is amazing how preparing for marriage before you've ever met your husband helps with relationships all around you and refines you in preparation too! Besides all this, as I prayed for my earthly husband, I began to experience great anticipation for the return of Christ. I didn't know which would come first! But rather than dreading the appearance of our Lord, by realizing it was like waiting for my one true love here on earth, I became very excited! And at last came to the point where I was equally content with whichever came first, even if Christ's return meant I'd never have an earthly husband.

Well, my friend, I don't know if any of this helps, but I really do hope to encourage you. And I join with RLynn in praying for/with you. Trusting in the Lord that He will give you the desires of your heart. Oh, I know - hope deferred makes the heart sick...but know this - desire fulfilled is a tree of life! And should the Lord cease to tarry, you will have a special place at the marriage supper of the Lamb. Those of us who have longed for marriage all our lives will not be disappointed or rejected in this!

May the Lord bless you today!

13. Adrienne said the following at 10:35 AM on Jul 21:

Wondering One (#6), if you'd like to study more about the character of God, you would really benefit from reading "The Knowledge of the Holy" by A.W. Tozer. It's short and very concise, but extremely powerful. It will completely change you view of God. I highly encourage you to read it. Many blessings!

14. Spunky said the following at 10:41 AM on Jul 21:

@ Monicarose
Do you still have the desire to get married after praying for years?

If so keep praying. God gives you desires of your heart. (the good ones!)

I have personally been praying for a "job" more than a husband.

15. Suzanne Hadley Gosselin said the following at 10:45 AM on Jul 21:

Me #5: It was indefinite (though at least six months) and he didn't start pursuing me until 8 months after our initial meeting.

16. Andrea-Elena said the following at 11:11 AM on Jul 21:

I had thought the article was going to be about praying (interceding) for the man who would be eventually be your husband (Lord willing and "the crick don't rise"), like Father, You know who he is. I lift him up to You as he searches Your Word, that he be granted the wisdom he needs today and words of cheer or comfort or strength or conviction, whatever his need is. Thank You for guiding him... as You have guided me.

Is it goofy to pray like that? (Esp. if a gal doesn't know if she'll ever marry. I mean, she's not omniscient!)

17. Craig M. said the following at 11:15 AM on Jul 21:

Monica -- My answer, for what it's worth, is that God's ways are inscrutable. Suzanne may just have been lucky. Certainly history tells us there have been better men and women than us who prayed far longer and harder for more desperate needs, and still heard no answer in this life. The martyrs must have prayed for deliverance; victims of the holocaust and the gulag likewise. Our needs are slight by comparison.

My recommendation is that you take charge of your desires. If you desire marriage, ask yourself what else you could do to promote the possibility if you decided it was up to you. Then do those things.

18. Tami said the following at 11:49 AM on Jul 21:

AprilC, your message is very encouraging!

To add to the recommendations of studying God's character, I also recommend Knowing God by J.I. Packer, and the devotional books Praying the Names of God and Praying the Names of Jesus by Ann Spangler. Additionally, I suggest studying the book of Genesis. Many of God's covenant names are revealed in that book, and it taught me SO much -- more than any book, really -- about God's character and His covenant love, and about how to walk by faith rather than sight. The people in that book struggle honestly and earnestly, and watch God prevail.

19. Heather said the following at 12:02 PM on Jul 21:

Great point Craig!- "My recommendation is that you take charge of your desires. If you desire marriage, ask yourself what else you could do to promote the possibility if you decided it was up to you. Then do those things."
So true. Crosswalk.com said something similar - "Pray to God, and row to shore"
We take the initiative to go to college and get a job, but we wait for God to do all the work of finding a spouse for us.

20. RLynn said the following at 12:36 PM on Jul 21:

#12-April C:

Amen!

21. Suzanne Hadley Gosselin said the following at 2:00 PM on Jul 21:

James 5:16: Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

22. Craig M. said the following at 2:24 PM on Jul 21:

Suzanne -- no one is denying that Christians ought to pray, that God hears prayer, or that in some sense prayer has meaningful spiritual results. No one is denying that God sometimes grants prayers for physical needs and desires; I think He sometimes does.

Are YOU saying that God will necessarily give us what we want in this life just because we've prayed for it?

23. Nate said the following at 3:18 PM on Jul 21:

This was a good article, but I wonder why it wasn't entitled, "How to Pray for a Spouse" or why an equivalent article for young men on how to pray for a wife (I'm one of those seemingly rare guys who is vocal in his desire to be married). Could such an article be written? That would be nice.

24. Jeremiah (from Denver) said the following at 3:43 PM on Jul 21:

I pray for a wife almost every day. A buddy shared with me the ACTS method:

Adoration
Confession
Thanksgiving
Supplication

I've never felt guilty or inappropriate about "supplication". The bible tells us to lay all our requests before God. God loves to hear from us.

25. Suzanne Hadley Gosselin said the following at 3:46 PM on Jul 21:

#22: I believe we can see answers to our prayers, sometimes yes; sometimes no; sometimes wait. But when we see an answer to prayer, we should glorify our Father for His intervention in our lives.

Your initial post seemed to discredit the recognition of answered prayers. But God invites us to approach the throne of grace with confidence and then give Him praise for the things only He can do.

26. Heather said the following at 3:54 PM on Jul 21:

Hey Nate and Jeremiah, please keep praying! I have so many great single Christian girlfriends that would be so encouraged to know that men are praying for wives.

27. Rebekah in SoCal said the following at 3:57 PM on Jul 21:

Wow. I've been those hard places when you just can't pray for a spouse (or another good thing you really want). When that happens, I have to deal with what I beleive about God. Here is an exerpt from a letter I wrote to my mentor after a long day of contending with God. (Longtime Boundless readers may notice a line or two that I stole from Suzanne).

------------------------------------

I've been at a point of not wanting to pray for a husband, b/c the situation as I see it is that there are just going to be a lot of us who don't get to experience a marriage with a man of God.

In the context of our study about God’s character and names ("God-The Almighty" "the God who sees, who truly looks after me"), I've been struggling to hold onto hope. I've wanted to ask God for a partner (in the form of a husband), but my soul scoffs, "why pray for a husband when there just isn't one available for God to give". (All the while I will give intellectual assent to the concept that God does work miracles, but given the circumstances of the generation pool I am living/fishing in, it feels like wishful thinking of the most shallow kind to say "I'm believing God for a husband" or "I'm just waiting/believing that God will bring us together".

So I think all that has been left for me to do, is to learn more about God's character, to know him. (Eventually, there may be practical action points--like fishing in the young adults group of other Churches in addition to Trinity--but first I've got to have a view of God that informs my circumstances rather than a view of my circumstances that informs my understanding of and faith in God.) I spent several hours today crying out to God about my despair in my situation and reading the verses about how God is El Shaddai the Lord God the Almighty. and that this means he can do all things, that no plan of his can be thwarted (Job 42:2) That the God who sees truly cares for me.

I suppose that this means that God can get me a husband even in this barren wasteland (<--a touch melodramatic but that's what it feels like) but what God does or does not do is not the issue, I need to know and believe in Him. My hope now (atleast for awhile--as long as my heart is true) is not in know what God might do or what is ahead, but in knowing that God is the same before, during and after whatever it is.

28. Craig M. said the following at 5:34 PM on Jul 21:

I'm all for glorifying God. But the fact that someone finds a husband may or may not be the result of divine intervention. It's very difficult to know. And there's no reason to expect that God will necessarily deliver on our requests; He often does not. His reasons are inscrutable, though I'm sure wise beyond all measure.

29. BDB said the following at 11:09 PM on Jul 21:

Um...in Suzanne's defense - and because I don't see it in the comments - keep in mind that Suzanne and Kevin share the same calling for elementary children's ministry.

So, for those who are doubtful of prayer, why not set aside everything else on your list, and pray specifically about the calling God has for you, and ask Him to bring to your attention people who share that calling.

You may be surprised to find more people around you than you realize.

30. stuart said the following at 1:57 AM on Jul 22:

I have been praying for a wife for 20 years, praying that I will meet a special lady. But here I am at 39, never had a girlfriend, and I only have one person that I call a friend, one person that calls me from time to time (outside of family). Been going to Church all my life and only have one friend!! How does that happen? I try and try to talk to people (male and female) but get no response. BTW I don’t smell bad or have two heads, although obviously I am so ugly and dumb that I’m not the least bit attractive to anyone.
So I have a lot of trouble believing that God gives us the desire of our heart. He gives some people their desires, for no apparent reason. Me? My dreams get taken away even after much prayer. So much that my faith is in shreds and I just couldn’t be bothered anymore. Church is too hard, I don’t find it a friendly place.
I don’t understand. It’s all to hard, I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

31. Sarah P. said the following at 8:10 AM on Jul 22:

Craig M:

"Ye lust, and have not; ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain; ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not" (James 4:2).

The way to have peace on this issue is to pray about it. If God gives a husband, great! If not, then that is His answer too.

32. Andrea-Elena said the following at 12:17 PM on Jul 22:

BDB (#29):

That is a terrific idea!!!

I don't know why I hadn't thought of that before. And the concept really combines my desire to be a wife and mother and my desire to know and do what God's got me here on the earth to do (other than glorify and enjoy Him forever; I mean, me specifically ... and other than [but not in place of] being a wife and mother). I've been wanting Him to clarify my calling... I sense that there is one, and I have several gifts and talents... but I haven't yet been able to put my finger on the overarching view of it... or just haven't figured out how to articulate the "paper napkin" version of it.

Anyway, thanks for posting that particular insight. :-)

33. Zara said the following at 4:48 PM on Jul 22:

@Craig M

Sarah P is right, it's about God answering our prayers which could be yes, wait or no.

But also sometimes the not getting a spouse isn't just due to God saying no, it could be of us, or of other people or just because of the sin in this world.

It's hard not to get those desires but God is faithful and is faithful to bring us through any situation.

34. Andrea in Florida said the following at 7:19 PM on Jul 22:

#27 and #30 Stuart and Rebekah:

I am in the same situation as ya'll and I just want to say that I was so relieved to read your posts. Of course I'm not happy that ya'll are living with hope deferred, as I am, but I just want to thank you for your honesty and openness. When I read your posts, I felt like I was reading my own thoughts. It's not easy to find people who understand the plight of "older" young singles in the church. Singles are expected to "be content" and "trust in the Lord", but the Lord also placed very real physical timelines in our lives and bodies regarding marriage and childbearing (esp for women). When one can see that timeline nearing it's end, it feels devastating. And trying to process the mixed emotions of trusting God but facing reality can be so painful and harsh sometimes. I wish I had the answers, but for now, I'm just glad to know I'm not alone out there. Thank you guys.

35. Berean Girl said the following at 9:39 PM on Jul 22:

Stuart please don't give, please hold on... theres a testimony sooner than you think. My heart goes out to you

36. Kevin P. Smith said the following at 10:10 PM on Jul 22:

Stuart-I am sitting here right now feeling almost erie(in a good way). Have you been following me around in my life also??? Man! This is creepy, again, in a good way. I could have written EXACTLY what you wrote almost verbatim. I mean it! As I was reading your posting I kept going "Yeah!," "Yeah!'" "YEAH!!!" "Exactly!!!" To be quite honest, I usually read articles/postings like this & go yeah, yeah, yeah it always seems to work for everyone else but not me. I have been praying for a wife for 25-30 yrs(I'm 49). I thought by now & away before now, I would be married, have 2-3 children & live in the little ivy covered cottage with a picket fence. I haven't been out on a date for YEARS. I have done everything I know & sometimes don't know to help find a wife or even unmarried female friends, but nothing......again. I have been raised in church, active in church to the hilt. I've tried dating services(the one that starts with a lower case vowel) & nothing really came of that. I am an educated, professional guy who is very down to earth. I have a good sense of humor, talented, & so on. I didn't mean to promote myself there at all but just to let you know that I am not some alien or mutant, I TOO have tried & I just don't understand at all! I pray & pray & pray & pray & pray & pray & pray for Christ to show me what I am doing wrong or what I should do and nothing, not even a crack in that dating/relationship/wife situation. I also have & am very disappointed in church. Your church family is supposed to be there to encourage, support, & pray for you but that is not the case at all. It seems that churches, ministries, Christain groups that all claim to to want to help us singles & be all that for us that they need & should be - AREN'T ! The church world & ministries don't seem to have a clue to what we singles are going through. I would love to find a entire website dedicated TOTALLY to the single person, not just a 'token' site but one that is 100% for the single people, their spiritual, personnal, emotional, mental, financial stuggles. Well, Stuart, I could really go on & on & on & on here but again, I know that you somehow have been 'shadowing' my life because you have expressed right to the core my thoughts exactly. Thank you!!! I feel so much better to know that there is at least one other person out there & a male also, who has said so much like what I feel. Hope to hear back from you my friend!

37. gracenote3 said the following at 7:16 AM on Jul 23:

Just wanted to add another scripture to Candace's footnotes--Lately I've been seeing Job 29 being referred to as the "Proverbs 31 for men." Check it out.

And a note about calling: a wise friend once said, when you marry, each partner must be willing to lay down their individual callings and seek a common calling as husband-and-wife. That was good for ME to hear, as I have been anxious about finding someone who shares with me a very specific calling in life (in addition to strong faith!), which seems so impossible.

I now see that if the PERSON is right, the Lord will surely have a purpose for us TOGETHER. That purpose could be the same as each of our individual callings (with God nothing is impossible!); or just ONE of them; or none--something completely new.

Bless you all as we pray and fast for godliness and for marriages.

38. Brittany said the following at 9:45 AM on Jul 23:

To Rebekah in SoCal:

We are -><- right here in terms of places in our spiritual journey...that is EXACTLY how I feel. I know that God can work miracles, but I think, why would He do something like *that* for me? I'm not in fear of my life every day, there are many people who have worse problems than me so who am I to ask for such a thing...I have comfortable shelter, food, transportation, good health...so why would He intercede on my behalf for such a seemingly 'secondary' request? Even as I struggle with lust....every day is a battle to not 'draw away from God' in shame and embarrassment.....

39. Nate said the following at 11:08 AM on Jul 23:

Re: Heather (#26) - I'm glad to hear your girlfriends are happy to hear that, but I must admit it is tough. In fact, I haven't prayed for a wife for a while. I hesitate to do so after the many heartaches I've suffered. My last girlfriend (an absolutely wonderful young woman I didn't see myself dating, but after a year of God orechestyrating circumstances to bring us together) broke up with me last September despite saying I didn't do anything wrong. I'm still not over her. I'm not sure I could care about someone else the way I did for her. Because of this and my other heactbreaks, I have my doubts that a woman will stick with me despite all I'm told I have to offer.

40. Gina said the following at 11:54 AM on Jul 23:

I wrote an article recently about the frustration a lot of us Christian singles are feeling. Though I wrote it from a woman's perspective, I think it applies to guys too, so I hope members of both genders will get something helpful out of it.

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2010/julyweb-only/59-11.0.html

41. Ashley said the following at 12:28 PM on Jul 23:

AprilC (#12)

First of all, I want to say that I loved your post. It was a graceful and empathetic response to a situation that usually gets nothing but platitudes. I appreciate that.

But I'd like to quote this

"God doesn't give us rocks or snakes in answer to prayer"

I know this is scripture, and I know that it's biblical, but it's something that I'm wrestling with in my own walk with the Lord right now.

There are so many here that have heartbreaking testimonies of extended-extended singleness. 10+ years. It crushes me, and I mourn for them. But I can't really relate.

My own struggle has been very different. Let me preface my story by saying that I don't believe in the idea of soulmates. I don't want to derail another discussion into Calvinism :P but I do believe that there are a number of men out there with whom I could be truely happy and honestly glorify God with - if they, too, would choose me.

I HAVE prayed. And I HAVE brought this issue to the Lord. I have a journal dated back to 2006 where I wrote in honesty that I sincerely felt that the Lord had spoken to me that marriage is something he has for me. I have prayed since then, and labored to be the type of woman that a Godly man would want to marry (Although I guess what I REALLY should have done was go to the gym. :P *ducks punches*).

And I worked hard! I became successful. I volunteer in my church and my community. I have a stable career, I own a home and a car and I support missions here in the US and abroad.

Over the past year and a half the Lord has orchistrated circumstances in three separate occasions that brought me face to face with the possibility of a serious relationship. - and legitimately, Elisabeth Elliot and Joshua Harris would have come together in applauding my restraint in each instance. :P Each time, I covered the potential in prayer, I discussed with the Lord the possibilities and committed, privately, to him alone that if it were simply up to me, and to Him, that I would dedicate myself to making it work.

But in each, separate occasion, the Fellow ultimately decided that he couldn't finish what he started. Each was apologetic that he couldn't identify a specific fault with ME, they just liked being single better, the circumstances were to blame, or they didn't know, but they just didn't feel the great, intangible IT (although not feeling IT did not deter them from asking me out in the first place...). Two of these fellows are still single, One of them immediately found somebody else.

A darling friend and I were discussing this a few days ago. His put to me was that there are men out there who will go out to the store and buy a cheap suit, then go to a Ferarri dealership, just because they want to see what it's like. The dealer doesn't do a sufficient credit check, or they've doctored their accounts to make it look like they can afford the car and so they test drive it for a little while, but the whole time, they know they're only good for about $3,000. So when someone pulls up on a used lot with an old Ford Mustang on it's last legs, they leave the Ferarri dealer holding the keys and go and buy the Mustang. He said that he could kind of relate to that guy, since, he probably didn't really want the Ferarri anyway, he just wanted to be around something that made him feel special. Anyway, he pointed out, "You didn't want that guy to 'buy' you anyway. He wouldn't know how to drive a Ferrari if he had one. You would just end up in a garage somewhere because he'd be too scared to drive you."

But, I protested, what about the Guy trying to sell the Ferarri! It sucks to be on the showroom floor thinking you're going to close the deal and then all of the sudden the guy is driving off the lot in a Beater.

He then said, "Well, yeah, but the dealer isn't going to mark down the price of the car just because one guy wandered in off the street and couldn't afford it."

"But What," I asked, "About all the people on the sidewalk that walk by the dealership and admire the showroom and then go, 'Nah, I can't afford a Ferarri?' They never even walk in the door! and the showroom guy is just standing there looking at this flood of potential customers that won't even give his product a chance!"

"Again, those people are the people that wouldn't know what to do with a Ferarri if they had one."

"Well then what do you suggest? I should be more like a Chevrolet?"

"No, you should keep in tip-top shape, work on continuous improvement and wait for a Formula One racer to buy the car."

I thought it was a really cool and profitable discussion, but the bit that I'm still wrestling with is:

Why did "Management" not do the Credit checks? I was praying, I was asking and I was questioning the Lord in each of these occasions (And not "Oh Lord PUHLEEZE I want him so BAD" type prayers, but "Lord please show me your will and make me follow it even if I hate it" type prayers), and I still really feel like in each circumstance, if the man involved had made the decision that he "wanted to buy the car" (if you will) that God would have blessed it, and blessed us and glorified Himself in it.

So I guess the conflict is: If God will not give us a snake when we ask for a loaf of bread, Why have I prayed constantly, sought God, and worked hard to submit my dating life to the Lord and come up with nothing but posers in cheap suits in my dating life? And the only answer that I can come up with is that they have free will. They can choose not to want it, and so they do. But I also believe in the sovereignty of God, so why would a good God consistantly set me up for that kind of soul-crunching fender-bending failure so many times in a row?

*wrestle wrestle*

42. Craig M. said the following at 12:33 PM on Jul 23:

I find it insulting to those who have prayed diligently and yet found neither a husband/wife nor "peace" for folks like Sara P. to assert that if they pray, peace will inevitably come. Tell it to Stuart (#30). He doesn't seem at peace after 20 years of praying for a wife. What was wrong with his prayers?

"The rain falls on the just and the unjust." God's ways are inscrutable. I believe that God does consider our prayers and that He has an ultimate purpose for each of us in eternity. But eternity is a different matter from short-term peace in this life. Expecting peace to come as a direct result of prayer is utopian. That expectation has been proven false a thousand times, by a thousand men and women who prayed and yet were left without the peace they sought. Mother Theresa apparently suffered from profound doubt and lack of peace in her faith for fifty years, despite her constant devotion to God. The evidence of history is clear--for some reason, God leaves some of us dry. Perhaps there is a purpose for the period of suffering such persons endure in the next life.

43. Heather said the following at 1:14 PM on Jul 23:

Nate, please don't give up. Most of us live with heartbreak - I know I do. We all come with some type of baggage, sometimes even a lost love. Maybe you won't care for another woman in the same way you cared for the girl who broke up with you, but maybe you'll find a different type of love. A strong, mature love that isn't just a feeling, but a choice. You can choose to love someone. That kind of love is beautiful too. Stay in the game and keep looking for your wife! I don't think you'll regret it.

44. Andrea-Elena said the following at 1:50 PM on Jul 23:

Kevin P. Smith:

Here's a website all about being a Christian single living purposefully: Purposeful Singleness.
It has articles, devotions, a Bible-reading plan, forums for discussion, and more.

45. Sarah P. said the following at 3:11 PM on Jul 23:

Craig, I'm thinking of Philippians 4:6-7 --

"Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

So you can see that I didn't make it up.

46. Craig M. said the following at 4:32 PM on Jul 23:

Sarah -- I appreciate your intentions, and I acknowledge the authority of the scripture. With regards to this situation, though, I "do not think it means what you think it means."

I believe that in the end the peace of Christ will soothe our troubled hearts. I do not believe that will necessarily happen for any given individual on a specific timetable. This isn't personal; I've been blessed. But there is a lot of continuing pain in this world for a lot of very good people who seek God, and we should acknowledge that reality.

47. Trevor Dolby said the following at 5:59 PM on Jul 23:

Stuart (30): Your situation is painful to read about, let alone live through. I shall pray for you, but I wish you were within my social circle (or even the same country!) so I could do something practical as well.

The lack of friends is the most troubling; like Tyler Durden, I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.

48. Trevor Dolby said the following at 6:00 PM on Jul 23:

Craig M. (46): That is such a good film :)

I think you're right about the timetable: life can be pretty horrible, without any recognisable sign of peace inside or out, for a long time even for Christians. After all, Jesus Himself (according to standard Christian doctrine) was in Hell for a while, so why should we escape if we claim to be His followers?

49. Julie said the following at 6:54 PM on Jul 23:

I see praying for a spouse the way I see praying for a job. A very good thing, and a job could drop into your lap, as could a spouse. But more often than not, you apply for many jobs, network, etc. and wait for the results in light of the particular job market you're in. And with marriage, you therefore network, and date, all within the constraints of the particular marriage market you're in. In either case, you may need to move, change what you're looking for, or accept something that was not your absolute ideal. Or you may put in minimal effort and yet still get exactly what you wanted.

50. Tami said the following at 7:54 PM on Jul 23:

I've been seeing a LOT of people recently saying "God doesn't promise marriage."

No, He doesn't. Sometimes we suffer. Sometimes we wait. And sometimes we work. Peace and answers are not promised immediately. And yes, there are unanswered prayers.

But is that a reason to NOT pray with boldness for the things that burden us? As though we're asking for something so ridiculous that God is taunting us by not answering our prayer for the desire of our heart?

What if we gave up knocking just because "God doesn't always say yes"? Is that glorifying to Him? Especially if He hasn't flat-out said "no" yet?

51. Sarah P. said the following at 11:55 PM on Jul 23:

Peace doesn't mean a lack of pain. I didn't want to respond angrily to your last post, Craig, but I didn't find it very kind or just of you to assume that Stuart has the monopoly on pain. He may be 13 years older than I am, but I have been single for all the life I know as well.

Nor does peace mean a quiescent nirvana or resignation.

The fact is, we are all going to die. Many people died horrible deaths today in many parts of the world. With that in mind, while any pain I may feel is very real, I am able to lift thanks to God for this day and this breath.

I am praying that Stuart and others like him will find friendship and community. I refuse to believe that anyone has to remain a victim of loneliness and despair. My God is not that kind of Person. And yes, I have walked through deep and painful depression and found God there, too, every day -- because I prayed every day, "Lord, it's not enough for me to know in my mind that you exist right now. Please show me your love some way. Today. Please."

God answers prayer. So if He hasn't responded the way we want in answer to prayers for a spouse, He has a good reason. That's all I know.

God bless!

52. BDB said the following at 1:10 AM on Jul 24:

gracenote3 (#37) wrote:

>>And a note about calling: a wise friend once said, when you marry, each partner must be willing to lay down their individual callings and seek a common calling as husband-and-wife<<

Well, it will undoubtedly evolve. But among couples I know who have a shared calling today, they had SOME kind of a shared calling when they began. Granted, it may have started with a vague call into ministry, and evolved into seminary and missions.

My grandparents had a shared calling of education, and over the last 70+ years it's expressed itself in different ways. But they both say that they valued it for as long as they remember - and based on their undergraduate training, it was true before they met.

Andrea-Elena (#32) wrote:

>>I don't know why I hadn't thought of that before<<

I can't remember if I mentioned it before. But I started thinking that way a while ago. I was recently at an event and a woman I only know a little bit started talking about how something like this was what she was feeling God was calling her to do. It's not someone I'd ever discussed spiritual things with before. The conversation just headed that direction. Wasn't a church event either - secular event.

I do think people let themselves get way too busy, and jam so many activities into their life that those who might be good prospects simply get shoved away.

It amazes me that some women have their spare time/weekends planned out for the next six weeks. On a practical level, that means that a man who just met someone he MIGHT find interesting also might not be able to talk to her in person for what - two months? It comes across as "not interested."

At least if you use calling as your standard, then when you cross paths with someone who starts talking about a calling that's at least close - you can remember that you were praying for God to point out people with a similar calling, and then MAKE time for a cup of coffee, even if you don't know them.

53. BDB said the following at 1:21 AM on Jul 24:

Oh, there's another reason why talking about your calling is a good idea. You have your bad matchmakers (they have a divorced friend and shove them at any single person of the opposite sex), and you have your people who do nothing. But if you're talking about your calling, and a third party runs across someone else talking about that calling, well, then they can introduce you and you have something to talk about.

It's super-easy to say, "Bob - this is Jill. Bob went on the Thailand trip to serve the orphans in the refugee camp last summer. Jill goes to the orphanage in Mexico to help out a few times a year."

54. Tim Mills said the following at 7:29 AM on Jul 24:

Thank you for this great article. I met with some godly men from my church last week to pray over these desires and it was such a blessing. We pray that God will provide, but also that we will be focused on what He wants, and ultimately focused on Him directly.

God bless!

--Tim

55. a sassy sister said the following at 11:10 AM on Jul 24:

@Craig M: I do agree that God's ways are higher than ours, but I also believe that God answers prayers--it's just that in addition to His ways being higher than ours,I think that we have to remember that God's goodness or faithfulness is not dependent on us receiving everything we want or having our way.

I also believe that in some ways single Christian men and women(especially older ones) have been given a bum rap when it comes to a)dealing with their desires for marriage in a healthy way, and b) towing the balance between being active in engaging in healthy relationships with the opposite sex.

As someone who has prayed for her brothers in her life on and off for a few years, I can say that nearly all the men on the list are married and or married with children, while I'm still single. I definitely understand many of the commenters anguish.

But here's what I do know: Christianity doesn't mean that our lives on earth are exempt from trial and suffering. Furthermore, I definitely believe that since heaven is not our home, we must recognize that others are not responsible for our contentment or happiness---our fallen human nature has the tendency to never be satisfied apart from God. That's why you have people who get married and still have emptiness and loneliness.

I am thoroughly convinced that in this scenario we have two options:
we can wallow in self-pity and bemoan our single status, or we can recognize that we have the prime opportunity to live and enjoy our lives.

56. Melanie said the following at 1:06 PM on Jul 24:

To Craig M: “I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

If we just gave in to God's perfect will if would all be different then. I know it is not easy to say "Thy will be done" but we can reach that point every day and He will give us peace and contentment, which is better than anything we could ever have outside of Him.

The reason why we do not feel peace is because deep inside we do not want to die to our hopes and dreams, we just want God to do our will and we don't want to give up our desires.

I know it because I went through it. After a horrible breakup with ´the man of my dreams´, I said to God: "I prefer to remain single for the rest of my life than to be with someone who is not Your perfect will for me". But then after many days I would forget that I had prayed that and would start longing for this man again.

This went on for a whole year and a half, several times I cried while praying "God I want to really submit to Your will, if Your will is I will never marry then so be it". God's miracle was performed after a lady from church prayed for me and I started to feel real peace. A few months later I met my husband.

I think God really wants us to surrender our desires to Him and trust Him completely, because we need that contentment in order to go through life's trials. Married life also has its unique struggles and we have to learn to rest in God's peace and contentment through every circumstance.

We do not know for sure if we will get married, but we have the best promise of all, that will be fulfuilled for His children: Spending time in eternity with Him, living abundantly until the end of time.

57. Rachel said the following at 4:24 PM on Jul 24:

wow - this topic brings out so much depth of emotion! i think that any situation with long-term unanswered prayer does so, digging to the very depths of our hearts and fears. i ache for those still praying, facing disillusionment and fighting bitterness. i empathize with those who were so hopeful about carefully prayed-over relationships, seeking to honor God in every step of them only to have them end in sadness. i think of this JJ Heller song lyric "faith means holding on to You; grace means You're holding me too"

Ultimately, we may not be given answers. Not all of us may eventually marry. We may often wonder through life how it's possible that the suffering it brings can't come close to the glory that awaits.

But look at what company we're in! the saints listed in Hebrews 11 who are praised for believing without seeing. The generations of God's people that held fast despite years of silence and darkness - hundreds of them that spanned the end of the Old Testament and Matthew's introduction to the New. Job, who faced suffering most of us will not be able to touch. And waiting for fulfillment of a promise? 60 years; 70? Abraham, Hannah, Simeon, Anna....

Then there are those who wait now. Sometimes i think satan whispers to us that we are the exception to the "no temptation has overtaken except that which is common to man" and we begin to think that our suffering, rather than bringing fellowship, is exclusive and untouchable. my own prayer-warrior of a mother has waited years for the fruit of salvation prayers on behalf of those she loves the most. she weeps and doubts and prays again. what about those who did get married?... now - no babies. still. years pass with baby showers, nieces, nephews, waning fertility - and still they wait. godly couples who long to honor God and raise children to do the same. or others who married with high expectations, yet live daily with the horrific results of sin - loneliness in a shared bed, secret abuse, heartbreaking unfaithfulness, years of a set-in-stone future with those who no longer try to love them...

God is sovereign AND loving. He has not disappeared from a dark world filled with orphans, widows or child soldiers. He has not ceased to give us hope that His mercy is forever, especially and sweetly to those who He has covenanted with. He'll wipe each individual tear one day soon, and our questions and doubts will dissipate at the first glimpse of His glory. And till then, through the vale of tears and valley of the shadow, He is ABLE to keep us from stumbling and present us before the Throne - with great joy!

58. Kevin P. Smith said the following at 10:12 PM on Jul 24:

Thank you #44 & Craig-Again, I totally agree with you. I too have been blessed beyond measure, but for all of the earthly things I have I would give them away for a wife & children. Whenever I see a family out enjoying whatever they are doing a pang of hurt comes into my soul that usually lingers there for quite some time. We singles greatly struggle in ways that the married world and yes even some singles don't have a clue to.

59. Angie Marie said the following at 11:03 PM on Jul 24:

Andrea-Elena (#16), I don't find it goofy at all!

I must admit that I may be biased, though, as I pray very specific prayers on a weekly--if not daily--basis. ("God, help my future husband not to stress over homework this week." "Lord, help my future husband not to give into pressure to drink this weekend." "Lord, help him to avoid becoming overly flirtatious in his conversations with female friends." And on and on, haha.)

I'm a college student. I have no idea if I've met the man God wants me to marry yet, but I do know that the boys on my campus who have pursued me are by no means spiritually mature enough for marriage or, frankly, even dating. (Of course, I should humbly admit that I am by no means "wife" material yet, myself.)

When I see the boys with whom I am friends or classmates struggling with certain issues, I feel motivated to pray that my future husband (who is likely in their age group, even if he is not one of them) will succeed in his battles against these very same issues.

Anyway, it will be amusing if my husband turns out to be someone much older or younger or someone who does not have higher education--since my prayers are always centered around praying for my future husband's college years ("God, help him with finals," ect, haha.)

The good thing about these specific prayers, though, is that they force me to trust God on a more intimate level. They also motivate me to work on sin issues of my own. When I pray for my future husband to conquer fleshly desires such as lust--or tendencies to be overly flirtatious, or disrespectful to his mother, or lazy with homework assignments--I am more successful in fighting those battles myself.

God's plan may or may not be for me to marry, but I do know that His plan entails me learning to trust Him. These specific and perhaps "goofy" prayers bring me closer to Him everyday.

60. Tara said the following at 8:03 AM on Jul 25:

I don't think God's peace means you feel calm and good and happy at all times or even ever. Sometimes, I think, the victory comes when your soul is no longer at war with God. You may still question or get angry from time to time but you believe He still loves you and has your good in mind.

And hope deferred or even loneliness can be felt at all life stages so extended singleness isn't an excuse to feed bitterness towards God or to question the power of prayer. I am a huge proponent of prayer and that God wants us to use that to communicate with Him and to work through that.

My own personal story in regards to praying for a husband: It was 2006 and I was hopelessly single (and I mean hopelessly). I started to pray to be married by the end of 2008. I even wrote the request down in my journal. I knew God had been calling me to specifically be a wife and I knew I couldn't bring this about on my own (every "potential" I had known already either rejected me or had moved away for school). It wasn't until November 2007 that I finally started dating a wonderful, Godly man and in December 2008 we were married.

Don't question the power of prayer. It might not get you a spouse but what better way to commune with God?

Really, I just want people to hold on. Don't give up. I am speaking from the midst of personal tragedy and the worst depression I've ever known. Please believe me when I say that God is still with you in the midst of pain and you CAN have peace in spite of the pain and even the doubts.

61. YvetteS said the following at 10:04 AM on Jul 25:

One question we keep coming to on this issue is "If a true Christian desires a husband/wife, should their desire for marriage indicate that God WILL give them a husband/wife?"

Many people interpret the text that says that God will give you the desires of your heart to mean that yes, God will give you a spouse if that is what you desire.

I don't think that is necessarily the case. I would guess that plenty of true Christians have died in the faith while hoping and praying for a spouse. Did God fail them? No, but God does not always give us everything we want, even if our desires are not sinful.

The Old Testament prophets, the martyrs, and the life of Jesus Himself testify that not all our desires are met on this earth.

I don't say this to tell anybody to stop praying for a spouse. Sometimes, only God can tell you the differance between a "No" and a "Not Yet".

But I think it could be very discouraging for people with a heart of marriage, if they interpret their desire and the Bible a certain way - and they never end up getting married ....

They may end up thinking God has failed them, or wrongly think they are being punished, when the fact is that their desires were not the same as God's will on this issue.

A good story to look at is the life of Corrie Ten Boom. The "love of her life" did not marry her, and she suffered many things, yet in the end God gave her peace and joy and a wonderful testimony to the world.

62. Donna said the following at 12:39 PM on Jul 25:

This blog and Candice' article revived in me the heart to pray and to be grateful for where I am and what the Lord has done in my life. I've been also wanting to tell Candice that I've lost 20 lbs. since she talked about her husband-to-be gently talking to her about being able to have wings. And she took that as an encouragement to lose weight. I wanted to thank her for the nudge.

63. Heather said the following at 9:10 AM on Jul 26:

I believe Craig M. is correct.

64. Zara said the following at 10:26 AM on Jul 26:

@Craig M
You quoted ‘Expecting peace to come as a direct result of prayer is utopian’ But that is what scripture promises us, isn’t it?
Phil 4:6-7, Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.

Also even Paul struggled with praying for an issue that wouldn’t leave and said that God said ‘ My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’

God may not honour our specific request which he never promised to, he promises us to answer our prayers. Sometimes the answers are very different to what we expect but God is faithful and good and he cares.

Praying for something doesn’t mean that there is no action on our part either, faith without works is dead, but sometimes your post alleviates the need to pray just because some people did not get a specific request answered.

For me personally, I have been praying for a husband for over 10 years, with no results what so ever!! I still believe God for one in the future but I also believe he has already answered my prayers in the last year as he has really changed me to really trust Him and to know Him more. It’s not the answer I want but it is the best for me now no matter how I feel! Why did it take me so long to come to this point? I don’t know! Will I still feel like this in a few years if I am still unmarried? I do not know that either!! But as I said before, I believe that I will marry in the future but if not, God is still good and he is still faithful, no matter how anguished, pained or frustrated I feel.

But you are right, there are some people that marriage just happens so easily and there are some that it doesn’t happen at all especially in this day and age.

One persons norm could be another persons miracle that is just the nature of life. I do believe Suzanne was not just lucky, from reading her previous articles and blogs it wasn’t so much her just meeting her husband that was the miracle or answer to her prayers but more how he was preparing her heart years and years before to actually recognize him.
Suzanne quotes- ‘Praying about our future spouses put our minds and hearts in the right place to recognize one another’ Correct me if I'm wrong Suzanne, but that’s what I thought the point of the article was about!

There are many times ‘when God does not make sense’ but that is life and that is Christianity, in whatever situation we just have to believe that God is good, he is sovereign and faithful even though everything in us cries opposite.

65. AprilC said the following at 11:22 AM on Jul 26:

#41 Ashley,

What can I say?

Well, thank you, first, for sharing. Before my own marriage and even now to this day I have had a burden for those who desire godly marriage and thus far have had it elude them. I am always so honored to have God put someone new on my heart to pray for them - and you are there now. :)

Before I was married, I spent a good bit of time studying out sovereignty and free will regarding this very subject! Having a decidedly practical bent, I felt that while waiting for the answer to my prayer and studying, a few things God would have me do: be open about my desire for marriage, trust that He could fulfill it, and as Candice speaks about "live like I was planning to marry."

But back to the sovereignty issue - I will admit that I have always been a shy person. If it weren't for God's acting in my life, I wouldn't have even gotten anywhere with my now-husband due to my ridiculous introversion. So it was VERY important to me to pray that God direct my life in this matter.

At the same time, with my belief that Christ could return at any time, I found a new hope not centered on earthly dreams - a wedding supper to which I was invited as part of the Bride, the church. Waiting for a husband was like waiting for Christ - but there would be no disappointments in store with my Lord!

For marriage is not the answer to our most beautiful dreams - Christ is. And whether married or not, when He is in the center of our thoughts, life is the most fulfilling.

I would think of such things, but of course I still wanted to get married! And my Father, who dearly loved me, wasn't telling me to shut my mouth. Sometimes now that I am married, I remember those days of sweet fellowship with Him and...miss them.

Well, I wish I was better at writing more concisely! One or two more thoughts: all the prayers? They were good, as I said before, for beginning a hopefully lifelong pattern of praying. All the waiting? There is much waiting in a relationship, in a marriage, waiting for children, so all the waiting was mere practice. And the other fellows moving in and out of the picture? I never had one date before I met my now-husband, but there were some other guys kind of in the background. They served as a God-given contrast to one particular man when the time came!

To you, Ashley, and to those others speaking of prayer and peace - you CAN pray through to peace. I have done it. Here is something quite interesting - I have had to pray through to receive that peace quite as much, in fact, even more often now that I am married. It passes understanding - which is how you know if you've received it.

In one way or another, all of us must wait till dwelling in Heaven with Him to experience true and everlasting joy and peace and fulfillment.

But as we journey together till that time and place, may we keep in our hearts each day the knowledge that one day we will see His face and will know as we are fully known. This is what makes living as a child of God such an adventure here and now!

66. stuart said the following at 5:28 PM on Jul 26:

Andrea 34 and Kevin 36, Sorry to hear you’re in the same situation as I am but I’m glad that we can be an encouragement to each other in venting our frustrations as we struggle in this. It is good to know I can have a cry on somebody’s shoulder knowing that they know exactly how I feel.

Berean Girl 35, thanks for the encouragement as well.

I will pray for you all that you (we) will be able to accept Gods will in our lives and that He’ll grant us this desire, although my prayer life isn’t quite what it should be at the moment.

Stuart

67. Nate said the following at 1:58 PM on Jul 27:

Re: Heather (#43) - That's what was different about the last girlfriend. I CHOSE to love her, even after all teh heartache I went through for months after the break-up. We were friends for four years before dating. Everything felt right, felt natural. Am I selfish to want that again? Maybe I am. Life isn't a storybook.

68. Heather said the following at 3:38 PM on Jul 27:

Nate #67, I don't think you're selfish for wanting to love again. I hope you find someone who will choose to love you back. It might take a while though - it did for me.
I was the one who threw away the man who loved me. I learned my lesson, God changed my heart, and years later I apologized to that man. All that to say that I understand the frustration and feeling of rejection of some men on this board. Anyway, God gave me another chance. I hope that you find the right woman soon. Keep looking, find a good wife, be happy.

69. Andrea-Elena said the following at 11:16 PM on Jul 27:

BDB:

You've mentioned calling before. Lots! (Which is good!) But I don't recall if you had linked it with praying for a future spouse -- to recognize who has a calling that fits well with (or is identical to) one's own. Maybe you have mentioned it. Anyway, the suggestion hit me just right... so... timing is key! =)

I imagine you're praying this way. Any progress?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Angie Marie:

You're so sweet! Thanks for the reply and the encouragement.

And your prayers make sense too. Plus, if God wants to tweak them or redirect them, He surely can. =)

May your college experience be productive and fruitful. God's hand be upon your every endeavor... and His blessings on your friendships! \o/

70. Nate said the following at 3:05 PM on Jul 28:

Re: Heather (#68) - Are you with that guy you mentioned? Could you explain the story a little bit more? I would like to hear it.

71. Heather said the following at 7:28 PM on Jul 28:

Nate, I didn't end up with the guy I mentioned. I was immature and prideful and I walked away from a good man who loved me (and I loved him) He had even spoken to my father about me. I hurt him so much. A few years later I did apologize and he accepted. God forgave me too.
I'm married to someone else now. I don't deserve my husband, but I'm very thankful for him.

72. Kevin P. Smith said the following at 10:30 PM on Jul 28:

Stuart, Thank you so much for your prayers-As I have gone thru the past few days you come to my mind & I pray for you even tho I don't know you or anything, I pray for you & your hurt because I know first hand what you are feeling & going thru & isn't fun. It hurts !!! I wish somehow we could actually exchange emails so we could help each other more but...I thank you for your thoughts & sharing your deepest hurts & desires-I share them with you. Thank you !

73. Nate said the following at 2:10 PM on Jul 30:

Re: Hetaher (#71) - You say you loved him. That might be the difference. It seems my last girlfriend didn't love me, but I loved her. For the first time in my life, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I loved a woman truly. But she then she broke up with me for unclear reasons that sounded more like conclusions.

74. Kelly Jo said the following at 10:54 AM on Nov 26:

HI, there is so much here!
I wanted to comment to Stuart and the other gentleman, age 49 who never married yet.
I appreciate your honesty and candidness. Now that is something God can work with! I feel a bit of defensiveness FOR the two of you, when I read a few of the other comments as if their is no hope for you two and sensing some of the words were lacking in compassion towards a lifetime of hope deferred(so far).

A mate is one of the most important issues in almost any life, aside from salvation and career. But many would gladly give up their career for a mate or the right mate. It's been told in true stories thoughout the ages.

I am 42, a woman and I just love our Lord so very much. And I have never been married. Since age 12, I have desired a husband and used to pray to God and I heard God tell me about what it was to be a wife. I actually heard God talk to me about this.
Everywhere I go, people seem to not believe I am not married. HOW CAN YOU NOT BE MARRIED? they say. Supposedly, I am marriage material by far I am told.
Where many have been married many times and are divorced, I have not experienced the union with a husband.
When people talk about their past, I am so out of the loop and people assume I was married and am not divorced sometimes. This is so strange to me as I don't have a clue as to what they are talking about experientially. I offer my compassion that their marriage broke up.
I too, have cried tears upon tears and have many people around the world praying for me for a mate. I was an actress, professionally trained, well educated, busy for the Lord and surrendered deep wounds to Him to allow Him to heal me, just so I could have my family one day. I did this for my husband and my children. And have not met them..yet.
As a woman, I can say that it bothers me when some at church take this marriage thing so lightly. A woman I never met before came up to me two nights ago at a prayer gathering and said she detecting a match between the man I was sitting next to and me. She said this very louldy and suggested I go out with him because was a nice guy. And he was! But that didn't mean I was attracted to him, nor him to me! and i wasn't attracted to him aside from 'he's a nice person'.
Sometimes I get very excited thinkign about how God has for me. Yes, after all this time, I believe. I do find it difficult to navigate as an adult with church goers that are clueless.
IN three days, i was referred to in the manner of marriage...and the hardest part is no one seems to be inquiring about what I WANT in a mate. Except...God. He wants to hear all the details of who this heart He made(me) wants in a mate.
Strong, insightful, compassionate, passionate, patient, fun, active, very loving and a man capable of deeply loving his wife. God and I have this relationship over the years about this issue. I am grateful for God's hand on my life in this area.
Since the three of us are well in years, it is easy to assume you both have been down the road of finally respecting yourselves and not listening to the nonesense some people dole out without thinking.
You are wise, and weathered from the wait. You have tried, shifted, changed, changed back, wondered what you did wrong, repented(from what you were no sure, but just in case:) etc, etc.
I pray you will receive from God the revelation that, not everyone, just because they are married, has the heart of the Father. And some, too, sady are miserable.
I would that our brother's and sister's would embrace his heart more than anything, when speaking to singles and marrieds.
And I sure do celebrate all my friends, Christian and non, who have cared and respected me enough to recognize the need in my life for a husband and asked about it, tactfully, moving into relationship with me about it and invited me to talk about my hopes and desires like a school girl. Those are some of the most precious memories I have ever experienced.
I have been praying for my husband since I was 12-though I wasn't fully ready to marry until about age 35,due to travel, acting, ministry and healing, the longing and motivation was because of my desire to marry.
I lift the two of you up to the throne room, and any other's who have felt their prayers abandoned.
He loves us and wants to fulfill our hearts...besides, it is no good for man(wo-man) to be alone.

I look forward to your testimony of His grace when you marry. I am believing for you where your hope has diminished. Please pray for me, too:)
Tenderly,KJ

75. Kay said the following at 1:35 AM on Dec 14:

Thanks for this!

I am learning how to see the fruit & character of a person before dating them.

I am also very encouraged because God is no respector of persons, if He did it for you, He will and is doing it for me.

Thank you for this!

76. Sara the Single Mom of 1 said the following at 4:11 PM on Apr 5:

I encourage you to read Ruth Bell Graham's (Billy Graham's wife) poem she wrote at the age of 13 in which she prayed for a husband. It is very encouraging to see that prayers for spouses is not a waste of time even if god doesn't answer right away. I think the most powerful part of her poem is she not only believed God would bring her a husband but she confessed this truth by saying "as he will come". We need to not waver in our prayer requests but believe God will answer them. :) By the way, I have been single for 6 years since my marriage had ended and still believe God is going to bring me a husband to have a family with.

http://www.rayfowler.org/2007/06/15/ruth-bell-graham-poems/#comment-990

77. DepressedandWaiting said the following at 8:42 AM on Nov 29:

I am an about to turn 50 female who has never been married and has never had a boyfriend. I am pretty, slender,educated, and very, very active in church groups, volunteer groups, and singles activities, and hobby classes. I can't seem to get asked out on dates. :( Don't know why. I am a nice, easy-going person, a bit shy and nervous but nice. I have been praying for a husband or simply a boyfriend for the past 30 years! Please God bring me a good boyfriend in my lifetime!!

Contributors

About Us

Relevant Boundless Articles

SUBSCRIBE VIA EMAIL

Newer Post | Older Post