Dear Overweight Woman | Boundless Line

Dear Overweight Woman
by Candice Watters on 06/09/2010 at 11:45 AM

And you are dear. I've been overweight and I've been the ideal weight, and I know the frustration and discouragement and agony that attends the former. But do not despair. There is hope. The overweight believer has just as much reason to hope for marriage as does the physically ideal one. Why? Because God is able. And marriage is a gift from him; not a reward for those who manage to fit the current ideal of beauty.

Your worth and value come not from a number on the scale, or even from your ability to cut calories and get yourself to a gym to shed unwanted pounds -- and believe me when I say I understand how unwanted they are! Regardless of your girth, you are precious. You are valued. You are worthy, because you are the crown of creation. You are made in God's image. And yet you are utterly unworthy. Apart from Christ we are all unworthy. And we all stumble in many ways. Your sin is painfully visible. But it is not insurmountable.

You have the same access to the Risen Lord; to the One who said, "Your sins are forgiven, now go and sin no more."

It won't be easy. But the desire to please God -- to honor Him with your body -- is a powerful motivator. And He will send the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, to help you. It is possible to overcome obesity. But the goal should never be to turn a head or even snag a mate. The ultimate goal and the one that has the power to change you, is God's glory.

I love what David Platt writes in his book, Radical, in his chapter about the disciples. What a rag-tag group they were with little to recommend them as the right men to spread the gospel through all the earth. Yet, he writes, "This is the design of God among his people. He is giving unlikely people his power so it is clear who deserves the glory for the success that takes place." (p. 53)

Is it harder to attract a man when you're morbidly obese? Yes. Is it impossible? No. Is it just too difficult to imagine that you could lose weight and get fit? With God all things are possible. And the more difficult your situation, the more glory God stands to receive when you are victorious through Him. (Two Christian women: Mandisa and Chantel Hobbs come to mind as good role models for the journey.)

Ask God to be glorified in your story. Even as you long and pray for a husband. Ask Him to help you lose weight, to guide you to people and plans that can help you develop a healthy lifestyle. And ask Him to write the story of your life in such a way that when you tell it, you will be able to make much of Him! I am praying for you.

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1. Tami said the following at 12:13 PM on Jun 9:

Lovely post, Candice.

2. Keb said the following at 12:14 PM on Jun 9:

It's not easy to find reasons to hope. After all, though I feel completely and entirely helpless when it comes to my dreams of having a family, I know outside of that I am impossibly blessed. Why should God bother to give me anything more than he already has? I don't deserve it. Sure, he's able, but there are so many people who need his help more than I do in their daily lives.

I just don't know what I'm supposed to do...it's not fair of me to ask for more, and yet I feel so impossibly empty and miserable when I picture a life of endless singleness. It's not like I can't be happy alone. It's not like I focus just on wanting a man. But possibly the reason I can be content or give of myself to others is because I have that hope of love and a family in the future to cling to.

Boundless keeps trying to take that hope and burn it at the stake. That's what it feels like sometimes when I come here for encouragement and advice.

And then I read over my posts and go wow, that doesn't even sound like me...because usually, I'm pretty upbeat and pretty happy. This just gets too close to the bruises on my heart.

3. J said the following at 12:18 PM on Jun 9:

A beautifully well-written, much-needed breath of encouragement from this site today. Thank you.

4. MizattA said the following at 12:32 PM on Jun 9:

I am a Man who has struggled with weight issues my whole life. In Middle and High school my family refused to let me after I had eaten a lot because they felt it was unhealthy and there was no way that I was still hungry after 8 bowls of macaroni salad, a couple plates of hamburger helper, a sandwich, some chocolate, a bowl of cereal (per meal time) etc.(even though I was, but more due to my meds than anything) I am 5'11 and at the time was 225 lbs and was 4 pant sizes bigger than I am now. I was fat and overweight and I have pictures to prove it.

However, when I lost 25 lbs from track Senior year people still commented on my weight and yeah I was still overweight for my height and build. 3 years later(about 2007) from Feb til august I dropped almost 2 lbs a week through purely eating less(not starving myself just less than I used to) and changing my diet habits.

I was down to 161 lbs and liked how I looked. Unfortunately no matter what people are ignorant and will make stupid hurtful comments about weight. I had a guy tell me to eat a sandwich(even though I pretty sure eating one sandwich never helped anyone gain any weight)and my step-dad telling me to gain ten lbs at least consistently. Not only that but family who previously told me I ate too much and was overweight that now I was too skinny and needed to eat more(when in fact I was perfectly Healthy weight and look wise for my age, build and Height).

I now spent the last year and a half working out at the gym as well and am up to 175/176 lbs, with 15 of that easily muscle. Working out makes me feel confident in myself, and gives me joy in life. I love the way I look and I know I look darn good. Yet a couple weeks ago at a dinner to celebrate that I was graduating with my second college degree my step moms Mother(My step grandmother) spat out, "he's kinda skinny isn't he" and my dad, step mom, and a few others followed suit with comments about how I might be still too skinny(even though I got lots of muscle, my stomach is flat and I am healthy for my age and body type.) the only problem is my cheeks dont puff out huge and my belly doesn't hang over my waist so people now feel free to comment from the opposite perspective.

Fun Fact Comments against weight dont ever go away no matter what. So Work out because it gives you joy, hope and confidence and can help you love yourself more and enjoy life more, not to please other people.

5. Kim Lee said the following at 12:32 PM on Jun 9:

Candace, you wrote a book called "Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen". What do you suggest obese marriage-minded women do to "help it happen"?

6. Ted Slater said the following at 12:42 PM on Jun 9:

Thank you, Candice, for reiterating the value of all people, regardless of weight. You wrote:

Your worth and value come not from a number on the scale, or even from your ability to cut calories and get yourself to a gym to shed unwanted pounds.... Regardless of your girth, you are precious.

I emphatically affirm that. Just wanted to be clear, in case some folks have gathered otherwise ...

7. Olivia said the following at 12:49 PM on Jun 9:

Wow, Candice!! Those are redemptive and edifying words!!! Well done as someone who has been there and done that, however difficult it was. It is honest, yet still points to the hope that is in God. Without Him, we can do nothing. I was especially blessed how you interwove the desires we women have with aligning ourselves with God, how He thinks about us and how He is the author and finisher of our faith. This was a much needed balm to a woman's soul.

8. Scott (DG) said the following at 1:06 PM on Jun 9:

I must say this this post really put a light in my spirits. After reading the article about weight (I, too, struggle with my weight- I've managed to lose a decent amount but I'm still a bit overweight), and the article about chemistry (as someone who definitely could be described as the second guy, minus the premed), I was really down.

I'm definitely going through the "My friends are getting married but I'm never really been even close" phase in my life, and I'm really fighting with becoming get very cynical/bitter about dating. I don't want to be (because all it does it hurt myself!), but I can see where some people are really hurting. ><

I was starting to feel like I had to do X, Y, Z so that I could become a "cool guy" like my friends are and women would finally say yes instead of giving me the run-around. Not that I don't have areas of growth, of course, or that being a cool guy is bad, but I was really starting to wonder if God was even involved in the process!

Thanks for reminding me that in tough circumstances and things that seem impossible at times that God is in control, and reminding me to remember the times where other things felt "impossible" but God came through. Oh me of little faith... =p

(I'm assuming that that there is a complimentary post in Suzanne's vein for guys. =p)

9. Rose said the following at 1:09 PM on Jun 9:

Wait, so now fat--the actual substance itself--is sin? This would be what you seem to say when you write "Your sin is painfully visible." Because when I look at an obese person, I can only see that they have fat on their body. I can't see why it's there--whether it be from thyroid issues, self-esteem issues, food issues, lifestyle issues, or what have you.

Tell me where, then, in the Bible it is written that fat itself is sinful. And please, let's limit ourselves to the New Testament, because if we get into Leviticus and Deuteronomy, we'll be debating about shellfish and blended fibers all day--generally Christians accept that the New Testament represents a new covenant to supplant the old, and so we'll stick to that.

And please don't tell me that the "sin" is gluttony or sloth. You can't know that just by looking at a person. If you assume that, then the sin is yours, because you have judged your brother or sister, and judgment is not our place--that's God's alone, with Christ as our advocate.

As best I know, the only sin is to love something more than God. I have never met an obese person who loves his fat more than he loves God. Most obese people hate their fat and would shed it--if only it was as easy as cutting one's hair, like they've been told it is. I have, however, met plenty of people who love their skinniness more than they love God--or, perhaps, their potential to be skinny. People who obsessively go to the gym, people who abuse their bodies by starving themselves, people who tell other people they aren't skinny enough, people who spend more on diets and cosmetic treatments than they do on practical things or on tithes, etc etc. This is not to say that a skinny person has sin that "is painfully visible." I can't tell why a person isn't fat by looking at them. They may simply be healthy. But they may also be deeply troubled--addicted to their dieting, addicted to their body image, chasing beauty instead of God. Since I can't tell until I know them well enough to get their confidence, I won't judge them for being skinny. And once I know them well enough to hear their secrets, I won't judge them because I love them and want to help. Pleasant how that works.

So please, you're only perpetuating the self-esteem issues obese people already have to deal with. For every person who tells people that they really can shed pounds because "I did", there's ten more people crying because they tried that already and it didn't work and they can't afford the healthcare to find out why.

As a disclaimer, no, I'm not obese, never have been. But these things crush my heart because I have known too many people who struggle with body image issues--on both sides. I speak out of love for these people, who have been and are deeply close to me. And is that not the greatest commandment--love?

10. Anony Girl said the following at 1:31 PM on Jun 9:

Ladies, if I can lose weight, anybody can! I've lost about 80 lbs with weight watchers, exercise, and metformin. I'm still about 220 and want to get down to 170/180. It is possible!!

11. Leeandra said the following at 1:47 PM on Jun 9:

Great post, Candace.

The only quibble I would have is the line "your sin is painfully visible."

Obesity, in and of itself, is a medical condition meaning that a person weighs 30% or more over their ideal body weight. Obesity itself is not a sin. It may be the result of sin, or it may not. You simply cannot tell from looking at an obese person whether they are guilty of gluttony or not. You do not know if they have a thyroid condition or what medications they are on.

I'll grant you that for most obese people that there is probably not a huge underlying medical reason, but there is a definite undercurrent in our society to equate obesity with laziness, dirtiness, etc. and that's simply not always the case.

Only the person in question and perhaps their doctor can make the call as to what's causing their obesity, and it's really none of the rest of our business.

I think it's best to, when reflecting on others' perceived sins, to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Nor, of course, is gluttony or laziness a sin that only manifests in the obese.

12. David said the following at 1:50 PM on Jun 9:

Wanting marriage is not the only reason to try to lose weight. There are so many health advantages of normal body weight. Losing weight will give you energy and you will gain self-discipline.

How about skipping lunch and dinner and just eating breakfast to get you through the day? Throwing away all the food in your house and just buying fruit and vegetables and other perishables?

Losing weight is easy if you can cut the calories in your daily meals and to just refuse to eat if you are hungry through the day.

If you are hungry and you are fat, there is no nutritional need that you need to satisfy by eating. You have plenty of fat to provide the energy not provided through your dietary intake.

13. Alyssa said the following at 1:54 PM on Jun 9:

Candice,

Thank you for these words, "I've been overweight and I've been the ideal weight, and I know the frustration and discouragement and agony that attends the former."

It's always good to know where someone is coming from before hearing what they have to say on a certain issue. So, thank you!

Bless you for these words, "But do not despair. There is hope. The overweight believer has just as much reason to hope for marriage as does the physically ideal one. Why? Because God is able. And marriage is a gift from him; not a reward for those who manage to fit the current ideal of beauty."

I wholeheartedly agree!

Thank you! Thank You! Thank You! :)

14. Kellie said the following at 1:56 PM on Jun 9:

I am not overweight, but I am very far from the physical ideal in other areas. And I have had others make judgements based on my appearance many times. Thankfully, the Lord has given me a wonderful family and husband who are able to see past the physical.

15. Sergio said the following at 1:57 PM on Jun 9:

Heavier girls are a lot of men's preference anyway, it's all a matter of how picky the heavier girl is. I'm one of those guys ;)

16. Nikki said the following at 2:04 PM on Jun 9:

Breath.Of.Fresh.Air.

Ahhhh.

17. Janelle said the following at 2:33 PM on Jun 9:

I see woman of all shapes and sizes dating, even married. The reason is that these women carry themselves with confidence. You can be confident and still be in middle of working on your weight. I know skinny beautiful women that can't get dates. I've learned at the end of the day God is in control!!

18. Emily Johnson said the following at 2:55 PM on Jun 9:

Beautifully written Candice. Your response is a breath of fresh air-- full of grace, mercy, gentleness, self-control, and kindness. Well done.

19. Tami said the following at 3:19 PM on Jun 9:

I would not recommend skipping meals (unless directed by a doctor). For some people -- including myself -- that would result in medical issues.

And it might seriously shock a system of someone who's used to eating heartily.

20. Grace said the following at 3:26 PM on Jun 9:

I would like to add that you are not only precious, you are attractive. To many other women and men.

Those with a more narrow view of beauty are quick to pull out the "health" card, but the real underlying message always tends to be "you don't LOOK right". (Here we read: "you are precious, although you don't look right, and God can help you change that")

Candice asks "Is it harder to attract a man when you're morbidly obese?" and answers the question "Yes." I would qualify that by saying "yes, in some social circles, cultures, countries, societies, even in some cities more than others". One of my housemates in College was, and still is obese, and has been happily married for years now, while I still wait (*sigh* lol).

You are beautiful. Never forget that and surround yourself with people who will affirm that in you, whatever size you may be, and who will support you in any health goals you prayerfully choose to pursue, without imposing their own ideals.

21. Grace said the following at 3:39 PM on Jun 9:

I would like to add that you are not only precious, you are attractive - to many men and women, as others have already pointed out.

Those with a narrow view of beauty are quick to pull out the "health" card, but the underlying message is most often "you don't LOOK right". Here we read: "you are dear, but you don't look right, and God can help you change that".

Candice asks "Is it harder to attract a man when you're morbidly obese?" and emphatically answers "Yes." I would qualify that by saying "yes, in certain social circles, societies, cultures, countries, even in some cities more than others". One of my housemates in College was, and still is, obese, and she has been married for years while still, I wait (alas!)

You are beautiful. Never forget that and surround yourself with people who will affirm that in you, no matter what size you may be, and who will support you in any health goals that you prayerfully decide to pursue, without imposing their own ideals.

22. Catherine said the following at 3:42 PM on Jun 9:

Thanks Candice :) that's more of the spirit I was hoping for. You should write another book for women struggling with this issue too! :)

For all of those women out there that have to face the scale in the morning- I will pray for you to know the peace and love of God that passes all understanding. I hope that you feel his love every morning when you get up and know his acceptance when you go to sleep even if the day didn't go exactly to plan. He knows that we are flawed and imperfect and he desires to strengthen us in our weakness. He reached out to me with his love in my darkest place and blessed me. He only expects us to rely on him and turn our hearts to him sincerely.

Its been 15 years now that he has helped me maintain a healthy weight and no, i'm not perfect. I make bad choices but he gives me strength to not let those choices control my life. He LOVES us and that love can do amazing things :) I hope you will know his joy and hope at any weight and know that you are more precious than you can imagine. Don't let this world tell you you are worthless, that you are hopeless, that you are unloveable and don't deserve a God-honoring marriage. There is HOPE. Have FAITH in his power to save you from the things of this world that control you- including those who say that your weight is the most important thing about you and must be fixed. You are always beautiful when you reflect his love and peace.

23. Fritz said the following at 3:46 PM on Jun 9:

"Your sin is painfully visible."

I'm stunned by this. So carefully tucked in to all the warm fuzziness it makes it easy for women to swallow this poison while taking the sweet.

24. Grace said the following at 3:47 PM on Jun 9:

David (#12), alot of what you suggest is not healtly or recommendable at all, for example:

- skipping lunch and dinner and just eating breakfast to get you through the day
- Throwing away all the food in your house and just buying fruit and vegetables and other perishables? (OK assuming you have a healthy mix of proteins and good fats in whatever you buy)
- refuse to eat if you are hungry through the day.
- If you are hungry and you are fat, there is no nutritional need that you need to satisfy by eating. You have plenty of fat to provide the energy not provided through your dietary intake. (this is not at all true, you can be overweight and still get very ill from malnutrition)

25. EKB said the following at 4:00 PM on Jun 9:

I think Candice's words here are a wise and constructive approach to dealing with this issue, or really any sin. I think it's best to start with reminding people of their dignity and calling as a Christian, and use that as encouragement for reform, rather than beating them over the head with how disgusting their sin is. The latter can just send people deeper into a cycle of sin and shame, whether that be gluttony, lust, porn, or whatever.

I think that the attraction issues surrounding weight are important, but that shouldn't be someone's primary motivation for losing weight. Being morbidly obese in particular is a very serious health issue, not only shortening life but drastically reducing it's quality. Obesity can be a spiritual issue (gluttony), or it can also be a defense mechanism for abuse victims and people suffering from emotional pain.

On the flip side, I hope that we can avoid extremes in the other direction, like implying that women who are already fit and at a healthy weight try to further slim down to meet unrealistic (quite frankly sick) Hollywood standards. Christians ought to hold realistic views about weight and beauty, and not make an idol out of physical appearance.

And David: I hope you are kidding with that advice. It would be a really bad idea for someone who struggles with his/her weight to cut down to one meal a day. First, eating such a small number of calories will make your body think it's starving and shut your metabolism down, which is the last thing you need. Second, you need to build new and sustainable habits to maintain weight loss and improved fitness. Starvation diets are not sustainable, and people who do them are likely to gain everything back and more. Anybody who wants to take on significant weight loss should talk with their doctor and/or a personal trainer. Further, if your problems are related to gluttony, it would be wise to seek out accountability in that area.

26. Jacob M. said the following at 4:10 PM on Jun 9:

Holy cow, people. And I mean that literally. There are still way too many excuses being made for fat people around here. "You never know if someone has a thyroid condition?" First of all, we're not plants. We don't perform photosynthesis. Every single molecule that makes up your body is there because you put it in your mouth. It is physiologically impossible to gain weight, or fail to lose it, despite eating fewer calories than you burn. It's that simple. Secondly, if you're hypothyroid, you take thyroid hormone, which is cheap and solves the problem. The number of people with other, more rare medical conditions that make it very hard to stay thin are so few as to be virtually nonexistent. If you see a fat person walking down the street, yes, you pretty much CAN assume that they're fat because they eat too much.

27. Brian in San Dimas said the following at 4:22 PM on Jun 9:

Real quick here....David #12....Not the best advice there. I see where you were going, but people can actually do more harm than good. Never skip meals on a daily basis, only decrease your portion size. Your body needs calories to burn. You burn them just breathing. The logic of the fat on the body for an energy source, not exactly true either. You see fat is stored energy(for emergency) not a quick sorce of energy,only a last resort. The body will actually canabalize your muscle first. So it might look like your losing weight but infact are losing muscle.

Leeandra

On another note, the fact that we as a society classify everything as medical conditions, is part of the problem. When people except that everything is a medical condition, then they stop taking personal responsibilty for their part in said conditions. This in fact is one of the largest contributers to all these problems no one owns their part. The thyroid, is probably the least of the possibilities. Most often it is laziness and the so sad american diet. Just a thought.

28. Craig M. said the following at 4:25 PM on Jun 9:

Grace writes:

"I would like to add that you are not only precious, you are attractive. To many other women and men.

You are beautiful. Never forget that and surround yourself with people who will affirm that in you, whatever size you may be, and who will support you...without imposing their own ideals."

Yes, my sensitive little (little?) flower ... you're just perfect exactly the way you are. If those mean, bad, heartless men aren't attracted to your morbidly obese shape, they're just imposing their own ideals and their narrow view of beauty. They're probably committing sin by not being attracted to you! Definitely don't change or try to be better than you are, because that would imply that you're less than beautiful now--and that would hurt your feelings!!! Your feelings are the most important thing EVER!!!! I'll bet your feelings are still smarting a little from that mean ol' Ted's directness yesterday -- you know what might make you feel better? How about some double-stuff oreos!! Or a little pint of Ben and Jerry's? Ben and Jerry don't judge you, you perfect, beautiful, rubenesque incarnation of womanhood.... Ben and Jerry like you just the way you are. Yummmm ... see, doesn't that feel good? And your handsome prince (it's ok to want HIM to be handsome!), who cares not at all about your fat because, after all, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL! (your affirming friends said so!), is surely on his way ...

29. Leeandra said the following at 4:45 PM on Jun 9:

@Brian--I did in fact say that thyroid problems and other underlying medical conditions were NOT the case for the majority of obese people in America.

But I also stated that just by looking at an obese person, you would have no way of knowing what caused them to gain so much weight. And unless you're their doctor or something, it's really none of your business.

Yes, gluttony is a sin and the body is a temple of the Holy Ghost...but keep in mind that it is only a temporary thing whereas the soul is eternal. On the scale of sins, I'd put the damage done to the body by overeating as pretty minor compared to the damage done to the soul by rushing to speculate on the shortcomings of others and condemning them for their sins.

Or, to put it another way: who would you rather have as your friend, your pastor, your spouse--a good-hearted humble person who nevertheless struggled with overeating, or a physically healthy person who spent their days looking for the shortcomings in others and thanked God that at least they weren't like them?

30. H said the following at 4:57 PM on Jun 9:

Wow, Craig M. (#28)
And bitingly sarcastic wit and mean spirited critcism is wildly attractive to all??! Come on, direct is one thing, but you can't possibly have meant that comment in a helpful way.

31. Kristina M. said the following at 4:58 PM on Jun 9:

Brian in San Dimas(#27): I completely agree with you. When we start classifying everything as a medical condition it takes away all personal accountability. I struggled with depression for a LONG time and used the excuse that it was a medical condition. When I finally realized that my depression was self-centeredness and anger at God for not doing things "my way," I realized that my depression was not a condition but sin, plain and simple. I struggle with my weight, but I know that any good thing takes work. I have to put in the work to lose the weight. That's my fault... not some condition I have.

32. Al said the following at 5:04 PM on Jun 9:

Craig M. wrote,

Yes, my sensitive little (little?) flower....you're just perfect exactly the way you are. If those mean, bad, heartless men aren't attracted to your morbidly obese shape, they're just imposing their own ideals and their narrow view of beauty...
I'll bet your feelings are still smarting a little from that mean ol' Ted's directness yesterday--you know what might make you feel better? How about some double-stuff oreos!! Or a little pint of Ben and Jerry's? Ben and Jerry don't judge you, you perfect, beautiful, rubenesque incarnation of womanhood....

You know what's *not* attractive? Ungracious mocking.

Um. Why is this stuff being let through the filter? I understand when the editors filter out some folks who have views they deem harmful-- though I would rather them address those posts publicly, but how is this in any way, shape, or form redemptive or edifying? Or even the type of discourse Boundless would be proud of on their pages?

Also I've noticed yesterday's post is gone. I don't blame Boundless for pulling it, though it may be helpful to transparently address why Boundless doesn't deem it to be appropriate. Ted also makes some good and realistic points that could have been much better phrased. This post, though helpful, almost seems to go in an entire opposite direction in grit and tone.

You know, it'd be really interesting to see such encouraging posts directed at the men here, given the discussion a few weeks ago. It'd be even more interesting to see one of the male writers write it. :) Barnabas was a man, after all.

33. Michael DiMarco said the following at 5:04 PM on Jun 9:

What a terrific post filled with equal parts truth and grace.

34. Al said the following at 5:14 PM on Jun 9:

Kristina wrote,

I realized that my depression was not a condition but sin, plain and simple.

Actually, I think mental issues can be both a sin and a condition. What usually starts out as sin can sometimes spiral into clinical, chemical, and physical processes that imprison people. It's not any less sinful, but there is definitely a physical, medical element to it that might or might not be fixed by assertions to stop sinning. This might also apply to obesity and certain addictions. But real recovery and healing will require dealing with those sinful roots.

It just occurs to me now that Jesus referred to sin both as sin-- and also as a sickness that He came to heal.

35. Bethany said the following at 5:18 PM on Jun 9:

Wow- I'm shocked by some of the comments from the men on this post. These are obviously men who have never dealt with weight issues themselves or with loved ones. What happened to the mercy and grace we're called to show our brothers and sisters fella's? (#26 & 28)

I'm a nurse and agree that yes there are medical conditions that cause obesity and medications that make people gain weight, they are not as rare as you think, but not as prevelant as the medical community would have us to believe. But they are real and you can't tell just by looking at someone.

That said, your harsh words and generalizations don't take into consideration the fact that while your judging (uhhh.. sin) those who overweight for being lazy and eating to much, there are far deeper issue's going on, such as histories of abuse, assualt, abandonment...etc where being overweight is a symptom of a larger issue. Your degrading words do not point these people to the One who can heal them and make them whole but rather induce the continued cycle of rejection and self hatred when what they need is someone to acknowledge the struggle and ENCOURAGE them toward a healthier life.

Don't date them if you don't find them attractive, shoot, don't even be their friends if you have such big issues with it. But unless you're willing to love them in their weakness and help them find Jesus in their struggle, keep your (mean) comments to yourself.

36. Trevor Dolby said the following at 5:20 PM on Jun 9:

Grace (20): If we filter out the sarcasm in Craig M.'s response :) I think he does have a valid point. The vast majority of men would rather have a girl who was not morbidly obese, and virtually all women know that at some level. Simply telling them that they're beautiful without encouraging them to change doesn't help them be a blessing to their (future or present) husbands, unless you really do live in a culture where obese women are more valued than slimmer ones, because they _know_ that most future husbands would rather they weren't obese.

One of the big difficulties with this issue is that men generally do (if we're honest) want a wife who is slim and pretty with lovely hair and innocence of mind and body, and yet there is often an insistence that men aren't allowed to feel that way. This does nobody any favours, as trying to force men to ignore their actual feelings is a recipe for frustrated men and women who can't understand what's wrong in their marriages.

In addition, a positive side of these natural feelings is that they push us towards the things that really matter: if we have to choose between “slim and pretty with lovely hair” and “innocence of mind and body”, then we know in our hearts that we'd do better with the second category. It's really another way of stating the Proverbs 31 thing about beauty.

37. Ali Rach said the following at 5:44 PM on Jun 9:

Why is this post addressed to only overweight women? Though I'm not overweight and have never been overweight, I still struggle with self-esteem issues like so many other women. It would be nice to hear that I'm special just the way I am instead of all the attention being focused on those who are overweight or super thin. Seems like us "normal" girls get tossed by the wayside far too often...

38. Irish Dude said the following at 5:54 PM on Jun 9:

30. H said Also speaking of Ted's directness, what happened to the post from yesterday?

It appears to have gone poof and is not listed under Ted's link where you can see all his blog posts.

I guess this must be the more PC and nicer version of what he was trying to get across. A shame, I applauded his bluntness and honesty.

39. Brian in San Dimas said the following at 6:16 PM on Jun 9:

Leeandra

You are jumping to conclusions a bit. I never said I was judging them and condemning them for anything. I don't discriminate for any weight, skinny or fat. I am a free eater as well. I am aware of caloric intake and the negative impact of all the different ingredients out there. I just choose to own my part. I live a very active lifestyle and my work is very fast paced as well. When it comes to food I enjoy all different foods and don't hold back when a huge fat drenched burger and fries is placed in front of me. But again I balance it with exercise and physical activity. The problem is the personal responsibility. Where I live, you can travel down a 10 mile stretch of freeway and I kid you not, will see 20plus billboards of the lap-band. Why is that???? Because the people marketing those procedures know that we as humans want the easy way out. Very few people actually need a lap-band for a medical reason. Most get it because they will get an easy fix. They don't want to watch what they eat, and exercise.THAT WOULD BE TOO HARD.... They would rather eat whatever they want and never exercise. Then hide behind the medical condition excuse. That's what I am talking about. It in no way is meant to judge them. If they are happy in their own skin, then I am happy for them. Lets do life together, no worries.

Kristen M
So glad to hear that you have moved past the depression. I don't really want to associate with this guy, but Tom Cruise, did make some good points about the overmedicated populus of our society. Most "so called medical conditions" can be regulated with the proper diet and exercise. This is true, maybe not to all, but has some weight in those statements. By the way check out the song "Mess of Me" by Switchfoot. To quote the song it says, "there ain't no drug, to make me well...the sickness is myself." That is the issue, we in our fallen states are the cause to most of our problems and there aint no drug that will fix our eternal sickness. ONLY CHRIST....Be Blessed

40. Kellie said the following at 6:24 PM on Jun 9:

Not sure if my previous comment got edited or not all of it went through, but my point is that a Christian community should be more about encouraging others, especielly those who may be hurting.

41. MrsLarijani said the following at 7:53 PM on Jun 9:

First off, to state the obvious, Ted's post from yesterday is removed.

Also, this post is not getting nearly as many comments. It kind of makes me think that a lot of readers are kind of put off.

There is nothing wrong with taking off the proverbial gloves.

This post seems watered down in a lot of ways.

Your worth and value come not from a number on the scale, or even from your ability to cut calories and get yourself to a gym to shed unwanted pounds -- and believe me when I say I understand how unwanted they are!

Are the pounds really unwanted? That's the crux of the issue. That was what was being debated. Some women in the "morbidly obese" category delude themselves into thinking that they are just fine the way that they are.

They tell themselves that it's not their problem that they're single. It's those "shallow guys".

Man, how I'm lamenting over Ted's post being removed.

Regardless of your girth, you are precious. You are valued. You are worthy, because you are the crown of creation.

You're gettin' all Stasi and John Elderidge on us, Candace! Way to elevate the female gender higher than it ought to be!

You are made in God's image. And yet you are utterly unworthy. Apart from Christ we are all unworthy. And we all stumble in many ways. Your sin is painfully visible. But it is not insurmountable.

Ok, I see where you're going here, but it's not working. You just got done telling us that the female is the crown of creation, but you forgot to mention the fall of mankind.

Eve was deceived. She thought herself more highly than she ought.

She thought she was . . . .

the crown of creation.

Before getting married to Amir, I didn't really understand what he meant about how Boundless rails on men unfairly.

I'm seeing it now, though.

It's seems like an unjustified move to remove Ted's post only to replace it with something that mentions the female gender as the crown of creation.

42. Aliq said the following at 8:04 PM on Jun 9:

I am fat. Am I lazy? Am I dirty? do I sit around all day and eat cookies? No. No. No. I am passionately involved in my church and in missions. I intern at a hospitality agency while working and pursuing my bachelors degree, already accepted to seminary. I walk everywhere. I’m green. I grow veggies and munch on them. I walk my friends dogs everywhere. I read my Bible every day. I am the children’s ministry teacher in my church. I know how to cook. I don’t drink soda. But Im still fat. Have I had a boyfriend? Yeah I have. Plenty. But they weren’t Christian. Christian men hate fat people. So Im single for now.

Im glad Jesus loves me. And Im glad that when I go to Africa for missions they think I am beautiful. (Fat people are beautiful in africa.)

43. jazmine said the following at 8:14 PM on Jun 9:

I too suffer from depression, Kristina. A lot of things have run in my family including alcoholism, substance abuse, and schizophrenia. I have bipolar disorder and through the help of therapy, small amounts of medication when necessary, Jesus and the church, I have more stability in my emotions. It hurts me when people just jump to say that it is a sin, plain and simple. When my body is sick, I go to the doctor and he/she gives me medicine and advice on how to not get sick anymore. When my mind is sick, I go to a psychiatrist and he/she helps me to get better and avoid downfalls. I don't struggle with losing weight. On the contrary, I take drinks like Ensure along with a meal because I don't always eat enough and I need to gain weight.
I believe that over weight women are not very attractive to other men, and unhappy women are not either. It is something that I work with on a regular basis not for the sake of some guy loving me but because I can reach very unhealthy points in my life otherwise.
I don't deny that I have sin because I most definitely do. I love Jesus with all of my heart and it can be really difficult to understand why I feel so sad sometimes even when Jesus can make my life so cheerful. My medication really does help me to not get to those points where I want to take my life. I think it's possible to believe in both medicine and Jesus.

44. Emily Johnson said the following at 8:21 PM on Jun 9:

I *do* wonder if weight and obesity will ever be topics that can be discussed rationally on this site. Would we tell a person addicted to drugs or alcohol that "God loves you just the way you are"? I don't think so. Food addiction is no different and while it may be legal, that doesn't make it healthy or freeing to God's children in any way.

I also have to say that I am still smarting from the fact that my *entire* comment was not posted earlier today (#18) although Craig's (#28) disrespectful, rude, and bitingly sarcastic comment was printed in its entirety. I guess what is good for the goose isn't good for the gander?

45. jayme said the following at 8:32 PM on Jun 9:

Maybe Craig M was a little harsh, but he had to be. To balance out the women who took Candace's post as an endorsement to be overweight. Hard words produce soft hearts. (If you let them and if they're true.)

Come on ladies!!

Just because God loves me the way I am doesn't mean I should stay the way I am.

If yesterday's article hit a little close to home, ask yourself why. If you were personally offended, there's a reason.

Yes, having fat on you isn't a sin. We know that. Women are supposed to have fat on them. It's what makes us women. What isn't good or healthy is 50+ extra pounds of fat on us. There's a difference between someone being naturally curvy and someone being obese.

Yes, it's possible to be grossly overweight and not have sinned. I just think it's sooo incredibly rare that it shouldn't really enter much into the discussion.

I say this as a woman who has been there, done that. Who has severe PCOS that Metformin/Glucophage should've helped but didn't. I was always eating more than my body earned. Simple math. Maybe there's 1/2 of 1 percent of women who's bodies only need like 500 calories a day who really can't help but be overweight...but that's not the 99.5% of women that we're talking about.

Yes, excess fat is visible. That's what Candace was expressing sympathy for. People can see the fat. Unlike they can see a gambling problem. Or a porn addiction. Or a alcohol problem. Or other problems. It makes it that much harder to deal with. The consequences of it are more public. It's simliar to if porn addicts automatically had a "XXX" appear on their forehead. Yes, there might be some people who have "XXX" on their forehead who aren't really porn addicts but 99.5% of them would be.

Ted's tone may have been insulting...but don't miss his point.

46. joshlynjill said the following at 8:36 PM on Jun 9:

Dear Craig,

Bitter, much?

Did obese little girls give you swirlies before you hit puberty in middle school? Is some outside force demanding that you find overweight women attractive and that you must chose to marry one? Do heavy gals stalk you, pining for your attention and longing for your endearing personality? What’s that, no? Oh, you just enjoy degrading others with your clever wit?! Great!

You must have read that verse about speaking the truth in love (Eph. 4:15) and took it to heart…great work, man. Love how you encouraged others with such a Biblical response.

Sincerely,
A concerned, health conscious, fit sister in Christ,

Jill

47. Alpine Rose said the following at 9:02 PM on Jun 9:

I knew something had to be up when I noticed the number of comments Ted's post was garnering last night. :)

In all seriousness, it is sadly ironic to note 1.) the general response to that post from Boundless commentators and 2.) the fact that Boundless felt it prudent to delete the post and restate the weight issue in a different light this morning.

First, I think we would all agree that no Christian should deliberately make light of another's weakness. Second, in the light of eternity, weight, in and of itself, is a tiny, tiny issue. Let's keep things in perspective. :)

However, Ted was not being cruel or unkind yesterday--he was simply stating facts. Sure, he could have worded his blog post a little differently, but are we really so sensitive that we can't handle facts?

Many of yesterday's blog responses described the mental and emotional trauma connected with being overweight. However, thoughts and emotions are *never* a substitute for facts and action. As women, we have a tendency to substitute emotional responses for sober, Godly action. Our emotions are not sacred. Yes, they are part of being created in the image of God. But when truth/facts are sacrificed upon the altar of emotion, there is invariably sin involved--Scripture is quite clear on that point. "You can't have opinions about truth," as the saying goes.

Another point: isn't it just a bit ironic that so many Boundless women loudly decry the fact that men need to "man up," etc., and then express shock and disbelief when the same men honestly describe the way real men think? Let's settle this, girls--either he is going to be an effeminate, sensitive "man," or he will act like a real, Godly man in ways that will sometimes simply baffle even the best hearted woman. That's why our differences complement each other. That's why women were created to be "helpmates"--to add the softer, gentler (but still truthful) side of the equation.

Ultimately, when confronted with a standard we do not meet, we have two options: 1.) attack the standard or 2.) embrace the standard, ask God for help in reaching the standard, and set about actively mitigating our failures.

It's our choice.

48. kay said the following at 9:03 PM on Jun 9:

Regarding a comment by Kristina M (number 31):

"When we start classifying everything as a medical condition it takes away all personal accountability. I struggled with depression for a LONG time and used the excuse that it was a medical condition. When I finally realized that my depression was self-centeredness and anger at God for not doing things "my way," I realized that my depression was not a condition but sin, plain and simple."

I hope you are not suggesting that most people struggling with depression are dealing with a spiritual problem. I am sure that YOUR depression was spiritual in nature. But in reading your comment, it seems as though you are insinuating that depression in general is not (or is frequently not) a medical condition.

In fact, clinical depression is a very real MEDICAL illness, as are other conditions that result in depression, such as PMDD (pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder), just to name 2. So please don't lump all of those who are genuinely dealing with a medical condition into the same category as yourself.

I apologize if you feel this is an over-reaction to a simple personal anecdote, but as anyone who has dealt with MEDICAL depression (either personally or with a loved one) will be able to tell you, the lie that "if you're depressed, it MUST be a spiritual problem (ie. sin in your life)" can add a devestating layer of guilt to an already painful disease. So I just wanted to be clear.

49. bad jack said the following at 9:05 PM on Jun 9:

Anyone who thinks that being in their best shape has no effect on their dating prospects is living in denial.

I've been overweight and I've been buff.

Buff works better, I assure you.

50. Mrs. H said the following at 9:08 PM on Jun 9:

Craig M., that kind of mean-spirited sarcasm is rude, unhelpful and uncalled for.

51. Tamara said the following at 9:11 PM on Jun 9:

Thank you for bringing the discussion back to beautiful, strong, grace-filled truth, Candice. I can't say things better than you did, so I'm just going to say thanks.

And thanks, Ted, for your comment here. I hope some bridges can be mended--I think your heart is to edify and challenge, and I'd hate for the truth you proclaim on Boundless to be ignored because of past words. (And I certainly can't cast the first stone here, having said many things over the years in ways I wish I hadn't.) I would be interested in further explanation of your previous post, since I'm still not sure I understand the heart behind what you said, but I'm sure God will give you wisdom about that.

Thanks again, Candice. The greatest of these is LOVE, and your post was filled with love and truth and evidence of His spirit. Well done.

52. Johnathan said the following at 9:14 PM on Jun 9:

Re: #9 Rose
“…let's limit ourselves to the New Testament…Christians accept that the New Testament represents a new covenant to supplant the old, and so we'll stick to that.”

I’m not sure what you mean by “supplant” but it almost as if you don’t think the OT applies to our lives. I understand we are to interpret it differently, but Jesus never discounted the OT – in fact, he often quoted it. He fulfilled and completed what the OT said.

“As best I know, the only sin is to love something more than God. I have never met an obese person who loves his fat more than he loves God... I have, however, met plenty of people who love their skinniness more than they love God.”

This statement makes no sense. Of course fat people don’t “love their fat.” But just as you have met many skinny people who love their “skinniness” more than God, I have met many fat people who love their food more than God. That is a more accurate comparison. No one loves their “skinniness” in and of itself; they love it because of what it gets them or represents – beauty, attention, health, etc.

Re: This whole topic. I believe gluttony and an unhealthy perspective/attitude towards food is by far one of the most acceptable sins we have in our culture today. Yes, I know there are some people for whom obesity is a result not of any sin or shortcoming, but rather for health reasons or other reasons beyond their control. I do not deny that. However, the VAST majority of obese people cannot honestly claim this. Is it wrong to assume that a fat person is at least partially guilty of sin related to their obesity? Perhaps. But I would venture that we make all sorts of similar judgments everyday – why is this one singled out so much more often and so much more vigorously? Probably because we are conditioned to believe it’s okay.

53. Molly said the following at 9:34 PM on Jun 9:

Craig M. (#28):
Hey, you know what's REALLY not attractive? Your horrible attitude. I think most obese people probably have an easier time getting dates that someone so judgmental and self-righteous.

Kristina M. (#31):
Wow. Excuse me, speaking as someone who has personally struggled with clinical depression and watched nearly everyone on her mom's side of the family go through the same, I can argue quite confidently that depression IS ABSOLUTELY A MEDICAL CONDITION. I'm sorry that yours wasn't - that it was your own vanity, but it REALLY rubs me the wrong way when people play that card. If you're only struggling with a warped sense of pride, you don't have depression. You just think/wish you do. Depression is a literal chemical imbalance and requires (often intense) therapy and/or anti-depressants to get rid of.

Also, side notes for anyone and everyone:

First of all, even when one of the world's many fat persons is fat due to their own choices, I still can't blame them but so much. We are all the products of our environment, and at least in the US, our environment continues to be one where fast food is cheap, healthy food is expensive, and average portion sizes EVERYWHERE continue to grow. It's almost expected that many will become fat when living in such an environment. (It actually disgusts me when I read some of the condemning comments already posted.)

Also, no one, ever, should be encouraged to lose weight for the sole purpose of finding a mate. Take it from someone who knows: It doesn't work. You will be disappointed. Lose weight because it's healthy, because it means you'll live a longer, easier life. Just about every reason I can think of to lose weight is a much better one than "getting dates". That's one thing that drives me NUTS about Boundless in general. You guys put dating and marriage on such an unbelievably high pedestal that you convince your readers that it's the most important thing ever and it should be their main focus in life. Believe me, I completely understand the needs, desires, and pain that women who want a husband go through, but it's almost as if no Boundless-reading females realize that it's NOT necessary to feel fulfilled. (Don't even get me started on how much the theology/philosophy/apologetics articles need to come back and how out of hand the Line has gotten on this topic.)

Third, obesity is not beautiful. No one who is grossly over or underweight should ever be patted on the back and told that it's ok and they're perfect as is. But Candice's post was a nice reminder that that doesn't take away anyone's worth as a human being.

54. Laura said the following at 10:45 PM on Jun 9:

Kristina (#31): I agree that it's important not to classify *everything* as a medical issue, but I think we MUST realize that there is no way for us to tell simply from looking at someone whether their weight is caused by a hormone imbalance, a genetic predisposition, a disease, a medication, or just plain too many calories and not enough activity -- or (more likely) some combination of all those things! We CANNOT know that from looking at someone. Obesity does not always stem from a "condition" but it is a far, far more complex issue in many cases than just "putting in the work."

Furthermore, I find it frustrating that Christians tend to react so strongly against the over-medicalization of our society, which wants to turn everything into a disease, that we absolutely refuse even to acknowledge that there *could be* underlying hormonal or chemical contributors to things like obesity, alcoholism, and depression. Blindly rejecting the culture's view is no more godly than blindly embracing the culture's view.

As a Christian, I recognize that ultimately, obesity, addiction, depression, etc. are a result of the Fall. I also recognize that sinful choices often play a role in those issues. But in probably most cases, far more than personal sinful choices are at work. Nobody wakes up one morning and says, "I think I'll start down the road toward becoming an alcoholic today!" Most people have personal histories, trigger events, genetic propensity, and so on, that contribute. THOSE EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES IN NO WAY NEGATE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY! I am still fully responsible for my sinful choices, even though I was born in sin, even though I have been sinned against, even though I don't control my genes.

But it does a great disservice to people who struggle with depression or anxiety, addiction, and obesity to imply that their ONLY problem is personal sin and that the ONLY solution is hard work. Ultimately, the reason it does them a disservice is because it's anti-Gospel. It puts the onus on ME to fix my sin problem, when the only one who can fix my sin problem is GOD. And far beyond salvation, God also has the power to heal our infirmities, to address the pain and sorrow and past hurts that so often underlie addiction, depression, obesity and the like.

55. Nicole (from MA) said the following at 10:59 PM on Jun 9:

Jacob M. (#26) - I am living proof that you can indeed gain weight while eating little and exercising. I was on Weight Watchers for two years eating about 1800 calories per day and exercising at least 3 times per week, usually more like 5 times. And I gained two pounds in two years.

That was nearly 4 years ago. I have continued to gain weight since then despite eating extremely well and exercising. Now that I'm seeing an acupuncturist and a natropathic doctor and don't eat wheat or sugar or chemicals (unless absolutely impossible to avoid), the weight is finally starting to come off.

Candice, this is encouraging. Thanks for posting it. Not gonna lie - I've cried about my weight a lot and it's strongly tied to the thought that I will never be married because of the way I look. This is yet another reminder that God knows what He's doing. (For the record, I wouldn't trade those tears for anything. I have learned to cling to my Saviour in a way I never would have otherwise.)

56. Mark W said the following at 11:20 PM on Jun 9:

I'm glad that Candice wrote this post. At the same time, obviously you have your reasons for doing so, but I do think it's a shame that you thought it was necessary to delete Ted's post.

57. Kathryn (Perth, Aust) said the following at 11:40 PM on Jun 9:

I second everything that Rose (#9) said.

All this focus on weight is really bugging me. I'm in a healthy weight range and my fiancé loves me whatever I look like. But we recently went through this thing where I had to deal with my insecurity because of 'problem' areas, and him still loving me. All this focus on outward appearance and us women needing to bend a little to fit society's perceptions of beauty is terribly unhelpful. Because I have large thighs, I'm terribly self-conscious of them, despite fiancé finding me beautiful inside and out. But what if people look down me because of them? What is CHRISTIANS look down on me because of them? What if I get pregnant and gain lots of weight and can't get it off? Will you think I'm lazy then too? What if I devote all my time to ministry and eat microwaves dinners and not exercise - thus gaining weight? Will you think I'm greedy then too?

The issue as I see it is simply that fat is being picked on because you're judging all fat people as slothful or greedy. The problem with this is that skinning people can be just like that too only their metabolisms are a bit higher. I used to work with a model (in a fast food place actually) and she ate whatever! Yet retained her slim figure. My Mum is one of the healthiest people I know and incredibly fit. Yet she is fat. Yet my Dad married her whilst fat and loves her still.

We really ought to be encouraging everyone to look past the fat and see the person created in the image of God. This focus on fat is making me quite angry, Boundless and I really pray you repent from this.

Suppose a woman comes into your meeting wearing nice clothes and makeup for her size 8 frame, and a poor woman, clearly overweight comes in too. If you show special attention to the slim woman wearing fine clothes and say, "Here's a good seat for you," but say to the poor woman, "I believe you're struggling with some sin that all the rest of us can see from your weight," have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?

58. Lisa said the following at 12:16 AM on Jun 10:

What happened to Ted Slater's article that was published the other day, "Maybe It's Because You're Fat"? I went to re-read it and it mysteriously disappeared. Boundless, please don't tell me it was removed because some people found it offensive. While I agree that some obesity is caused by health problems beyond a person's control, let's be honest. Most obese people are that way because of what they eat. Gluttony is one of the least talked about topics in church- probably because most of us are seriously guilty of it. Would I date someone who is morbidly obese? No. Same way I will not date smokers. Both are committing a slow suicide. Do I want to date someone who will likely die earlier due to smoking or making unhealthy choices? Nope. I think that weight (and I mean obesity, not just a few extra pounds or slight chubbiness) is a legitimate reason to break off or not enter a relationship. And I don't think it's shallow or wrong. It's a matter of wanting to be with someone who takes care of himself.

59. Eliana said the following at 2:12 AM on Jun 10:

I believe this Chesterton quote is fitting to the discussion... ;)

For fatness really is a valuable quality. While it creates admiration in the onlookers, it creates modesty in the possessor. If there is anything on which I differ from the monastic institutions of the past, it is that they sometimes sought to achieve humility by means of emaciation. It may be that the thin monks were holy, but I am sure it was the fat monks who were humble. Falstaff said that to be fat is not to be hated; but it certainly is to be laughed at, and that is a more wholesome experience for the soul of man.

60. Yuri said the following at 2:17 AM on Jun 10:

This is what I love about Boundless. The layer of grace and supernaturalness is so thin that you can easily see to other side of what is a purely pragmatic and social agenda.

This post simply puffs up the direct and curt idea that "If you are overweight, you will have trouble attracting mates. You must lose weight."

Forget the impossible or the supernatural, let's just all spout the ways of nature--men are attracted to women on the basis of physical fitness, and women are attracted to men on the basis of providing social status and security.

61. Craig M. said the following at 2:36 AM on Jun 10:

H-- I'm of the opinion that lying to seriously overweight people about both their health and their attractiveness, by propagating a myth that beauty is purely a social construct, is worse than telling the truth bluntly. That's what Grace is doing: lying to them, intentionally or not. My post was, I think, a fair and accurate synopsis of her lie; I challenge you to find the statement in it that wouldn't be simpatico with her post had I meant it seriously. If it seemed outlandish to you, maybe that's because Grace's ideas are so outlandish.

By the way, I think Candice's original post was right on. Attractiveness and health have zero to do with the intrinsic worth of a person, and there is always the chance to improve ourselves through hard work and the development of discipline. But Grace isn't talking about intrinsic worth, she's talking about beauty--and she's saying the hard work isn't necessary. There should be no dispute that any seriously overweight person substantially improves his or her life--physically, spiritually, relationally, even professionally--by adopting healthy habits and losing the weight. Telling such people that change isn't necessary is not doing them a service.

62. Sionel said the following at 4:45 AM on Jun 10:

I don't think that any of us is entitled to make judgments about why someone is overweight or about what the root of depression is in a particular person (Kristina #31, you possibly didn't mean to imply that all depression is actually sin, but it could be read that way). Both things *can* be the result of sinful attitudes and actions, yes, and frequently are. However, both can also have a medical cause - not always easily treated - and also genetic components, which aren't treatable at all. Sometimes, the root cause is a combination of all three things (and exactly which factor or factors are contributing is usually the business of the person themselves and their close friends - not everyone around them). Rather than looking at someone and assuming what's going on in their lives, maybe we need to be extending them grace and love - goodness knows I have enough not-perfect areas myself :)

63. Shawn said the following at 5:40 AM on Jun 10:

Hey Ted, does this mean the ladies at Boundless took you to the woodshed over the article you wrote? I noticed that I can't find it here anymore. Hell hath no fury like a fat lady scorned.

64. Priscilla said the following at 6:54 AM on Jun 10:

I just realised -- you deleted the Maybe you're fat post! Why?

Hey, I thought Ted's tone and choice of words was rather offensive, (despite the essential validity of the advice he offered) but anyway, there was a lively discussion with some very helpful things in the comments...which have also got deleted. If you did delete the whole thing, maybe Ted or someone could give an explanation on why. (And if it was deleted because Boundless thought the post was offensive, an apology might be the Christian thing to do).

65. melissa said the following at 7:30 AM on Jun 10:

thank you. i needed this today...

66. Ronnica said the following at 7:34 AM on Jun 10:

Thanks, Candice. I've tried to lose weight (with some success) and I've given up (more often). The truth is, that the mirror isn't much of a motivator to me...but God's glory *should* be.

Craig, and I'll be honest with you, your biting words are NOT attractive to ANY woman.

67. Tiffany said the following at 8:00 AM on Jun 10:

Overall I was encouraged by this post except for the statement that my sin is painfully visible. I am overweight and struggle with my weight. I do have medical conditions that not only make losing weight hard (polycystic ovarian syndrome) but make it very hard, when I am married, to get pregnant. so not only do I fight my weight, I must now come to terms with the possiblity of never having children. It is a little to glib to simply say I am overweight because I am sinful.

68. slc said the following at 8:22 AM on Jun 10:

"your sin is painfully visible."

what sin? the sin of not fitting culture's standard? the sin of not being a size 4? the sin of having more fat than wanted? the sin of a poor self-image? the sin of not having enough money to join a gym?

why are people so quick to equate an excess weight problem with an excess sin problem?

is something that causes physical unattractiveness morally wrong? does a gene that makes a man bald at 18 a result of a sin issue? we would argue no. should a woman judge a man based on baldness? we would say absolutely not. can a man do something about this baldness? sure. he could get transplants or try rogaine. but does that change his genes? the fact that he is bald has nothing to do with his spiritual condition.

now, i know that weight isn't a perfect analogy. but i do know that when a person (man or woman) does exercise, does eat sensibly (much more sensibly than naturally thin people), and still holds extra weight... they should not be guilted into thinking that this is because of a sin on their part-- that their jean (or gene) size is a punishment or a sin issue. God didn't design everyone to fit the same image... despite our attempts to demoralize people who don't fit the ideal.

besides, think about it: if some overweight people are more prone to emotionally eat out of guilt, etc., anyway... and they are trying to turn that tendency over to God ... isn't this accusation and mindset counter-productive. now, instead of not being physically good enough, they aren't spiritually good enough, either.

just some food for thought.

69. Mykella said the following at 8:27 AM on Jun 10:

I have been overweight. at the time, I came across a Christian man, a personal trainer, who believes anyone overweight does not love themselves. I really struggled with that as I felt very much in love with myself and knew God loved me dearly. But very honestly, as I let God deeper and deeper into my heart and really accepted he loves all the dirty, hidden, gross sides of me, I really felt more alive and deeper in love with myself, and, as I prayed it would, junk food doesn't taste good anymore and I love the feeling of my body working out. I have fallen deeper in love with myself and I want to care for my body/God's temple with a higher meticulousness let's say. So, I do believe being overweight (and not getting help - meds/hormones, etc. if it is a thyroid issue, etc.) is a sin 'cause God is grieved at our low self-understanding and care and literally, every organ and joint in our body struggles underneath excess weight to keep us functioning well and for many years into old age. So yes I think obesity is a sin.

I'm glad to see this thread. Funny, I never saw any of the articles on losing weight by God until now!

70. MJ said the following at 8:29 AM on Jun 10:

"Your sin is painfully visible."

So what about the sin that isn't visable? Shouldn't that pain us as well? What is the difference?

Assuming that this is a response to Ted Slater's diatribe, I just don't understand why this line of thinking is okay. Because looking at weight/body type, etc. is such a worldly way of assessing someone. We keep hearing that it's the heart that matters, but at least in this instance, Boundless seems to be saying that it's okay to judge someone by their appearance. "Ladies, if you're single and fat, really... lose the weight. The problem is with you." When in reality, if God ordains us to be married, we can't mess that up.

So I'm left wondering, what is the deeper issue here that needs to be addressed; obesity (which let's face it, can be handled apart from singleness), or men using wordly standards when choosing a wife?

(Yes, and for the record, I am not nor have I ever been overweight. In fact, in my early twenties I was slightly underweight, all the while eating whatever I wanted, not ever exercising, and generally living an unhealthy lifestyle. It really is true, never judge a book by its cover).

71. BAC said the following at 8:38 AM on Jun 10:

As an overweight woman, I appreciate this post and what Candice is trying to convey in it. I am, also, not offended by the reference to 'my sin being painfully visible.'

I think that the point is the fact that we ALL fall short of God's perfection. Within individuals that have so much to say in judgment of someone who is fat, there may be a struggle with pride, lust, wrath or any other sin under the sun. However, a person doesn't usually know that about you until they get to know you or, at least, have a conversation with you. But the moment that you see me, you know that the sin I struggle with is sloth or gluttony or a combination of the two.

What I often find rather ironic is the fact that if I starved my hurt away instead of trying to comfort myself and stuff it down my throat as I have in the past, the reaction would be far more sympathetic. This is despite the fact that most would agree that being skeletally thin is very unhealthy (sometimes even AFTER the person ceases the behavior that caused it) and not visually appealing either.

72. RLynn said the following at 8:40 AM on Jun 10:

#31-While some "depression" may have it's roots in the sin of not trusting God, and being self-centered, let's remember that a lot of depression has a bio-chemical basis and is a medical condition. There are a lot of Christians in the world who don't seek clinical/pastoral help for depression because of the shame and stigma often (wrongly) associated with depression claiming sinful origins.

73. Robert said the following at 9:05 AM on Jun 10:

#31 Kristina M.

There are two kinds of depression;
one is a feeling of being down, some call it having the blues or being down in the dumps.

The other is called Clinical Depression. It is either caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain or the feeling of being depressed (caused by a traumatic or stressful event) can create biological changes in the brain that can lead to Clinical Depression. There are also biological changes that can occur in the body due to illness, disease, etc. that can lead to depression

Clinical Depression can be treated with medication and counseling to put the patient back on track physically and emotionally. To categorize depression as "sin" is both ignorant and careless.

You may indeed have simply had a case of the blues but other people suffer from depression that isn't their fault. That is the same attitude that would summize that a cell phone is a "talking box created by the devil".

74. Katrece said the following at 9:08 AM on Jun 10:

Bravo to Ted for his blog! Finally, there is someone willing to speak the hard truth in love. I wish the Body of Christ as a whole would tackle this issue. It seems to be an issue church leaders gloss over and rarely touch. First of all, this issue has nothing to do with someone’s worthiness before Christ.

Should we react the same way, as many people are regarding weight issues, to pornography? There have been several blogs on Boundless that have dealt with that issue. I do not recall several responses that attacked the blog’s writer for hurting his/her feelings. Nor did the majority of the responses seem to say the issue was not sin. It certainly fall under the category of a "hard" truth. Being unnecessarily overweight or obese IS a SIN. Trying to play it off as “OK” and acting like everyone else is wrong for seeing things as they really are is a joke. To borrow a term from the dictionary, those who engage in those excuses for their behavior are “crocks.”

Let us stop making excuses. Those who were engaged in pornography have to engage in what Romans 12 tells us. The same is true for those who are unnecessarily overweight/obese and all believers. We are commanded to renew our minds and “And do not be conformed to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds; so that you may be able to test and approve what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect will of God in Christ Jesus.” So we repent, receive God’s forgiveness, walk in victory through Christ, and try to reverse as many negative effects as possible. If you need to eat less and go to the gym, do it!

How do we know gluttony is a sin? There are soooo…many scriptures that address it. In Galatians, Paul writes of the deeds of the flesh versus the deeds of the spirit. No, Paul does not specifically mention gluttony but He does talk about self-control. If you do not strive to maintain self-control you ARE sinning.

75. Jeremiah (from Denver) said the following at 9:08 AM on Jun 10:

I like what Candice wrote here. The tone is encouraging and everything she says about redemption and value is spot on. That said I am extremely disappointed that Ted’s blog got deleted. Ted did include some statements (beach ball, etc.) that I felt were unnecessary and probably overly harsh. However, the gist of what Ted wrote was also very true and much of the discussion that followed had merit. Losing weight takes discipline sacrifice, and lots of pain. Sometimes a heavy hand is far more effective a motivator than anything else.

I bet there were lots of men (and some women) that were pleased that Boundless would publish something that was direct, a little mean, and plenty TOUGH. (Kind of like the real world).

I wonder sometimes, because Christian women often complain that men are not stepping up to the plate and filling masculine roles. On the overhand, anything that comes across (in the church) as overly blunt, direct, and masculine, gets shot down by a dozens of voices complaining that we have to only reinforce only positively. Like s[peaking to little children that will absolutely shatter if their feelings get hurt. What very happened to the hymn onward Christian soldiers? Isn’t that what we are? Warriors in a spiritual battle? Why do we have to be so soft all the time? So coddling? So FEMININE?

As a man, I feel disenfranchised. Let Ted have his blog back!!!

76. Johnathan said the following at 9:09 AM on Jun 10:

Re: #29 Leeandra - "Yes, gluttony is a sin and the body is a temple of the Holy Ghost...but keep in mind that it is only a temporary thing whereas the soul is eternal. On the scale of sins, I'd put the damage done to the body by overeating as pretty minor"

Sin is sin. Yes, some sins have greater impacts, but they are all still sins. By your reasoning, I could argue that adultery isn't that big of a sin either, because marriage is only "temporary". Besides, Scripture teaches that our faithfulness in small areas affects what we are given with in the future. If we can't be faithful with our temporary, physical bodies and we damage them in a "minor" way, how can we expect to be faithful with anything of "greater" significance?

77. RuthGoose said the following at 9:47 AM on Jun 10:

Oh my goodness. I'm tired of people coming down hard on fat people. I mean...yes...people can lose weight, but it's more difficult for some. And being sarcastic with them is not encouraging. Genetics can definitely play a big role in it. It's going to take much harder work for some to lose weight than some. Everybody arrives at some state of something at some point in their life for various reasons.

We need to meet people where they are. Being overweight is definitely not a good thing. But we need to separate the issue of weight from the issue of beauty so that people can take care of themselves because it's healthy!!!

Reading Beth Moore's book So Long Insecurity has really opened my eyes to see how much of a woman's security is wrapped up in how we see ourselves in men's eyes (strive for beauty) and women's eyes (comparisons to one another). We need to see ourselves in God's eyes (taking care of OURSELVES not for the sake of others...but striving for our own health).

Should we try to look good for our OWN man. By all means...yes!!! But our ULTIMATE goal...MUST be GOD.

I bet that if we make our ULTIMATE GOAL GOD...that will help women lose weight. That's going to be a difficult thing due to the fact that culture is soooo wrapped up in beauty rather than following God.

Let's encouraging one another toward God...rather than toward beauty. Did not beauty come from him??? Does his word not say seek first his kingdom and all these things would be added?

78. Tami said the following at 10:38 AM on Jun 10:

There is a middle ground between completely *blaming* a person for their condition, and completely *absolving* him or her because their condition has physical roots.

Depression *is* a physical condition AS WELL AS a spiritual condition. Some of us have the tendency towards depression as it's part of our physical makeup; yes, we have to work on our attitudes and outlooks with the Lord's help. BUT that's not to say that if I say it has physical roots, I'm excusing away my responsibility for dealing with it.

... I needed to say that because -- as someone who's had church people be COMPLETELY unhelpful, and indeed hurtful, in regards to depression -- I think we need to help them instead of telling them it's simply their personal sin issue. Helping them understand the underlying physical AND spiritual concerns is paramount to health and healing. I didn't grow until someone HELPED me understand my identity in Christ -- telling me "depression is sin" and then looking askance at me did no good.

I imagine overweight people may feel the same way. It needs to be addressed, and the people need to be directed toward God for help & redemption; but heaping condemnation, scorn, and mockery is not fruitful.

79. Alice in Wanderland said the following at 12:29 PM on Jun 10:

I have almost always been the tallest person and weigh more than most. I'm about 30 lbs overweight, but really noticable when you are taller than most guys. And I have had some self-image problems. But in the end I realized that it wasn't about that.

What I finally realized is that it all comes down to doing your *best* and being satisfied with the results. Some people’s best is better than others. I can be confident in my weight as long as I know that I am doing the best I can to stay in shape. I may not be in shape yet, I have tried, and stayed about the same weight since I was 12, but it’s the effort that counts. It is frustrating. I would rather give up and make excuses. “I’m not *that* fat.” “I’m good at everything else, why can’t I just forget this one and move on?” “I have a great smile and pretty eyes.” “I don’t *look* fat.”

But it comes down to offering our bodies as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable to God. God would rather have a fat person who is working on honoring God in all they do, including what they eat and the exercise they get, than a person who is at a good weight who disregards their body or does blatant things to hurt it. (Like smoke or drink excessively.)

But giving up and giving God excuses, however valid they are, is not what he wants. Health problem? He is the great physician!! Tried everything? Try God!

This has become my prayer:
“God, I can’t do this myself. But I ask you to give me the will to get out of bed every morning at 5:15 to go exercising. I ask you to give me the self control to only put into my body what is pleasing to you. I want to hunger after you more than I do after swiss cake rolls or fried chicken. I want to thirst after you more than I do coke or sweet tea. If there is anything unhealthy in my life, any attitude, thought, or behavior, please make me aware of it and help me to fix it. Give me the wisdom to know what to eat, when to exercise or quit exercising. You are the great physician, I thank you for giving me feet so that I may run and lungs that I may breathe. If anything is broken in me, please fix it. May I learn to honor you with both my body and my mind. Amen. ”

In the end, I may never lose the 30 lbs. I may never be as pretty as most people or as socially adept. I may never date or get married. (Which would still really stink, btw.) But I have made the choice to honor God with my body, no matter the result.

80. Ender W. said the following at 12:36 PM on Jun 10:

I agree with Jacob #26 on this one. It is true if you burn more calories than you consume you will lose weight. Add exercise into this and the process speeds up. However there should also be a change of diet. If you don’t start eating right you will eventually hurt your body. And never eat only one meal a day. That’s asking for health problems. Instead eat more like 4-6 meals a day, but make them small and make them full of fruits and veggies rather than junk food.

Sadly whenever weight issues are brought up people automatically claim health reasons. But the truth is these medical things are the exception not the rule. This is especially true in America, the fattest country in the world. What people need to be told is to do something about their weight. Get out and exercise, learn to eat right, and lose some weight, you really can do it!

Like Craig #28 I also wonder why guys are condemned for wanting a girl that’s not fat. It definitely seems to be a double standard. Guys are expected to look like brad pit while girls are told they are beautiful no matter what. Guys are told they are wrong for not thinking obese girls are beautiful. Honestly as much as obesity is excused in Christian circles, I don’t see it in the bible. I also don’t see how scripturally anyone could justify these claims that the brad pitts must marry the ugly bettys.

I have no problem with girls expecting guys to look like brad pitt. I think guys should take care of their bodies. However I also expect girls to get in shape. I value being in shape and I want to marry a girl that shares that value. I don’t see where scripture condemns that.

Interestingly check out the proverbs 31 woman. She works out.
Prov. 31:17 She girds herself with strength And makes her arms strong.

81. Tami said the following at 1:19 PM on Jun 10:

Lovely prayer, Alice in Wanderland. There are a lot of goodies around where I work (free candy!), and I'm trying to cut back on what I eat, and eat better than I have been for a while. I have been praying, "Lord, help me to be satisfied by what I have just eaten."

82. Alex B. said the following at 1:30 PM on Jun 10:

#42 (Aliq):

Have I had a boyfriend? Yeah I have. Plenty. But they weren’t Christian. Christian men hate fat people. So Im single for now.

This may be harsh, but maybe part of why the Christian men don't show any interest is because you've had "plenty" of non-Christian boyfriends.

On the original post:

I'm not thrilled that Ted's post has been removed. Not only men were glad to see such an honest, straightforward post. No, it wasn't as nice as it could've been, and yes, there were a couple of vindictive comments from the men. But many women commented positively on the post, lauding it for its candor and no-nonsense tone.

Post this as a counter-argument or different perspective? Sure. But get rid of a post that was appreciated by much, if not most, of the intended audience because it hurt a few people's feelings? Really? What if a woman who would've responded to the slap-in-the-face approach didn't check the blog for a couple of days and thus never saw it?

I remember a post a while back referencing a pastor who called the church today "weak and womanly"; ever think that this sort of stuff is why? Christianity isn't about feelings and self-esteem; Christians are supposed to know, say, and do what's right, even when it hurts or is unpopular.

It is possible to overcome obesity. But the goal should never be to turn a head or even snag a mate. The ultimate goal and the one that has the power to change you, is God's glory.

I don't think there's anything wrong with having some more practical, short-term motivations alongside the more abstract, spiritual ones. I'm not sure if that's what you're saying or not, but that's how it reads. And, frankly, I think trying to make weight a primarily spiritual issue is a bit silly. The "my body is a temple" argument has merit, but I don't think there's anything wrong with deciding to lose weight for Earthly reasons.

83. Jo said the following at 1:30 PM on Jun 10:

Mark W, 56
"I'm glad that Candice wrote this post. At the same time, obviously you have your reasons for doing so, but I do think it's a shame that you thought it was necessary to delete Ted's post."

I agree actually. I think Ted could have edited two or three lines of his post (including the title), and it would still have been blunt without being offensive. And I think that while this post is a very good counterbalance to that one, it comes across as a little soft by itself.

That said, it was obviously felt that Ted's post was best removed, and I appreciate his willingness to apologise.

I hope though that this decision doesn't fuel the view of some guys here that Boundless is always hard on the men and never the women. More than Ted's original post, what I found most sad was the guys who commented seeming full of glee that some of the women were upset. I don't know whether Boundless holds some of the blame or not, but I do think this 'them and us' attitude between the genders here needs to be addressed properly, because it's getting really poisonous.

84. Sarah P. said the following at 1:45 PM on Jun 10:

Ya know, America just can't be so full of thyroid issues as all that. Seems unlikely, doesn't it?

I think, frankly, that most overweight people are at least partially unaware of how their habits harm them. Like my mom. She'll talk and talk about how she plans to follow some diet. She'll fill the freezer with Jenny Craig. But she never follows her plan. She might not eat at all until 3pm, for example. Or she'll be on an ice milk kick for a few days (not ice cream, because that is bad for you, of course).

She honestly seems totally unaware that words and actions don't match. And yes, I think it is very closely linked with her need for love, since she had a difficult childhood. I have noticed over the last few years, since I started praying for God's grace in her life and started telling her on a regular basis how much I appreciate her, she's done much better physically as well!

For me, it's the little things that add up. I'm concerned about running life's marathon, so I don't mind the everyday fluctuations. I don't even weigh myself most of the time. But I do notice the fluctuations in passing.

I wish more people were educated in how to care for their bodies and maintain them beautifully for the long term. So many people just accept a lower standard for themselves in many areas of life when they don't have to. I think physical discipline, maintained by the power of Christ, provides such a good starting point to attack character issues with confidence.

85. Craig M. said the following at 1:57 PM on Jun 10:

And fat-gate has come to its inevitable conclusion, with Ted apologizing for telling the truth with enough panache to actually cause a lot of people to read his post. Sigh. Well, good for him if he felt it was the right thing to do. While I thought his post applied pretty equally to men and women, I suspect very strongly that he'd not have backed down had it been a little group of men who were offended.

We are a culture awash in unwarranted and unearned self-esteem, a pillows-and-cotton-candy world in which no one wants to hear even a mildly critical word. "I'm offended" is like a magical incantation that causes speakers of mildly amusing truths to dive under a sofa. No wonder we get such treacly, saccharine sermons from our pastors in evangelical churches. This level of sensitivity--this constant demand to never be "offended"--this is not good for us.

I find it fascinating, by the way, that those who didn't like my (very mild, I still think) comment find it necessary to believe that women won't "be attracted" to me, that "obese people probably have an easier time getting dates" than me, and that I must be "bitter" about something that happened to me as a child. As though someone could only be fed up with the narcissism cult as the result of a personality disorder or chronic loneliness. Folks, I get married in August. My fiancee is GREAT, and I haven't the tiniest bit of interest in whether any other women want to date me or find me attractive. I therefore declare that I am in no way offended by any of your comments, no matter how lonely, ugly and miserable you enjoyed pretending that I am. I note, by the way, that no one has actually disagreed with the point of my post--that Grace was peddling nefarious nonsense.

86. Anonymous said the following at 2:00 PM on Jun 10:

#46

"If yesterday's article hit a little close to home, ask yourself why. If you were personally offended, there's a reason."

Maybe the reason is because the post was rude and demeaning. Maybe it hit close to home because, even having never been overweight (or anything close to overweight), I struggle with wanting to be accepted and loved in spite of my body. Maybe it hit close to home because it strikes the major fear many women have of whether or not their husbands will still love and find them attractive when their body has changed after having children. Maybe it hit close to home because I want to find a guy who will actually love me for more than having a "hot" body.

87. David said the following at 2:01 PM on Jun 10:

To the people ranting against my advice, take this into consideration: God designed our bodies. There is a purpose to our body fat. It is there to give you ENERGY when you aren't eating.

To think that it's unhealthy to cut back on meals is just a MYTH that you are using to justify eating and munching on stuff all day and you still wonder why you are still overweight??

It's called denial, attempting to justify your snacking and overeating with bad science.

If you want proof, look up what insulin and glucagon do regarding fat formation and breakdown.

88. Sarah P. said the following at 2:36 PM on Jun 10:

Jo (#83) said: I do think this 'them and us' attitude between the genders here needs to be addressed properly, because it's getting really poisonous.

I absolutely agree. I am noticing this more and more. Men and women are each arguing the same things about the other sex. Not good.

Craig M. (#85) said: My fiancee is GREAT, and I haven't the tiniest bit of interest in whether any other women want to date me or find me attractive.

The only reason I didn't type a reply to your earlier post myself is that I didn't want to publish my knee-jerk reaction on the Internet. :) Having had time to reflect, I still find your words absolutely lacking in grace and far too harsh. Truth: In God's eyes, a fat child of His is beautiful, because all He sees is Jesus. Truth: Nevertheless, this person may or may not be a good spouse.

David (#87) said: To think that it's unhealthy to cut back on meals is just a MYTH that you are using to justify eating and munching on stuff all day and you still wonder why you are still overweight??

I don't know how you can say this when it is absolutely contrary to fact. Exercise scientists have found again and again that simply skipping breakfast will do crazy things to your blood sugar the rest of the day. I just Googled "skipping breakfast," and here is the second link that came up: http://www.womenfitness.net/top10_no_skip_breakfast.htm

When your body starts burning up your muscle, as others have noted, you're really in trouble. Muscle is much harder to gain, and you have to work at it intentionally. It is also the major factor that keeps you in good shape, since you burn more calories just by sitting when you have muscle.

Many people starve themselves in an attempt to lose weight, but they can never dip below a certain point. As soon as they relax, their body seizes on any extra calories and stores them. Then the new storage is much harder to lose again.

89. Brian in San Dimas said the following at 2:50 PM on Jun 10:

Just want to clarify something here.....It was I that started the depression issue with Kristina. She is catching alot of unwarranted flack for her honesty in dealing with her issue. That being said I stand by my comments. This is an issue of personal ownership for ones outlook and dealing with a whole string of life circumstances. I am NOT saying that every last disorder in our lives is spiritual and has no medical relevance. But may I remind you that the bible is clear on this, we fight against things that are unseen(see Ephesians 6). SO yes there is a very strong spiritual component to the things we as humans face. There is a "spirit of pharamcia" in our culture. We have half or more of our population walking around under the influence of some form of drug. The enemy has a field day with us. We think "everything" is some kind of disorder that needs a drug to fix it. Hence the comments of personal ownership. One of the most amazing things about the way GOD created the human mind is this, WE HAVE THE ABILITY TO THINK ABOUT WHAT WE THINK ABOUT......Ponder that for a moment/reread it a few times. When was the last time you actually stopped and thought about what you are thinking about. This then gets amplified even more when we throw in the VERY unhealthy "American diet". Very low if any vitamins and nutrients to feed our brains and different "biochemical" reactions in our bodies. Then low and behold we develope some disorder....The enemy steps in feeds a bunch of lies to your "spirit man" and you follow in to the trap of someone who needs a "pharmacutical" to just function normally. I think if you are reading this with honesty and not blinded by all of the "nonspiritual" doctors(who rely on just science) to tell them whats wrong with them then you'll begin to see what I am saying.

Let me be clear, I am not saying doctors are no good...Iam not saying that there are not valid medical conditions...I am not saying never use a form of a drug....What I am saying is that there is another side to all of this. Explore it!!!!Also see "The Screwtape Letters" by C.S. Lewis, a great story of the spiritual world around us.

90. IMO said the following at 2:58 PM on Jun 10:

Craig M and all harsh-word advocaters:

Telling harsh truth comes easily for you, and myself included. It's almost too easy to be blunt, harsh, and rude in the delivery of the truth.

But we have to take God's Word seriously.

It's been mentioned before, but bears repeating:

Ephesians 4:15
Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.

And 4:14 that leads into 4:15 can be applied as well...

How about:
32 Be kind and compassionate to one another...
Why can't we apply this to this conversation?

Because it's easier to make antagonistic, sarcastic comments like in #28..
CRAIG, that's not the godly way to respond, even if it gets the point across!

91. IMO said the following at 3:12 PM on Jun 10:

Also, Craig, it seems like you are really interested in opening the eyes of these obese women to the reality of their situation...
How about then genuinely praying for these women ...on your way home from work...or at night before bed?

If you don't even feel like praying for them, then it's pretty clear where your heart is on the matter. It means you are just throwing daggers of truth without a real concern for your overweight/obese sisters in Christ.

92. Al said the following at 3:29 PM on Jun 10:

Jayme wrote,

Maybe Craig M was a little harsh, but he had to be. To balance out the women who took Candace's post as an endorsement to be overweight. Hard words produce soft hearts. (If you let them and if they're true.)

No, no he didn't have to be. Last I checked, the fat sheriff didn't make him deputy. There are a billion different ways to say the same thing with firmness, honesty, love, and truth-- even bluntness-- that would have been more edifying. And I firmly believe that no excess in one direction ever balances out perceived lapses in the other.

And do you honestly think one overweight female would really take those words to heart and be motivated to change? They get plenty of that from the non-Christian world. Do you really think the regular tenor of Christian disagreement should be relentless, unbridled mocking?

I think there is a place for harsh words-- I am a fan of Mark Driscoll, and he uses that quote about hard hearts regularly. But it should not be our default tone, and it should be one that is used very carefully.

I would also advise people against it unless they can display some amount of wisdom, compassion, patience, and long-suffering, and rhetorical ability-- which those who reach for harsh words as the first tool in their toolbox typically don't.

Anyway, Ted, if you manage to read this, I just wanted to commend you for your latest post taking responsibility and explaining things. I think there was truth in your original post that you could restate, but I want to say that I do really appreciate your apology. I know that it couldn't have been easy to write.

93. Marie said the following at 3:33 PM on Jun 10:

I thank God that Jesus' answer is not the answer of most people here... truth to the religious hypocrites, and grace to those who know where they don't measure up.

While it's true, that in a lot of ways we cause all our own circumstances... Whether it be being overweight, extreme debt, depression, or anything else... God doesn't look at the mess we get in and say look where you are, now save yourself.

I am overweight... but don't believe for a second that means that you know me. I know I'm not healthy, and I will continue to work to change that.. but there are a lot of reasons people get to where they are.

Until you have been there, been in the bedroom of the 5 year old when a man comes and takes away her safety, her sense of self worth, any desire she has to be attractive or catching the notice of the men in the world....

Until you have lived beaten, bruised, your skin used to put out someone's cigarettes, in the hospital with your third concussion that year....

Until you have been hated by the people God has given you to, for reasons only He knows...

Until you have lived day in and day out with a daddy for whom you can never measure up, not be pretty enough, smart enough...

We all carry our pain. If you think you can look at someone and see what "their problem" is... well, you may very well be wrong.
Our problem? We live in a broken sinful world and thus are subject to the death and decay.

One thing I do know? The God of Grace has given me new life through His son, and has given me the ability to love others, and has given people in my life who love me... regardless of what I may look like at that moment.

The answer to the problem...?

2 For he grew up before him like a young plant,
and like a root out of dry ground;
he had no form or majesty that we should look at him,
and no beauty that we should desire him.
3 He was despised and rejected [2] by men;
a man of sorrows, [3] and acquainted with [4] grief; [5]
and as one from whom men hide their faces [6]
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

4 Surely he has borne our griefs
and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken,
smitten by God, and afflicted.
5 But he was wounded for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his stripes we are healed.
6 All we like sheep have gone astray;
we have turned—every one—to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

94. H said the following at 3:38 PM on Jun 10:

Craig M. (61)
I agree...telling the truth is important, and lying to people doesn't do them any favors. The reason I found your comment unhelpful was more to do with the tone, which to me came across as very condescending. To be honest, the first time I read it I didn't realize you were sort of paraphrasing what you took Grace to be saying...just thought you were being sarcastic, so I am sorry about that. And I am sorry I said something sarcastic about your attractiveness (even if it didn't bother you, I still apologize). I think that you might have a point I agree with in your comment, but it is hard to not be offended by the sarcasm!! And I don't mean that in a "magical incantation" way! But if you are just concerned that overweight people are being lied to and you just want to tell them the truth, why do you need to say it in that tone? Like I said before, there is a difference between being direct and being needlessly mean. I honestly don't see how saying things about Ben and Jerry's and double stuff oreos and sarcastically saying "Your feelings are the most important thing EVER!!" etc, etc is doing anyone a service.

95. Al said the following at 3:38 PM on Jun 10:

Yuri wrote,

This is what I love about Boundless. The layer of grace and supernaturalness is so thin that you can easily see to other side of what is a purely pragmatic and social agenda.

Um, that's a little... well, ungracious. Candice actually concluded on the supernatural ability of God to work beyond natural realities.

96. Al said the following at 3:45 PM on Jun 10:

Craig M,

By the way, I think Candice's original post was right on. Attractiveness and health have zero to do with the intrinsic worth of a person, and there is always the chance to improve ourselves through hard work and the development of discipline. But Grace isn't talking about intrinsic worth, she's talking about beauty--and she's saying the hard work isn't necessary. There should be no dispute that any seriously overweight person substantially improves his or her life--physically, spiritually, relationally, even professionally--by adopting healthy habits and losing the weight. Telling such people that change isn't necessary is not doing them a service.

Craig, I think if you worded your original objection in this manner, it would have not received the (justified) reactions it did. It would also have increased the likelyhood of Grace hearing and learning something from your perspective. It's actually well written and well reasoned, and I wanted to acknowledge that.

97. Tami said the following at 3:51 PM on Jun 10:

Brian (89), believe me, I understand the spiritual side of depression.

Plus there are effective ways of dealing with depression that don't include drugs -- while still recognizing that it's a physical issue. I've never taken any for depression. I'm not saying that's the solution for everyone, but it can be done.

98. Peter said the following at 4:21 PM on Jun 10:

I wonder if the shouters consider that Ted was only saying what a great many of us think. I wonder if they recognise that shouting at us will not change the way that we think, or what we find attractive. It may cause us to shut up - as Ted has by removing his post - but it still won't get you any more dates.

I wonder how many recognise the degree to which Christ's teaching was offensive. Christ was gentle with those who were penitent, but very hard indeed on those who refused to admit their problems. If Christ had followed the same standard demanded of Ted, it's probable that half of his teaching would have been omitted from the Gospels.

Are we at liberty to pick and choose the weaknesses that we acknowledge? Is it "OK" to object to smoking but not to over-eating? Neither habit is linked to maximised health or fruitfulness and neither makes us more pleasant to be with.

Peter

99. Tacuache said the following at 4:41 PM on Jun 10:

Dear Overweight Women,

I can't believe that Boundless had to have this post in order to "right the wrongs" that Ted did in telling the truth. I can't believe Ted had to delete his blog entry. I can't believe he had to apologize in the Boundless Newsletter. Just when I thought things on this site were getting to the point of really challenging people, being bold, and taking a firm hand...it's back to sweater vests, casseroles, and signing kumbayah. Honestly, I don't expect my comment to get posted, but at least the moderator will read it.

100. Craig M. said the following at 4:46 PM on Jun 10:

100

H, Al -- Fair enough. I really don't think my tone was that harsh, but (full disclosure) I do verbal combat professionally (federal prosecutor) so I have a pretty high threshold. My intent was to articulate the substance of the emotional warm bath that Grace was offering, and draw out what a lie it is. I don't think "hey guys, this is a lie" would have had quite the same effect. As it is, people certainly have absorbed the point. We ought to be alert that soothing whispers from our little comfort blankets can be the worst things for us. I still think I accurately characterized her post without any real venom.

Further, I didn't think I should have to say that God loves people regardless of their appearance. I'm pretty sure everyone here believes and understands that, and it was pretty tangential to my point.

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Dear Overweight Woman
by Candice Watters on 06/09/2010 at 11:45 AM

You have the same access to the Risen Lord; to the One who said, "Your sins are forgiven, now go and sin no more."

Dating & Courtship , Health | Mail This | Share on Facebook

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1. Tami said the following at 12:13 PM on Jun 9:

Lovely post, Candice.

2. Keb said the following at 12:14 PM on Jun 9:

Boundless keeps trying to take that hope and burn it at the stake. That's what it feels like sometimes when I come here for encouragement and advice.

And then I read over my posts and go wow, that doesn't even sound like me...because usually, I'm pretty upbeat and pretty happy. This just gets too close to the bruises on my heart.

3. J said the following at 12:18 PM on Jun 9:

A beautifully well-written, much-needed breath of encouragement from this site today. Thank you.

4. MizattA said the following at 12:32 PM on Jun 9:

5. Kim Lee said the following at 12:32 PM on Jun 9:

Candace, you wrote a book called "Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen". What do you suggest obese marriage-minded women do to "help it happen"?

6. Ted Slater said the following at 12:42 PM on Jun 9:

Thank you, Candice, for reiterating the value of all people, regardless of weight. You wrote:

Your worth and value come not from a number on the scale, or even from your ability to cut calories and get yourself to a gym to shed unwanted pounds.... Regardless of your girth, you are precious.

I emphatically affirm that. Just wanted to be clear, in case some folks have gathered otherwise ...

7. Olivia said the following at 12:49 PM on Jun 9:

8. Scott (DG) said the following at 1:06 PM on Jun 9:

(I'm assuming that that there is a complimentary post in Suzanne's vein for guys. =p)

9. Rose said the following at 1:09 PM on Jun 9:

10. Anony Girl said the following at 1:31 PM on Jun 9:

Ladies, if I can lose weight, anybody can! I've lost about 80 lbs with weight watchers, exercise, and metformin. I'm still about 220 and want to get down to 170/180. It is possible!!

11. Leeandra said the following at 1:47 PM on Jun 9:

Great post, Candace.

The only quibble I would have is the line "your sin is painfully visible."

Only the person in question and perhaps their doctor can make the call as to what's causing their obesity, and it's really none of the rest of our business.

I think it's best to, when reflecting on others' perceived sins, to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Nor, of course, is gluttony or laziness a sin that only manifests in the obese.

12. David said the following at 1:50 PM on Jun 9:

Wanting marriage is not the only reason to try to lose weight. There are so many health advantages of normal body weight. Losing weight will give you energy and you will gain self-discipline.

How about skipping lunch and dinner and just eating breakfast to get you through the day? Throwing away all the food in your house and just buying fruit and vegetables and other perishables?

Losing weight is easy if you can cut the calories in your daily meals and to just refuse to eat if you are hungry through the day.

If you are hungry and you are fat, there is no nutritional need that you need to satisfy by eating. You have plenty of fat to provide the energy not provided through your dietary intake.

13. Alyssa said the following at 1:54 PM on Jun 9:

Candice,

Thank you for these words, "I've been overweight and I've been the ideal weight, and I know the frustration and discouragement and agony that attends the former."

It's always good to know where someone is coming from before hearing what they have to say on a certain issue. So, thank you!

I wholeheartedly agree!

Thank you! Thank You! Thank You! :)

14. Kellie said the following at 1:56 PM on Jun 9:

15. Sergio said the following at 1:57 PM on Jun 9:

Heavier girls are a lot of men's preference anyway, it's all a matter of how picky the heavier girl is. I'm one of those guys ;)

16. Nikki said the following at 2:04 PM on Jun 9:

Breath.Of.Fresh.Air.

Ahhhh.

17. Janelle said the following at 2:33 PM on Jun 9:

18. Emily Johnson said the following at 2:55 PM on Jun 9:

Beautifully written Candice. Your response is a breath of fresh air-- full of grace, mercy, gentleness, self-control, and kindness. Well done.

19. Tami said the following at 3:19 PM on Jun 9:

I would not recommend skipping meals (unless directed by a doctor). For some people -- including myself -- that would result in medical issues.

And it might seriously shock a system of someone who's used to eating heartily.

20. Grace said the following at 3:26 PM on Jun 9:

I would like to add that you are not only precious, you are attractive. To many other women and men.

21. Grace said the following at 3:39 PM on Jun 9:

I would like to add that you are not only precious, you are attractive - to many men and women, as others have already pointed out.

22. Catherine said the following at 3:42 PM on Jun 9:

Thanks Candice :) that's more of the spirit I was hoping for. You should write another book for women struggling with this issue too! :)

23. Fritz said the following at 3:46 PM on Jun 9:

"Your sin is painfully visible."

I'm stunned by this. So carefully tucked in to all the warm fuzziness it makes it easy for women to swallow this poison while taking the sweet.

24. Grace said the following at 3:47 PM on Jun 9:

David (#12), alot of what you suggest is not healtly or recommendable at all, for example:

25. EKB said the following at 4:00 PM on Jun 9:

26. Jacob M. said the following at 4:10 PM on Jun 9:

27. Brian in San Dimas said the following at 4:22 PM on Jun 9:

Leeandra

28. Craig M. said the following at 4:25 PM on Jun 9:

Grace writes:

"I would like to add that you are not only precious, you are attractive. To many other women and men.

You are beautiful. Never forget that and surround yourself with people who will affirm that in you, whatever size you may be, and who will support you...without imposing their own ideals."

29. Leeandra said the following at 4:45 PM on Jun 9:

@Brian--I did in fact say that thyroid problems and other underlying medical conditions were NOT the case for the majority of obese people in America.

30. H said the following at 4:57 PM on Jun 9:

Wow, Craig M. (#28)
And bitingly sarcastic wit and mean spirited critcism is wildly attractive to all??! Come on, direct is one thing, but you can't possibly have meant that comment in a helpful way.

31. Kristina M. said the following at 4:58 PM on Jun 9:

32. Al said the following at 5:04 PM on Jun 9:

Craig M. wrote,

Yes, my sensitive little (little?) flower....you're just perfect exactly the way you are. If those mean, bad, heartless men aren't attracted to your morbidly obese shape, they're just imposing their own ideals and their narrow view of beauty...
I'll bet your feelings are still smarting a little from that mean ol' Ted's directness yesterday--you know what might make you feel better? How about some double-stuff oreos!! Or a little pint of Ben and Jerry's? Ben and Jerry don't judge you, you perfect, beautiful, rubenesque incarnation of womanhood....

You know what's *not* attractive? Ungracious mocking.

33. Michael DiMarco said the following at 5:04 PM on Jun 9:

What a terrific post filled with equal parts truth and grace.

34. Al said the following at 5:14 PM on Jun 9:

Kristina wrote,

I realized that my depression was not a condition but sin, plain and simple.

It just occurs to me now that Jesus referred to sin both as sin-- and also as a sickness that He came to heal.

35. Bethany said the following at 5:18 PM on Jun 9:

36. Trevor Dolby said the following at 5:20 PM on Jun 9:

37. Ali Rach said the following at 5:44 PM on Jun 9:

38. Irish Dude said the following at 5:54 PM on Jun 9:

30. H said Also speaking of Ted's directness, what happened to the post from yesterday?

It appears to have gone poof and is not listed under Ted's link where you can see all his blog posts.

I guess this must be the more PC and nicer version of what he was trying to get across. A shame, I applauded his bluntness and honesty.

39. Brian in San Dimas said the following at 6:16 PM on Jun 9:

Leeandra

40. Kellie said the following at 6:24 PM on Jun 9:

Not sure if my previous comment got edited or not all of it went through, but my point is that a Christian community should be more about encouraging others, especielly those who may be hurting.

41. MrsLarijani said the following at 7:53 PM on Jun 9:

First off, to state the obvious, Ted's post from yesterday is removed.

Also, this post is not getting nearly as many comments. It kind of makes me think that a lot of readers are kind of put off.

There is nothing wrong with taking off the proverbial gloves.

This post seems watered down in a lot of ways.

Your worth and value come not from a number on the scale, or even from your ability to cut calories and get yourself to a gym to shed unwanted pounds -- and believe me when I say I understand how unwanted they are!

They tell themselves that it's not their problem that they're single. It's those "shallow guys".

Man, how I'm lamenting over Ted's post being removed.

Regardless of your girth, you are precious. You are valued. You are worthy, because you are the crown of creation.

You're gettin' all Stasi and John Elderidge on us, Candace! Way to elevate the female gender higher than it ought to be!

You are made in God's image. And yet you are utterly unworthy. Apart from Christ we are all unworthy. And we all stumble in many ways. Your sin is painfully visible. But it is not insurmountable.

Ok, I see where you're going here, but it's not working. You just got done telling us that the female is the crown of creation, but you forgot to mention the fall of mankind.

Eve was deceived. She thought herself more highly than she ought.

She thought she was . . . .

the crown of creation.

Before getting married to Amir, I didn't really understand what he meant about how Boundless rails on men unfairly.

I'm seeing it now, though.

It's seems like an unjustified move to remove Ted's post only to replace it with something that mentions the female gender as the crown of creation.

42. Aliq said the following at 8:04 PM on Jun 9:

Im glad Jesus loves me. And Im glad that when I go to Africa for missions they think I am beautiful. (Fat people are beautiful in africa.)

43. jazmine said the following at 8:14 PM on Jun 9:

44. Emily Johnson said the following at 8:21 PM on Jun 9:

45. jayme said the following at 8:32 PM on Jun 9:

Come on ladies!!

Just because God loves me the way I am doesn't mean I should stay the way I am.

If yesterday's article hit a little close to home, ask yourself why. If you were personally offended, there's a reason.

Yes, it's possible to be grossly overweight and not have sinned. I just think it's sooo incredibly rare that it shouldn't really enter much into the discussion.

Ted's tone may have been insulting...but don't miss his point.

46. joshlynjill said the following at 8:36 PM on Jun 9:

Dear Craig,

Bitter, much?

You must have read that verse about speaking the truth in love (Eph. 4:15) and took it to heart…great work, man. Love how you encouraged others with such a Biblical response.

Sincerely,
A concerned, health conscious, fit sister in Christ,

Jill

47. Alpine Rose said the following at 9:02 PM on Jun 9:

I knew something had to be up when I noticed the number of comments Ted's post was garnering last night. :)

It's our choice.

48. kay said the following at 9:03 PM on Jun 9:

Regarding a comment by Kristina M (number 31):

49. bad jack said the following at 9:05 PM on Jun 9:

Anyone who thinks that being in their best shape has no effect on their dating prospects is living in denial.

I've been overweight and I've been buff.

Buff works better, I assure you.

50. Mrs. H said the following at 9:08 PM on Jun 9:

Craig M., that kind of mean-spirited sarcasm is rude, unhelpful and uncalled for.

51. Tamara said the following at 9:11 PM on Jun 9:

Thank you for bringing the discussion back to beautiful, strong, grace-filled truth, Candice. I can't say things better than you did, so I'm just going to say thanks.

Thanks again, Candice. The greatest of these is LOVE, and your post was filled with love and truth and evidence of His spirit. Well done.

52. Johnathan said the following at 9:14 PM on Jun 9:

Re: #9 Rose
“…let's limit ourselves to the New Testament…Christians accept that the New Testament represents a new covenant to supplant the old, and so we'll stick to that.”

53. Molly said the following at 9:34 PM on Jun 9:

Craig M. (#28):
Hey, you know what's REALLY not attractive? Your horrible attitude. I think most obese people probably have an easier time getting dates that someone so judgmental and self-righteous.

Also, side notes for anyone and everyone:

54. Laura said the following at 10:45 PM on Jun 9:

55. Nicole (from MA) said the following at 10:59 PM on Jun 9:

56. Mark W said the following at 11:20 PM on Jun 9:

I'm glad that Candice wrote this post. At the same time, obviously you have your reasons for doing so, but I do think it's a shame that you thought it was necessary to delete Ted's post.

57. Kathryn (Perth, Aust) said the following at 11:40 PM on Jun 9:

I second everything that Rose (#9) said.

58. Lisa said the following at 12:16 AM on Jun 10:

59. Eliana said the following at 2:12 AM on Jun 10:

I believe this Chesterton quote is fitting to the discussion... ;)

For fatness really is a valuable quality. While it creates admiration in the onlookers, it creates modesty in the possessor. If there is anything on which I differ from the monastic institutions of the past, it is that they sometimes sought to achieve humility by means of emaciation. It may be that the thin monks were holy, but I am sure it was the fat monks who were humble. Falstaff said that to be fat is not to be hated; but it certainly is to be laughed at, and that is a more wholesome experience for the soul of man.

60. Yuri said the following at 2:17 AM on Jun 10:

This is what I love about Boundless. The layer of grace and supernaturalness is so thin that you can easily see to other side of what is a purely pragmatic and social agenda.

This post simply puffs up the direct and curt idea that "If you are overweight, you will have trouble attracting mates. You must lose weight."

61. Craig M. said the following at 2:36 AM on Jun 10:

62. Sionel said the following at 4:45 AM on Jun 10:

63. Shawn said the following at 5:40 AM on Jun 10:

Hey Ted, does this mean the ladies at Boundless took you to the woodshed over the article you wrote? I noticed that I can't find it here anymore. Hell hath no fury like a fat lady scorned.

64. Priscilla said the following at 6:54 AM on Jun 10:

I just realised -- you deleted the Maybe you're fat post! Why?

65. melissa said the following at 7:30 AM on Jun 10:

thank you. i needed this today...

66. Ronnica said the following at 7:34 AM on Jun 10:

Thanks, Candice. I've tried to lose weight (with some success) and I've given up (more often). The truth is, that the mirror isn't much of a motivator to me...but God's glory *should* be.

Craig, and I'll be honest with you, your biting words are NOT attractive to ANY woman.

67. Tiffany said the following at 8:00 AM on Jun 10:

68. slc said the following at 8:22 AM on Jun 10:

"your sin is painfully visible."

why are people so quick to equate an excess weight problem with an excess sin problem?

just some food for thought.

69. Mykella said the following at 8:27 AM on Jun 10:

I'm glad to see this thread. Funny, I never saw any of the articles on losing weight by God until now!

70. MJ said the following at 8:29 AM on Jun 10:

"Your sin is painfully visible."

So what about the sin that isn't visable? Shouldn't that pain us as well? What is the difference?

71. BAC said the following at 8:38 AM on Jun 10:

As an overweight woman, I appreciate this post and what Candice is trying to convey in it. I am, also, not offended by the reference to 'my sin being painfully visible.'

72. RLynn said the following at 8:40 AM on Jun 10:

73. Robert said the following at 9:05 AM on Jun 10:

#31 Kristina M.

There are two kinds of depression;
one is a feeling of being down, some call it having the blues or being down in the dumps.

Clinical Depression can be treated with medication and counseling to put the patient back on track physically and emotionally. To categorize depression as "sin" is both ignorant and careless.

74. Katrece said the following at 9:08 AM on Jun 10:

75. Jeremiah (from Denver) said the following at 9:08 AM on Jun 10:

I bet there were lots of men (and some women) that were pleased that Boundless would publish something that was direct, a little mean, and plenty TOUGH. (Kind of like the real world).

As a man, I feel disenfranchised. Let Ted have his blog back!!!

76. Johnathan said the following at 9:09 AM on Jun 10:

77. RuthGoose said the following at 9:47 AM on Jun 10:

Should we try to look good for our OWN man. By all means...yes!!! But our ULTIMATE goal...MUST be GOD.

Let's encouraging one another toward God...rather than toward beauty. Did not beauty come from him??? Does his word not say seek first his kingdom and all these things would be added?

78. Tami said the following at 10:38 AM on Jun 10:

There is a middle ground between completely *blaming* a person for their condition, and completely *absolving* him or her because their condition has physical roots.

79. Alice in Wanderland said the following at 12:29 PM on Jun 10:

But giving up and giving God excuses, however valid they are, is not what he wants. Health problem? He is the great physician!! Tried everything? Try God!

80. Ender W. said the following at 12:36 PM on Jun 10:

Interestingly check out the proverbs 31 woman. She works out.
Prov. 31:17 She girds herself with strength And makes her arms strong.

81. Tami said the following at 1:19 PM on Jun 10:

82. Alex B. said the following at 1:30 PM on Jun 10:

#42 (Aliq):

Have I had a boyfriend? Yeah I have. Plenty. But they weren’t Christian. Christian men hate fat people. So Im single for now.

This may be harsh, but maybe part of why the Christian men don't show any interest is because you've had "plenty" of non-Christian boyfriends.

On the original post:

It is possible to overcome obesity. But the goal should never be to turn a head or even snag a mate. The ultimate goal and the one that has the power to change you, is God's glory.

83. Jo said the following at 1:30 PM on Jun 10:

Mark W, 56
"I'm glad that Candice wrote this post. At the same time, obviously you have your reasons for doing so, but I do think it's a shame that you thought it was necessary to delete Ted's post."

That said, it was obviously felt that Ted's post was best removed, and I appreciate his willingness to apologise.

84. Sarah P. said the following at 1:45 PM on Jun 10:

Ya know, America just can't be so full of thyroid issues as all that. Seems unlikely, doesn't it?

85. Craig M. said the following at 1:57 PM on Jun 10:

86. Anonymous said the following at 2:00 PM on Jun 10:

#46

"If yesterday's article hit a little close to home, ask yourself why. If you were personally offended, there's a reason."

87. David said the following at 2:01 PM on Jun 10:

To the people ranting against my advice, take this into consideration: God designed our bodies. There is a purpose to our body fat. It is there to give you ENERGY when you aren't eating.

To think that it's unhealthy to cut back on meals is just a MYTH that you are using to justify eating and munching on stuff all day and you still wonder why you are still overweight??

It's called denial, attempting to justify your snacking and overeating with bad science.

If you want proof, look up what insulin and glucagon do regarding fat formation and breakdown.

88. Sarah P. said the following at 2:36 PM on Jun 10:

Jo (#83) said: I do think this 'them and us' attitude between the genders here needs to be addressed properly, because it's getting really poisonous.

I absolutely agree. I am noticing this more and more. Men and women are each arguing the same things about the other sex. Not good.

Craig M. (#85) said: My fiancee is GREAT, and I haven't the tiniest bit of interest in whether any other women want to date me or find me attractive.

89. Brian in San Dimas said the following at 2:50 PM on Jun 10:

90. IMO said the following at 2:58 PM on Jun 10:

Craig M and all harsh-word advocaters:

Telling harsh truth comes easily for you, and myself included. It's almost too easy to be blunt, harsh, and rude in the delivery of the truth.

But we have to take God's Word seriously.

It's been mentioned before, but bears repeating:

Ephesians 4:15
Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.

And 4:14 that leads into 4:15 can be applied as well...

How about:
32 Be kind and compassionate to one another...
Why can't we apply this to this conversation?

Because it's easier to make antagonistic, sarcastic comments like in #28..
CRAIG, that's not the godly way to respond, even if it gets the point across!

91. IMO said the following at 3:12 PM on Jun 10:

92. Al said the following at 3:29 PM on Jun 10:

Jayme wrote,

Maybe Craig M was a little harsh, but he had to be. To balance out the women who took Candace's post as an endorsement to be overweight. Hard words produce soft hearts. (If you let them and if they're true.)

93. Marie said the following at 3:33 PM on Jun 10:

I thank God that Jesus' answer is not the answer of most people here... truth to the religious hypocrites, and grace to those who know where they don't measure up.

Until you have lived beaten, bruised, your skin used to put out someone's cigarettes, in the hospital with your third concussion that year....

Until you have been hated by the people God has given you to, for reasons only He knows...

Until you have lived day in and day out with a daddy for whom you can never measure up, not be pretty enough, smart enough...

The answer to the problem...?

94. H said the following at 3:38 PM on Jun 10:

95. Al said the following at 3:38 PM on Jun 10:

Yuri wrote,

This is what I love about Boundless. The layer of grace and supernaturalness is so thin that you can easily see to other side of what is a purely pragmatic and social agenda.

Um, that's a little... well, ungracious. Candice actually concluded on the supernatural ability of God to work beyond natural realities.

96. Al said the following at 3:45 PM on Jun 10:

Craig M,

By the way, I think Candice's original post was right on. Attractiveness and health have zero to do with the intrinsic worth of a person, and there is always the chance to improve ourselves through hard work and the development of discipline. But Grace isn't talking about intrinsic worth, she's talking about beauty--and she's saying the hard work isn't necessary. There should be no dispute that any seriously overweight person substantially improves his or her life--physically, spiritually, relationally, even professionally--by adopting healthy habits and losing the weight. Telling such people that change isn't necessary is not doing them a service.

97. Tami said the following at 3:51 PM on Jun 10:

Brian (89), believe me, I understand the spiritual side of depression.

98. Peter said the following at 4:21 PM on Jun 10:

Peter

99. Tacuache said the following at 4:41 PM on Jun 10:

Dear Overweight Women,

100. Craig M. said the following at 4:46 PM on Jun 10:

100

If you'd like to leave a comment, click here. I couldn't get the commenting feature to work correctly here, but it is available on that less user-friendly mobile version of the blog. Yeah, it's kludgy. Sorry. ~Ted.

Dear Overweight Woman
by Candice Watters on 06/09/2010 at 11:45 AM

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by Candice Watters on 06/09/2010 at 11:45 AM

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Dear Overweight Woman by Candice Watters on 06/09/2010 at 11:45 AM

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Dear Overweight Woman by Candice Watters on 06/09/2010 at 11:45 AM

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Dear Overweight Woman
by Candice Watters on 06/09/2010 at 11:45 AM

Dear Overweight Woman
by Candice Watters on 06/09/2010 at 11:45 AM