Loss
by Ted Slater on 04/01/2010 at 12:54 PM
Yesterday morning, I slipped our new videocamera into my jacket pocket and headed out the door with my wife and oldest daughter. We were going to the hospital to hear our 10-week-old baby's heartbeat for the first time, and I wanted to capture that exciting moment.
We arrived and checked in, and then were ushered to an examination room where we'd hear that heartbeat. The medical technician pressed the fetal doppler unit against my wife's belly and moved it around. My daughter moved to the side to get a closer look. We heard my wife's heart, pulsing slowly. We heard unknown swishes and gurgles. But that baby's heartbeat was elusive.
The technician moved us to another room, where our doctor would take a closer look using an ultrasound machine. Once again a medical device was pressed up against my wife's belly, this time not to listen, but to see. The doctor moved the monitor so that my wife could see better. My daughter sat on my lap, excited to see the tiny baby that was growing inside her mommy's belly, excited to get a peek at her new baby brother or sister.
"This doesn't look good," the doctor whispered.
The monitor showed an open space, which I interpreted as my wife's uterus. No spine, no little appendages. Just an open space.
Our doctor zoomed in. On the left side of the open space was a small clump, affixed to the uterine wall. He measured it at less than half an inch -- not the size you'd expect from a 10-week-old baby. Tears came to my wife's eyes. Her face flushed.
The doctor left and came back with two assistants. After another exam, the doctor confirmed with us that the baby had died, probably some time in early March. He assured us that it wasn't our fault, that sometimes this just happens.
I close my eyes and my imagination goes back a month. I see this tiny baby boy or girl, its tiny heart clicking away at 140 beats per minute. To the degree it's able, it's feeling secure, and loved. Then something goes terribly wrong. And our tiny baby with a full-grown spirit opens her eyes not her mommy's face, but her Savior's face.
When we got home from the hospital, my wife went upstairs to be alone and my daughter went to the back yard to play with her sisters. I walked to the family room, took the videocamera out of my pocket, and laid it gently on the counter.
1. Josh said the following at 1:14 PM on Apr 1:
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Tedd, I was saddened to read this post. As an expecting father myself I related to this on a very real level having just visited the doctor with my wife for an ultrasound at 8 weeks. This is a worry I've stressed about with my wife's previous 2 pregnancies and have ultimately come to a place of trusting in God's sovereignty. I will pray for you and your wife, that the peace of God will comfort you both.
2. JEO said the following at 1:14 PM on Apr 1:
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Ted,
I'm so sorry for your loss!! I'll certainly be praying for you and your family.
Thanks for sharing and allowing others to *try* to help bear your grief. I miscarried at 10 weeks in January. My husband and I hadn't told anyone we were expecting, so no one knew we were grieving. We've since told our families and a few friends, but we definitely missed out on comfort when we needed it most.
Thanks for "keeping it real" and reminding readers that life isn't perfect once you're married.
Tips:
- If you and your wife have decided to wait for "nature to take its course" - please be with her when it does; it's not fun.
- Tell your wife she's beautiful!! It's frustrating when your clothing no longer fits well and there's no bundle of joy to show for it.
Again, I'm so sorry!
3. Lydia said the following at 1:14 PM on Apr 1:
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Praying for you and your wife
4. chante said the following at 1:15 PM on Apr 1:
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Prayers for you & yours... and looking forward to that day when all tears will be wiped away!
5. Helen said the following at 1:17 PM on Apr 1:
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I'm so, so sorry to hear about this. I will pray for your family, for God's comfort, peace and presence to be with you all.
6. Ashley said the following at 1:21 PM on Apr 1:
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I'm so sorry for your loss.
7. Josh M said the following at 1:24 PM on Apr 1:
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I'm sorry Ted...
8. Ronnica said the following at 1:24 PM on Apr 1:
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Praying for you and your family, Ted.
9. Samantha said the following at 1:30 PM on Apr 1:
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Many people are praying for you and your family.
10. Mike Bush said the following at 1:31 PM on Apr 1:
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I am so sorry for the loss you have suffered. I will pray for your and your family. God is worthy of your trust at this time and I'm asking Him to wrap His arms around your family and to meet your needs.
In Him,
Mike Bush
VP - Inn Ministries
Word of Life Fellowship, Inc.
Schroon Lake, NY 12870
518.532.2285
www.wolinn.org
11. Naomi Elle said the following at 1:41 PM on Apr 1:
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My heart hurts for you in this loss. This pain is so deep. I pray that in the midst of it, you find comfort in the arms of Christ.
I haven't walked through this valley. But I've been walking through a very difficult one. I heard a preacher say "blessed be the storm that drives us to our knees" in a sermon about a month ago... When I started to walk through the valley of the shadow, the burdens were so heavy that I could barely breathe or speak. I went to prayer and then wrote this song. The recording quality is poor, but I pray that you are ministered to.
http://www.filefreak.com/files/135328_uobdp/Blessed%20Be%20the%20Storm.mp3
Praying for you to be comforted as only Christ can comfort.
12. Beth L. said the following at 1:46 PM on Apr 1:
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Ted- I am so sorry. My husband and I lost a baby at 8 weeks in Feb. So I know exactly what you are feeling. I will be praying for your family.
13. Al said the following at 1:47 PM on Apr 1:
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Ted, I don't have many words for this, but I'm sorry for your and your wife's loss.
14. JuliaClare said the following at 2:03 PM on Apr 1:
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Oh wow, as many have said, I am so sorry. I lost a younger sibling when I was 7 due to miscarriage and I still think about him or her every now and then. It is very painful for a family to go through, I will pray for you guys.
15. Jarod said the following at 2:09 PM on Apr 1:
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Deepest sympathies.
16. Lia said the following at 2:16 PM on Apr 1:
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I am very sorry for your loss.
17. IMO said the following at 2:23 PM on Apr 1:
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So sorry for your loss.
18. Maid Mirawyn said the following at 2:26 PM on Apr 1:
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My heart breaks for you. What do people do without faith in God to bring them through these times?
19. Jeremy Marks said the following at 2:34 PM on Apr 1:
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Ted,
Add me to the list of those who've lost a little one before we ever knew them. After struggling with infertility, undergoing treatments, and finally deciding to take a break to see where God was leading us, my wife and I conceived naturally last May. From the very first ultrasounds, we knew things weren't looking normal, but we held out hope that God would work a miracle. Unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be. Each week as we had the ultrasounds and so little or no growth, we started to prepare ourselves for the worst. In the end, we were not given an option to wait it out because of where the fetus had implanted. My wife had a D&C to protect her long term health on June 23rd. We often wonder what that little one would have been like, but hold on to the joy we have in knowing that they are with Jesus and never had to suffer in this world. I know that little can comfort you, and especially your wife, in this time. Still, have faith that God is still in control and has a perfect plan for your lives.
20. Em in WY said the following at 2:44 PM on Apr 1:
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Ted, thank you for sharing this. Thank you for letting us grieve with you and your wife - this is hard. Keeping you in my prayers -
Emily
21. Kristen in CA said the following at 2:57 PM on Apr 1:
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My heart breaks for your family, including the little one you have lost. As others have said, you and your family will be in my prayers.
22. Roberto Birch said the following at 3:01 PM on Apr 1:
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I'm sorry Ted...
23. Rebecca said the following at 3:02 PM on Apr 1:
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I'm so sorry for your loss. Your family will be in my prayers.
24. Susann said the following at 3:07 PM on Apr 1:
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Oh, Ted. . . I am so sorry.
I've lost a sibling to miscarriage, but I can only imagine the terrible hurt you must be going through right now.
I pray that God will hold you and your wife during this time.
25. Denise said the following at 3:12 PM on Apr 1:
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Dear Ted
so sorry for the loss in your family. Praying for you
26. Jaye Barnes said the following at 3:14 PM on Apr 1:
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Oh, Ted, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that this had to happen to you and your family. Please know that I'll be praying for you, and that I'll pray, too, that God will tuck you all into small parts of my day when I might otherwise forget to pray. I know that there will be healing for you in time, and comfort, too, but I'm just so sorry this had to be.
Bless you for sharing this. I can't imagine that it was easy.
27. Donna said the following at 3:18 PM on Apr 1:
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Ted, I just wanted to say I'm so sorry.
28. Jeannie said the following at 3:44 PM on Apr 1:
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I'm sorry, Ted. Praying for you and your family through this very tough time. My mom had eight miscarriages, and it's very hard. God's grace is all we can hold onto at times like this.
29. Jo said the following at 3:45 PM on Apr 1:
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Ted, I'm so sorry. :( Thank goodness we have a God who loves even tiny unborn babies.
30. Ruth said the following at 3:55 PM on Apr 1:
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Ted, I'm so sorry. Praying that you, Ashleigh and the rest of the family would know the life-giving comfort of our Lord Jesus who not only wept at His friends' graves but then died that we might never know the pain of eternal death.
31. Julie said the following at 4:03 PM on Apr 1:
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So sorry for the loss of this precious baby, Ted. :(
32. EKB said the following at 4:21 PM on Apr 1:
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Ted,
My heart sank when I started reading this post in light of the title. I'm so sorry for your family's tragic loss. I hope that you feel the love of God in your suffering in this season where we recall Christ's suffering for us, and that you may be reunited in heaven someday with your precious child. You are in my prayers.
33. *all*natural* said the following at 4:28 PM on Apr 1:
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I am so saddened to hear this news... I know the Lord will give you the peace and strength you need and desire to get through this time!
34. Randy said the following at 4:37 PM on Apr 1:
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::: tears ::: I am so sorry for your loss.
35. Glenise said the following at 5:30 PM on Apr 1:
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So sorry for your loss, Ted. I'm praying for you and your family.
36. Andrea-Elena said the following at 5:38 PM on Apr 1:
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Grieving with you, Ted. Please let Ashleigh know, when she's ready to hear it, that we love her and that our hearts are hurting for both of you, your kids, and your families.
Now it's not so odd that yesterday I was thinking of compiling a playlist of songs that addressed losing a child. (Coincidence, or God's timing?) These might not help at the moment, but when y'all are wanting to listen to them, they might provide some succor: "Glory Baby" (Watermark), "You Wouldn't Cry (Andrew's Song)" (Mandisa), and "I Will Carry You (Audrey's Song)" (Selah).
May you and Ashleigh be enabled to grieve together, to draw closer to God and closer to each other through this time.
37. TFA said the following at 5:44 PM on Apr 1:
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Oh, Ted, I'm so sorry for your loss. I pray that God will comfort you and your wife as you work through your pain.
38. Jac said the following at 6:12 PM on Apr 1:
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I'm so sorry, Ted. I'm praying for you and your family... God bless you guys, bring you comfort, peace, and healing.
39. Joyce said the following at 6:35 PM on Apr 1:
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ted, and family, i'm so sorry for your loss at this time. i've been on that path several times, and it's never easy. praying you will know God's peace and comfort over the next days, weeks, months, years. the last three babies we lost we gave names to, so we could remember them more easily. it's something you and your wife might want to consider doing, but it certainly isn't necessary. it helped us, because by then our older children understood what was happening, and it helped make the loss more 'bearable' for them to have a name associated with the baby. we didn't know if our babies were girls or boys, but we just chose names we liked (in our case, since all our living children are girls, we chose female names for our babies. some people choose a name that could be for either gender). maybe you want to plant a tree or bush outside to help mark the significance of this precious little life, now with Jesus.
40. Lucie said the following at 7:03 PM on Apr 1:
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Ted, there are simply no words that I can offer that would really be adequate in this situation, but I wanted to express my heartfelt and sincerest condolences to you and Ashleigh. We know that even this tiniest life had an immortal soul. And while I have never been pregnant or lost a child, I still - even in the midst of your grief - congratulate you on having harbored a life and an immortal soul, if only for a short while, for it is a gift and an immeasurable honor. God has your little one safe; may He hold you too at this time.
41. Anderson said the following at 7:09 PM on Apr 1:
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Praying for you and your family, Ted...
42. Ali Rach said the following at 7:21 PM on Apr 1:
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I'm so sorry, Ted... Words really cannot convey the pain you and your wife must be experiencing... You have many praying for you. May you be surrounded by good friends and devoted Christians to help you in this difficult time. Rely on God and trust in His goodness, even when bad things happen. May this bring you and your wife closer together as you both lean on God.
43. Dei said the following at 7:35 PM on Apr 1:
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My condolences, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss...
44. Rachel said the following at 7:39 PM on Apr 1:
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Ted, I'm praying for you and your family - for you, in a world that understands mothers mourning loss, but doesn't always know what to do with grieving fathers; for Ashleigh, whose womb and heart together share the pain; and for your daughters, who will each feel the emptiness of a missing sibling in different ways. May God's abundant grace cover you all as you walk through this season.
Thank you for your openness in sharing with so many.
45. Josh said the following at 8:13 PM on Apr 1:
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so sorry, Ted...
46. Kellie said the following at 8:23 PM on Apr 1:
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Sorry for your loss.
47. Sean said the following at 8:31 PM on Apr 1:
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I am sorry about your family's loss Ted.My mother lost a child this way about 6 years ago.You are all in my prayers.
48. Emily said the following at 8:44 PM on Apr 1:
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I know I can't say anything that will make it better, but please know that you & your family are in my prayers. I am so sorry.
49. Princess said the following at 8:46 PM on Apr 1:
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Ted, I´m sorry for your loss.
I am praying with you and for you and your family.
50. DannieA said the following at 9:08 PM on Apr 1:
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I'm very sorry....
51. Caroline said the following at 9:21 PM on Apr 1:
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I'm sorry for your loss, Ted. I was very moved by this post in the newsletter today. I will be praying for y'all.
52. Tracy M. said the following at 10:25 PM on Apr 1:
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Ted,
Your transparency at this vulnerable and painful time in your life reflects the passion you have to help others thru your own experiences. My 2 precious little ones are looking into the Savior's eyes as well - Alexander David and Bethany Raegan Monteith. I appreciate your openness and will be persistently praying for peace and comfort for you and your beautiful wife. God bless.
53. Kay said the following at 10:30 PM on Apr 1:
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Ted, thank you for the openess to share this deep loss with all of us. We're praying for you and your whole family. May you find peace and comfort in the Lord.
54. Lauren T. said the following at 10:44 PM on Apr 1:
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I've lost five siblings. Four to miscarriage, one to a genetic disorder at three months.
The hardest part was the day we were supposed to hear my brother Joseph's heartbeat the first time. The sinking feeling of not hearing anything and knowing the baby is dead is incomparable. I can feel it again reading your post. The same feeling I had eight years later when we had a really, really bad ultrasound with my youngest brother. It's so strange how it takes a while to believe a bad thing has happened and there's nothing you can do to fix it or make it better.
And these aren't even my babies.
I'm so sorry you won't be able to hold your little one. My love and prayers to you and Ashleigh and your girls.
55. Andrew said the following at 10:46 PM on Apr 1:
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what cruel god would let this happen to good people like you and your wife? How can you worship a god that allows senseless suffering?
56. Shelley said the following at 11:25 PM on Apr 1:
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Ted and Family-
Thank you for your vulnerability--your realness. Your sharing in the mist of this loss caused me to stop. To think. To slow down. To pray.
57. SaraL said the following at 11:41 PM on Apr 1:
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You and your family is in my prayers.
58. Ro said the following at 12:10 AM on Apr 2:
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Heartbreaking. So sorry to hear about your and your wife's loss.
59. Kate said the following at 4:10 AM on Apr 2:
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I'm so very sorry to read this, Ted. Nearly a year ago my husband and I experienced a very similar situation-- losing a baby at the end of the first trimester after seeing her precious heartbeat. Reading your post brings the tears anew because the grief of losing a little one is deep and real. I'm so very sorry and am asking God to comfort and bless your family this Easter weekend.
One day "... [God] will create new heavens and a new earth... NEVER AGAIN will there be in it an infant who lives but a few days..." Man, I'm looking forward to it.
60. Cat said the following at 4:29 AM on Apr 2:
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May you walk with God through this tragedy. I am so sorry for your loss.
61. MrsLarijani said the following at 4:45 AM on Apr 2:
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Here are some more condolences. I look forward to hearing more about God's faithfulness as He brings you and your family out of this season of mourning.
Ashleigh especially.
62. Kathryn Janssen said the following at 6:08 AM on Apr 2:
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I'm so sorry for your loss Ted.
May her memory be eternal.
63. Heather said the following at 6:16 AM on Apr 2:
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So sorry! I will be praying for you and your family.
64. Dan Gill said the following at 7:18 AM on Apr 2:
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My deepest condolences, Ted. My prayers go up for your family.
65. Kimberly Eddy said the following at 8:01 AM on Apr 2:
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Ted and Ashleigh, I am so very sorry for your loss. We will be lifting you and your family up in our prayers.
66. Ted Slater said the following at 8:14 AM on Apr 2:
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Andrew (#55), you wrote:
"what cruel god would let this happen to good people like you and your wife? How can you worship a god that allows senseless suffering?"
Before I address your questions, I want to ask our other commenters to respond graciously to what you've asked. I chose to publish your comment, even though you seem to have meant it to be hurtful. I published it because I think that it brings up some valid concerns, common questions that have been asked for thousands of years.
Why is there death and suffering? Why is there evil? How is it that we are able to discern that suffering and evil are somehow "wrong"?
First, you shouldn't consider me "good." I have a sense of what "good" looks like, and though I'm fairly civilized, I've done enough bad things in my life (indeed, enough bad things this week) to know that I'm not at my core "good." I'm bent toward doing just the opposite of "good." I know my heart, and it's not all that bright and cheery and philanthropic.
So (and sorry for the tired phraseology) I think the better question is this: "Why do GOOD things happen to BAD people like me?"
You use the term "cruel" to describe God. I don't see Him so much as "cruel," but as just and holy. To someone like me who is not holy, His justice may seem cruel.
You use the term "senseless" to describe God's actions toward us. I don't see them so much as "senseless," but as beyond my understanding. I'm not surprised that the Creator's ways are beyond my understanding.
I challenge you, my friend, to ponder Jesus' death on the cross. That one event is the most perplexing, mysterious, terrible, wonderful, shameful, glorious thing this world has ever seen. We see cruelty, but we see kindness. We see injustice, but also justice and mercy. We see sin, but we see forgiveness. We see foolishness, but we see the wisdom of God. I challenge you, Andrew, to withhold cynicism and meditate on what God has done through the crucifixion of Jesus.
Andrew, I'm not going to change your mind in one comment. I did want to address a couple of the things that you said, and I do want to affirm that over the years I've experienced the kind blessing of the Lord, and come to appreciate relationship with Him. Even during this difficult time, I see His providential hand working and comforting. My faith in the Lord is not built on sand, but on something firm that's been built up over decades. Death and suffering are part of humanity's common experience; I'm not *surprised* that, like everyone else in the world, my family has been touched by death and suffering. I'm not surprised, and I'm not shaken.
I pray that you continue to wrestle with the goodness of God.
67. Lia said the following at 8:28 AM on Apr 2:
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I am so sorry for your loss, Ted.
68. Amy said the following at 8:32 AM on Apr 2:
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Ted, I am so so sorry for your loss. You and your wife will be in my thoughts and prayers.
I too just had a miscarriage about 6 weeks ago. It is truly heartbreaking. We have been trying to conceive our 1st child for almost 3 years. Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us. Sometimes I feel so alone in my sadness because miscarriage and infertility are tragedies that nobody talks about.
69. Dana said the following at 8:53 AM on Apr 2:
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I am so sorry for your loss. I will pray that God gives you and your family the comfort you need at this time.
70. Sarah said the following at 9:10 AM on Apr 2:
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Sorry to hear your sad news... Tears came as I read this post. I have just supported two of my dearest friends, one through miscarriage and one through the still birth of her baby girl.... Praying for you and your family
71. IMO said the following at 9:10 AM on Apr 2:
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#55 Even in the blog world, there's a place and time to bring up stuff like that up. This post is not one of those times.
Think for one minute: What if one of your closest friends/or family member just had just suffered something? Would you comfort them? Or would you confront them and demand answers about why their "god" did this to them? Seriously, think about it.
72. Melissa B said the following at 10:18 AM on Apr 2:
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So sorry for your and your family's loss. May the Father of mercies and God of all comfort wrap His loving arms around you as you grieve.
73. Leon said the following at 11:09 AM on Apr 2:
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Ted...well said on post #66. We too know the pain and have processed and continue to process the pain of past miscarriages. Life is precious at every stage, and no matter the number of days from start to finish. And death is painful no matter the length of the dash. Praying for you all.
74. Nelima said the following at 11:26 AM on Apr 2:
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Ted and Ashleigh, I'm so sorry for your loss.
In response to Andrew #55, I don't know the answer to why God allows pain and suffering. I do know what the answer is not: It's not that He doesn't care. In Jesus Christ, he took on humanity and endured excruciating suffering (exactly what we Christians are commemorating this weekend).
God isn't aloof, unmoved or powerless.
Through Christ's suffering, death and resurrection, one day evil, sin, sickness, suffering and death shall be obliterated. Until then, we can only trust in His goodness.
75. Z.D. said the following at 11:28 AM on Apr 2:
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Mr. Slater,
I see that my previous comment didn't get posted. I'm very, truly sorry if I said anything which you found hurtful! I had absolutely no intention of doing so. I merely wanted tell you that while never having been in your position, I understand loss and that your family can look forward to seeing your child again. I wanted to come across as encouraging, not callous. Had I thought my comment would cause pain, I would never have sent it in for posting...
Remorsefully yours,
Z.D.
76. Sarah said the following at 11:59 AM on Apr 2:
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Ted, your response (#66) to Andrew was beautiful.
May the Lord bless you for your unwavering faith in the middle of this loss. I pray that the God of hope will fill you and your family with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13)
77. Joy V. said the following at 12:39 PM on Apr 2:
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I'm so sorry for your loss, Ted. My husband and I lost our first baby just a few months ago, and we found out pretty much the same way.
I couldn't understand why God had allowed our baby to die, and I still don't. I could only thank God for the blessing He had given us for that short time, and remember that "The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD."
I'm praying for you and Ashleigh.
78. Chris Krycho said the following at 12:45 PM on Apr 2:
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Ted, I was saddened by your post but blessed by your transparency... but deeply impressed and humbled by your blog comment above. Thank you for walking with God through this in a way that models his goodness and grace, despite your own pain. Praying for you and your family. I do not, cannot, comprehend where you are, but I know that our great and merciful God is there with you, has felt the pain of searing loss with you.
79. John & Sabrina Volk said the following at 1:06 PM on Apr 2:
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Dear Ted and Ashleigh,
Our condolences are with you. Please consider naming your loving child a unisex name. That way you will always remember your baby. You may even want to consider a small funeral and a cremation chamber for your baby. This is your baby whether the baby was born or not. Someday when Jesus Christ comes back to earth you will be reunited with your baby. May God Bless You!
80. Alicia said the following at 1:44 PM on Apr 2:
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Ted- I'm so sorry for your loss. I recently went through a miscarriage myself, and I know just how deep the pain can be.
In response to the issue of God's goodness when we have pain...
My own miscarriage has certainly made me wrestle with this question. I belive wholeheartedly that nothing that happens it outside of God's control. Which means God could have stopped my miscarriage. So why did He allow it to happen?
While my own personal circumstances may allow me to conclude that God is not "good" to me at this point, when I open my bible I find nothing to back up my own experience. The bible is filled with story upon story of the goodness of God. In fact, he is so good, that he sacrificed his own Son, who is essentially God in flesh, to save me from death. Therefore, I must conclude, that despite what my circumstances seem to be, there is something that is outside of my ability to see, and that ultimately, God is working for my good. I will continue to feel the pain of this loss as long as I am here on earth, but I have no doubt in my mind that when I meet God face to face, all of that pain will be wiped away, and I will finally truly understand the whole of his goodness.
81. I. M. Redeemed said the following at 1:58 PM on Apr 2:
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Ted, Although there is nothing I can say that hasn't already been posted, please know that I am praying for you and your family - May God be with you, Amy
82. Renee said the following at 3:53 PM on Apr 2:
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Thanks Ted for sharing this with us. I don't know why I feel like that, but thanks.
83. Jo said the following at 4:17 PM on Apr 2:
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Ted, #66: bravo.
84. W McKibben said the following at 5:12 PM on Apr 2:
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On this Good Friday...may the Lord of Suffering hold you and your wife in His loving arms. Know that you are loved and that along your personal Via Dolorosa walks a man who also knows pain and suffering. He is also the ressurection and life. May your brokenness be turned to wholeness by this One who is faithful and true.
85. Becky Castle Miller said the following at 5:51 PM on Apr 2:
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Grieving with you and your wife over the death of your child.
86. Ruthie W said the following at 6:37 PM on Apr 2:
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I'm so sorry Ted.
A few months ago I wouldn't have posted, feeling that you didn't want to hear from me at a time like this. However in February I suffered a loss of sorts and I can remember feeling so hopeless that encouragements from friends and family were held more dearly then I ever thought they could be.
I just want to tell you that I, and evidently the whole Boundless community, are mourning with you as your brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus.
Thank you for the witness that you are to us, even in the midst of hardship.
May our God bless you and your family and through this and every situation draw you all closer and closer to His heart.
87. anne said the following at 7:13 PM on Apr 2:
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Ted.
AMEN to your response to Andrew. I agree wholeheartily. Know that I am praying for you, Ashand your girls.
in him,
Anne
88. Anonymous said the following at 8:04 PM on Apr 2:
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May God hold you all close to Him in this time... and may you be comforted by the fact that one day you, Ashleigh and the kids will be reunited with this precious baby.
My prayers are with you.
89. Anna said the following at 8:10 PM on Apr 2:
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Ted,
To read your story, makes my heart hurt for you. I am glad that you are a son of God and have Him to hold on to. I pray that He would carry you through this experience. I am deeply sorry for your loss.
Andrew: God doesn't promise us a life without sorrow, but He does promise to be there and carry us through when it comes.
90. Ted Slater said the following at 8:46 PM on Apr 2:
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My wife and I have just returned home from the hospital to deliver Noah, our baby who died in Ashleigh's womb some 4 weeks ago. God has not changed: He is still good and gracious, and we love Him more deeply and authentically today than we did yesterday.
Ashleigh and I thank all y'all who prayed with us during this difficult day. Through this very difficult day we sensed the Lord's security and compassion and wisdom and peace.
May He help us make the most of this suffering for His glory. May we drink deep, as Jesus drank deep of the cup of suffering on the day of His crucifixion so many years ago.
Maybe the Lord brings His people through difficulties in part so that we can demonstrate to non-believers that the Lord brings His people through difficulties. But I don't know. His ways are beyond mine, and I'm fine with that. I don't need to understand the reasons my Lord does the things He does.
Speaking of Noah (which is both a feminine and masculine name, by the way), Noah of old wasn't delivered *from* the flood; the Lord brought him *through* the flood. The Lord accompanies us through ...
91. Jamie said the following at 9:19 PM on Apr 2:
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You and your wife have been in my prayers since I first read your post. My heart breaks for you.I pray that God will hold you close to him during this difficult time.
Grace and Peace, Jamie
92. Stephen said the following at 9:54 PM on Apr 2:
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I'm so humbled by your attitude, Ted, and your response to ones who would criticise you for continuing to worship and serve God amongst pain and tremendous sadness.
Thank you for so transparently sharing about this, and I pray God's love will be abundantly real to you throughout this time.
And again, to reiterate what I said before, your attitude is a huge encouragement, and your testimony extremely moving.
93. Shauna said the following at 9:54 PM on Apr 2:
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I cant imagine how hard this must be for you. I'm praying for you both.
94. Tamara said the following at 10:08 PM on Apr 2:
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I am crying writing this--I am so sorry for your loss, and since I know I can't possibly say anything to make it better, I pray that God overwhelms you with his comfort like only He can.
Happy Birthday, Noah! We're jealous you spent it with Jesus.
95. Tami said the following at 10:50 PM on Apr 2:
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On this day when we mourn our Savior's death, we mourn with the Slater family at the loss of their child.
I experienced a loss at this time last year as well (not a miscarriage, but a significant loss). May the Lord be with you and carry you through, as He has with me.
96. joshlynjill said the following at 12:01 AM on Apr 3:
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Ted, I am truly sorry about your loss. I know your Noah is in the presence of our dear Lord, as is my 46 year old dad. He passed away in January after a 4 year battle with a rare blood cancer. I liked what you said about not needing to understand the reasons why the Lord does the things He does. As we read the book of Job we see the hows and whys of God working in Job's life, but the Lord never explains to Job why he went through so much suffering. For now, I must simply trust in Him and know someday I'll understand these things in full. Thank you for your openness about your heartbreak. I will pray for you and your wife in the days ahead.
97. Eliana said the following at 2:28 AM on Apr 3:
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Sending prayers to comfort you and your family after the loss of your child.
98. Paula said the following at 3:42 AM on Apr 3:
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"...Our tiny baby with a full-grown spirit opens her eyes not [to] her mommy's face, but her Savior's face."
Beautiful, moving words, and a tribute to Noah, whom I am so, so sorry you will not yet meet.
Praise God, Noah's short life here has mattered - to you and Ashleigh and your daughters, and to those with whom you have shared your joy and grief. To quote Angie Smith, your baby has had "weight in this world".
99. Tehilah said the following at 7:03 AM on Apr 3:
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Ted and family, So sorry to hear of the loss of your little one. I work in Prolife and know the value of each little one. Praying God cushions your heart as you pass through this veil of tears.
100. Lorraine said the following at 7:09 AM on Apr 3:
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Ted,
The same thing happened to my family last July. My mother had a surprise pregnancy and just as suddenly as it was discovered, the baby was suddenly gone. It will be hard, for a very long time. We want to cling to some kind of truth that really comforts us---but the only comforting truth is that God is still sovereign and we have to grieveingly trust Him.
The miscarriage was very hard on my mom. She said she didn't want another baby, it was just that she was grieving for that baby. The insane emotions are very hard to deal with sometimes, because no one feels the pain like the mother. I hope and pray that your church rallies around you like ours did. Talk about sharing the sorrow--even on Sunday mornings. I'd also suggest John Piper's article "Don't Waste Your Cancer". It really helped my mom.
I am so sorry for your loss.