Ever Had a Pastor "Mess You Up"?

I smiled when I read this blog over at Stuff Christians Like titled "Pastors who mess you up." In this context "mess you up" means rightly dividing God's Word or imparting some truth in a way that changes your whole life.

From SCL:

I ran into a friend a few months ago. We hadn’t seen each other in a while so we did the mandatory “life summary” catch up conversation. In the midst of that, she all too casually mentioned, “My husband and I have decided to become foster parents.”

What? That’s a big deal, that’s no small thing. And when I asked her about how they came to that decision, she was quick to give me a two word answer:

“Francis Chan.”

She and her husband had read Francis Chan’s book, Crazy Love, and in her words, it “really messed her up.” And that’s true, a number of my friends have been messed up by that book. It’s no casual read. It’s a challenge and a conviction that is difficult to deny. But talking with her, I started to think about other ways pastors mess you up. Because the good ones do. They tend to snow globe shake your comfortable little world with God’s truth.

It's been true in my life. From getting married to starting a family to adopting, it was a faithful pastor who said something to "mess me up" at each decision point that affected my trajectory. Here's a brief summary of how:

Getting Married

After dating my wife for eight months with no clear direction, Senate Chaplain Dr. Lloyd Ogilvie told me I needed to "Fish or cut bait." I asked Beth to marry me three weeks later.

Starting a Family

My wife and I wanted stability before starting a family. But Dr. Mark Dever said he's counseling too many childless couples who "waited" and told us to "never put off life." We threw away the pill and my wife of five months got pregnant within five weeks.

Adopting

After waiting for two years to adopt a baby from China, we were presented an opportunity to take a sibling set of four from Ethiopia. John Piper's book Don't Waste Your Life kept creeping into our thoughts as we prayed about it. Eight months later, we flew to Ethiopia to bring all four home.

What about you? Have you ever had a pastor mess you up?

Comments

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1. Laura said the following at 3:45 PM on Mar 3:

Haha... my pastors mess me up all the time. They're bold preachers of the word, and hardly a week goes by that I don't squirm in my seat a little!

This last week one of my pastors messed everybody up, I think -- we sometimes get a little "too cool for school" when it comes to the singing part of our worship gatherings. The message was on Psalm 150 and was the very last in a 14-month series on the Old Testament, and just hearing about how God's people are instructed to worship Him -- not just with their mouths but with their hands, and with their whole bodies -- people just kind of got over themselves and responded to God with more joy than I've seen among us in a long time.

It was such a cool thing to get to take a little peek into how God's people will worship him together around his throne.

2. Texas Craig said the following at 3:47 PM on Mar 3:

My life got messed up initially by Shane Claiborne's book "Irresistible Revolution." Although I did not agree with all of his points, I was challenged by much of it, and God used it to change me.

More recently, Francis Chan continues to mess up my world. :-) I listen to his sermons a lot, and was deeply impacted by seeing him (and others) recently at the Verge 2010 Conference.

It may be painful, but it is most excellent when God uses people to shake us out of our complacency!

3. Tami said the following at 4:01 PM on Mar 3:

I wish I could get "messed up" more, in this positive sense! I'd really *like* to get "messed up". I think it would be refreshing.

I'm attending a small group through another church's young adult ministry. I really hoped the content would "mess me up" in a big, meaningful, save-the-world way but so far, no dice. Instead I get convicted about how to treat *one particular individual*. So God is messing me up, even if the study isn't. :)

As a side note, I heard Francis Chan on the radio last week and thought he was super cool. Not surprised his words have "messed up" some folks.

4. Katy said the following at 9:20 PM on Mar 3:

I love SCL! I think y'all should interview Jon Acuff on the podcast. :)

5. Renee said the following at 10:49 PM on Mar 3:

I had a christian leader mess me up. And it wasn't in the good way.

6. BDB said the following at 12:03 AM on Mar 4:

Ah yes...at a seminary graduation where the chancellor took very seriously the charge to the graduates, many of whom would be going into some kind of ministry. The most memorable part was:

"You can do things your way, or God's way. If you try to do them your way, it might work for a while. But ultimately what endures will be what you do God's way."

7. Tara (not the other Tara) said the following at 6:19 AM on Mar 4:

Yes....I married one! :) After vowing I'd NEVER marry a pastor. I'm learning that this is what God had for me all along but yeah...it's "messing" me up. Of course, it's not really the pastor messing you up but Jesus speaking through him/her. I find Jesus inspires that sort of reaction in people. I believe Shane Claiborne has been quoted as saying something similar.

8. EM said the following at 7:34 AM on Mar 4:

Amazing, Motte. Thank God for pastors and faithful brothers and sisters who are willing to mess with our preconceived categories for the sake of eternity. May we be humble enough to receive life-changing counsel.

Thank you for modeling that and encouraging us to live missionally.

9. DannieA said the following at 8:06 AM on Mar 4:

call me cautious, but I don't get "messed up" by mere people. The Bible will mess me up, but I will listen to dynamic speakers...and yes they are dynamic, but I don't immediately get swayed, I think about it and compare it to the Bible and then if there is something to it, explore further....if I find that it's a little 'sensational' then I dismiss it with a grain of salt and continue studying the Bible.

10. LeeLee said the following at 8:25 AM on Mar 4:

I think my problem right now is that I'm not getting messed up enough by my pastor. My small group has kind of fallen apart, and my current pastor is for lack of a better word, boring. So I definitely have some things to consider in the near future.

11. Drew said the following at 8:59 AM on Mar 4:

Jamie Winship messed me up recently. You can listen to a retreat he taught about a quarter of the way down the page here:
http://www.restonbible.org/podcast.xml
The titles of the talks all being with TRUST on the page I linked to.

12. Alex said the following at 10:05 AM on Mar 4:

My pastor messed me up a few years ago when I was dating a guy who told me he believed in God but over the course of a month or two it became very apparent he didn't know Jesus. I liked this man a lot and was excited about where the relationship was going, but it nagged at me to no end that he didn't seem interested in biblical Christianity at all.

All my friends (even the Christian ones) were encouraging, saying that I was a great influence in this man's life and I was sure to love him right to the Lord. I had a friend tell me that God told her to tell me I should have patience and stick with this man, because he might change. Everyone told me exactly what I wanted to hear, but I grew increasingly uncomfortable. I wanted someone to echo the holy spirit and not the desires of my flesh.

So I booked a counseling session with my pastor. I'm very intimidated by my pastor, despite the fact that he is an incredibly humble, kind man of God. He's just SUCH a straight-shooter, older man and he kind of freaks me out. So I reasoned he would be the perfect candidate to tell me what God would have me hear, even though I almost wet my pants before going into his office.

I told him my story and he listened without saying anything until I was finished. Then he told me many stories of women he had known and counseled who had been in the same boat as me, and what had happened to them. He said that once in a while it works out and it's great--the man comes to know Christ and a wonderful marriage happens. But he said he has only ever seen that once or twice. He said in the vast majority of cases, the women end up very unhappy. Worse, if the couple has children, the children often do not grow up to know God, because many times children follow in the faith of their mother in childhood, but in adulthood often follow their fathers.

I started crying and said, but what if this is my last chance at marriage? And he laughed and said, it won't be your last chance. Don't worry about that.

He really didn't say that much at all. And when I left his office, I was MAD! Really mad. I argued internally with everything he had told me. I considered changing churches. How does he know what my future children will do??

When I woke up the next morning, I realized that what he was trying to tell me was that marriage affects an entire community, including people who aren't even born yet. You can't just go into marriage with your own agenda. You have to think of the consequences to everyone involved. So I called the guy up, met with him, and broke up with him. This made him all kinds of furious. But I stuck to my guns. . .even if it was my "last chance" (that was two years ago, and I haven't had a boyfriend since).

Every now and again I run into that guy, and I don't regret my decision at all. He isn't doing well, and he is still completely uninterested in following Jesus, although once in a while he'll write me an email asking me to explain my faith again. I pray that he will come to know Christ, but I now know it isn't my job to make that happen.

I'm so grateful to that pastor for being the only person with the guts to tell me the truth! He still freaks me out, but I like that about him.

13. Louise from Chicago said the following at 10:28 AM on Mar 4:

Re advice "messing one up"...whether or not to follow someone's advice is entirely up to the individual and as such, the consequences of taking someone's advice are the responsibility of the advice taker NOT the advice giver!

And...it has been my experience that considering another person's point of view before deciding on a course of action is extremely beneficial.

Mr. Brown, if you feel following your pastors' advice has benefitted your own life, good for you.

Re comment 12 and the concept of children following the faith of the mother in childhood but the faith of the father in adulthood...I found this to be most interesting since that was exactly my own personal experience.

14. Tami said the following at 10:36 AM on Mar 4:

Alex (12) - Praise God for your straight-shootin' pastor :) What he shared was very helpful; thanks for posting your comment. I will pray for your ex.

15. Brad said the following at 3:49 PM on Mar 4:

Mark Driscoll preaching on Biblical Manhood is guaranteed to mess up any man who is wallowing in (or has any hint of) passivity. For those of us who know it is in our lives and are fighting against it, it is like a Knute Rockne locker room pep talk.

16. Tamara (from Canada) said the following at 3:59 PM on Mar 4:

Definitely . . . pretty recently too. I signed up for a women's Bible study at my church. When they split us up into toble groups we would sit with each week to discuss the week's study I was a little unnerved to discover that the discussion facilitator for my table was the women's pastor at my church. In the course of the last few months, there have been many times when she has asked a question in discussion or said something that "messed me up". It's been good for me.

17. MegH said the following at 5:33 PM on Mar 4:

I.love.this.post! It's a beautiful reminder that God is sovereign and that He does provide our daily bread! Oh the joys of abiding in Him and living fully for Him!

18. Ashley said the following at 5:42 PM on Mar 4:

Paul Washer messed me up big time. BIG TIME. I've never been the same since I heard his "shocking message".

19. George said the following at 8:37 AM on Mar 5:

I had a pastor mess me up but not in a good way. When I was younger I like many young men wished to find someone to marry. I was really struggling with how to go about this and how to get a girlfriend etc. It was so hard to deal with the rejection I often encountered. One particular girl who went to our church's single group really hurt me by totally rejecting me wanting to have nothing to do with me etc. That was really hard to deal with so I met with the Pastor to talk about it. The thing i remember the most about it was that he told me men and women can't be friends. Thats how he messed me up.

20. meryl said the following at 10:38 AM on Mar 5:

God chasers by Tommy Tenney.
Powerful. That He would put the desire in me to seek not just the hands of the giver but rather His face.
To be like Moses, who even after seeing His back still wanted more.
To be like David who was a man after God's very own heart. WOW!...and if we chase Him hard enough, we may just catch Him.

21. Texas Craig said the following at 10:52 AM on Mar 5:

George:

Thanks for sharing on here. While I think it can be done, I think it is very difficult for men and women to be just friends. And, if they are both married, it is even more difficult. It is the exceptional man or woman that can keep their feelings from turning romantic in a friendship and still keep the friendship close over time.

But, of course, it depends on what you consider "friends." If you use a very casual definition of the word (namely, many casual acquaintances would be considered "friends"), then perhaps it is not an issue. But, if you have only a smaller group of true friends, it is very difficult to have those be of a different gender than you.

That's just my $.02.