Rising from the Valley of Death
by Heather Koerner on 11/05/2009 at 8:25 AM
That's the title of a recent interview of Steven Curtis Chapman in Christianity Today by Mark Moring.
In it, Chapman talks about the death of his 5-year-old daughter, Maria Sue (a year and a half ago), his grief and the challenges to his faith, and how those have affected the music on his latest album, Beauty Will Rise.
Here's an excerpt from that interview:
That has been an important process, the whole thing of taking every thought captive and saying, God, this is what I choose to believe. Because I've found myself, especially in the first few days and weeks after Maria went to heaven -- and there's still moments of this -- that I could almost feel myself being sucked into this black hole of doubt and despair. Of saying, "God, if I let myself keep going in this direction, there seems to be no bottom, no end to this, and I'll never be able to escape from it."
At the hospital at Vanderbilt, literally within an hour of knowing that my little girl was in heaven with Jesus, I found myself having to make a choice, when I would start to feel myself and everything in me being sucked into this place, this abyss. I would begin to say, "Blessed be the name of the Lord. You give. You take away. But, God, I trust you. I trust you. You are faithful. You are good. I trust you. I trust you." And as I would say that, literally just choose to make that declaration in the midst of this, I would almost physically feel myself being pulled back from that place. And I'd start to breathe again.
But it wouldn't be long before I would go, "But, God, what? How could this happen? How are we ever going to survive?" And it's like here I go back into that black, dark place.
[Interviewer]:But there was a grace to even recognize that you were falling into that place.
Yes. That is the grace and the gift of God to be able, in that process, to make that choice. That's the crazy theology of all that—to even be able to make that choice to say, "God, I trust you," that is a gift of grace. But we're making that choice over and over again.
I was struck by how similar Chapman's words were to Angie Smith's. Angie is a mom, wife of a Christian musician, former Boundless podcast guest, and blogger who has written extensively about the death of her newborn daughter. Here, she writes about the moments immediately following an ultrasound that revealed her in utero daughter had multiple lethal conditions:
Todd went to get his mother in the waiting room, and the kind Belgian man asked me what I was thinking. I don't know where these words came from (actually I do), and I said, "I think that my Jesus is the same as He was before I walked into this room." He stared at me, not comprehending, but possibly relieved that whatever these silly notions were in my mind, at least they were keeping me calm until he could get out of harm's way. As my mother-in-law came in, I kept repeating, "He's no different, it's okay, He's no different..."
To the world, I imagine that such experiences seem foolishness. Look at those Christians, trying to convince themselves in their most vulnerable moments that there is a benevolent God who cares about them.
But as I read Chapman's interview, I thought about how he wasn't necessarily trying to convince himself that God is good. Rather, he was reminding himself.
Like the day I was driving in a blinding snowstorm from my office in Colorado Springs to my home in Denver. A driver pulled a u-turn in the middle of the highway, right in front of me, so I found myself with brakes locked up, headed straight for a deep ravine.
Turn into the slide, Heather. Turn into it.
No, my panic fought, don't do it! You'll end up wrecked in that ravine!
Heather, remember. Remember. You have to turn into it.
And I did turn into the slide. And I did gain control of the car at the last minute. And I did survive. Because I reminded myself of the truth. Despite what my mind, emotions and panic were telling me. The truth was going to save me.
I think it's the same with us. There will come, or may have already come, times that will push us to the very edge. Times that we feel forgotten or betrayed or when we just don't understand. At that time, like Chapman, we have to choose. Choose to remind ourselves of the truth. Our God is good. He is strong and He is love.
1. DannieA said the following at 9:58 AM on Nov 5:
Tragedies may have no explanation...we will just have to trust God to be our strength....
Just a reminder to the readers though, just because we choose to trust God will not mean that we cannot have our feelings of grief. Sometimes we forget that or we feel that our anger, grief etc. is a sign of our weakness of faith and that is NOT the case.
2. Laura said the following at 10:54 AM on Nov 5:
Thank you, thank you for this, Heather. (confession) I'm sitting in a work meeting reading this article, and blinking back tears as I process this in the face of a hard loss and deep betrayal. Choosing to trust . . .
3. RLynn said the following at 11:14 AM on Nov 5:
Grief and loss are part of being human and I don't think God expects us to ignore it or pretend it doesn't hurt; but He promises to accompany us on the journey. I have recently spent time processing my own grief and loss with a pastoral counselor for a series of losses over just a couple years' time (sudden loss of one parent, major life-changing surgery for myself, death of the other parent, betrayal by a family member). I would recommend Gerald Sittser's book, "A Grace Disguised" for anybody who is at the point to "turn back". God is faithful and once you look back, you can see where God has used the period (if you let Him) to "deepen the well". I saw Steven Curtis Chapman's interview on Larry King and I think it was quite a testimony. My major regret is that I had to go outside of my congregation for help--folks in church didn't know how to help.
4. Suzanne Hadley Gosselin said the following at 12:24 PM on Nov 5:
I was so gripped by the Chapman family's reaction in the face of their loss. It did not gloss over the hard truths (Mary Beth was clear that in spite of what God was doing, she just wanted her daughter back), and yet their reaction was so beautifully consistent with their faith. This new installment is just another evidence of that.
Today I realized that probably more than most, Steven can relate to Job in the Bible. Job grappled with God, but in the end he chose to trust and cling to the One who sustained him in even in his lack of understanding.
It is so very tempting to put God on our own terms and say..."a loving God would never allow X to happen to one of his obedient children." That was my initial reaction to the tragic news. I admire that the Chapman family didn't get mired in this kind of human understanding but chose to trust in the character of their God. It truly is a testimony to everyone who comes in contact with this kind of genuine faith.
5. Jo said the following at 1:53 PM on Nov 5:
Good post. Really good post.
6. Carol said the following at 2:51 PM on Nov 5:
What a blessing to see the Chapmans living out their faith in spite of their circumstances. I don't think we ever realize how much our actions encourage and bless others.
7. Tessa said the following at 3:18 PM on Nov 5:
Thank you for posting this. I needed to be reminded of who God is and what he's done. Today is my sister's 26th birthday. She is celebrating it with Jesus and we're celebrating here on earth. As my family longs for heaven so much more today, I am reminded that God is a good God that keeps his promises.
8. rebekah said the following at 7:16 PM on Nov 5:
If you haven't heard Steven Curtis Chapman's new verse in his song Yours, you should listen to it...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Y_lHevMdpc
9. Alexis said the following at 7:26 PM on Nov 5:
I cry and worship every time I hear his song: Heaven Is The Face http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9JTwJ_1lzE
God bless the Chapman family.
10. *all*natural* said the following at 7:34 PM on Nov 5:
Wow....the timing of this post couldn't be more perfect. Thank you, Lord!! and Thank you, Heather, for posting!