Purity Ring Fakeout: Episode 95
by Motte Brown on 11/12/2009 at 11:57 AM
 iTunes | Listen Now/RSS |
Holiday Hype -- 0:00
I'm starting to get a little anxious about all the things I need to do to get ready for the holiday season. And an anxious spirit is the antithesis of the kind you're supposed to have this time of year. So what are some steps we can take to minimize the distractions and maximize faith, family, and friends? Well, you can listen to this podcast for starters. This week, Lisa, Candice and Steve talk about being intentional as we approach Thanksgiving and Christmas.
The Screwtape Interview, Part 2 -- 15:32
Is C.S. Lewis's The Screwtape Letters relevant for this generation? It's a question Lisa discusses with the producer and director of Focus on the Family Radio Theater's audio production of the Lewis classic. (Btw, I need to plug the audio bumpers again this week. I think you're really going to like them. Pay close attention to the times after the titles because that's exactly where you can begin the audio clips.)
Purity Ring Fakeout -- 31:52
When people see a ring on your ring finger, there's a chance they'll assume you're married. And if you don't have a ring on your ring finger, there's a chance people will assume you're not married. In this week's Inbox, Candice Watters addresses both issues and the consequences of being irresponsible ring wearers and non-wearers.
1. BDB said the following at 12:09 PM on Nov 12:
Not being of the "purity ring" generation, I would indeed assume it was a simple wedding band. Men can't tell the difference between types of rings!
2. obewan said the following at 12:30 PM on Nov 12:
I was once duped by the "purity ring fakeout."
There was this very attractive bank teller with a ring on her finger. Since I assumed she was married or engaged I tried not to notice her.
When I went to close my bank account and move out of state she asked me when I was leaving town. I said tomorrow. She said "I guess that does not leave us any time to go out for a dinner date." I said, "I thought you were married." She said, "Oh no, I just wear this ring so men don't bother me. Why don't I give you my address so you can at least write to me."
I was of course kicking myself, but how was I supposed to know? And, she might even not have been s Christian so it could have been moot - but you get my point. LOL
3. Michael said the following at 12:46 PM on Nov 12:
I just want to give a simple shout out to the Boundless folks; thanks and God bless for getting the podcast and web page posting coordinated this week! Keep up the good work! :-)
4. Kay said the following at 1:02 PM on Nov 12:
What frustrates me is married guys who do not wear rings! There's been several times I have noticed a cute guy at work or church and after a quick "ring check" became interested only to find out later that he is married. So frustrating. Guys, if you're married you should wear a ring just to make things clear for other girls!!!
5. Adam said the following at 1:03 PM on Nov 12:
Thank you Candice for your strong stand on the purity ring!
If I see a girl with a ring on, I automatically assume she is either engaged or married. But even I know for a fact she is single, I will not ask her out.
I desire to live my life above reproach. Giving the appearance that I am out on a date with a married woman is not a good thing. I may know its a purity ring, she may know its a purity ring, but that doesn't that the people around us will.
6. Matt said the following at 1:43 PM on Nov 12:
I was helping my friend move last weekend and his little sister was there with her boyfriend(at least he was introduced that way). However, I noticed a diamond ring on the correct finger. I asked my friend if she was engaged and he said no, that maybe it was a purity ring.
Simple bands I can sort of understand as purity rings, but diamond(or at least looks like a diamond) rings?
7. Melissa said the following at 1:49 PM on Nov 12:
Well, obewan, I guess she got what she wanted-- men did indeed leave her alone. :/ Ah well, her loss, methinks.
8. Lucie said the following at 2:01 PM on Nov 12:
In response to Obewan #2's conundrum, well, the bank teller certainly got what she wanted - men, including Obewan, didn't bother her! I wonder if she kept on wearing it as much....
9. mindlab.memory said the following at 2:03 PM on Nov 12:
@ 2. obewan:
"Oh no, I just wear this ring so men don't bother me."
Seems perfectly logical. She didn't want to be bothered, so you didn't bother her. If a girl wants to play hard to get, she will likely not get got. It's sorta like posting a 'Beware of Dog' sign in your front yard, and being surprised when the neighbors never drop by to visit.
10. Emily said the following at 2:18 PM on Nov 12:
I wear the ring for a reason, to keep creepy men away - although that doesn't always work. I also wear it as a continual reminder to myself of my commitment to God.
On that note, I never really worry about what it might say to people. One, anyone that I would consider dating I would hope that I was good enough friends with that they would know that I was single.
Secondly (and this probably says a LOT about my generation), but honestly - I rely on the fact that my Facebook says that I'm single to let people know.
11. New Bride said the following at 2:27 PM on Nov 12:
When I was single I had a purity ring on my left hand for a while too, but switched after a mix up with a guy who didn't pursue cause he thought I was married. Even though it was a simple silver band....its ok I'm glad the right guy pursued, he was worth waiting for. :) And I have had guys I thought were married cause of a silver band on their left ring finger, and they weren’t. Made for some weird conversations let me tell you. ;)
What about those who are married and don't wear rings? I have run into that too...really uncomfortable conversation since I didn’t realize they were “taken” after a few passing conversations. Weird! I'm all for wearing rings on the right fingers for clear verification of "taken" or not. :)
Another note though, not all notice rings, after being married, even engaged I had more guys approach me asking me to dinner, or an outing of some sort even though I have a diamond, very clearly a beautiful diamond on my left ring finger...I've had more random guys "hit" on me, then when I was single...I've had a few married friends remark on the same thing. I even had, just a few weeks ago, a guy at church retreat sit down next to me, while my husband was getting hot chocolate for me, put his arm behind me on the chair leaned in close…really close…to "introduce" himself...my ring clearly on...and my husband had just been there. Not sure what that is about and very uncomfortable. My hubby showed up right then, hot chocolate in hand, and introduced himself… the guy found another seat.
So maybe it’s not as much as a deterrent as we might think... then again maybe it is if the guy is specifically looking to discover her/his status. Guess it depends on the guy or girl.
12. DannieA said the following at 3:09 PM on Nov 12:
I honestly don't get purity rings.
You're either married/engaged or you're not.
13. BDB said the following at 3:21 PM on Nov 12:
#5 wrote:
>>Giving the appearance that I am out on a date with a married woman is not a good thing.<<
Sooo...is there any reason they can't move it to a different finger while on a date?
14. Melissa S. said the following at 3:32 PM on Nov 12:
Haven't listened to the podcast yet, so I'm not commenting on that specifically.
My take on rings: they may or may not be giving you any information.
There are plenty of girls who wear rings on their left ring-finger without being married or engaged. I know the basic reasons and I don't understand them, but that's their decision.
There are plenty of married guys who don't wear rings for the same innocent safety reason my dad doesn't. They don't want to lose a finger at work. Just last year, a guy that my dad knows really well retired from firefighting after 30 years on the job and started wearing his ring again. He went to the call fire station during his first week of retirement, slipped on the first step of a ladder, and lost his finger. If I see guys without a ring, depending on their age, I decide that they are "probably" or "probably not" married.
Bottom line, rings are nice but they don't really tell as much as they could since there is so much variation in how they are worn. Although, I do think it's kinda crazy to obfuscate the issue further by wearing rings on the left ring-finger if you're not married. :)
15. BDB said the following at 3:35 PM on Nov 12:
Emily (#10) wrote:
>>Secondly (and this probably says a LOT about my generation), but honestly - I rely on the fact that my Facebook says that I'm single to let people know.<<
Alas, I know a number of women who list themselves as "single" on facebook and never update their relationship status when they acquire a new boyfriend. So now I have to assume that means legal marriage status, not attachment status.
As I've mentioned before, a big problem with American culture is that everyone is making up their own custom boundaries, so people are more and more confused about what proper behavior is.
Culturally, wearing a ring on the ring finger of your left hand means you are engaged or married. No matter how trendy purity rings might be, or how trendy it is to wear them on that finger, it is in conflict with cultural norms and will create confusion if nothing else.
There's been several times that I've been around women in volunteer settings that are wearing a very thin band. I vaguely remembered thinking they were married. Later on I might see them at an event with their husband and a bigger ring. Maybe they took off the diamond while working with kids. But I swear, those thin bands look exactly like these so-called purity rings.
I think this practice is only going to create more confusion and confusion will continue to make people more hesitant. I mean really, worse than someone declining an invitation is them blushing and saying, "I'm married."
And, frankly, some married women get very uncomfortable when a man who is not their husband starts asking any kind of personal questions, so respectful men are going to keep a respectful distance if they see a ring.
16. Jo said the following at 4:05 PM on Nov 12:
I often wear a ring on my index finger on my right hand, and I still once got asked if I was engaged.
But that guy was just not very clever. :)
17. Kristen in CA said the following at 4:10 PM on Nov 12:
I am wondering how many Boundless ladies wear travel rings that look like wedding bands. I've had several extremely unwanted advances by men in airports and rarely travel without one on my ring finger anymore. (It's utterly unnecessary to touch my leg or tell me about sexual exploits). Do any others of you do this as well?
18. New Bride said the following at 4:28 PM on Nov 12:
There are places too around the world, many different countries and cultures where you wear your ring on your right hand if married, not the left...just to mention... :)
19. Christine said the following at 4:51 PM on Nov 12:
My dad does not have a wedding ring and neither did my grandpa. Because of their jobs, they couldn't wear rings to work and, because money was tight when both of them got married, they opted not to buy them at all.
I on the other hand will never be able to wear a ring on my left ring finger (birth defect that left me without fingers on my left hand). So - does that mean I can't get married?? I certainly hope not.
All that said, I know that rings are a symbol, but unless someone is intentionally not wearing one to trick people, I don't think it's that big of a deal.
20. sarah elizabeth said the following at 4:59 PM on Nov 12:
I have a purity ring that is a simple gold band and could easily be mistaken for a wedding band. I quickly decidedd that wearing it on my right hand was the best option so that I wouldnt appear engaged/married. I know what it means and it still is a symbol for me.
I know women who buy cheap cz fake engagements if they bartend or work in a restaurant. They have found it easier if guys who come in think they are taken. And if that were the case, I would totally do it too!
21. Lora said the following at 5:07 PM on Nov 12:
Really funny this got brought up today. I have a new baby Christian friend that is getting used to our "Christian culture" and was asking why girls wear rings if they are single. I quit wearing my purity ring years ago because I got tired of explaining to people that I was not married or engaged.
22. BDB said the following at 5:53 PM on Nov 12:
Perhaps the most important Thanksgiving/Christmas tradition involves olives and fingers...
23. BDB said the following at 6:11 PM on Nov 12:
I must say that I really like the Screwtape Letters audio drama segments.
I met Douglas Gresham at a fundraising event for the C.S. Lewis foundation. It was interesting hearing him refer to "dad" over and over again in his speech. I remember some people making comments about him being an Executive Producer in the Chronicles of Narnia movies. But personally, I think his involvement kept the Disney movies closer to the books. I'm glad they didn't completely "Disneyfy" them.
So, is The Hobbit more normal?
24. Kelly-1 said the following at 6:28 PM on Nov 12:
BDB: "I know a number of women who list themselves as "single" on facebook and never update their relationship status when they acquire a new boyfriend. So now I have to assume that means legal marriage status, not attachment status."
That's exactly why my Facebook status doesn't say anything. The path from "single" to "in a relationship" is never clear or smooth, and doesn't happen instantly, whereas the transition to "engaged" and "married" is very obvious!
I certainly don't want to be advertising to the world : "Single", then "Dating" then "Single" then "In a Relationship" then oops, "Single" again. It's none of anyone's business!
That said, if I was dating someone, I'd feel dishonest having "Single" still listed in my profile.
Leaving it blank is best unless you're engaged/married.
25. Tiffany said the following at 6:35 PM on Nov 12:
re: Kristen (17)
YES! I travel almost every week for work and I wear rings on BOTH ring fingers to avoid said situations. If there is an unwanted approach I can point to it and say 'unavailable' and if there is a potential interest I can easily slip it off :)
re: New Bride (18)
Very true. Men in Europe particularly wear their wedding rings on their right hand.
re: Kay (4)
Agreed! Men, if you are married, WEAR YOUR RING! End of discussion.
A ring check is the FIRST thing I do on a guy when I see/meet them.
26. Courtney P. said the following at 7:46 PM on Nov 12:
I wear my purity ring on my left-hand, I have since I was 17 and know I am 22 and getting out of college. I feel readyalong with my parents to begin courting or Christian dating 9whatever you wanna call it lol:. I don't know yet if I am going to change the hand I wear my purity ring on i have been thinking about it, but if feels weird not to have it on my left hand. If you get to know me in about the first or second meeting should know I am single lol:). If somebody really whats to know I would not get offended it they asked if I was married. My purity ring is sing with a rose in no way does it look like an engagement ring, but a few people has asked before. God is in control over my purity and my purity ring lol:)
27. JuliestD said the following at 8:22 PM on Nov 12:
Adam #5 makes a great point. I never thought about that. I don't like going out with my husband if one of us forgets our rings (like when we work out), because I have seen people notice.
And I would add that some men will play dumb and ask about any ring you have on, simply as a way to broach the subject of if you have a boyfriend.
28. KJ said the following at 9:46 PM on Nov 12:
Ring thoughts...
I wear a purity ring on my right-hand ring finger. It's clearly designed as a purity ring (heart/key) so there's no confusion. I figured that was the solution to the problem until I heard a news story once about a prominent homosexual couple who had had a commitment ceremony (this was a few years ago before such marriages were taking place anywhere) and wore rings symbolizing their lilfelong commitment to each other...on their right-hand ring fingers.
As to the safety concerns mentioned for guys, I understand that some jobs just aren't safe for a wedding ring. I knew a guy who for safety reasons couldn't wear his ring, so he got one tattooed on the appropriate finger. If real tattoos freak you out, there's always henna. I'm not a fan of tattoos but I do understand the logic - he wanted to mark himself as married without risking getting his finger (or hand, or arm) ripped off at work.
29. Nathanael said the following at 10:11 PM on Nov 12:
Im a guy and I wear one. Though I can see how it would confuse people at times, it really does no harm. In fact, I see it as a great aid, keeping people away who would try to play me and such. And, if a girl wears one, I see that as a good thing, cause I am going to have to really get to know her first
30. Talia said the following at 10:22 PM on Nov 12:
I wear rings of no kind. My particular denomination believes in wearing no jewelery, but my father did purchase a plain old gold band to wear on business trips. It didn't stop all the nuisances, but it did some.
31. Talia said the following at 10:23 PM on Nov 12:
Oh bother. That right there tells you I don't wear rings. =-) I couldn't even spell jewelry correctly.
32. Phoebe said the following at 10:28 PM on Nov 12:
I have a beautiful purity ring made by my cousin (google Paradise Ring Works). I wear it on my left ring finger and only a couple times have people asked if I'm engaged. It is a pearl, and sometimes I've had people compliment it, when I can easily say what it is. I've never worried about "turning away" young men, but then I'm only 22. I guess I figure that if he's around me enough to get to know me as a friend, he'll know well enough that I'm single.
33. Sara said the following at 10:38 PM on Nov 12:
I don't think there is anything wrong with not wearing wedding rings. They are just a symbol... not a big sign, "I'm Married". I know a lot of couples who choose not to wear rings for various reason. My husband and I choose to wear rings, but mine does not look like a wedding ring, despite it being on my left ring finger. I think considering wearing a wedding ring a compulsory thing is right up there with saying you have to wear a white dress when you walk down the aisle or get a Mom haircut when you have children.
Seriously, this whole idea that you are always scouting for a husband and always doing ring checks is just weird. If your mind is focused on pursuing a spouse that much, then I think you need to refocus.
34. khalil said the following at 10:48 PM on Nov 12:
Jo, 16:
In Lebanon, at least among the Christians I have encountered (unsure of the Muslims) the engagement ring is often worn on the right hand and then after marriage a ring is worn on the left. Can get confusing if you're not used to it.
BDB, 22:
Ok, I'm curious now….what are you referring to?
Since we all are adding our own perspective on this…I don't like wearing jewelry, have only recently gotten a watch after not wearing (or owning one) for over 10 years, only now due to constantly running late on appointments with my children at work. I have a small cross on a thin chain I wear around my neck, underneath clothing only and not all the time…this was something I have had since a mission trip to Mexico when I was in high school. I have always been unable to wear rings due to the sensation and foreign feel and highly doubt I would ever wear a wedding band if marriage came a knockin'.
35. BDB said the following at 11:04 PM on Nov 12:
Kelly-1 (#24) said:
>>I certainly don't want to be advertising to the world : "Single", then "Dating" then "Single" then "In a Relationship" then oops, "Single" again. It's none of anyone's business!<<
I think the correct sequence is:
In a Relationship
It's Complicated
Single
36. Kelsey said the following at 12:45 AM on Nov 13:
I've read Boundless for years, and this is the first time I've ever commented on anything. But I can't resist throwing in my two cents concerning purity rings.
My parents presented me with a purity ring when I turned fifteen. I chose to wear it on my left ring finger, believing that it was a representation of my commitment to Jesus while I waited to get married. The thought that someone would assume I was married or engaged never entered my mind, considering that I was so young. It was a useful witnessing tool for several years since I was often asked what it was and why I wore it. It also served the convenient dual purpose of keeping *most* unwanted male attention at bay.
I am now 21 and finishing college. At my small Christian university, at least half of the students, both male and female, wear a purity ring. After an interesting conversation with my best friend's fiancee last fall, I moved my ring to my right hand. He had not grown up in the same "churchy" environment as my friends and I had, and he pointed out to me that by wearing a ring on my left hand I was unintentionally broadcasting to every man I met that I was unavailable. He said that my ring was the very first thing he had noticed about me when we met, and that had he been a single guy the ring would have prevented him from considering me as a potential date. It was a shock. It was even more of a shock when another male friend agreed with him. At 21 it no longer seemed beneficial to wear the ring on my left hand.
A few months later I ceased to wear the ring at all, for unrelated reasons. But I still pull it out occasionally and slip it on my left ring finger when traveling alone.
37. Loris said the following at 8:20 AM on Nov 13:
I wore my purity ring, a replica of my dad's wedding band, on my right hand. When traveling alone, I switched it to the left after a bad experience at a gas station. Now I wear it on top of my diamond and wedding band to keep them both on, since the newer rings are a little loose. All three bands are thin, so wearing them in a stack is no bigger than an older lady's thick band.
38. Keren said the following at 12:03 PM on Nov 13:
I do wear a ring (although fo me its more than just a purity thing... its to remind me who I am in God. His daughter.) But I do not wear it on my ring finger.
39. BDB said the following at 12:14 PM on Nov 13:
Khalil (#34) wrote:
>>BDB, 22:
Ok, I'm curious now….what are you referring to?<<
You'll just have to listen to the podcast!!!
40. Esther said the following at 1:03 PM on Nov 13:
I initiated a new tradition with my family last Thanksgiving. I was a little frustrated with the hours of food preparation that culminated with about 20 minutes of eating (and a few minutes of expressing thankfulness) and then a long afternoon of not much to do.
So I suggested that we break the meal up into several courses, to have the eating more spread out, and then have everyone provide some sort of entertainment in between. My family was sort of skeptical, but it worked out remarkably well. I was especially impressed by the performances. My dad read famous speeches, my grandma read some poems she had written years before, I teamed up with my sisters for some duets and dramatic readings, and there were several other interesting performances. It made for a much more memorable holiday than the usual 'feast and run' and we really had a lot of fun.
In general, my family's holiday traditions have suffered since all of my siblings have grown up and spread out. None of us are married, but we're all not able to get home for the holidays, which is sad but inevitable.
41. Tami said the following at 2:34 PM on Nov 13:
Maybe we should start wearing olives on our fingers as a sign of our marital status.
42. Blue Sarah said the following at 3:08 PM on Nov 13:
My Dad doesn't have a ring brcause he doesn't want to get electrocuted. He says it shows that he loves Mum more by not wearing it than announcing his marital status to the world. Besides everyone knows he's married. I have suggested he gets a ring tattoo as that would permenantly show you're taken... he wouldn't have a bar of it.
I think it's bizarre to want to wear a ring on that finger (unless engaged/married) as that screams "taken". I'd never heard of it until two years ago but now many girls I know wear one there.
As for me, I wore my ring so much (on the correct finger) that it basically broke, so now I don't wear anything.
43. Elizabeth said the following at 3:20 PM on Nov 13:
I bought a silver and pearl ring for my younger sister while she was 18, since our parents never did the purity ring thing (Our family has a totally different tradition that covers the same idea and more). We call it a "patience ring" and she wears it on her right hand to avoid awkwardness. I have never had one (I thought it would be tacky to buy one for myself), but for some reason I wanted to give one to her.
44. DannieA said the following at 3:28 PM on Nov 13:
Talia...
LOL, My grandparents and some of my relatives on the east coast don't wear jewelry either....the newer generation has a different take on text of outward adornment so in my denomination you'll have some with jewelry and some without.
Bit of interesting family/religion history....my parents were the first couple to wear engagement rings in their church back east in the mid 70s....it was quite a scandal. It is still talked about when we visit my mom's family back east from church members.
My parents conservative as they may be will always = rebels in my mischevious mind.
45. Tamara (from Canada) said the following at 4:23 PM on Nov 13:
Hmm, purity rings . . .
I have one . . . I don't wear it on my ring-finger on my left hand most of the time. I wear it on the middle-finger of my left hand. I started wearing it on that finger when a male friend, who had grown up in the church and knew what it was, told me that evenf or him it still made him, and other guys, think that I was taken. It made me think. To me, it's what the ring symbolizes and reminds me of, not the finger I wear it on that's important.
As for wearing wedding rings when you are married, I definitely will, as have most women in my family. But most of the men have not worn rings. They have all worked in construction trades where wearing a ring is dangerous and so have never worn a ring. They have never had a problem as they just bring up the topic of them being married as soon as the conversation goes in a direction they're not comfortable with.
46. edwige said the following at 8:58 PM on Nov 13:
# 41 Tami >>Maybe we should start wearing olives on our fingers as a sign of our marital status.<<
Lol Tami I second that!!
My church in my country always encourages us to be pure and wait till mariage but no purity ring was advertised! (not sure if now they do, it has been 4 years I have left my country). Maybe... it is the American Christianity Busisness side that has encouraged this in the church...buy...buy when u don't really need it...
I found it interesting how diamond is the sign of engagement here in America... diamond is so expensive but hey it is the culture =). Where I am from, no diamond ring for engagement, just a simple ring. For the wedding, a ring with a little bit of gold or lots of gold depending on you financial position.
So I was wondering...in case I marry an american, do i need to tell him, no need of a diamond ring for me... will he be offended? hum?
47. Ted Slater said the following at 9:07 PM on Nov 13:
FWIW, my dad is a physician. His wife (my stepmom) has no diamond ring, but instead has a pearl ring. It wears out every few years, and they simply replace the pearl. So a "diamond" engagement is not "necessary" to show love and commitment.
48. Larissa said the following at 9:15 PM on Nov 13:
Great Point, Adam #5!
Nice try to change the conversation topic, BDB, but it seems it didn't work TOO well! Haha! =)
I have never had a purity ring, but always thought that if I did, I would not wear it on my left hand ring finger, as that place is reserved. I had never thought that it could be a deterrent. I also don't like the cheesy heart patterns they come in.
I never get too busy at Christmas, mostly because I am single and live on my own, in a city away from my family. Even when I do have my own family, I like planning and organizing and going here and there, doing this and that. It's fun!
The one "busy" thing I do NOT like is the ferries to get home on holidays. What a nuisance! I should get myself a helicopter. =)
49. Tami said the following at 11:39 PM on Nov 13:
Hi edwige, and thanks for the lols :)
I think the "purity ring" is definitely a product of American (hmm, maybe Western?? but especially American) Christian culture... I hate to say it's just for the money though... I think it's that American evangelical culture is very used to, well, American culture and its tendency to want symbols, "brands," big cultural movements, making a statement with what you wear, etc. I don't think purity rings are a bad thing per se... but as many have said here, it adds an extra level of confusion. Plus, it *is* a symbol, not a requirement... God looks on the heart. :)
50. Jo said the following at 1:59 AM on Nov 14:
edwige,
"So I was wondering...in case I marry an american, do i need to tell him, no need of a diamond ring for me... will he be offended? hum?"
He'll probably be relieved!
I kinda agree with you about the purity ring thing too. I have nothing against them, but personally I don't really want to advertise anything that intimate to the world, even if it's "Hey I'm going to be a virgin 'til i'm married". If people ask, fine, but if not, I'm not going to declare it from the rooftops.
That's just me, and I totally respect other people's views.
But anyway, if I wore a purity ring over here, no one would know what it was anyway.
51. newGirl said the following at 9:26 AM on Nov 14:
#46 edwige >> Where I am from, no diamond ring for engagement, just a simple ring.>>>
Where are you from? I have never been overseas and always enjoy learning random facts about other cultures. :)
52. Mike Theemling said the following at 9:36 AM on Nov 14:
If you are a lady and wear a ring on the "wedding ring finger" most guys who respect boundries (and I assume that you want to go out with a guy who behaves this way) will assume you are unavailable without asking.
Why don't guys ask? Simple. Most decent guys don't want to come off as intrusive. What if he were to ask a girl with the ring on and she really was taken? He might be chastised with something like, "Can't see you say I'm MARRIED/ENGAGED??" as she holds up her hand to his face. Then his reputation might get ruined by her telling her friends that this guy is a playboy. So why risk it?
So it's fine if you want to wear it to either "keep creepy men away" or "advertise your purity", just understand that you will reduce your pool of possible suitors.
53. Vanessa said the following at 8:04 PM on Nov 14:
#33 - I always "ring check" to avoid any possible mis-interpretation. If I see a guy who looks interesting, I check to see if he's wearing a ring. No ring? I don't have a problem trying to catch his eye or going over to say "hi." If he's got a ring on, I stay away. If he comes up to talk to me, I know that he appears "off limits" and I won't let even a trace of flirtation creep out.
We late 20s and up girls can spot a married man from across the room and know better than to mess with him or let him mess with us!
I also have worn a "fake" CZ engagement-type band to avoid being hit on in certain circumstances. There was a time in my late teens when guys twice my age were hitting on me all the time in a sleazy way (I developed quite large very early)...and flashing the ring made them stay away.
54. Maggie said the following at 3:04 PM on Nov 15:
I loved Lisa's comment about how wearing rings on every finger won't keep you pure in sketchy situations. I think a lot of kids make an emotional commitment to purity without really getting what purity really means or understanding how to guard it. Plus, too often purity is looked at as merely not crossing certain lines, rather than an attitude of the heart. It would be *awesome* for you guys to do that proposed segment on guarding sexual purity. I also work with high school students and it's something we talk about a LOT.
55. jim said the following at 8:30 PM on Nov 16:
I know I may be ignorant. i actually dont care much about jewellery, in fact, they put me off. But if "purity rings" is meant to indicate anything, what are they? I mean like, which hand, which finger?, or does it not matter as long as it is not a wedding band or engagement ring? Let me guess, first women blame men for not asking, now they might blame us for being ignorant. that's why we men are frustrated... LoL
56. Sasha said the following at 10:27 PM on Nov 16:
A comment *not* about purity rings....Radio Theatre folks, PLEASE DO make more Father Gilbert episodes! Those are pretty much the coolest stories ever....I love that type of fiction.
Oh, and just for the record, I do have a ring. I switched it to the right hand a few years ago after a sudden realization that maybe it was keeping me from being asked out. Not that I've been on that many dates since switching fingers, but at least I don't wonder about it anymore! ;)
57. edwige said the following at 11:49 AM on Nov 17:
#51. newGirl>>Where are you from? I have never been overseas and always enjoy learning random facts about other cultures. :)<<
I am from Togo a small country in West Africa. Togo is neighboring Ghana. My country is a former French colony, and actually the ring tradition for engagement and marriage has been borrowed from the French culture. Our own tradition ask for “the bride price” (also known as bride wealth, is an amount of money or property or wealth paid by the groom or his family to the parents of a woman upon the marriage of their daughter to the groom. Wikipedia).
This bride price can sometimes be very expansive!
So today our generation still kept the tradition of “bride price” and also added the French one.
58. Kairi said the following at 8:48 AM on Nov 18:
I never wore a purity ring because I wanted to keep my ring finger pure for my wedding ring.
59. RLynn said the following at 12:09 PM on Nov 18:
I agree, Candace, about the rings--take the purity ring OFF and married men--put your rings ON! I lived in Germany and Austria for 8 years and like has already been said--even the men wear their wedding bands when they are ENGAGED...there is enough confusion without knowing who's available and who's not. As far as traditions--challenge to single people--as a nurse, when I worked in the hospital--I would ASK to work holidays so people could be home with their families...