There is no in-between. At least, there shouldn't be according Marc Driscoll, pastor of Mars Hill Church in Seattle, Washington.
In this video, Pastor Driscoll unpacks Luke 1:80 about John the Baptist's maturation into adulthood. He said the transition happened suddenly back then. Today there's an in-between stage called adolescence where "being a man is defined not by what you produce but by what you consume."
My favorite quote in the video: "What kills young men is this worldly thinking that this indefinite period of extended adolescence is acceptable, natural, and unavoidable."
Sadly, there's a lot of niceguys out there who fit this category.
"Poll Supports Taxing Rich for Overhaul," read the headline in my hometown paper on this story about health-care reform. "Americans Sour on Other Options for Meeting Costs," added the subhead.
In other words, same old, same old.
I have to wonder how many of the people who take the tax-the-rich line pause, even briefly, to ask themselves what gives them a claim on other people's money, and a pretty much limitless claim at that. Not many, I'm afraid. It's habitual by now.
But they should pause. And more to the point, we should. We, meaning Christians. We have it on good Authority that it's a sin to steal. Should we be quick to conclude it's not stealing if it's done by the state? Automatically? Should we blithely assume it's OK if the government is democratic? Might that not make it worse -- increasing the complicity, and the corruption, of the people?
Shouldn't we at least ask these questions?
Yes, I know: There are mitigating factors. Health care isn't a luxury, it's a necessity. (I really know: I've had major medical bills with no insurance.) But the issues remain, and we still need to wrestle with them. And we can't forget that the people always support making "the rich" pick up the tab. The spirit of the nation isn't "we're deeply sorry to take other people's money, but we're desperate." It's simply "We're entitled."
And yes, I know: Scripture has many warnings about attachment to wealth and many calls to care for others. But those words aren't just for the wealthiest of us: They're for all of us. When we feel we're entitled, we're not getting our spirits into harmony with God. We're only doing that when we're voluntarily giving, not forcibly taking.
I'm not entirely closed to ethical arguments for government programs of this sort, though I'm skeptical of them. The trouble is, few people seem to feel they even need to make those arguments. They just feel free to take the money.
So let's talk about this. A ground rule: Let's not talk about the details or the practicalities of health-care reform. We've done that a lot already on this site, and we may do it again, but it's not today's topic. Let's focus on the moral and spiritual issues raised above. There's plenty to chew on right there.
It's been two years now I've been hooked on Boundless. A friend of mine introduced me to the site and I've been faithful to it and the podcast ever since.
I'm Kerry and this is me at my home office in Trinidad and Tobago in the southern Caribbean.
I run a national student news magazine called The Student Press and naturally I work with a lot of young people. Your articles have been a source of great inspiration to me especially as it pertains to giving advice to youth.
Lisa is my favourite of course. She is so brutally honest and sweet.
Oh, I must tell you guys thank you for messing with all my beliefs and pre-conceived notions of relationships. (Hope you get the sarcasm a la Lisa here lol.)
A few years ago, I wrote an article about "non-random acts of kindness." The holiday season, which is nearly upon us (is upon us if you listen to the all-Christmas-music-all-the-time radio station), is a great time for specific acts of kindness.
The pinch I've felt this year and at various other times in my life (e.g., as a college student), is a lack of financial resources for giving. That's why it's great that many acts of kindness carry no price tag. Here are a few ideas:
Free babysitting. This weekend my husband and I are babysitting for our pastor and his wife. We had wanted to do something for them during Clergy Appreciation Month in October but were tight on funds. However, when I mentioned free babysitting, my pastor's face lit up. "We haven't been able to go on a date since September!" he said.
Gift cards. Each year I receive an assortment of gift cards. A grocery card from work. Multiple Starbucks cards (everyone knows about my habit). And various other cards to restaurants, movie theaters and stores. I'm not advocating re-gifting Mom's sole Christmas gift to you, but if an extra gift card comes your way, why not pass it on to someone who needs it more than you do?
Food. The holidays are a great time to make someone a meal or prepare plates of cookies for neighbors or shut-ins. My high school youth group used to spend an evening caroling to all the older people in our church and taking them plates of cookies.
Hospitality. Give the gift of your home. People love a warm, happy place to gather. Host a Thanksgiving or Christmas get-together. Serve Christmas treats, play some games and watch a holiday movie. I have a friend who loves to put on a "romantic dinner" at her house each time one of her friends gets engaged as her gift to the couple.
Nice stuff you don't need. Do you have extra items you're thinking of selling on craigslist? Why not give away quality items instead. When Kevin and I got married, we ended up with an extra king-sized bed. Kevin learned that one of his coworkers was six months pregnant and sharing a double bed with her husband. When we offered her the bed she was thrilled and offered to pick it up the next day!
The holidays are a great time to reach out to people, though opportunities to bless others with kindness exist year round:
Part of being a blessing to others is being alert to opportunities. If an affirming thought comes into your mind, say it. If you wonder if someone is in need, offer to help. If you find yourself thinking of a person, go a step further and act. A little deliberate kindness goes a long way.
And the great news is ... kindness is absolutely free.
Do-It-Yourselfers -- 0:00 Last weekend I spent about an hour pulling my toilet up and fishing out my son's toothbrush from the trapway. (He didn't get in too much trouble. He was just trying to multi-task while getting ready for bed.) I never really considered calling a plumber. I knew I could get 'er done with a couple of tools, a wire coat hanger, and an adventurous spirit. It's a skill I picked up from the ultimate do-it-yourselfer: my dad.
This week, Steve and I talk with Lisa about what our dads taught us and how it's made us better men.
Art of Manliness -- 16:09 I've noticed several ladies comment on the blog this week that they've broken up with men because of poor hygiene. If only those poor guys had known about the Art of Manliness, a website dedicated to, well, the art of being a man. And apparently, good hygiene is part of the art of manliness.
Unfortunately, I know far too many grown men who still smell like reeking teens, and whether they know it or not, their odor problem is wreaking havoc on their personal relationships, their business prospects, and the respect people give them. Most of us are too polite to confront a man with an odor problem and some men live completely oblivious to the foul destruction they leave in their wake. We grow accustomed to our own scents and as putrid as they are, we cannot recognize them.Our nose filters out and ignores many background odors, such as the ones in our nasal passages.Some of us also have poor olfactory senses, so bad odors don’t bother us like they do others. Time to wake up and smell the B.O.!
Good stuff.
For this week's Culture segment, Lisa interviews the couple behind the popular Art of Manliness website, Brett and Kate McKay.
Leading a Man to Lead -- 37:34 I thought this was a perfect question to tackle this week. A girl writes that she's in a relationship with a guy who did a great job at initiating a relationship but doesn't really know where to go from there. Should she back off and let him find his way or take the lead on leading him to lead? Or something like that. Anyway, Candice and Lisa have the solution.
But That Is Me by Heather Koerner on 11/19/2009 at 9:51 AM
"That drives me crazy," my husband commented on Sunday afternoon.
It was halftime of the football game we were watching. I, being not too interested in the halftime show, had retired to reading my paper. But hubbie's comments focused my attention to what the sports broadcasters were discussing: a recent video showing one college football player flagrantly attempting to eye gouge another player who was pinned in a pile.
The coach had decided to suspend the player for a half-game after viewing the video tape ("Oooo," hubbie commented. "Suspend him for a half game against Vanderbilt. That'll teach him."). But what got under hubbie's skin a little was this comment from the coach as he was interviewed:
"I don't condone that. I understand what goes on on the football field, but there's no place for that ... I spoke with him. That's not who he is ... He got caught up in emotion."
A female college soccer player, who was videoed repeatedly pulling hair, kicking, punching and elbowing opposing players in a recent match, is using the same type of language in her defense. She told the New York Times
"I look at it and I'm like, 'That is not me,'. I have so much regret. I can't believe I did that.
I think the way the video came out, it did make me look like a monster. That's not the type of player I am. I'm not just out there trying to hurt players. That's taking away from the beauty of the game. And I would never want to do that."
It's that language that was driving hubbie a little crazy on Sunday.
"Not who he is? Take a look at the video. If that's not who he is, he never would have done it, even with the emotion," hubbie said. "Better to say, 'That video showed me someone who I don't want to be. I apologize for my behavior. I've got some things to work on. I will be working on them.'"
Smart guy, that hubbie. As I thought about what he said, I thought about how exactly right he was. It's under pressure ... under intense emotion ... that my own ugly comes out bright and clear. Yep, I can hold the ugly in under most conditions. But it's when I'm frustrated with my family, or driving when I'm late to an appointment, or tired, or whatever, that Ugly Heather makes her entrance.
And it's so tempting to sweep UH under the rug. "That's not me," I protest. "I'm not like that." But, maybe, that's exactly who I am. That's exactly why I need a Savior. That's exactly why I continue to need to be sanctified.
My in-laws have a magnet on their refrigerator that reads, "Sports don't build character. They reveal it."
Perhaps for me it might read, "Life doesn't build character. It reveals it."
The next time Ugly Heather reveals herself (which, let's be honest, probably won't be that long from the time I end this post), I've got something to think about. Instead of protesting to God, "That's just not me!", I can say, "Please forgive me. Create in me a clean heart and a right spirit. Because that is me and it's not who I want to be."
Recently Gary Thomas gave us a taste of his new book Pure Pleasure in the article "Enjoying the Earth Without Loving the World." Now he's making the whole book available as a free download. See details at his Website.
Candice has almost finished the book, but she's let me interrupt her reading to knock out a couple of the chapters. I couldn't get enough of it -- especially as someone who grew up in a fairly legalistic church community and had some difficulty learning how to rightly enjoy God's good gifts.
I appreciate the great job Gary does of explaining how enjoying God's gifts properly is the best shield to resisting our enemy's counterfeits.
Don't miss this chance to read one of the best books of the year at the perfect price for Boundless readers ... free.
In more ways than one, I'm my own worst enemy. Not the least of which is that there are times where I let my mistakes or challenges serve as a discouraging distraction from the reality of God's love.
I was feeling that way last night, and I told God I was really needing to know that He values me.
There are many times where God doesn't answer all of our prayers and questions the way we would like, or sometimes we don't feel like we get answers at all.
But my prayer last night wasn't one of those. God answered me quickly and in a very unique way.
Today when I woke up there were two things burned into my thoughts when I woke up today. One was the song, "How Deep the Father's Love for Us." It's a beautiful song that was exactly what I needed to hear, and I've been listening to it all afternoon.
The second is a poem that some of you may have heard before written by Kathleen Wheeler. It's called "A New Leaf" and it's one that God brought to my mind when I needed it most.
I'll share it with you here, and if you prayed the same prayer last night I hope this is an encouraging answer for you too.
He came to my desk with a quivering lip, the lesson was done. "Have you a new sheet for me, dear teacher? I've spoiled this one." I took his sheet, all soiled and blotted, And gave him a new one all unspotted. And into his tired heart I cried, "Do better now, my child."
I went to the throne with a trembling heart, the day was done. "Have you a new day for me, dear Master? I've spoiled this one." He took my day, all soiled and blotted, and gave me a new one all unspotted. And into my tired heart he cried, "Do better now, my child."
When I first met my friend Daniel (not his real name) four years ago, he was not yet divorced, though he had been separated from his wife for a year and a half. Because Daniel was my age and living a single lifestyle, I sometimes found it difficult to remember his marital situation. We never considered dating -- mainly because we didn't share a faith in Christ -- but I occasionally found myself in sketchy moral territory. For example, was it wrong for the two of us to have dinner alone since he was not technically single?
In today's featured article "Beware: Black Diamond," Christina Holder shares her own tale of being pursued by an unavailable man. Surprisingly, these kinds of pursuers (and on the female-side seducers) are more common than you might think -- even in Christian circles. I've known Christians who got involved in relationships where one or both of the individuals were married. These kinds of relationships severely stray from the course God has set for love.
Thankfully, the author was astute enough to see it quickly and her mind was protected by truth. She writes:
I knew that no matter how good-looking Paye was -- or how much I wanted to hear his words -- that I couldn't let my emotions make a decision for me. The only way to deal with my temptation was to loosen its grasp at the first chance I got -- even if that meant being as abrupt as the swift swing of a car door.
The night after our failed date, Paye's freshly deleted phone number flashed across my phone display. I knew my only way out was to continue on my own path of escape.
"No temptation has overtaken you but such is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it," it says in 1 Corinthians 10:13.
I silenced the phone.
If you are flirting with the idea of a forbidden relationship, take Holder's advice and act swiftly to flee the temptation. Giving in to sin not only causes you to stray from God's best, it eternally impacts the lives of others.
Everyone loves a hero. We love to toast them. These days we even make heroes of people who are just doing their jobs well. But there’s a tendency at hero-making that bothers me, namely the penchant within the conservative Christian world to lionize people who later turn out to be something less than lions.
I first noticed this trend in 1997 after the school shooting in Paducah, Ky. A gunman opened fire on a prayer group at Heath High School, killing three and wounding five. Almost immediately, a hero emerged from that unthinkable carnage. A young, outspoken Christian student named Ben Strong stepped forward with a story that varied from time to time about how he boldly convinced the shooter to lay down his weapon. Ben was an instant hero, especially in Christian circles, an example of the supposed superior bravery of a Christian man. There was even a book and a CD called B.Strong released to quickly capitalize on Ben’s heroism. Except the story eventually turned out to be not quite what he suggested or allowed people to believe.
The next major incident happened after the Columbine shooting in 1999, where stories quickly circulated about the heroism of a young Christian lady, Cassie Bernall, with hoopla similar to that which surrounded Ben Strong. Except, once again, the story was notquite what we were led to believe.
Our latest hero is Miss California, Carrie Prejean. She was lauded for her courage in answering an unfair and loaded question during a beauty pageant. She was a hero, standing up for her faith and traditional marriage and being attacked and called horrible names for it. Except we are finding out in drips and drabs that Miss Prejean has done things that are less than flattering to someone claiming to be guided by her faith. She said it was a horrible mistake made when she was young (although 17 years old is not that young), but we’re now hearing another version of the story that calls into question her veracity on even that point. Suddenly this hero is getting the hot-potatotreatment.
Now let me stress that my purpose here is not to rag on Carrie Prejean, Ben Strong, or anyone else. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I know I’ve done things that I’m terribly ashamed of and would be mortified if they were to be splashed all over newspapers and TV screens.
No, my purpose is to call us out on our seeming need to create heroes as some sort of vindication of our faith. This is, I think, different from the natural human tendency to pull something positive out of a negative. My sense is that Ben Strong, Cassie Bernall, and Carrie Prejean were held up as sterling examples of the kinds of people who are Christians. It is a form of legalism, showing that somehow by our works we are justified — before the world, at least. Whether we intend it, this communicates to the world that this is what it means to be a Christian: bold, brave, squeaky clean.
I know I'm anything but, and I suspect most of you are not, either. We should be the first to tell the world this. I’m not a hero. I have nothing to boast about. I’m a wretched sinner who didn’t deserve the grace shown by God, and short of His indwelling strength, I’d be more wretched still. I can boast in only one thing.
Aside from being the truth, this message of sinners saved by grace instead of our own heroic works gives hope to those who are tired of trying to somehow justify themselves before God. It also cuts short the mockery that comes as an inevitable result of our still-fallen natures being, well ... part of our nature. We need to heed the apostle Paul’s rebuke: By failing to live up to our own standards — in this case, heroic, idealized Christianity — we cause God’s name to be mocked.
The Bible is full of flawed people who were still used powerfully in God’s plan of redemption, not because they were great or heroic, but because they were weak.
Let’s do away with Christian “heroes.” Let’s just be what we are and let our faith and our testimony to be the only evidence the world needs to see. In our weakness, God can do great things.
"How mature should I be at my age?" That's a question that creeps up on me every once in a while. I'll look in the mirror one morning or reach a particular milestone in life and start to wonder, "Am I hitting the mark? Am I doing okay for someone my age?" and then I start to wonder, "Who am I supposed to compare myself to?"
I try to think of where my parents were at my age, but it's hard to have a clean comparison with them because they always seemed like established mature adults to me -- people who didn't need to grow in maturity. It's also complicated because I was a teenager when my parents were the age I am now.
And so I find myself thinking about mentors I've had over the years and what I remember them being like at my age or I'll compare myself with peers born around the same time I was or I'll even think of the early chapters in biographies I've read.
Sometimes these benchmarking efforts motivate me to step up and be more mature. Other times they leave me frustrated and thinking it's not helpful to compare.
Often I'll find myself just repeating Psalm 90:12. "Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."
2012: RD12 by Motte Brown on 11/17/2009 at 1:54 PM
If you want to enjoy Hollywood's latest disaster flick, 2012, you may have to suspend your disbelief more than usual. Also this week, Bob and Cheryl talk about the mildly entertianing The Box and the raunch fest Pirate Radio.
In today's Boundless article, I write about something I've noticed among secular and Christian financial advisers.
Though there are many things that both perspectives would agree on (get rid of revolving debt, save and give), when it comes to financial specifics, the divide can widen ... significantly. One area where I noticed this gap was in advice to couples.
In the article, I give several examples of popular, secular financial speakers and authors who suggest that couples maintain separate financial lives or, at least, that couples should just do "whatever works." But, in the Christian financial realm, you'll be hard-pressed to find many who advocate separate accounts or "whatever works."
I wrote:
Why the disparity? Why are so many secular advisors pro-separate accounts or, at best, neutral, while so many Christian advisors advocate joint accounts?
One study by the Raddon Financial Group showed that 48 percent of married couples had two or more checking accounts in 2005 — up from 39 percent in 2001. So, are Christian financial advisors ignorant or just behind the times? Or, is there something more?
The more I read, the more I tend to think that there is something more.
Specifically, that it's not just about the accounts. It's about what each group believes about marriage — what marriage is and how to make it work well.
For those of us deciding which advice to take, those beliefs are important.
So I looked into what each group really believed about marriage, if their advice was even for married people at all, what assumptions they made about relationships and whether those assumptions matched the Word.
I was pretty intrigued by what I found.
Give the article a read. Have you thought at all about how you will handle your finances when you are married? Does understanding some of the secular financial advisers' assumptions about marriage and relationships give you pause when considering whether to take their advice or not?
"If Jesus Christ were to come today, people would not even crucify him," wrote 19th-century author Thomas Carlyle. "They would ask him to dinner, and hear what he had to say, and make fun of it." Carlyle wasn't a Christian when he described that attitude, but he didn't think much of it regardless.
I thought of that quote when flipping channels today. The topic of the day was Sarah Palin, and her reported comments to a McCain aide last fall: Seems she was pressed by the aide to say she believed in evolution, and she refused to get on board. The TV host launched into jeering at her in a can-you-believe-she actually-thinks-that? sort of tone, and commenced to push his guests to either join him in the jeering or be jeered at themselves. You didn't have to be a Palin fan to find the treatment kinda repulsive. It was so high school.
I call that host's attitude strategic mockery. It's a kind of bullying we all recognize from childhood onward, and it doesn't go away when we enter the adult world: It just takes on new forms. It's a conscious intimidation tactic that substitutes embarrassment for argument: Come on, you're not one of them, are you?
Any Christian who takes his faith seriously can expect to run into this a lot: That's not news. So how do you deal with it?
I have a few personal rules: Don't resort to a "Christian" version of that attitude yourself; don't get mad; do be calm; do be good-humored. But let's hear what you do. Or perhaps what you try to do.
This is Jools and I on honeymoon in Wales on the Gower peninsula. The weather that day was typical British- rainy, but things got better and we surfed, went for walks and rudimentary bird watching.
We've been married for just under 2 weeks* (yay!). We had a worshipful wedding and we embark on married life with confidence only in God to shape us into his likeness.
Thanks for all the Godly counsel and the encouragement to muster my courage and do the right thing.
Helkias
*Editor's note: This WAY was originally received on July 30th, 2009. Sorry for the delay, Helkias. =(
Road Angels by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin on 11/16/2009 at 9:45 AM
This weekend we had a snow storm in Colorado Springs. So this morning's drive to work was rather snowy. It reminded me of an experience I had on my way to work a couple of years ago that I wrote about on my personal blog:
I know some of you out there probably struggle with road rage tendencies from time to time. Although I'm by no means a hot head on the road, I do occasionally find myself annoyed by the driving-under-the-speed-limit-driver, the pull-in-front-of-me-driver and the bad-at-merging-driver.
But do you ever have moments of deep thankfulness for a good driver? These moments come often for me. Because bad drivers are always before me, I find myself taking notice of the quieter more considerate drivers: the ones who let me in; the ones who follow at a decent distance; the ones who stop at red lights. I think of them as my friends. I always wish I could give them a gold star or at least a thank-you.
Today as I drove to work a bit white-knuckled because of snow-covered roads, I had one such driver behind me most of the way. He followed four car-lengths behind the entire drive, never rushing me or pushing me to go faster. Even though he could easily have passed (I was maxing out at about 35 mph), he stayed behind me, which I found a comfort in case I slid off the road. He was my snow-driving ally.
When I arrived at work, I realized he was also a fellow employee. As I walked in, I found myself wanting to thank him for his courteous driving ... but I felt a little silly.
It's very easy to get angry with bad drivers, but why not focus on those who are making the roads a better place through good driving? If you are one of those drivers, I salute you!
Maybe you see kind souls in other places besides the road. Who are your "road angels?"
Pet Parents? by Heather Koerner on 11/14/2009 at 7:51 AM
During a recent drive, I was listening to the radio. I awoke from my typical "glazed over" demeanor as my ears perked up to a pet store commercial. Between the specials and sales, it urged all "pet parents" to bring their pets along to the store.
Did I hear that right, I wondered? Then it came again. Don't forget, pet parents, that your pets are always welcome at our store.
Pet ... parents? Really? It just sounded odd to me.
Now, I think (or am hoping) that I got their meaning. Maybe they didn't exactly mean "parents," as though pets were equivalent to children. I'm guessing that they probably just wanted words that were a little more endearing than the rather stark "pet owner" -- a phrase that better evoked the care and companionship we often feel for our pets.
I'm hopeful that neither the store nor its customers would equate parenting (the raising and shaping of an eternal soul, an image bearer of God) with the care of a pet. But I wondered, too, if that phrase was a small symbol of a growing fuzziness, even among Christians.
Dr. Albert Mohler writes about that on his blog, as he comments on a recent Associated Press article about the increase of church "special services" for believers and their dogs.
Pointing out that such services represent a "deep theological confusion," he writes:
...As Christians, we are to see the glory of God in the diversity and wonders of the animal kingdom. We are to respect all animals as intentional creations of God and to acknowledge the gifts that these creatures represent.
At the same time ...
As the image-bearers of God, humans alone have the capacity to know and to worship the Creator. Animals reflect the glory of God, but only human beings can see the glory of God and know the Creator. Animals may possess consciousness, but they do not have souls.
...America is a pet-centric culture, and this reveals much about us. We have the wealth to spend billions of dollars on pets. The ownership and enjoyment of pets is a sign of wealth and plenty. We are also a society that is trading human relationships for the companionship of pets. We cut off our elderly from extended family and leave them alone with their pets. We see increasing numbers of younger people who decide not to have children, but instead to pour themselves into relationships with their pets. Restaurants, malls, and hotels are asked to allow pets even as they allow children. Professor Hobgood-Oster points to the pet-centricity of our society as evidence of "the changing family structure, where pets are really central." The woman who brought her two dogs to the "Canines at Covenant" service said, "I don't have any kids, so my pets have always been my children." Postmodern Americans see these statements as evidence of new lifestyle choices. Christians should see these statements as tragic.
Do you think Americans, and those around the world, are "trading human relationships for the companionship of pets"?
Tradition by Candice Watters on 11/13/2009 at 6:15 PM
Our baby was up twice last night. It seems he didn't get the memo that today is his birthday. Because of the night feeding, I slept in a little. And because our baby is just one, I figured he wouldn't notice if I skipped the traditional breakfast-in-bed for the birthday boy or girl, along with a wrapped present, candles to blow out and singing of the birthday song.
Likely, he never would have missed it. But it turns out he's not the only one I needed to consider. Minutes after getting my coffee, the big kids were on their way up to our room asking about gifts and wrapping paper and balloons and more. I have them to thank for following through on our breakfast-in-bed (er, crib) tradition this morning. Thanks kids.
It's true his birthday would have been just fine without it, but following tradition has a way of sweetening ordinary days and making them special. And I'll always cherish the memories, and the photographs, I now have of this milestone.
As I mentioned on this week's podcast, we're big on traditions. We have them for nearly every holiday, major and minor, and relish the way doing certain things year-after-year brings back good memories, even while we make new ones. Traditions are comforting. They're a big part of what makes a family unique.
I also mentioned that we occasionally get carried away, ending up with more traditions than we can squeeze into the holidays. And that's when we have to pare back and strive again for simplicity.
What about you? Do you have must-do activities for Thanksgiving? (We'll talk about Christmas next month. It's not time yet.) Are there others that you've done over and over but would be willing to drop?
I'll kick it off with two: we always go around the table giving each person the chance to say what they're thankful for. And our oldest son puts three kernels of corn on each person's plate as a way to remember what the Pilgrims were subsisting on and why, after God sent Squanto to teach them how to grow food in the new world, they were so thankful.
Task Debt by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin on 11/13/2009 at 4:23 PM
With a weekend coming, it suddenly occurred to me today how much I have to do: Housecleaning projects to take care of, post-wedding thank-you notes to write, a garage to clean out, and, of course, that pesky book proposal to finish. I suddenly feel like I have task debt; the feeling is akin to realizing that you have debt on your credit card that you should have paid off months ago. Unfinished tasks upon unfinished tasks.
How did I accumulate this debt? Simple. I went to the movies when I should have been cleaning my house. I watched TV when I should have been writing thank-you notes. I slept in when I should have been getting the garage cleaned out. And I wasted time on Facebook when I should have been writing that book proposal.
And now I'm paying the price. Did I really need all those outings, TV episodes and morning sleep-ins. No. It was a discipline issue.
You've probably heard what the Bible says about those who sleep instead of work:
"A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest—and poverty will come on you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man." (Proverbs 6:10-11)
Well, there's more. For months, I've been saying that I'm going to take care of the aforementioned tasks. The Proverbs have a zinger for that one, too:
"All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty." (Proverbs 14:23)
Uh oh. Interesting that both passages talk about poverty -- a financial condition. Debt, anyone? I don't know if I would be financially better off if I completed my work (maybe if I got that book deal), but I do know my soul would feel richer. As things stand, I'm constantly worried about when I'm going to get things done. I think this weekend, I'll get going on paying off that debt. Then some day, maybe I'll be able to pay "cash" for that Saturday sleep-in.
Christmas is showing up all over the place whether you're ready for it or not. My son and I drove by a house in our neighborhood last night that already had their 20,000 plus Christmas light bonanza fully blazing. This is the time of year I start to feel like Thanksgiving has just become a quick meal on the way to Christmas. What happened?
"Thanksgiving has lost its cultural muscle," writes Eric Felton in a Wall Street Journalcommentary today. He adds, "The early advent of the Santa season may have less to do with the red-and-green imperative than with the weakness of Turkey Day."
His assessment of the state of Thanksgiving in the 21st century is worth reading:
Could it be we've lost our capacity for gratitude? A successful harvest occasioned thanks back when it was all that stood between us and a long, cold, hungry winter. But now we're divorced from the seasonal rhythms of the farm, where the harvest is celebrated as the payoff of all the year's labors. Even in the midst of this Great Repression we enjoy perpetual plenty. What resonance does a cornucopia have to people who have come to expect ripe blackberries in February? If anything, we should be more grateful, but that's not our nature. Anything we struggle for, we hold dear; anything that comes easy, we take for granted.
He goes on to capture the awkwardness of trying to enjoy a family feast when some of those around the table just want to moralize about the food:
Not only don't we celebrate the astonishing abundance that is our good fortune, we whine and moan about how it makes us fat.... And if that weren't enough to squeeze the pleasure from the day, no modern Thanksgiving is complete without a college student home from school, lecturing the family on the cruelty of meat. (To which the only appropriate response is: "Does that mean you don't want the drumstick?")
He ends with an invitation to enjoy a little more of the goodness of autumn and Thanksgiving before diving into Christmas:
... before we break out the ornaments and dust off the Vince Guaraldi soundtrack, let's make the most of autumn and its particular pleasures. Jump in a pile of leaves. Savor the waning daylight. And go ahead. Week after next, eat that second slice of pumpkin pie—just be thankful for it.
I'm writing you guys from the lovely island that my family has called home for 5 generations now. It may seem small to most people (just under 100 square miles), but I feel so blessed to live on one of (in my opinion) God's most beautiful creations. Now it's not perfect, I think the last single christian guy might have been spotted here around 1979, most people on the street would probably describe themselves as secular liberals, and we do have to take a 45 minute boat ride to get to "America"(or "Off-Island", as it's officially called here). But hey, it's my earthly abode, not Paradise.
My whole family loves reading "Boundless"! I don't really like reading off of a screen, so I print out articles and we pass them around. And the Podcast is terrific! The round table segment's my fave.
Thanks so much for all the work you guys are doing for the Kingdom. Your service impacts my life every day, so keep up the good work!
I’m writing this post from the amazing city of New York. The funny thing about this city is that my love for it varies depending on the time of day. For example, last night I loved walking around as soon as I arrived and finding some good food. But then when I was woken up unnecessarily early this morning by the construction worker outside belting out his favorite song in Spanish, well, the NYC love took a hit.
Ok but serenading construction workers aside, this is an awesome city. That really has nothing to do with the rest of my post but I just thought it would be fun to share.
It’s been a while since I’ve posted, but there’s something I’ve really been thinking about of late. It’s a lyric I heard recently written by musician James Hetfield. In the song “Low Man’s Lyric,” he sings this line:
My eyes seek reality. My fingers feel for faith.
The line really struck me the first time I heard it, and while it’s written in the context of a song about a man who has reached rock bottom, I think it’s an honest expression that many of us can relate to even if things aren’t going terribly.
So often in life I try to find a tangible outworking of some things. I want reality to be what I can see. I don’t want to think about the reality that is taking place beyond what I can see or know. “My eyes seek reality.” But that’s not always how it works.
His line on faith resonates with me even more – faith is easiest when I can feel it and many times because of that I expect my faith to line up with my emotions. “My fingers feel for faith.” But the truth is that the very nature of faith often requires me to trust despite how I feel. Like love, faith is so much more than just a feeling. That’s what makes it so beautiful, but it’s also why there are some days it requires more thought and effort.
Have you ever felt like the line Hetfield penned? Are there days where you’re searching for reality or can’t “feel” your faith? How do you work through those moments, or what have you learned through them?
Whenever something explicit or vulgar shows up in public, and some people object, you can always count on other people to come back with one line: "If you don't like to see it, just don't look at it."
But, of course, it's not that simple. Because it's everywhere now. So much so that even jaded media types are taking note. And they're not loving what they're seeing.
Take today's Washington Post story on "second-hand porn" -- AKA "drive-by porn" -- which is getting worse now that everyone carries video screens in public. Reporter Monica Hesse can't contain her revulsion. A sample passage:
Those afflicted with secondhand porn say it's not that they oppose adult entertainment. The trouble was knowing that they couldn't escape it, not until the plane landed or the Metro doors opened.
That, and the general haze of gross that seemed to descend on the public space, the filmy yuckiness that made them wish the sprinkler system would spontaneously activate.
That, and the feeling that came with knowing exactly what was on their neighbor's mind.
"At some point," Hesse quotes an English professor/mother as saying, "we've completely lost the ability to tell when it's socially appropriate and when it's not."
How did we get here? Go back to that earlier line: "Those afflicted with secondhand porn say it's not that they oppose adult entertainment...."
Well, they should oppose it. (And without using euphemisms like "adult entertainment.") Because that's where the problem started -- with a collective refusal to be "judgmental" toward "private" behavior. Once a society abandons the very idea of binding moral standards, the rampant pollution of "private" vice inevitably gets into the public air, and it keeps building till we're all choking on it.
So let's start a clean-up operation. Yes, I know: It seems hopeless. So what? Do it anyway. There are a countless everyday ways to make a start. I once saw an obscene T-shirt in the window of a Spencer Gifts. I urged the clerk to get it out of the window. He did. This hardly took a herculean effort: It took two minutes.
Holiday Hype -- 0:00 I'm starting to get a little anxious about all the things I need to do to get ready for the holiday season. And an anxious spirit is the antithesis of the kind you're supposed to have this time of year. So what are some steps we can take to minimize the distractions and maximize faith, family, and friends? Well, you can listen to this podcast for starters. This week, Lisa, Candice and Steve talk about being intentional as we approach Thanksgiving and Christmas.
The Screwtape Interview, Part 2 -- 15:32 Is C.S. Lewis's The Screwtape Letters relevant for this generation? It's a question Lisa discusses with the producer and director of Focus on the Family Radio Theater's audio production of the Lewis classic. (Btw, I need to plug the audio bumpers again this week. I think you're really going to like them. Pay close attention to the times after the titles because that's exactly where you can begin the audio clips.)
Purity Ring Fakeout -- 31:52 When people see a ring on your ring finger, there's a chance they'll assume you're married. And if you don't have a ring on your ring finger, there's a chance people will assume you're not married. In this week's Inbox, Candice Watters addresses both issues and the consequences of being irresponsible ring wearers and non-wearers.
A few nights ago I was talking with a friend -- we'll call her Jenny -- who has been spending some time with a certain single guy. They have mutual friends. He's new to her small town and doesn't know many people. And they share some common interests. Now, under ordinary circumstances, you might think this friendship has the potential for more. The thing is, this guy -- we'll call him James -- though very nice, is not a believer.
Because they don't share their faith in common, Jenny has looked upon her relationship with James as just a good friendship. In fact, as far as I can tell, her emotions have not slipped into entertaining even an inkling of romantic inclination. However, as all good male-female friendships tend to go, Jenny and James recently reached a crossroads in their friendship.
Jenny called to tell me that James has recently been releasing little flirty comments into the text-o-sphere. For example, "My friends asked me where my 'girlfriend' was tonight." And that wasn't the first time he'd dropped the g-word (girlfriend). Jenny asked me how she should broach the subject with James of her personal conviction not to date unbelievers.
This made me think of the times I have handled -- sometimes badly -- this situation. One time, at a party, a friend of a friend asked me if I would like to go out on a date. Knowing that he wasn't a Christian, I unfortunately blasted him with my bluntness: "I'm flattered, but I only date Christians."
After an awkward, squirming moment, he uncomfortably said, "And I'm definitely not one." Then he made an excuse to exit stage right. I knew the moment the words left my mouth that I hadn't been a great testimony in my response. At the same time, I couldn't think of what else to say. I'd told the truth.
Several years later, I found myself in a similar situation. I had struck up a friendship with a guy who was not a Christian, and he began making it clear that he had dating on his mind. This time I sent an e-mail, explaining that I had picked up on his attentions toward me and that I took dating seriously and considered a shared faith the most important factor. He took it well, and our friendship continues to this day.
If you hold the conviction not to date unbelievers, how do you communicate this in a graceful way? (For a primer on why shared faith is a biblical principle for relationships, I recommend Carolyn McCulley's article "Same-Lord Relationships.")
Thankfully, the day after we spoke, Jenny had a great opportunity to talk about her faith and view on relationships with James before he even asked her on a date. "I think he understood where I'm coming from and won't ask me out," she said. Now she is excited about the opportunity to be a testimony to James of what it looks like to be a godly, intentional single. How have you handled romantic offers from those who don't share your faith? How can Christian singles express grace in the turndown?
The World Wide Web has become the hottest place to build a church. A growing number of congregations are creating Internet offshoots that go far beyond streaming weekly services.
The sites are fully interactive, with a dedicated Internet pastor, live chat in an online "lobby," Bible study, one-on-one prayer through IM and communion. (Viewers use their own bread and wine or water from home.) On one site, viewers can click on a tab during worship to accept Christ as their savior. Flamingo Road Church, based in Cooper City, Fla., twice conducted long-distance baptisms through the Internet.
Zoll writes that advocates feel that the internet is "just another neighborhood where real relationships can be built" and that they feel "a religious duty to harness this new way for reaching the spiritually lost."
"We live in a day and age and a culture where people go to school online, bank online, date online and do other things online," said Kurt Ervin, who oversees the Internet campus for Central Christian Church, based in Henderson, Nev. "Why not create a platform for them to go to church online?"
Still, the author writes, "the staunchest critics say that true Christian community ultimately requires in-person interaction."
One of those critics is Mark Olson who, over at Evangel, lists three features of worship that virtual churches lack, and why we should be concerned about them.
Sacrifice. Olson writes, "The service is our offering to God and part of that sacrifice to God is of our time and our presence. Reducing that sacrifice to sitting before your computer screen in your proverbial pajamas certainly severely diminishes if not eliminates the sacrifice involved."
Holiness. "For myself, I fail to see how participation and contact with the Holy can be done by wire."
Contact with the liturgy and with the community. "We have 5 senses. A virtual service may serve, poorly, two (hearing and sight) ... man, created in the image of God is not purely rational and the organism and the meat of us is part of that image."
I think Olson makes some good points. For me lately, though, I've found the importance of the side-by-side church in its messiness.
My church and I are just going through a rough period right now. We're disagreeing on decisions. We're on different pages on program priorities. We're, too often, misunderstanding each others intentions and motives. And, sometimes, we're just annoying each other.
So much so that a few times in the past year I've wondered where that church that I have loved and treasured so much for the last seven years has gone.
It hasn't been fun or easy. But it has forced me to ask some tough questions. Could it be that God is allowing this time to work out my sanctification? Have I taken for granted the easier times? Am I just too spoiled to stick with it during the "bear with one another" times? Is there some serious selfishness that needs shaving off of me that only reveals its head during frustration?
I don't know all the answers, of course. I just know that when I rub shoulders with my fellow believers I have gotten both blessings and blisters -- and it could be that God is using both to mold me.
It seems a bit strange to me that I would come to treasure my church for the, shall I say, just "yuck" that we're going through. Stranger still that I would argue for the side-by-side church because of the "yuck" we have to go through sometimes. Still, I know, that online I can be polished and edited and not be bothered. But it's the bothering me -- it's the blisters -- that God is using the most right now. And I don't get that virtually.
Today is Veteran’s Day, the day we set aside to honor all those who have worn our country’s uniform.
We are engaged in two hot wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. The skill and dedication of our frontline medical personnel are saving more lives than ever, but the result is wounded veterans coming home and having to learn to live with horrific wounds that would have killed soldiers in earlier wars.
If a war might be said to have a signature wound, today’s would be missing limbs and severe brain injury due to these wars’ unique weapon: the improvised explosive device. The concussive violence of an artillery shell or a few pounds of C4 going off anywhere near you is unimaginable to those who haven’t experienced it. (Forget what you’ve seen in Hollywood.) Even for soldiers who escape without an obvious scratch, that concussion can do severe damage to soft tissues, particularly the brain.
The Veteran’s Administration, while often doing great work, has at times also shown scandalous neglect. Fortunately, the Washington Post exposé is improving the lot of our wounded warriors. But there’s more than needs to be done in terms of long-term care, and that’s where you come in.
Project Valour-IT raises money to provide wounded men and women with technology to help them heal and adapt to life after their wounds. Voice-controlled laptops, operated by speaking into a microphone or using other adaptive technologies, allow the wounded to maintain connections with the rest of the world.
Wii video game systems increase motivation and speed recovery when used under the guidance of physical therapists. And handheld GPS devices build self-confidence and independence by compensating for short-term memory loss and organizational challenges related to traumatic brain injury.
Project Valour is having a fund-raising challenge that runs through the end of today, Nov. 11, 2009. But even if you come to this page after that time, you can still donate. I know times are tough and money can be short, but if you want to say thanks to a veteran who was willing to give his or her life to protect your freedom, please consider sending a donation their way.
Relationships -- at least successful ones -- are full of give and take, adaptability and compromise. Most of us have heard jokes about leaving the seat up or whether the toilet paper should roll "over" or "under," but sometimes those annoying little habits can turn into romantic dealbreakers when one or both parties refuses to change even a little bit.
I remember several years ago having a conversation with a single coworker about the available bachelors we both knew. She was in her mid- to late-20s at the time, and I mentioned a never-married guy who was probably pushing 40. While this young woman was eager to meet that special someone, she still seemed hesitant. Pressed further, she said it wasn't the age difference that concerned her, it was the fact that this man -- nice as he was -- had spent more than half his life as a single adult.
"Most men that age," she said, "are too set in their ways."
She wasn't opposed to dating somewhat older men, she said, but experience had taught her that many longtime bachelors have developed habits they are reluctant or even unwilling to alter. Simply put, when you've lived on your own for some 20 years, you're bound to settle into a routine or two or 27.
I've made sweeping generalizations before, so I'm not about to do so now. Besides, since I got married at 26, I'm not able to address this topic based on my own experience. So I'll ask you, dear Boundless readers -- do you agree with this sentiment? Do you think that singles, male or female, become more resistant to change as they get older?
Now, lest you think of this post as yet another depressing reminder from Boundless of how hard it is to find a spouse once you've passed age 40, I hereby give you hope: Remember that coworker who passed on dating the fortysomething guy? Well, that same man later met a single mom with two kids and is now very happily married.
Did he likely have to make a few compromises as he made the transition from bachelor to husband and father? No doubt he did, but isn't that what healthy relationships are all about?
This is a photo of my dorm room here at Loma Linda University in Southern California.
I'm currently a student here in Occupational Therapy. I miss my family and friends back in Fresno, CA but I am so grateful and excited about being here :D
I often listen to Boundless podcasts here on my laptop on the weekends, and I am a daily reader of the Boundless Line.
Thank you for what you do! Boundless has been a wonderful resources for me (and my boyfriend) and I love telling people about you whenever I get the chance.
A few days ago, Ted did a post about grammatical abominations like "I could care less." I wanna play too. Only with a twist. I don't want to talk about grammar. I want to talk about the most abused words in the language -- the ones that have had their proper meaning most badly warped.
Take "adult" -- as in "adult movie." Could you get the meaning of the word more backwards? A Calvin and Hobbes strip captured it best. Calvin's looking at an ad for a movie with "adult situations" and wonders what that means. Hobbes speculates: "Probably things like going to work, paying bills and taxes, taking responsibilities...." (Then Hobbes wonders how these movies make any money.)
Or take "lovers." Typically, that means people having sex who aren't married -- at least not to each other. But what's love -- real love, not lust or passion -- got to do with that? The proper, non-prettified language here would be (to haul out some useful, biblical-style words) "fornicators" or "adulterers." Real love flows from God's love; it doesn't fly in the face of His Word.
DTSR (Defining The Sushi Relationship)
We should just establish it now. Our sushi relationship can't be exclusive. I just can't limit myself to one person. Believe me, it's not you...it's me. I mean, I like eating sushi with you, but I'm still young and I don't want to miss the possibility of other sushi relationships. We both need to move forward without feeling guilty. Please, just be careful as you're trying new rolls. I would hate for you to have an "Chili Roll" experience with someone else.
My heart (and stomach) will go on.
* * *
In case there is any doubt, this DTSR was a joke penned in jest by a witty pal. As a fun gesture, this particular friend (with whom I used to have sushi once or twice a quarter) presented our sushi bonus buy card to my husband as part of our wedding gift.
I'm not going to lie. It was my first thought after seeing the alleged gunman's name, Nidal Malik Hasan, appear in the initial reports of the murderous rampage at Fort Hood that left 13 dead and 30 wounded. I sort of expected to see news trickle in confirming my suspicions. But it didn't.
It seems the mainstream media (as well as Army spokespersons) would rather reflexively rule out Islamic terrorism than let anyone consider the possibility.
I don't know, maybe conjecture about motives is unwise when reporting on something like this. Though I saw a lot from the MSM about the gunman not wanting to be deployed and being teased because he was a Muslim.
The news is only now starting to trickle in about possible motives related to his Islamic beliefs. Eyewitness accounts verify that he praised Allah shouting "Allahu Akbar!" just before he opened fire on unarmed soldiers. And he was already under investigation from Federal authorities for comparing Islamic suicide bombers to soldiers who throw themselves on grenades to give their lives for their comrades. (More here.)
I know that none of this means definitively that this was an act of terrorism. We should pause while all the facts are gathered. But I can't help but think that ignoring the obvious is reflective of a society still unwilling to face the fact that there are Muslims living here who want to kill Americans in the name of Jihad.
And in case you think I'm being unfair to Muslims, consider the post-9/11 evidence of plots and attacks blogged about here by National Review's Victor David Hansen.
At the end of his of post, Hansen wonders how many more attacks against our soldiers and innocent civilians it will take before Americans begin resenting "the disconnect between what they are told to think and what they believe, on the basis of some evidence."
Last night I was chatting with a friend who is going through a painful break-up. As we talked about the loss he was feeling, he said, "I just don't want to be alone." None of us do.
I remember reading an article about loneliness a few years ago. The article talked about the decline of friendship in American society:
In Norman Rockwell's classic 1943 painting, "Freedom from Want," an extended family is gathered around the table to celebrate a holiday feast. Fast-forward 63 years to Thanksgiving [this year] and — while lack of food is still a problem for too many in this land of plenty — you are much more likely to find want of a different kind. More and more Americans are starving for significant relationships.
The article highlights a study published by the American Sociological Review that shows a "remarkable drop in the size of people's core network of confidants — those with whom they could talk about important matters." Twenty-five percent of Americans reported having no confidants at all — up from 10 percent in 1985. The article relates this trend to the decrease of marriage:
Perhaps the same thing that is sabotaging marriage is undermining friendship: our increasing unwillingness to commit to relationships that require sacrifice, mutual accountability, and a generous share of humility. That refusal is often not so much willful as fearful.
People may fear the commitment friendship entails, but they remain fascinated with it. The long-standing popularity of TV programs such as Cheers, Friends, and now Grey's Anatomy — which portray the lives of people in multilayered friendships — signals that fascination.
These types of friendships can be hard to come by in real life, but as followers of Jesus we have greater access to meaningful relationships through the body of believers. What would happen if we extended that family feeling to those who are suffocating from loneliness? Reaching the lost, the article points out, may be as simple as being a friend.
"God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing." —Psalm 68:6
First off, Boundless is awesome and so full of great resources and great people.
I am in Calgary, Alberta Canada nursing and loving it. I am on a journey of faith in following the call of God on my life to help in bringing new life into the world. Yes, you might have guessed it -- helping deliver babies. What an awesome opportunity and complete blessing!
I am excited to be starting my masters in nursing to become a midwife, a dream that was planted a while ago. God however loves to stretch us and mould us and teach us patience and dependence before he always gives us the desires of our hearts. I am excited for the journey and where it will lead, but I have a faithful and trusted shepherd.
Thanks for all that this web ministry does to bring people with similar beliefs and love for Christ together.
Not too long ago, I read on the front cover of a Christian college newspaper about a couple who had made their own marriage commitment, spur of the moment, by themselves, on a beach. They told friends and relatives about it later, after they'd secured a marriage license. The couple's justification for their seeming indiscretion was that they were "married in the eyes of the Lord."
Something about this article really troubled me. I suppose you could make a case that the couple had physically made a covenant before God by consummating their relationship. But, to me (and I'm guessing to their family and friends), it appeared to be a lack of self-control. In his article, "Is Living Together Really a Big Deal?" author Ed Gungor makes a similar observation:
Most of us know people who are in love, plan to marry and currently live together. It’s sort of the new premarital counseling program. I visited a church out West that had a “pre-marriage” ceremony for a couple living together. No license. No wedding dress. Just a prayer of blessing to hold them over until the couple walked down the aisle—a kind of marital “appetizer,” I guess. I asked the pastor why they did it. He said, “The couple believes they are married in the eyes of the Lord, and we just wanted them to feel affirmation in our community.”
What did I think about it? I was bummed about it. I actually believe that marriage needs to be public and people need to vow into it in front of those who matter to them—it’s not just a private matter in front of the Lord. Truth is, those who declare they are married “in God’s eyes” seem to reframe their claim when they break up with their live-in partner. Then they claim they were never “really married.” This makes me very dubious about the “married in the eyes of the Lord” doctrine.
Gungor gives one of the best explanations I've ever heard of the emotional and psychological reasons sex should be saved for marriage. Beyond that, he reaffirms the value of a public demonstration of marriage:
If a Christian couple loves each other enough to jump in the hay, I think they should get married in the eyes of God and the rest of us. Marriage is not a private sacrament; it impacts the whole community of faith. It’s the right thing to do, and disciples do the right thing. They don’t just live on love—emotions, feelings and hormones—they live on principles, beliefs and disciplines that develop character. Pagans (and children) only live for themselves—they live for the “now” and feelings alone.
There were moments during our engagement when my now-husband and I had to remind ourselves of the importance of self-control and living above reproach in the courtship process. And it came down to what Gungor expresses here: "Disciples do the right thing." We may be tempted to find loopholes, but in the end it is gratifying and beneficial ... and just plain right ... to follow God's way.
Dr. Dobson Leaving the Daily Broadcast -- 0:00 In this week's Roundtable, Lisa, Steve and I discuss Dr. Dobson's upcoming departure from the ministry he founded 32 years ago. Here's a portion of last week's press release announcing his decision:
Focus on the Family Founder and Chairman Emeritus James C. Dobson, Ph.D., will leave the ministry as its primary radio voice at the end of February, the ministry announced today.
Dr. Dobson's departure from the radio program and from official affiliation with the organization he founded in 1977 is just the "third chapter in a transition that began in 2003," when Dr. Dobson stepped down as Focus president, said Jim Daly, the ministry's president and CEO. It was a mutual decision between Dr. Dobson and the ministry's board of directors, which Dr. Dobson left in February of this year, Daly added.
This is a momentous occasion for Focus on the Family. But as Jim Daly said in the release, it "has never been about one man. That's why Dr. Dobson has always refused to have his name put on any building here. It's about doing the Lord's work in helping families."
The Screwtape Interview, Part 1 -- 9:05 I'm pretty much the only guy I know who hasn't read C.S. Lewis's The Screwtape Letters. Just never got around to that it I guess. But now thanks to Focus on the Family Radio Theatre I can pop in the CD featuring Andy Serkis (Gollum, The Lord of the Rings) on my way to and from work. In this week's Culture segment, Lisa interviews producer Dave Arnold and director Paul McCusker for a behind the scenes look at the making of the Lewis classic, including spiritual attacks. As a special treat, we've included audio excerpts of the production between the segments. So don't skip the bumpers this week.
Help! Women Keep Rejecting Me -- 24:47 What's the flip side to complaints from women about lack of male initiation? That's right, men whose initiative is often met with rejection. What's a guy to do when he's out there laying his heart on the line but keeps getting rejected for seemingly no other reason than mere preference? Well, Steve and Lisa offer some encouragement and practical wisdom for these brave risk-takers.
When I wrote Get Married, one of the key criticisms I hoped to answer was the notion that you can want marriage too much. I explained the problem this way,
Today there's an added reason women hide their desire for marriage. They've been told and retold that nurturing such a desire will not only scare men off, but worst of all, it may lead them to idolatry. I see and hear this warning a lot among Christians.... That wanting marriage is good "as long as you don't make an idol out of it."
I hoped we were gaining traction with all our talk on Boundless about biblical marriage being the antidote to idolatry in our romantic relationships. But this Sunday, during an excellent Reformation Day sermon, the guest pastor started talking about the dangers of good things becoming the ultimate things. First in his list of possible idols: marriage. I cringed.
Why? Because not all marriages are alike. And some are less idol-prone than others. But that rarely, if ever, gets said.
Knowing the credentials of the guest preacher (as well as his happy marriage and family life) and having utmost respect for his doctrine, I was surprised and disappointed. I suspect if I could talk to him and get some clarification, he'd say that what he meant was when we desire marriage in a non-biblical way, it can become an idol. And I'd agree with that.
The trouble is that he didn't state that distinction, and it's key. Especially in our churches, where marriage is so little taught and so often crumbling. The last thing couples need is a new reason to pour less of themselves into their relationships. And for singles, it's just further reason to be timid about getting married.
I was encouraged and renewed in my conviction that we often desire godly marriage too little, this morning while reading Gary Thomas's Pure Pleasure. He writes,
We shame singles by making them think it is a sin and idolatrous to desire marriage: "You should be happy in God alone!" But God designed most of us to marry. Acknowledging this desire isn't arrogant rebellion; it's humble surrender to his creative design.
He doesn't deny that earthly pleasures, marriage among them, "can blind us from God and steal our hearts away from him, and that good things can become bad things," but he does remind us that it's not inevitable.
If such pleasures [he's speaking specifically about those in Deuteronomy 8:7-9] would inevitably lead us away from God, he wouldn't give them.... [God tells us] how to responsibly enjoy pleasure in a way that brings us to God instead of pulling us away from God.... We embrace pleasures responsibly by enjoying them according to God's design... [and] we protect pleasure by acknowledging God.
The reason it's impossible to make a marriage as God designed it an idol is that such a marriage places God at the center of the relationship. Marriage in God's image is all about sacrifice and service; placing the other's needs ahead of our own, and all to the glory of God. Not only is such a relationship immune to being idolatrous, it's the solution to the twin epidemics of divorce and marital delay.
I wonder how many people hear the unqualified "marriage can be an idol" warning and think that applies to all marriages -- even those striving to fit God's design.
In it, Chapman talks about the death of his 5-year-old daughter, Maria Sue (a year and a half ago), his grief and the challenges to his faith, and how those have affected the music on his latest album, Beauty Will Rise.
Here's an excerpt from that interview:
That has been an important process, the whole thing of taking every thought captive and saying, God, this is what I choose to believe. Because I've found myself, especially in the first few days and weeks after Maria went to heaven -- and there's still moments of this -- that I could almost feel myself being sucked into this black hole of doubt and despair. Of saying, "God, if I let myself keep going in this direction, there seems to be no bottom, no end to this, and I'll never be able to escape from it."
At the hospital at Vanderbilt, literally within an hour of knowing that my little girl was in heaven with Jesus, I found myself having to make a choice, when I would start to feel myself and everything in me being sucked into this place, this abyss. I would begin to say, "Blessed be the name of the Lord. You give. You take away. But, God, I trust you. I trust you. You are faithful. You are good. I trust you. I trust you." And as I would say that, literally just choose to make that declaration in the midst of this, I would almost physically feel myself being pulled back from that place. And I'd start to breathe again.
But it wouldn't be long before I would go, "But, God, what? How could this happen? How are we ever going to survive?" And it's like here I go back into that black, dark place.
[Interviewer]:But there was a grace to even recognize that you were falling into that place.
Yes. That is the grace and the gift of God to be able, in that process, to make that choice. That's the crazy theology of all that—to even be able to make that choice to say, "God, I trust you," that is a gift of grace. But we're making that choice over and over again.
I was struck by how similar Chapman's words were to Angie Smith's. Angie is a mom, wife of a Christian musician, former Boundlesspodcast guest, and blogger who has written extensively about the death of her newborn daughter. Here, she writes about the moments immediately following an ultrasound that revealed her in utero daughter had multiple lethal conditions:
Todd went to get his mother in the waiting room, and the kind Belgian man asked me what I was thinking. I don't know where these words came from (actually I do), and I said, "I think that my Jesus is the same as He was before I walked into this room." He stared at me, not comprehending, but possibly relieved that whatever these silly notions were in my mind, at least they were keeping me calm until he could get out of harm's way. As my mother-in-law came in, I kept repeating, "He's no different, it's okay, He's no different..."
To the world, I imagine that such experiences seem foolishness. Look at those Christians, trying to convince themselves in their most vulnerable moments that there is a benevolent God who cares about them.
But as I read Chapman's interview, I thought about how he wasn't necessarily trying to convince himself that God is good. Rather, he was reminding himself.
Like the day I was driving in a blinding snowstorm from my office in Colorado Springs to my home in Denver. A driver pulled a u-turn in the middle of the highway, right in front of me, so I found myself with brakes locked up, headed straight for a deep ravine.
Turn into the slide, Heather. Turn into it.
No, my panic fought, don't do it! You'll end up wrecked in that ravine!
Heather, remember. Remember. You have to turn into it.
And I did turn into the slide. And I did gain control of the car at the last minute. And I did survive. Because I reminded myself of the truth. Despite what my mind, emotions and panic were telling me. The truth was going to save me.
I think it's the same with us. There will come, or may have already come, times that will push us to the very edge. Times that we feel forgotten or betrayed or when we just don't understand. At that time, like Chapman, we have to choose. Choose to remind ourselves of the truth. Our God is good. He is strong and He is love.
PluggedIn.com's Bob Waliszewski and Cheryl Wilhelmi discuss Michael Jackson's "This Is It." They also mention their new movie review show on the Gospel Music Channel, which happens to carry Bob's favorite TV shows "Sue Thomas F.B. Eye" and "Doc."
In a sense, I am my stories. And because we're all brimming with stories of our own, we love to hear other people's, too. They entertain. They inspire. They teach -- even if we don't always realize what they're teaching.
Jesuit psychotherapist Anthony de Mello wrote that "the shortest distance between a human being and Truth is a story" -- which may explain why the Bible is full of them.
So begins (well, kinda -- I deleted a couple of his first few sentences) the first article in Paul Asay's 8-part series that, as he wrote in a related blog, "explains why we at Plugged In do what we do."
It's a great intro to the topic of cinematic storytelling, something I brought up a couple of months ago in "Bedtime Stories." Over the next several weeks this octalogy is going to provide some fascinating food for thought and discussion.
Check out Paul's article. Then either leave a comment here or over on the Plugged In blog. If you've got a question specifically for Paul, and you'd rather not leave a comment, you can e-mail him directly at letters@pluggedinonline.com.
The other day I sat around a lunch table with a group of twenty-somethings. We got to talking about dating, and one girl made a very interesting point. "I think guys don't pursue the way we women want them to because they're getting their needs met through many different women and waiting for the non-existent all-in-one superwife."
Someone asked her to explain what she meant.
"Well," she said, "a guy may have one girl who makes him laugh, another with whom he can have deep conversation and still another that offers him encouragement."
I'm not relaying this conversation to put blame on guys, because I think women do this, too. At least I did. As a single, I had a guy friend to run with, a couple of guys I had dinner with every few months and another male friend with whom I could enjoy theological discussions over coffee. Part of surviving and enjoying life as a single is having meaningful relationships with members of the opposite sex. And these friendships do meet needs to a certain level.
The important question is: Do these relationships hinder people, men in particular, from engaging in intentional, one-woman relationships? Does it stave off the craving for a sole companion to the point where guys lose the desire to pursue? Or, like the twenty-something woman at my lunch table speculated, does this kind of diversifying make men (or women) discontent with an individual who possesses less than ALL the qualities he (or she) is getting from many people?
I don't know the answer. If this is the case, though, what can be done to end this consumer-based kind of relationship-building? How can singles reserve enough of themselves to be drawn to intentional relationships that offer them something they're not currently getting from a variety of sources?
Say that you sign a petition to put a controversial issue on an election ballot -- the sort that inflames passions and provokes reactions from the rage-filled fringe. How would you like it if your name had to be splashed onto the Internet for anyone and everyone to see?
The case in question comes in Washington State, where opponents of "domestic partner" laws gathered 138,000 signatures to put such laws on the ballot for Tuesday's elections. Some gay groups want courts to order all those names to be published online. And some of them semi-candidly say that the purpose is to force signers into "uncomfortable" conversations, to "shame" them.
I say "semi-candidly" because if they were really candid, they'd use the word that fits best: intimidation.
Lots of Californians who supported last year's Proposition 8, which affirmed marriage as a union between one man and one woman, can tell you all about intimidation. Widespread harassment has been amply documented. Now just imagine what would happen if anyone who so much as signed a petition could be a target of any angry person with a search engine. How many people would risk signing then?
Right.
It's tragically ironic that gays -- who so long have complained (often with good reason) of being victims of intimidation, living in fear, feeling forced into the closet -- should now seek to use it as a weapon themselves against those who hold to dissenting viewpoints on the issue of homosexuality in our culture. If anyone should understand how wrong these tactics are, it's gay activists and their allies. And a few of them do. But most of them don't. Or they just don't care.
It's not clear whether petition signers will be thrown to the wolves. That's in the courts right now and no doubt will be for a while. But something else should be crystal clear. Christians and others who warn that gay activists threaten their freedom are far from paranoid. And this is just the latest example. People who try to label the moral consensus of most human history as "hate" aren't just trying to expand their own freedom. They're also trying to shove their critics into the closet.
This is a picture of me exploring some local ruins. I have been living in a small village in Southern Mexico for about a year now. The people can speak and understand some Spanish but when they are scared, confused, angry, or even just really happy they always switch to the Z. Language. I am working as part of a team to make Jesus Christ accessible to this people group in their heart language. Please pray for God's work here!
I starting reading and listening to Boundless right after I moved here. I have listened to all the old podcast and I look forward to downloading the newest podcasts each time I go into the city. Thanks so much for all you guys do! God Bless you and the Boundless Ministry!
I have to force myself to help friends move, show up early to church to set up chairs and make meals for people who need them. But I do ... force myself. Because it seems clear from Scripture that we're all on the hook to be the hands and feet of Jesus to others through acts of service.
Though I try not to hide behind it, I've never considered myself to have the "gift of helps." But Friday's post on "Stuff Christians Like" challenges the notion of this "gift:"
A couple years ago I got in a heated argument with a fairly well-known Christian author when he was guest speaking in our Sunday school class. He was talking about how we each have spiritual gifts, which is totally valid, but by way of example he happened to mention that you would never find him sweeping up the church because he didn’t have the “Gift of Helps.”
I suggested that the idea of a gift of “Helps” was invented by people who were too lazy to pitch in and help out around the church. I asked him if he was seriously suggesting that he couldn’t put a chair away because he didn’t have that spiritual gift. “I see that those chairs need to be put away, and I’m just standing here. I wish I could help, I really do. If only God had blessed me with the Gift of Helps!”
I think this concept has been abused. After all, aren't all believers called to help one another? I wrote about this in "Useful Christian:"
Everyone has something to contribute to God's work (Romans 12). Part of the challenge is just showing up. While the Bible doesn't come out and say, "Make yourself useful!" the concept is implied. The imagery of a body, in which each limb, organ and muscle does its part, reinforces the idea that you should be doing simply what you are able.
In a day of sophisticated spiritual gifts tests and leadership training, some Christians may feel like they have little to offer. Others may feel that pulling weeds, making peanut butter sandwiches or holding babies doesn't properly utilize their "gifts."
When I'm tempted to think certain tasks are not worth my time, I remember my pastor. Most Sundays I see him pushing carts of chairs long after service has ended. It's a task any able bodied person could do, but Pastor is quick to pitch in wherever there is need.
Spiritual gifts should not be used as excuses to abandon the more practical, daily offerings of the Christian life. Sometimes washing a sink of dishes speaks louder than preaching a sermon.
Copyright 2009 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. The Line and Boundless Line are trademarks of Focus on the Family.
Recent Comments