So it’s Halloween again. I haven’t thought much about the day since my kids outgrew it about 10 years ago. Still, I wonder if it’s me or if the holiday has changed.
When I was a kid, the entire neighborhood swarmed with kids in costumes, going from door to door with plastic pumpkins to hold their treats. Don’t go to that house. She’s giving out RAISINS! We used to really go all out on our costumes, too. One year my brother was The Mummy and wrapped himself from head to toe in strips from a cotton sheet. (This mummy was a slight shade of pink, since that’s the only old sheet my mom would let him use.) He started to unravel midway through the night and went home early because he’d become so frustrated. I was a mad scientist that year, complete with rubber bald wig, lab coat, and two beakers of water and dry ice to simulate a frothing mad-scientists experiment.
Even though there are a fair number of kids in my neighborhood, few go door to door anymore. I think it’s a combination of paranoid parents and the fact that shopping malls now offer indoor trick-or-treating. It might also be because a lot of people just turn out all the lights and don’t answer the door. The one constant, though, is the late-night ring of the doorbell, just as you’re getting ready for bed. At the door is a group of sullen teenagers who don’t even bother with a costume and just stand there with a pillowcase, expecting freebies.
My dad didn’t carve mere jack-o-lanterns with triangular eyes and a crude mouth with square teeth. He used a razor to shave layers from the thick pumpkin skin, forming a complex three-dimensional face, kind of like this, except he’d use paint and dye to bring out the details. No one puts out jack-o-lanterns anymore since so many wind up being vandalized. But they do something quite unknown when I was young: decorating their entire front yard in a Halloween theme, each trying to out-Griswold the other with fake tombstones, ghosts, and assorted monsters.
The other thing different is schools now have Halloween parties, although I wonder how long that will continue. When I was a kid we didn't have Halloween parties; we had Christmas parties. Go figure.
Even adult Halloween parties seem to be a thing of the past. I did attend one when I worked in Washington, DC. A colleague, a sci-fi buff, came in a Star Trek uniform. It was a red shirt, and he’d burned a perfectly circular hole through the uniform’s midsection. “It’s a phaser blast,” he explained. “I’m the expendable crew member!”
Up to this point I’ve deliberately avoided the entire subject of whether Christians should even participate in Halloween. Focus on the Family takes no position on the topic, since some constituents see no harm in their kids playing dress-up and having fun so long as nothing occult or Satanic is involved. Others think that we should stay as far away as possible from anything that smacks of Satanism or witchcraft. Yet others see the opportunity to drop a few evangelistic tracts or copies of Clubhouse into the bucket along with the candy. (And don’t even think about not including candy if you choose to do this.) Still others use the occasion to have a Harvest Festival at their church. That’s what my church did some years. It’s good fun, good food, with a generous dose of square-dancing thrown in.
So what about you? Any good or bad Halloween memories? Do you celebrate it at all? Why or why not?
Toys of Christmas Past -- 0:00 Lisa came up with the Roundtable topic this week while shopping for her nephew's 10th birthday party. Since it's coming on Christmas, she thought it'd be fun to share our favorite memories of toys growing up and how much they've changed over the years. My absolute favorite toy growing up was the G.I. Joe action figure. You know, the big 11-inch ones from the 70's with 21 moving parts, not the little 3-inch lame ones from the 80's. Yeah, I had the footlocker with camouflage, weapons and communication tools like walkie-talkies and field phones. Good times.
Bob the Tomato, Part 2 -- 16:42 Part 1 of our interview with Phil Vischer was a real cliff hanger. In case you missed it, listen here. And then listen to the conclusion this week about what happens when someone with a big vision has big success, then everything falls apart ... and then has another big vision.
My Boyfriend Says He Doesn't Want Children When He Gets Married -- 33:55 This isn't a gender thing. I'm sure there are men out there who've faced this difficult situation. Everything seems to be going well in your dating relationship until you begin having deeper conversations and he or she drops a bomb like this. So what to do? Well, as you could have guessed, Candice Watters and Lisa Anderson have something to say about it.
By the way, loved the Rush of Fools bumper music this week. I think you will too.
I just got back from a luncheon with our local college football booster's club. We had two speakers, and they were a real study in contrasts.
First up was the football coach himself, who's mired in a nightmarish losing streak (nine straight games against Division 1 opponents): The calls for him to lose his job are mounting. He's still plenty determined and fiery as he does his best to keep players and fans motivated. Even so, it's obvious that he's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.
The second speaker was the basketball coach, whose season is about to get under way. His team is riding a wave of good feeling, buoyed by exciting recruits who are joining a solid core of veterans, and the fans can't wait to see the season start. This coach was lighthearted, peppy, funny: He's clearly enjoying the game, and enjoying life.
Such are the ups and downs of coaching big-time sports at a big-time school. Two years ago, the coach's roles were reversed. The football team surprised everyone by going to the Rose Bowl, and the coach was a local hero. The basketball team slid downhill, and fans grumbled that the coach had to go. And so it goes, pretty much everywhere.
When things are going badly, I always feel sympathy for the coaches and their families. I also feel revulsion for many of the fans -- not the ones who are merely dissatisfied (that's legit), but the ones who gripe in a spirit that shows no regard for what the coaches and players are going through. I'm especially bugged to see that spirit among people in church. When they're talking sports, some of them don't seem to feel bound by Christian charity.
When times are tough, I'd love to see more people give the coaches a pick-me-up. And of course, the principle applies to every part of life besides sports. So let's play Barnabas. Look around and see who needs some encouragement. Odds are you won't have to look far. Odds also are that the simplest pick-me-up will mean a lot to them. A little encouragement goes a long way.
Just a heads up, the Albert Mohler radio program today features a conversation that Lisa Anderson and I pre-recorded with Dr. Mohler last week about how singles can prepare for marriage.
If you haven't been routinely listening to the Albert Mohler program, today's show would provide a great sampling of this outstanding broadcast. Few theologians are as intentionally engaged in cultural headlines and trends as Dr. Mohler (especially in so many different media outlets) and more importantly, few cultural commentators offer solid Biblical analysis as consistently as Dr. Mohler does.
If you visit the Website for the program, you can get details on catching the show live, via podcast or on a station in your area. You can also sign up for Dr. Mohler's daily link list--an email update of news headlines that I've found to be one of the best aggregators of news that's essential to people of faith.
I should probably go ahead and confess to Boundless readers who are big Lisa Anderson fans (and you know who you are) that Lisa doesn't get a whole lot of air time during the first two segments. Unfortunately, the "going to break" music chimes in just as Lisa starts to answer questions during those segments. But she finally gets to open up with some classic Lisa insights in the final segment--so stick with it.
Check it out and come back and join the conversation here about the issues raised on the show. In the meantime, don't miss today's article by Dr. Mohler, "The Marks of Manhood" (as well as the article we featured last week: "The Seduction of Pornography.")
It took me eight years to move from high school graduation to college graduation. I wasn't all that focused, and I just didn't have the finances. But more than that, I didn't really know what I wanted to do with my life.
At first, I wanted to be an electrical engineer. A semester of EE classes at Michigan Tech talked me out of that. Then I thought maybe I'd be a musician. My folks talked me out of that. Then I took some time off -- a couple of years, living in Mexico, working in Houston, designing cable TV systems in the UP of Michigan, dreaming about floating down the Mississippi in a raft.
Finally, I buckled down and went back to college, a nearby state university, and completed degrees in English and Spanish. Still feeling unprepared to enter to working world, and still unmarried, I went to grad school in Virginia and spent another four years earning a couple more degrees.
Throughout the entire educational process, my vision for what I wanted to do with my life fluctuated. At one point, I even considered law school. But in retrospect, I can see how the Lord guided my decisions to bring me to where I am at this moment, as editor of Boundless writing a blog post on college and career.
I bring all this up because of an e-mail I received earlier today from a Boundless reader. He's given me permission to excerpt it here:
I am an undeclared sophmore in college at South Dakota State University. For the past two years I have prayed for God to guide me in the right direction, just show me where He wants me. I have made little progress in the past two years.
Now that I have completed all my generals, it comes time to choose a major. I have tried to get a good grasp on my skills, but feel that I do not stand out in any category. I am at a crossroads; do I stay in school aimlessly or leave school for who knows how long and lose my scholarships? I continue to pray for guidance, but like I say little progress has been made.
I am on my last straw. I hope that you can either help me out or suggest to me some other route to get what I am looking for.
Reading this e-mail, I'm reminded of something Boundless author Jenny Schroedel wrote for a forthcoming article:
If you're not sure what to do next, consider Frederick Buechner's advice. He says to search for your vocation at "the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." You know you've found your own deep gladness when you lose track of time when you're engaged in your work. You know you've found work that meets the needs of an aching world when you discover ways that your work can bring comfort, help or healing to others.
My educational journey was pretty unintentional, pretty ambiguous. I'm encouraged that the Lord worked within my aimlessness. For most, though, I think it'd be helpful to seek clarity about "the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet."
I want to open this up to you. I want to hear how you've come to discern your vocation, how you've made decisions about what to study in college. Maybe you took a variety of classes outside your declared major, in order to see what resonated with you. Maybe you took time off to work. Maybe you took tests or asked advice from mentors. Maybe you're still unsure about what to pursue. Whatever it is, please share your educational and vocational journey with us.
The Value of Rest by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin on 10/28/2009 at 1:19 PM
My first three years of college I was an achiever. I worked hard to do well in all my classes, became student newspaper editor and earned several scholarships. For me, everything seemed within grasp if I just worked hard enough ... including spiritual goals.
When I suddenly fell ill to Lyme disease as a senior, I began to see how warped my thinking was. All of a sudden, I wasn't able to work hard and accomplish things. I had to rely on the mercy of others to even manage 12 credit hours. Many times my energy felt like that Old Testament widow's jar ... it refilled just enough to get me through each day. This setback drastically altered my view of my worth. I had put a lot of stock in my ability to do things and even viewed my value to God in my performance. As a sick person with little to give, I came to discover my value came from who I was, not what I could do.
In today's featured article "Craving Crisis," Kara Schwab describes a similar epiphany:
Somehow I was letting what I was doing for God give me purpose, instead of simply being His child. I must have believed that by doing more, I could prove my love to God, earn His love and feel good about myself. The problem is, the older you get and the more your faith matures, the more you realize you're not a super hero or a super Christian, but just a big, worthless windbag of sin. And what pierces you is not the shame of it all, but the truth that even with all that wind, there's nothing you can do to further fan the flame of Christ's incredible and passionate love for you.
I would say I discovered I was more than a "worthless windbag of sin" trying to make up the difference through superhuman effort. No, I was far from worthless. But my worth came from the price Jesus paid to reconcile me to Himself. There was nothing I could do to render myself more or less valuable to Him. During that time, a professor said to me, "Sometimes God humbles those with gifts, because they find too much value in them." That was true for me. Through my illness God tore me down to my foundation and began rebuilding.
As Kara points out, some people get a buzz off of averting crises and doing it all. But eventually you will not be able to do it all, and what then?
Now, I find that what I crave is balance. And while I still enjoy a heart-thumping mountain-top experience as much as anyone else, I'm finding more meaning in the hike that gets me there. Balance is something I'll always have to actively pursue. Only now I know this pursuit begins by resting at the feet of Jesus.
That kind of rest can be a slippery thing to grasp. But there's power in recognizing your limitations and realizing that what you can or can't do matters less than we think. God does His thing regardless of our abilities. And He invites us to peace and satisfaction. Something far better than the crisis.
Good Pleasure by Candice Watters on 10/28/2009 at 9:00 AM
Getting married and making babies are such earthy activities, they sometimes make pious people uncomfortable. I love the earthiness of God's creation. Maybe it's the influence of my Jewish grandmother.
Whatever the reason, I'm excited about Gary Thomas's new book, Pure Pleasure. In it, he talks about God's gift of pleasure and the way godly pleasures protect us from sin. In Tuesday's featured Boundless article based on this book, "Enjoying the Earth without Loving the World," Gary writes,
... many Christian teachers persist in setting God's earth up against God's Kingdom — as if the two always oppose one another. We celebrate redemptive activities like prayer and worship, but then pit them against other human realities like marriage, exercise, traveling, reading for pleasure, and laughter.
God isn't just our redeemer, however; he is also our creator. He made us and He made this world. So when we participate in this world as He made it, we celebrate him every bit as much as we honor Him when we do things that reflect His redeeming work.
Redeemed by Jesus, I am finally set free to truly enjoy and participate in the things of this earth without becoming sinfully entangled by them.
How many times are singles told that they have to stop really "wanting" to get married before God will bring them a spouse? This stupidity not only depicts a taunting, teasing God (finally giving us something only after we've stopped wanting it), but it also undercuts the beauty of true marital intimacy, designed by God and generously given to us by God.
Keep in mind, Adam walked with God, enjoyed God, worshiped God, and talked with God far more intensely and directly than we do today. And yet it was God who said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him" (Gen. 2:18).
Catch this: God is literally telling Adam, "It is my opinion that the way you are living — just me and you — is not enough, at least not for now. It isn't good for you to be here with just me and no companion, so I'm creating someone else, a woman, with whom you can share your life and relate to me together."
Brothers and sisters, God told Adam, in one sense, "I'm not enough." Those aren't my words; they're His.
PluggedIn.com's Bob Waliszewski reviews new releases Amelia and Astro Boy as well as a not-so-new release that's tearing it up at the box office, Paranormal Activity.
Married! by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin on 10/27/2009 at 6:00 AM
This past weekend, Kevin and I celebrated six weeks of being married. I never did write about my wedding here, because I was waiting for the photos -- which came glorious and gift-wrapped on Friday.
I suppose I appreciated my wedding more than some. After all, during the past decade, I have actively waited, avoided being buddies, navigated painful false starts, sought to shed my single identity baggage and come to recognize my position as a vessel of honor. This makes me no expert on singleness, just as meeting Kevin and marrying him makes me no expert on getting married. But it does make me feel deeply grateful for what God has done in bringing my husband and me together.
Kevin and I got married on a horse farm in Larkspur, Colorado. My mom grew up on a Colorado horse ranch, so the setting was perfect. September 12 dawned cold and dreary, preventing us from having the outdoor wedding we had planned. But there was no dampening our spirits. We simply arranged the chairs inside one of the barns.
When we were planning our wedding, Kevin and I had two goals. First, we wanted the gospel to be proclaimed. Second, we wanted every piece of the ceremony to celebrate the unique story God had written in our lives. Because Kevin and I met while I was wearing a Wordless Book bracelet, we gave them out as our favors and had our pastor explain the gospel story behind them as part of his message. We also invited six individuals/couples who are close to us to stand and bless us, using Scriptures they had specifically chosen to commission our marriage.
I think before I was married, and particularly when no guy was in the picture, I wondered if I would feel drastically different once my husband came on the scene and especially once I was married. But the transition was surprisingly fluid. My wedding day was much like the rest of my life. Yes, it was a huge celebration of what God had done and the gift He had given, but it was also clearly a new position from which I (and Kevin) could glorify Him. Our very marriage shouted loud and clear about the kind of God we serve -- One who is generous, loving and creative. One of Kevin's unsaved friends has since asked about going to church with us.
And that was the best part about my wedding day -- that others got to witness the great thing God had done. In "Vessel of Honor" I wrote about how the shuttle driver prayed for me. In that same prayer he asked God to give me a husband who shared my heart for children. Kevin was that man. Lisa recently rode in the shuttle with Tony and gave him the update. "Glory be to God!" he shouted. I couldn't agree more.
Our friend Tim Challies announced today that he'll be writing a series of articles to help young men detoxify from pornography's effects. Here, Tim explains some of his motivation for writing this series:
My great concern with young men today (which is really more a concern for their young wives) is that they may perhaps inadvertently or perhaps intentionally pornify the marriage bed. They may bring impurity to the pure, selfishness to the selfless. Having given themselves over to pornography, they have had their whole perception of sexuality altered, shaped by professional pornographers. They may be imposing on their young brides the impossible expectation of a porn star. With the vast majority of young men having been exposed to pornography (at least 90% according to recent studies), with a large percentage of them having been addicted to it and with many enjoying it still as they enter into marriage, they need to have their understanding and their expectations reset according to the One who created sex.
I think this series may also prove helpful for men and women who're bringing a sexual history with one or more partners into marriage. Because sin corrupts all the sexual pleasure you experience outside of God's intended purposes. Sexual baggage in all its forms bring with them their own "impossible expectations."
Being a woman, and an American, I thought this might make for some interesting reading. After all, I'd like to know my state.
For the article, Time collaborated with the Rockefeller Foundation to conduct a "landmark study of gender attitudes in a changing economy." It was under these poll results that I saw the caption.
"Working Mothers Are Broadly Accepted ..." read one caption listing the following findings (and the "..." was theirs, not mine):
Seventy-four percent of men and 84% of women say women with children are just as committed to their jobs as women without children. Seventy-two percent of black women strongly agree vs. 57% of Latino women and 55% of white women.
Fifty-six percent of men and 63% of women strongly disagree with the idea that mothers cannot be as productive at work as fathers. This isn't to say there are no trade-offs: 25% of men and 26% of women say that women who work outside the home have less time and attention for their marriage or relationship. And men and women differ over the cost: 26% of men strongly agree that it is harder for a mother who works outside the home to establish a warm and secure relationship with her children than it is for a mother who does not work outside the home; 19% of women strongly agree.
Then the next caption read: "... And Yet, People Hold on to Traditional Visions for Family Life." It then listed these findings:
In the 1970s, a majority of children grew up with a stay-at-home parent; now that figure is less than a third. A large majority -- 70% of men, 61% of women -- believe this has had a negative effect on society. Fifty-seven percent of men and 51% of women agree that it is better for a family if the father works outside the home and the mother takes care of the children. Asked to rank what they value most for their own daughters, 63% of men and 56% of women put a happy marriage with children first; 17% of men and 23% of women said an interesting career; and 15% of men and 20% of women said financial success.
Acknowledging that polls aren't the Word, I found this fascinating. In other sections of the poll, the majority of Americans responded that women working was a positive thing for society, that they are comfortable with a family where a woman earns more than a man and they reject the notion that "women need to behave more like men to be taken seriously in the workplace."
Still, there's that "and yet ..."
It's as if we all understand that both men and women are capable and intelligent. They can do many of the same jobs. Women can do some of them better. But, when the blessing of children comes, what then? Just because women can perform just as well in the workplace, does that mean it's best for her, for the family and for the kids?
The majority of Americans don't seem to think so.
Also interesting to me was the priorities Americans had for their daughters. Overwhelmingly, they wanted them to have a happy marriage with children. Yet, is that the message we're sending? Are we teaching our daughters and young women how to have fulfilling marriages? Or do we emphasize education and career and just hope that their family lives will fall into place?
I keep seeing previews for this end-of-the-world movie 2012. What I didn't know till the other day, though, is that it's not just a movie: It's part of a whole craze that pinpoints the end of the world in that year, including some 200 books and countless Internet rumors. In other words, someone out there -- lots of someones -- is taking this seriously.
Why, why, why? That's not just an expression of exasperation. I really want to know. Especially since so many Christians don't seem to be immune from similar stuff -- notwithstanding Jesus' clear statements that trying to pinpoint when this world will end is a waste of our time.
I won't pretend to have the whole answer. But a big part of it, I think, is simply that these people are bored. They want a sense of excitement in their lives, and nothing's more exciting than the end of the world. Incidentally, I think this boredom also accounts for why many people get caught up in various media-hyped scare stories that seemingly have a more respectable pedigree.
Call it the Warhol corollary to the dictum stated by military theoretician Carl von Clausewitz, who said that war was a continuation of politics by other means. Instead of armed conflict, we now have art as the continuation of politics by other means.
I wasn’t going to comment at first when I heard that the White House was directing the National Endowment for the Arts, a supposedly nonpartisan government agency, to draft the “arts community” into stumping for its political causes. This violates several laws, most particularly the Hatch Act, never mind the spirit of the law that created the NEA. (I like that in addition to soliciting artists, marketers and taste-makers, they also wanted to include “just plain cool people,” which makes me wonder why I wasn’t called.) I resisted commenting even after the White House denied politicizing the NEA and then got caughtlying about it.
But I finally had enough when I saw that they hadn’t learned their lesson. This time, instead of going after anti- bourgeois, soul-patched bohemians, they targeted TV producers, some of whom seemed all too eager to be this administration’s lapdogs. (This, by the way, isn’t the first time something like that has been tried.)
The Obama administration’s attempted politicization of every aspect of American life, its demonizing of anyone who disagrees with it and its creation of enemieslists, is disturbing. Equally troubling is the fact that some of the Web sites recommended by their TV blitz include the likes of Planned Parenthood (“Planned Parenthood Los Angeles is currently seeking adults to volunteer as our High School Speakers”) as well as organizations with tendentious axes to grind on everything from the Iraq war to 9/11.
But that’s not my main point here. It’s that anytime artists allow themselves to be used by those in power, their art inevitably suffers. Plato, in his Republic, argued that even the best art makes for bad politics. Kierkegaard said that government-subsidized art was debased art and the artist who accepted government money had demeaned his soul.
At its worst, art produced to push a point of view is littlemore than propaganda, fascinating to look at but never held in awe the way a great painting, play, or symphony would be. I would think a true artist would want to stay as far away from it as possible.
But then again, some in the so-called “arts community” are not artists at all. Sure, they see themselves as cultural rottweillers, ready to “speak truth to power,” but in reality they’re nothing of the sort. They’re poodles, hacks and poseurs who are great at attitude but who are suddenly mute when those in power happen to see the world the same way they do. The money that comes along with it is pretty nice, too.
You Should Know by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin on 10/23/2009 at 10:13 AM
A couple of years ago, I wrote an article called "What Girls Wish You Knew." The motivation behind writing this piece was the Christian guys I knew who would make great husbands but were unknowingly doing or saying things that alienated the women around them.
The thing was, these guys tended to blame their lack of options on the wrong problems. The qualities I called for included:
Show some respect
Love your family
Take initiative
John Thomas wrote the complement piece (which received far more hits) called "What Guys Wish You Knew." Among the morsels John offered:
Drop the mask
Less criticism, more support
Remember the good guy
If you are a single guy, what do you wish the girls around you knew? If you are a single woman, what do you wish you could tell guys?
Road Rage -- 0:00 What happens to people when they get behind the wheel of a car? It seems the slightest inconvenience can turn the nicest person into Bilbo Baggins from that scene in Lord of Rings when he sees the ring around Frodo's neck. I don't know about you, but it describes me perfectly. Right down to the shame he feels when he comes to his senses. Well, in this week's Roundtable, we share our ungracious failings in the car and try to get to the bottom of this phenomenon.
Bob the Tomato -- 17:25 The co-creator of Veggie Tales (and voice of Bob the Tomato), Phil Vischer, visited Focus on the Family last week and we got a chance to interview him about his rise and fall and rise again story. In part one of this two part series, Phil shares how he envisioned himself as the Christian Walt Disney and how that was different than what God had planned for him.
Friends Don't Ask Friends Out to Dinner -- 32:55 I'm going to share a tip for all the single guys out there that may ruin the surprise ending (not really) to this Inbox segment from Candice Watters: Do not ask a girl out to dinner unless you're interested in pursuing her as a potential spouse. Period. If you need companionship, get together with your buddies. If you need to eat, stop by McDonald's on the way home from work.
Note: And please guys, if you're thinking about writing to complain that we're bashing men again, don't. These are the Inbox questions we get. If you have some questions of your own about the mysteries of the fairer sex, we'll be happy to answer those as well.
So every Thursday I send out the weekly Boundless e-newsletter. Along with a review of the latest articles, blogs, podcast and other stuff, I write an engaging editorial.
This week I thought it'd be fun to give a shout-out to our Facebook fans. So that's exactly what I'm going to do -- simply "fan" us over on Facebook, and leave a comment letting me know that you want a personal mention in today's e-newsletter, and if you get in before I finish writing it, you'll be in it.
Good times. Good community. Good grief. That's Boundless.
Meet Your Pastor by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin on 10/22/2009 at 10:35 AM
My last published article "Quarantining a Generation" discussed the difficulty single young adults in their 20s and 30s have fitting into churches. Today's featured article, "Plugging Into the Church" gives practical ideas for making your church family feel like, well, family.
For me, feeling at home in the church has been a journey. One suggestion I give in the article is to get to know your pastor, something that I was hesitant to do for some time. Once I did make a move, the result was encouraging.
Last year, I made an effort to talk to my pastor almost every week after church. We graduated from the same small Bible college, so that gave us some common ground. Each week I would tell him something I liked about the sermon or share a story about my kids' Sunday school class. Soon he knew my name and would approach me and ask how I was doing.
When I became engaged to Kevin earlier this year, my pastor told me he had been praying for a godly spouse for me. This meant a lot, since I go to a church with 1,200 members. Most pastors want to get to know the people in their churches. But they may need you to take the first step.
October is Clergy Appreciation Month. What better time to take the first step to get to know your pastor? Invite he and his wife out for coffee. Introduce yourself after church. Invite your pastor's family over for dinner or invite them to join you for a special event. How have you connected with your church leadership?
I don't know. Maybe it's me. But the list of people boldly speaking out against Christians (and Christianity in general) seems to be growing. I guess it's to be expected. But c'mon, sportswriters complaining about the TimTebows of the world expressing their faith? Lame.
Urban Meyer, Tebow's coach at Florida, has praised his quarterback's faith-promoting ways as "good for college football ... good for young people ... good for everything." Such is the rhetoric usually heard from those who defend sports-world Christianity as wholesome and harmless.
But should we be pleased that the civic resource known as "our team" — a resource supported by the diverse whole through our ticket-buying, game-watching and tax-paying — is being leveraged by a one-truth evangelical campaign that has little appreciation for the beliefs of the rest of us?
Krattenmaker's article is meant to incite people against Christians and Christianity. For example, he exaggerates a conversation between a Baseball Chapel leader and a player about his concern that his former girlfriend's soul is in danger to write, "Witness the incident with the Washington Nationals baseball team in 2005, when the Christian chaplain was exposed as teaching that Jews go to hell." Please, do go witness. Read the whole thing. You'll see that the only thing that's "exposed" here is Krattenmaker offense at the claims of the gospel.
On his blog last Friday, Dr. Albert Mohler calls this type of anti-Christian sentiment "undoubtedly a sign of things to come."
The belief that Jesus is the only Savior and that salvation comes only to those who come to Christ by faith is essential to Biblical Christianity. As Krattenmaker rightly observes in his book, when it comes to historic Christianity this belief is "hardly fringe or half-baked." Yet, it is precisely this doctrine that is so odious and inconceivable to the postmodern mind.
Dr. Mohler goes on to warn that sports isn't the only arena we'll begin seeing such outrage at biblical expressions of the Christian faith.
You can count on seeing these same arguments appear anywhere evangelical Christians express their faith in public or within ear-shot of those who may be offended. The belief that faith in Jesus Christ is necessary for salvation is now at the very center of secular outrage.
I guess the question for us in this increasingly hostile world, are we ready to stand?
We are using our camera phones with mp3 players to listen to the Boundless podcasts. I loaded a bunch of podcasts on his phone to get him hooked on it as much as I am. :)
Here we are using my camera phone to capture the views at Sunrise, Mt. Rainier in the gorgeous state of Washington, USA. It's sunrise (5:50 am) and we just watched that bright red orb lift up over the Cascade mountains into a small patch of cloud, before it ascends into the sky for a hot day. SPECTACULAR views, for which we drove up 6,400 ft and hiked uphill for a half hour in the dark to watch the stars disappear and the morning appear.
It's supposed to get up to 100 degrees (F) in Seattle today but we'll be sleeping in our nice cool rooms cause we stayed up all night. A bit of a trek, but worth it.
Looking to save time and money, companies are turning to video-chat software as a cheap, low-hassle way to vet job candidates. That means a growing number of people looking for work are meeting their prospective new bosses not at the office but in the comfort of their own home.
It lists some tips for getting the most out of a Skype interview:
Get your barking dog out of range before you start the interview. (On that note, I have a really funny story about phone interviewing a U.S. Congressman while barracaded in my bedroom. Babies can be loud, even while playing contentedly. I'll tell it sometime.)
Make sure there is no bright light behind you (especially an open window, makes you look dark and creepy).
When answering a question, look directly at the camera, not the screen -- this gives the appearance of "eye contact".
Avoid wearing white (white draws attention and you want them drawn to the white of your eyes and teeth).
Remember what's behind you in the frame (no mess, no Godfather movie posters, you get the idea).
Don't sit too close to the camera (we don't want any inadvertant nostril shots; best to see your face and the top three buttons or so of your shirt--do a dry run with a friend first to make sure everything looks good).
Remember it's still a job interview (you may get away with pajama bottoms, but at least be professional looking from the waist up).
It seems to me it has its pros and cons. It might add just another layer of pressure to an already adrenalined situation (Will I have some freak wi-fi meltdown? Can I adjust my legs or will I move out of the shot?). But it also might help my potential employer (and me) expedite the hiring process.
What about you? Have you ever webcammed an interview? Would you want to?
... climbed up the side of my front door the other day. Intrigued by all things on the fringe of normalcy, my inner arachnologist provoked me to draw near. It was brown, it was hairy, it was pulsating with venom.
Or maybe not.
It's not a brown recluse, or a black widow, or a camel spider, or a dung beetle. The thing is, I don't really know what it is. Any idea?
Oh, I do want to say that no creatures were harmed over the course of my study. But that wouldn't be true.
There's a lot of talk on the Boundless Line, both in the posts and the comments, about just how many people -- including Christians -- have been exposed to pornography in the age of the Internet. While coming up with an exact percentage is next to impossible, it's probably safe to say that modern men who haven't been exposed to porn are definitely in the minority. Women, too, are acknowledging that keeping their eyes pure is harder than ever these days.
In the responses to Ted's recent post on the topic, many commenters had a sobering message for single readers of both sexes: If you are looking for a potential mate who has never, ever looked at pornography, you will likely have a very small pool of candidates to choose from.
Discouraging as that sounds, there is another aspect of porn's ubiquity that is equally disturbing: Let's call it the Porn-Star-Sex Syndrome.
Not only are young (and not-so-young) people viewing more pornography than ever, what they are seeing has warped their perceptions about "normal" or even typical sexual activity. According to one article, which I will not link to, there is now an entire generation that thinks sex routinely consists of multiple postion changes, degrading behavior and a host of physical acts so explicit and un-typical that I dare not repeat them. Just as troubling as the thought that many young men now expect such acts is the apparent related surge in number of young women willing to go along.
While Christian singles hopefully do better when it comes to abstaining from sex before marriage, have they, too, unwittingly set themselves up for disappointment when their wedding night doesn't play out like the X-rated scenes they've witnessed online?
Like me, you may be looking forward to seeing the film Where the Wild Things Are. I remember the story well from my childhood. In "Deep Down, We're All Wild Things," Tyler Huckabee explores the redemptive themes of the story by comparing the plight of its main character, Max, to all of us.
In the story, Max gets in trouble. And so, as a means of dealing with what he views as unfairness, he gets mad and goes to the place where the wild things are. Huckabee writes:
We’re familiar with that. We’re in the same place that poor Max finds himself: a world that we just can’t quite seem to get the hang of. We’re being fired from our jobs. We’re being hassled by our landlords. We’re being dumped by our significant others. And then there’s God, and He’s the one I’ve sort of been leading up to.
God’s pretty easy to get mad at. The world’s gone all wrong, life is impossibly difficult, He seems to be the one to blame. Maybe you’ve given your all to Jesus, only to find that He wants a little bit more. Maybe you think you’ve got a better way figured out, one without all those pesky rules, but you just can’t shake the feeling that God’s sitting on your shoulder, insisting that His way is better. You’re mad, ready to run away, but it’s impossible.
Sometimes I've just been mad about the way life is going. I don't necessarily blame God, but I wonder why He's allowed certain things. Huckabee writes:
We’ve felt Max-like fury at the forces in our lives, be they personal, professional or divine. We fantasize about being in charge, and getting the unmitigated approval of our peers, bosses, professors, pastors and crushes. And, of course, our sometimes boundless rage at God, who deals out disappointment and discouragement so liberally. We snarl, like the Psalmist, “Why do the wicked prosper?” We pitch fits like prodigals, running away and indulging our wild sides.
It’s an act God probably expects from us, given how often it happens. He’s been dealing with His angry servants since the very beginning. In the Bible, God fields the rage of such giants as David, Job, Jonah and Moses with patience -- never shushing their complaints with any sniper-like lightning bolts from the sky. He listens; He lets them have their say. “The LORD is like a Father to His children,” the Psalmist says in Psalm 103:13-14, “tender and compassionate to those who fear Him. For He knows how weak we are, He remembers we are only dust.”
This article illuminates a truth: the propensity for us to run to something we can control when we don't like what God is doing. Just like Max runs from his mother's discipline because he believes she is being unfair, we sometimes run from God's way because we don't like it ... or trust that He has our best interest in mind. But as one friend told me, "the illusion that I'm in control or doing my own thing is just that ... an illusion." Ultimately the journey away from our loving Father yields emptiness. Sendak’s tale illustrates this.
Max doesn’t set up shop with the wild things. He tames them and goes home. Supper’s still hot, mom still loves him and everything’s the way he left it. His imagination has bled out the anger, and his fantasy world hasn’t lived up to the real thing. He’s had his tantrum, and he’s calling it a day. Max’s return journey is the most important point of his trip. He knows when it’s time to move on.
As the book says (its only words): "The king of all wild things was lonely and wanted to be where someone loved him best of all." And that's really what we all want.
Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. —Psalm 73:25
I love fall: It's my favorite season. The leaves are starting to turn, and I never grow jaded with the sight. I just got back from a brisk walk where I savored everything around me -- the trees, the sky, the sun, the breeze. I just felt blessed. I get to live in this world!
This reaction isn't an October-only event. In all seasons, I'm struck by the beauty of creation. When I look around, one thought keeps recurring: God is an artist. He could have made a purely utilitarian universe, devoid of beauty and concerned only with function. But that's not Who He is. He pours forth His creative nature in colors, in shapes, in textures and dimensions. His signature strokes are all around us.
Even if I'd never read a word of Scripture, I wouldn't have it in me to imagine that all this awesome beauty just, somehow, evolved. Few people do. Individual atheists exist, but a truly atheistic society is just about unheard of. Even pagans, who don't know the Artist, can see that there is one. It takes an unusual degree of spiritual blindness to miss the signs. "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands."
As much as we may marvel at all we see, here's an even more marvelous thought. All the beauty of creation isn't God's best work. Great as it is, it's been vandalized: It's a fallen creation, with elements of ugliness in the mix, and its greatest beauty pales compared to what it used to be. How much more beautiful was Eden? And how much more beautiful will the new creation be? Just trying to imagine boggles the mind.
So don't try. Just wait. And while you wait, let the wonders you can see with your eyes drive you to know the Artist more deeply through His Word.
He's been viewing pornography since his freshman year in high school. It's gotten to the point where it's become mundane. And yet, he can't seem to break the habit.
I can't help you if you're seeking solutions to sin that are quick, easy, convenient and not costly. Repentance and rooting out the spiritual strongholds of sin rips up the ground of our heart and hurts. Healing and growing your spirit takes time. That's just the simple truth.
But the rewards of experiencing an appetite change from sin to holiness are beyond anything we can imagine. And if you're serious about it -- about Christ-likeness -- then your future is bright indeed, because God is serious about it too.
* * *
A week ago I received an e-mail from a Boundless reader who has escaped pornography's clutches. He's wondering, though, how transparent he should be with his girlfriend about it.
I have a question that has been eating at me for a while (ironically I have had you guys to ask for quite some time and I never thought of asking): I had a porn problem in the past. Through Celebrate Recovery I've been freed from this addiction and I am proud to say I'm an overcomer of this strong addiction that plagues the church.
I believe in full disclosure in a dating relationship and since I would be aiming for marriage I'd want to get anything out of the way that could be a deal stopper or something we need to look at and deal with. So in the light of full disclosure I have this question...
In a dating relationship how does someone who has sexual sin in their past bring this problem up with the girl they are seeing?
* * *
So I leave you with two questions:
What additional counsel would you give to the first young man wrestling with the sexual sin of pornography?
What counsel would you give to the second young man who has overcome the sexual sin of pornography?
On this week's Boundless podcast, I answered a question from a guy in a relationship who's troubled that he's still attracted to other women. I assured him it was normal to feel attraction to members of the opposite sex whether in a dating relationship or even in marriage. The real issue is what you do about it. Meaning, are you acting on that attraction by being flirtatious in any way?
One listener felt I didn't go far enough. Here's her e-mail in response to the segment:
I am writing in response to Motte's answer to the question in this week's Boundless Show (Episode 91). Although I agree that attraction to members of the opposite sex can continue while in a serious relationship (I am married), I believe that letting that instantaneous feeling of attraction last long enough to give it a second thought is flat out wrong.
In my mind it is just like any other form of temptation -- while the temptation itself is not a sin, dwelling on it is sinful. The proper response to the feeling of attraction (whether physical or emotional) is to take that thought captive and submit it to Christ (2 Cor. 10:5).
The issue boils down to one of self-control. Although in practice it is not easy to exhibit such self-control, that does not change the truth of the matter. It seemed like Motte was hitting at the right thing in his reply to the question but I felt that he never came out and said that, ultimately, it is wrong to let yourself continue to feel attraction to someone outside of the relationship God has placed you in.
If it is something that one is struggling with then, by all means, seek out help, as was suggested, but letting your thoughts run away with you to the point of needing someone to hold you accountable for them is a serious thing.
I agree I could have said more. One thought I had after the recording is that if you find you're constantly battling feelings of attraction, it could mean you have a problem objectifying members of the opposite sex. And that is a serious thing.
What I mean is this. If you're in a relationship, another person's beauty or personality outside of your significant other isn't for you to enjoy; it's for their spouse (or future spouse) to enjoy. The pleasure you're getting by admiring someone's physique is pure selfishness.
I've written previously that there are probably many women I could allow myself to become attracted to. But I've already made my choice. And I need to be fully satisfied in her beauty and companionship alone.
It seems that the Halloween decorating has been amping up in my little corner of the world for the past couple of years. What used to be the occasional skeleton or haybale with pumpkins seems to have morphed into the Fall Battle of the Griswolds.
For the most part, I have no problem with it. I like the elaborate fall decorations with the scarecrows, dried corn and garlands of fall leaves. I don't really mind the giant spiders, witches who have crash landed in the front yards and giant inflatable vampire Mickeys (okay, that's not true, vampire Mickey gives me the willies).
But there is one particular Halloween decoration in my neighborhood that just gives me the creeps. I've had my eye out to see if it was going up again this year and, this morning, it did.
Picture this: A group of five ghosts. They're little and cute and adorable, being held up by sticks. All the ghosts are holding hands (via their little sheets being connected at the edges) so that they appear to be circling around a tree together.
I know. Not that horrifying, right? In fact, I've spent some time this morning wondering, just what it is about this house that gets to me? The best guess I can muster is that it's the cute superimposed upon the creepy. That these sweet little things seem to be participating in something pretty ugly--some type of nature worship ritual.
In the midst of the good things that Christians are trying to do with the Halloween holiday (like show hospitality, remain true to our convictions, host Fall Festivals for the community or celebrate "Reformation Day"), there are still aspects of Halloween that, rightly, cause us concern (like this or this or this).
"Yes, I am well aware this is a controversial issue. In my opinion, it is often either overstated or understated. And yes, on Halloween we do give out candy generously, and we enjoy the kids' costumes. For some Halloween is harmless. But there is another side to be aware of, which sucks in others."
I think that may be it. Other believers probably drive by this ghosts-around-the-tree scene without batting an eye. But something about this particular decoration reminds me, in a pretty vivid way, that as much as we may try to redeem or reform or repurpose this holiday, there is a dark side to it. Demons are real. Satan prowls and he would pull our worship away from our Lord in any way that he could.
As Alcorn put it, I don't want to overstate it or understate it. But those little ghosts this morning reminded me that it should at least be stated.
What a Week! by Candice Watters on 10/18/2009 at 8:52 PM
It started with the three-day run on the Focus on the Family broadcast with fellow Boundless contributor Carolyn McCulley. I was reminded afresh listening to the show just how thankful I am for women like Carolyn who model godly femininity and faith-filled waiting. Without a hint of bitterness and with a heart of gratitude, she's living a fruitful and fulfilling life while hoping and praying boldly for marriage.
In the midst of trying to get word about the broadcasts out via Twitter, my account was hijacked by a nameless person and/or virus and used to spam all my friends. Grr. Thankfully as it was happening, I was chilling on a back-to-the-future homeschool field trip to a working farm. We toured the homestead, smelled the horses, and learned that pigs can't lose weight, even when their food is restricted. Did you know they go from 1 to 250 pounds in 7 months? Neither did I. If they're not slaughtered by then, their legs and backs start to really ache from the weight. Huh.
Not much tupperware in the homestead cabin the size of my kitchen. It housed a family of seven!
Speaking of homeschooling, I also (this week), tried to download a simple grammar lesson. Ok, so it's about 100 pages long. But it's merely words and simple drawings. Nevertheless, something about it freaked my computer out.
Which is why I wrote this blog post at the Apple store while the nice "hero who doesn't wear a cape" erased my hard drive and restored it. See?
Hey everyone! There is so much to talk about this week it is making me crazy. It's also making me want to type something random, like fasjkl;treaxitoa!trjekalow3rio34.
That said, in addition to my spiritual gift of rebuking, I also have the gift of telling people what to do. So I'm gonna tell you what to do. Right now. SEND THE LINK TO THIS PODCAST TO 10 OF YOUR FRIENDS AND TELL THEM TO SUBSCRIBE ON ITUNES.
Sorry for shouting at you, but this is important. The Boundless Show has almost cracked the Top 50 Christian podcasts on iTunes. We think this is due to Candice's presence on Focus on the Family this week as well as a bunch of people signing up in the wake of the Catalyst conference. But this is not enough. We need to get into the Top 25! We need to do this 1) because it would be awesome, 2) so more young adults can hear our rockin' content, and 3) so the Boundless team can make millions and buy a bunch of houses, cars and Webkinz.
Ok, forget #3. But the first two reasons are reason enough. DO IT. And post an iTunes review while you're at it, so we can reach at least 100 reviews before the Lord returns. Bless.
While I'm telling you what to do, please also do the following:
Tell someone about Jesus
Get married
Join a local church
Agree with me that the Black Eyed Peas' "Fill up my cup (DRANK!) ... mazel tov! (L'CHAIM!)" is the dumbest lyric in music right now
On to the show:
Catalyst Report -- 00:00
As you know from my previous post, I was at Catalyst 2009 in Atlanta last week. Catalyst is a conference for young leaders. I manned the Boundless booth and told people straight up to get their bitnit together. The response was positive (after the initial blank stare followed by closely-reined-in hostility). I introduced a ton of people to Boundless, most of whom had never heard of us (see opening paragraphs, above). I also met Truett Cathy, founder of Chick-Fil-A and all-around cutest man alive, as well as his son, Bubba. I ate some chicken. My visit with them rocked. As we open our show this week, Motte and I talk about Catalyst, Motte's questionable temperament, Chick-Fil-A and other things that are just random enough to merit being on the show.
Kickin' It With KJ-52 -- 10:27
You know I like me some Gaithers. I also like me some hip-hop. This week I had the chance to live out the latter as KJ-52 (that's K-J-five-two) visited our studio and dropped some rhymes. He cracked me up like never before. I often crack myself up, but it's rare that someone else causes me to chortle and slap my knee. I did both this week. KJ does rap and hip-hop without the f-bombs, cop killings and misogyny found in much of the mainstream genre. But he still has the caps and shades, and let me hang with him as he freestyled for us in true street spirit:
Multiple Attraction Disorder -- 41:40
Is it wrong for a guy to be attracted to other women when he's dating or married? We know guys notice women, so what should they do (short of gouging their eyes out) when someone else captures their attention? And what if it's not just physical, but a harder-to-detect-and-treat attraction to someone's character and personality? Motte brings his thoughts (and both his eyes ... phew) to the discussion.
Start building your tell-a-friend lists. Now. I'm serious. Hello, why are you still reading this?...........
I live in Millersburg, Ohio. It's a conservative area, home of the largest Mennonite and Amish Community in the United States. I love living in the country and enjoy breathtaking views that tourists travel from far and wide to see.
I have owned and run a small country decor gift shop for nine years and on my slow days or down times I love to read Boundless and find the articles informative an relevant to my life and struggles I deal with. I thank God for the work you do, and have recommended your website to many of my single friends.
I just bought the newly remastered box set of The Beatles collection. I never liked the first-issue of the library on CD; it sounded very tinny. Even with seriously destroyed hearing, I can tell the difference with this new set, especially on their older stuff. Brass instruments sound brassier, Paul’s bass is bouncier, and you can hear other subtleties that are entirely missing on the previous issue. It also helped me to close out my Beatles collection, since I was missing a few songs, including the very funny B-side “You Know My Name, Look Up the Number.” (Does anyone even know what a B-side is anymore?)
But my point isn’t to talk about audio-geek stuff. In listening to the entire Beatles oeuvre over the course of one weekend, I came to remember just how good they were. If you weren’t around when this stuff was new, you can’t appreciate how revolutionary they were. No one else was doing this stuff, especially starting with their “Rubber Soul” and “Revolver” albums. Add a piccolo trumpet solo? Every other band in the world soon had some sort of novelty instrument in their songs. Deliberately distort your guitar? Suddenly that’s all you heard.
My music appreciation prof at Wheaton also played with the Chicago Philharmonic. He said he believed that every Beatles song after 1965 was written by someone other than the Beatles. He couldn’t believe that someone with no formal musical training and who couldn’t read music could produce something that creative. I saw it as a left-handed compliment to the Beatles, although he certainly didn’t intend it that way. (And in truth the Beatles did have the help of classically trained George Martin as their producer.) But seriously, do you think if there was a ghost writer out there he'd have kept silent all these years?
I’ve pretty much given up listening to contemporary music. My thesaurus does not contain enough synonyms to describe how utterly bad most of it is, both musically and lyrically. In addition to listening to distinctly non-Top 40 artists such as Patty Griffin, Patty Larkin, Shelby Lynne, Alana Davis, David Wilcox, Calexico, and Brooklyn Funk Essentials, I’ve turned increasingly to world music. I grew to love African music when I lived there, and so I have a lot on my iPod, including Geoffrey Oryema, Ayub Ogada, and Amadou & Mariam.
I’ve also added a lot of Middle Eastern music, including Vas, Azam Ali, and Niyaz. I can’t understand a word any of them are singing (they sing in everything from Swahili to Malian to Arabic to Farsi), but it’s beautiful, intricate music with unexpected chords and unusual (at least to Western ears) instruments and rhythms — everything contemporary American music is not.
After world music, I’ve been buying a lot of movie soundtracks. Thomas Newman is probably my favorite, followed by Hans Zimmer.
So where does CCM fit in my listening? Unfortunately, not a lot appeals to me for the same reasons most contemporary music doesn’t. (Not a great commentary on CCM, I think.) I’ve never grown tired of Fernando Ortega, though, and from that you might safely assume I also love the classic hymns of Isaac Watts, Charles Wesley, et al. And I still like the grammatically problematic Delirious?, Tree 63, the unfortunately short-lived Smalltown Poets, and anything by Switchfoot.
So, have I ... ahem ... struck a chord with anyone? Anyone else know of these musicians? What other good acts should I check out?
I first heard the Christian music group Delirious* back in the mid-90s. It wasn't my style of music, but after some thought I bought a couple of their albums. My justification: I was a musician, and this is popular, and so it'll be good for me to study their music.
It wasn't long, though, before I came to admire their work and consider them among the most influential worship bands in modern Christendom. I now own each one of their albums, have listened to each one many times, and have played their songs numerous times in church and elsewhere.
Here's a now-funny story: I woke up the neighbor's sleeping child by playing "Obsession" for my girlfriend Ashleigh one night in the parking lot years ago. Who knew that my car stereo was that loud?
Last night I was able to attend their concert here in Colorado Springs, part of their farewell tour. I'm heartbroken even writing that, seeing that their time as a band is wrapping up. That said, I have no doubt that their time in ministry is hardly coming to a close. Their passion for Scripture, for the Lord Jesus, for God's glory, for the oppressed, for excellence ... will continue to express itself and bless people even after their time as a band comes to a close.
If you're not familiar with their work, I suggest you order a copy of their forthcoming album, History Makers: Greatest Hits. (In the interest of full disclosure, I confess that their publicist offered to send me the CD for free. I refused, since I have no use for a "greatest hits" album: I already own everything Delirious has put out.)
It's been over a decade since I first gave Delirious a listen because I thought it'd be good for me. It hasn't just been good; it's been very good.
In closing, here are a few photos. The first is of lead singer Martin Smith with his wife Anna in the Focus on the Family studios. It was an honor to spend half an hour with them yesterday, along with Lisa Anderson. Stay tuned for that podcast....
This photo shows all five bandmembers. You'll have to take my word on that.
Meet Mr. Smith.
Meet Stu G.
Ted meets Martin.
Meet Ted and his date for the night, the more than fair Mrs. Slater. I must say that I bought my glasses before she bought hers.
*The band's name is actually "Delirious?," but for the sake of grammatical clarity, I've made an executive decision to drop the question mark. My conscience is clear.
For Jews demand signs and Greeks seek wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. (1 Cor. 1:22-24)
I found myself in Santa Fe a few weeks ago, touring restaurants and historic churches with my wife.
Every church had a series of "stations of the cross" -- depictions of Jesus' painful hours leading up to His crucifixion. Every church had depictions of a bloody and battered Jesus on the cross.
There was a time when I'd dismiss such depictions, saying rightly that Jesus is no longer on the cross, but has risen victorious over sin and death. At present, Jesus is fully alive, interceding on our behalf, free from the tortuous pain of the cross. He had said, "It is finished," and I believed that the entire Jesus-on-the-cross thing was finished and should be behind us.
But I've come to a place where it's helpful for me to reflect on Christ's agony on the cross. It's helpful to remind myself why He went to the cross: to take upon Himself not only the sins of the whole world, but of more personal relevance, to take upon Himself each one of my many sins.
When I meditated on the cross in that historic Santa Fe church, with Jesus hanging on it, I better saw the significance of my sin, the consequence of my sin, the weightiness of it, the reality of it, the gruesomeness of it. And I saw the sacrificial love of God that brings peace.
When I look upon crucifixes -- not mere crosses, but Jesus hanging on the cross -- I'm reminded that the crucifixion was a historical event, something that really took place some 2,000 years ago, and not merely an "ideal." The cross is not merely a symbol, but a real place in real time where the Lord changed history and demonstrated His greatest act of love.
It is by the wounds Jesus received on the cross that I am healed. If I share in Christ's suffering, then I will share His glory and His power and His comfort as well. Jesus suffered in order to sanctify me through His own blood. He suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that He might bring me to God. He canceled the record of debt that stood against me, nailing it to the cross. I am reconciled to God through the cross of Christ.
I am thankful for the cross. Too easily I forget, and so I'm also thankful for crucifixes, how they draw me back to the cross, how they draw me back to Jesus, the suffering servant and risen King.
Four years ago, I wrote an article called "Quarantining a Generation" (republished as today's feature article). I was shocked to receive more than 50 e-mails in response. Most were from 20-something singles like me who resonated with the article's premise that it is difficult for young adults to find community in churches. But a handful of letters were from pastors and ministry leaders asking how they could make their churches more hospitable to my generation. I was excited to see such a passionate response.
In the article, I talk about the model of the early church, which was obviously successful since thousands were being added to their numbers daily. A main strength I see is intergenerational community:
The church was established to glorify God and to provide a place for believers to challenge, encourage and support one another. Those who previously had little in common became one unit through belief in Christ. Paul explained it like this: "There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female," single nor married, young nor old, "for you are all one in Christ Jesus" (Galatians 3:28). I added those last two, but I believe they are in the spirit of Paul's intent.
This unity inspired people to share everything they had, to invite widows and orphans into their homes and to demonstrate a love and cooperation that drew non-believers like a magnet. Spending their time together in each other's homes, church members operated much like a family.
During my years as a single young adult, I have felt the power of the church best when this family element is present. Young families who have invited me into their homes for dinner. A pastor and his wife who initiated meeting me for coffee. Older women who stepped in as godly mentors. These people made me feel worthwhile, like I belonged. As much as I enjoy my peers, the deeper acceptance was felt in intergenerational connections. In response to the trend toward young adult services, I write:
In order for these relationships to take place, all ages must exist in community together. With the growing number of alternative services, young adults are missing out on relationships that provide wise counsel, build spiritual maturity and help bridge the gap to the next stage of life.
I have discovered that my generation is quick to point out all that is wrong with the church. However, I believe many of our core spiritual needs can be met within that very community. That is why Christ established the church in the first place.
Since I wrote this article, I have pressed on in seeking out intergenerational church fellowship (it has required some hard decisions). My ministry with children and interactions with volunteers who were not my peers ultimately led me into the path of my husband, who shares my heart for intergenerational church. And while I waited for a spouse, those rich relationships diminished loneliness and gave me a place to belong.
I'm at Bridge Street Town Centre with my sister watching the Gondolas go by. Always feels amazing to get to be out and experience a BEAUTIFUL day :-)
I love Boundless! I've only been reading for a year but its already Bookmarked in My BlackBerry and I check in everyday. I love the podcasts and articles ... ESPECIALLY the Q&As, Singles and Faith Articles. I couldn't pass up the chance to say hello and meet some of my fellow Christians :-)
An older female relative of mine and I were sitting out on the back porch chatting. Eventually, the talk turned to marriages and family.
"You know," she said, "you two are one of the only families I know where you still do the traditional roles."
She paused for a second. "I think it's great," she finally said. "I really do."
She paused again. "I think it's really the best way for the family. But ..." pause again. "I wouldn't want to go back to the old days. When women had no rights. When they just had to endure whatever the men did."
Another pause. "Still ... it's a good way."
I wanted to tread carefully. I knew she had seen some abuse of male authority in her home as a child. So I thanked her for her kind words. But, I expained, it wasn't a traditional home I was after. It was a biblical household. One where I support, help, nurture and submit to my husband as to the Lord. One where he leads, protects, provides and serves our family as Christ does the church.
"You see," I said, "there are some things about tradition that are just fine. But there are also things that can go wrong. It's the biblical model I want to follow. Because God knows what He is doing."
She smiled warmly at me and sort of cocked her head to one side.
"I can see that in your marriage," she said. "And you know what I think?"
"No," I answered. "What?"
"I think you would follow and support Kevin even if you thought he was wrong."
I smiled back. Because that was the million dollar question. The question that I think many Christian women wonder about (or am I the only one?), but no one really talks about.
Would I?, I wondered. Would I follow him even if I thought he was absolutely wrong?
The ladies at the Girl Talk blog are running a great series on hospitality. I was recently having a conversation with my husband about wanting our home to be a hospitable place. One house I lived at several years ago was the kind of place that everyone loved to come to and hang out in. I grew up in a house like that, and I want my home to be that way.
If we have trusted in Jesus, we have found a home in God. We were once strangers, alienated from God because of our sin. But through the suffering of Jesus Christ, we have been brought near to God. We are not strangers anymore.
We have received the ultimate act of hospitality! How can we not, in turn, show grace and love to others by extending hospitality to strangers?
I'm trying to think of a single time I showed hospitality to a stranger. (I did bring a Swiss skateboarder home from the airport once and one of my guy friends showed him hospitality.) But hospitality can begin with the people we know. People from church and work. Bringing people into a welcoming home speaks of our welcoming God.
Obviously, it's important. Romans 12:13 says: "Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality."
How have you practiced hospitality? How can you cultivate this practice? What makes a home warm and welcoming to you?
So yesterday we spent some time with Christian hip-hop artist KJ-52. It was a great interview, which you'll hear on our podcast within a week or two. Here he is with Lisa, the host of The Boundless Show podcast.
So tomorrow we spend some time with Martin Smith, lead singer of Delirious?, a band whose music is awesome and whose name is grammatically troublesome.
So, is there anything you'd like us to ask Martin?
(I've also been given special access during tomorrow night's concert here in Colorado Springs to take photos from "the barricade." I'll plan to post photos, taken with my Nikon D40, on Thursday.)
For Babies Only by Candice Watters on 10/13/2009 at 12:40 PM
Have you noticed that clothing companies sometimes limit certain items to only men or women? Like those iced purple snow boots that have a parenthetical (women's only) beside them in the catalog? I think the message on this onesie deserves its own parenthetical limitation (maybe to peeps young enough for onesies?).
When you were a kid, maybe you declared some day to be Opposite Day. If you were feeling bratty, it gave you a chance to play gags like this.
These days, I often think, every day is Opposite Day. Take Saturday, when President Obama spoke to a well-heeled homosexual group, pledging support for various items on their wish list and reassuring them that he'd fulfill their goals in due course. "Do not doubt the direction we are heading," he promised, "and the destination we will reach." (I, for one, don't doubt it one bit.)
Yep, it's Opposite Day in America, all right. We're seeing a moral inversion. We've always understood heterosexuality as the social, cultural and (most important) divinely created norm, and homosexuality as a distortion — a corruption, in the proper sense of the word — of that norm. Now presidents pay homage to groups that celebrate that distortion and define anyone who upholds the old norm as a bigot. We're way past "tolerance" here. (That word inescapably implies disapproval.) We're into official endorsement.
This isn't the only area where we've seen moral understandings not just weakened, but stood on their head. Abortion — a vast evil enshrined as a "constitutional right" — is the classic example. As essayist Joseph Sobran puts it, "What could be more barbarous than the killing of an unborn child, by the choice of its mother, through the agency of a doctor, and with the blessing of the state?" Count the victims: the sanctity of life, the preciousness of the maternal bond, the heart and soul of the medical profession, the protective purpose of the government. If anyone really wonders why Christians pay so much attention to this issue, here's the answer.
I bring all this up because Christians are so often tempted to negotiate a peace treaty with the world — saying, in effect, "You do what you want; just allow us to hide out in our churches and wring our hands among ourselves." We'd like to imagine we can still be faithful in public life by stressing the parts of our faith the world doesn't mind (feed the hungry, no problem) while downplaying the parts that the world minds very much.
That approach, by any biblical standard, is a betrayal of our Lord. If we're faithful, we have to expect we'll find ourselves opposite the world — not just in our private life, but in our public proclamation.
Being recently married, I am naturally interested in a good TV wedding. And so I couldn't resist recording Jim and Pam's wedding (from NBC's show "the Office") even though I've only seen a couple episodes of the show.
Anytime we talk about TV shows, we're bound to step on toes, but I wanted to make some observations about Jim and Pam's wedding because, quite frankly, it was particularly horrid. Not what I expected from a TV show that millions of viewers tune in to weekly.
First of all, I was shocked by the lack of preciousness surrounding what is a precious thing: marriage. As a recent bride, I tuned in hoping for some romance, but the most romantic line (teased repeatedly in the preview) was uttered by the groom in his toast: "I think deep down I always knew I was waiting for my wife." Aw. That was sweet ... but that's where the warm fuzzies ended.
As far as I can tell, "the Office" follows the lives, personality quirks and interpersonal dynamics of people who work in a typical, boring office in everytown, Pennsylvania. These individuals exhibit varying levels of dysfunction -- primarily social. Shot in the style of a documentary, the show explores the inner workings of the office and makes viewers privy to all its gossip.
So Jim and Pam's wedding was more about the other characters in the office than about them. One plot point was the fact that Pam was five months pregnant and was trying to keep the fact quiet because of her old-fashioned grandmother. At one point (after the beans were spilled), the office boss stood up and delivered a monologue on the virtues of unmarried women having consensual sex and how it needed to be celebrated. Another subplot followed the antics of the single men from the office trying to score with women and the boss hitting on the mother of the bride.
I once heard a professor say that you could learn a lot about people in the culture by looking at popular TV shows. He used the TV show "Friends" as an example and said that the show's popularity betrayed the culture's desire for a close-knit community where there was always a friend who cared about you and a group to share life with. Insightful, I thought.
So after wasting the good part of an hour watching "the Office" wedding, I began to wonder what this show could tell me about the culture. One thing that occurred to me is that "the Office" is about narcissism. It is an exaggeration of the idea that when it comes down to it, we're all just looking out for ourselves. While selfishness is a fact about every human; it's funny to watch it played out to such an extreme. It makes you feel a little better about yourself because -- well -- you're not THAT self-absorbed. Losers.
Even at their friends' wedding, the members of the office continue to only think about themselves. The bachelors are all about about meeting (and sleeping with) someone, the office gossips are jealous and bitter that they're not the ones walking down the aisle, the boss wants to be sure to get attention by making an unwanted toast. That's why the marriage felt stripped of its preciousness. Marriage is about complete deference to the needs of another, which was completely out of place in the context of this show.
In the end, the show attempted to make the point that the wedding was about Jim and Pam and they needed to just separate from their selfish, dysfunctional office mates and make it "their day." (At one point the bride said, "If this is our day, why did we invite all these people?") But even this weak salvage attempt failed to inspire. If these people did, in fact, exist, how are Jim and Pam to get a good start to marriage surrounded by such a horrible group of "friends?" Apart from the couple's care and compassion for one another, I struggled to find anything redeeming in this much-anticipated TV union.
If you're single and hoping to marry, as well as wondering how to live biblically in the waiting time, today's Focus on the Family broadcast is for you. We recorded it months ago but finally, the show is on air and online!
Titled "Living with a Hope Deferred," this 3-part show includes Boundless contributor Carolyn McCulley, Dr. Dobson, John Fuller and yours truly.
My favorite part of today's installment is when Carolyn talks about what it's like to be 45 and still single. Still hoping to marry. It's a place she never expected to be. Yet she survived. And truth be told, she's thriving.
For a mix of encouragement, challenge and call to biblical femininity (as well as a major plug for Boundless!), it's a must-hear.
And if you do listen, please leave a comment to let us know what you thought.
Is there someone special you've been hesitating to ask out? Here are four date ideas that seem to garner great results. (That's just my opinion.)
The join-me-and-my-friends-date. This can be the perfect way to get to know a girl in a comfortable setting. Just before I began dating my husband, Kevin, he invited me to a game night with some of his friends. In the get-to-know-you phase of a relationship, inviting the girl to be part of your group of friends can be a great way to spend time together without the pressure.
The favorite activity date. Have you met someone who enjoys the same activity you do? Invite her to join you. One of my friends likes to mountain bike. When he learned Maria, a friendly girl he met at church, shared his interest, he asked her to join him on a ride. Doing something they both enjoyed provided the perfect atmosphere to get to know each other. They soon discovered other things they had in common, and two years later they're married with a baby.
The special event date. Special events give guys a great opportunity to spend time with that girl they've had their eye on. One guy I know first began dating his now-wife after he invited her to a special military dinner. Before the event he had known her as just a nice girl who had attended his high school, but that event began the romance that led to marriage.
The this-is-definitely-a-date date. The three previously mentioned dates are good starter dates. However, once your intentions could become unclear to the woman you're showing interest in, you should initiate a date or conversation that leaves her in no doubt of your affections. After the join-me-and-my-friends-date, Kevin invited me to go hiking (favorite activity date). But when he picked me up, he brought me flowers. Though the date itself could have been viewed as a friend thing, the flowers gave away the fact that it was not. Kevin's boldness impressed me. Yes, showing up at my door with flowers was a risk, but he knew my response would either propel the relationship forward or end it before it entered the buddy zone.
Is there someone you've been wanting to get to know better? Why not give one of these four dates a try this weekend. Any other suggestions out there?
Please don't be offended by all the coughing and wheezing on this week's podcast. All of us but Lisa were recovering from the H1N1 virus. Well maybe not all of us. Mainly Steve. But I was getting over of some vile sickness that took me down for about three weeks. It should just go to prove how dedicated we are to provide quality content for our dozens of listeners.
Did I say dozens? Yes I did. It's my way of expressing our desire to expand our outreach; and my way of asking you devoted fans to send the show to at least 10 of your friends. That is, of course, if you think they'd benefit from it. Or just enjoy Lisa using words like "Blazacious."
Do You Appreciate Your Pastor? -- 00:00 I do. But I don't express that appreciation nearly enough. Steve, a pastor's kid himself, can attest to the fact that being a pastor can be a thankless job. It's funny how easy it is to remember to critique or request but how hard it is to actually show how thankful we are. So this Clergy Appreciation Month (which is October BTW), show them you care. And if you'd like to know more about it, check out Focus on the Family's The Parsonage.
Emerging Adulthood with Kay Hymowitz -- 12:16 Kay Hymowitz is a fellow at the Manhattan Institute and contributing editor of City Journal. She's the author of Marriage and Caste in America which, in part, is about the societal breakdown that has happened because of the separation of marriage and child-rearing. In this week's culture segment, we have the privilege of talking with Kay about another modern cultural phenomenon, emerging adulthood or pre-adulthood as Kay like to call it.
How Far Should Women Go to Look Good? -- 34:16 Thomas Jeffries wrote a blog for Boundless a few weeks ago saying that men prefer women with long hair. It generated about 300 comments ... and this week's Inbox question. What if it's not easy for some women to grow their hair out? And how far should women go anyway to appease what could be considered some fickle preferences from guys? Lisa and Candice cut to the chase and tell young ladies exactly what they should do.
It's hard to pity these guys who attacked what they thought were transvestites but were in reality cage fighters on their way to a costume party. Considering the cage fighters could have done some serious damage, these clowns are lucky they got only a quick takedown. (For the uninitiated, a "yob" is a Brit-English word with no single-word American equivalent. Think low-life hooligan troublemaker.)
When Josh Harris applies Proverbs 24:33-34 to new media it makes me want to stop blogging and ask God for wisdom. I'll finish this post so you can join me there.
From what I understand, FOX's new dramedy Glee is pretty popular with the young adult demographic. I too was drawn to its quirky premise about a high school glee club. I mean, who can resist a seemingly innocent coming of age plot about nerdy teens?
Oh, it's quirky alright. And mildly entertaining in a High School Musical sort of way. But this show is anything but innocent. In fact, it can be pretty raunchy. It also mocks every family value in the book, particularly marriage and abstinence.
Get this, the producers actually want the viewer to hope the main character's marriage breaks up. And of course it's the president of the abstinence club who get's pregnant. Lame.
At first blush, this creation of producer Ryan Murphy (Nip/Tuck, Popular) appears to be a lampoon of Disney’s High School Musical movies and Fox’s own American Idol. But upon closer inspection, the musical dramedy Glee also shows signs of incorporating sleazy elements from Desperate Housewives and Two and a Half Men.
Don't be fooled. The worldview behind Glee is as liberal as it gets. I wouldn't be surprised if the writers consulted Planned Parenthood for plot lines.
After last night's episode, I vowed I would never make my wife sit through that one again. I'm not kidding when I say that Glee grieves the spirit.
This week I moved to a new cubicle. This is the fourth time I have moved during my nine years with Focus. Each time, I purge books and papers that I no longer need. Then I dutifully dump the contents of my desk drawer into a box for transfer to its next home.
This time I made an interesting discovery. My drawer contains a staple remover. Now this staple remover has been in my drawer for more than nine years and yet I cannot recall one time when I used it. However, each time I've moved, the little staple remover has come along. It must feel terribly useless in that drawer.
This got me to thinking: How many things in my home and office do I never use and yet accept their presence as necessary? I mean, what desk drawer doesn't have a staple remover? It's standard issue, right? (There has to be a Dilbert cartoon about this sort of thing.) Go ahead, look in your drawer and tell us the thing you don't use.
Or what about the useless items in your house? My husband found many of these little "treasures" when he moved into my town home. My junk drawer contained some extra wires from my gas fireplace, which has worked perfectly during the four years I've lived there. In fact, were the fireplace to actually malfunction, I would have absolutely no idea how to implement the wires.
"If the fireplace broke," Kevin pointed out, "I'd just call someone to come fix it." Good call. We trashed the mystery wires.
So spill: What is the oddest, useless thing you keep around your home or office?
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