Good Pleasure
by Candice Watters on 10/28/2009 at 9:00 AM
Getting married and making babies are such earthy activities, they sometimes make pious people uncomfortable. I love the earthiness of God's creation. Maybe it's the influence of my Jewish grandmother.
Whatever the reason, I'm excited about Gary Thomas's new book, Pure Pleasure. In it, he talks about God's gift of pleasure and the way godly pleasures protect us from sin. In Tuesday's featured Boundless article based on this book, "Enjoying the Earth without Loving the World," Gary writes,
... many Christian teachers persist in setting God's earth up against God's Kingdom — as if the two always oppose one another. We celebrate redemptive activities like prayer and worship, but then pit them against other human realities like marriage, exercise, traveling, reading for pleasure, and laughter.
God isn't just our redeemer, however; he is also our creator. He made us and He made this world. So when we participate in this world as He made it, we celebrate him every bit as much as we honor Him when we do things that reflect His redeeming work.
Redeemed by Jesus, I am finally set free to truly enjoy and participate in the things of this earth without becoming sinfully entangled by them.
How many times are singles told that they have to stop really "wanting" to get married before God will bring them a spouse? This stupidity not only depicts a taunting, teasing God (finally giving us something only after we've stopped wanting it), but it also undercuts the beauty of true marital intimacy, designed by God and generously given to us by God.
Keep in mind, Adam walked with God, enjoyed God, worshiped God, and talked with God far more intensely and directly than we do today. And yet it was God who said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him" (Gen. 2:18).
Catch this: God is literally telling Adam, "It is my opinion that the way you are living — just me and you — is not enough, at least not for now. It isn't good for you to be here with just me and no companion, so I'm creating someone else, a woman, with whom you can share your life and relate to me together."
Brothers and sisters, God told Adam, in one sense, "I'm not enough." Those aren't my words; they're His.
This is an article — and a book — not to be missed.
1. NeedACatchyName said the following at 10:18 AM on Oct 28:
Candice said:
"How many times are singles told that they have to stop really "wanting" to get married before God will bring them a spouse?"
I don't think people actually mean that you should stop wanting to get married, even though it sure sounds like it. When this statement is made, it's usually a nice way of saying "you're acting really desperate, and that's a turnoff regardless of which gender you are, so quit acting like your only focus in life is to get married if you want to find someone" For those people, they probably would be more likely to get find someone once they "stopped looking," because they would be more attractive to the opposite gender once they stop acting desperate. Unfortunately, people won't actually come out and say this for fear of coming off as to harsh, so we have the "nicely worded" version which obscures what's really going on.
2. BDB said the following at 11:32 AM on Oct 28:
The OP wrote:
>>Brothers and sisters, God told Adam, in one sense, "I'm not enough." Those aren't my words; they're His.<<
Um...no, that's not what the Bible says.
Adam was literally the only human being on the planet. That means lots of things, including the only earthly creature using language, which is of very limited use when talking to animals.
Once there are millions of people on the planet, no one is "alone" the way Adam was, which is why the Apostle Paul encouraged people to consider a life of service - to other people and God - without marriage - like he was.
The modern equivalent of Adam being alone is a hermit literally alone in the wilderness with the animals and God.
3. BDB said the following at 11:36 AM on Oct 28:
Then again, perhaps being a hermit is Biblical after all:
Proverbs 21:19 (New King James Version)
Better to dwell in the wilderness,
Than with a contentious and angry woman.
4. Texas Craig said the following at 11:44 AM on Oct 28:
I think it is absolutely fine to desire to be married and to want to have children. If you don't have those desires, then that is great also and you can consider yourself perhaps one of the ones "called" to singleness. As long as you have the desires for a relationship and children, then it is also fine to pursue those things.
BUT (and this is the big catch), we must be careful to not let our desire for anything interfere with or come before our desire for God. Just as my body gets hungry and needs food, so I may also desire companionship. But, I should not let my desire for food become a stumbling block or cause me to engage in gluttony. Similarly, my desire for companionship should not result in me foregoing honoring God with my body and serving God first -- not just in purity, but also in the things that consume my thoughts.
Just as it would be sin for me to spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about my meals and what I wanted to eat next (when such time should be spent on more meaningful activities), so I should not spend an inordinate amount of time focusing on finding a mate and having children.
5. a sassy sister said the following at 12:33 PM on Oct 28:
need a catchy name:
I couldn't agree more. What's really interesting is that the Boundless article actually talks about taking a BALANCED approach to pleasure and desire. Even Thomas talks about enjoying pleasure with a "submissive" hand.
I don't think any of the posters here are saying that the strong desire for marriage is wrong. It's how that desire is pursued and communicated that is problematic....
6. Texas Craig said the following at 12:51 PM on Oct 28:
LOL, BDB (#3)!
Too funny. If one didn't want to be a hermit, he could also live on the corner of a rooftop:
Proverbs 25:24: Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.
:-)
7. Jen said the following at 1:02 PM on Oct 28:
I agree with this author. And it makes me feel better about wanting marriage. But it doesn't make me feel better about God -- I *do* see Him as a taunting, teasing God sometimes. Esp. when He knows I want to be married so much but still won't give it to me at age 31 (32 next month).
I know that is not His nature. So I am continually telling myself the truth: He is good. Always.
8. BDB said the following at 1:25 PM on Oct 28:
Texas Craig (#6) - that would also make a good "life verse."
9. SarahJane said the following at 2:14 PM on Oct 28:
"So when we participate in this world as He made it, we celebrate him every bit as much as we honor Him when we do things that reflect His redeeming work." I love this!!! How good is that Lord, that he created so much for us to do and enjoy?!
Just a thought - even Adam had to wait for Eve. God made Adam, placed him in the garden, spoke with him, brought all the animals to Adam to be named, (and Adam even had a power-nap) all before Eve came into his life.
But the wait was worth it for a helper who was "just right" :-)
10. Peter said the following at 2:40 PM on Oct 28:
May I suggest that this article also has something to say WRT how we assess a potential spouse.
It is not true that the only things that are "spiritual", worth doing, and that contribute to the Kingdom of God exist exclusively within the Church. There are a limited number of positions available in any congregation for Elders, Teachers or Worship-leaders.
Given the teaching of Christ and the Apostles on supporting the physical needs of those who depend on us, it seems that farming, building and plumbing are as honourable (done rightly) in God's sight as pastoring.
11. Kevin said the following at 3:29 PM on Oct 28:
I used to infer from God's own words about Adam's state of aloneness in Gen. 2:18, that God was in some way not enough. I believe this has led me to disappointment in God for my current unmarried state.
However, I recently heard from a Village Church sermon of another way of understanding the significance of Gen. 2:18. The main point argued was that the significance of Adam's aloneness was not some lack in God, but rather a lack in Adam - a lack in Adam's ability to glorify God on Adam's own. I'd never considered this idea before, but it seems more consistent with God's revelation than the idea that somehow God is not enough.
What do folks here think?
12. Lisa said the following at 3:54 PM on Oct 28:
Hey Jen (#7), I'm exactly the same age -- and yes, same activity: reminding myself that He will be as He already has been: so very good to me!
13. Carol said the following at 5:48 PM on Oct 28:
Peter (#8) It took me a second to remember what WRT stands for (with respect to). Thanks for reminding me of my college calculus days. :)
14. RN2DO2011 said the following at 8:45 PM on Oct 28:
Kevin (#11): I agree and like that view, that Adam couldn't glorify God alone. I'm not sure on this, but I think that one of the main reasons I am 28 and still single is because God is most glorified with me (for this time) wholeheartedly pursuing what he's called me to do (I'm a medical student...).
And it messes with my theology to say that God isn't enough for me in any one area. If he isn't enough in the area of relationships, one could extrapolate and say that he isn't enough in the area of finances, education, etc. and find my his/her way.
Yes, God gives good gifts, but He is sufficient in the absence of those gifts as well.
15. Sasha said the following at 11:00 PM on Oct 28:
Thank you SO MUCH for this fantastic article! More Christians need to be expressing this message with their words and actions in their daily lives. I think a lot of non-Christians are turned off of Christianity by the impression that Christians hate everything -- particularly all pleasure -- that's not "spiritual". I live in a really beautiful part of the world and I am tired of hearing Christians disregard or even disparage the beauty of nature and the exhilaration that it gives to us as human beings. We Christians need to affirm others' reaction to the beauty of nature...and explain to them that nature points towards its Creator. We need to realize that enjoying the beauty of nature can be an act of worship....not worship of nature, but of God who created it. Same thing with other sorts of "earthly" pleasures. Christians need to stop being the "people who don't have any fun". On the contrary, we should be the happiest, most fun-loving people on the planet! :)
16. Adam said the following at 10:12 AM on Oct 29:
Hey Everyone!
We discussed some of these issues in class on Wednesday. I think that there are some distinctions and clarifications that need to be made here. First of all, talking about Jesus being sufficient is somewhat ambiguious. What do we mean by that? I would say that we need to distinguish between two different kinds of fulfillment: ultimate fulfillment and fulfillment of everyday needs.
You see, it is true that God gives his people things they need such as food and water. However, you never hear anyone say that they have found their ultimate satisfaction in food. Such is absurd.
I think that there is a connection between women who just simply have to be married, because, as they argue, there is a difficiency in their very nature if they are not married, and those who are addicted to pornography. The irony of all of this is that marriage never cures any of this. My professor says he knows of many women who thought in this fashion who ended up getting to marriage, and they mistreated their spouse, and slept around on their spouse simply because of the fact that he was not delivering what they wanted. Also, what is the common complaint from women who have husbands that are addicted to pornography? It is simply that they cannot compete with pornography, and what she does is never good enough. One can even see this in the fact that pornography can be used for hours at a time. If it is so fulfilling, why does it take so long?
Might I suggest that, in both of these instances, the real problem is not one of marriage or sexuality. The real problem is one of *ultimate* intimacy. You see, I think one of the ironies of the blurring of the lines of the distinction between ultimate desires and simple every day needs is that it prevents us from asking the tough question of where it is that we find our ultimate intimacy.
You see, I would argue that those who say that they just have to have marriage because it is part of their nature, and those who are addicted to pornography are looking to fulfill their ultimate desire for intimacy in material things which can never fulfill those desires. Yes, we need to enjoy the world, but one of the problems with the world is that the world can never be transcendent. It was never made to be. Ultimate fulfillment, then, must be sought outside the world.
I would argue that, in order to truly love our spouses, we must first find ultimate fulfillment in God. If we do not, we will be forcing our spouses to fill a role they were never meant to fill. This is what I believe is meant by the phrase "You have to stop really wanting to get married before God will bring you a spouse." The point is that you have to stop wanting it in the ultimate sense, as if it is somehow going to complete you. In fact, I believe that it is an act of God's mercy that he does not allow many people to marry, as the damage that can be done to a spouse in forcing them to be too much is simply devistating. However, when these things are surrendered to God, it is amazing how many people get married quickly.
Now, what of Genesis 2:18. My first question that I want to ask is where in the context is there anything about ultimate desires or intimacy, and where in the context is there anything about completing Adam's nature? Not only that, but this statement in Genesis 2:18 must be taken with the statement in Genesis 3:16:
Genesis 3:16 To the woman he said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."
That last emboldened phrase is very clearly negative in character [c.f. Genesis 4:7]. Here, rather than being a helper, the woman is doomed to a life of functioning in seeking to dominate man because of her sin. Many exegetes have noticed that woman gets a very strong punishment as her punishments go against the way in which she was created to function. Hence, because of the fall, there will be strife in marriage; there will be difficulties. Are these things "good" or "not good?" Obviously, the latter. Hence, just as it is "not good" for the man to be alone, it is "not good" for the man to be married because of sin.
Hence, two things can be said about this text. First of all, there is nothing about the man's nature here, nor is there anything about his ultimate desires. Secondly, one must take into account the fall in our discussion of all of this, and what the fall did to marriage.
God Bless,
Adam
17. DannieA said the following at 1:59 PM on Oct 29:
BDB and Texas Craig...
ROFL
You guys are great!
18. Texas Craig said the following at 1:59 PM on Oct 29:
Nice post, Adam. Good thoughts to keep in mind.
19. Jill said the following at 3:26 PM on Oct 29:
Adam (#16)>> great post. What you say about completeness was certainly true for me.
As a whole I agree with the crux of the article, but there was something about those last few lines that hit me in the gut, and struck me as false. It was extremely provocative, as I’m sure it was intended to be.
God did not say, "I am not enough." he said it "it is not good..." I think I agree with Kevin (#11). God created us with a need for human companionship. He could have chosen not to, but I don't believe it is an accident. Marriage, as we see in Ephesians 5, a picture of Jesus' love for the church. Marriage is a loving reflection of God's love. I believe that this is how we glorify God in marriage. It is a reflection of what God himself is like—a God who keeps his covenants, and loves even when we are unlovely. It is a picture of grace.
But to say "God is not enough," seems to #1 make those who are single discontent with their creator and #2 take what is a good gift and make an idol of it. God is our ultimate source of joy, not his gifts. God gave us marriage not because he is not enough, but to display his infinite grace in us and to the world.
20. Robin Munn said the following at 9:04 AM on Oct 30:
#1, #16 - Well said.
Years ago, one of my married friends told me, "Robin, if you're too focused on your desire to get married someday, on the gifts God hasn't given you yet, you'll be guilty of ignoring the gifts He's given you today." He was right. Being single has allowed me to go to Africa on a moment's notice, and allows me to spend a lot more time on my work. I can spend an entire evening working if I need to, whereas if I was married I'd be shortchanging my wife if I did that.
Now, do I still desire to be married? Absolutely. Would I be better equipped to serve God as a married man than a single man? I believe so. If God brings a godly woman with a heart for missions across my path, will I pursue her (in a God-honoring way)? You bet.
BUT -- If God never allows me to be married, I've reached a point where I can accept that. That was a very hard thing to do, by the way -- reaching that point of acceptance took a lot of deliberate prayer a couple years ago. Basically, by giving my desire for marriage over into God's hands, I've accepted the fact that He may say no.
But you know what? The result is that I have been able to find my sense of security and ultimate love in God, rather than looking for it in a spouse (who could never be strong enough to fill that desperate need). And thus, I'm actually more marryable than I used to be, because I won't be expecting my wife to meet emotional needs she's not capable of meeting. Instead, I have a reservoir of emotional strength which I will be able to use to meet her needs. (As long as she, too, has learned not to expect her spouse to meet her need for God -- that's something I would be on the lookout for as a red flag when dating someone).
If I had to offer one word of advice to singles wanting to be married (and keep in mind I'm still in that category myself), it is this: marriage will not fulfill your every emotional need. If you expect it to, you'll place a burden on your spouse that he/she will be unable to carry, and you'll set yourself up for a miserable, lonely marriage. And being single and lonely is far preferable to being married and lonely. Ground your emotional security in God's unconditional love for you, and you'll be much better prepared to have a good, satisfying, lasts-a-lifetime marriage.
21. Blair said the following at 1:59 PM on Nov 3:
I liked the article, but too do not like the idea that God in Himself is not enough. I believe God is sufficient but made most of us to be married, it is his design and should be honored and properly pursued. Im reading Gary Thomas's book Sacred Marriage. It is amazing. It will be something I hope to study with the my future huspand before we get married.
BDB and Texas Craig, you really are hilarious and Im guessing still single ;).
22. IML said the following at 10:46 AM on Nov 4:
I agree with others that the two paragraphs of the quote present a poor paraphrase of what God actually said to Adam. "It is not good," can mean any number of things including-- "solitary fellowship with me was not the purpose of my design for you." However, nothing in scripture suggests that God considers himself not enough. To the contrary, one of the names of God in scripture, El Shaddai, is translated the all sufficient God.
Let's be careful not to change God's words to make a more persuasive argument. God has literally said only what He said, not our interpretation of what He said.
23. donna said the following at 6:55 PM on Nov 5:
And must say as other has, don't agree with the statement that God isn't enough. I think that we have to be careful of saying God is all I need, but I think that's different than saying He's not enough. For instance I may find myself lonely and lonely because I've been detached either from friends or family or the church etc. But God may fulfill that desire by connecting me with someone or with Himself, yet I don't super spiritualize the fact that I can be content with Him only by brushing off earthly relationships because they are necessary because He designed us that way yet I'm not dependent on any one relationship apart from my relationship with God.