Spiritual Leadership in Dating: Episode 86

Woe is my Car -- 00:00
I've never had a flat tire, never changed my own oil and to be honest these days I don't even fill up my own gas tank. I like that my car gets me to church on Sunday, work on Tuesday, and the grocery store when we run out of coffee beans but beyond insert key, turn, drive I know nothing about how my car works.

So Tuesday when I had smoking, oil smelling car issues I had no idea what do ... except for cry. After a teary moment I summoned my inner mechanic, walked across the street to the car parts store and asked for an oil cap and a gallon of synthetic oil and returned to perform my first ever act of car maintenance. Apparently, I'm a natural with a grease rag because I didn't get a single smudge on my Ann Taylor clearance rack dress.

This week Motte, Lisa, Steve, and I are joined by Boundless listener Emma to talk about our car woes. You might remember Emma from her WAY a while back. It was a blast to have one of our New Zealand listeners in the studio with us. If you're ever passing through, let us know. We'd love to see you too!

Phil Stacey -- 16:11
American Idol contestant and singer song-writer Phil Stacey talks to Lisa about his American Idol experience, his new album and the Lordship of Christ in his life. He shares some interesting insider info about American Idol that you won't want to miss.

Spiritual Leadership in Dating -- 38:58

In a dating relationship, what does spiritual leadership look like? I know it can't be as simple as leading one devotion a week or praying before meals. Can you judge the quality of the man's spiritual leadership based on the woman's spiritual growth? If the man is a good spiritual leader, whatever that means, then the woman should grow accordingly, right?

Motte and Steve help our listener figure out what it means to lead spiritually in a dating relationship for this week's inbox.

Comments

You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

1. Dan said the following at 10:24 PM on Sep 10:

Hey, the second part of the spiritual leadership question wasn't answered, or was it answered indirectly?

Can you judge the quality of the man's spiritual leadership based on the woman's spiritual growth? If the man is a good spiritual leader, whatever that means, then the woman should grow accordingly, right?

2. Blue Sarah said the following at 4:45 AM on Sep 11:

Yay Emma... but do you think they know what a motorway is?

3. a sassy sister said the following at 8:36 AM on Sep 11:

to dan:

where does personal responsibility play into this? and by what standard do you judge spiritual maturity and spiritual growth? Is it based on scripture memory, or is it based on whether or not the person lives out the scriptures daily in their attitudes and behavior in the relationship?

4. Kari said the following at 3:39 PM on Sep 11:

My boyfriend never understood what it technically meant to be a spiritual leader.... and neither did I, until I dated him for awhile.

And maybe this isn't really the definition, but it is as close as I've come to one:

Brian challenges me to change--not only by calling me out on issues, but more subtly, through his example of service, his convictions, and his love toward people. He leads me all the time in multiple areas-- his life is his testimony, and his leadership.

5. Rachael said the following at 4:55 PM on Sep 11:

If one is expecting their spouse's influence to be a (significant; notable) factor on their own spiritual growth...I guess...there may very well be a significant chance of disappointment. (my opinion)

In the dating stage, perhaps this can be evaluated and prioritized, if that's what one wants to do. Ideals are nice.

However, even if one is encouraged by that in dating, just try not to expect it TOO heavily in marriage once the marriage has started. My opinion. Hope for it? Sure, to some extent. But be careful about high hopes...very high hopes are dangerous for the heart, in my opinion. Even about things that seem 'good'.

It would be wonderful if a couple were to enhance one another's spiritual growth, but, in reality, dependency on that might lead to disappointment. I think dependency on any hope/expectation can really lead to disappointment.

And another factor might be immediate results. Like, even if one can't really see spiritual influence in remarkable ways, it may very well be there and perhaps it could be seen over time.

I don't think all spouses constantly enhance the other spouse's spiritual growth in obvious ways. Perhaps many do. But I wouldn't be surprised if many don't.

If there are any reading this who are in relationships where their spouse is really not very good spiritually (and I'm currently often weak in character [i.e., sin] , so that must be that I'm weak spiritually, too):

There is hope!! I'm related to a couple where the man, much later in life, really started getting into the Word. Like, reading it every weekday before he went to work, I think. And I think if you were to ask his wife she'd say he's changed. Granted, other factors may be at play (like, their young kids grew up; they got older), but it's very, very likely that His reading of the Bible played a significant factor.

And I think further along his Bible reading journey, phrases would start to jump out at him.

Remember depth can happen over time.

And the wife might be a good example of the 'without a word' approach.

Even when they read the Bible, I think currently (or at least recently), she doesn't share her thoughts immediately. She lets him discover what jumps out at him...

Anyway, I love these people and just thought I'd share this in case people want some hope.

6. Kathleen in SF said the following at 11:55 AM on Sep 12:

Kari writes: "Brian challenges me to change--not only by calling me out on issues, but more subtly, through his example of service, his convictions, and his love toward people."

To which I would respond: Great, but aren't you doing the same? And if you do the same, do you have to give it a different, submissive name simply because you're female?