Running Together
by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin on 07/15/2009 at 10:50 AM
I spent that evening the way I did most Sunday nights — doing laundry, changing the sheets, mopping the kitchen floor.
The evening I met my now-fiancé was truly mundane. But how God brought us together was far from ordinary. In "A Year to Love," I recount the last year of my life and how God introduced me to my soon-to-be husband, Kevin.
Though 30 was not the age I anticipated meeting the man I would marry (I expected that day to come much sooner), I have no regrets about my past decade as a single woman. Just as I have watched God faithfully lead me in many areas of my life during those years, this year I have seen Him do the same in my romantic life.
I used to wonder why I couldn't seem to meet someone great (when many of my friends could and did), and my mind couldn't even comprehend how God would bring a godly man into my life. More than once I tried to force it; I tried to settle for a relationship that just wasn't quite there, or I became attached to a person who didn't demonstrate the spiritual quality I knew God desired for my future spouse.
But my relationship with Kevin, though a fantastic story, had a very natural quality. I simply couldn't get away from him:
In his sermon series on Song of Solomon, Tommy Nelson talks about courtship and marriage in terms of a race. Nelson says that as Christian singles "run the race" God has set before them, they should be looking to see who is to their right and left as they run. Who is keeping pace, running nearby, heading the same direction?
I had been running that race alone throughout my 20s. Sometimes I would look over and catch a glimpse of someone, but inevitably they would veer off another direction or pass me by. Even a few godly relationships just did not click. In those moments, I would cry out to the Lord and try to understand His love and His purpose for me.
From the day I met Kevin, he kept popping up next to me — church, children's ministry, improv.
I would never want to use my own story to oversimplify the journey from singleness to marriage. However, if I could, I would give back some of the worries I experienced before meeting Kevin. Ultimately, I did not have to do much (other than be myself) to attract the right guy's attention. I'm not saying our relationship has been without challenges or that we don't have to put forth effort to make it work (we do). I am saying that my relationship with Kevin didn't require forcing. Our lives naturally fit together, our community approved of our relationship and we both have absolute peace.
I used to say that God had so faithfully led me in other areas of my life that I expected Him to do the same if and when a godly guy entered the scene. That has been the case. Whether I'm single or married does not change God's character. Regardless of my circumstances, He is worthy and He is good.
The only insight I have come up with is that God knows and He loves. There is no formula to how He brought Kevin and me together. I do know that we were each faithfully serving the Lord where He had placed us. We were running the race. And God chose to intervene in some significant ways so that we would run it together.
Run faithfully today. You never know who may be running nearby.
1. Rebekah in SoCal said the following at 11:21 AM on Jul 15:
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Thank you Suzanne for another poignant article. I’ve been so richly blessed over the years by your insight into issues of singleness and faithfulness to God. (“Not Your Buddy” is the first article I recall reading on Boundless and it made me a frequent reader).
I am so glad you have continued to contribute despite the fact that you are now a Not-single. I have treasured your words, in part, b/c seeing a fabulous woman stuck single somehow validated my own prolonged singleness, but I think you will continue to point my attention to God even with your Mrs.
2. Michelle (in the UK) said the following at 11:47 AM on Jul 15:
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Thank you so much for writing this article.
Oddly enough I got very similar advice this morning from someone else. I love how God orchestrates those little things.
I met someone this weekend, a weekend where the last thing I expected was to meet anyone (I was on a short holiday to Switzerland). And although I don't know what will be the future I do know that this article and this experience reminded me that you really don't know who you may meet, when or where.
Thank you Suzanne for your little reminder to keep your eye on the prize (Jesus) and that He will never change.
3. Becky said the following at 11:50 AM on Jul 15:
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Suzanne, much of what you talked about in this post was MY experience as well.
And I echo what you said about going back and letting go of some of the angst, if I could.
It's fun sharing this journey with you!
4. J. said the following at 11:54 AM on Jul 15:
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Suzanne, I am happy for you. :-)
I've always been under the impression that you love your job and are fulfilled by it: You work for a prominent ministry organization, get to make a living with writing, and meet interesting people as part of a day's work. Do you think this has made singleness easier for you, in terms of feeling like you have a Kingdom purpose in spite of not having a husband? It seems that one reason singleness is difficult for many is that their jobs are often monotonous and joyless, and finding a new job is *much* easier said than done. In many cases, these circumstances are easier tolerated bv married individuals who have a spouse and/or kids to provide for. Of course, we all have a purpose under God -- no matter what our careers are, no matter what our marital status is -- but singles working in boring corporate jobs to provide only for themselves tend to have to put forth more effort to see this.
5. Emily said the following at 12:01 PM on Jul 15:
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Suzanne - I just want to tell you how much your story has been an encouragement to me. It's a beautiful testimony to the goodness of God, and I'm inspired by you. You and I have a lot in common, and it gives me hope. Thank you for your faith, and for sharing it here.
6. Sarah C said the following at 12:14 PM on Jul 15:
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Thanks Suzanne for writing this. It serves both as a reminder as well as encouragement for me. Keep it up :-)
7. Alexis said the following at 12:18 PM on Jul 15:
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I can totally relate to this. I just got married 2 1/2 weeks ago at 27 (almost 28) years of age. I too tried to force relationships in the past with Godly men that just didn't quite "work". My marriage relationship still takes effort but I understand what you mean when you say it isn't forced. It just is, and it works. God is good, all the time. I look back and wish I could have trusted Him more, and my advice to anyone who is where I was..."TRUST!" You'll never look back and say, "I wish I would have trusted God less."
8. Megan said the following at 12:39 PM on Jul 15:
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However, if I could, I would give back some of the worries I experienced before meeting Kevin.
This is a beautiful statement and I need to remember this.
9. Julianne said the following at 12:46 PM on Jul 15:
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I echo the other comments of thanks and gratitude for your sharing the incredible story of God's work in your life - thank you Suzanne!
I'm so encouraged by your words, your wisdom and your life of worship. Praise God for his faithfulness and consistency in all seasons! May he continue to bless you and Kevin as your transition to running with one another for the rest of your lives!
10. SG said the following at 1:16 PM on Jul 15:
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Thank you for writing this article. It really encourages me to put more Trust in Christ and give up trying to control and navigate my own life.
11. Rebekah in SoCal said the following at 1:41 PM on Jul 15:
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"Whether I'm single or married does not change God's character. Regardless of my circumstances, He is worthy and He is good."
These sentences sum up so much of what God has been teaching me this year. I wrote them out and posted it on my desk top as a constant reminder.
12. Another "J" said the following at 1:50 PM on Jul 15:
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I so agree with #4 J! I am so happy for you Suzanne. Really, you don't know how encouraging it is to hear your story. Now I'm waiting for God to bring about something like this for Lisa (maybe she will meet him at a Gaither concert??). Anyway, back to comment # 4. Does anyone at Boundless have advice for singles in sort of meaningless jobs (yet cannot really go on the search for something totally different)? It is hard to always keep in mind the fact that I still have a bigger purpose under God. Also, after a full day of work it can also be exhausting to go out and do other things in the evening. But how else does one find community as well as have the chance of meeting someone?
13. Jo said the following at 1:55 PM on Jul 15:
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Yay. :) I love this article, it might be my favourite from Boundless ever. Definitely my favourite on the topic of singleness/relationships.
14. DannieA said the following at 2:38 PM on Jul 15:
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so um literally speaking....do you and Kevin run together as well?
Not denying the power of your post, but literally running with a partner is a really good way to grow closer as well. Or if you don't like to run, walking does the trick as well.
15. Suzanne Hadley said the following at 2:59 PM on Jul 15:
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DannieA,
I am a runner and Kevin did cross-country in high school. We have not literally run much together because our schedules don't allow it, but I'll consider the tip!
16. Ashley Harris said the following at 3:04 PM on Jul 15:
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Sadly, literally running together doesn't work for everyone.
My fiance is 11 inches taller than I am which makes an enjoyable running experience almost impossible. He can walk at the rate I run. For someone who loves to run, this was disappointing :(
17. DannieA said the following at 3:23 PM on Jul 15:
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My friend and I run together and it has deepend our relationship....her husband isn't keen on running, but they exercise together....she runs hard and he bikes...does the same trick.
BTW, walking/hiking for at least an hour works as well.
Ashley, I can relate because I'm petite and slower than an 8 min. mile (most guys I know run faster than a 10:30 mile), but that's why I included walking/hiking as well.
18. BDB said the following at 3:53 PM on Jul 15:
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Ashley (#16) - as your knees get more running experience, you folks may want to consider cycling, which makes it easier to match pace.
19. Kristina said the following at 4:20 PM on Jul 15:
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I feel like you are telling my story, Suzanne. Now I know what the ending looks like. =)
I'm 28 years old and single. It's been tough, but recently the Lord revealed to me that I will be married in 2 years and that in the meantime I need to be serving and delighting in Him. Since then I have joined the Children's Ministry at my church and am trying to "run the race" until that special person God has set aside for me comes along. When the going gets tough (I too had a lonely and tear-laced New Years), I hold fast to His promise and that's what gets me by.
Again, through your testimony I have a glimse of what I'm in for if I just continue to put my trust in His unfailing word and to do what He has instructed me to do. That is a big encouragement!
I wish you a long, happy, Christ-filled marriage. =)
20. brx said the following at 4:23 PM on Jul 15:
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Re:
"From the day I met Kevin, he kept popping up next to me — church, children's ministry, improv."
Oddly, some time ago, a similar thing happened with a girl I met - she seemed to start popping up in many areas of similar interest where I was already involved - and not wanting to be rude, I welcomed her. :) Consequently, over time, I kind of did begin to like her. As I understand it, someone then asked her if we were dating; that bothered her, and reflecting on those frequent incidents of bumbing into each other, she accused me of stalking her! :( I politely pointed out that I hadn't changed any habits of my activity, ministry, or social involvements and therefore that's a wrong and hurtful conclusion; it was in fact she, who had been entering into new involvements where I already was.
Sadly, trust and friendship has never really been restored between us (not for lack of my gentle trying over the years). I think it's particularly sad because it's not a good picture of how brother-sister relationships should look like in the Kingdom of God; it's a very poor witness.
Grace, peace & security in Christ
21. Anonymously Pondering a Question said the following at 5:40 PM on Jul 15:
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brx, that stinks :( You are right, that is a really bad assumption for her to make. Perhaps she's avoiding you because she's embarrassed she made that statement. "Stalking" is a pretty creepy word.
But it does lead me to ask a question I've wondered about for a while:
Guys, if a woman showed up at a ministry you lead, and later found out it was (partly) because she was attracted to you, would you be weirded out?
Of course, the assumption is that the ministry she's showing up at is (a) appropriate (i.e., not a men's group ;) and (b) a genuine interest of hers.
22. RN2DO2011 said the following at 6:11 PM on Jul 15:
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Thanks for this, Suzanne! I went to Tommy Nelson's Song of Solomon conference several years ago, and when he said this, it stuck with me. It is so true and timeless...and I'm still waiting for that someone to run alongside.
There are those who come and go, but they have been very brief encounters and I know the Lord is protecting me and preparing me for the time when I will be striving after Him and look over and see someone else who is striving after Him in the same ways I am called.
Thanks again for the reminder! The past few weeks have been full of "when, God?", but I know I need to keep trusting and pursuing Him.
23. KC said the following at 6:55 PM on Jul 15:
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Thanks for sharing. Your story has been such a wonderful encouragement.
24. KC said the following at 6:56 PM on Jul 15:
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Thanks for sharing. Your story has been such a wonderful encouragement.
25. BDB said the following at 7:09 PM on Jul 15:
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@21 - I'm going to begin by including this passage from the story of how Missionary Jonathan Goforth met his wife. The story is 120 years old, and told from her perspective:
The following Saturday found me in the large, square workers' room of the Toronto Mission Union. Chairs were set all around the walls, but the center was empty. Just as the meeting was about to begin, Jonathan Goforth was called out. He had been sitting across the corner from me with several people in between. As he rose, he placed his Bible on the chair.
Then something happened which I could never explain, nor try to excuse. Suddenly I felt literally impelled to step across, past four or five people, take up the Bible and return to my seat. Rapidly I turned the leaves and found the Book worn almost to shreds in parts and marked from cover to cover. Closing the book, I quickly returned it to the chair, and returning to my seat, I tried to look very innocent. It had all happened within a few moments, but as I sat there, I said to myself, "That is the man I would like to marry."
That very day, I was chosen as one of a committee to open a new mission in the east end of Toronto, Jonathan Goforth being also on the same committee. In the weeks that followed I had many opportunities to glimpse the greatness of the man which even a shabby exterior could not hide. So when, in that autumn, he said, "Will you join your lfe with mine for China?" my answer was yes, without a moment's hesitation.
Cite: Rosalind Goforth, Goforth of China (Minneapolis: Bethany, n.d.), 47-49
26. BDB said the following at 7:24 PM on Jul 15:
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@21 Asked:
>>Guys, if a woman showed up at a ministry you lead, and later found out it was (partly) because she was attracted to you, would you be weirded out?<<
First of all, the ministry I lead requires a background check by the church, so that makes me feel more comfortable.
The weirdness factor can be affected by a number of things:
1) While it's not a church rule, my personal rule is to not date anyone in the group I lead. Given the current people in the group (men and grandmothers), this rule doesn't get in the way of anything.
2) I think it's a good rule for anyone in leadership. If, for example, a Bible-study leader became interested in someone in his group, at a minimum he'd need to go to the pastor in charge of the Bible studies and seek guidance on what the church policies are for such a relationship.
3) My church has a rule for short-term missions trips that no one can begin a romantic relationship with anyone in the group from the time they sign the form until they return home. So, if a woman did that to a guy who was leading one of these trips, she needs to keep those sentiments to herself at least for the duration of the trip. Otherwise, he'd be forced into the situation of stepping down from leading or reassigning her to a different team.
That said, I think it's a wonderful idea. Volunteering together is an excellent way to observe someone's character and spiritual commitment. But this is where the rubber meets the road on the women-not-initiating thing: Elisabeth Elliot would counsel that she should say nothing to him or to anyone else in the hopes it might get back to him. Let him initiate or it will likely scare him away.
Some of our mission trips are pretty lopsided anyway: picture two single men (including the leader) and eight single women mixed in with a few married folks. If all the women signed up to get to know the leader better...well, you can see the reason for the rule!
27. Kelly said the following at 9:54 PM on Jul 15:
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I couldn't read this without crying.
And I'm just wondering, do any other single women have the same reaction when reading a beautiful story of romance?
I can't watch romantic films because they upset me too much. My friends all sigh dreamily at the end, saying, "What a beautiful love story!" whereas for me, all I feel is pain. I REMEMBER having that feeling of love, of companionship, of having a special person who understood me.
And when I see it in others, it just hurts so much.
It's a flashing, painful reminder of that 'thing' I want, love, human companionship, the thing deep within us all.
I can't be the only one who reacts like this, can I?
28. Charlotte C. said the following at 10:52 PM on Jul 15:
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Your article truly blew me away. :)
As I read through it, I could just feel God at work in your life and it's amazing because He did it with perfect timing (the whole story was very natural indeed).
Your article has encouraged me to trust God's timing more. It also let me rethink if I was forcing anything or being too impatient with God.
Thanks for sharing your story!
Oh and will Kevin share his side of the story? I'm sure it'll be interesting :)
29. brx said the following at 11:30 PM on Jul 15:
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Re: Anonymously Pondering a Question [#21];
"if a woman showed up at a ministry you lead, and later found out it was (partly) because she was attracted to you, would you be weirded out?"
In general - of course not! guys tend to be flattered that way :) Important disclaimer: don't tell him that was a factor unless you've already established a good friendship where you can talk about those kinds of subjects without being awkward; don't stay in the ministry because you're attracted to him - that's not a wise use of your time & talents, and it would definitely be weird if you just disappeared after finding out he's not interested in you in that way.
Also, thanks for the vote of confidence regarding the stalker issue. And in fairness to her and myself, I'm realizing that in the church, there are more broken people - in need of all kinds of grace from each other - than there are perfect, whole, ideal people.
Grace, peace & real friendship
30. Lynn said the following at 11:31 PM on Jul 15:
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Suzanne,
Your story is incredibly encouraging and I'm so happy for you. My own hope for a similar happy ending is fading, but I want to keep hoping that it's not too late for me.
Your post/story does raise a question for me, however. How do we juxtapose your story with Boundless admonitions to "be intentional", "pull a Ruth" or "crack twigs"?
I think most women want to believe that they will meet their husbands in the course of their daily lives just as you did (I certainly do). Moreover, stories like yours reinforce the idea that we don't need to do anything special to get married -- that it will happen in Gods' timing -- and in the meantime we shouldn't/needn't worry.
So, what's a girl to do?
31. gracerose said the following at 7:17 AM on Jul 16:
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What I like about this article is that it confirms something I've long suspected. There is no formula. No magic key. No combination of perfect weight, Godly contentment, and church membership. It happens when it happens. Sometimes that's the hardest part to grasp -- that the timing is in nobody's hands but God's.
32. Olivia said the following at 8:23 AM on Jul 16:
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Suzanne,
Your recent articles have been an encouragement to me as well. I'm 29 years old and single (having let go of a relationship that wasn't Christ-centered). I've had the same worries and concerns myself, wondering if I've been called to be single since looking to both sides there seem to be no potential running mates. But Psalm 119:133 - "Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me" and Proverbs 16: 9 "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." has been an encouragement to me as of late. Even though I can't see God working in this area of my life, I know that He is faithful and that He still is working. We live by faith and not by sight.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and more importantly your marriage - may God accomplish the plans that He has for you and Kevin individually and as a couple.
33. Heather said the following at 9:28 AM on Jul 16:
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Congratulations, Suzanne! Thank you for encouraging me with your story. Your articles have always been a blessing to me !
34. Anonymously Pondering a Question said the following at 10:37 AM on Jul 16:
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BDB and brx, thanks for your thoughts.
Judging by your posts on this blog, you guys are solid dudes and I trust your insights. I feel better now :)
PS I'm not the type to race up to a guy and pounce, or even do the obvious hint thing... so your advice about not trying to initiate, and not spilling my guts, is well taken and will be observed!
35. Nicole (from Boston) said the following at 2:10 PM on Jul 16:
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Great post, Suzanne. I've really enjoyed "hearing" your story and seeing how God works through the very mundane acts of service for Him to bring people together. I really appreciated the last lines in this post (Run faithfully today. You never know who may be running nearby.) Your example of faithful service in singleness inspires me. I'm so excited for you and Kevin!!
And I agree with Charlotte C. (#28). I'd love to hear Kevin's side of the story too. :)
36. Tara C. said the following at 3:29 PM on Jul 16:
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Suzanne,
Many congratulations! It's wonderful to see God work in your life, especially when you least expect it. And this will be a great "how we met" story to tell your kids.
To gracerose #31: I think your suspicions are correct. There is no formula for meeting "the one," and I believe that sometimes God intends certain people to remain single. And that idea IS hard to grasp, because it means that us humans have no control.
To Boundless editors: Suzanne's recent engagement is great, but I'm beginning to wonder if you guys are overdoing it. I think I've seen three or four stories and one video involving Suzanne and Kevin. Is Suzanne being used as "the Godly example" of what happens when you follow Boundless advice? Dare I say, is she being exploited, possibly subconsciously?
37. Kellie said the following at 4:14 PM on Jul 16:
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While I think Suzanne's story is great, it is important to remember that everyone's story is different. Some us do meet our spouse through more deliberate circumstances.
38. brx said the following at 6:04 PM on Jul 16:
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Re: Anonymously Pondering a Question [#34];
BTW, I think it's totally ok for a girl to initiate friendships with guys.
A couple weeks ago, the girl I'm courting initiated a conversation about who-liked-who-when as she was curious to understand how I received her early communication 'signals'. She was pretty shocked that for the most part, I was clueless that she was interested in becoming more than friends. Thankfully, she didn't give up being friends and was prayerful about confronting me more directly - even though I gave general advice for her to ask directly if she feels a guy is being too ambiguous with her. She was going to bring it up, but prayed about it and sensed God telling her to wait. I suppose that's when God started convicting me that all our activity time together was getting to be ambiguous and I needed to 'man-up' and initiate a DTR... :)
I suspect some guys really DO want to be good friends first and too many women dump good, growing friendships because they get frustrated too quickly. My thought: keep the friendship and in case that one really isn't going to go the next level, increase the odds of having one that will by building lots of friendships!
Grace, peace & adventure on The Way
39. Sarah Ann said the following at 8:07 PM on Jul 16:
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Suzanne, I just finished reading your article "A Year to Love." Thank you for sharing that. It was encouraging to me as a single.
I am new to Boundless, but what I have read so far has been very encouraging, especially the articles for singles. Keep up the good work.
40. Ciku said the following at 12:04 AM on Jul 17:
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Thanks for sharing your story and your life with us over the years. when's the wedding? and yes we'd certainly love to hear Kevins side of the story :-)
41. Mary said the following at 2:35 AM on Jul 20:
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Kelly - #27 - I just wanted to say you're not the only one! When love stories hurt me and made me cry, I was still grieving the end of my relationship and the loss of the man I loved. At this time, seeing happy couples or watching romantic movies was like a knife through my heart. I was truly happy for those who had someone special, but oh how it hurt that God didn't want that for me (at least, not with this particular man).
It can take time to heal, but know that one day, with God's grace, you will love again! When God takes something away, it's only because He loves us and wants to give us *more*. "God cannot fill what is already full...and that is why we need to be empty, for Him to be able to fill us." --Mother Teresa
42. Carrie said the following at 2:25 PM on Jul 21:
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Kelly -#27 - your cry broke my heart. you are not alone, dearone. Jesus Himself has said that he will never, no not ever, leave you nor forsake you. He knows your heart and your pain. He knows loneliness and what a hope deferred feels like.
I'm 31, been in love, had my heart crushed, still single, desire marriage and kids (like so many boundless readers), and sometimes I cry when I read or hear about another engagement or another baby born to a friend. BUT only on some days. Other days I remember that I have seen His faithfulness proven time and time again. I have tasted that He is good (to me).
Almost daily I have to tie my heart (as it struggles against me) to the Altar of His Love and tell Him, sometimes through tears, that I am His and His will for me is more important than my will for me. Do not fear to put your life in His hands. He is a gentle Shepherd and He is good. (if you haven't read "Hind's Feet in High Places" by Hannah Hurnard, I think it would be a sweet read for you.)
43. gracerose said the following at 10:08 PM on Jul 21:
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#27 -- Kelly, you are not the only one!
I'm 31 and have seen lots of friends get engaged, get married and have babies while I remain single. I have been happy for all of them but can never shake the sadness. There's always that part that says, "What about me? When will it be my turn?"
And it's definitely hard when you remember how good it felt to be in a relationship, but for whatever reason, yours did not work out.
The thing that I pulled out of this article was when Suzanne says, "He knows and He cares." We've got to cling to fact that He loves us and hasn't left us. He is here to fill the emptiness.