Expensive Weddings Are Out
by Heather Koerner on 07/09/2009 at 9:00 AM
According to USA Today, more and more couples are saying 'I don't' to expensive weddings.
According to the article, those brides and grooms feeling the economic pinch personally are deciding to scale back on many of the traditional wedding trimmings while those who can still afford lavish weddings are striking a "more sensitive, subdued tone."
A March survey by wedding website The Knot found 40% of brides have reduced their budgets, typically by 16%. Editor in chief Carley Roney predicts that as couples start planning their nuptials, those figures will rise....Meanwhile, The Knot has seen a jump in activity on its Trash to Treasure message board, a forum for offloading gear such as tiaras, cake toppers and batches of bridesmaid dresses. The company also has launched a blog, My DIY (or Do It Yourself) Wedding Day, "because attention on that topic was so strong," Roney says.
Some wedding industry leaders believe that this switch to more frugal weddings may be permanent:
Once there's a correction in the marital marketplace, brides are going to remember the bargains their sisters and cousins bagged during the downturn and wonder, "Why can't I do it now?" says David Tutera, who plans weddings for A-list and Everywomen alike, the latter on his WE TV show, My Fair Wedding. "We're re-looking at things."
According to The Wedding Report, the average cost of a wedding fell by 24% from 2007 to 2008, though it still hovered around the MSRP of a Honda Accord.
So what's a long-time-frugal or newly frugal bride to do? Well, here's my top three:
- Cash on the Barrel, or Altar.Please don't go into debt for a wedding. Please, please (See #6). Money always lands somewhere in the top 3 reasons that couples divorce. No need to start yourself off in a nice, deep financial hole.
- Spend It Where It's Important. I had about 300 monogrammed, navy napkins left over after my wedding. Seriously, my hubbie and I were still using them at our second anniversary. I'm not sure one wedding guest remembers how they wiped their mouth at my reception. I do, however, still have my professional wedding photograph next to my bed. Decide what's really important to you and what you'll remember 10 years later and spend your money there.
- Check out all the really good ideas the Boundless Line readers had the last time we blogged about frugal weddings.
Oh, and one more thing. I've been to six-figure weddings and I've been to three-figure weddings. Far beyond the flowers and ice sculptures and jazz bands, the most beautiful thing at any ceremony was the presence of the Holy Spirit around a couple who praised our Lord.
1. Dan Gill said the following at 9:17 AM on Jul 9:
My son and daughter-in-law just married. I am very pleased with the way they did things. It wasn't over the top, but it was beautiful, and their friends and family chipped in with help, including the music, the cake, the pergola, and the clean-up. I'm very proud of them.
2. DEH said the following at 9:40 AM on Jul 9:
As far as the napkin thing goes, what we did was only order a small amount of the monogrammed napkins and alternated between those and matching non-monogrammed napkins of one of our other wedding colors. That way we still got the fancy napkins, but at half the price, and like you said, no one really cares that much anyway.
My husband and I had incentive to keep costs down. My parents (who generously paid for everything :), agreed to pay our first year of car insurance if we kept costs down for our wedding. (I think we ended up spending somewhere around $5000.) When you think of all the other things you can buy with that money, it really puts things into perspective!
3. V.V. said the following at 9:41 AM on Jul 9:
I;m getting married in three months, after having "only" about nine months to plan a wedding after getting engaged. While our wedding is not on the "super" cheap, my fiance and I have been able to haggle INCREDIBLY on most things, especially the reception hall (which includes everything). It simply amazed me how much caterers were willing to cut costs when we told them up front EXACTLY how much we had to spend on the reception total. One place knocked the price down from $145 to $55 per person! (amazing how much cheaper a wedding is w/o alcohol!) And we still found a beautiful place that was less expensive than that. We're paying for this ourselves with some help from our parents, but we have yet to even need to charge a single thing. We have been blessed indeed, and the Lord is providing for stuff we need and even things we've simply wanted. But I advise anyone to seriously haggle. Say what you have and what you want - be willing to budge a bit and vendors will do the same.
Planning a wedding is so much fun! And so is planning the marriage! :-)
4. Kellie said the following at 9:49 AM on Jul 9:
Everyone always says to pay top-dollar for the pictures. My husband and I found a friend of my dad who was wanting to get into wedding photography. The pictures were great and we helped launch his business (wouldn't be able to afford his services now!)
5. Tami said the following at 10:11 AM on Jul 9:
There used to be a show, on TLC I think, where the couple and some friends and family members planned a wedding in about a week, and had a budget of $5000. (They could "win" a couple extras as well.)
Sometimes it worked really really well, sometimes not. And I learned some valuable lessons -- mainly, that you have to prioritize. If you want to spend big in one area (dress, cake), that's going to effect or limit your choices in others (e.g., location, food). But it was a great demonstration of what *can* be done -- and done nicely -- on a limited budget.
And I've seen the simple wedding done really nicely. A friend of mine got married (relatively) quickly, and with a really limited budget. I forget what was up at the time, but she couldn't use her own church, so she used her gorgeous college chapel (which, as an alumnus, she was able to get at a reduced price -- I think non-alumni have to pay a lot more); she and her wedding party got their dresses at an outlet; and the reception was held at a small place on the beach, which I happen to know was fairly affordable, especially considering the location. She and her party made all the decorations and flower arrangements.
It was gorgeous!
6. obewan said the following at 10:25 AM on Jul 9:
I'm really glad to see that expensive weddings are out.
I hate to see the huge amounts of money some people spend on just one day. It all goes up in smoke.
It makes a lot more sense to get off on the right foot saving money for a house. Also, at the end of life it is hard enough to have enough money as it is for retirement, the kids college education, and the nursing home.
I have plenty of friends who had wonderful weddings for just a few thousand dollars. They have just as many memories as those $50K weddings I have been to.
I think if I was engaged to a woman who demanded a big shin dig I would not marry her, unless of course she was rich enough to help front all that money.
7. Callie said the following at 10:48 AM on Jul 9:
I bought white poinsettias for my Dec wedding from a local Christian school that was selling them as a fund raiser. Our guests were able to take them home after the wedding.
Besides the poinsettias, the only flowers I bought were for the bridesmaids :)
8. New Bride said the following at 11:27 AM on Jul 9:
I was just married a month ago, and had under a year to plan, we were able to have a large wedding of 200 people feed them and have a fabulous day at a very small amount. I was blessed with finding some amazing deals, starting with my dress being only $107.08. :)
I found things that were on sale, or online used, or Walmart even...we made our own invitations through getting kits at 50% off coupons I got in the paper, we designed and printed our own style.... and with the generous help of family and friends we had the cake, flowers, and photography taken care of from a very low price to free. Our day was very special and with hundreds of white lights, at only $1 a box of them...day after christmas sales...we had an amazing wedding! That through hard work ourselves...people thought we spent $25,000...when indeed we spent only 1/5 of that. Since I've done it and I'm helping two other brides have their wonderful day just as special but much cheaper, I know its more then possible to do. :)
9. stevi said the following at 11:30 AM on Jul 9:
I guess I was ahead of the trend, LOL. My husband and I had a relatively low-cost wedding (around $3000) three years ago. And honestly, I think I had a lot more fun planning and "producing" my wedding than many of my friends who did much more extravagant ceremonies & receptions. I can't speak for my husband, I think it was always going to be torture for him :-).
By paying for it ourselves, we were able to lay down the law with family members that this was our day, and that we were going to do it our way, not how any relatives envisioned it should be. We cut a lot of costs by only inviting immediate family and close friends to the ceremony and reception - about 50 guests total. We had a separate celebration for more distant relations and family friends after the fact - at my parents church, with many relatives and friends pitching in for refreshments and hands to help.
The wedding itself was very DIY with lots of friends and family lending special talents. Even though we didn't have attendants in the ceremony, our friends felt very much a part of our special day.
I've left my website up to help other brides with DIY ideas: http://stevishabitat.com/weddingplans.php
10. Marie said the following at 3:26 PM on Jul 9:
I seem to observe a trend toward cutting guest lists to cut wedding costs, which I think is unfortunate. Whereas in grade school I got invited to every wedding my parents were invited to, several of the invitations that have come recently are only to my parents, even when the person getting married is almost the same age as me and knows me as well as they know my parents. When I get married, I'm not going to exclude the children of my friends. I think it's important that children have the opportunity to witness Christian weddings and learn a bit about marriage, even at a young age. And a wedding is a joyful celebration, that the WHOLE family should celebrate. What ever happened to the homemade-style meal in the church basement reception? I will have sloppy joes and fruit salad at my wedding reception and be able to invite ALL my friends and relatives rather than have a catered meal at a golf club and have to limit my guest list to 150 (I have that many relatives alone...)...to conclude, saving money is good, but be careful HOW you're saving it.
11. LouiseinPA said the following at 7:10 PM on Jul 9:
I have mixed feelings about this topic to be honest. I am getting married in less than three months and my fiancee and I's wedding will cost about the national average. To be honest, when I started planning the wedding I was into saving money but the longer I planned the less I cared about the cost. My parents have given my fiancee all of the money for the wedding except for our honeymoon and wedding rings. They want a nice reception with an open bar, dancing, traditional wedding cake, sit down dinner with beef, chicken and fish, etc. And they wanted to invite their friends to celebrate so the guest list is nearing 150.
So, my mom explicitly said she didn't want my fiancee and I to go too cheap and they would not have been happy if we scrimped and cut corners everywhere. I sort of think about the parable of the rich man who has a banquet to celebrate-weddings should be celebrations. Remember, Jesus' first miracle was turning water into wine at a wedding. Of course, you don't have to have a pricey wedding but I do think that there is nothing wrong with having a nice wedding (as long as God and the marriage is the focus) if you can afford to w/out blowing your retirement, savings, etc.
12. BDB said the following at 8:21 PM on Jul 9:
It's even cheaper if you plan far enough ahead to get the 21-day advance purchase on Southwest Airlines to Las Vegas.
Currently, $59 each way. Plus tax.
Chapel of the Flowers $199 to start. Plus tax.
And you'll probly want lunch. I went to a wedding at that Chapel once. There's fast food right on that street. Let's say $10 plus tax.
So, you can do it for under $500...
(Assuming you fly up in the morning and fly back same day, which is possible from where I'm at. OK, plus $13 to park at the airport. Tax included.)
We now return you to your Bridezilla programming...
13. A. H. said the following at 8:01 AM on Jul 10:
My husband and I had a lovely wedding last November. The wedding, honeymoon and renovations to our home (which he did to make it "perfect" for me) cost only $5,000 - $6,000. We only invited our close friends and immediate family to our wedding and kept everything simple. The result? A beautiful wedding day with minimal stress! In fact, our photographer remarked that I was the most relaxed bride he’d ever met. We were older (I was 28, he was 29) and at a point in life where we realized the important thing was not the flowers, monogrammed napkins or programs (we didn’t even bother having the last two items) but each other. We have been married for nearly 8 months and have no regrets about keeping our wedding focused on what it was supposed to be - a time for us to commit our lives to each other before God (not a time to impress our friends).
14. Jo said the following at 9:50 AM on Jul 10:
Marie, #10
"I seem to observe a trend toward cutting guest lists to cut wedding costs, which I think is unfortunate."
I agree. I'm nowhere near getting married, but to me the guests would be a priority. I want a simple, elegant wedding and there's no way I'll pay tens of thousands, but there are a lot of people in my life and even if I couldn't give them all a 3 course dinner I would want as many as possible to be there for the ceremony.
I heard the other day of a couple who decided against the normal posh expensive wedding food and simply bought fish and chips for everyone. Sounded like a fantastic idea to me. :)
15. Heather Koerner said the following at 10:43 AM on Jul 10:
BDB (12): Hoping your tongue was firmly planted in your cheek with the "Bridezilla" comment. Either way, it comes off rather unkind.
16. Shauna said the following at 10:45 AM on Jul 10:
I'm getting married in August, and my fiance and I both agree that the most important thing is that at the end of the day, you're married. Not whather or not you spend a thousand dollars on flowers, or if you have garishly elaborate centerpieces on every table, etc. Our wedding will be between $5000-6000. We are not scrimping; we are having everything that is important to either of us; we are having 100+ guests, and are feeding them supper as well as a midnight lunch.
Now granted, my fiance and I are both people with simple tastes and therefore we can do crazy things like serve KFC buffet for the wedding meal (which lowers costs considerably incidentally), or have my aunt custom make my dress using pieces of the fabric form my mom's wedding dress (Which my aunt is doing for free as her wedding present to me)... I have also found that there are LOTS of people willing to help, and if you allow people the pleasure of helping you, and keep yourself on a even keel, it really keeps down the costs. My invitations and programs were both done for free by friends (i only had to buy the paper and envelopes!)
Of course the fact that we will have been engaged for only 5 months kind of ensures that we don't let things get out of hand... And we're only using money we have, not taking out a loan or using an overdraft.
17. Kimberly Eddy said the following at 10:56 AM on Jul 10:
LOL BDB (#12), I am agreeing with you.
Does anyone else notice that the more expensive the wedding the shorter the marriage lasts or is that just in my family?
If people focused as much on MARRIAGE as they do on WEDDINGS, then I think the divorce rate would go down.
Back to BDB's comment on eloping: you don't have to fly to Vegas, unless your heart is set on having an Elvis impersonator officiate. There are many cheap wedding chapels locally too. My dream wedding would have been to elope, but I was overruled by my mom and mother in law who played the roles of bridezilla . I was still paying for my wedding and my college loans when my 2nd child was born.
18. Amir Larijani said the following at 11:30 AM on Jul 10:
FutureMrsLarijani and myself have been joking--only by half--about going to Gatlinburg and eloping.
With that in mind, BDB's suggestion is not a bad one either! ;)
(What happens in Las Vegas, stays in Las Vegas...LOL :::FutureMrsLarijani is going to give me an earful on the phone tonight!:::)
Seriously...it will be in the low 4 figures, but will be done at her church.
We both agreed that it would be the best way to do justice for the families--physical and spiritual--involved.
19. BDB said the following at 12:42 PM on Jul 10:
Heather (#15) wrote:
>>Either way, it comes off rather unkind.<<
Really? Well, I guess only some people find the term amusing. I'm not sure what other term people use. I was thinking of the TLC show, or maybe on another network, I dunno...
Reading he comments backwards, I actualy came across those who found it amusing first.
The Las Vegas example is because you can do it in one day - no waiting. I have a couple of friends who've done that - go to Vegas for the weekend and come back married. One was a widower, actually, with a disabled daughter, and what I realized eventually is that there was no way they could afford a big wedding.
The wedding in Vegas I actually went to, the bride's whole family was there. It wasn't technically an elopement, it was just...quick. At least they gave me enough time to get a 7-day advance purchase on my plane ticket!
And, frankly, they're doing better than many people with the vastly more expensive weddings. I can't remember precisely, but I think they even used standard vows...
20. BDB said the following at 12:48 PM on Jul 10:
I should mention that the reason they chose Vegas was that the bride's father was already going to be in Las Vegas that week for some NHRA drag racing. So, they just added tickets for additional family members for a few days.
21. LouiseinPA said the following at 3:29 PM on Jul 10:
I find some of the comments on this thread a bit insulting. Just because someone has a "expensive" (which is a relative term-what is expensive to some isn't to others) doesn't mean their marriage is doomed. I agree that people should take out loans to have a wedding, but I don't think there is a need to pat yourself on the back for frugality when it comes to weddings and consider yourself better than others...JMHO
22. BDB said the following at 12:23 AM on Jul 11:
What I find so weird is that the "wedding" price for many items seems to be so much more than it would be to hold a normal meeting. I've planned lots of catered events. For the reported average price of a wedding (around $30,000), I could rent a minor-league baseball stadium and put on a concert. I was on a committee of people who did it once for $25,000.
I remember when one of my fellow event-planning people from college was planning her wedding. I asked her if they quoted different prices to her for wedding reception vs. a dinner banquet. She was quiet for a moment and said, "I didn't tell them it was a wedding. I did the decorations myself."
I don't think there were any monogrammed napkins. There were little bubbles on every tabble wrapped in mesh with a ribbon. And disposable cameras on every table to take candid shots that, frankly, the bride and groom would not otherwise see.
23. Kelly said the following at 12:52 AM on Jul 11:
BDB - your comment made me laugh.
As for my hypothetical wedding... I can see myself eloping, or keeping it very small. Not because I can't afford it (the advantage of not having kids and working for ~8 years is you save a lot!), but because I don't really want such an intimate event shared with hundreds of people.
I mean, it'll be about me, my future husband, and God. And of course my family will share my joy too, but any more than that just turns it into Too Much Hard Work and too much of a distraction! ;)
(I've been to huge weddings where I got to speak to the bride for maybe 10 seconds. How is that possibly meaningful?!)
24. Kimberly Eddy said the following at 9:00 PM on Jul 11:
LouiseinPA, Please, don't feel like I am patting myself on the back for being frugal or like all expensive weddings are doomed, though I think this whole princess complex some brides seem to sport during the wedding planning stage gets a marriage off on the wrong foot both financially and just skewed focus (though, again, not always). I think as a celebration it needs to be festive and it's obviously going to cost more than say, a graduation party, but just because it's a wedding doesn't mean you throw out principles of good stewardship and wisdom...and everyone's situation is different.
I think that young women who are planning a wedding need to take a step back and remind themselves that this is only one day. If they are putting this much effort into preparing for their MARRIAGE that they are expending in preparing for their WEDDING, I have no problem.
When, after many years of marriage (hubby and I just celebrated 17 years), you look back on your wedding, you see what is important and what isn't important. And what is important is a good foundation for marriage, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, with Christ as the corner stone....and the fancy wedding is far down the list in things that help you have a happy marriage. If you go into debt for it, it can bring stress to your marriage.
25. PLH said the following at 3:48 AM on Jul 15:
Kimberly, I agree with what you are saying, but I think it's false that most people who have expensive weddings don't take time to prepare for their marriages. Sure, some don't. But there are also people who have inexpensive weddings that don't prepare for their marriage. i don't think that it's an either or situation where one precludes doing the other.
I think the biggest different is what is "expensive." I don't think anyone should live beyond their means and that includes wedding planning. I do, however, think that weddings are important life events and should be celebrated with more fan fare than say a birthday party or any anniversary would. But what that means is different for a family that makes $150,000 and $50,000.
26. Pamela Fortney said the following at 12:09 PM on Sep 11:
I am rather amused by point #2 regarding having napkins several years later. Just the other day, the power went out in my neighborhood during a storm, and the candles hubby and I ended up using were leftover table centerpieces from our reception (which we had been given by another couple after their wedding). They were so pretty, we decided to keep them out! Talk about recycling!
27. Esther said the following at 4:37 PM on Sep 11:
I can actually appreciate BDB's comment, as someone who doesn't worry too much about wedding planning.
I'm at the age where it seems like everyone around me is getting married, and I'm constantly subjected to wedding talk. Not that they are necessarily being 'bridezillas', but it does feel like I hear not much else for months before and after ("what would I have done differently") every wedding. I'm delighted that my friends are excited to be getting married, but sometimes the wedding talk gets old.
I think this blog post is a good example of how fixated people (ok, women) get on this topic. Note how many are eager to offer suggestions and stories. Not that it is a bad thing, since there are certainly many who are happy for the advice. It's just that it can become tiring for those who aren't as excited about the topic (of course, the same is true for fantasy football, and lots of other subjects!).