A Tale of Two Mark Sanfords
by Motte Brown on 07/01/2009 at 2:59 PM
In 1995, freshman Congressman Mark Sanford made a name for himself as a fiscal disciplinarian by sleeping in his office to save taxpayer money instead of setting up residence in Washington, D.C. His penny-pinching quirks included reports of having staffers use both sides of index cards and sharing sodas with colleagues.
Then there's Mark Sanford the undisciplined husband who had an affair with Argentine Maria Belen Chapur and sought out other sexual encounters with a "handful" of young women.
Of course the South Carolina Governor presents it differently to the press. He didn't "seek out" sexual encounters; they just sort of happened. According to this Associated Press article, they're referred to as "casual encounters" from trips with his buddies.
He said that during the encounters with other women he "let his guard down" with some physical contact but "didn't cross the sex line." He wouldn't go into detail.
Sanford said the casual encounters happened outside the U.S. while he was married but before he met Chapur, on trips to "blow off steam" with male friends.
The whole "let his guard down" thing is just an attempt to salvage anything left of his dignity, to imply that sexual affairs were never his intentions. It seems, however, he never had his guard up. Take for example the way his "love story" began with Chapur:
He said he saw her two other times, including their first meeting in 2001 at an open-air dance spot in Uruguay.
"There was some kind of connection from the very beginning," he told The Associated Press, though he said neither that meeting nor a 2004 coffee date in New York during the Republican National Convention were romantic.
Hmm. Going to an open-air dance spot and arranging coffee dates aren't exactly what I'd consider hedge-building. The likely truth is that Governor Sanford enjoys being sexually aroused by young women and puts himself in position for such encounters. One such encounter led to an adulterous relationship that may ruin his career.
Mark Sanford the politician is known for his passion to protect taxpayer money. He went to extremes to act it out in his career, often sacrificing his own personal comfort. Mark Sanford the husband should have shown the same passion for protecting his marriage.
1. Tami said the following at 3:18 PM on Jul 1:
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Red flags to be gleaned from this situation:
* "She's just a good friend."
* "We have a connection."
* Random travel without the family.
But what *really* bugs me, is that in his emails to Chapur, he uses Scripture to basically justify his love for her. And he calls Chapur his "soul mate." I wonder how his WIFE feels about that!
2. Brian Ramsey said the following at 3:42 PM on Jul 1:
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Personal responsibility is a practice we all should incorporate as Christians. When I sin, I ought to use language that implies, "I'm the guilty one here!"
When Governor Sanford, or anyone (myself included), uses language such as "let my guard down" he ought to take ownership for putting himself in a situation which requires a guard.
I hope he is doing the hard work with his family right now to move towards restoration. I hope he has a repentant heart. I'm confident that God can and will bring about a positive work through this, even if it's to challenge all of us Christians to be more forthright about our own "dirty little secrets."
3. justice said the following at 5:45 PM on Jul 1:
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Tami,
ive never seen 'soul mate' in the Bible. For all the flak he's getting, let's remember we're all sinners, all have the capability to be led astray in every aspect of life, not just sexually. How much pride and criticism have we seen from Christians in general, not to mention things my FOF and even here on boundless? No one is perfect, and these things didnt happen at once, it started as something small and led to his fall years later. Let's not throw stones to make ourselves feel better.
4. Amir Larijani said the following at 6:50 PM on Jul 1:
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I'm not buying the "I let my guard down" line. It's not like he was giving a speech and Maria acted out a scene from Police Academy.
He actively WENT TO AN OPEN-AIR DANCE SPOT IN URAGUAY!
He TOOK A TRIP TO ARGENTINA TO HAVE SEX WITH HER!
That means he (a) had time to reflect on the situation; (b) he consciously CHOSE to pursue the liaisons; (c) he went to great lengths to attempt to cover them up.
Seriously, if the GOP wants a real contender, they need only look at Sanford's wife: she could be a modern-day Deborah.
5. farmer Tom said the following at 7:18 PM on Jul 1:
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This whole thing just grates on me.
Somehow we have failed to teach those who claim the name of Christ not "to make opportunity for the flesh".
Frankly, I almost never ever go anywhere without my wife, because it is a protection for me from situations where I could be tempted to do something I would later regret. When I do travel or go somewhere without her, it is almost always with some other Believer of like Faith, who has the same moral standards as I do.
"Trips to "blow off steam" with male friends", are such a bad idea that I can't believe anyone in political life or who claims the name of Christ would be stupid enough to try. What does going to a place or event with booze, loose women, and no one watching lead to anyway? Surely not stable marriages and faithful husbands.
We've had this discussion here before, and some of you reacted negatively, but my personal policy, and that of my pastor and several of my other male friends, is this. Never be alone with a woman other than your wife. Never, Never, Never. I don't take the baby sitter home, I don't spend time at church, in an office, or any other place where I am alone with a female, (of any age.) I teach a Sunday School class with a large percentage of girls. Unless there are at least three of them present, we do not have class. My pastor never counsels a female alone. If a female is coming to his office, his wife (or daughter) is present. If the woman requests privicy, the pastors wife sits on the other side of the large glass window in his office.
My point, Mark Sanford was stupid or much more likely, he intentionally put himself in situations where he could take advantage of his position and fame to "make connections" with women other than his wife. He should be ashamed and should treated with scorn. He is of low moral character.
6. Catherine said the following at 7:18 PM on Jul 1:
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this whole story is so sad- especially since i do believe his wife's heart is in the right place. i thought her letter after the affair was discovered was really touching. and what did she do after she found out? she entered them in "marriage bootcamp" and asked him to not see his mistress anymore. that kind of patience takes a really strong woman!
unfortunately, he seems to have a really messed up view of love. chapur is his "soul mate"? what?! wouldn't that be the person that you promised your life to and who gave you 4 children? it was "just a friendship" that become more after years of intimate emails? talk about complete denial. he chose to fall in love with this woman and worse, he seems more apologetic to her than to his own wife.
7. Lydia said the following at 7:27 PM on Jul 1:
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I hesitate to write this... but I read this blog post because the intro sounded so cool, about a guy saving money in creative ways, which I like to try to do. Instead I found something that looked a little more like gossip.
8. Tami said the following at 8:00 PM on Jul 1:
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I acknowledge my crankiness in post 1. This whole thing just depresses me. :(
9. Mark W said the following at 8:38 PM on Jul 1:
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Very, very, very sad.
He was one of the very few politicians that didn't disgust me. Now he's lost all his integrity and looks like a fool.
In addition, his attitude seems very callous. While I initially applauded his openness, as Tami said, I can't believe that he continues to call the Argentinian woman his "soul mate." Especially when he also says that he wants to end things and reconcile with his wife! By the way he continues to refer glowingly to his adulterous relationship you sure wouldn't know it.
I don't think this "may ruin his career." I think as of today's AP interview, his career is effectively over.
Kudos to his wife for continuing to pursue reconciliation though. That is very holy and admirable, especially given his most recent confessions.
It's also a sober warning for the rest of us. There but for the grace of God go I.
10. Louise from Chicago said the following at 8:39 PM on Jul 1:
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Good luck to the entire Sanford family.
The resident of SC must now decide whether or not to keep him as governor after his irresponsible behavior.
Are there any SC residents among the Boundless commentors?
11. Lauren T. said the following at 8:41 PM on Jul 1:
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This whole thing makes me feel terrible, but the worst of it is the sympathetic ear he's expecting - and getting - by using phrases like "there was a connection". That's a big excuse. Of course there was a connection: he's a man and he was attracted to a pretty woman! But that's when marriage vows mean something.
12. Louise from Chicago said the following at 8:36 AM on Jul 2:
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Also, things don't "just happen."
People really do need to take responsbility for their own actions.
13. obewan said the following at 8:46 AM on Jul 2:
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The worst part is his party affiliation. He probably trumps up "family values" during his stumping. It is people like him that cause me to have major issues with certain political parties that say "gays" are "attacking" marriage. It is heterosexual affairs and divorce that are really "attacking" traditional marriage. Any other claims just make us look like foolish hypocrites.
14. Charles said the following at 9:25 AM on Jul 2:
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More than one commenter on the blogosphere seems to get worked up over the "OPEN AIR" dance spot. WOuld you have preferred a dark club? Dance is part of Latin culture; That open air dance was in the open so things _can_ be seen. More likely these commenters are just reflecting the historical bias against dance that's been around in this country since the 1800s. If you go and look at the pietist literature that inspired this attitude, you can see they also had problems with novels and plays. None of this is meant to excuse his behaviour, or dance that is not godly or redeemed. He could have just as well met her the way Amy Grant met her new husband, or bowling.
15. Tami said the following at 9:43 AM on Jul 2:
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Justice - I wasn't connecting "soul mate" to the Bible. Those were Sanford's words. Sanford also used 1 Corinthians 13 to ponder the love he saw in his mistress. And in referring to those "red flags," I am stating that this *can* happen in "normal" (i.e., not high profile) relationships as well.
As I said in post 8, I just find the whole thing depressing and frustrating. And I'm saddened that so many in positions of power who use the name of the Lord use it to justify themselves and evade responsibility. This *can* happen to anyone, but as others have said, we have to be *very* careful when God gives us a position of power or leadership. And *certainly* we should not mishandle Scripture.
The situation is a warning for all of us. As you said -- it started small. So if the situation arises in our own lives, let's work on all our ends to stop it before it gets any bigger...not wait until it harms our families, ourselves, and our witness.
16. Amir Larijani said the following at 10:40 AM on Jul 2:
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It would also be fair to inquire as to what Sanford's church is doing about all of this.
While the Sanfords had a spiritual adviser--a fellow church member--who was counseling them, it is also reasonable to ask why they have not taken steps to remove the clearly-unrepentant Mark Sanford from fellowship.
As I recall, the Scriptures have such a case in 1 Corinthians, and Paul admonishes the Body to "expel the immoral brother."
That command was given in the context of flagrant sexual immorality, which--I hope we're in agreement here--was clearly the case with the governor from South Carolina.
17. diana said the following at 10:50 AM on Jul 2:
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I'm a SC resident and deeply disturbed over the morality choices of our governor. I've watched the ongoing saga and am amazed at the strength of his wife; but I know that behind closed doors, she has to be really shattered. His impressionable young sons also now learn what manhood is from this father they've loved.
I don't believe this man is repentant at all. In his first confession, he stated that he had "harmed her (the mistress)" before reciting a list of others he had hurt, placing his sons and WIFE last in that list. Also, he lied about where he was---if your wife had been so gracious as to give you another chance, would you high-tail it back to Argentina??!!
It's a sad SAD day for all of us...we didn't have him on a pedestal, and we know everyone of us has the capacity to sin. However, he has a long history here of premeditated, calculated sin that is disturbing and uncharacteristic of an active Christ-follower. I wish politicians would stop using their Christianity for self-promotion when it really hasn't obviously changed their core selves.
Don't cry for me, Argentina--indeed.
18. Victoria said the following at 12:30 PM on Jul 2:
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This is definitely very, very sad. It is definitely not wise to put yourself in a situation where you may be tempted. That said, I don't know about the whole "never be alone with a woman who's not your wife" thing. Jesus was very much alone with the woman at the well, after all. (Yes, I know that we are not Jesus.) I think it's awesome if that is something you are called to do as a man, but I don't think it's a biblical mandate for everyone. My husband and I both work in the corporate world and we have both had one-on-one interactions with the opposite sex, and trust and jealousy have never been an issue. If he has to have dinner with a female client, just the two of them, I don't freak out over that, and vice versa. (Hopefully I'm not being cocky and cavalier when I say we trust each other!) Anyway, just my 2 cents.
19. Mike Theemling said the following at 12:32 PM on Jul 2:
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I normally don't comment on politics, but this one is worth jumping into since the governor tries to use Scripture to justify his reluctance to resign, and I want to dispel this flawed reasoning.
He basically seems to say that since King David stayed on the throne after his affair/murder cover up with Bathsheba that he ought to as well. This analogy is highly tenuous.
First of all, Israel (and her government) was in a unique position. Essentially Israel was a theocracy, and the humans kings were simply a result of Israel's wanting to be like other nations. But it was clear that Yahweh Himself was meant to be their King. America does not operate in the same manner.
Second, David had to answer to God Himself for his crimes and for whatever reason, He chose to keep David on the throne when He could've easily taken it away from him (some would say that David "got off easy" but I doubt it. The fact that "the sword never left his house" and his entire family suffered as a result of his misdeeds [including his baby son dying] was probably worse). Governor Sanford does answer to God too, but in a different manner. In my book, there is no implied mandate to remain in such a position. Rather, since his position was part of the problem in the first place, he should wonder how staying will help himself or his family.
Finally, the Bible definitely teaches about forgiveness and redemption. But it also teaches about repentence as a prerequisite to it. Now, I don't know Gov Stanford's heart, but from his words that he's using, he doesn't sound too repentent to me. More like, "I'm sorry I got caught. I was wrong, but I don't want to pay the penalties for my wrongdoing or make a concerted effort to reconcile with my wife and family". I understand that a leadership position in the church and one in government are not exactly the same, but they still share some similarities. Both are instutions established by God and those in a leadership/teacher status do require those to be called to a higher standard.
I do agree that this entire run of events is tragic, and not being naive, does add more fuel to the entire "Christians are just hypocrites" fire. But to those who think this I just ask you to look at Christ Himself and His life. Remember that ultimately, it is He who will judge everyone and will ask you how you responded to His call. And we as Christians ask your forgiveness for not living up to the life that God has called us to. Thus, we all need God's grace.
20. Paige said the following at 12:38 PM on Jul 2:
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I live in SC. Before the affair hit the news, there were already a lot of people here who really didn't like Mark Sanford, I think mainly because he isn't the most tactful person in the world in dealing with other politicians. Then there were some of us, including myself, who really respected him for standing up for his beliefs, and for his fiscal responsibility. He certainly doesn't seem like a typical politician--he tends to be a bottom-line sort of person, like he said.
I was shocked when I heard the news story break. My thoughts about him now are that he is a genuine follower of Christ who had a really, really big lapse of judgement. My opinion of him has dropped some though, since he said he crossed the line with several other women while on overseas trips, and that Ms. Chapur is his "soul mate". Who says that kind of thing to the media? Keep it to yourself!
I just don't know what to make of it all. It's sad when someone can do that to a long-standing marriage and family.
I don't know that I want him to resign, because I'm afraid that having our lt. governor to take his place would be a worse alternative.
21. Texas Craig said the following at 1:00 PM on Jul 2:
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I do not hold the same scorn for Mark Sanford that some commenters on here appear to, nor would I call him names and cast judgments. I don't know how I could if I genuinely believe that I am a wretched man - as Paul said of himself. There is nothing good that lives within me - any redeeming value comes from Christ living within me. Therefore, I would find it very prideful and misplaced to start throwing stones at the sins of others. Rather, my heart breaks for his wife, and I desire for him to come back into repentance.
Don't get me wrong, I agree we should call a spade a spade - and what he did was deliberate sin. But, at the same time, I also believe that everyone has the capacity within themselves to commit the most heinous of sins. It starts in small steps and builds to something big. It is the result of a lack of accountability and a long pattern of poor choices and ongoing sin that likely got worse and worse. His conduct was wrong. But, I genuinely believe the heart of God calls for us not to mock him and scorn him, but rather to be saddened for his sin and the consequences of it - both in his life and the lives of those he has hurt. And, yes, he needs to own up to it.
22. Adam said the following at 2:31 PM on Jul 2:
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If you are going to open air dance spots and coffee shops, you are definitely setting up some good boundaries (not the date, but the place was good). Both are very public locations where pretty much everything you do is in the public eye.
I would also question, "What should we expect a public acknowledgment and apology to look like?" Should Clinton have come clean with graphic details of his relationship with Lewinsky?
Let's say Sanford came forward with a strongly worded statement on how he very intentionally sought out these relationships (if he did). Those are words in a public context that his wife will likely remember for the rest of her life. I would dare to say that Sanford did a pretty reasonable job.
As far as stepping down... what constitutes a "big enough" sin that it requires you to step down from a secular job? If he should step down, what job is he "ok" to work at? Fry cook at Mcdonalds? CEO of a corporation?
Yes, Sanford sinned. But I kind of find it sickening that Christians are ultimately going to justify or condemn him based on a few lines that the mainstream media decides to publish.
As a fellow Christian, I sincerely hope and pray that Sanford has confessed (1 John 1:9) and won't head down that path again. I also hope his marriage survives these bumps.
23. P&P said the following at 8:18 PM on Jul 2:
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Farmer Tom (#5), it's rare for an East Coast Flaming Liberal to agree with you, but you're on the money with a lot of what you say. I think not being in an office with women is a bit extreme, but making sure you're not alone with a woman other than your wife is a good policy. It's like the old minister's joke: "Lead us not into temptation, for we can find it ourselves."
As for "blowing off steam with the guys," my father did it on weekends when he and my mother were first married. He called it the National Guard.
24. Louise from Chicago said the following at 9:09 PM on Jul 2:
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Comment 22, Gov. Sanford did act very irresponsibly when he just "disappeared" without adequately informing his staff re his whereabouts or designating someone to run SC in his absensce.
"Sin" really has nothing to do as to whether or not he keeps his job....had he just been by himself somewhere his actions would still contitute abandoment of his state.
Now I am not a resident of SC but that to me is sufficient grounds for having him removed from the governorship.
Again, I am not an SC resident so I essentially have no say as to whether or not he will remain as SC governor.
As to his marriage and family, I see that has an essentially private matter.
Hopefully Mark Sanford and Jennifer Stanford can salvage their relationship. I know from experience that divorce isn't easy...even without children!
25. Loris said the following at 10:48 PM on Jul 2:
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SC here too. I'm sickened and depressed by Sanford's actions when I used to be very proud of his stance v. the bailout money. His poor family must be so humiliated. His credibility as a leader is shot, and the Republican party looks more hypocritical than ever. Very disappointed. I hope God will restore their marriage, but at the moment, I also hope he shuts up and quits embarrassing his family further in public.
26. Mike said the following at 9:26 AM on Jul 3:
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I believe the e-mails published in SC press between Sanford and his mistress turned out to be fabrications.
And I agree that there was a definite failure on Gov. Sanford's part to build hedges.
On the subject of opposition to "gay" marriage vs. the damage done to marriage by adultery and divorce - I heartily agree. They're all nuclear warheads thrown into the sacrament.
Finally, on the subject of political parties and who gets caught violating "family values" - it's interesting that when a Republican gets caught doing something of this nature, his own party tends to throw him to the wolves, while Democrats tend to rally behind those who violate moral boundaries. That speaks larger, methinks, than the fact that there are sinners in all parties.
27. BDB said the following at 7:23 PM on Jul 4:
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Another red flag to pay attention to is the comment about "blowing of steam with buddies overseas."
When overseas a year ago, I made the mistake of walking down the wrong street in the middle of the night. When we were in a mixed group of men and women, everyone seemed quite pleasant. While waiting for the group, I decided to explore.
A white guy walking alone, I was shocked at what "approached" me. This NEVER happened in mixed groups. But I saw small groups of Western men stop and chat with the "ladies." It was a very unpleasant experience.
It is a mistake to think that it's automatically "safer" for men to only have friendships with other men. It changes the nature of the risks, it does not eliminate them.
Ponder this the next time you see a Hooters commercial.
28. Louise from Chicago said the following at 6:10 PM on Jul 5:
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To the SC residents:
You have my sympathy.
Here in IL we know only too well how embarrassing it is to have "governor problems!"