We're Not Old Yet by Candice Watters on 06/29/2009 at 10:13 AM

Steve and I celebrated our birthdays this weekend -- we were born one day apart -- and though we're a year older and just one away from the BIG one, we noticed again that we still feel young. He still feels 19 (his grandfather felt 17 in his 70s). Me, 28. Whatever "young" age we feel year after year, despite the passage of time, we're not alone. According to USA Today, "Few see themselves as 'old,' no matter what their age."

Columnist Sharon Jayson writes,

No matter what their chronological age, most people say that they aren't yet "old" — and that they feel younger than their birthday count, according to a new nationally representative survey of almost 3,000 adults by the Pew Research Center.

According to the study, the reason for this young at heart, and in mind, feeling is the volume of people growing old (or older).

"We are becoming an older society, as are most advanced societies around the world, and we are about to hit a big new wave of adults entering older age," says Paul Taylor, who directs Pew's Social and Demographic Trends project.

The study notes that about 39 million Americans, or 13% of the U.S. population, are 65 and older — a figure that has tripled from 4% in 1900. In two years, the oldest of the nation's 76 million Baby Boomers will turn 65. And by 2050, according to Pew Research projections, about one in five Americans will be over 65, and about 5% will be ages 85 and older, up from 2% now.

And what is it that ties the newly graying population together?

Frederick Augustyn Jr. of Greenbelt, Md., who heads the Aging and Senior Culture area of the Popular Culture Association, says Baby Boomers fuel such resistance because they grew up as a youth culture and don't want to give in to old age.

The good news for Boomers is that old age isn't as bad as it's made out to be:

Among those age 65 and older, the perceived downsides of aging (such as memory loss, illness, inability to drive or an end to sexual activity) aren't experienced as much as younger people think they'll be.

Still, the survey rings hollow. I think the reason we feel young, no matter how old we get, has everything to do with what happens when aging ceases,

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end" (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

We're Not Old Yet by Candice Watters on 06/29/2009 at 10:13 AM

Steve and I celebrated our birthdays this weekend -- we were born one day apart -- and though we're a year older and just one away from the BIG one, we noticed again that we still feel young. He still feels 19 (his grandfather felt 17 in his 70s). Me, 28. Whatever "young" age we feel year after year, despite the passage of time, we're not alone. According to USA Today, "Few see themselves as 'old,' no matter what their age."

Columnist Sharon Jayson writes,

No matter what their chronological age, most people say that they aren't yet "old" — and that they feel younger than their birthday count, according to a new nationally representative survey of almost 3,000 adults by the Pew Research Center.

According to the study, the reason for this young at heart, and in mind, feeling is the volume of people growing old (or older).

"We are becoming an older society, as are most advanced societies around the world, and we are about to hit a big new wave of adults entering older age," says Paul Taylor, who directs Pew's Social and Demographic Trends project.

The study notes that about 39 million Americans, or 13% of the U.S. population, are 65 and older — a figure that has tripled from 4% in 1900. In two years, the oldest of the nation's 76 million Baby Boomers will turn 65. And by 2050, according to Pew Research projections, about one in five Americans will be over 65, and about 5% will be ages 85 and older, up from 2% now.

And what is it that ties the newly graying population together?

Frederick Augustyn Jr. of Greenbelt, Md., who heads the Aging and Senior Culture area of the Popular Culture Association, says Baby Boomers fuel such resistance because they grew up as a youth culture and don't want to give in to old age.

The good news for Boomers is that old age isn't as bad as it's made out to be:

Among those age 65 and older, the perceived downsides of aging (such as memory loss, illness, inability to drive or an end to sexual activity) aren't experienced as much as younger people think they'll be.

Still, the survey rings hollow. I think the reason we feel young, no matter how old we get, has everything to do with what happens when aging ceases,

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end" (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

Comments

[1. Lucie said the following at 11:03 AM on Jun 29:]

1

Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one...I'm also just a year away from "The BIG One," only in my case it'll contain the number five. But in my head, I basically feel 21....

[2. carl said the following at 11:08 AM on Jun 29:]

2

So what's the 'BIG one'? Most people I've known say 50 is it.

[3. obewan said the following at 11:49 AM on Jun 29:]

3

Feeling old is all relative to how we are treated.

I never felt so old in my entire life as when I turned 30, and they tried to kick us 30 year olds out of the singles group.

I also went through relocation at that age, and was hunting for a new church. When I would call or email and ask if they had a singles ministry, they would ask me back "for what age group?” The ones that focused on age 18-30 made me feel like a pedophile or something worse at age 31 for wanting to be with the younger singles (age 25-30). Some of them made me feel guilty for asking and even treated my quest with distain. One pastor told me in so many words: "If you are not married by age 30, it is time to face the music and join one of the 'adult' ministries, since you are past the eligible age and will likely be single for life."

Now that I am older, and have more access to singles ministry, I actually feel younger than when I was only 30. There is no upper limit in the three large groups that are offered in my current living area.

However, people who marry young do not have age concerns like singles that may face age discrimination in the church.

[4. farmer Tom said the following at 12:22 PM on Jun 29:]

4

and just one away from the BIG one, we noticed again that we still feel young.

You mean you're 49???

Shoot, I've got several years to go, and yes I feel old. I went to a 125th anniversary celebration at the church where I grew up. And I was amazed to realize that I have been alive a little over a third of that time. Started attending the first Sunday after I was born.

Of course there were people there who went to that church in the 1930's and 1940's. My grandparents and my dad (16 at the time) joined sometime in the middle 1950's when the church they had previously attended went liberal and their former preacher denied the authority of Scripture and the virgin birth.

[5. BDB said the following at 12:29 PM on Jun 29:]

5

Given all the facebook comments this weekend about people trying to explain things to their children about Michael Jackson, I feel old.

[6. Sarah P. said the following at 12:51 PM on Jun 29:]

6

I've felt about 30 since I was 16 or so. One of these days I'll catch up, and from then on I'll enjoy feeling youthful. :D

[7. Holly said the following at 12:52 PM on Jun 29:]

7

My husband and I are one day apart as well! What a coinky-dink!

[8. Candice Watters said the following at 2:37 PM on Jun 29:]

8

Oh, dear. I should have clarified *which* BIG one I meant. 40. Just 40. :)

[9. JuliestD said the following at 4:33 PM on Jun 29:]

9

Just wanted to say: that cake pic is cute! :)

[10. brx said the following at 5:37 PM on Jun 29:]

10

Interesting how many cool people were born in June!

Wear the grey with pride! ...or at least be sure to use color-safe shampoo! 'cause faded dye just looks lame.

Grace, peace & adventure!

[11. Blue Sarah said the following at 5:55 AM on Jun 30:]

11

I feel young, I look young and whilst I don't act young for a 27 year old people still treat me as if I'm way younger. Perhaps I'd better check my birth certificate before one third of my age gets mentally lopped off.

[12. Louise from Chicago said the following at 7:30 AM on Jun 30:]

12

Happy Belated Birthday to you both.

I enjoyed turning forty....it certainly isn't anything to fear!

Louise

[13. Christopher from Albuquerque said the following at 10:26 AM on Jun 30:]

13

On the topic of not "feeling old," I am thirty-six years old and have only been a Christian for approximately seven years. Until God saved me, I was, admittedly, not living with a thoughtful, careful, "adult" mindset.

To state it carefully, I wasn't a *complete* flake. I did go to college, earn a degree, and generally have some sort of *idea,* as to a future career path. However, I wasn't nearly as thoughtful, intentional, and strategic about my future as I could have been.

Even *after* I was saved, I didn't immediately change this immature way of thinking and living. Some of that was purely my own foolishness, some of it was due to not-the-best discipleship, early in my Christian walk, and some of it was due to struggles with depression and bad choices that I made within that context (which partially involved the aforementioned foolishness).

However, two things that remained constant in my life during this time (up until the last three or four years, that is) were the sense of always "feeling younger" than most of my peers, and also of not wanting to seem too "old and boring/out of it" to younger people. From a very early age, I was highly interested in music and art (without possessing the technical skills for either!). I now wish that I had spent much less time, years ago, trying to keep up with new musicians and artists (even more "serious" ones), and much more time on the task and responsibility of finding my career niche in life.

I keenly understand the blessings of growing up in a heathy Christian family and having good modeling and discipleship early in one's life as a believer. I "understand" these blessings so well now, largely because I did not have them.

Obviously, I can't change that fact, and I do believe that God was completely sovereign over, and in control of, these realities of my life. However, I was also responsible for foolish decisions made, and wise decisions *not* made, both before I was saved, and for some time after my conversion. I definitely do not worry now, at least to the degree that I once did, about being "hip" and "culturally informed."

At the same time, I do sometimes still struggle with feeling younger than my peers-- but now, it is not a "feeling" that I actually *want* and *enjoy.* Rather, it is (partially) a result of being in a very different place, career-wise, than most people (especially men) in my age group.

My physical disability, and the attendant transportation struggles that go with it, also contribute to this "younger" feeling. When one uses a wheelchair, one is almost always literally "looking up to" other people, and it can tempt one to feel like a child (not in a happy way)... This is not the *reality* though, and at the age of 36, I battle to remember that I am both a child of God and a Christian man, with all of the implications of both of those truths. (Sorry for the autobiographical dissertation! For those who have read to the end, I request your prayers for my career life! Thanks so much!)

[14. Amir Larijani said the following at 6:32 AM on Jul 4:]

14

Candice: 40 seemed easier than 30.

Obewan: I'm engaged to a 28-year-old. But here's the rub: I did not meet her in a traditional "singles ministry". In fact, having seen what goes on in such "ministries", I swore those off a couple years ago.

And if anyone even ATTEMPTS to give me the "pedophile" line, I will not be turning the other cheek...

[15. obewan said the following at 11:36 AM on Jul 5:]

15

#14. Amir Larijani said the following at 6:32 AM on Jul 4

Obewan: I'm engaged to a 28-year-old. But here's the rub: I did not meet her in a traditional "singles ministry". In fact, having seen what goes on in such "ministries", I swore those off a couple years ago.
-------------------------------------
If you are talking about "dating games", those sometimes happen in singles groups. But, I may have misled with my original post by making people think I think singles ministries are there to hook up singles. By far my purpose in attending singles groups is to find fellowship with like minded peers. There is strengh in numbers as the saying goes, and it is good to have healthy peer group fellowship to combat lonliness and worldly temptations.

I am glad to hear you met someone outside of a singles group. That can happen, especially in a smaller church where everybody knows everybody.

Don't worry. I don't have anything bad to say about reasonable age differences in relationships. I may go there myself someday, except that I now draw the line around 34.

[16. Louise from Chicago said the following at 6:08 PM on Jul 5:]

16

Comment 14, why would anyone accuse you of being a pedophile because you are dating/engaged to a twenty-eight year old?

Am I missing something here?

[17. Amir Larijani said the following at 7:53 PM on Jul 5:]

17

Louise asks:

Comment 14, why would anyone accuse you of being a pedophile because you are dating/engaged to a twenty-eight year old?

Am I missing something here?

I was responding to the sentiments that Obewan experienced from ministers when he inquired about singles ministry--when he said, "The ones that focused on age 18-30 made me feel like a pedophile or something worse at age 31 for wanting to be with the younger singles (age 25-30)").

I have seen some of the same responses from ministers

[18. Louise from Chicago said the following at 7:53 AM on Jul 6:]

18

Comment 17, thanks for the clarification.

I thought everyone understood that "pedophile" meant an adult who was interested in childen (maximum age being seventeen, since eighteen is in general the age of consent).

[19. obewan said the following at 8:50 AM on Jul 6:]

19

#18. Louise from Chicago said the following at 7:53 AM on Jul 6

I thought everyone understood that "pedophile" meant an adult who was interested in childen (maximum age being seventeen, since eighteen is in general the age of consent).
-----------------------------------
I think at the end of the day, people do. I was perhaps exaggerating my feelings from past experiences when I said there were people who made me “feel” that way.

When I was 31 and interested in dating some of the 25-year-old women in my church, there were several sets of parents who were VERY CONCERNED about the "older guys" (just past 30) expressing an interest in their well-protected young "girls". They actually went to the elder in charge of the singles group and said they wanted it stopped. They wanted the older "men" put out of the group. Of course, the younger women were fine with it and very much wanted us to stay in the group. It caused some real friction between the parents, that elder, and the people in the group. In the end, our "rebellion" won out and the age cutoff was pushed out to age 35 (by the group members) with reluctant consent of the elder.

Of course, I respected all boundaries set by the parents and never attempted to "date" one of those well "protected" women. And, yes it REALLY DID happen! LOL??

[1. Lucie said the following at 11:03 AM on Jun 29:]

1

Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one...I'm also just a year away from "The BIG One," only in my case it'll contain the number five. But in my head, I basically feel 21....

[2. carl said the following at 11:08 AM on Jun 29:]

2

So what's the 'BIG one'? Most people I've known say 50 is it.

[3. obewan said the following at 11:49 AM on Jun 29:]

3

Feeling old is all relative to how we are treated.

I never felt so old in my entire life as when I turned 30, and they tried to kick us 30 year olds out of the singles group.

I also went through relocation at that age, and was hunting for a new church. When I would call or email and ask if they had a singles ministry, they would ask me back "for what age group?” The ones that focused on age 18-30 made me feel like a pedophile or something worse at age 31 for wanting to be with the younger singles (age 25-30). Some of them made me feel guilty for asking and even treated my quest with distain. One pastor told me in so many words: "If you are not married by age 30, it is time to face the music and join one of the 'adult' ministries, since you are past the eligible age and will likely be single for life."

Now that I am older, and have more access to singles ministry, I actually feel younger than when I was only 30. There is no upper limit in the three large groups that are offered in my current living area.

However, people who marry young do not have age concerns like singles that may face age discrimination in the church.

[4. farmer Tom said the following at 12:22 PM on Jun 29:]

4

and just one away from the BIG one, we noticed again that we still feel young.

You mean you're 49???

Shoot, I've got several years to go, and yes I feel old. I went to a 125th anniversary celebration at the church where I grew up. And I was amazed to realize that I have been alive a little over a third of that time. Started attending the first Sunday after I was born.

Of course there were people there who went to that church in the 1930's and 1940's. My grandparents and my dad (16 at the time) joined sometime in the middle 1950's when the church they had previously attended went liberal and their former preacher denied the authority of Scripture and the virgin birth.

[5. BDB said the following at 12:29 PM on Jun 29:]

5

Given all the facebook comments this weekend about people trying to explain things to their children about Michael Jackson, I feel old.

[6. Sarah P. said the following at 12:51 PM on Jun 29:]

6

I've felt about 30 since I was 16 or so. One of these days I'll catch up, and from then on I'll enjoy feeling youthful. :D

[7. Holly said the following at 12:52 PM on Jun 29:]

7

My husband and I are one day apart as well! What a coinky-dink!

[8. Candice Watters said the following at 2:37 PM on Jun 29:]

8

Oh, dear. I should have clarified *which* BIG one I meant. 40. Just 40. :)

[9. JuliestD said the following at 4:33 PM on Jun 29:]

9

Just wanted to say: that cake pic is cute! :)

[10. brx said the following at 5:37 PM on Jun 29:]

10

Interesting how many cool people were born in June!

Wear the grey with pride! ...or at least be sure to use color-safe shampoo! 'cause faded dye just looks lame.

Grace, peace & adventure!

[11. Blue Sarah said the following at 5:55 AM on Jun 30:]

11

I feel young, I look young and whilst I don't act young for a 27 year old people still treat me as if I'm way younger. Perhaps I'd better check my birth certificate before one third of my age gets mentally lopped off.

[12. Louise from Chicago said the following at 7:30 AM on Jun 30:]

12

Happy Belated Birthday to you both.

I enjoyed turning forty....it certainly isn't anything to fear!

Louise

[13. Christopher from Albuquerque said the following at 10:26 AM on Jun 30:]

13

On the topic of not "feeling old," I am thirty-six years old and have only been a Christian for approximately seven years. Until God saved me, I was, admittedly, not living with a thoughtful, careful, "adult" mindset.

To state it carefully, I wasn't a *complete* flake. I did go to college, earn a degree, and generally have some sort of *idea,* as to a future career path. However, I wasn't nearly as thoughtful, intentional, and strategic about my future as I could have been.

Even *after* I was saved, I didn't immediately change this immature way of thinking and living. Some of that was purely my own foolishness, some of it was due to not-the-best discipleship, early in my Christian walk, and some of it was due to struggles with depression and bad choices that I made within that context (which partially involved the aforementioned foolishness).

However, two things that remained constant in my life during this time (up until the last three or four years, that is) were the sense of always "feeling younger" than most of my peers, and also of not wanting to seem too "old and boring/out of it" to younger people. From a very early age, I was highly interested in music and art (without possessing the technical skills for either!). I now wish that I had spent much less time, years ago, trying to keep up with new musicians and artists (even more "serious" ones), and much more time on the task and responsibility of finding my career niche in life.

I keenly understand the blessings of growing up in a heathy Christian family and having good modeling and discipleship early in one's life as a believer. I "understand" these blessings so well now, largely because I did not have them.

Obviously, I can't change that fact, and I do believe that God was completely sovereign over, and in control of, these realities of my life. However, I was also responsible for foolish decisions made, and wise decisions *not* made, both before I was saved, and for some time after my conversion. I definitely do not worry now, at least to the degree that I once did, about being "hip" and "culturally informed."

At the same time, I do sometimes still struggle with feeling younger than my peers-- but now, it is not a "feeling" that I actually *want* and *enjoy.* Rather, it is (partially) a result of being in a very different place, career-wise, than most people (especially men) in my age group.

My physical disability, and the attendant transportation struggles that go with it, also contribute to this "younger" feeling. When one uses a wheelchair, one is almost always literally "looking up to" other people, and it can tempt one to feel like a child (not in a happy way)... This is not the *reality* though, and at the age of 36, I battle to remember that I am both a child of God and a Christian man, with all of the implications of both of those truths. (Sorry for the autobiographical dissertation! For those who have read to the end, I request your prayers for my career life! Thanks so much!)

[14. Amir Larijani said the following at 6:32 AM on Jul 4:]

14

Candice: 40 seemed easier than 30.

Obewan: I'm engaged to a 28-year-old. But here's the rub: I did not meet her in a traditional "singles ministry". In fact, having seen what goes on in such "ministries", I swore those off a couple years ago.

And if anyone even ATTEMPTS to give me the "pedophile" line, I will not be turning the other cheek...

[15. obewan said the following at 11:36 AM on Jul 5:]

15

#14. Amir Larijani said the following at 6:32 AM on Jul 4

Obewan: I'm engaged to a 28-year-old. But here's the rub: I did not meet her in a traditional "singles ministry". In fact, having seen what goes on in such "ministries", I swore those off a couple years ago.
-------------------------------------
If you are talking about "dating games", those sometimes happen in singles groups. But, I may have misled with my original post by making people think I think singles ministries are there to hook up singles. By far my purpose in attending singles groups is to find fellowship with like minded peers. There is strengh in numbers as the saying goes, and it is good to have healthy peer group fellowship to combat lonliness and worldly temptations.

I am glad to hear you met someone outside of a singles group. That can happen, especially in a smaller church where everybody knows everybody.

Don't worry. I don't have anything bad to say about reasonable age differences in relationships. I may go there myself someday, except that I now draw the line around 34.

[16. Louise from Chicago said the following at 6:08 PM on Jul 5:]

16

Comment 14, why would anyone accuse you of being a pedophile because you are dating/engaged to a twenty-eight year old?

Am I missing something here?

[17. Amir Larijani said the following at 7:53 PM on Jul 5:]

17

Louise asks:

Comment 14, why would anyone accuse you of being a pedophile because you are dating/engaged to a twenty-eight year old?

Am I missing something here?

I was responding to the sentiments that Obewan experienced from ministers when he inquired about singles ministry--when he said, "The ones that focused on age 18-30 made me feel like a pedophile or something worse at age 31 for wanting to be with the younger singles (age 25-30)").

I have seen some of the same responses from ministers

[18. Louise from Chicago said the following at 7:53 AM on Jul 6:]

18

Comment 17, thanks for the clarification.

I thought everyone understood that "pedophile" meant an adult who was interested in childen (maximum age being seventeen, since eighteen is in general the age of consent).

[19. obewan said the following at 8:50 AM on Jul 6:]

19

#18. Louise from Chicago said the following at 7:53 AM on Jul 6

I thought everyone understood that "pedophile" meant an adult who was interested in childen (maximum age being seventeen, since eighteen is in general the age of consent).
-----------------------------------
I think at the end of the day, people do. I was perhaps exaggerating my feelings from past experiences when I said there were people who made me “feel” that way.

When I was 31 and interested in dating some of the 25-year-old women in my church, there were several sets of parents who were VERY CONCERNED about the "older guys" (just past 30) expressing an interest in their well-protected young "girls". They actually went to the elder in charge of the singles group and said they wanted it stopped. They wanted the older "men" put out of the group. Of course, the younger women were fine with it and very much wanted us to stay in the group. It caused some real friction between the parents, that elder, and the people in the group. In the end, our "rebellion" won out and the age cutoff was pushed out to age 35 (by the group members) with reluctant consent of the elder.

Of course, I respected all boundaries set by the parents and never attempted to "date" one of those well "protected" women. And, yes it REALLY DID happen! LOL??