Not-Single Insight No. 3: You Reap What You Sow
by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin on 06/09/2009 at 3:08 PM
As a (mostly) dateless single for nearly a decade, making choices in my personal life that would benefit a future relationship wasn't always on my mind. For example, I should be a way better cook by now. But the busyness of single life and a lack of desire to cook fine cuisine for one has left me woefully handicapped in the kitchen. It's OK, it's not too late to learn, I hear.
However, I did focus on some things that would benefit a future relationship. In "Single While Active," I wrote: "I can wait on the Lord and trust His perfect plan for my life, while taking steps to prepare myself to be a good wife and mother." Those steps included cultivating a proper attitude toward men, praying for a husband, living a full life, finding a marriage mentor and trusting God.
I can honestly say that those five focuses really benefited me as I began this season of dating. Living a full life allowed me to interact with Kevin through children's ministry, improv comedy and a young adult Bible study. Disciplining myself to have a loving and gracious attitude toward men made me stand out as an encourager. Praying, trusting and inviting wise counsel, encouraged me in my singleness and kept me from giving up on God and what He was doing in my life.
To those of you non-dating singles, I say this: What you do now will affect your future relationships. One area in which this became apparent both through my experiences and those of friends is the area of purity. When I was not in a relationship, I sometimes let the purity of my entertainment choices, thoughts and attitudes slide. It didn't seem as important when I didn't have the temptation of a live person in my everyday life. In "Leaving the Edge," I wrote:
Putting our sexuality under Christ's lordship is a lifelong discipline, whether single or married. I know that I have struggled with purity issues just as much outside of relationships as in them; the impurity just manifests itself in different ways. As my friend says: "Being in a relationship just brings to the surface sin and impurity that was already lurking beneath the surface."
Loose sexual boundaries in a dating or even engagement relationship will carry over into to marriage. Adultery, pornography, abuse and all types of sexual dysfunction plague Christian marriages and families. And these are simply behaviors that overflow from a heart where sexuality has not been brought under Christ's control. A heart where gratification trumps God's way. Sex is about giving sacrificially to another person within a covenant relationship, not taking whatever you can get away with.
I understand now how the disciplines I have developed (and not developed) affect my current relationship. Cultivating holiness is a lifelong pursuit for the believer, regardless of marital state. Seeds of righteousness planted in your single years will bear fruit in your future relationships and marriage. Likewise, weeds of sin left untended will certainly harm them. Singles (and not-singles) should heed the words of Galatians 6:7: "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows."
It is prudent for believers to sow good seeds at every stage. Reaping a good harvest is sweet.
1. Tami said the following at 3:21 PM on Jun 9:
The principle of "sowing and reaping" is important in EVERYTHING :)
Sow to reading your Bible regularly... reap knowledge and wisdom
Sow to healthy fellowship and relationships... reap strong bonds and intimacy
Sow to regular and constant prayer... reap a closer relationship with God (and seeing answered prayer!)
Sow to giving and generosity... reap seeing God bless you and your ministries with good things as He sees fit
Sow to living honestly and by the power of the Spirit... reap integrity
We don't know the *outcome* of what we do, but we do know that if we keep up godly habits, we will grow, and through our diligence, God will produce things that (somehow!) last eternally. As Dallas Willard says -- grace is opposed to earning, not effort.
Basically saying, I agree. :)
2. Rachael said the following at 4:02 PM on Jun 9:
And it's great that God is the one who grows! Sowing and growing reminds me of song my sister and I worked on years ago...I mainly remember this part: "Even if plant seeds, even if I water..." or something. I think it went something like "You are the one who feeds"...
Anyway, the point being that God is the grower.
1 Cor. 3:7- "So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow."
And we may never see the effect of some seeds. I recommend the article "Helicopter Seeds", which you can read on Boundless. I loved it when I read it, and the concept has stayed with me.
3. Courtney P. said the following at 5:58 PM on Jun 9:
Congrats on embarking on a special time in your life, as an unmarried ,never dated 21 year old it’s nice to hear that the preparation in the time of singleness is not in vain lol
4. Sarah P. said the following at 8:06 PM on Jun 9:
What a depressing article! It may be truthful for the way we feel sometimes to leave it at Halitzka's conclusion, but I don't think it's truthful for the way things are. Because for us, no matter what, things don't end with death. If so, if there were no resurrection, we "would be of all men the most miserable."
Ecclesiastes used to be my favorite book of the Bible, but no longer! Give me Hebrews, or possible I Corinthians. Joy, peace, and grace!
5. brx said the following at 8:33 PM on Jun 9:
Good illustration with cooking:
It's a fun teamwork activity, and the other evening, we made haystack brownies from scratch. I like vanilla and put in some extra while she wasn't looking. After cooking and cooling while watching Hellboy (a great message film!) we tasted the result of our work. ...I concluded that I kind of ruined them a bit with too much vanilla.
A man reaps what he sows... :-|
...obey directions next time
6. Ted Slater said the following at 8:43 PM on Jun 9:
Sarah P. -- I keep coming across your name as I prepare to begin homeschooling our oldest daughter. It was great meeting you at NEXT! :-)
7. Ted Slater said the following at 8:45 PM on Jun 9:
brx (#5) -- I rented both Hellboy movies, and watched them in the basement when my wife wasn't home. Some, um, disturbing stuff ... but I agree that they were powerful. Loved them! Have you seen anything else by Guillermo del Toro?
8. Jenny said the following at 10:06 PM on Jun 9:
Thank you for this very good reminder, Suzanne. It's certainly not the first time I've heard it, but it's so easy to forget in day to day living. It's always good to have living a life of integrity and intentionality brought back to the forefront of my mind. God bless!
9. Rachael said the following at 11:34 PM on Jun 9:
If it's safe to say 'a lot of men like meat', is it safe to say 'a lot of men like adding a lot of spices, or things that spice things up'? My husband seems to have an eye, or heart, for spice (thinking of brx's vanilla episode) or extra things on things. Like he even adds nuts to his cereal. For example...
***
On a more serious note. Helicopter seeds again.
Helicopter seeds don't always grow to anything. But they still fall...and, to Halitzka it's beautiful.
The seeds we plant may or may not fall on fertile soil, but, we still plant...
It's not up to us to, ultimately, grow the seeds. Might we have a role? Yes. But God is the grower.
Do we need to always see tangible results? No.
Halitzka writes: "Perhaps it's ultimately not about the lone teenager in the room who might change or the shards of meaning I'm trying to find in life. Perhaps what I do is an offering to the God who made every moment and places me inside the ones He chooses."
---"an offering". "the God who made every moment." Yes. It's not JUST the exciting 'maybe a seed was planted' moment. Those are fun. But even when those exciting moments lack, God is at work. Even when the seeds seem fruitless, God is at work. His word doesn't return void.
...You know, it would be kinda neat if I had all my comments bundled together to function as sort of a journal. :) I see that I wrote the following, in part of my response, about a year and a half ago, to the post about Helicopter Seeds:
"Recently I've been reflecting upon what 'service' is. "Ministry" can be so exciting, and even at work this quarter I've been especially amazed by times when it seems God is working through conversations with co-workers and students...while I get so excited thinking about these things, I have to remember that just because God was brought into a conversation doesn't mean it was a seed planted in their hearts to bring them closer to faith in Christ. BUT who knows...it just might! And perhaps the reason for those exciting moments might just be for us to be excited at the thought that God might be working! Maybe that in itself is glorifying to God, even if in the end the 'fruit' we might hope for is absent?"
Back to 2009...I've not been having may 'wow' moments in conversations or interactions recently. Is that good? Maybe not. But even when they come in the future...I hope the 'wow'ness of it all will make me think something like, "Thank you God!" or "God, work in them please!" I hope that looking to God's work, or potential work, will be my automatic response to those moments.
I like what Halitzka wrote: "I even dare to imagine that maybe the seeds fall so I, and the God who made them, can be lost in childlike wonder again."
You know, that may be the purpose sometimes....maybe a small slightly seeming positive-toward-God or some similar reaction in someone won't be a part of a journey to salvation...but maybe it'll cause us to think 'wow!'...And hopefully that 'wow' response will bring glory to God. Maybe at times that response IS the purpose...interesting...
10. Sarah P. said the following at 12:51 PM on Jun 10:
@ Ted (#6): It was great meeting you and Ashleigh too! I really appreciated how friendly y'all were. I felt awkward doing the fan-girl "you all are awesome!" thing.
@ Rachael (#9): I like what Halitzka wrote: "I even dare to imagine that maybe the seeds fall so I, and the God who made them, can be lost in childlike wonder again."
Good point. Perhaps it is enough for us to see God at work, even if the ones we are talking to cannot see Him. But I don't think we should ever allow ourselves to give in to the doubt that the seeds "go forth void." We should always be fighting that doubt with the sword of truth.
11. Kari said the following at 4:53 PM on Jun 10:
AMEN! I have only been dating my boyfriend for 4 months but right away I began to see things I have sown, and things I wish I would have sown and/or been more faithful in tending to!
12. brx said the following at 5:01 PM on Jun 10:
Re: Ted Slater [#7];
Looking at Guillermo del Toro's filmography list, I don't think I have seen any others - I recall Cronos and Mimic appeared to be too 'slasher' for my taste. I did see Blade and kind of liked it, but never got around to seeing Blade II. Pan's Labyrinth had appeared too weird & creepy. I haven't got around to seeing Hellboy II but don't expect it to be as good without Professor Bloom. The other films I never heard of but I'm looking forward to his upcoming The Hobbit series!
The awesome gal I'm getting to know better wasn't into watching Hellboy until I showed her the Gerald McBoing-Boing cartoons recommended by Hellboy (because he also felt like an outcast kid). After watching it, she liked the underlying theme of 'what makes a man' and she had not expected the film to be funny.
I'm looking forward to the Boundless movie reviews being simpler and more holistic... because for example, the Plugged-In reviews can take a really well-done film that's loaded with positive themes and relatively free of sex and profanity, and nit-pick it apart in such a way as to make one feel guilty for wanting to see it. There seems to be an underlying tone of 'this makes it bad and wrong' rather than 'you might consider whether this content affects you or your family.'
Grace, peace & adventure