May-December Romance: What's the Big Deal?
by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin on 06/18/2009 at 4:45 PM
I have a big announcement. But you'll have to listen to this week's Boundless Show to find out what it is.
I will tell you that you will hear me discuss my relationship with Kevin and our age difference (I am older). At first, it was a deal breaker for both of us. But once we came around (in God's timing and through His obvious orchestration), we discovered some of the unique—and sometimes delightful—aspects of a May-December relationship.
On the podcast, Ted and his wife Ashleigh also discuss their age difference. In their case, Ted is the elder of the two. How does the more-than-a-decade difference play out in their marriage? On many counts, they say, it doesn't matter.
I walked away from our discussion with this: In the search for a godly mate, keep an open mind. Don't focus on incidentals, such as age, social status or career success. Instead, concentrate on the person. Is he or she godly? Are the two of you compatible? Do you see evidence that God is confirming the relationship?
Enjoy the discussion (and the announcement)! Then share your thoughts here.
1. Rebekah in SoCal said the following at 4:02 PM on Jun 18:
Woohoo Suzanne! So excited for you both!
I've really appreciated your thoughts from your "newly not-single" perpsective and encouragement to be open to life being different than I expect (and being blessed by God making it different than I thought).
Rebekah
2. Cassandra said the following at 4:50 PM on Jun 18:
May-December romance? Are you sure it wasn't a March-June romance? ;)
Congratulations.
3. Janelle said the following at 5:15 PM on Jun 18:
Best wishes to Suzanne and Kevin!
4. Maria said the following at 5:57 PM on Jun 18:
Congratulations Suzanne on your engagement!!
That segment of the show was very interesting and led me to wonder - who pursued whom?
The reason I ask is that I was recently asked out and went out on a couple of group dates with an older guy. I am 34 he is 44, we are also in a few ministries together and really click. I like this guy in a way I have never liked anyone before. I sense he is also interested but somewhat shy and socially awkward. Is it ever appropriate for a Christian woman to be more assertive if she is interested in a guy or do I just sit, wait and pray. In the past 7 weeks he has asked me out twice do I just wait for him to ask again? As someone who is also shy and social awkward trying to be more assertive feels uncomfortable but at the same time for the first time ever I feel like I should
Do I follow up on previous conversations via email so he knows I am interested? What's a girl to do? What did you do?
I am not too worried about the age difference and what might be wrong with him as Ted commented, as I could point to any number of things "wrong" with me (my need for control, order, schedules, rules etc) that probably would not have shown up had I married when in my early 20's :-)
5. Rachel said the following at 6:22 PM on Jun 18:
Congratulations on the announcement!
Thanks so much for openly discussing the age difference between you and Kevin. I have dated several men older than I am on several occasions, and rarely had issue with it, but now find the situation reversed. How do I feel about being approached by someone 6 years younger than me? I have a hard time wrapping my brain around it, but your advice is spot on; an open mind with an eye for God's confirmation. Thanks.
6. Leah said the following at 6:45 PM on Jun 18:
You guys started dating/courting in March, yeah? What's the "May-December" title about?
I'm always in two minds when I hear about such short courtships. The fact you've known each other for a year helps.
I also started dating my now-husband when I was 17, and there's just no way that it's a good idea for a 17 year old to get married after dating the guy for 4 months, so it was not even remotely in my experience. We'd been dating for 2.5 years when we got engaged, and we got married a month after the 3 year mark.
Then I look at one of my best friends (for whom I'm going to be maid of honour in October). She met her fiance last March/April. They started dating late August and got engaged just this past February (6 months).
Her cousin's story is mind-blowing: they met at a mutual friend's wedding. A week later he asked her out, and a week after that he asked her to marry him. Backstory: it turned out that he'd been best friends with her brother when they were in highschool, and so he already knew her older brothers and father, even though she never recalled meeting him. So brothers & dad knew him and knew he was a decent guy and dad gave permission. But she had only known him for a matter of weeks. They had a ten month engagement however (also owing to the fact he was in the Navy).
But while I'm definitely never going to say "don't do it!" or anything (it's a personal decision, there's no mandate anywhere about it, and if the father is satisfied with this potential son-in-law then that's good), I do tend to just sit and think, how can you possibly know anyone well enough after that amount of time to know you want to spend your entire life with them?
Don't get me wrong, I totally understand love and marriage contains hard work and that you will not always feel like you "love" them but you just have to stick it out anyway (no matter how long you dated for); but surely you'd be more likely to know if they're worth sticking it out for if you'd spent a year or so getting to know them rather than 4 months?
These are just rhetorical questions and in no way am I asking you to explain yourself. Like I said, it's a personal decision and there's no mandate anywhere about it. But those are just the questions and thoughts that go through my head when I hear stories like this. Congratulations, though :)
7. Leah said the following at 7:26 PM on Jun 18:
OH! I only just discovered that "May-December Romance" refers to older men/younger women ;)
8. Kathryn said the following at 8:08 PM on Jun 18:
Yay! Congrats!
9. Amelia said the following at 8:36 PM on Jun 18:
One hardly needs to listen to the podcast to figure out what the announcement is. Visual cue in that video, anyone? Also, Ted spells it out in the e-newsletter.
I bet that by the time this comment gets published, there'll already be half a dozen comments saying the exact same thing.
10. Kelly said the following at 10:54 PM on Jun 18:
Congratulations!
Also... I was under the impression the age gap was a lot bigger than 6 years. 6 years is nothing! ;)
11. Andrea said the following at 11:19 PM on Jun 18:
Just listened to the podcast. I really enjoyed that you brought your Fresh Prince reference into it, just like you had written to me in your age post.
Congratulations on the big news!
May God continue to use the story of your relationship for His glory.
12. Freddie said the following at 1:53 AM on Jun 19:
Congratulations!
I hope I can say this without taking away any of Suzanne's joy: the number of regular Boundless contributors that are still single is shrinking... For me, it's becoming a kind of problem. Sure, it's interesting to get advice from married people and hear the joy of a recent engagement. But can they really share my struggles as a single?
13. Scottie in WI said the following at 6:23 AM on Jun 19:
Congrats to the soon-to-be not Ms. Hadley! We're all very happy for you!
I think this is a great discussion. For me, however, I think age is certainly important. As I am getting into my late 20s and feel the call to marriage and fatherhood, I am looking for someone that is not beyond child bearing age. However, my most fulfilling friendships and relationships have been with people that are well older than me. This leaves me in a challenging spot of having to find a wife 'above rubies' (Proverbs 31:10) and also of child bearing age. Are they out there? If you see any, let me know.
Thank you very much for all you do!
Scottie
14. Mike said the following at 7:49 AM on Jun 19:
Congratulations, guys. God's blessings.
15. Jo said the following at 8:27 AM on Jun 19:
Maria, #4:
"I sense he is also interested but somewhat shy and socially awkward. Is it ever appropriate for a Christian woman to be more assertive if she is interested in a guy or do I just sit, wait and pray. In the past 7 weeks he has asked me out twice do I just wait for him to ask again?"
YES YES YES, it's appropriate. If this shy, socially awkward guy has plucked up the courage to ask you out twice, it sounds to me like he's interested. In my opinion it is TOTALLY appropriate, and probably necessary, to give him a bit of encouragement. Email him, be friendly, be open. After all, he's taken a risk and begun pursuing you, so you're really only responding to what he's already initiated - and if you don't let him know that he's in with a chance, he might lose his nerve.
16. Louise from Chicago said the following at 9:07 AM on Jun 19:
Ms. Hadley, may I ask exactly how many years is the age difference for you and your partner?
17. Elisabeth said the following at 10:48 AM on Jun 19:
#6
I met and married my husband in less than a year. We met in July and were married by June of the next year. Once you find out that you get along and agree on the big things (church, finances, whether you want children or not, etc.) everything else is something you learn on your life-long adventure of marriage!
That being said my sister is getting married next month after over a year's engagement and knowing her finacee even longer...they weren't ready to get married because he didn't have a job so they waited. I think the waiting is a lot harder and requires a lot more discipline then getting married as soon as you know!
#4
Go ahead and encourage him! My now husband was shy and while I never asked him out I gave him lots of encouragement once he actually put himself out and asked me out once. It helps them to know that you are interested and it takes a lot to work up the guts to ask a girl out!
18. Lisa said the following at 1:45 PM on Jun 19:
I agree with Freddie - everyone on Boundless seems to be getting married. Great for them, but hard for us still single people who want them to be able to relate.
That said, congratulations Suzanne!
19. Blair said the following at 1:58 PM on Jun 19:
Suzanne, Congrats, GOD IS AWSOME!! I have always enjoyed your articles and your openness with your struggles as a single. I pray God blesses your marriage and future children.
20. loreferguson said the following at 2:39 PM on Jun 19:
Congrats! So super exciting!
21. Michela said the following at 3:05 PM on Jun 19:
#18
Just because they are getting married doesn't mean they won't be able to relate. It's not like getting married automatically erases your memory or something. Isn't that the point of everything here- to encourage people towards marriage? Be encouraged that it can happen for you too!
Congrats Suzanne!
22. Heather S.F. said the following at 3:21 PM on Jun 19:
#12 and #18:
I was thinking exactly the opposite!
1. It is great evidence that they practice what they preach.
2. Just because they are married doesn't mean that they don't have a wealth of wisdom and empathy from their many years as singles (as in the case of Elisabeth Elliot, who, if I am remembering correctly, was single for many more years than she was married at the time she wrote P & P) !
23. Christine said the following at 3:32 PM on Jun 19:
I thought that a "May/December" romance implied that one person was MUCH older than the other (an age difference of upwards of 10-20 years).
Personally, I'm dating someone who is 7.5 years older than me, but I wouldn't call it a May/December romance. We're less than a decade apart even though we do remember the 1980's very differently. =) However, other than when we talk about childhood, etc., the difference really doesn't seem to matter.
All that to say - congrats Suzanne and Kevin!
24. Joel said the following at 4:03 PM on Jun 19:
@ 12 & 18: I agree with 22. You wouldn't want it to be the other way round, with a bunch of single folks giving advice on how to get married. People who are married have an understanding of both being single AND being married, which puts them in a better position to advise singles on the things that actually matter, and those that don't, in marriage. Congratulations Suzanne!!
Also, unless P & P is something else, it was written by Jane Austen. Just saying.
25. Ashley Harris said the following at 4:06 PM on Jun 19:
Where's BDB?
I think he'd better jump on comment 24 ;)
26. L. in Canada said the following at 4:28 PM on Jun 19:
Congrats Suzanne & Kevin! Most exciting news & one of the best podcasts ever!
Loved the age discussion. I've never personaly had to deal with it but I enjoyed the discussion anyhow.
Can you have a roundtable about height though? Are any of the female contributors taller than their spouse? I'm a six foot tall female & never (I'm not exagerating here)never get asked out/hit on/etc. due to my freekishly tall stature. Lisa mentioned single, independent, professional females can be intimidating well, add taller than average height to that list & I'm really, really intimidating!
For those comentators that like long dating/engagement periods: My sister & her now-husband got married exactly a year after their first date and they're doing great! So I don't think there's any need to date for years & years...
27. BDB said the following at 5:02 PM on Jun 19:
Congratulations Suzanne!
28. BDB said the following at 5:45 PM on Jun 19:
Joel (#24) wrote:
>>Also, unless P & P is something else, it was written by Jane Austen. Just saying. <<
The reference is to Elisabeth Elliot's book, Passion & Purity which recounts the five-year journey towards marrying her first husband, who was martyred in the mission field.
29. Talia said the following at 6:53 PM on Jun 19:
On May-December relationships my opinion is that ever lovely excuse (grin) of, "it depends on the person."
For me particularly, I have no qualms with this type relationship. Particularly, as the last relationship I was in the man was 20 years older than I. I've always been attracted to older men for a variety of reasons. I'm also what some consider an "old soul" (a term I don't have that much fondness for), but it really does fit me.
And congratulations Suzanne.
30. Celebrindal said the following at 7:05 PM on Jun 19:
Joel (#24),
P & P is Passion and Purity, not Pride and Prejudice.
31. Michelle said the following at 12:12 AM on Jun 20:
Hi...this one is for Scottie!....I love that you want a partner who possesses some wisdom yet still is in the childbearing range.... Just keep in mind, most women are able to bear children up to age 40-45 or even later for some....Of course, some of the risks for pregnancy and birth go up. But I think if you're in your later 20's you are well situated to consider women ages 24-32 pretty realistically if you're looking for the 'best of both worlds'. Of course that's totally up to you, and blessings to you as you seek a mate!! I just wanted to affirm you....
32. Freddie said the following at 2:45 AM on Jun 20:
#21, 22, & 24
I didn't mean to say that married people have forgotten completely what it's like to be single. And it would certainly be stupid to get too much advice regarding marriage from someone who's still single.
But having experienced something (possibly) a long time ago is quite different from living with it right here, right now. Wisdom from married people is certainly very useful, but encouragement from other singles is necessary too, in my opinion.
33. Leah said the following at 4:03 AM on Jun 20:
Freddie (12) - why would the fact Suzanne's getting married make her suddenly forget what it was like to be single?
Besides, as many have rightly pointed out, would you rather these people, who give us advice on getting married, stayed single for ten years? It wouldn't be a very good witness for their advice, would it?
Elisabeth (17) - there are many guys who I get along well with and agree with on the "big" things (church, family, etc). But if that's all there is to it, you may as well turn it into a job interview. "You believe in TULIP and child baptism? Tick. You want between 2 and 5 kids? Tick. You want your wife to stay home with the kids? Tick. Sweet. Well, we know we get along well, why don't we get married?"
Yeah, people can - and do - do that. That's pretty much what my friend (the 'cousin' in my first comment on this thread) did. (I'm not suggesting that's what Suzanne did, haha.)
But I'd rather know that I care about this guy enough to put up with his annoying habits. That I love him.
Yes, I know all the stock-standard responses: you learn to love him. You come to care for him. You work at ignoring his annoying habits.
But the thing is, you have to do that anyway. But I look at some of the other guys who I was friends with (and who I 'liked' and were good potential husbands) and think "I'm glad I didn't end up marrying him. He's a bit too mature/serious for me." or "He's too immature and argumentative" etc. Sure, if I HAD ended up marrying those guys, I would have still ended up loving them and would have cared for them etc, but I see things in them now that I didn't see in the first 6 months to a year that I knew them. I saw things in my now-husband after 2 years that I didn't see in the first 6 months to a year. And some of those things, I'm glad I saw before we got married.
Anyway I can see me talking myself into a knot here, but I'm sure you see what I'm getting at. I'm not suggesting one way is more right or wrong, because ultimately, those things you pointed out are the most important bits (after knowing they're a Christian!) I just think the additional things I discussed in this comment are helpful. And often worth the extra 6 months.
Not to mention, those extra months can prove he walks the walk and doesn't just talk the talk.
34. Farmer Pete said the following at 7:10 AM on Jun 20:
One couple that I used to know celebrated - in the same year - his 90th birthday, her 60th, and their 40th wedding anniversary.....Yes, she's been a widow for quite some time now, but I've never heard her regret her choice.
As a mid-forties never-married, this heartens me. A significant age-gap *may* present difficulties, but so do many other aspects of marriage. It's something to be thoughtfully considered, but not an absolute prohibition.
Peter
35. Megan said the following at 9:44 AM on Jun 20:
I agree with Freddie. While I really appreciate and have learned much from the advice from those that are married (or engaged) on the staff, I feel what is happening in churches is reaching Boundless: it's becoming an "us and them" thing. I know that I am personally looking to marry someday, but am not there yet,and neither are many others; some aren't desiring it at all. Where are the discussions on issues related specifically to us? For example: handling single finances, ministry opportunities, balancing work/church/social lives, dealing with societal pressures and stereotypes. Some of these have been addressed in passing, but always as a sub-issue, with the "it will be different when you get married, so this is a temporary solution" attitude. It seems as if Boundless discussions are turning more and more into a "how to get married" service.
Please don't get me wrong, I love Boundless and look forward to the weekly shows and articles! I've just been feeling lately like it's betting out of balance.
As for the May-December romance topic: Congratuluations Suzanne and Kevin!
My parents are 13 years apart, and so my mind has always been set on dating an older man. It wasn't until a man older than my mother seriously hit on me that I started rethinking the idea. I'm still open to older men, but with more caution. I'm also working on opening my mind to dating a younger man (something I was previously TOTALLY against). As far as any issues related to the age difference in my parents, I have seen my mom struggle, but the problems she has have more to do with Dad's personality than his actual age. That's a risk with anyone! :)
36. Mary said the following at 12:57 PM on Jun 20:
SUZANNE
I am so happy for you!!! When I found out you were engaged it just made my day!! So many of us think you are wonderful. I wanted you to meet someone amazing and you have.
Hope you have a beautiful wedding!!
Mary
37. Trevor Dolby said the following at 4:42 PM on Jun 20:
Joel (24): I think St. Paul was single, and yet gave advice to married people. Half the stuff about submission and all that comes from him, and yet as far as we know he didn't marry at all.
In some ways, I suspect it's easier for single people to give advice, simply because they don't have to practice what they preach!
38. Jo said the following at 1:48 AM on Jun 21:
I appreciate the point that Freddie and others are making, and I know that I've really loved Suzanne's articles partly because of their single perspective - but I'm not sure what Boundless are expected to do about that. Should the writers have to sign an agreement that they won't get married? Or should they be re-deployed to a different blog the moment they get engaged? Seriously, they have their lives too, it's not all about us. And I for one am looking forward to seeing Suzanne's journey from singleness into marriage. I think that will be a really interesting and valuable journey to read about.
That said, I do agree in part with what Megan said. When talking to singles about marriage I think there's a fine line between encouraging and discouraging. I agree that it would be good to adjust the focus a little, because that isn't where we're at, and while it is what most of us are hoping for, we also have to live in the present. I do think that in the absence of more single writers, the married ones might need to fill that gap with wisdom from their past experience as singles as well as their current experience. We sometimes hear for example about Ted's single experience in passing - but couldn't he talk more about what he learned during those years, how God used him, how he looked at marriage... you get my drift? I think the overall balance of topics, from my perspective as a single, is focused too much on looking towards my future, and not enough on appreciating where I am and letting God use me in the here and now.
39. Keith said the following at 3:20 AM on Jun 21:
I think that all of us form ideals of what our lifetime partner will be like - and when God gives us someone who is partly outside of those ideals - we may feel surprised, shocked, sad, or even angry at God. I, myself, always thought I would marry someone a couple years younger than me, but my match is 4 years older than me (another "May - December" relationship). To be honest, it has been something I have struggled with, and I have felt dissappointed and even cheated at times.
I think God gives us ideals to point us in the right direction, but we need to have an open mind that allows us to see what God is doing so we don't miss the opportunities He has for us.
I like Isaiah 55:8-9 where it says "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways" declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways highter than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
40. Ariana said the following at 8:20 AM on Jun 22:
Suzanne, many congrats on the engagement! Having read your articles up to this point, it's really encouraging to see the Lord move in this way and to be able to read them again knowing that He will answer.
Also, the age difference made me think about how sometimes we insist that the time is now for us, thinking only about where we are in life. And maybe we are ready, but our future spouses are not and won't be for several years.
41. Joel said the following at 10:34 AM on Jun 22:
Trevor (37) I think you might have something there. All people have the same potential to understand and relate Truth, regardless of marital status, and it's quite possible that some elements of Truth about marriage are easier to see and bear witness to from the outside. No one could accuse Paul of personal motives in his instructions for marriage.
I think I should have been more specific; it seems to me that Boundless is, in addition to discovering/proclaiming Truths about marriage, very interested in proclaiming practical advice for finding a partner, conducting a pure dating/courting relationship, etc, all of which are more like methods of execution than the Truths of "husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church." The difference could be analogous to the difference between a physicist who understands the principles of thermodynamics that make a car engine operate (isentropic compression, constant-volume heat addition, etc.) and an accountant who restores cars and rebuilds engines in his spare time. Which one are you going to call when you're broken down on the side of the road? While it would be great if you had a friend who was a physicist AND rebuilt engines in his spare time, given this choice you're going to call the one who has the most experience getting greasy.
Additionally, (not that this is the place for this discussion) I do appreciate Megan's (35) comment about Boundless becoming a "how to get married" service. I didn't come across Boundless until after I was married, and looking at the focus and content I think that if I was following it regularly as a single person, I would really be missing the forest for the trees in my real (non-internet based) life. I'm only speaking for myself, but I could see how following the site closely and participating in the discussion could result in an unhealthy amount of self-analysis and second guessing, which I imagine are not the sort of traits that a woman finds attractive in a man. Call me a romantic or an idealist, but it doesn't seem like it should take a task force to find a spouse.
Also, thanks for the corrections about P&P. In my defense, I think Pride and Prejudice may just be that significant of a book to claim exclusivity on the abbreviation. :-)
42. BDB said the following at 1:55 PM on Jun 22:
Joel (#41) wrote:
>>Also, thanks for the corrections about P&P. In my defense, I think Pride and Prejudice may just be that significant of a book to claim exclusivity on the abbreviation. :-) <<
If you search the archives, you will indeed find a set of discussions on Jane Austen.
43. Tami said the following at 2:41 PM on Jun 22:
While the points about Boundless not evolving into a simple "how to get married" blog and webzine are understood, I would hate to see it *step away* from that role completely. The tagline for the blog is, after all, "bringing focus to the single years," and I think the Watters have a site for young marrieds in the works. Plus, this is one of the few places where I don't get a sighing, resigned "I give up" vibe, nor do I get a lecture about being "content in my singleness", and I don't get the dreaded "maybe you have the GIFT OF SINGLENESS" lecture, either. It's nice to be in a place where I get advice on preparing for (and praying for) marriage, while still having conversations about issues that touch on *all* of life.
And so, I echo what Jo (38) wrote. I think it makes a lot of sense. I would like to continue to hear (even) more about what the writers did in their pre-Boundless unmarried years, as Suzanne did in "real time" when she's written on here.
44. Rebekah in SoCal said the following at 2:57 PM on Jun 22:
Scottie in WI
I'm w/in childbearing years--I'd hazard a guess that many of the Boundless ladies are! (okay, I must admit that I nearly died laughing at your choice of words; "childbearing age" isn't a word you hear frequently).
Maybe the next feature on the boundless site should be a "Match Maker" who can help all of us find a place to meet people. Or maybe at the very least the team shouldreview the online dating sites available.
45. Rachael said the following at 6:46 PM on Jun 22:
re: sharing experiences and 'relating' and sharing thoughts as a similar marital status-ed person
--That can feel nice...
But here's a thought, too - "wherever I go, there I am". This was true for me when I lived overseas. This is true for me in marriage, though I can see uglier stuff coming out of me in marriage that I didn't see as often and as magnified as when I was single.
Sure people who have spent years being married might not remember their single years as vividly on an emotional level, but surely they can understand pain. Surely they can understand not getting what they want. Perhaps they understand independence and freedom. They may at least be aware of some benefits of being single even if they forgot it firsthand...
People are people and sins and struggles that come to one when single may very well appear in marriage...
So even if people don't really seem to relate or seem to be in a different marital status, they may very well understand matters of the heart that are common to mankind...
46. Rachael said the following at 6:54 PM on Jun 22:
someone wrote: "I'm only speaking for myself, but I could see how following the site closely and participating in the discussion could result in an unhealthy amount of self-analysis and second guessing"
Just to branch off that comment a bit...I wonder if when one tends to hold to respectable (to some Christians) ideologies of dating or courtship, and the way things should be if it can subconsciously affect idealistic mindsets and decrease levels of agape love...those ideologies shouldn't be blamed, but I wonder if they can influence or create high expectations of the opposite gender.
47. Christopher from Albuquerque said the following at 11:27 PM on Jun 22:
I am 36, and I just entered into a Biblical dating relationship (or courtship, if you prefer) with a long-time friend who is 38. She thinks nothing of our age difference, and neither do I. It's not a *significant* age difference, but at any rate, age itself is not a major matter to me. There are so many other, more important factors to consider about a person.
With that said, we both desire to have a family, but because of very specific life circumstances (we are currently living in different states, although we forged our five-year-long friendship in the same state), we may not be able to even *possibly* marry for at least a year. If we do decide to marry but by that point, she is not able to bear children, I can say right now that I will not have regretted my decision. She is a wonderfully sweet and loving Christian woman, whether or not we ever have children, and I do not want to pass up such a great blessing!
48. Sarah P. said the following at 8:13 AM on Jun 23:
This is such an interesting discussion, and it's been causing me to rethink a lot. I'm one of those people who wrote down a list of qualifications and tucked it away when I was 20 or so. My mom had always informed me that I would have to marry someone older than myself so that he could "handle" me -- however, I think she was judging me by herself. hehe.
So, esp. over the last few years, God has been breaking down the items on the (now mental) list. Beliefs and intelligence have stayed, and character items have been added and taken on a tremendous amount of weight. But physical appearance and age are a big question mark. I sorta am attracted or not, and to persons with diverse appearances.
Frankly, though, God has taken me to a place where I am not so sure there is someone out there for me to marry. And I'm OK with that. Every day has its challenges, and there's lots to do in this world. I'm open to marriage, but I'm not seeking it. It's fairly clear that God is just telling me to "chill" at this time and see what He does.
49. katers said the following at 1:19 PM on Jun 29:
haha, call me a missions nerd, but, having read both, I hold Mrs. Elliot's "P&P" in much higher esteem than Miss Austen's. >: )