Improving the Wedding Party: Episode 73

Ashley had to fly to Virginia for bridesmaid duty and Lisa is in some sort of media spokesperson training so the podcast blog is up to me today. Which stinks because I had absolutely nothing to contribute to this week's roundtable on being a good groomsman or bridesmaid. But don't let that dissuade you from listening because the other three slayed the segment, especially Lisa who sent me this email when we landed on the topic:

"How to be a good bridesmaid = put your life on hold, empty your bank account and act like a slave."

She backs up that sentiment with a couple of stories from her bridesmaid experiences.

Improving the Wedding Party -- 00:00
I've been a groomsman four times in my life. But it was the groomsmen at my own wedding who taught me what being a good groomsman really means. And it's more than just escorting mothers and lighting candles. One in particular, my father, prevented a AFV type moment with a simple wink.

Dr. Mohler's New Book -- 21:50
Simply put, Dr. Albert Mohler is da bom. This week he joins us by phone to discuss his new book The Disappearance of God: Dangerous Beliefs in the New Spiritual Openness. Here Dr. Mohler talks about the disappearance of hellfire and brimstone preaching and church discipline. And, as a bonus, Dr. Mohler shares his reaction to the murder of late-term abortionist George Tiller.

Why Try? -- 39:51
You won't want to miss this week's question from a young woman who feels called to singleness and asks if she needs to wear make-up or otherwise make herself beautiful. Candice Watters tackles this one from a perspective of stewardship. To find out how, listen now.

Finally, I want to thank independent artist Zach Dodd for providing this week's music from his cd Children Without Names. I've enjoyed listening to it all week and think it's a great enhancement to the show.

Comments

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1. Michael said the following at 2:34 PM on Jun 11:

Boy, the dialog concerning the doctrine of heaven and hell, avoiding hell, the grace of God that saves us from hell.

Personally, as I've been taught, I believe there's a lack of discernment between salvation, sanctification, and inheritance, especially inheritance, and even sanctification to a certain degree. No other institution sanctifies (cleanses) quite like the crucible of marriage. The work place does, social networking does, sports activities do, to a certain degree; any public witness of one's personal faith in Christ. But one's inheritance can indeed be lost during our journey through this world and into the next.

This was touched upon during the dialog: we're heirs, co-heirs with Christ; if we died with him on the cross, we were also raised with him. The two go hand in hand; can't be separated. Do you know your saved today? Do you know you know you know; are you blessed with that assurance? Study 1 John some time.

As far as church discipline, I confess I'm one of those whose been hurt by someone else's sin--resulting in a root of bitterness. It's a mystery to me why I need to pay for the error of someone else. There's a sense of injustice in that, which I accepted; in error myself. I've failed to get past that; with no help from the church, where ever I've turned. It's inexcusable what the other did to me (or his other children), which needed to be condemned by me, even at the risk of operating in a kind of perversion against his so-called authority. It was quite simply violence against my spirit, against my soul--I can only guess what it means to my brothers.

Anyway, that's my soap box. For those of you thinking I need counseling--you'd better know what you're talking about before counseling me yourself to seek counseling. That's my testimony, ugly and scarred as it is. If it helps you, I pray that it does, to stand boldly for your faith in Christ, stand boldly.

-Michael

2. MarkS said the following at 2:43 PM on Jun 11:

It was a smash hit show Motte. Candice should be proud of you.

I've never been in the wedding party, but as a guest the only lesson from my measely experience: never out dress the groom. Very poor form.

Kudos to the doc for his stand on the killing. While I am vehemently anti-abortion, why do we (all of us not just the radicals) not realize it? Realize that all OUR efforts over the past half century come to naught? Because they are OUR efforts. It's time to take WWJD seriously, and then actually do it. Abortion would be rare indeed if no one was promiscuous. Noone would be promiscuous if they had Jesus in their heart. Everyone would have Jesus in their heart if they heard about Him. Everyone would hear about Him if WE did our job: show His love, tell about Him, pray for them. We may not save the world, because well we know how it all goes down, but should we not try? At least we know by now that pious hate-filled words and deeds will NOT work....

3. Rebekah in Socal said the following at 11:52 PM on Jun 11:

I've only been in my brother and sister-in-laws wedding and she was a model of GRACIOSNESS.

One thing I loved about how they handled the bridal party was that she picked out the colors, but let the bridesmaids vote from about 6 choices and she was concerned that the dresses wouldn't be too expensive. She had us all wear white shoes . . . but let us choose something comfortable. Everyone was looking at her anyway.

My only job, besides showing up, was to download the wedding slideshow and bring a copy to the DJ (and that was only b/c the groom forgot).

Their attitude wasn't "it's all about me" or "it's my day", but rather, we want to honor God in our lives and will use this ceremony to that end. It was so beautiful.

Rebekah

4. A Future Mrs. said the following at 8:33 AM on Jun 12:

RE: Weddings
I'll be planning a wedding soon. I'm going on a mission trip here shortly and the plans will kick into high gear once I get back.
I've started to form my bridal party and I have already decided not to decide on wedding dresses. The wedding will be in the spring and I have told the few that I have picked "Think Spring. Pick out something you will wear again." Hopefully they can get away with spending less than $50. That's my goal.
For as much as I love shoes, it never even dawned on me to get picky about footwear. I think what's important - and this was said very well in the podcast - is that you have people can trust in your wedding party.
I'm picking who I'm picking because they are important to me and I can trust them to represent Christ well. They aren't going to dress immodestly because they have their priorities straight. So, I have freedom to say "Wear whatever you want!" and not have anxiety over how my bridal party will look.

5. IMO said the following at 8:49 AM on Jun 12:

When I planned my wedding, I gave my bridesmaids some dress options. Other than that, I didn't care what they did with their hair or what shoes they wore.
Maybe I just don't like bossing others around. I don't feel comfortable.
I think I was a really easy bride to deal with.
I can't imagine the pressure of thinking that "THIS IS MY DAY. IT HAS TO BE PERFECT. IT'S ALL ABOUT ME."
Ugh. That's such a disgusting attitude, imo.

6. Timothy Wright said the following at 6:40 PM on Jun 12:

Hi,

I so agree with Dr. Mohler about discipline but I think we go after the obvious sins, sexual or verbal, but ignore gluttony and greed. People don't need a new car every year and they should be held accountable for such waste instead of being admired that they can buy a new car.

I used to be fat and no one ever called me on my sin. I have to say that the last thing that I want to do is call anyone fat, but love is necessary.

Cheers

Tim

7. BDB said the following at 12:02 AM on Jun 13:

Wedding parties? Wedding planning?

Ok, we need a segment on sports cars and BBQ next.

8. Rachael said the following at 8:28 PM on Jun 13:

My comment disappeared...oh well.

Hopefully the bridesmaids in my wedding can wear their dress again if the occasion arises; they were black.

But boy was it a complicated process to come to the decision, though I ultimately went under my sister's influence, though another bridesmaid may have found the dress online...

I recommend all going together or just limiting the opinions...like make it yourself or talk to just one bridesmaid or check if a particular dress is okay rather than give them options...in my case I ended up sending tons of links to people, and getting ideas from 1-2+ people, but I don't recommend that option unless perhaps everyone's of the same body shape and preference...

No one showed me strong distaste of the dress that ultimately got chosen, but it was hard to make the final decision.

9. Rachael said the following at 8:37 PM on Jun 13:

About make-up. I often don't wear make-up or just put on a little. My husband doesn't like a ton of make-up, or perhaps any. And he thinks I'm pretty.

I will most likely get uglier as time progresses, so, perhaps I should check in with him from time to time or just start being more consistent. When I just put on a little he might not always notice anyway....

But for people who automatically wear make-up and have a sense and have attracted their man in that state, then they can just continue doing as they do...sounds easy enough...

10. Becky Castle Miller said the following at 1:46 PM on Jun 14:

Being a groomsman may involve dashing to a convenience store for paper plates and utensils mid-reception when the realization hits that it was no one's job to make sure there was something to serve the cake with...that was my husband's experience as a groomsman last weekend.

11. Tehilah said the following at 8:32 AM on Jun 15:

My one and only experience as a bridesmaid was revelatory. I was unfamiliar with what was expected of me, so I dashed home after the initial excitement of being singled out for such an office and looked it up online. Yes, it sounds stupid, but my first recourse is usually research.
Frankly, I wish all bridesmaids would do the same. Maybe they would find out that their role is not just to be beautiful props in a photograph, but practical helpers to the bride. I've been at many weddings where the bride had to fend for herself because her bridesmaids were primping and I have only one thing to say "the -maid part of the title doesn't refer to your marital status, but to your function!". Wedding days are stressful enough for a bride without having to arrange for her own luggage to be moved into the hotel suite, pacify stressed out parents, siblings, and the occassional lost guest, and figure out how to arrange her train while holding a bouquet AND smiling for the photographer.

12. Michela said the following at 12:45 PM on Jun 15:

I agree with #11- hear hear!

I was the MOH in my friend's wedding last year. My job description?

~Bring coffee for bride to ridiculously early hair appointment.
~Paint the bride's toenails.
~Deliver love note to bride from groom while ensuring the groom and his henchmen do not enter dressing room.
~Realize that I have no makeup on right as the photographer calls for photos.
~Apply makeup in 2.5 minutes.
~Carry bride's train without accidentally flashing her undies at innocent bystanders.
~Smile for 2 hours straight.
~Wear 4" stiletto heels without falling over for 4 hours.
~Strategically stuff tissues in bouquet for bride during ceremony (which, consequently, ended up being needed by the groom instead).
~Help bride if she needs to use the restroom while wearing her princess-width ballroom gown.
~Arrange bride's train during ceremony several times, without falling over on said stilettos.
~Hobble to microphone and back during ceremony for song.
~Hobble down aisle smiling at the end of ceremony.
~Help bride remove veil and bustle gown at reception.
~Ensure that bride does not have a nervous breakdown after finding that her groom and his henchmen decided to go out for a beer before the reception while 200 guests waited.
~Give a funny, charming, memorable speech to toast the couple.
~Be available and ready to do what needs to be done!

I did all this and more, and I think my blood pressure went up a few notches that weekend. My reward was watching my friend marry the man she loves and knowing that her day was possibly a little less stressful since I was there.

Oh, and the best part? She's going to be my MOH in 2 months. I think I will print off this list and give it to her...

13. Loris said the following at 2:59 PM on Jun 15:

I didn't expect my bridesmaids to do anything since all but one was driving from out of town the day before, and the local one was my pastor's twelve-year old daughter. I had a ten year age gap among my bridesmaids, so rather than offend any mamas, I handed out scraps of ribbon the right color and told my ladies to find something.

14. IMO said the following at 3:25 PM on Jun 16:

I tried to look up the Boundless show blog post but couldn't find it so I'll just post here.

I think Lisa (or Ashley) wrote something about Will and Jada.
I'm strongly against rumors or gossip, especially on a site like Boundless.

15. Ashley Harris said the following at 4:56 PM on Jun 16:

IMO,

It wasn't a rumor. It was from an actual interview with Will Smith. But seeing as how it didn't really add anything to the blog I took it out.

It doesn't really profit anyone to talk about another person's sin flippantly even if it is public knowledge.

16. Kelly said the following at 11:11 PM on Jun 16:

Loris - that was an AWESOME approach to the bridesmaid dress dilemma.

I'm in a wedding soon, and the 4 bridesmaids are all VERY different shapes and sizes (one will be 2-months-post-giving-birth).

But the bride wants us all in the same dress. :( YARGH.

17. Rachael said the following at 11:16 AM on Jun 17:

Ashley,

Awesome move of humility.