What's Your Line?
by Lisa Anderson on 05/15/2009 at 3:00 PM
The other day I was walking through the mall during my lunch hour. As I headed toward the door of a department store on the way out to my car, I heard whistling. Not a shrill, catcall-like whistle, but a warbling, birdsong-like whistle. After a minute or two, I turned around to see a guy walking about ten feet behind me.
"It wasn't me, I promise!" he exclaimed, raising his hands in apology. He then quickened his stride, caught up to me and said, "You have a nice set of eyes."
I literally did not know how to respond. I wasn't sure I heard him correctly, so I lamely said, "What?" He repeated his statement. "Oh, thanks!", I replied, and bolted off like a frightened rabbit.
As I walked to my car, I thought about this encounter. He seemed like a nice guy. I gave him points for boldness. Thankfully, I hadn't responded rudely. But I didn't know what to make of it. How had he expected me to respond? Did he think I'd return the compliment, strike up a conversation, give him my number? I find it hard to be balanced in situations like this. On the one hand, I'm flattered and impressed. On the other, I'm uncomfortable with the assumption that this is a perfectly acceptable way to meet women. Should I have asked him to join me at Orange Julius so I could inquire after his faith, character, marital status (necessary, I've found) and ability to support a wife and family? Maybe I could've gotten his email address and immediately filled his inbox with Boundless articles on dating and courtship?
A few years ago, I had a key made at Ace Hardware. The guy handed me my newly-minted key with his phone number wrapped around it. I botched that connection by staring at the slip of paper and blurting out, "Why did you give me your number?" A less awkward incident happened in the Wal-Mart card aisle. A guy approached me and said, "Can you help me pick out a card for my mom?" What girl doesn't want to be helpful in situations like these? I said, "Sure," and he used the opportunity to strike up a conversation. I thought that was pretty smooth, and in that instance, I didn't end up acting like a total freak. It seemed more natural and normal. The guy asked me out, but after some pointed questions from me, admitted that he was in fact married. Yikes (see above).
What's your experience either getting or giving pickup lines, and do you think this "cast the net" approach is ok, especially for Christians? If we're all griping about the lack of eligible dates and mates in our churches, should we instead be trolling the checkout aisles, gas pumps and dental waiting rooms that we frequent?
I have girlfriends who are so frustrated with their lack of dates, they think a numbers game is in order. They're willing to talk to a bunch of guys in hopes one of them will turn out to be a Christian. And single. And emotionally healthy. I'll admit, I've heard of Christians who met their spouse on the train, in a Starbucks, at a baseball game. It works! The sovereignty of God seems to occasionally include pickup lines.
So what do you think? Opinions needed. And perhaps some advice for me in these situations is warranted, too.
1. Keith said the following at 3:39 PM on May 15:
Pick up lines are a bizarre method to find a lifetime partner.
Just go up to someone and tell them how you feel about them. I mean, if you really like someone, just go up and tell her / him how you feel and that you would like to get to know them some more and if you can go out with them some time to get to know them some more. Just be honest, direct, and loving....
2. Rachael said the following at 3:53 PM on May 15:
Wow you're popular!
I think for me the key thing was my now husband getting my e-mail address (it was supposedly for a purpose, to invite me to something, not one-on-one). Of course we had conversation and it wasn't just a "What's your e-mail address" type of thing....
We didn't date right away, had a little e-mail correspondence, then about a month break, then more e-mailing, then meeting in person, then at some point marriage...
So I guess, follow-up contact info. can be useful...basic, but there you go :)
3. Brian K said the following at 4:00 PM on May 15:
that he was in fact married.
Yikes! is right. IMVHO, I would say that the "pickup line" (which is a competitor to boundlessline, I think) foisted upon some random anonymous girl is foolish. I am a huge believer in observation and conversation. The crux, to me, about the fly-by pickup line is that it embodies the values that are so wrong for a relationship. In essence, that guy is saying "hey, you’re cute enough to date". So, in my mind, that would be a red flag to begin with (for a woman).
That being said, almost anything that a man says to a woman can, in fact, somehow be construed as a "pickup line". Innocent as a statement may be, sometimes a frame of mind on one party doesn’t match the other. When you’re in a group of friends and, as a man, you try to strike up that conversation, that may be considered a pickup line. But at that point, one would hope you have watched this woman (in a very non-stalkerish manner) demonstrate her love for the Lord, gentleness, etc. as opposed to the "she’s got a hot bod" mentality (which is seemingly the reson of the fly-by pickup line).
BTW, Lisa, you have the most beautiful black and white eyes I’ve ever seen, too.....oh, wait...
4. Jo said the following at 4:15 PM on May 15:
Hehe Lisa. I gotta say, things like that really make my day. I once took some of the disabled people I worked with out for lunch at a pub. I was totally in 'at work' mode so was rather taken aback when the barman told me I had a 'hot voice' and bought me a drink. (My speaking voice? Really?!)
The weirdest one was when I bought my piano - the shop had my number because they'd ordered it in for me, and when I got home the guy from the store had texted me to say he thought there was a connection between us. (There was a very strong connection... between me and the piano.) Shocking violation of the Data Protection Act aside, that was pretty amusing.
I think guys should give compliments more freely. I suspect many guys worry that they might accidentally compliment girls who aren't Christians and then be expected to date them and oh my goodness what a terrible thought so let's just avoid all contact... I know I have that same worry from the other side. But compliments are nice! Go on, if nothing else it's good practise. ;)
5. Brandon said the following at 4:16 PM on May 15:
Quite honestly who cares? If it works it works. If it doesn't it doesn't. I think Christian people tend to make this stuff way too complicated. With non-Christian women just striking up conversations or innocent flirting is easy. With Christians it doesn't seem to go so smoothly. It's as if somehow you have to have been married in some previous life and she has to have known that, which would make it ok to hang out.
6. JuliestD said the following at 4:20 PM on May 15:
I say -- have fun, be adventurous, and subscribe to a background check agency on the internet.
I met my husband on the internet initially and then we emailed for four solid months before taking the risk to meeting in-person. After both of us had done background checks on the other!
Meeting someone after college is hard, in my opinion. I was a high school teacher. Everyone I met at work was either 1) married (like you were saying) 2) female 3) under the age of 18 or 4) some combination of the above.
My husband isn't a "pick-up line" kind of guy, but I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with meeting someone in a random place, as long as it's not a bar or something else that might be "an occasion of sin."
If I hadn't taken the chance to try to meet someone online, I wouldn't have met my husband through pick-up lines either. So I guess my little moral of the story is -- be open, it might work, it might not, but you gotta try! -- but only after a background check! :)
7. Christine said the following at 4:25 PM on May 15:
I have to say that I'm not a fan of pick up lines because I don't like flattery. I don't want someone who feels the need to constantly tell me how amazing and wonderful I am - I want someone who wants to build a solid foundation for a relationship.
One of the things that really attracted me to my boyfriend was how long it took him to compliment me on my looks. We talked for months before he ever told me that he liked anything about my looks. As crazy as that sounds - I LOVED it! I knew that he really meant it when he said that he liked my hair and he showed me that he was willing to take the time to get to know me and not to just tell me all the things that he thought I wanted to hear. He was so refreshingly different that I was intrigued!
8. Jeni said the following at 4:50 PM on May 15:
I say - give pick up lines a whirl! I agree with #6. Being open is a good way to make new connections. Those connections may or may not lead to "the real deal", but I think being approachable allows for the real deal to meet you!
Generally, I think Christians make meeting people and dating so very difficult. It's disappointing to find more friendly single people in the world than in the church.
I like compliments! If they border on flattery, I'm okay with that. Bring it on. A little flattery will go a long way with me. But also, I'm one of those people who subscribe to the "up the numbers" train of thought. ;-)
9. J. said the following at 4:50 PM on May 15:
Lisa, aren't a lot of Christian ministries headquartered in Colorado Springs? Perhaps the man was a Christian, and he figured the odds of your being one as well were pretty good! :-) This approach would probably be a lot riskier for a Christian man in, say, Boulder.
10. BDB said the following at 5:05 PM on May 15:
You Bolted?
Wow - I think the penalty for that is - for the next six months, you're not allowed to say you can't meet any men.
And, for the various Boundless authors who say men should "man up - the worst thing she can say is no!"
Clearly, she can also bolt as if you have the swine flu... :D
11. BDB said the following at 5:11 PM on May 15:
Jo (#4) wrote:
>>I think guys should give compliments more freely.<<
Can I get a sworn statement to that effect, just in case I get myself into a jam?
I have actually noticed that those who give compliments freely tend to have a lot more people around them. We can always choose to be positive instead of critical.
I will say that sometimes when I give a single woman a compliment, she freezes. Sometimes I wonder if I've offended her. But usually the next time I see her, she's friendlier. I'm not talking about complimenting looks mind you - I try to identify specific things, such as when someone is a very consistent volunteer who always works hard.
12. Rachael Starke said the following at 5:25 PM on May 15:
I used to be "envious" of the way unbelievers were so free in their methods to meet potential significant others - pickup lines, bars, grocery stores, etc.
But the fact is, if we're committed followers of Jesus, we have to consider where any of even the harmless methods are really safe. Let's say the guy was normal, and you did sit down and have lunch or something, and he was really charming (and had nice eyes back), and he found out your were a follower of Jesus and "was cool with that" (usually code for not a believer), and, and, and.... I've been in those situations, and it was only God's faithfulness in keeping a hedge around me that kept me out of trouble.
I confess that the card "trick" was pretty good (interesting that it's the snakiest guys that are also the most creative)... maybe if you were in a Christian bookstore??
When I was single and travelled a lot, I used to somewhat conspicuously read a John Piper book (occasionally even holding it with my left, ringless, hand. :) ) on the airplane.
And after all that effort, I was set up with my husband by mutual coworkers who were very, very unsaved, and we long-distance dated for almost our entire relationship.
13. BDB said the following at 5:26 PM on May 15:
Thanks for the reminder on the cards by the way. I just took a quick trip to the store to pick up a couple of birthday cards I needed.
Let's see, back to the question.
Any lines I would actually use I wouldn't post hear - that would ruin the future usefulness.
I will share some that I wouldn't use.
Pardon me, may I buy you a Cadillac?
Recently, a petite 50-something woman in my Bible study decided to go to the gym without makeup or her wedding ring. A guy said out loud, "Looks like you need a bookmark." The one he gave her asked her out to dinner and had his number...she stammered something about her husband and left...
A woman I knew in retail had a guy give her a check for his purchase and say, "That's my home number." She responded, "I guess the check better not bounce then."
Once in college, I was walking with some guy who asked, "How do you ask a girl for her number?"
I said, "Like This!"
And turned to the first woman walking by. I knew her name, but that's it. I asked, "[name] what's your phone number?" And paused, smiling.
She stopped, taken aback. She blinked, looked at me, looked at him, then looked back and me, and gave it to me.
I didn't write it down, though...
That is perhaps easier to pull off when you attend a small private college where everyone knows each other...
14. DannieA said the following at 5:31 PM on May 15:
pick up lines are great....and what because we're Christian we can't enjoy or say them back???? I think not.
The best one I had was walking in a downtown area of a small town with my friend and a guy came by and said, keep smiling ladies it's a wonderful day and it's being graced by beautiful women.
I smiled back but he went off and we went off as well....
I've made comments at guys before too...we smile and move on....sometimes it's not just about meeting and hooking/dating/meeting a spouse, sometimes it's just because life is GOOD!
15. Julie D. said the following at 6:06 PM on May 15:
Oh pick-up lines... such a source of amusement and awkwardness. For me, an awkward pickup line or even just overtly flirtatious behavior ruins any chance the poor guy might have had. I know that might be harsh but...
I'll never forget... I was at the gym and this big, body-builder type comes lumbering over to me. I was concentrating on my own business so I honestly didn't even notice him until he was right there. I looked at him rather quizzically and he says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but your butt was calling me." I turned around, pertly told my butt to shut up and continued my exercise.
After a couple of stalker experiences and one near-kidnapping/rape (not sure what that creep had in mind), I've decided the good ones respect your space and allow you to feel comfortable around them before making any moves.
My boyfriend now is perfect (for me anyway!), he waited patiently for me to come around, was never pushy, but also politely continued getting to know me and allowed me to get to know him. Now that we've been dating for 9 months and are considering marriage he's having lots of fun with cheesy pick-up lines. Now it's sweet. I like that.
16. Charlotte C. said the following at 6:21 PM on May 15:
Wow, you're really lucky, Lisa.
The kind of guys that have trailed my back have been the stalkerish type. It was flattering at first but later on, it started getting wayyy creepy. One guy even blurted out that he wanted to marry me but I strongly refused his offer (because he wasn't Christian and it seemed too 'whim of a moment').
But I think the occasional compliments are really nice. They don't have to go over the top but a nice honest statement is always a-okay.
17. Janeile said the following at 7:07 PM on May 15:
Pick-up lines? What are those? Christian guys use pick-up lines? What???? Where????
18. Dan real-name said the following at 7:40 PM on May 15:
Here is an opinion: I have never used a line. Ever. Why? Because I don't like to approach strangers, and I have a generally reserved personality when it comes to people.
Oh, and here is something you also need to know: I have been on MANY dates over the last several years. Here is how:
1. Went out with a gal who was in my bible study small group (we "fell" into dating).
2. I ASKED out a gal who came into my circle of friends through another friend.
3. I ASKED out a gal who was a friend from college, and that I hadn't seen in quite a while - I asked a mutual friend if she was still available and he got us connected
4. I ASKED out a gal who several years ago had expressed interest in me to another friend of hers
5. I ASKED out a gal who I met online through a Christian dating site.
6. I ASKED out a gal who is in my circle of friends.
Now I know that there are some people reading the above, and red flags are popping in your brain - "isn't that risky to ask out someone in your group of friends? You or they might leave if things don't go well" - well, here is my response...
TAKE A RISK FOR ONCE!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you decide to take too much caution and fear into your dating life, then you may end up with little or nothing to show for it.
For the most part, all of the above 6 women I went out on dates with, I had little or no knowledge of their personal lives (i.e., what they were like away in private or away from church), and I ASKED THEM OUT ANYWAYS!!!!!!! MANY of you need to get over your perfectionist ideals and phony spiritual requirements and TAKE A RISK for once in your life!!!!! There are NO perfect men or women out there. SEVERAL of the women I went out with had some issues, and I DON'T regret going on a date with them.
Of COURSE I didn't do everything in the last several years perfectly, but since when did we have to do everything perfectly????
Geeze, sometimes I read some of the stuff here on Boundless and other sites and I think that many Christians are SO trying to refine and perfect and mistake-proof EVERYTHING they do or attempt to do in regards to finding a mate, that they are basically perfecting themselves out of the married life. This goes for ME to by the way (i.e., this is counsel that has HELPED me get dates, not focusing so much on how much money I make or whether I am Mr. Big Shot American Christian male)!!!!
19. Carol said the following at 8:14 PM on May 15:
Once I was browsing magazines at a drugstore, and an employee told me that I was very beautiful. Not knowing what else to say, like Lisa I said, "Thanks." I chatted with him for a minute, but it was really awkward.
I'm personally not interested in dating complete strangers. The likelihood of them being marriage material is so small, I don't even want to waste my time.
I guess there is a chance it might work out, but if the Lord sees fit to send me my husband that way, He better make it really obvious!
20. Larissa said the following at 10:41 PM on May 15:
Christine,
I completely feel the same way as you. I had this boyfriend once who always complimented me in different ways, and it drove me nuts! I think it's mostly because I never really knew what to say back. I don't naturally compliment people, but I feel like I need to when I am complimented, so it feels really forced, even though it is sincere.
Brandon,
I agree with you too. If somebody wants to use a cheesy pick up line, go for it! Maybe it is how that person shows they have a sense of humour. Maybe that's how they can get over their anxiety. But if you don't want to use one, don't. You don't have to. There are many other ways to capture somebody's attention.
21. Leah said the following at 10:43 PM on May 15:
I have a friend who works on a check-out in a supermarket. One day she was complaining to a customer about her computer getting a virus and losing her uni assignments. He offered to lend her his installation disk for Norton Anti-virus. When he got back to the supermarket with the disk, he'd written his phone number on the back of it. She flatly refused to call him back and made her supervisor call him instead!
In another incident, she was working on the express lane when the service desk got a call. Her supervisor answered, and the caller said "hello, is this the express lane?" The supervisor said 'yes', as the service desk was attached to the express lane. The caller began saying "I just came through your checkout twenty minutes ago, and I can't get you out of my head and wondered if you wanted to go out." Trying to keep from bursting out laughing, the supervisor said "I'm sorry, I don't think you're looking for me" and relayed the story to my friend.
In ANOTHER incident, same friend was home by herself when her family's new fridge was delivered by two blokes including a young guy not much older than her. They hung round to install the fridge and on their way out the young guy asked her out. She had a boyfriend at this stage however so had an excuse :P
I think pickup lines are great, used properly :) eg. not on complete strangers.
22. brx said the following at 11:20 PM on May 15:
"Why did you give me your number?" Great response! And natural too! Seriously, if the guy does not have the courage to answer you back with something about wanting to get to know you in a different setting, then he probably doesn't have the courage to be honest under fire. It's OK to ask guys for clarity about their intentions. And, when they do answer and clarify, it's OK to call their number and thank them for their courage. :)
"Can you help me pick out a card for my mom?" That ought to be a yellow or orange flag right there, Lisa! Does he not know his mother for some reason? Do you know his mother? Or maybe he thinks you look or dress like his his mother?? This does not sound naturally friendly at all. :-|
"You have a nice set of eyes." Literally, it's a compliment. If one doesn't make sinful assumptions, then it can be received with thankfulness and appreciation. If you like, then you're free to open the door to further conversation: is there anything else you'd like to compliment me on? Would you like to ask me out so you can find more things to compliment on? :)
Grace, peace & inviting hospitality...
23. brx said the following at 11:28 PM on May 15:
...girlfriends who are so frustrated with their lack of dates, they think a numbers game is in order. They're willing to talk to a bunch of guys in hopes one of them will turn out to be a Christian. And single. And emotionally healthy.
That's a Right answer! Maybe a Wrong motivation, but a really right answer! If we (followers of Jesus) really live the life that He calls and challenges us to live, then we'll end up meeting and talking with many people. It is unavoidable - you won't be able to help it - if you are really following after Jesus.
Grace, peace & adventures in Jesus' challenges!
...Jesus loves people...and He challenges us to love them...that also means getting to know them...which is often done thru talking with a bunch of them (incase it wasn't obvious)...
24. brx said the following at 11:41 PM on May 15:
BTW LisaA,
It must be humbling for such a skilled PR expert to relate embarrassing personal PR events and ask for other's opinions and advice.
I admire your humility.
...ooh, wait...what excellent PR! You did it again!! You're goooood! :)
25. Ice said the following at 1:23 AM on May 16:
Lisa,
seriously, what do you have to lose talking to a guy for a few minutes? or calling a guy that's willing to make a fool of himself for you to have a conversation? That poor guy went out of his way to get your attention, give a genuine compliment, that's pretty rad! live a little!
26. Mike Theemling said the following at 1:29 AM on May 16:
"If you like him, it's flirting. If he gives you the creeps, it's sexual harassment"
"No one is asking me out."
(Translation: "No one I'm interested in is asking me out.")
Many women say that they are attracted to boldness and confidence, but there is often an unspoken caveat: she has to actually find him attractive first which is almost impossible for the guy to know when they first meet.
What if that guy who whistled to Lisa looked like Matthew McConaughey? Would she be so quick to dash off? Somehow I doubt it.
I and other guys can attest to times when we've taken the initiative, even in a church setting, only to get shot down hard. Personally, it's the not so much the rejections themselves which bother me, but the way that it's often done. It's either a lame excuse (my favorite: After asking this one girl out in my singles group I get a message on my answering machine saying that she can't go out with me because "her parents are visiting from out of town". Yeah right, like they are going to stay around forever), or an outright ignoring/avoidance of me, sometimes with a dirty look that communicates, "How dare you ask me out".
Lisa also writes, "I'm uncomfortable with the assumption that this is a perfectly acceptable way to meet women...If we're all griping about the lack of eligible dates and mates in our churches, should we instead be trolling the checkout aisles, gas pumps and dental waiting rooms that we frequent?"
I would ask her then, "OK, how else are we supposed to meet strangers face-to-face outside of the church setting?" In your example, he didn't know you were a Christian or part of a small group. Would you prefer he ask you that, which small group you attend, then have him show up the next time they meet? I suspect you'd find that creepier than just being upfront in the parking lot.
I tend to agree with Brandon (#5). We should not overanalyze every flirt or initiation. Accepting coffee with a stranger and then finding out he/she is not a Christian/mature/etc. is not a sin in my opinion.
My advice for what it's worth (since you asked)? If you really don't feel comfortable with an outright solicitation for a date then just plainly and honestly say, "Thanks, but no thanks." If you honestly aren't sure, just say "Let me get back to you" and actually do so. But just remember that date is not a marriage proposal. You never know where a date might lead to.
27. Keith said the following at 5:57 AM on May 16:
I am part of the old school or guard.
First you should not be looking for a mate; God already has your spouse picked for you.
What you are to be doing is furthering Gods kingdom, letting God work through you.
You may call this a ministry or calling. (Work, Neighborhood, Community, Church, other Countries) You need to be continuing growing in the Lord. (Bible studies, Sunday school, Church, Workshops, Conferences, Retreats)
As you allow God to work through you He will continue to bless you. Help you mature, grow in Christ.
Better to enable you to use your gifts.
In His own time this may include getting married. When you or your spouse are ready.
The world, hence many Christians have this backwards. (First my needs then Gods)
If a person is married I would see this as an opportunity for God to use you to say this is wrong. Period. Use scripture to back this up. (If you cannot use scripture this way then you need to study it much, much more.)
Other contacts should be to seek out where they are at spiritually and how God can use you to help them grow spiritually.
These contacts or “pick up lines” should be for this purpose. God’s purpose.
Remember it is all about God. Not us.
28. obewan said the following at 8:42 AM on May 16:
One of my best friends in college was pretty bold with this stuff. We went to a Christian college where the "ratio" at the time was 12:1. Since he was desperate, he took to meeting total strangers. His pickup line was: "Hi. Are you a Christian?" It actually worked and quite often! Of course, we were in Texas in the heart of the Bible belt. He met and dated some beautiful women using that line, and they were total strangers - a hairstylist, a fast food worker, a clerk in the mall, yada yada yada...
29. Some Dude said the following at 9:07 AM on May 16:
1. Pluck out my eyes. They are causing me to sin.
2. You can visit my threshing floor any time.
3. **Touch your ribcage as if looking for something.**
**Point to the girl.**
There it is!
4. Excuse me, could I have a drink of water? And how about a drink for my camels?
I guarantee that if you use one of these lines, the Christian girls will be all up ons.*
*Disclaimer: Some Dude is not responsible for slaps, groans, eye-rolls, restraining orders...
30. em said the following at 9:14 AM on May 16:
hmmm... my favorite response to pick up lines? well, it depends on how much time I have. if I'm busy, I'll say "thank you," smile, and excuse myself.
If we talk and it is obvious that he's not a believer (I can tell very quickly if I ask the right questions), my favorite response is that he can find me at church every Sunday at 10am. I'll give him my church website and tell him he's welcome to look me up there anytime. The singles at my church often go out to lunch after service and if I'm going, he'd be welcome to join us ;-).
I haven't had anyone take me up on that yet.
31. Ted Slater said the following at 9:40 AM on May 16:
Keith (#27) -- you wrote, "First you should not be looking for a mate; God already has your spouse picked for you. What you are to be doing is furthering Gods kingdom, letting God work through you."
Why do you diminish "looking for a mate" below all other pursuits? And why do you assume that marriage does not further God's kingdom, that God does not work through married people? Consider:
First you should not be looking for a job; God already has your job picked for you.
First you should not be looking for dinner; God already has your dinner picked for you.
First you should not be looking for a car; God already has your car picked for you.
First you should not be looking for an education; God already has your university picked for you.
First you should not be looking for a home; God already has your house picked for you.
I could go on.
The Lord puts desires in our hearts, and it is good to pursue them as Scripture permits. We have a desire for food, so it is fine to pursue eating according to biblical guidelines. Most of us have a desire for marital relationship, so it is fine to *pursue* marriage according to biblical guidelines.
Godly men are not passive.
I'm not picking on you, Keith. This concept affirming passivity toward relationships, as though such passivity is an expression of deference to the Lord's sovereignty, is one of the big lies of our generation. This concept that marriage is a betrayal of single-minded devotion to the Lord, that getting married is merely succumbing to our sexual desires and is therefore accepting less than God's best, is another of the big lies of our generation.
32. Jo said the following at 11:06 AM on May 16:
#18 - Amen.
And it's true that giving a compliment or striking up a conversation doesn't have to lead anywhere! An arty friend of mine once sketched a good-looking guy who was asleep across the aisle from us on the train. When we got off the train, she left the sketch on the table in front of him. I thought was quite cool. :)
I'm definitely one of those who won't approach someone I don't know. I'm just shy that way. So I've pretty much come to the conclusion that the more (normal) people who approach me, the better. It's good practise in fun conversation, in getting past the shyness, in just meeting new people!
The other day a guy started chatting to me on the train just after my friend got off, because he'd overheard us talking about something he was interested in. That one felt totally natural and I ended up giving him my email address after like a 5 minute chat - not something I usually do! He hasn't emailed me though, but hey. You win some, you lose some. :)
33. Mike Theemling said the following at 11:19 AM on May 16:
obewan (#28),
Wow, that is bold. Unless he had the looks of a GQ model his failure rate was probably at least the same as the school's guy/girl ratio (i.e. 1 success for every 12 "Hi, are you a Christian" lines.).
I'm glad that it "worked" for him. I don't know if I'd have the constitution to do that. It's also why I'm not in a sales-related career.
34. Sirena said the following at 11:29 AM on May 16:
Brian K #3: Exactly! Pick-up lines and flirtatious conversation are a red flag to me. That's not the kind of man that I want to be pursued by. If he's doing this to me, how many other women has he been "forward" with? I work in the public, and have been hit on by married men more than by single men. I am so used to turning on the "ice queen" to shut them down, that I have a hard time making myself just converse with a guy that's being just friendly. I can testify to the observation that the men that would use pick-up lines are ones that I would turn and run from if it wasn't my job to wait on them. I am always thankful for that counter between me and them!
And Lisa - I am so glad someone else freezes when a stranger compliments you!! I always feel like the girl from the hills that doesn't know how to handle "real-world men".
35. farmer Tom said the following at 11:51 AM on May 16:
AMEN
36. Lauren T. said the following at 12:07 PM on May 16:
Some Dude (#29):
I laughed. But you're right, Christian girls would get it.
I like the drink of water one best. *still chuckling*
Lisa, for what it's worth, compliments from a total stranger would broadside me too and I have been known to act in strange ways when surprised and made to blush: such as the time (I was much younger) when someone asked me what family I belonged to and I literally said I was (dad's name)'s oldest son. Oops. I mean, daughter.
Sheesh. I honestly don't think you can get much awkwarder than that. Yes, I am guilty of inventing a word and speaking with less than proper English...
37. John said the following at 12:13 PM on May 16:
I'm a little confused as to how you felt you "botched the connection" with these guys. All three of those guys sound like creepers, especially the Wal-Mart guy with the wife.
It sounds to me like you reacted the way any normal girl would - "you don't know me, so this is awkward."
Besides, "You have a nice set of eyes" isn't exactly "She walks in beauty, like the night, of cloudless climes and starry skies."
P.S. I don't think pick-up lines are a good way to meet people. How much do you really have to go on besides immediate physical attraction?
38. BDB said the following at 1:13 PM on May 16:
The five other instances Ted brings up in #31 are good examples. For those individuals who have seen God's guiding hand in those other situations in their life, Elisabeth Elliot's prayer instead of dating approach will probably work just fine.
39. Celebrindal said the following at 4:27 PM on May 16:
While not every guy who thinks of creative pick up lines is a jerk, a womanizer, or a stalker, it pays to be very careful. Let me tell you my story of one such incident. My brother and I went to the same college and rode together to class. I found him after class one day talking to a guy from his class. The next day, this guy gave my brother a rolled up paper with a gold ring around it to give to me. It was a poem he wrote about me...after meeting me once for about 2 minutes. I wasn't sure at first whether to be creeped out or flattered. I told myself not to be paranoid and talked to him a couple times (with my brother present). Upon hearing some of his views, I decided that he was a little too strange and said I wasn't interested. However, he started showing up outside my classes and at my workplace (a grocery store 40 miles away from the school...not a chance encounter) so I got a bit nervous and my brother told him to leave me alone. It turns out that I was right to be scared because a couple weeks after that he was arrested for kidnapping a girl at another school (at gunpoint and in broad daylight). He's in jail now and I'm so glad that he never caught me alone or it might have been me he kidnapped. The moral of the story is: If the hair stands up on the back of your neck when a guy talks to you, it may be for a reason.
40. Sheri said the following at 4:36 PM on May 16:
#28, that is awesome! Not to mention those could spark a conversation about where you are at spiritually.
41. SodiumPowered said the following at 4:43 PM on May 16:
Beliefs and their corresponding practices are so important to me, it is virtually unthinkable that I would meet a compatible someone outside of various church venues — such as at a grocery store. Thankfully, between the ministry where I work, my church, Christian websites, and various conferences and events I attend, I've been able to meet quite a few nice women.
If you're willing and wanting to meet nice Christian guys in the thoroughfares, you've got to have come grace and courage to explore. It doesn't mean you have to accept every offer, or feign delight over poor pickup lines. But a simple, "I'd be willing to go out if you're single and Christian," would eliminate a lot of the chaff, without offending any genuine Christian.
When you think about it, non-Christians and nominal (non-practicing) Christians don't have a lot of options for meeting nice people. Bars and clubs are popular, but when you think about it, even from a worldly standpoint these are not the ideal places to meet someone you'd want to spend the rest of your life with. So it's reasonable they would have to try more creative options, like tying their phone number to a key, etc. In that light, I don't think you should necessarily be creeped out by it; just cut them some slack.
42. LTR said the following at 8:32 PM on May 16:
Just a touch of humor to lighten things up a bit. Check out this group on Facebook called "I Appreciate Christian Pick-up lines"
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1355059861&ref=name#/group.php?gid=7174245379
43. Joseph Abraham said the following at 8:36 PM on May 16:
Pick up lines? No to cliche, but it works here and there. Its not my personality.
I wish there were more friendly people in church though. Most of the women I've encountered in church just aren't approachable.
44. Tee said the following at 9:20 PM on May 16:
You put the "cute" in persecution. ;)
45. Nicole Hearn said the following at 9:26 PM on May 16:
I think this topic is a good one, but that the answers are situational. I am the type who used to freeze up when anyone of the opposite sex expressed any sort of interest in me (mostly in high school). I think anyone who got the courage to bring up the topic was quickly frightened out of their minds. With adulthood, I've come to be a little bit more comfortable, and I think that, for the most part, I admire men who can make an effort and show courage. In a way, it gives me hope: that men are willing to initiate.
I'll admit it: I usually get the type of people attracted to me who are sugar daddies, men who have spent 4-5 years perfecting Pac-Man in mommy's basement, or who have spent 4-5 years in federal prison.
There have been a few very nice men who have asked me out, or used pick-up lines, and as long as they aren't the stalker type (I'm famous for attracting those, too), I usually always respect them more.
Although, I will say that the shy type is more my type, which is perhaps why I've never gone out with a guy who has used a pickup line on me.
Or it might have to do with the fact that none of them were saved.
At least, I don't think any of them were saved. To all of the women above me who have commented about the effortlessness of discerning a man's spiritual life in a few strategic questions, I stand in frank admiration: I've never managed to come up with any questions that discern the heart of that without seeming immediately creepy. When a guy uses a pick-up line, is he really asking for deep personality assessments and religious positions? Maybe part of why I've always said no is because it's easier to say no than to be embarrassed by trying to come up with creative ways to discover religious positions and beliefs.
But, mostly, I suppose, it has to do with the fact that I feel most drawn to people who are too shy to use a pickup line. So I'm talking in circles, and I'm back to situational appropriateness: maybe guys can sense, better than we girls, who will be most receptive to their pickup lines. And in such a case, I say, go for it.
46. Isa said the following at 9:41 PM on May 16:
BQB, what's Elisabeth Eliot's prayer?
1. "nice bible."
2. "is this pew taken?"
3. "how many times do I have to walk around you to make you fall for me?"
4. "how would you like to join my Purpose Driven Life?"
5. "you make me want to be a better Christian."
Check this out:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/group.php?gid=7174245379
47. Anna said the following at 9:51 PM on May 16:
Great topic!
My dad first saw my mom driving down the street in her hot '73 Ford mustang...he followed her home and found out where she lived. He left a note on her car that said, "I saw you driving down _____ Street today and want to get to know you, I also asked your neighbors about you and they said you were nice. - George" Well, he followed it up with a visit the next week, basically asking her out. She told him he could see her at church on Sundays or youth group on Wednesdays (he wasn't a Christian)! He did, and was saved shortly after. They got married a year later at 18, and 19 respectively.
There're going on 37 years!
So maybe it isn't so complicated after all?? :)
48. Some Dude said the following at 10:36 AM on May 17:
Continued from # 29...
5. Hey, baby. What's your love language?
6. So...you worship here often?
49. Carrie (the original) said the following at 12:55 PM on May 17:
Lisa - I understand the frustration. I have only two incidents similiar to yours.
One was where I got my oil changed. The other was at a brand new job. A guy the oil changed had, apparently, been eyeing me for about a year. The guy at the brand new job was a flat out "playa". Neither one received words of encouragement from me.
It's tough, especially when you would rather not be single. However, there is a certain amount of discernment you need to use if you want to steer clear of relationship drama. Every relationship has it's own drama, but if you lack discernment there is a whole other level of drama one will enter into.
So, Lisa, two thumbs up for not being pursuaded by cheesy pick-up lines. I'll be praying that your days of singleness end sooner rather than later.
50. Anna from Africa said the following at 2:15 PM on May 17:
I work in retail, and at the end of each transaction, I have to ask for the customer's "home telephone number". Quite frequently, guys will make cute remarks such as " yours first" or straight up ask me for my number.The quick and easy reply my supervisor helped m develop is "not today. Your number, please?" It helps me get over the awkwardness quickly. I don't mind though...it's pretty flattering and always an ego booster! :-)
51. Christopher from Albuquerque said the following at 3:04 PM on May 17:
I will never use a "pick-up line." I may honestly compliment a sister in Christ in whom I am interested, but I will not be doing it with a "pick-up line" intention. To help her know that I am seriously interested in her, I might well compliment her, but that would only be as the *prelude* to openly expressing my interest in her.
Then again, I openly expressed my interest to a woman in my church just two days ago, and I actually had high hopes... which did not come to pass. It's puzzling to me. She and I are in the same small group, and we both serve in the same church ministry. In the time that we have spent together, in the small group and serving together, we have had very good interactions. We think along very similar lines theologically, and also in terms of what we hope for the church to be like, as a Christ-centered, loving community.
However, when I expressed my interest to her, she said that she doesn't really know me. That was part of the idea for me-- that we would talk and get to know each other better, as a way of testing the water for anything more. She wasn't interested though. I'm trying not to take it *too* personally, but it's difficult, as she is one of the only single women at my church who is anywhere *near* my age (35-- 36 next month). I have thought about finding another church, but I am pretty deeply involved in this one and have good friends there. Maybe I need to pursue a younger Christian woman... that can be tricky too though, for many reasons... this Christian single life definitely can be challenging!
52. BDB said the following at 3:18 PM on May 17:
Isa (#46), Elisabeth Elliot's prayer-centric approach is summarized in this devotional. She has a few books on the subject that are also good reading. Quest for Love uses examples from the biographies of missionaries, many of whom never really "dated."
53. Kelly said the following at 9:01 PM on May 17:
It's difficult, knowing how to respond to the random-pickup.
Every so often, I'm asked out while randomly walking down the street. Sometimes it's sweet, other times it's more like, "You're beautiful! Can I take you home with me tonight?"
(Yes, that actually happened.) I tend to smile breezily, if they were funny rather than creepy I'll say, "Thanks but I can't," and keep walking.
My favourite street-pick-up-attempt happened in Paris. I was (wistfully) looking at wedding dresses in a shop window. A man came up to me, said bonjour, and then rattled off some French. I smiled, apologised for not understanding (using my own limited French), and the conversation switched to sign-language where he pointed to himself, then me, then made drinking motions to indicate coffee.
---
I wonder, sometimes, if I should be more open to these advances. I did join a man for coffee once after we had an actual conversation on the street, but we turned out to have very little in common at all.
54. brx said the following at 9:22 PM on May 17:
Re: Anna [#47],
Beautiful story of your parents! Thanks!
A friend of mine who was willing to get to know non-Christian guys on a 'just-friends' basis met a guy at work. He seemed to be following her around and so in her welcoming spirit (of Jesus) she invited this guy to some of her social get togethers and church gatherings (NOT her church singles group). [I should point out here ladies, just because a guy _seems_ to be following you around, it does NOT mean that he actually is. God can place two people in the same vacinity as often as He likes without either of them actually planning on it. I and others have been unjustly accused and it's really uncool - very immature on the part of the accuser.] Seeing how the living Spirit of Jesus actually affected her and the lives of friends, this guy was drawn progressively closer to Jesus. After several months, to our surprise, he asked to be baptized! It was really neat; a practically unconcious, without-an-agenda witnessing had been taking place! This guy grew pretty rapidly in his walk and within about a year, he and my friend were 'officially' dating. About 7mo later, they were engaged! And married about 3mo after that!
Grace, peace & adventure in welcoming the stranger!
...NOT welcoming-only-guys-that-look-like-I-could-date-'em, but welcoming the stranger...
55. farmer Tom said the following at 10:02 PM on May 17:
Back when I was a young man, in the olden days, I'd have walked on hot coals, broken glass and a bed of nails, just to meet a chick in a '73 stang. Forget the chick, that was a sweet car, man.
56. Trisha in AR said the following at 8:02 AM on May 18:
I think there are pick up lines that can be used in good taste and then others that are not. I remember being on the beach in Cancun and the line every guy used was 'nice shoes'. Huh? You don't wear shoes on the beach. :|
Comment 14, I agree. Doesn't necessarily have to be intended as a pick-up line as much as it is about enjoying life and the people around you.
If someone's love language is words of affirmation, it's nice to give them a smile for the day.:)
57. Jacquie said the following at 9:18 AM on May 18:
Lisa - I had a similar experience last week driving home from work. I was so shocked because stuff like this never happens to me.
I kind of panicked wondering what I should do to not blow a potential opportunity. Does this guy want my number? Is he just being silly? The whole thing made for a funny story but I sure wish I had a better instinct in how to respond in moments like that.
58. lorie said the following at 12:42 PM on May 18:
I enjoy getting compliments from men that I run into around town. For the most part they don't tend to lead anywhere, but it is nice. Now, I agree that some times it can be awkward—I don’t always have much more of a response than “thank you”—but that’s okay too :) A few years back I used to feel really uncomfortable when a stranger would compliment me, but then I realized that most men actually mean a compliment *surprise, surprise* as a compliment! They usually aren’t going around thinking “how can I make a woman feel uncomfortable today?”
I guess what I have learned is to give the guy the benefit of the doubt—it doesn’t have to lead to marriage, or even a date for that matter—but at least you get the chance to meet someone new. And isn’t that the spice of life? :)
59. emilykaye said the following at 12:51 PM on May 18:
This is a fun discussion!
I'm thinking back to youth group and the "Life on the Edge" study. If I remember correctly, Dr. and Mrs. Dobson used a few "pick-up" lines in their relationship.
Something about "Hey legs!" (she said to him)
And then, while flipping a coin, "I'll bet you a burger that I can guess heads or tails correctly." (either way he got to eat a burger with her).
I can't find my copy of the book at the moment, so the quotes may be a little off and I'm not sure if they already knew each other at the points when these happened.
Lisa, as to what to do in the situations....As a supervisor once told me in regards to how to respond to any strangers, pick up lines or not, trust your "creepy meter." Basically trust your gut. Since his advice I've paid closer attention to what "creeps me out." A word of warning, check your creepy meter if its only setting off alarms for one type of person. Question your assumptions. If its equal opportunity alarming, trust it. Hope that makes sense.
60. Ronnica said the following at 1:08 PM on May 18:
I would have totally handled it like you. I don't by it. If they're interested in me by just seeing me, chances are it's not my godly character shining that they're looking at.
Rightly or wrongly, I'm a pretty closed off person so I don't get a lot of this (though I did when I worked at Walmart). I usually respond by being overly cool, which might not be great either.
As far as Christians using this practice, I'd be totally turned off by it for the reason I mentioned above. How does he know that I'm a godly woman? Or maybe, it doesn't matter, because that's not what he's looking for?
61. Elizabeth (from Canada) said the following at 2:03 PM on May 18:
I, like several others on this blog, don't know what to do when a guy uses a pick-up line on me. Thankfully it hasn't happened too often, as I find it very distressing. I always feel sorry for the poor guy, too, as I become all flustered and my ability to use the English language quickly disappears. On the other hand, compliments are always nice, although still somewhat embarrassing (mostly because I never know how to respond). But, yeah, I always assume the guys are non-Christian (fairly or unfairly). I don't know why - I guess I just figure Christian guys would first want to know if a girl was a Christian before asking her for her phone number. So, those Christian pick-up lines might work, eh? :)
62. Sarah P. said the following at 2:49 PM on May 18:
I'm with brx and Lorie. I'm always good to have a conversation with somebody, so long as the "creepy meter" (emily kaye, #59) isn't blaring red alert. I like to shoot up a little prayer for grace, no matter whom I'm talking to, and then meet people where they're at. I believe in courtesy and honesty in combination.
Ex: There is a mentally handicapped man who works at a Starbucks I frequent. He habitually hits on all the women in a harmless way. The other day, he approached me and announced in a loud voice, "So, honey, how about you and me, we go for a ride on my bike!" (motorcycle). To which I replied instantly, "My name isn't 'honey'; it's Sarah. How are you today?" And we talked for a bit, until another employee apologetically ushered him away.
It's all a balance, isn't it? -- one we definitely cannot maintain ourselves.
63. Anna said the following at 4:50 PM on May 18:
Let me just start by saying that my parents met at a gas station. I don't know that my dad dropped a super-smooth pickup line, but he definitely asked for her number and she did not shoot him down. They have been happily married for more than thirty years, provide a wonderful model of a godly marriage, and love to tell their story.
Of course a lot of things have changed since the 70s, but still. I don't think it a problem to spend a few minutes chatting with a stranger if he does not make me uncomfortable. I'm generally not comfortable receiving comments about my body. Sometimes the guy does not make me uncomfortable, but I am still paralyzed by awkwardness. However, my sense of humor tends to be a little sarcastic and sometimes I manage to get in a witty response. I don't think that responding to a pick-up line is equivalent to agreeing to enter into a relationship with someone anymore than dropping a pick-up line is equivalent to asking someone to start a relationship so I don't think or worry too much about these exchanges. Generally they amount to nothing more than a story to tell the friends.
64. Kellie said the following at 5:38 PM on May 18:
I've never heard a pick-up line directed towards me, but I don't think I missed anything.
65. a sassy sister said the following at 9:54 PM on May 18:
Ted, you wrote:
I'm not picking on you, Keith. This concept affirming passivity toward relationships, as though such passivity is an expression of deference to the Lord's sovereignty, is one of the big lies of our generation. This concept that marriage is a betrayal of single-minded devotion to the Lord, that getting married is merely succumbing to our sexual desires and is therefore accepting less than God's best, is another of the big lies of our generation.
Ted, I believe that BOTH marriage and singles are assets to the kingdom of God. Yes, there is teaching out there that encourages passivity. But the issues is the motive and character of the person receiving teaching. There are plenty of people that have taken the message that you should be active in your pursuit of your spouse to the point of demonstrating absolute desperation, hinging their absolute happiness and contentment on being married. Please understand I am not pinning marriage against singleness; both are wonderful states. What I am against is the thinking that if I do _________, or I get _________, then I'll be happy," and unfortunately, in some instances, I have seen too many of my single girlfriends heartbroken and compromising their faith because they have hinged their world and happiness on getting married.
And honestly, marriage is for while we are here on earth. There are benefits and blessings to be enjoyed on earth in marriage, absolutely. But they fit into God's purposes and to show the world what His love looks like. As far as single-minded devotion goes to the Lord, Paul was not attacking marriage in that light but letting the church know what the priorities for a single and a married person were. Bottom line: If I look to anything other than Christ to declare and affirm my identity and worth, I will be utterly dissappointed and desolate when reality hits.
66. Marie said the following at 10:15 PM on May 18:
I don't think it would necessarily be such a bad thing for a man to approach a woman he sees in the mall. Afterall, there are other things he may have noticed and liked about her BESIDES "hotness", for example:
1) she just came out of a Christian bookstore carrying a brand new ESV Study Bible,
or 2) she is wearing a T-shirt from the church his mom goes to,
or 3) he observed her purchasing tennis equipment and is himself an avid tennis player,
or 4) she is whistling the theme song to a TV show he really likes,
or 5) she was just talking to someone he DOES know,
or 6) he observed her respond gracefully when someone else's kid spilled ice cream on her in the food court...
or 7) hey, maybe God appeared to him in a dream the night before and told him to marry the woman he would see at the mall that day. :)
67. Trisha in AR said the following at 8:32 AM on May 19:
Christopher (#51),
I agree. The Christian single life definitely has its challenges.
I'm sorry to hear about what happened. I'm sure it was a huge disappointment for you. Continuing in your church would be tough, but allow God to direct your path. Either she'll come back around or God has someone else in mind. In the meantime, you should feel good about stepping out and taking a chance. One of these days, it's going to land you an incredible godly woman.:)
68. Jo said the following at 9:18 AM on May 19:
Ronnica #60 said:
"If they're interested in me by just seeing me, chances are it's not my godly character shining that they're looking at."
A few people have said things like this. Are guys not allowed to be attracted to anything besides our godly character?
I do get the point - and as I said I struggle with that myself when a guy approaches me - I immediately assume he's not a Christian and worry about responding in case he thinks I'm interested and all the rest of it.
But if guys are supposed to initiate, and if they're supposed to take risks, and if they see an attractive girl who seems like someone they'd like to talk to (you can tell a lot more by watching someone than just what they look like), then why shouldn't they be friendly and start a conversation? If the girl turns out not to be a Christian, they don't have to take it further. And likewise - if a guy approaches you who isn't a Christian, you're not signing the marriage papers by chatting to him for a few minutes.
I have a friend who talks to everyone as if they're old friends. Like, seriously everyone - the lady at the checkout, the guy walking his dog on the other side of the road, everyone. He'll just chat openly and easily and while they're often a little taken aback at first, they usually visibly relax quite quickly. I would LOVE it if more people in the world were like that. Wouldn't life be more fun if we were able to just say hello to people we didn't know and it wasn't a big weird thing? I know we have to be conscious of safety. But people are fascinating, and most of them are not dangerous! Why are we so scared of making contact? Again, I'm asking myself that as much as anyone else! We are after all supposed to be salt and light to the world. It's hard to be that if we bury ourselves in a protective shell all the time.
69. CS said the following at 11:09 AM on May 19:
Here is the real question: When is Boundless going to start their very own dating service? Seriously... all these like-minded, similar-aged, single folk? A shame to let such a good opportunity pass by, I think!
Small Aside: I am partly kidding, but only partly. I do realize there are many implications of starting something like this... but don't tell me no one else out there is thinking about it!
70. Rachael said the following at 11:35 AM on May 19:
Someone who seems to just notice someone's looks may be noticing the demeanor...might not be just 'the photographic looks' in and of themselves....
I can notice demeanors about people. Like I can notice the demeanors of some old women. Some of them have really kind demeanors, and I like this. I hope to have a kind demeanor when I'm an 'old woman'. Oh wait...I'm kind-of old now...
71. Sarah P. said the following at 11:36 AM on May 19:
Jo (#68) said: But people are fascinating, and most of them are not dangerous! Why are we so scared of making contact?
Maybe because people are unpredictable? Because they tear us out of our illusion of control simply by existing. And if we're not in control -- then, heck, we're gonna die some day! It's a little scary.
But perfect love casts out fear, and only God can give us that perfect love. So... if we (A) spend more time with God, (B) think less of ourselves, and (C) practice love to others... then life gets a lot more fun. :) :) And we are gonna die, no two ways around it, so we might as well have more joy with it while we're here.
72. Christopher from Albuquerque said the following at 12:05 AM on May 21:
Trisha in AR (#67),
Thank you for the encouragement, my sister in Christ. I do *hope* that God has a wife for me, but as I get older, I am learning to accept that that *may* not be the case.
A few things that I didn't mention in my previous comment are that I have a physical disability, am not able to drive, and use a wheelchair for much of my "getting around." The woman who will consider marrying a man in my situation seems quite rare-- even among Christian women (I will not initiate with a non-Christian woman)-- and then there is still the fact of the scarcity of single women close to my age in my church.
All of this is to say that while I am still *hoping* and *praying* that God will bring a serious Christian woman into my life (not that I should be passive about it!), the fact is, not every Christian who desires to marry ultimately *is* married. That may be the case for me. I hope not, but I must be open to the possibility that what God wants for me in this area may be different from what I want (although ultimately, I *do* want God's will for my life, whatever that is). I don't think I'll completely accept that life-long singleness is God's will for me though, unless and until I am still single on my deathbed!
73. MarkS said the following at 11:02 PM on Jun 3:
What's all this "wrong thing to look for" bit? Naturally you don't want some one ogling you in a vulgar manner. But we are talking about someone who you (if all else pans out) will have physical intimacy with. So what's wrong with acting on a "hey she's cute" reaction? You don't know if she's a believer until you ask. But ya gotta say something.
Case in point: I recently stopped at Focus for a prayer walk around the campus that apparently got rained out. Having never been there before and stumbling on an employee entrance there was a man and woman conversing just inside. I tapped the window and the man came out and I asked about the walk and such. But the point is the dark haired woman inside not 20' away had a smile that radiated gentle sweetness with the power of the sun. I did/said nothing. But what does a guy do to say "hey you" in a polite respectful manner? Perhaps Christian intentions are worse. What I mean is that to the world "hey ya wanna?" is trivial. But "I think you are potentially my wife and mother of my children" must understandably seem momentus to any woman who understands what it means!
I do believe that God will direct any mate into one's path. But a Godly spouse is a GIFT, and we must be always ready to act upon any blessing no matter the type.
Even if He wants me to be married, He's not gonna cause a dove to descend upon her and say "this is your mate, with whom you should be well pleased".
Godly women? Please! If the "line" is lame but not obviously vulgar, give him a chance to recover, please?
74. Andrea-Elena said the following at 1:52 PM on Sep 22:
Purely for humor -- nothing more, nothing less:
Polar Bear Pick-up Line