Titus 2 for Single Women
by Heather Koerner on 05/08/2009 at 9:08 AM
I was perusing a new blog, Girls Gone Wise, and found a really interesting article by Carolyn McCulley (a frequent Boundless contributor) titled, "Single and Fully Feminine."
In the article, Carolyn shares her struggle to determine exactly what biblical femininity looks like as a single woman.
"Because the Lord made the woman to be a helper, the contours of biblical femininity are usually sculpted through relationships with others - as wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt. Though I am definitely a daughter, sister, and aunt, I am not (yet) a wife or mother. But I know that God created me female in his own image, and that he has given me this gift of singleness in this season of my life. These are not mutually exclusive concepts, but sometimes I still wrestle with how to express them both to the glory of God."
Carolyn writes about how hearing a series on Titus 2 made her realize something -- of the seven qualities that Paul urges older women to teach to younger women in Titus 2, only two of those are exclusively for married women (love your husband and be subject to him) and one for mothers (love your children).
"That leaves at least four for all women, married or single. Despite my marital status, I was to be self-controlled, pure, busy at home, and kind."
I could really relate. Because Titus 2 includes instructions about husbands and children, I've often thought of it as instructions to young wives and young mothers. Or, even, as something to learn for a future life as a wife or mother.
But, as Carolyn points out, there are instructions there for all young women, right here, right now. Self-control. Purity. An orientation toward and work within the home. Kindness.
But Carolyn doesn't stop there. She writes that just because she is not a wife and mother (yet), there are still things to learn in the other three qualities.
"Love your husband": Carolyn points out that "because of all the worldly junk [she] had imbibed on the topics of feminism and relationships," she felt it important to read books and attend seminars on a biblical view of marriage. Not only does this bless a possible future husband, she writes, but it has practical purposes now:
"I believe I can serve my married sisters best by shoring up their marriages. In our conversations and with my observations of their lives, I want to be able to help my married friends think biblically about their marriages and to think the best of their husbands. To unbelievers, I want to be prepared to explain the mystery of Christ and the church in the institution of marriage."
"Love your children": Carolyn writes,
"Whether or not we actually give birth, women are called to nurture the new life around us in various ways. Before I became a Christian, I was not very interested in children. I assumed I might have children one day, but I was oblivious to the children around me and did not care to spend any time with them. This is one area where God has made a tremendous change in my life. Over the years, I have had rich relationships with many children. The Lord has also given me evangelism opportunities with children."
And though Carolyn doesn't address submission, I know I could have benefitted greatly when single by really wrestling with specific passages in the Word that speak about the different roles of women and men.
The article was an effective reminder that Titus 2 is talking to all of us.
1. beatrice81 said the following at 8:20 PM on May 9:
Carolyn might think of herself as a "helper" first and foremost, but she doesn't speak for me (or many women I know). I'm not much interested in being a follower, I'm more the trailblazer type.
2. Rachael said the following at 11:20 PM on May 9:
re #1
Wouldn't it be cool, though, if the trailblazers in life (and not only in marriage contexts) were actually servants who didn't really think (or tried not to think) about their dynamite trail-blazing skills? I have much need to grow in the area of self-sacrifice. But humble acts of self-sacrifice are admirable aren't they?
It's neat when humility and self-sacrifice can be noticed in others, and regardless of whether one is a leader or follower, or a little of each, it would be a great ideal to hold, even if the person falls short in those areas.
3. BDB said the following at 12:07 AM on May 10:
beatrice81 - I would encourage you to check out the book WHAT OUR MOTHERS DIDN'T TELL US: Why Happiness Eludes the Modern Woman by Danielle Crittendon.
Available from Amazon.
4. Tami said the following at 2:32 PM on May 10:
Living a life of service does not mean you are a "follower", and humility does not equal servility (which, again, is different than having an attitude of service towards others). And having a strong vision, and the willingness to step forward into that, need not be an individualistic endeavor.
Great leaders are servants at heart. Jim Collins' book Good to Great shows that humility plays a key part in leading an organization to success. And let's not forget our greatest Leader, Jesus Christ -- not to get too "cute," but before ascending to the throne, He blazed a radical countercultural trail straight to the cross, for our sakes.
Not only that, but let's not downgrade followers too much. If you are leading and want to achieve a great goal, you *need* followers to help accomplish that goal. And besides, you might eventually turn behind you to look for them, and find that they're actually alongside you, working as partners.
5. Louise from Chicago said the following at 4:33 PM on May 10:
I'm not a helper either.
And comment 3, I am familiar with the work you referenced, and I assure you, my mother told me all of that!
Bless her though, I am convinced she did the best she could!
6. Heather Koerner said the following at 12:02 PM on May 11:
beatrice81 (#1):
When Carolyn references being a "helper," she's simply referencing biblcal fact.
As for being a follower, maybe give it some more thought. It's certainly praised in God's Word.
7. RF said the following at 5:52 PM on May 11:
Thanks for the reminder that even as a single, Titus 2 applies to me and that I can encourage my married friends in strengthening their marriages. I desire to be a picture of biblical femininity, even as a single woman without kids.
8. a sassy sister said the following at 10:52 PM on May 11:
After reading the original blog post, I was, at first glance, ready to write a scathing comment highlighting the issues that are nagging at me. It wasn't the idea hat a woman should cultivate these virtues. It just made me wonder:
Is the church demanding that its acceptance and community for its women be bonded through being a wife and mother? How do singles fit into that community without feeling like the pariahs?
Do you believe that women belong in the kitchen and should be trained not to have any professional aspirations that would take them away from the home?
9. Sarah P. said the following at 7:53 AM on May 12:
I have found that it's not much fun to blaze trails by myself. If that's what God wants for me, I'm not afraid, but I'd much rather help someone else.
10. Rachael said the following at 5:37 PM on May 12:
Different people have different personalities. I think I used to be more trail-blazingish even though I could often be quiet. I'd at least have trail-blazing streaks in my spirit and used to frequently think of doing 'big' 'cool' things....
Interesting that I see that streak in my husband. I'd rather he have that quality than me, if I had to choose one of us...
11. Wendy said the following at 7:02 AM on May 15:
"Because the Lord made the woman to be a helper, the contours of biblical femininity are usually sculpted through relationships with others."
More specifically, the Lord made Eve to be Adam's helper. When God created Eve, he created her suitable and fitting for her husband. Likewise, when God created Adam, he created him with a need for her (It is not good for man to be alone).
Interestingly, though the word "helper" is predominantly applied to God in the OT. That is, when Israel cried out for help, they were crying out to the One competent and strong enough to provide assistance.
Therefore, when God called Eve Adam's helper, he bestowed on her a worthy title.