Photo Fear
by Lisa Anderson on 05/22/2009 at 2:30 PM
A friend of mine sent me this link a couple of weeks ago, accompanied by the comment, "When I was in high school, I thought I was so ugly that I never was in pictures and I totally regret it." She hated camera lenses. She hated the way she looked.
The men reading this post are probably already perplexed by it, while the women are even now bursting into tears. It is so true. Many of us have lost huge chunks of our history due to "photo fear." We see ourselves in photos and think, "Ugh. I look terrible. I'll lose 20 pounds, cut my hair, wait for my acne to clear up, get braces, wait for the next solar eclipse, ___________ [fill in the blank], and then I'll start being in pictures again." We promise ourselves, pinky-swear, cross-our-hearts-and-hope-to-die, but the next thing we know, we're ten years older and not a bit bolder. And as the above blogger notes, guess what? We look ten years older to boot. Double whammy. I have almost nothing from my college years documented on film. In part this was because I ran around like a madwoman, living the life of an overachiever and overcommitter, only to wake up one day, diploma in hand and future before me. But vanity and photo fear came into play, too. I think I only had about four months of my senior year where I felt somewhat pretty. Four months out of four years -- what an unbelievable tragedy. I loved my college experience. But I have no photos to prove it. I've taken (and been in) more photos in recent years thanks to digital photography and a newfound posing prowess. Any woman who has staged her own photo shoot for the purpose of online dating sites or Facebook photo albums knows what I'm talking about. We've learned how to stand with one foot forward, one hip turned and one arm bent to streamline our silhouettes. We have doctorate degrees in how to suck in, twist, elevate and hide any number of body parts for maximum presentation. Trust me, Annie Leibovitz has nothing on us. But the fact remains: we need to get a grip. We need to reclaim our photo opps, both for our sakes and the sakes of our grandchildren. Ladies, I need a witness here! And guys, we need support! Or do you suffer from photo fear as well? Please let us know. Thanks to Facebook, I've reconnected with some college friends who have shared their photos. In a spirit of reckless abandon, I'm posting a photo of me in my college glory days. So guys and gals, let's not be afraid to jump in the picture. And when you do, pull someone along with you. Here's a start: this weekend as you're out and about, take a photo of yourself in action. Then send it to us and we may post it as a declaration of freedom. Let's take back our history, folks, and shed our photo fear. Start snapping! I look positively ridiculous (I'm surprised I didn't start a fire with those glasses), but I am so grateful to have this photo in my stash. There are tons of memories associated with it.
1. Marc said the following at 3:22 PM on May 22:
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I have a medical disorder that left me with a disfigured mouth since birth. I am no "pretty boy", but life is so stinkin' short, so I try to get into as many photo-ops as possible.
Let the good times roll, ladies and gentleman! If you get a photo-op, jump on it like a runaway horse! :-)
Grace, mercy, and joy!
2. DannieA said the following at 3:54 PM on May 22:
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wow, I must be a freak, because I always took pictures, was in pictures and I looked awful!!!!
wannabe gangsta in private school (high school)...you know, hat backwards, big shades, silver rings on each finger, dog tags...(yeah I know, weird)
sports
college, I was more into finding urban legends and photographing my adventures in the state of texas than on my wardrobe which was awful.
Now I'm forced to take pictures and sometimes it's weird because I pose, and then delete...pose again....delete...then pose...ok that was a good picture.
I totally didn't make sense huh? oh well so be it!
3. Kari said the following at 4:10 PM on May 22:
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Ah....In four years of college, I have managed to avoid being in all but grand total of MAYBE 8 pictures.
I have 4ish surviving photos from all three years of high school..... all of them from dances. It's really hard to want to be in pictures. I still hate it.
4. Rachael Starke said the following at 4:54 PM on May 22:
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I wonder if one factor people in their twenties have in their "favor" is the use of digital photography over old-school film. When I was in high-school (twentieth reunion this week - yes, I am that much older than most of you guys, but theoretically wiser, too. ;)), we only had regualar film that was semi-expensive to shoot and print. So we put up with a lot more bad pictures of ourselves. These days, digital cameras and cheap paper mean you can click and delete indefinitely, let alone use touchup tool to trim and airbrush and whatever else.
I wonder too, about the difference between girls who "blossomed" after high school, vs. those who peaked in, say, tenth grade. I was in the former category, with a bad decade in my teens, steady improvement in my twenties and early thirties (even while having kids) and now, sadly, am beginning a long downward slope that won't stop until Jesus comes back. :) I find as I get older and more mature in my understanding of my identity in Christ, the less I care both about all the trauma I went through in high school because of my appearance, and about the gradual loss of whatever physical attractiveness I had in my twenties. This Christmas, I even went so far as to send out a Christmas picture of my family that featured me with a giant (no exaggeration) zit on my chin. Honestly, it was Rachael the Red-Chinned Reindeer. But no digital tool I tried worked, so out it went.
Maybe I'll send it to add to your collection. :)
5. Rachael said the following at 5:39 PM on May 22:
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Youngsters are lucky for digital cameras to be so prevalent. I used a film camera for too long...I may have even ended up throwing some undevelopped but used rolls away. I even invested in a nice SLR film camera, probably at age 23-24 or so. Unfortunately. I would love to use it at times if it were digital. But I don't want to pay for film or the developping of it...Ah, well...
I think when I was in Japan I asked a teacher there what it is that shows age. She said something about the eyes and how they lose their sparkle or something...Oh. But having eyes are blessings!
On a picture taking note...I'm not a posing expert at all :). But it's so cool that some people can be experts at it! :)
How do they learn...maybe practice pose, shoot, again? Practice, pose, shoot? :) Or maybe they study all their friends' cool shots. This digital age would lend itself well to posing practice...It's easy to erase!
6. Andrea-Elena said the following at 6:28 PM on May 22:
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I used to HATE having my picture taken... for any reason.
Photos of me in action... So my screenshots of stills of me, found on Facebook, don't count. OK... I can do that! A "montage" assignment. Fun, fun!!!
Gotta charge up the digi-camera before the church picnic on Sunday. I'm sure that will afford a plethora of photographic (though not necessarily photogenic) opps! =P
7. BDB said the following at 8:20 PM on May 22:
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I had a friend who disliked having her picture taken. However, since she was unable to disuade people, she developed the practice of putting on a "stage smile" she used in dancing recitals whenever she saw a camera whipped out. The result was that, for the most part, she always looked happy in pictures.
I definitely think the advent of free digital photography resulted in a generational change. I think I have 5-6 undeveloped rolls of film around here somewhere. I'm not even sure where I can develop them. They are years old. One doesn't waste film that costs money.
But today...man, I know someone is in their 20's if they are tagged in 463 facebook pictures...
8. Adam T. said the following at 9:13 PM on May 22:
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The men reading this post are probably already perplexed by it
Are you kidding me? You think men, or boys, aren't self-conscious too?
9. Leah said the following at 11:42 PM on May 22:
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I've never had a problem having photos taken. Sure in highschool I went through stages where I felt less than pretty, I still do, but it never crossed my mind to jump out of a picture because I felt too ugly for it. That's not what photos were for- they were for capturing the fun we were having!!
Rachael Starke- I think your reasoning (that your generation was more likely to take "unattractive" photos because you didn't have the luxury of deleting them) is actually backwards. Most young people these days are quite happy to take photos pulling weird faces or doing something stupid because they know they can take another "proper" photo- but the stupid photos will still make their way into photo albums and onto facebook. I know that before digital photography became popular (yes I'm 21 and still vividly remember that era- I had a film camera for all my highschool years!) we were a lot more careful to pose and smile and look nice.
My mum's graduation dress from when she was in highschool was made by her mother. Mum didn't really like it but didn't take any photos. Now she regrets it because she doesn't have any photos of her grade 12 formal. (Equivalent of prom).
10. khalil said the following at 12:05 AM on May 23:
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Unless I have to (or been "blackmailed" or some other exception) I try to never be in photos...love taking them but *hate* being on the receiving end of things.
11. Mike said the following at 6:54 AM on May 23:
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Adam T. (#8) wrote:
Are you kidding me? You think men, or boys, aren't self-conscious too?
Heh, heh...I remember looking at my school pictures as a child and thinking, "Ack! What a dork! Look at those Dumbo ears!"
Thing is, I'm 42 now...and I still have Dumbo ears. But that's okay. Keeps the rain off my shoulders.
;-)
12. Mike said the following at 6:56 AM on May 23:
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Oh, and Lisa...I don't think your college photo looks ridiculous. I think you're cute.
So there.
:-P
13. Ryan said the following at 1:00 PM on May 23:
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Pictures are a very sore spot for me. I have the worst phobia ever when it comes to pictures. I will not allow a single one be taken of me. The only exception is when I have to have it taken (ID badges etc.) Other than that I will not tolerate a single picture.
Here is usually what happens when I see a camera/phone pointed in my direction or general area:
1. I warn the person nicely to not even point the camera at me and do not take a picture
2. I warn them as to what will happen if they choose to take a picture anyway
3. If they take a picture I will ask them to delete it immediately (I will watch them do it)
4. If they do not delete it I will ask for the phone/camera so I can delete it myself
5. If they still resist I will take the camera/phone by force (or some other drastic measure) to delete the picture (yes, if I break it I buy it but that hasn't happened to me yet)
About half of the people are respectful and I never have to get past step 2. However, there are those people who think they are being cute by crossing the line. That is a huge miscalculation on their part. Yes, I am very very bad when it comes to pictures. It is something that I will probably never get over and its like I become another person when I see another camera around. It is mostly a result of a bad childhood experience with cameras and pictures (I won't get into any of that.) I haven't yet come across another person that is half as bad as me when it comes to pictures. I currently have virtually no pictures of me from age 19-26. I am rather thankful for that because I have photo albums of myself when I was younger that my family assembled that I wish I could burn and forget but my family would probably disown me for that.
Yes, so I have proven that there is at least 1 male out there that does not like pictures with a passion. I really cannot imagine myself having any regret later in life about it. It is just a phobia that I actually feel comfortable with in my life and don't find it to be a huge issue because I don't have to deal with it that often anyways.
14. Hayley said the following at 5:23 PM on May 23:
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I'm 21 and will definitely take this blog to heart. I hate pictures, and usually discourage them but won't refuse. I will try to not take it so seriously because I do want to have some documentation of my last years at college, which I really am enjoying! Thanks for this :)
15. Makayla said the following at 8:21 PM on May 23:
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Ryan,
I was so sad reading your post regarding your picture-phobia. You seem so comfortable in it, but have you ever considered whether you're called out of this "comfort zone"? Not only for yourself, but for others. My uncle died at age 21 (before I was born) and wasn't in many pictures, mainly because he was always taking them. To this day, my mom (his sister) regrets not having him in more pictures. Right now, you may not foresee yourself regretting this, but others inevitably will.
16. Ryan said the following at 11:35 PM on May 23:
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Makayla #15:
I can see your point. With the information that you were given you may see me as selfish. I guess I just don't see the benefit in pictures. To make a long story short I had a rough upbringing that involved a lot of torment. Pictures were actually utilized in some of that torment. Since pictures are not a must have in life for me I never really felt the guilt in what I have done. I believe that I do not feel any guilt is because my family is at least partially responsible for cultivating and embedding this attitude towards pictures at a very young age. I have never really felt any real calling to get past the phobia (Note: if anyone knows the actual name of a phobia that is related to this please post it because I have tried looking this up and come up empty handed.) I know that my family is going to hate not having any pictures but I guess that I fail to see how damaging that this could actually be for them. Thanks for the post and I will definitely think of what you said but I really don't see myself changing anytime soon.
17. Kelly said the following at 7:00 PM on May 24:
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This is something I totally don't identify with. My family and friends LOVE getting dressed up. As a result, there are thousands of pictures of us, at all ages, in various ridiculous outfits. (My favourites are when we all dressed up for STAR WARS.)
Yes, there are some bad photos of me, but for the most part, I made sure I smiled big for the camera, even if I knew I had a huge zit on my chin. The smile makes all the difference.
I totally live the "think like a model, look like a model" approach. ;) (Just without the airbrushing and the scary-thinness!) Ordinary people are beautiful!
18. Leah said the following at 11:10 PM on May 24:
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Hi Ryan
I understand from your comment that you really really hate photos. But is it really a phobia? Please be careful using this word. It may well be a phobia, but I do like to warn people about using this word because usually when someone uses it, they're actually mis-using it. A phobia is an illogical fear which results in serious, often physical reactions- hyperventilation, dizziness, even coronary problems. It's not just screaming and smacking a spider in the shower or flapping your hands about your head when a moth flies past. I have a friend with a phobia of grasshoppers. She usually won't scream but even if she's in the same room as one, she will get dizzy, lightheaded and hyperventilate. She knows it's "stupid" but she can't help it.
Please note that I'm not telling you that you don't have a phobia. Just requesting that you reassess your use of the word. By all means, if you believe it's really a phobia, continue to use the word.
19. Paxton said the following at 8:18 AM on May 25:
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Though I hurt for your past pain, I'm inclined to agree with you on the issue of necessity, Ryan. =P People held on to a lot of history before cameras were invented ^_^
(I enjoy having old pictures to look at -- enjoy it tremendously, because I am so nostalgic...but not as nostalgic as I used to be...those were the good old days...)
20. brx said the following at 2:44 PM on May 25:
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A couple things I've learned and hope others will:
Usually if a friend is wanting to take a picture that includes you, then it's a high compliment - something about you and that moment that they genuinely appreciate and want to remember. Please be gracious enough to receive that compliment.
If a friend wants to take a picture that includes you and you refuse by telling them no or that you don't look good, that's an insult. It's an insult because you're basically telling that person they have bad taste and/or you don't trust that they care about you as a person. ...to a guy or girl that might be interested in dating you, you might be revealing that you have a pretty serious insecurity issue(s)....which will either turn them off (rightly) or attract an oppositely unhealthy 'rescuer' personality.
Grace, peace & adventures with security in Chirst alone
21. Blue Sarah said the following at 5:26 AM on May 28:
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I actually like having my photo taken, but not so as you'd know. I'm not particularly photogenic and usually people don't ask to include me in their photo (even when I'm standing right there, so I usually feign a keen interest in a nearby picture frame or what have you) I see it as a compliment when they do.
22. obewan said the following at 6:46 AM on May 28:
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I don't have a fear of being photographed. I have a fear of bad photos being displayed.
For me, it usually is a 50-50 crapshoot. Sometimes the photos come out great, and sometimes they are a disaster.
I hate it when the disaster shots end up on the singles bulletin board at church. But, I suppose, people know what I look like in real life, and see me in person all the time. The only thing I can do to change is to make my best effort at good grooming. Which reminds me I need a haircut. My head looks like Einstein's right now.
23. MarkS said the following at 8:30 PM on Jun 11:
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Why is it, the more beautiful women obsess the most?
Maybe I'm just wierd, but I think that college pic is cute! :)
I hate to be so shallow, but their are multitudes of people I wish would care more about their appearance.