More on Photo Fear
by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin on 05/28/2009 at 1:00 PM
I appreciated Lisa's recent post on photo fear.
This is an affliction I suffered from for years. My "awkward stage" lasted from age 11 to my junior year of college. Yes, it was painful.
I suppose I don't regret those missed photo ops. After all, a dad who loves his camera ensured much of the awkwardness would be captured for posterity. But now when I look back, I realize my appearance was not as grim as I imagined at the time.
As Lisa pointed out, Facebook has a way of exposing (no pun intended) some of the worst moments captured on film. Google image, too. Take, for example, this photo from my junior year, that haunts me on google image. (To be honest, this photo is not as bad as the one I attempted to post. But legally I couldn't post a photo with other people in it.) I had those bangs for years. Now I wonder why I didn't grow them out sooner ... much sooner.
I'm reminded of these words from Ecclesiastes: "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven" (3:1). Me feeling insecure in front of the camera was reflective of a season of timidity as God was shaping my identity. I eventually grew into myself and became less worried about what others thought of me or looking bad in a photo. I've even been a model for some of my friends who are amateur photographers.
My photo journey reminds me of how far the Lord has brought me in the areas of security and finding my identity in Him. One thing I've realized is that as I become less self-conscious (self-focused), I have a greater capacity to reach out to others. I'm thankful for the ways I have changed in the almost 10 years since I graduated from college. Yes, I still occasionally cringe at a picture someone posts of me on Facebook. But I also know where my beauty comes from—God's work in my life.
1. Dan Gill said the following at 1:40 PM on May 28:
I always hated to have my picture taken, because I never liked how I looked. It's only in the past few years that I have stopped worrying about that. Now I'm gray and balding and overweight. I don't particularly like those things, but they really don't mean much.
Sometimes we just can't get really comfortable in front of a camera. My wife is beautiful, but she does not photograph well. It's because she THINKS she doesn't photograph well. It doesn't matter. She's still beautiful.
2. brx said the following at 1:43 PM on May 28:
Wow, I think most women obsess waaay too much over their looks. Suzanne, you're still quite cute with the bangs! (also, bangs can help prevent receding hairline that can come with continuously pulling hair back tightly)
I'm glad you're sensing that security of God's love. ...I seem to recall someone saying not long ago that you were about ready... :)
Grace, peace & adventure!
3. mindlab said the following at 2:03 PM on May 28:
"Me feeling insecure. . . was reflective of a season of timidity as God was shaping my identity. I eventually grew into myself and became less (insecure). . ."
Excellent. I'd never thought of it that way, but I see it's true. My 'awkward' stage also lasted longer than I thought was fair (13-21), but looking back I see that God used those years to shape me in many ways.
Also, just 'cause it ain't in vogue doesn't mean it ain't cute; I think the bangs are cute.
4. Heather Koerner said the following at 2:15 PM on May 28:
Suzanne,
Does this mean the whole team needs to post their embarassing junior high photos? I had bangs too, except they defied gravity. :)
5. Suzanne Hadley said the following at 2:35 PM on May 28:
I like the advice one friend gave me when I turned 30:
"My 30s have been the best years of my life. I finally got over myself."
Amen!
6. BDB said the following at 2:39 PM on May 28:
I'm wondering why the picture is named "Bruces3." Three what?
7. Suzanne Hadley Gosselin said the following at 2:49 PM on May 28:
Bruce's third picture. Bruce Moore, photographer.
8. BDB said the following at 3:03 PM on May 28:
Ooooh...thought it might be Bruce's Picnic...
9. Suzanne Hadley said the following at 3:19 PM on May 28:
By the way, you guys are so kind and affirming. Maybe I need to get bangs again!
10. Cassandra said the following at 3:45 PM on May 28:
I think when it comes to our looks or our photogenecity (is that a word?) we're our own worst critics.
11. Jo said the following at 3:54 PM on May 28:
Hahaha Suzanne, I used to have hair JUST like yours. Only in England we don't call them bangs, we call it a fringe. :)
12. BDB said the following at 3:59 PM on May 28:
Has anyone done a study on how hair products from the 80's contributed to climate change?
13. Natasha said the following at 4:23 PM on May 28:
Hi Suzanne,
Just wanted to let you know that you looked lovely in that picture. I was one of those with gravity defying bangs (mushroom cut and tortoise shell glasses too) and I definitely would prefer your pics to mine. :) I'm looking forward to the "more mature, less insecure" phase, since I confess I'm still not quite there.
12. BDB,
Those 80's hair products are *definitely* evil and probably have caused much more than global warming. I tell my Mom & sisses this every time they bring out the hairspray. ;)
God Bless!
14. Suzanne Hadley said the following at 4:40 PM on May 28:
Jo and Natasha,
Glad to know I wasn't alone. At the risk of offending someone, one of my friends called those the "Suzy Homeschool Bangs." Please don't come down on me for negatively stereotyping homeschoolers. I was one and loved it! And I may have chosen the bangs had I been in any other educational institution. Still, I appreciated the humor in the comment. :)
15. the most frequent Kate said the following at 6:06 PM on May 28:
Hmm I don't think your old picture looks weird at all. Actually to my eye, it hardly looks different than the little icon that goes with your posts on Boundless.
I guess photo fear was something I never experienced to a degree that led to me avoiding or destroying photos of me, except when my face was really swollen from having my wisdom teeth out I refused to let my mom take a picture of that, because I guess I was feeling too bad at the time to have a sense of humor. Now I wish I'd let her! Nonetheless, I was really obsessed with micro aspects of my appearance as a teenager. Now it seems silly to me that I worried so much about it and put so much time into it.
16. Joanna said the following at 8:17 PM on May 28:
We called it fringe here in Malaysia too :) and in tropical weather like this, those gravity-defying feats were also nicknamed 'fans' and yeah, some looked like they could blow you away back then! I rebelled against it as I was always compared to my more stylish cousin who had that hairstyle. Nevertheless, thank you Suzanne for reminding me that I'm still God's workmanship (still on the workbench!), bad hair or not :)
17. Leah said the following at 9:04 PM on May 28:
Jo (11) - bangs and a fringe aren't exactly the same thing (in Australia, anyway... so I imagine it's the same in the UK). I think it's probably more accurate to say bangs are a type of fringe. I'm of the opinion that most girls look best with some form of fringe (though you do get the lucky few who look gorgeous no matter how they wear their hair). You get the side-fringe, the regular parted fringe etc. I don't know, the Americans might call all of these bangs :) But in Aus we'd just call the straight-across style (like what Suzanne had) bangs.
A hint to girls who think their faces are totally unphotogenic... try a different hairstyle. Seriously. It's amazing the changes hairstyle makes to a face. All through highschool I wore what was (for the first half of my highschool career) fashionable - no fringe, hair all pulled straight back. It wasn't flattering for my face and I didn't realise a different hairstyle would have helped immensely until I finished school. I sure still get photos that I look at and go "oh, ew" but I also get a lot more photos that I actually like than I did in highschool :)
18. lewsta said the following at 3:34 AM on May 29:
having been a professional wedding and portrait photographer for a number of years, I can attest that very few people ever thought themselves to be attractive or photogenic. "I ALWAYS TAKE HORRID PICTURES" To which I would often respond "well, I take wonderful pictures, and I will be the one with the camera". That would most often set them at ease and we could then get about having a great session. Learning to quickly connect with the subjects made it easy to capture their unique personality, getting beyond the "roadmap of the face" level of portraiture. Funny how a strong dissatisfaction with our own particular version of God's Image is so near universal. Until it no longer is.
19. Esther said the following at 10:46 AM on May 29:
I still feel like many of my pictures come out looking awkward- so much so that my friends have commented that I look normal until they take the picture, but when they look at the camera screen, I managed to be making some weird face at the moment of image capture. Sometimes I'm ready to agree with the Amish that photographs are evil!
As for bangs, I had a thick straight layer for most of my childhood (my mom always cut my hair for economy) and so I grew it out in high school and college. But looking back, it really didn't suit my face, and I now have bangs again, but more stylish ones (and professionally cut!)
20. Tami said the following at 11:01 AM on May 29:
Suzanne -- I had those bangs and I am a complete product of the public school and state university system. :)
In fact, if I squinted, I might've thought you stole & posted a picture of *me* from a few years ago! ;)
21. Christopher from Albuquerque said the following at 2:51 AM on May 30:
There are almost no good photos of me in existence. I'm serious. I have this terribly non-photogenic physical reaction when the camera clicks and the picture is taken-- I involuntarily close my eyes! It almost never fails! Seeing a photo of me is possibly the *worst* way to find out what I actually look like most of the time.
Oh, and due to my physical disability, I use a wheelchair too, which seems to overwhelm my physical appearance in photos, as opposed to in everyday life, when my personality overshadows the wheelchair and seems to make at least some people forget about it.
22. Loris said the following at 4:00 PM on Jun 1:
My problem with pictures is that usually the person shooting is shorter than me, so I have to look down and I get a double chin-my cheeks are already quite round and I don't need any added bulk! I try to tell myself that for good pictures, I'd go to a professional, and this friend just wants to document my presence.
23. kaj said the following at 7:00 PM on Jun 1:
I'm just looking forward to the day someone takes a random shot of me that looks good enough so I can change my Facebook profile photo!
24. MarkS said the following at 6:32 PM on Jun 16:
How could you, an angel, ever be self conscious?
But it doesn't stop at the surface. Sure you're cute and all that, but reading your articles and blogs, you are very thoughtful, spiritual, mature, loving.....
You are a true SBCW
(Sweet Blonde Christian Woman)
So why are people who have the most, so worried about it?
Ever seen a more homely woman looking in the mirror? Or a pudgy man eating a salad?
To some extent the appearance may be due to the attention given it. But that doesn't explain it all.
One possible reason is that we fuss over the things we know people do or have appreciated in us, as if we will lose what brings us praise.
Considering that attractive people always get attention (oops sorry, I started this comment by feeding the monster) and that this has occurred for a long time, they may have an identity issue.
So ignore what I said about your cuteness. Instead water the spirituality God has grown in your garden. No one can take that away.