i-Church
by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin on 05/28/2009 at 5:17 PM
Several years ago I discovered an uncomfortable pride within myself. This pride was associated with my church...my church. With its professional, yet casual, worship and relaxed, yet in-the-know of Greek and Hebrew, pastor, I felt my church reflected my great taste. With this discovery of pride came contemplation. I began to consider my generation's trend of choosing a church based on personal taste:
The type of church I attend says something about me. If I go to a conservative church, I like structure and tradition. If I attend a charismatic church, I prefer experiential worship. If I attend a small church, I have a heart for being a part of something intimate with the promise of growth. But is choosing a church based on personal style and preference biblical? I'll admit it. My tendency is to look for a church that makes me feel good — a church that "fits me." It's the same way I choose other things in my life — my clothes, my apartment, my furniture. But should that be the way I choose my church?
I suppose the answer is yes and no. In "Designer Church," I consider how early Christians picked a church: geographic location. Let's face it; they didn't have much of a choice. However, these intimate yet diverse communities of Christians thrived based on a single commonality: shared faith in Jesus Christ.
In addition, the early church promoted sound doctrine, prayed for persecuted Christians, grew as a result of evangelism, commissioned its members to go out and serve, utilized a variety of spiritual gifts and demonstrated submission to the Lordship of Jesus Christ.
When I wrote this article, I realized I cared more about how my church reflected my personality than how it embodied those biblical principles. And I had a hunch why:
All of the characteristics of the early church required commitment — living and breathing God's Word in community. It takes time to establish a solid prayer ministry or build relationships with missionaries. As part of a generation that often abandons something the moment it goes out of style or ceases to interest us, we face the temptation to leave a church simply because it doesn't perfectly reflect us.
At that moment I made a commitment not to switch from church to church based on personal taste but to invest, as the early Christians did, and watch how God would use that investment. After all, the church is His, not mine. And four years later, I have not been disappointed. I have watched fourth graders enter middle school and helped new leaders transition into their new roles. I've eaten dinner with families in my church, gotten to know college students and helped form a young adult Bible study. These opportunities would not have been possible had I chased after the next "big thing." Perhaps not coincidentally, I also met my boyfriend when he was hired for a children's ministry position at my church last summer. "Bloom where you're planted" may not be a biblical adage, but it is certainly appropriate when it comes to the church. When you bloom, church life becomes more than a passing fad.
1. the most frequent Kate said the following at 5:50 PM on May 28:
I think it's fine, and wise, to choose a church based on how Biblically focused the teachings and practices are, as well as the compassion and leadership of the pastor and other church members.
Is that a matter of personal taste? I don't know, but I see no reason to attend a church in which the pastor spends more time preaching political ideology and/or "feel-good messages" than on preaching about the Bible and how it should impact our lives on Earth. The apparent rareness of this is why I've struggled with finding a church that is geographically close to where I've lived for the past few years. Finding a couple of good churches has been good but I couldn't stay with them since I've lived in several different towns over the past few years.
Although I agree that what you're describing as "church hopping" can be a problem, I think it has also been very educational for me to see many different churches now, before I've settled more permanently into a community. I have had an opportunity to see how the quality of the leadership and earnestness of the members relate to what goes on in the church... and that is what I'm looking for in a church. Really, the farther people get away from the Bible, the more nonsense or even downright harmful stuff you get.
2. J. said the following at 6:32 PM on May 28:
I think this is a very interesting perspective on how one selects their church. I also think it's an easy perspective to take for one who is part of a church with which they resonate - to the point of having been proud of it. As someone who has, for seven years now, been faithful to a church that she does not relate to well I firmly believe that someone's spiritual giftedness and idea of a church's purpose (ex. does the church exist simply to feed the the flock or to reach out to the lost as well?)has to be in line with their church in order for them to fully be used by God. My husband has been the youth pastor at a church that, while biblically sound and very much in love with Christ, refuses to see that its attempts at outreach are lame and outdated. My heart breaks for my co-workers who need Jesus so bad but politely refuse (and then laugh behind my back, but I don't blame them!)every time I invite them to a ladies' tea or church movie night. So, if you're the kind of Christian who believes the church is a hospital, it can be very frustrating to attend "church as a country club." While no church will ever be perfect finding a good match is not always a bad idea.
3. Saidahwk said the following at 8:22 PM on May 28:
Amen.
4. Mark W said the following at 8:40 PM on May 28:
Articles like these are always at least a little bit discouraging to me (as are books like Mark Dever's Nine Marks), because for a lot of us, it can be difficult just to find churches that meet the standards of:
In the town where I went to college, it was next to impossible to find a church that even met the first criteria in that list. I'm interested in what Boundless's advice would be for those of us in such a situation. Not all of us live in a place like Colorado Springs where we have a smorgasbord of evangelical churches to pick from.
5. khalil said the following at 11:18 PM on May 28:
First, I'd like to offer up a prayer request. I'd appreciate much prayer for me to find a home church in Beirut.
Thanks Suzanne for the posting and your thoughts as I am in the process of trying to find a church home here as I live and serve in Lebanon. The church I expected to serve and worship in I *think* was more to my benefit rather than to glorify God. It is a great church and has many amazing ministries (and tons of history) but there were many self-serving reasons why I was leaning towards that particular congregation.
There is a church within an amazing location...next door. A small church meets in the meeting hall of the Dar el-Awlad campus. I literally have to walk 30 seconds from my apartment and I can be in the doorway of a local church. The only issue I have with this particular congregation is that it is so close to campus. Living and working on the same campus 24/7 is great but you need time away too, I am not entirely convinced that I want to attend church on this same campus. But not having a vehicle creates some difficulty in getting around, even though public transportation isn't too terrible.
So, for what its worth there is my prayer request and comments :)
6. Christopher from Albuquerque said the following at 1:13 AM on May 29:
I agree with every word in the most frequent Kate's comment (#1).
Suzanne (the author of the post), when I read, "conservative church," I think "theologically conservative," which is not necessarily at odds with being charismatic. From what I understand (not being a member of one), Reformed Charismatic churches, such as the Sovereign Grace network of churches (founded by C.J. Mahaney), are quite conservative in theology, but they are also passionate and "experiential," to a degree, when it comes to the "living out" of their faith.
At my own church (which is not *officially* Reformed Charismatic, but the elders do generally hold to that position... I'm undecided about the charismatic part), we recently hosted Ray Ortlund, Jr. and Sam Storms for a conference at which both men affirmed their openness to many aspects of charismatic theology (especially Storms). At the same time, they are also both conservative in their theology, in that they affirm the Calvinist (Biblical) TULIP concepts (and I'm right there with them on those!).
More directly to do with the post, I don't see that caring about structure and tradition, to a degree, *has* to be at odds with a passionate faith that is not *centered* on ecstatic experiences but which does, at times, *have* such experiences.
I think of Jonathan Edward's wife, Sarah, and her ecstatic experience of God, written of in George Marsden's great recent (2003) biography of Edwards. Jonathan and Sarah were strongly Reformed theologically. Their Reformed faith could also be "experiential," though, insofar as that experience was always tested and weighed according to Scripture.
7. Christopher from Albuquerque said the following at 1:17 AM on May 29:
As far as choosing a church based on "personal taste," I completely agree that one should be very careful (even wary) about such a tendency within oneself. I should have included that thought in my previous comment.
8. Sheridan said the following at 2:13 AM on May 29:
Consumer mentality is becoming almost normal in the church now, its shameful to be honest. People up and leave for petty reasons, like the music...or the young adults ministry isnt 'happening' (I've almost succumbed to that one)
I've learnt to treat my church like I would my family - family is forever.
I get annoyed with my family members, I disagree with their views sometimes, they don't always do what I want them to, they are boring on some days, and we can hurt and offend each other.
At the end of the day, they are family, you still love them, and you make it work.
It is really helpful to view church in the same way.
9. lewsta said the following at 3:16 AM on May 29:
Having been involved with the same church family for some time now (8 yrs +/-) I've been amazed at the benefits. I've held babies born to what I knew as skinny mid-teens, developed deep and lasting friendships, and know absolutely I am joined together with a people committed to the same biblical foundations I am. I've also suffered through years of "church shopping", checking out wimpy social gathering after overbearing powertripping "leadership" after cast in concrete traditionalists after huge corporations run on the "efficiency principle" never mind what God's people NEED. I've had done with popular and seeker and fad "churches" that feed members' self-esteem in the manner you describe. I am firmly convinced the patterns set out in the New Testament writings are given us for our benefit. Those seeking to "do church differently" do not help, most times.
10. obewan said the following at 7:53 AM on May 29:
I am not too fussy about churches as long as they preach good doctrine.
I will say and have said it before that singles ministry is very important to me. With over 50% of our society being single, I have to ask if the church is making an effort to reach out to the number one “target” ministry “segment”.
I am even willing to go with the build a ministry approach. If they do not have an existing singles ministry, they must encourage a small group of singles build one together. That said, a discouraging attitude about singles ministry would be a real "deal breaker" for me.
A church I used to attend had a thriving singles ministry with over 60 people and a full time minister. The minister took another "call" and left. The ministry was taken over by the lay people. Some of the laypeople got married, and the church let the group flounder. Instead of raising up new leaders from within the group, they decided to "disband" the ministry. It has been over 8 years now, and there are virtually no singles outside of High School or college in that huge church with over 3000 members.
Too often singles that complain about this are critized and told they are immature, or that the church is not responsible for planning their "social calendar". People who are married too quickly forget what it means to be lonely. Singles groups can provide a surrogate family for people who might otherwise be alone. Plus, they are an excellent evangelism tool if people outside the church are invited to the social events.
And, you can make the argument that singles and married couples can fellowship together, but that is a difficult proposition. I have found that even most of my single friends dropped off the face of the earth when they got married. Their commitments and priorities are quite different. The only way to get any real fellowship is to join a mixed small group Bible study or be in a worship band with them.
Aside from that, the married couples at churches have for the most part ignored me most of my life with the exception of one family that was trying to hook me up with their daughter who was a single mom. My roommate actually ended up married to her. LOL
11. Keith said the following at 11:42 AM on May 29:
I think it is idealistic to stay at the same church for life. I have been at mine for 17 years, despite numerous requests from other people for me to go elsewhere.
In my view, one should stick to the same church regardless of what happens. It is like a marriage - There will be good times and bad times at a church, but you commit yourself to stick it through.
12. T.Smith said the following at 12:08 PM on May 29:
I couldn't careless about my "personal tastes" or my "personality" (this is a poor word; character is superior) when it comes to church. It is a sacred time of veneration for God and most churches fail on that end anyway since there's little doctrine, little reverence, and little theological focus.
Nonetheless, God expects me to obey His will because He commands Christians to fellowship with other Christians and to venerate Him. I think that if you are searching for a church to "fit" your personality, you might be missing on Christianity completely.
On a pertinent note, this is exactly the result of a lack of doctrine, reverence, and theological focus in churches.
13. Kellie said the following at 12:29 PM on May 29:
Regarding #11: Not all of us stay in the same city our entire lives!!
My husband and I finally decided it was time to change churches. We had been attending the same church he went when he was single (he lived right behind it). When we got married and I moved here, we moved a good 20 miles away, and then again when we bought a house, 35 miles away from the church. We continued to attend because we liked the church and had many friends there. However, lately, we realize we know very few people in our community and the best way to do that is to attend a more local church.
14. Rachael said the following at 1:09 AM on May 30:
"The type of church I attend says something about me. If I go to a conservative church, I like structure and tradition. If I attend a charismatic church, I prefer experiential worship."
And our preferences can echo deeper heart core theologies/mindsets I think.
Like if someone likes "experiential worship", do they also freely say things like "God told me this...?" even if He didn't? Or do they feel that closed doors are not from God? Do they feel that specific sins cause cancer? Not necessarily. But still, you might get certain mindsets and phraseologies and thought patterns from people who are drawn to different types of churches. Again, not necessarily.
It's very nice to come across writings or people who clearly value Biblical doctrine more than 'feel good' beliefs.
I suppose even when people feel churches are really 'their fit', things won't be perfect, but probably they feel refreshment with some level of like-mindedness.
There really are so many ideas out there in Christian circles that don't coincide with Scripture.
15. Christopher from Albuquerque said the following at 3:12 AM on May 30:
Obewan (#10),
The area which you mention (singles' ministry) is just the area in which I am currently struggling in my church. There really is no "singles' ministry," as such. There is a "college and young adult ministry," for 18-30 year-olds though, and many people have met and gotten married through that ministry. However, I'm almost thirty-six, and most of the single women who are involved in that ministry are much, much younger than me.
It's hard not to feel very much like the odd man out, when almost all the twenty and thirty-somethings around me at church are married with children. Having said that, there *are* enough single people in their thirties and up that the church could sponsor some sort of official ministry for us. One of my roommates has tried to start one at the church, and it never has really gotten off the ground.
On top of those things, I recently carefully expressed my interest to one of the very few single women in her thirties in the church, and she did not reciprocate. I still don't understand it. We have the same theology, the same heart for the church body and for evangelism, and we even pray similar prayers in our small group... but if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. Sigh... I guess this is one of those times when I need to focus not so much on me and my longings and get my focus back to simply loving and serving others in the body. I'm a member of the church, I'm deeply involved in ministry of various kinds there, and I do have good friends, so it's not as simple as leaving to find a theologically similar church with a better ministry heart for singles my age.
16. Zac 23 said the following at 5:22 PM on May 30:
While I agree with the article, how does this apply to people in the military who are forced to move every few years and cannot commit to a church?
17. BDB said the following at 3:52 PM on May 31:
And then there's the view from the pastor's side...
When I started attending my church 16 years ago, there were 300 people. Today there are over 10,000, including children.
We're still a little mystified as to how that happened. It certainly wasn't planned. But, as our senior pastor likes to say, he's an overnight success 40 years in the making. He had to spend a lot of time learning to submit to God's will and not his. He never wanted to be a pastor, he wanted to be a missionary. But God called him to start a church.
He still goes on missions trips a couple of times a year. But now he goes to teach pastors in those countries, like he teaches pastors here. We send lots of people on mission trips to poor parts of the world. It changes their lives and makes them more sensitive to the poor around them here in the U.S.
But being a nondenominational church, we don't have a specific theology. The senior pastor was heavily influenced by the writings of George Müller and the way God provided for his orphanages. Müller found that his spiritual walk grew much more when he set aside the non-Biblical commentaries and studied the Bible itself. So, the pastor follows that example. Anything he says can be challenged against Scripture. But he spends a good 20 hours/week preparing each sermon, so it's rare that he says something that can be interpreted as conflicting with scripture. If he does, people send him a bunch of e-mails, and he comes back the next week and clarifies why the point he was trying to make is scriptural.
One unintended consequence is that the congregation is full of people from a wide variety of theological backgrounds. It's something us old-timers have discussed at length, because we are trying to figure out how it works. We've got everything from people who grew up Catholic to Assemblies of God to Reformed. Preaching that sticks to the Bible draws people from all over the theological map.
So, when there's a disagreement among factions, it pushes people to go back and search the scriptures. If nothing else, reading the Bible more is a good thing!
18. BDB said the following at 4:07 PM on May 31:
Some of you may be familiar with the story of George Müller when it was featured in the VeggieTales episode, Gideon: Tuba Warrior.
The part of George Müller was played by Archibald Asparagus.
19. obewan said the following at 6:02 AM on Jun 1:
#15. Christopher from Albuquerque had the following to say on May 30 at 3:12 AM:
"Obewan (#10),
The area which you mention (singles' ministry) is just the area in which I am currently struggling in my church. There really is no "singles' ministry," as such. There is a "college and young adult ministry," for 18-30 year-olds though,..."
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That is the number one problem at churches I have attended. They "put singles out to pasture" at age 30. At one church I went to, most people there rebelled and pushed the envelope out to age 35. Etc...There are always a few hangovers that are reluctant to move on...
At my current church, the over age 40 singles is the biggest group. They let the age 30-40 group flounder, and there is a smaller group for ages 18-30. (Although a handful of 30-somethings are trying to reorganize their group with some jumpstart activities.)
One way to get a lot of "older" singles is to have a divorce recovery ministry. Many unsaved people actually come to Christ through such an outreach. It does bring up the thorny issues of dating and remarriage of divorced people, but from my perspective fellowship with other singles is the top priority anyway, so it does not affect me much.
There is also the possibility of finding a multi-church ministry that is citywide. Try an exhaustive Google search to see if there are any in your area. There are at least 2 in my town with over 10 sponsor churches. These types of groups are great for singles that want to remain in a small church with no singles group.
Lastly, a group can be started with just a newspaper ad that meets in a restaurant or something. When I lived in a small town, a woman started a group called "Christian Singles by Design". She put an ad in the newspaper and then built a website. All the event news was emailed. There were at least 75 singles aged 30 - 55 or so at every event, and some of them were able to use their home church as a sponsor meeting site for conferences ect...
20. brx said the following at 11:28 AM on Jun 1:
Wow, I see a lot of put-downs and complaints about local churches. I used to be there in my attitude too. God has really been convicting and adjusting me over recent years. I like the way passionate pastor Perry Noble puts it - that we say we love Jesus, and we're talking about the Bride of Christ, and
"If you walked up to me and said ‘I like you but your wife is ugly,’ I’d punch you in the throat."
Jesus loves His bride with affection and great passion - even when she looks messy or covered in mud. ...the same way He loves you.
The Bride of Christ is made up of people. If Jesus loves them messy, maybe we should get to know them better so we can love them too?
When I made the effort to know the leadership more personally, I saw their passion for the Lord and appreciated them more.
Grace, peace & adventures in getting to know people
21. brx said the following at 11:39 AM on Jun 1:
BTW, I think most people commenting here really are mature enough in their relationship with the Lord Jesus that you don't need local church leadership people to be the ones reaching out and feeding you so much of the time. Rather, you are more than ready to takes steps of courage and faith to pick up the utensils and start feeding yourself - and others.
Grace & adventures in that!
(yeah, that was a subtle reference to priesthood and utensils of the altar)
22. brx said the following at 11:51 AM on Jun 1:
Re: obewan [#19],
One of the big reasons many churches do not have a healthy, thriving program dedicated to older singles is because it generally takes a lot of skilled resources to help those people confront and receive healing for their individual issues which are preventing them from growing and moving on. A few churches however, are willing and able to dedicate the resources to do that. I encourage you to research the singles ministry design at Covenant Life Church in MD (Joshua Harris is the snr pastor there). They pour a lot of resources into counseling and mentoring.
Grace, peace & adventure!
23. brx said the following at 12:09 PM on Jun 1:
Re: Keith [#11],
While love and relationships tend to blossom with commitment, I think it's important to realize we are being prepared to be married to Christ, rather than considering ourselves married to a local church.
I wanted to clarify because some people might be very torn over a something or be going through a particular season and in such situations it can be very fruitful to spend significant time with a different group of believers - and they should not be made to feel guilty about it. It's important to be asking 'where is my fellowship most balanced and fruitful?' - and only they can answer that question.
The commitment we have to the Body of Christ is not the same as the one we have to a particular local church though all of our relationships should have some qualities of authenticity and commitment.
Grace & peace
24. brx said the following at 12:17 PM on Jun 1:
The growing early Church of the New Testament, I think, did have all the same problems we have today, just on a smaller scale. I'm sure there were people who wrestled with 'should I attend the house-gathering at the end of the street, or the one two blocks over?' People, with all our quirkiness and issues, haven't gotten any easier to get along with over the centuries. We all still need Christ's heart.
:)
25. obewan said the following at 1:08 PM on Jun 1:
#24. brx had the following to say on Jun 1 at 12:17 PM:
"The growing early Church of the New Testament, I think, did have all the same problems we have today, just on a smaller scale. I'm sure there were people who wrestled with 'should I attend the house-gathering at the end of the street, or the one two blocks over?' People, with all our quirkiness and issues, haven't gotten any easier to get along with over the centuries. We all still need Christ's heart."
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I never thought of that, but it does make sense.
We sometimes have problems at my church with people being happy with small groups.
The small groups make the mega church more like the New Testament church by offering a church within a church (i.e. house church).
The problem is some people insist on being with singles, some want same sex only. etc...I just lost my current small group because it voted to become women only. (It had a male leader too when we left off...)
The church gets around the problems by telling people that if they are not happy with their small group, that they will help them find a group that they ARE happy with. (No one is forced to join a group they don't want.)
26. Rachael said the following at 2:46 PM on Jun 1:
I may have beliefs (related to my faith) that some people may regard as clearly off-base.
Like, for example, I don't know without a doubt that babies go to heaven. I could never look someone in the eye and tell them they do for sure. Many would probably think I'm totally off on that.
But I bet a lot of Christian theology could be easily (or difficultly) corrected by lining up 'feel good' or 'look good' or 'sounds familiar' views up with what Scripture actually says.
I watched a movie last night, and probably many who watched it would feel that the man was definitely called by God. I don't know everything about the real story, though I saw some of the documentary part. I didn't read the book. I have never met the main character. And it's very likely God really could have worked through him a ton. Yet...I feel kind-of sad. I wonder if someone could be swept away by all the positive things that happen. I'm glad that an adverse circumstance was included in the movie because that's real life. Real life is NOT necessarily all our 'dreams' coming true (no, in the movie, the wishes or acts of faith weren't billed as 'dreams').
God gives and takes away. God does NOT just give us everything we want. God may NOT make us seemingly big and important.
I don't know everything. I've been in a variety of church denominations in my life.
I think if people highly, highly valued the Word of God and used a critical mind and questioned their senses and feelings, that that would be a good thing, at least to an extent...
Seeming holiness isn't always the same as actual holiness. I believe we should be aware that even if certain activities seem holy, or if people feel called to do things, or if people feel God said something in particular, that it is possible that those perceptions can be deceptive.
And...
Bigger (also in the non-material sense) isn't always better. I believe that with all my heart. Yet, I have to realize that smaller isn't necessarily better, either...
God can work through the 'big' outspoken leaders or teachers, even IF any or many of their teachings are off-base, and regardless of their character. God can work through the behind the scenes people as well, also regardless of their character.
He's bigger than our bigness or smallness...
We're branches of (hopefully) the same root planted in the fertile soil. And hopefully we're all being grown by God. No matter how messed up our beliefs or character is...
Yet still...perhaps we can seek to line up views against Scripture...
27. brx said the following at 11:20 PM on Jun 1:
Satan on the church - Craig Groeschel has an unplugged interview with Satan.