3 Truths and a Lie: Episode 69

This week's featured musical artist is Stevvi Alexander. She's gone solo after an extensive career as a backup singer for artists Diana Ross, Justin Timberlake, and Sheryl Crow just to name a few. (You should check our her resume. I was fascinated just looking at all the artists she's backed.)

3 Truths and a Lie -- 00:00
We had a fun time in the studio this week. One of our loyal listeners Janice wrote in with the idea of a 3 Truths and a Lie roundtable. Lisa, Motte, Ted, and Steve went around the table with their stories and Janice called in to guess the lie. Do you have any roundtable ideas? Send them to us and if we choose yours we'll give you a call, a prize, or a shout out on the blog.

Kevin DeYoung Part 2 -- 16:55
It's time for round two with Kevin DeYoung. If you didn't catch the first part you can listen to it here. Motte and Steve talk to Kevin about his book Just Do Something. And guess what. He thinks most people are marrying too late in life. No wonder Boundless likes him! Seriously though, Kevin's book is full of common sense wisdom and Biblical insights -- a lot like his interview.

Losing Touch -- 39:27
She just moved to a new city, started a new job, is investing in new relationships and just doesn't have time for old friendships. She's doesn't want to lose her long-distance friends but she doesn't have the energy to put into them. Maybe it's time for her to whittle down her friend list or maybe she needs her old friends more than ever. Listen in as Lisa and Suzanne share their friendship wisdom.

Have a question for the Boundless Show? E-mail your questions to editor@boundless.org.

Comments

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1. Janice said the following at 8:05 PM on May 14:

So much fun! Thanks for making my dreams come true...hahahaha. Oh, and good show this week, as always! I especially appreciated hearing Kevin talk about the four steps involved with making a decision. A friend asked for advice this week and the first three were exactly what I told her...whew! Glad to know I was right!

2. P&P said the following at 2:04 PM on May 15:

Interesting Q&A at the end. I can see both sides of the discussion. Ending toxic friendships are important (think frenemies), but dropping people because "you're just too busy" is questionable. I always think about that horrid Harry Chapin song "Cat's in the Cradle" about a father who has no time for his young son until he retires and the grown son has no time for the father.

As tempting as it is to think that you're too busy for people, you should remember that there will be times when you won't be busy and you'll see the void you've created by dropping those old friendships.

The one question I now ask of people when they say they don't have enough time, is to ask "well, exactly what is taking up all your time?" Like Suzanne, I made a resolution to declutter my life, however I didn't do it with friends; I did it with time and a trash bag(s).

I looked at how much time I was spending on social networking (Facebook, Good Reads, etc.), reading blogs, watching bad television (goodbye "Bachelor", et. al.) and once I cut down on those activities, I discovered I had more time.

As for the trash bags? Well cleaning my "stuff" is still a work in progress. At least I'm not using Facebook as an excuse to avoid it now.

3. Loris said the following at 7:51 AM on May 18:

Ooh, I'll help you get rid of stuff, P&P! I'm a compulsive purger, and of course I married a pack rat...sigh.

4. BDB said the following at 6:56 PM on May 18:

The discussion of how to drop your friends in a new season of life reminded me of the Boundless Line comments people make about how the'd love for their married friends to introduce them to people, but their friends disappeared as soon as they got married...

Though I also am reminded of how C.S. Lewis in The Four Loves draws a distintion between one's "companions" and one's "friends," the latter usually being far fewer and based on seeing the same truth in the world. Friends who are pro-missions, who marry another pro-missions person, may be more likely to be adding to the circle of friendship, rather than swapping the companionship of one person for another.

For my friends in the Lewis sense of the term, I've enjoyed getting to know their spouses, too. It's a good fit.

5. J. said the following at 8:33 PM on May 18:

The problem with women's being "too busy" to nurture certain friendships is that said friendships are often conveniently remembered when it comes time to have the bridal shower, the big wedding, the baby shower, etc. In other words, when one needs to use forgotten/neglected friends for gifts and/or to say, "So many people are coming to my [shower or wedding]!" This seems to happen a lot with women, and I find it appalling and sad.

6. a sassy sister said the following at 9:23 PM on May 18:

J., comment #5,

I understand how you feel, as I am walking out of that place in my life emotionally. I am watching many of my close relatives and friends enter relationships, get engaged, get married, and have children. I think a part of me feels that women have been subtly trained to believe that their identity and validation comes from a relationship instead of from God, with some believing that marriage and family completes you as a person. Some of us have been taught to believe that marriage and family is the finish line in life, when that is far from the case. But of course, you cannot force someone to agree with you or realize something; they have to realize it for themselves, and give them grace as they get to that point. A real friend, while being honest, giving (and receiving correction), will also understand that the bottom line is not about having their way. It's about that person growing in God and conforming their lives to Christ. That being said, the love of God and our relationship with God affects our ability to exercise/enforce the duties of friendship.

Which also brings up another point. NEVER ASSUME THAT A FRIEND KNOWS WHAT YOU NEED OR WANT FROM THEM IF YOU DON'T COMMUNICATE TO THEM! I am not justified in anger towards a friend if I never told them that I needed them and what kind of friendship I wanted from the beginning. And despite what the person does, remember as a Christian your responsibility as far as being a friend goes. It is by Christ's standard that we live by in regards to exercising the duties of true friendship.

7. Rachael said the following at 10:28 PM on May 18:

J., those are special occasions, and to be personally invited is an honor....it's an opportunity for several friends to be gathered together in one place to celebrate a momentous event in one's life.

8. J. said the following at 9:33 AM on May 19:

My comment above (#5) is a general observation, not something about my personal experiences and feelings. I can see how it could be misunderstood and how it may have made me look resentful. Now I wish I hadn't posted it, but it's too late now.

Anyway, my point was that if a woman decides to stop calling, E-mailing, and inviting out certain friends due to being "too busy" and later only invites them to events where gifts are sought -- while *still* avoiding building into their lives -- expect that those demoted friends may feel used (though they probably wouldn't voice this). I wouldn't ever want anyone in my life to feel this way about me.