The Face(book) in the Mirror
by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin on 03/26/2009 at 11:30 AM
Uh oh. Two convicting articles in a row. First, one on media discernment, and then today, Tim Sweetman's excellent article about Stalkerbook...er, Facebook. Here's the part that really got to me:
It's not my intention to write a 1,200-word article encouraging others to give up Facebook, social networking, or the Internet. I plan to continue updating my status with random trivialities such as "Tim is attempting to write ... Tim just ate bread with mold ... Tim is heading to the basketball game" and the like. I'm still going to post notes, write on walls, and chat with friends.
But if all of this continues at the expense of getting to know God better, I want to throw it all out. All of it. Drastic, yes, but I've got to be willing to do whatever it takes.
I'll admit it. I'm a little addicted to Facebook. I love to see what my friends are saying (i.e. saying about me). It's a reflection of sorts; a way to measure my place among people. Each day I receive feedback on myself. It's addictive.
I'm reminded of the verse about reflection in James 1:22-25:
Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.
While Facebook may not be the healthiest addiction, social networking is not the true issue. The real question is: What am I looking into? How am I measuring success or gaining identity? Is it by the number of comments on a photo or is it by greater desire for God in my life?
I see two issues at play in the realm of social networking and technology. One is lack of self-control. I should be writing a paper, but I'm online; I should be reading God's Word, but I'm online. The other is a little harder to perceive. It's a notion that holds the words of mere humans as much more interesting to follow than God's Word; the lives of mere humans as much more fun to get to know than God Himself.
How would my life be different if I pursued God's Word with the same intensity and interest as I check my Facebook page? Tim considers:
Scripture is not only profitable for me, but it's absolutely essential in order to be competent and to live my life well. Within those sacred pages I find everything that God has deemed necessary to tell me. There is so much depth and wisdom within those pages. Yet I somehow buy into the lie that the Bible is just boring and not worth my time. How would my life look if I poured myself into the pages of my Bible instead of pouring myself into the pages of Facebook? Radically different, I think.
So perhaps Facebook points us to something greater. I desire to look at something to feel significant, gain perspective on myself and find community. I believe if that thing were God's Word "we would all soon see a blessed change" (to quote Rachel Lynde). Face it: it's something worth thinking about.
1. BDB said the following at 12:10 PM on Mar 26:
Stalkerbook? Had a bad experience have we?
I do think the ubiquitous "ignore" button reflects a dysfunction in our society. When men read articles about how they need to show more guts, it encourages them to be more persistent. Someone who is "ignored" chooses to passively accept it, or take the initiative to be more persistent. The more persistent personalities probably see being ignored as a challenge, just like they do in a bar.
It seems like it would produce much healthier results if people take the time to respond and ask a direct question.
2. Rachael said the following at 12:11 PM on Mar 26:
The facebook article is a good one; thank you.
I should improve in my Bible reading and be more regular in reading straight from the book, but I think it's been helpful to have an approach.
For me it's not checking boxes on a plan, but I enjoy making progress through the books and gleaning nuggets. The getting further along in the Bible is a big motivation for me, I think.
I think what started it was initially starting to go through the Bible with a friend a long time ago - we were reading individually then coming back together to discuss it. I think I skipped a part or parts (I think at least in a certain book of the Bible that was at least mostly covered in a Bible study group we were in, and I may have skipped more than that....), but I've been trying to continue ahead and make progress at going straight through where I am, even if I skipped parts a long time ago.
While progressing along in and of itself not a godly motivation, at least for me it drives me forward.
Oh, and I think another motivational factor can be to have it around if you're out and about and need something to do as you wait for someone or something. I'm in a spot in life where I sometimes am in spots where I have to wait. The past few weeks or month or something I've been cross-stitching often in those moments, but before that I may have picked up the Bible more. Anyway if we keep the Bible in handy locations when we have to wait or have time to kill when we're out and about, that would help us.
It would be good if I were more regular in the Bible, though I feel I may be reading it more than in the past. But I especially feel the lack of actively practicing hard parts for my specific sins and difficulty. I'm at a point where I need to do that and that active practice aspect and self-emptying seem daunting.
3. NeedACatchyName said the following at 12:14 PM on Mar 26:
Here's another issue that I see with Facebook. One of my married friends recently signed up for a Facebook account and two weeks later canceled his Facebook account. Why? Because all of sudden, ex-girlfriends and other interested young ladies were trying to contact him via Facebook. As result, he decided that Facebook just simply wasn't a good place for a married man (though also mentioned that this negative could be a positive for a single man), and decided that to avoid temptation, he should cancel his account.
This may be somewhat off-topic, but one very positive trend that I see developing is married couples sharing a single account for email, social networking, etc. That way their spouse can always log on and see what they're doing on Facebook and who they're emailing. No, it's not foolproof, as it's still possible to create an account that your spouse doesn't know about. But I think it's a major step in the right direction that I'd really like to see promoted more heavily.
4. Ted Slater said the following at 12:27 PM on Mar 26:
Probably as good a time as any to invite you to become our Facebook friend, if you haven't done so already.
;-)
5. BDB said the following at 12:43 PM on Mar 26:
To Rachael (#2)'s point, it's possible to put both facebook AND Bible applications on your iPhone or Blackberry. Since I put a Bible application on my blackberry, I definitely found that I could use those minutes waiting somewhere to do some Bible reading. Kind of calming on a stressful day, frankly.
NeedACatchyName has an interesting point in #3. What I've noticed is that my married friends use facebook as "public face," not unlike small talk after church. In fact, I've been found by about 50 old highschool classmates, almost all of whom have turned into family-oriented people. It's been kind of overwhelming trying to figure out all the hundreds of kids. But I've also found out a lot of people who I didn't know were Christians. Someone writes a status update that they're getting a biopsy, I write a comment that I'll be praying for them, and I get two more friend requests from former classmates I didn't realize were Christians. It tends to reinforce my values.
Though I am buried in status updates about soccer practice, volleyball, basketball, Bible study, etc. etc. Facebook for people who live in the suburbs!
6. Suzanne Hadley said the following at 3:15 PM on Mar 26:
BDB,
I haven't been stalked; I mean that Facebook encourages me to stalk others! :) You can find out way more than you need to or should know about the lives of your friends and acquaintances. My neighbor actually coined the term "stalker book."
As far as ignoring friend requests, I don't agree with you that those doing the ignoring need offer an explanation. Receiving a friend request is not equivalent to being asked out. I generally only add those with whom I am friends in real life, considering the personal information that could be obtained from my page.
7. Kate said the following at 3:34 PM on Mar 26:
Thanks for this article! I decided to "go off facebook" (sounds like some sort of drug...which frankly it can be similar...) a while ago because it was taking up so much of my time. Since then, I decided to take it a step farther and stay off for Lent and use the time I would normally check "stalkerbook" (first thing in the morning) to spend time in the Word. It's been really good for me, and I will definitely be more careful about how and to what extent I use facebook in the future!
8. Cliff said the following at 5:05 PM on Mar 26:
Good point. Perhaps it is time to put down the laptop and go out and to build some real 'community'.
9. Derek Wong said the following at 5:05 PM on Mar 26:
As someone who has successfully resisted the urge and behest of friends to join Facebook, I can say that I am pretty happy with my choice. While initially it was because I wanted to keep myself from being over-connected, I have since realized that there are so many benefits. And while there are some drawbacks (e.g., not getting to see people's pictures), I think that they are well worth it. I get to get out there and live my life instead of sitting in front of my computer all day. (Maybe the urge to get out is stronger for me since I am in front of a computer for a profession as a computer programmer.)
10. BDB said the following at 5:48 PM on Mar 26:
I am reminded of a conversation I had early in my career with someone who moved to California from the Midwest. They were expressing frustration at how difficult it was to get a response from people in California - they had to call and call repeatedly. This was true whether it was a business call, or trying to solve something at home. Where they were from in the Midwest, it simply wasn't socially acceptable to not respond promptly to the first inquiry.
(I've heard the same frustration from people who don't get RSVPs for a dinner party, or trying to organize volunteers for an activity, and especially co-workers who didn't stay current on their e-mail and ended up missing meetings or showing up unprepared.)
I find it interesting that facebook chose to build "ignore" into their entire scheme. They could have set it up to "accept or decline" and send a message either way. This would prevent us all from needing to repeatedly decline invitations to join Mob Wars, for example.
I believe that this is why modern sales training focuses so much on persistent follow-up that never takes "no" for an answer.
11. Kelly said the following at 6:16 PM on Mar 26:
As someone who's maintained a personal online blog for, oh, 7 years now, Facebook was *never* going to grab me. I have an account and it's great for seeing friends' photos, but the status updates are far too short (and far too boring!) to hold my interest.
You could suggest I spend too long blogging, or interacting on forums, but these are discussions, about issues that interest me. I find my blog, and those of my friends (both those I know well in real life, and those I've met only a few times who live in other countries) is an important part of my 'community'.
12. em said the following at 8:12 PM on Mar 26:
I appreciate my FB account as a way to stay in at least loose touch w/ former classmates, relatives I've only met a couple of times and old friends. It enhances my real world relationships, reminding me of people I want to connect with. In the past month, I've made at least three coffee / dinner appointments on FB. I've been able to network professionally on FB too and had challenging telephone conversations with an atheist FB-only friend.
It's not for everyone but I consider fB a blessing.
13. khalil said the following at 9:20 PM on Mar 26:
I started on facebook back around 2004/2005 to remain in contact with the international students I was with. I've added a few friends, supporters, and fellow missionaries but kept my list rather short.
When I head over to Beirut in April I will clean up the site a bit to make sure it is "kid friendly", I totally expect to have all the children at the school/orphanage add me as a friend. Some people there at the school are resistant to having their children add them as a friend and consider it a boundary issue. I look at it as a way to monitor what "my children" are doing online and how they present themselves. Since I am going in as a social worker I expect it to be quite eye opening and reveal some areas that these kids have closed off to the workers that refuse to add them. I don't fault my coworkers for doing this, when I was working at a group home here in Virginia I wouldn't add students to my list as I wanted that boundary between work and personal life to be well defined. When you live with the kids you serve the boundaries are bit different. They exist but are experienced in a different way.
14. Sarah P. said the following at 8:15 AM on Mar 27:
I find Fbook a very useful tool for people who want to make things happen. Like most tools, it can be misused, but it is not essentially evil.
The one application that I found insidious was "Compare People." There was nothing good about it for me. I felt either smug or crushed, depending on how I was ranked. It did not build love for others or grow humility.
I let most people friend me, but if I truly don't have a clue who they are, I msg them first and ask. I don't have anything to hide. I am a sinner saved by grace. I can always un-friend people later and block them if necessary.
I think the key is integrity. If I couldn't have a conversation with a stranger about something, I'm not gonna post it on Fbook.
15. facebook question? said the following at 9:47 PM on Mar 27:
I just commented on another post on here about facebook. I am not really sure how to search thru these blogs in chronological order. I had to deactivate my account a few months ago, due to excessive use. I agree with Sarah - it's not just FB, anything can be misused. And so, maybe the real question here is not why we should quit facebook, but rather, what's making us use it excessively? Maybe it's just me, maybe those of you who quit did so because you only overused FB and nothing else. For me, I see a discipline issue...cos if I don't use FB, I surf online, or watch tv or even read books sometimes without limiting my time. Am I the only one? Maybe FB is analagous to everything in this world...maybe it's more than FB...it's discipline that we should be talking about?
16. BDB said the following at 6:02 PM on Mar 28:
The funny thing is that my great-grandmother was a published writer. She would write letters to various people about her experience as an immigrant in the U.S. At one point, her letters were being published in 18 newspapers in the U.S. but mostly in Germany. They referred to her as their "American Correspondent."
Today we use blogs and facebook to share information. I've been friended by distant relatives in places like Dennmark. So, I guess with my writing and connecting, I'm merely following in the family footsteps...