Real Men Carry Hankies
by Motte Brown on 03/31/2009 at 10:00 AM
When I was a boy, my allergies were so bad I carried around a handkerchief everywhere I went. It earned me the nickname "Rag." (A name my brother still calls me occasionally.) Somewhere along the way I gave up the habit of carrying a hankie. My allergies didn't improve, mind you. I just made do with allergy medicine and tissues. This method, however, proved insufficient for proper allergy attack preparedness. Inevitably, I would be caught without the means for dealing with a severe runny nose and multiple sneezes (a series of three to seven) in public places.
So a few years ago, when my wife asked me to give her birthday gift ideas, I suggested a set of handkerchiefs. I got my wish.
That's the long backstory of why I really appreciated this article from The Art of Manliness. In "Every Man Should Carry a Handkerchief," they answer the questions of 'why' and 'how' as well as address the relatively modern concern for the 'ick factor.'
Handkerchiefs are, well, pretty handy. While women carry a purse stocked with things like tissue packs (and enough supplies to survive on a desert island for several days), most men do not. And yet our noses run just as often as our female counterparts. When you carry a hankie, you don’t have to go scrounging around for a tissue to deal with your dripping shnoz or wipe your nose on your sleeve. And you can mop your brow with it when you’re sitting on the front porch drinking mint juleps. This is what I mainly use handkerchiefs for. I started the habit when I lived in Mexico and walked the hot, dusty streets of Tijuana. It’s nice to have something to wipe the sweat and dirt off your face.
For me, it's having something to sneeze into at work or in church or anywhere where there's other people. And I'm really sneezy. But even if you aren't an allergy sufferer, The Art of Manliness guys give an even better reason for carrying a handkerchief.
But the best reason to carry a handkerchief has nothing to do with you. It’s the chance to lend it to others that commends this practice the most. Be sure to put one in your pocket when you go see a tear-jerker movie with your girlfriend or accompany your wife to a funeral. When women are feeling vulnerable, they’ll really appreciate your offer of a soft hankie. It’s a gallant and chivalrous gesture; there’s just something comforting about it.
Take it from me, there's nothing like a clean, soft, well pressed and folded hankie.
1. Louise from Chicago said the following at 10:05 AM on Mar 31:
And hankerchiefs are better than tissues for the environment.
2. Elizabeth H. said the following at 10:12 AM on Mar 31:
Well put. I live in Russia, and don't see too many men using facial tissues. So you also might be better received in other countries.
3. Alison said the following at 10:19 AM on Mar 31:
I'm alright with men carrying hankies, but please don't offer your used hankies to females. Also, if you are going to blow your nose loudly excuse yourself to a private place.
4. Keith said the following at 10:27 AM on Mar 31:
I honestly know no places that still sells handkerchiefs. I remember my dad always used to have them, but somewhere down the line between me and him the tradition was broken. I really don't know where I could by some new handkerchief to keep the tradition going.
5. mindlab said the following at 10:33 AM on Mar 31:
Thank you! I'm glad someone besides my father and I appreciate the practicality of a hankie.
I will add that for particularly snuffly days, a BUH (Back Up Hankie) is a good idea. Same goes for teary movies; nothing spoils the moment like handing your sniffling female friend a hankie, having her ask if it's used, and having to say "only a little."
6. JuliestD said the following at 10:46 AM on Mar 31:
I think hankies are sort of gross; however, if people do insist upon them, please at the very least be discreet and do not show people the results of your hanky, as one of my husband's friends did to me at Christmastime.
7. composer girl said the following at 11:04 AM on Mar 31:
Yes, real men do carry hankies. Although, I must admit, the word "hankie" doesn't sound very manly. Maybe you could just call them by their unabbreviated name of "handkerchief"?
If offering a handkerchief to a crying lady, the comment of "Don't worry, I haven't used it" is usually advised (provided the above statement is true). Then she doesn't feel rude asking if it has been used or not (implying that if it has been used then no thank you she'd rather not accept your chivalrous gesture this particular time). But do indeed carry a handkerchief, even if you never use it. Some lady someday will be very impressed by your old-fashioned chivalry.
8. Sylvia said the following at 11:10 AM on Mar 31:
QUESTION:
The article says that a gentleman does not ask for his handkerchief back, what is the lady's role? Does she offer it back, take it home and launder it, then offer it back, or keep it to avoid embarrassment for either party about the original situation?
9. EJ said the following at 11:18 AM on Mar 31:
Keith -- My family used to buy handkerchiefs at Walmart. My dad and his dad used them. My mom's dad -- who was a farmer -- used the big red or blue bandannas.
10. Kristy said the following at 11:48 AM on Mar 31:
I had the same question as Sylvia (#8): What am I supposed to do with the hankie after I use it? Give it back to the kind gentleman, all full of tears and snot? Ewww. Is there some rule of etiquitte that says what is proper after using a man's hankie? Maybe this is one for Miss Manners... :-)
11. mindlab said the following at 12:08 PM on Mar 31:
8. Sylvia and 10. Kristy:
Pocket it, and move on. If you know him well enough, you can return it washed and pressed later.
If you're out to make an impression, a hint of perfume might just do the trick. . .
12. P&P said the following at 12:15 PM on Mar 31:
I've always felt that handkerchiefs (it's not a hankie in my household) are a sign of class, but not the most sanitary.
A few basics:
1. If it's monogrammed linen from Brooks Brothers and from your loving daughter, it's for show, not your allergies.
2. Always carry a backup that's CLEAN (yes I'm yelling about this) to give to a woman who needs it. She can keep it as well. Make sure it does not fall into the category from #1.
3. Wash 'em yourself. A quick rinse in the sink as you're getting ready for bed is a good idea. It'll be dry in the morning if you hang it next to your towel.
4. If you are really sick, use a disposable tissue. By continually blowing your nose into the same piece of fabric, you're re-infecting yourself each time.
13. DannieA said the following at 12:27 PM on Mar 31:
I'm sorry I know that hankies are supposed to be manly and all that, but EWWWWWW that's nasty.....I get turned off by guys that blow their noses and then put the hanky back....that's disgusting!
i'm all about sanitary blowing your nose and throwing the tissue away....and using purell after.
14. Kristy said the following at 12:30 PM on Mar 31:
Thanks #11! And the "hint of perfume" suggestions reminds me of one time in high school...it was Spirit Week, the week before the Homecoming football game, and each day of the week had a different theme. For Opposite Sex Day I borrowed a long sleeved shirt and a pair of pants from a young man I had a crush on. I took the clothes home that evening to wash them, and added WAY MORE than just a "hint" of perfume. I could tell he was trying not to laugh when I gave him his clothes back the next day! Let's just say that relationship never developed quite the way I wanted it to after that haha... So ladies, beware: a HINT is really all that's needed:-)
15. Kirsty said the following at 12:50 PM on Mar 31:
I love this post. This reminds me of my Dad. You can always count on him to provide a hankie in those teary moments. I recommend the wash and return policy for a hankie which has been given in a moment of teariness.
16. Dan Gill said the following at 2:07 PM on Mar 31:
My father always carried a handkerchief, but I have never developed the habit. They seem too bulky for my pockets. I will carry a couple of tissues many times, and more when I'm sniffly.
When camping, hiking, or hunting, I always have a bandanna handy. It's a handkerchief in an emergency, but also a pot holder, an eyeglass cleaner, and a bandage at need. It seems that the clothes I wear during such activities have bigger pockets.
17. Leah W said the following at 2:11 PM on Mar 31:
I loved this!!! My dad carried a hankie when I was younger--never really thought about how "hankie" isn't a "manly" word. :D. Well, he still carries one around today.
He passed "the tradition" on to at least one of my brothers. It was near torment when your nose was raw, and you sneezed in church, but it's also really comforting know no matter where my dad is he's got his hankie I can borrow (in case I haven't replenished my stash of tissues in my purse. :D) And he also carries around a pocketknife--mentioned in the other article. :) I guess my daddy is a real man! :)
18. Mrs. Spit said the following at 3:46 PM on Mar 31:
I feel compelled to add, even 50 years ago, a well bred young woman would never have been without her handkerchief. Next to gloves and a hat, it was the mark of a lady. My mother still carries one.
And ladies, you return it, nicely laundered and folded. (folded in quarters, and if it's monogrammed, the monogram goes on top) Bonus points for a small amount of starch.
19. Kelly said the following at 7:39 PM on Mar 31:
I'm in the "ew, gross!" category.
Who knows how long it's been sitting in his pocket?
There's no way I'm going to throw THAT in my wash with the rest of my nice clothes, so that means it requires handwashing.
Handwashing is worse for the environment, given the wasted water.
So why don't men just carry a nice little packet of tissues? Better for all!
20. BDB said the following at 8:44 PM on Mar 31:
So if a guy who carries a hankie also shaves his chest, does the manliness factor cancel itself out?
21. skeeter said the following at 10:05 PM on Mar 31:
Yay! My Dad always carries handkerchiefs, too. (My first money-making scheme was ironing them for a nickel each - big money in those days.)
I carry them now since my children shred tissues and leave trails all over the house. And they are much sturdier than tissues, which is nice for those really emphatic sneezes...
22. Mariana said the following at 10:06 PM on Mar 31:
When I met my husband we were both in high school. I remember that on one of the first movies we watched together I started crying and he offered me a hankie. I was VERY impressed by that! It seemed so manly, so grown-up! Now that we are married I starch and press his hankies, and it still impresses me when he offers me one if I start crying.
23. Matt from DC said the following at 10:23 AM on Apr 1:
BDB,
You have me wondering about another important question... if the guy doesn't carry a handkerchief and doesn't shave his chest does manliness factor cancel itself out?
24. Saidahwk said the following at 9:42 AM on Apr 2:
My husband and I love The Art of Manliness website. I can't get the man to read anything else. lol
25. siewpeng said the following at 3:51 PM on Jun 3:
When my son's classmate had a nosebleed I offered him my clean hankie. His mum did not know what to do with the bloodied hankie. Boiled it in the washing machine. One down.
I wonder if this post might be of interest to other readers, given the swine flu business:
http://organically.blogspot.com/2009/06/when-did-you-last-disinfect-your-tissue.html
(from UK)