Firefly Dating
by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin on 03/09/2009 at 11:55 AM
Imagine if you could know that the cute guy you see every week at the grocery store has the potential to be your perfect match? What if you didn't have to wonder if that pretty girl in your class shares your love of sushi and old movies? A new technology may help compatible singles "find" each other, according to WSJ:
Students at the University of Maine recently announced a prototype for a wearable matchmaking device called the "Friend Finder." The gadget, programmed with information about the wearer's interests and tastes, features a series of LED lights that flash whenever another user with compatible interests is within 30 feet — allowing humans to mimic the romantic signaling of fireflies.
While the technology may sound progressive, author Dara Horn points out that its not really anything new. She should know. In 1966, her parents met and married through one of the first computer dating services: Operation Match. Her dad and mom each received a computer print-out containing six names of compatible singles. Horn's father took out all six women. This service may bear a resemblance to modern-day online matchmaking services, but Horn points out that our perceptions have changed:
What truly makes Operation Match seem quaint today was the absolute faith with which the computer's results were received. The wildly popular service processed more than a million questionnaires from students nationwide within three years, and its success reveals less about computer programming than about social norms. Baby-boomer college students, only a couple of generations removed from the arranged marriages of the past, had every expectation of marrying in their early 20s — and perfect faith that modern science could do no wrong. As my mother put it: "This was the ultimate science, the highest technology. The list of matches even came as a computer printout! Who could dispute it?"
Today's young adults searching for love are more wary of technology and its ability to procure a "soul mate." Online dating services and social networking sites can become non-threatening ways to check out the opposite sex — from a distance.
For a risk-averse generation accustomed to screening everything, the greatest challenge is simply gathering the courage to pick up the phone and call a stranger, no matter how "compatible" that stranger supposedly is. The idea of wearing lights that flash "I'm available" would hardly appeal if we were brave enough to break the ice ourselves. In an age of personal computers, we have become more impersonal: We have the technology, but we no longer have the guts.
Horn doesn't propose how to get back the guts — only that we need to. I agree. After all, the flash of a smile and resulting conversation is way more personal — and fun — than the flash of a wristband. In the end, technology can only do so much. Courage and intentionality are required to make something happen. As a woman, I appreciate when a guy takes a risk. "Friend Finder" or no.
1. BDB said the following at 12:33 PM on Mar 9:
It was an interesting article.
In college, they had a 'computer match' for incoming freshmen at orientation weekend. The actual event was a BBQ and square dancing, which can be a lot of fun when no one knows what they are doing.
There were two problems.
First, when I got on the committee as a sophomore, I learned that there was no computer. The questionaires were matched by hand. In a few cases, the people doing the matching thought it would be funny to match up people who were completely opposite on paper.
In some ways, this did't matter. A lot of the matched guys didn't show up. This left a number of preturbed women standing around their first weekend of college, wondering where their date was.
For those of us students on staff in our upperclass years, it quickly became apparent that we could just show up, find someone standing there with her arms crossed, looking perturbed, and ask if she wanted a different partner for the evening.
Never got turned down. It seems that 18-year-old are much more open to being approached than, say, women in their 30's.
2. BDB said the following at 1:05 PM on Mar 9:
It just occurred to me that the 18-year-olds who were not open to being approached probably never signed up for the dance - they were probably hanging out with "the girls" in their dorms...
3. NeedACatchyName said the following at 1:08 PM on Mar 9:
I would say the bigger motivation for most people in using this device isn't so much avoiding breaking the ice and intentionality, but rather is being able to find people in places where most wouldn't look. Even the most intentional guy isn't going to approach every young lady that is within a fifty foot radius everywhere they go every day and ask her about herself. Heck, even if someone tried to do that, they probably wouldn't get very far because that's (justifiably) perceived as creepy. Besides, it would take forever to, say, ask out every girl in Wal-Mart to see if she's the one for you. :) But if you had a device that alerted you that there is a girl that you're compatible with nearby, then you're more likely to seek out that one person since that's much more reasonable than asking every single girl in the produce section what they want in a mate. :)
Of course, that doesn't necessarily make this device a good idea, but I think it does provide some insight into one possible motivation for having one of these.
4. Suzanne Hadley said the following at 1:20 PM on Mar 9:
NeedaCatchyName (#3): It's like the dating version of geocaching!
5. Justin T. said the following at 1:33 PM on Mar 9:
@Suzanne (#4): Geocaching! You're my favorite commentator for the day, just for knowing what geocaching is.
I think these little devices could be a lot of fun. I kinda doubt very many marriages will result, but the occasional conversation with a total stranger with similar interests might be interesting, to say the least.
(And it wouldn't have to be a dedicated device... I foresee iPhone applications)
6. Kristen said the following at 1:37 PM on Mar 9:
I kept thinking of the phrase "opposites attract" while reading this article. Yes, similarities are good, but if we're too much like our partner, it can become a huge point of contention (somewhat like the idea that what bothers us the most about others is what we can be unwilling to see in ourselves).
7. NeedACatchyName said the following at 2:01 PM on Mar 9:
Suzanne's post (#4) is the first time I've ever actually laughed out loud at a Boundless comment. Great job!
8. Apollo said the following at 2:17 PM on Mar 9:
This isn't anything new, this technology has been available in Japan for years.
9. Cassandra Marie said the following at 2:56 PM on Mar 9:
The funny thing is, the idea seems to be about not missing out on a possible match, but it all depends on who is actually USING the device. My dislike of flashy accessories aside, I wouldn't use it simply because the available pool is actually reduced by using the device. If I'm going fishing, I'll use the old fashioned fishing pole.
10. Scott said the following at 8:23 PM on Mar 9:
I think this belies a societal line of thinking of "Oh, if we're "super compatable", then we're going to have a happy marraige and thus not have issues."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think people place too much stock in compatability, common interests, and all that jazz. While, certainly, they are not unimportant (it makes building a relationship much easier and gives you two common foundations to discuss), building a successful relationship requires effort and a willingness to sacrifice for the other person. People who are, in fact, rather different can (and do!) have happy marraiges.
Sometimes, you won't even know you like something until the person you're dating exposes you to it. :)
11. Chris said the following at 9:35 PM on Mar 9:
How long until some enterprising guy (yes, it will be a guy) hacks it so he can make a woman's device start blinking when he walks by? Don't get too upset. It can be a good thing.
"Oh, hey, look we must have something in common! What's that? Your boyfriend just got out of jail and is really jealous? Oh, look at that. It stopped blinking. Well, gotta go....."
12. Christina (in green) said the following at 9:22 AM on Mar 10:
What I find kinda odd about this is that this has been my approach to being in public for as long as I can remember.
I'm a home-body, so when I want to meet new people, it takes effort and I try to put myself in places, make myself look decent, and bring something to do that shows off my interests.
Like going to Panera and bringing a classic novel, or doing school work, or doing some Bible Study.
Or wearing a shirt that has my favorite band printed across the front (or some catchy, silly Christian shirt) and going on a canoe ride up to a popular spring and hanging out at the spring.
I put my interests on display every day. Its when you find someone who looks at the right time that something happens. Whether its in the form of blinking lights or an ACTUAL display of interest, people still only look where they want to.
13. Ashley said the following at 9:58 AM on Mar 10:
Heh. I like sushi and classic movies. I find this post amusing ;)
14. Adam Thompson said the following at 11:29 AM on Mar 10:
I'm not going to say these things are bad, but I see a variety of problems:
1: Just meeting strangers in the store who supposedly have similar interests is probably not the best, safest way to meet a spouse. I'm not saying it is wrong, just that there are better ways.
2: For this to work, you'd have to have alot of people using them.
3: There are a varieties of opportunity for abuse...hacking, spamming your device with interests you don't have so you match with everyone, etc.
4: I already said it, but there are better ways if you are that desperate to meet someone. One such option is to ask godly adults in your life to help you. I know of many instances this has worked very well.
15. brx said the following at 11:59 AM on Mar 10:
(#4) was funny. (#13) is brilliant!! ...all classic movies, or primarily Japanese films to got with your sushi?
16. Janice said the following at 1:01 PM on Mar 10:
This is mildly disturbing on multiple levels but the whole idea firefly dating makes me think of the Photuris fireflies (aka femme fatale fireflies) which just makes me laugh at the whole metaphor.
17. Jeni said the following at 2:52 PM on Mar 10:
There might be far better ways to meet someone; and I agree a smile and conversation is more fun than a flashing wristband. I also think it's good to take advantage of every opportunity! Maybe I'll try the "Friend Finder" next. So far the "better ways" of meeting people aren't panning out. I'm looking for some new methods & ideas. Even if it's a flashback to the 60's, it's new to me. ;-)
18. BDB said the following at 5:13 PM on Mar 10:
The OP wrote:
>>Imagine if you could know that the cute guy you see every week at the grocery store has the potential to be your perfect match?<<
Of course, there's also the opposite possibility - the cute guy's device doesn't start flashing, but the device belonging to the slightly overweight boring guy in the organic produce section does...
19. Kari said the following at 5:20 PM on Mar 10:
hmmmm I would LOVE to see this used, but not for dating. I'm just nosey and it is amazing to see who shares your same interests (it really is never who you would suspect!)
20. Scott said the following at 8:58 AM on Mar 11:
Well said, BDB. ;)
21. Heidi said the following at 11:32 AM on Mar 11:
It's interesting that our culture is at the point where people are more willing to entrust life-altering actions to technology than to friends, mentors, family members or themselves.
That said, it would be amusing, if nothing else...
22. Caitlin said the following at 6:04 PM on Mar 11:
Who wouldn't want to see a visual green light when things match up? A red light that says someone is taken...or those flashing yellow lights that tell you to be cautious.
That'd be great!
23. Matthew S. said the following at 10:37 PM on Mar 11:
Christina (in green) #12,
I like your attitude--it's great to get out of your comfort zone like that. It's a good way to meet people for ministry, friendship, or potentially deeper relationship. Pity there aren't more women like you out there. The guys at my church were talking the other day about how we sometimes have an "all male" college group--we have plenty of women who attend services, but it's disappointing how sometimes very few women even come to activities.
24. Keith said the following at 10:53 AM on Mar 12:
Friend Finder or not, one needs to have the courage to just go up to someone, take the risk, and ask them out. With me, after meeting a girl once, I just contacted her and told her that she was my soul mate, the one I had chosen to love, the one I wanted to be with for the rest of my life...and though she was obviously a bit confused, she eagerly accepted, and it has been a honeymoon since then......
25. Leah said the following at 6:33 PM on Mar 12:
I can see the difference between Operation Match and today's matchmaking websites. Operation Match did the work for you- it compared you to everyone else and told you who you were compatible with. Today's matchmaking websites do no such thing- they just give you millions of potentially compatible or non-compatible people to choose from and figure things out yourself.
I think the Friend Finder sounds pretty cool, though :)