Studying to be an SAHM
by Heather Koerner on 02/25/2009 at 12:00 PM
There's one scene that I've always distinctly remembered from the film Anne of Green Gables.
It's in the local schoolhouse. A group of older students, including Anne, are staying after school to take a special class to prepare them for the entrance exam to Queens College. Anne is seated while her "bosom friend" Diana begins to walk out of the schoolroom door.
Anne: Aren't you gonna be in the Queens class?
Diana (dejected and eyes down): Mother says I should concentrate on learning to run a household instead of pouring over books so much.
Anne (looking stricken and shocked): Oh, Diana. I feel as though you've tasted the bitterness of death.
Diana drops her head and walks slowly out of the schoolroom to dramatic, mournful music.
I can still remember the indignation I felt towards Diana's mother when I first saw the film. How dare she? Didn't she think that a young woman's mind is important? And how much do you really need to learn to run a household anyway?
The bitterness of death, indeed, I heartily agreed.
My indignation has, however, cooled in recent years. Not because I think that women shouldn't develop their minds. I do, very adamantly. Rather, I have more respect for running a household and the skills that it requires.
In today's Boundless article, "Study to Show Yourself a SAHM," I write about my attitude:
In her article, "Homemaking Internship," Carolyn Mahaney nailed my arrogant attitude:
Young women tend to assume that homemaking doesn't require any advanced skills or preparation. It's similar to what a sixth grader might think about a test covering first-grade material: What's there to study?
That was me: the sixth grader, thinking that being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) would be first-grade work. But that morning, sniffling amidst the burp clothes, was my wake-up call. This was no first-grade work.
I suddenly realized, too, that I had spent six years in college preparing for a career in which I spent five years. But I had spent no time preparing myself for the career that I was about to embark on for the next decade.
Watching Anne of Green Gables, I felt a little contempt for Diana's mother. Maybe I still do. But I've also realized that the "books only" approach I took in my own life was foolish. If I knew I wanted to place family and home as a priority, why didn't my preparation for life reflect that?
There's been much discussion on this blog about the choice of whether to become a stay-at-home mom or not. This article is not about that. It's about taking an honest look at life goals and being intentional about preparing yourself for them.
So, give the article a read. In it, I list five things that I wish I would have done (or wish I would have done more of) to prepare to be a stay-at-home mom. Maybe you know that you want to be a stay-at-home mom someday and would like some idea of how to prepare for it. Maybe you're thinking about it, but feel a little of the same "sixth grader" attitude I did toward running a household. Maybe you haven't decided, but you remember that statistic that I always share with young women. Or, maybe you're a SAHM and have your own wisdom to share. Wherever you are, see if you think the suggestions are helpful and let me know what you think.
1. DannieA said the following at 12:17 PM on Feb 25:
Maybe there needs to be some teaching on home responsibilities now. I always assumed it was passed down from mom-daughter...but apparently not.
My mother was harried from time to time but she always said that when you have a schedule and learn to be creative and multi-task..it goes along easier...I remember not being "directly taught" but indirectly like learning about finances, making budgets with my allowance etc..., doing laundry, taking care of stains, washing dishes by hand...even if we had a dishwasher...cooking dinner with mom, or breakfast with dad...
even now, I know that having kids will be a shock to the system I have, however, I believe that my mom's teachings will serve me well once I have that routine underway. (Perfect??? i don't think so, but it will happen...I"m sure of it)
2. ashley said the following at 12:33 PM on Feb 25:
hi! i just randomly found this blog through a friend's link and this totally hit home! not only do i LOVE anne (i am a fellow anne FAN!), but i too tasted the bitterness of death when diana was not allowed to study for the queens class!! i was the sixth grader scoffing at first grade work, when in reality it is not first grade work but definitely college level, at least!!! there are so many things i wish i would have done in preparation for mommyhood and wifedom. while i do not regret getting a college and master's degree for my own security purposes (you never know when i might have to start providing financially in an emergency situation, etc.), i have often wondered what my life would be like now if i had spent that SIX YEARS doing things like cooking school, learning to sew, heck...massage therapy school....ANYTHING to enhance my nurturing and organization/management skills!! this is soooo timely for me and puts my never-spoken thoughts right into words...THANKS!
3. Catherine said the following at 12:41 PM on Feb 25:
I loved this article! I completely agree. I am in medical school now, but I have started to appreciate how little I know about making a home now that marriage is approaching. I have been trying different things to educate myself about how to do a few things- make a budget and live off of it!, learning to cook every night (i use a menu mailer for working moms and freeze a bunch of stuff), reading books about healthy marriage relationships, parenting (well, my friends ask me those questions anyway and expect me to know!), and most of all, learning to clean. getting on a good, effective cleaning schedule is really difficult!
I hope more women will seriously think about what you have suggested and raise homemaking skills to the same level as career skills. Making the home a center of love and order is extremely challenging. doing it well can save your family a lot of money. i do hope churches don't think its beneath them to offer classes on this since most of us never learned. if they can offer classes on money, they can offer classes on this!
4. Sarah P. said the following at 12:44 PM on Feb 25:
Thank you for your article! I found it convicting, since there are so many things I know I don't know about raising small children. I am fairly confident I'll be able to homeschool well, but there are other skills that don't yet come as naturally. I've been working on them, but this is a good reminder to focus in on some areas further.
5. Buzz said the following at 12:54 PM on Feb 25:
I'd also have a problem if my daughter was pouring over books. It would create a sopping mess and ruin the books.
Now poring over books is another matter ... ;-)
6. skeeter said the following at 1:08 PM on Feb 25:
I have 3 kids (4, 2, 3 mo). Before #3 came I had gotten into a rhythm of house and children and was nearly caught up most of the time. Now I'm swamped. Abso-smurfly swamped!!!! I think maybe if I could borrow 3 more kids my life by contrast would be doable. (assuming I survived the week). How do I get back into a rhythm? Happy and swamped, I resume laundry folding until baby wakes up hungry. :)
7. Kate (who applied to law school!) said the following at 1:08 PM on Feb 25:
Bring Back Family and Consumer Sciences!
It's not the complete answer to why women (and men, actually) struggle so much with maintaining a home, but it's part of it. It used to be considered so important to develop life skills that they were taught in school- how to plan a week's meals, do laundry, balance a checkbook, care for children, basic home repair, etc. Now? Classes like that are rare.
I may have whined and moaned through home ec, but it did teach some useful things. And why we're at it, bring back shop too. Everyone should have basic knowledge of maintaining a home, and that includes basic tool use.
I think a lot of people learn indirectly at home, but
8. Louise from Chicago said the following at 1:14 PM on Feb 25:
Since "Anne in Green Gables" occurs in the old farming days, the dejected student could very well have been a boy stating his parents wanted to concentrate more energy on learning to do farmwork, then on "pouring over books."
9. Lynne said the following at 1:34 PM on Feb 25:
I'm not a SAHM, but I can certainly attest to the importance of passing homemaking skills on both formally and informally. I can't even begin to say I do well at any task involving cleaning (my husband says, accurately, that I'm cleaning impaired). But I LOVE to cook, and can be frugal as needed (though I do love my shoes). But after 19 years of marriage and 2 boys, here are my tips for homemaking:
1. Get your kids on a regular napping and bed-time schedule. Seriously, this makes a huge difference.
2. Make sure you, the mom, are getting plenty of sleep.
3. Trade skills. I can't tell you how much food I have cooked in trade and thanks to friends who have helped me clean and organized closets, shelves, baby clothes, etc.
4. Figure out the things that matter most to you, your spouse and your kids, and focus on those as the top priority.
5. No matter where you go with kids, always have extra snacks, toys, diapers/underwear and clothes.
6. HAve your kids clean up before they go to bed each night (I have trouble with this one, but it makes a huge difference)
7. There are a million money saving tips on the web, but once every couple of months, splurge on something for you and your spouse, that you will both enjoy. For us, it's usually a nice steak and a decent bottle of wine.
Well, those are just a few of my most important ones, that don't include things like...don't throw stinky things in the kitchen trash or label and date the things in the freezer.
My sons don't enjoy learning it, but it is my hope that in their futures, a well-trained woman will be impressed by what they do know.
10. Elizabeth H. said the following at 1:46 PM on Feb 25:
My basic observance is that child-rearing, like marriage, is a mystery.
I watch a mother with her child and wonder, "How did she know how to do that?" Some of it just comes with experience, I think. You can't predict all the special situations you will face, like having a gifted or disabled child.
I feel that a lot of what I've learned about homemaking from my mom was information that I absorbed. She did not sit me down and give me a lesson, but I paid attention and remembered some of it later, or called her up and asked her.
I definitely agree with the advice about pursuing God's heart, and I would rely on that to help me decide which skills to hone. I agree that it's good to build skills, but you cannot possibly learn it all, and can't predict which skills will best complement your future family life. So wisdom from God is definitely needed here.
11. Nicole said the following at 1:47 PM on Feb 25:
I'm fortunate that I had a mother who studied Home-Ec when she was in college and that I was able to take a year of home-ec when I was 12 years old. I learned how to cook, clean, and use a sewing machine and keep a food budget. My high school had a preschool within our building and I took a class called childhood development which allowed me to work with kids on a weekly basis. (a lot of the girls in that class were pregnant teenagers)They dropped that class after my sophomore year.
I was never able to take the personal finance class in high school, the one that would have taught me about credit cards, checkbooks, budgets, money management, because it was dropped from the required curriculum the year before I was to take it. I don't think schools even offer classes like this anymore and It would be hard for a girl to learn these skills from a mother who never really learned them herself. When I look back to my growing up years, the practical, everyday, taking care of myself things I learned are the most remembered and the most valuable.
12. JuliestD said the following at 2:01 PM on Feb 25:
Bibiliography, please! Does anyone have some good ideas of books that I could get to help me. I'm not yet a SAHM -- but I'm a work from home wife, who wants to be a SAHM, and I got hardly ANY training from my mother.
Specific books would be great -- I want to learn everything and anything. I'd sign up for a homemaking class if I knew of one!
I totally identify. I spent my whole life studying books about things which now I realize I have no practical skills.
If you read the entire Anne series, though, you'll discover that in Anne of the Island (where she goes to college) There is this interchange between one of Anne's friends (the flighty Phillippa) and Aunt Jamesina
"When I was a girl it wasn't considered lady-like to know anything about Mathematics," said Aunt Jamesina. "But times have changed. I don't know that it's all for the better. Can you cook, Phil?"
"No. I never cooked anything in my life except a gingerbread and it was a failure -- flat in the middle and hilly round the edges. You know the kind. But, Aunty, when I begin in good earnest to learn how to cook don't you think the brains that enable me to win a mathematical scholarship will also enable me to learn cooking just as well?"
"Maybe," said Aunt Jamesina cautiously. "I am not decrying the higher education of women. My daughter is an M.A. She can cook, too. But I taught her to cook BEFORE I let a college professor teach her Mathematics."
Anne of Green Gables the movie is terrible -- not even that close to the plot. The books, though -- timeless!
13. Rebecca said the following at 2:03 PM on Feb 25:
This is a topic close to my own heart. I was homeschooled for high school by an energetic, if not particularly skilled, SAHM. Her mother (my grandmother) was the consummate homemaker and did everything for her family, so my mother married young and started homemaking with few skills, even though she always planned and wanted to be a SAHM.
My mother started us cooking as soon as we could see the top of the stove and we were planning menus and grocery shopping (with her help) by the time we were 12. Cleaning house was always a family affair and we learned how to speed clean a 1900 sq ft house in 2 hrs. (These skills also came in handy when our family started cleaning vacated rental houses to pay for family vacations).
My parents figured I would marry young, settle down and start a family. I learned to feed, clothe and care for babies and children; to run a household like a veteran of many years; to save money and find deals like a survivor of the Great Depression; feed a family of 5 on less than $100 a week and so much more. But the marriage and the family did not follow.
God had different plans for me and when I started college at 25 I had so much more to offer my fellow dormmates and friends... I sat in the 3rd floor kitchen making soup and listening to college-girl sagas; we ate homemade bread and discussed hard professors and the dangers of sexual promiscuity. They loved the feeling of being home in the anonymity of dorm life.
Now I am 30, in a serious relationship that I hope will move to marriage, and still using the home and family skills polished in many years of apprenticeship with my mother and other women.
My intellectual pursuits have prepared me to engage in a relationship with a man who has a PhD in theoretical physics. I love research and writing papers and hope to pursue a terminal degree someday. But as I watch my friends struggle to keep their households from what seems like the brink of disaster, or the other professional women in my church throw up their hands at the difficulties of dealing with a toddler, I am reminded over and over again that I received a wonderful gift from my parents in their intentional pursuit of homemaking skills.
This if far longer than I intended. Just thought it might be helpful to share some of my journey... and maybe a few years from now I'll be writing about the joys and difficulties of being a SAHM:-)
14. Becky said the following at 2:17 PM on Feb 25:
I'm not trying to be insulting here but as I read the the article I thought wow all that education and still kind of clueless (I really can't figure out how to put it any more delicately) I also have a three month old son and a 2,000 sq ft house. My husband is deployed to Iraq so I am a "geographical" single mom. My husband left when our son was 3 weeks old so I've done it all by myself more or less from the beginning. Is it easier not having a husband around? No! I do all the repairs, all the chores, no one to help me walk the dogs or take the kid when he has done nothing but scream for hours. No one to run to the store for me, etc. I'm also working on my PhD and getting the house ready to sell. So if I'm not in the middle of revamping the room, its spotless. I've never had a moment of "I should have prepared for this" I've never broken down and thought this is harder than I thought it would be. I also never prepared to be a SAHM. Maybe I'm just lucky, maybe I developed skills without realizing it, maybe it just comes with being an Army wife but, really? I'm just at a lost for words on this and find it... insulting on some level.
15. Renee Linnen said the following at 2:18 PM on Feb 25:
Though I respect the spirit in which the article is written, I still don't understand whats so hard.
I am from NYC, I had tons of siblings, nephews etc. I have had to take care of since I was 5 years old.
I have been cooking full meals and cleaning the entire house from nearly the same time.
Is the issue just parents who let their children be lazy or clueless, versus actually learning advanced skills.
To me advance SAHM skills include CPR, organic gardening, car mechanics, specific culture cooking (not yur own)etc. But I am not going to be a SAHM, and my mom knew that so she did not teach me any of that stuff.
16. IMO said the following at 2:46 PM on Feb 25:
This post is insulting???
No offense Becky...your post sounds arrogant and full of snobbery.
17. Elisabeth said the following at 2:54 PM on Feb 25:
I've always wanted to me like my mom who was a stay-at-home mom until her all her children were older and had full-time jobs of their own. She also homeschooled us and some of my favorite times while being homeschooled were the days we went shopping, or spent half a day reading and half a day cleaning the house. It's been a growing experience that my husband has helped a lot with once I got married and had to do all the stuff myself, but it was nice to have all that knowledge and experience. My husband has been amazed that I've been able to make curtains and hem his shorts I guess because most girls my age have no idea how to use a sewing machine, but that was also one of the important lessons that we practiced over and over. I am so thankful that my mom took the extra time to let me "help" (although I know it was not always a help) in the kitchen, use her sewing machine, took me food shopping, etc. I know not every young adult has had that privilege and I'm grateful for it. I'm also thankful for Heather's insights and advice--as far as I'm concerned you can never have too much advice about motherhood and housekeeping!
18. BDB said the following at 3:06 PM on Feb 25:
I can think of a couple of facebook groups I could create:
I learned to garden before organic was trendy.
I can cook from ingredients.
Though I do find it very amusing that cooking skills and scientific training HAS been combined by someone:
Try to cook like an engineer. In Metric.
19. jpritchard said the following at 3:13 PM on Feb 25:
this article was one of the FIRST i've read on boundless about SAHM's & career that i actually agree with--whole-heartedly.
while i can completely relate to Caroline (comment #3)--i'm in medical school too, married, & trying to keep up TWO houses while my husband & i live in two separate states until May, at which point he'll leave for Iraq..., i can also see how this article might have come across as insulting.
to be honest...keeping up with a home seems to just *come naturally* for some women, regardless of their upbringing. other women, though, REALLY have to try. i'm wonderful at baking & cooking & sewing & crafting...but tell me to plan meals for a week & give me a STRICT grocery budget & i'm toast b/c i never cook with recipes & we buy the same things all the time. my mother-in-law, however, is an avid coupon-clipper & kept her grocery budget down to the dollar during my husband's childhood. we are BOTH "studying" our homes, attending to the needs of our families, & growing ourselves in the process...our methods are vastly different.
please correct me if i'm wrong, but the article was getting at INVESTING in your home--some women might see it as baking homemade bread & growing their own vegetables while for others it is just getting food on the table. neither is wrong & neither is better than the other...
i think my agreeance with this article comes from Heather's "find what works for you" attitude--each family is unique & nuturing yours in whatever capacity you have as a wife, single woman, or working mom (inside or outside the home!) will grow you closer to the joy the Lord wanted you to have as a woman :)
20. DEH said the following at 3:37 PM on Feb 25:
I wonder if part of the problem comes from girls growing up in homes with two working parents, like I did. I've been married four 4.5 years (no kids yet), but I have been astounded by how much I just never learned. I'm always asking my mom or dad (or even my husband) how to do something that I probably should have learned a long time ago. Why didn't I learn as a child? Honestly? I think both my parents were so exhausted after long work days that it was always just easier to do stuff themselves than to show me how. I really do feel like I missed out. For those of you who had parents, particularly SAHMs to teach you this stuff, please be grateful.
21. jd said the following at 4:01 PM on Feb 25:
so... i think i'll ignore posts 14 and 15. not exactily helpful. we all have different skill sets i suppose. i doubt running a household and raising children will just come naturally to me.
i feel like homemaking skills are sadly lacking in many young women... myself included. my mother taught me some things, but passed away when i was in my teens. in my extended family i was one of the youngest and never really was around infants and toddlers... so not much experience there either.
i also think a lot of parents these days are so focused on their children being super-smart and in every single activity under the sun that they neglect to teach them skills that may have seemed common sense in the past. spending unstructured time around nurturing parents would probably be more beneficial to children.
on another topic...
i haven't seen breastfeeding discussed as a something that those of us planning on being moms someday should learn about. many young women don't know the benefits (saves $$, healthier for baby and mom, etc.) and lack support from family/friends once babies are born.
how many of you planning on being moms someday have thought about how you will feed your baby???
22. Jessica said the following at 4:23 PM on Feb 25:
I really appreciated the honesty of this article. I did think homemaking was so simple and anyone with a few brain cells could do it. After having my son, those thoughts really hurt me and had me very close to depression. I had no clue what I was doing, an infant who screamed when he wasn't swaddled, and everyone telling me that the newborn stage was easy and of course I had time to just pop over to the store and get x on my way to y. Never mind that my son screamed the whole time that I was in the store. I thought I was the only one on the planet who couldn't get dinner done by 6 and had a week of laundry piled up. Anyway, I don't think anything would have helped me to deal with a colicky baby (I would have never believed it), I do think that if my homemaking skills had already been there, I could have at least kept up. Instead, I was learning new skills while also being completely exhasuted caring for my newborn.
For those who think being a SAHM is a breeze, just remember that your experiences may not reflet others. Some people are naturally gifted in homemaking skills, some people were taught or learned skills out of necessity at an early age. Some kids are easier to raise than others. If I would have had my second son first, I probably would have been pretty arrogant about my abilities. God didn't allow me to do that, because he gave me my hard baby first (and when my sweet one came, I knew it was nothing I had done).
Also, I think SAHMs have a huge range of things they can accomplish during their day-so while some may be working on their PhDs, keeping a spotless house, or organic gardening, others are mixing pudding paint and going to the park. It comes down to priorities. So just because one SAHM can accomplish something, doesn't mean that others can or should.
Finally, to Becky, my DH deployed 2wks after my 2nd son was born (he is 10mos now), and these 10 mos (with a 2yr old and baby) have been WAY easier than the first 10mos of my first son's life (when DH was here). So, I am not sure that it is necessarily true that you have it tougher (although it may be) than other SAHMs.
23. Ariana said the following at 5:40 PM on Feb 25:
I really appreciated this article. It gives a perspective so often missing from these discussions, that perhaps the stories of pull-your-hair-out frustrations of SAHMs don't necessarily represent the way things have to be, but rather the fact that much of our culture has basically forgotten that homes have to be run and you actually have to learn how to run one. Keeping house is an acquired skill.
A friend of mine has a husband in seminary and she would tell me about housekeeping and hospitality classes offered to the wives, and boy I learned a lot! And I was surprised by how much I didn't know. Just things that you really wouldn't think of unless you had been taught, or had been a housewife for years. That kind of education is really necessary.
I just can't envision the Proverbs 31 woman complaining at the end of the day about how much she didn't get done that day. The Proverbs 31 woman doesn't just give us a picture of a woman doing a lot, but a woman doing it well.
24. Rachael said the following at 5:45 PM on Feb 25:
I like the following line from the article:
"I needed to know that, without a doubt, my work for my family was kingdom work."
25. anon said the following at 6:03 PM on Feb 25:
I am a very bad housekeeper. My mother was a career woman who wanted me to be a career woman, and who never taught me much about how to keep house. I had to fight tooth and nail with my Mom for the right to take one year of Home Economics in high school. I still use the skills I learned in that class. I was single for a very long time, and didn't become a mother until late in life. However, may God be thanked, when I did have my baby, I seemed to rise to the occasion in some areas. For me, I did not really experience depression or anything like that. All I could think about was that, "I have to be on the ball. My baby is depending on me." If the baby's clothing was soiled at 2 am, I went downstairs right that minute and put it in the washer. By 7 am the next morning, the clothing was clean and sparkling again. Did not really have a problem taking care of the baby's needs. Did not feel overwhelmed. Now, I am not that great of a housekeeper, and now that my child is a little older, have reverted back to my old ways somewhat, but from my perspective, the feelings expressed by the author of the post were/are foreign to me.
26. Kellie said the following at 6:32 PM on Feb 25:
As a working mom I still have those reponsibilities. I don't have a nanny or a housekeeper or a cook. So, really everyone needs to know how to manage and run a household. (yes...in my opinion guys too!!)
27. DannieA said the following at 7:19 PM on Feb 25:
to #21
Breastfeeding is a topic that has a capacity to hurt women deeply because there are very deep opinions on either side....I think boundless is doing a good job skipping this topic all together....while yeah SAHM vs. outside working mom or other topics may be heated....Breastfeeding can really dig into deep mothering feelings....
I say find a support group or an avenue where you can learn things you want to know about feeding your baby and make that your own.
28. BDB said the following at 7:44 PM on Feb 25:
Interestingly enough, Boy Scouting requires scouts to develop many of the skills mentioned here. My merit badges include cooking, gardening, personal management (includes budgeting). Then again, in my family, everyone was expected to both cook and go to college, so, it didn't seem unusual. Until I got to college and realized other people didn't know these things.
I can't remember if my high school had Home Ec. It did have typing. I was the only guy in the class - I had a "feeling" that this computer thing was going to work out someday. But I regularly clashed with the teacher, who kept saying we had to hit "enter" at the end of each line, and I tried to convince her that the software was set up to let it wrap to the next line. She was trying to teach girls to be secretaries.
Then they invented e-mail. And blogs.
29. Joyce said the following at 7:56 PM on Feb 25:
Thanks for the article! I realized that I should do more in creating a community and being trained in homemaking.
Fortunately, I have a big extended family. We have fun and help each other in times of need. Maybe the only bad thing is that I am not really close to people. I would gladly help them but we have been taught not to burden other people with your problems.
On the homemaking side, I do not have much experience raising small children. Sometimes, I hesitate carrying little children because I want to be very careful with them.
Another thing I can improve is my speed and taste. I take my time in ironing, cooking and cleaning. I am the only one in my family who does not really like sour, salty or spicy food. So when I help prepare food, there is always someone else who will taste it.
30. CJ said the following at 9:13 PM on Feb 25:
I loved this article and totally agree. I always planned to be a SAHM, but never did anything to prepare. I guess I thought little elves would come to the house and do all the cooking, cleaning, organizing, while I played candyland and made cookies with my kiddos. I know I am not alone in thinking this-my SAHM friends are well-educated and think the same things.
My biggest tips are to get up before your family (nap with the kids if you need to), make a loose daily and weekly plan including plans for spirtual, social, and academic development, make priorities for your family and live by them, and learn from other moms, but don't compare.
31. S said the following at 9:32 PM on Feb 25:
Totally off topic. No need to post this.
Minor grammar point:
"wish I had done". Not "wish I would have"
In spoken English, there is a growing tendency to use "would have" in place of the subjunctive "had" in contrary-to-fact clauses, such as "If she would have (instead of if she had) only listened to me, this would never have happened." But this usage is still widely considered an error in writing.
32. Louise from Chicago said the following at 6:23 AM on Feb 26:
Comment 20, IMO it's hard to generalize on that.
I grew up with a SAHM (we called them housewives then, later homemakers) and as a child/teenage I never learned how to do household stuff either.
Had to learn in all after high school.
Especially the yardwork.
33. Leah said the following at 6:42 AM on Feb 26:
This article is really good. And women should really think about it.
I'd NEVER tell women not to get a tertiary education if that's what they desired. I got a Bachelor's degree. (In Aus, that takes 3 years usually). But I do believe a woman should balance what she thinks she wants to do with her life against how she's preparing for it. If she really wants to become a young mother, is it wise to spend 6+ years at medical school? In Australia you could get away with that because of how our student financing system works, but I believe in the US you still end up with a debt you have to pay off in most cases. I have a few female friends who went through 6 years of medical school (in Australia you can get an undergraduate medical degree in 6 years) only to a)get married and two years later get pregnant (and they want to be a SAHM so they quit their job) OR b) realise this isn't what they want to be doing and drop out of the industry.
Let me reiterate I'd never say a woman shouldn't do a long degree like medicine. No way. If you want to be a doctor and you don't care if you only get a few years of it, go for it. In Australia you can conceivably graduate from medical school by the age of 24 and work as a doctor for several years before becoming a mother if you wanted.
But don't just go and do a med degree for the sake of it when really your only intention in life is to be a SAHM. Unless you have piles of money lying around and you're not burying yourself into massive debt :P
Renee Linnen (15) - how did your mother "know" you were not going to be a SAHM? There are many women (some of whom have posted articles/comments here on Boundless) whose mothers were aggressive feminists who tried to instill the same values in their daughters, and now the daughters find themselves 28 years old and wishing they knew how to keep house and raise children- but their mothers were not interested in that, and so had never taught them.
Becky (14) - I think you've been really unfair. If you have only one baby- and a well-behaved one at that- life can be a breeze compared to women who have sickly babies or several young children.
I certainly don't understand how the article was insulting. It was acknowledging how difficult housekeeping can be sometimes and how many women would benefit from being taught it, rather than having to work it out themselves. How is acknowledging the difficulty of a person's work insulting to them?
DEH (20) - Just my experience in learning these things: my mother always insisted us kids helped with household chores. This required her showing us how to do it, so from then on she could say "Leah, can you please clean the bathroom/vaccuum/de-cobweb the house/ make dinner/ wash the windows" etc. Less work for her and she's teaching her kids
a) housekeeping skills
b) obedience!
c) team-work
Makes for a happier mother too :P
(FWIW, Mum was a SAHM til my youngest sister started school, then she worked part time. Mum would not have taught me many of these things til I was in highschool, by which time she was working part time).
BDB (18) - cooking in metric is a cinch ;)
Louise from Chicago (8) - very true. But you get very few boys these days who will potentially become farmers. There are far more women who will potentially become homemakers.
Rebecca (13) - your story reminded me of my grandmother. Please don't think I'm criticising the way your grandmother ran her family- I'm just relating my mother's experience growing up :) My mother's mother was the same- consummate homemaker who did everything for her children. Mum always says how growing up, she and her brothers were never required to help with household chores. (Of course, this prompts good-natured moans of "well why do you make US do housework??") If you asked her what she thought of that policy, she'd probably say something along the lines of "ridiculous". In her opinion, kids should help out around the house- while the mother is ultimately responsible for the upkeep of the house etc, the kids should certainly help out, plus it teaches them skills. So that's how she ran our household :)
Lynne (9) - I really liked your suggestion of "trading skills". I will have to keep that in mind.
Elizabeth H (10) said I watch a mother with her child and wonder, "How did she know how to do that?"
LOL, how true. I do it too! But something I've noticed (from talking to new mothers and reading blogs for/by new mothers etc, and even from my own feelings) is that we're probably more likely to try something we're not sure of with our own child than someone else's. I know if I'm looking after someone else's child, I'm always a bit tense over whether I am doing xyz right, because different families have different habits. ("Does this mother allow her child to drink undiluted fruit juice? Is he allowed to play in the mud? Am I supposed to comfort that baby if she's crying?") But I sometimes think "Well, I spose when I have kids, I'll do things my way (with educated advice of course)" ...there's nobody else who you might be crossing by doing something differently! I know this also because you hear the "experts" on TV who say you should do xyz and my mother scoffs and says she did abc... and I have to admit abc sounds a whole lot more sensible! So I know that going against what some people say you "should" do is not necessarily bad! :)
IN fact just tonight my husband and I had dinner at my parents' place and we were watching a TV show on three different methods of raising newborn babies... it provided for some interesting discussion ;)
34. kaj said the following at 7:47 AM on Feb 26:
BDB - Comment #28
Add Facebook to that! (:
35. P&P said the following at 8:42 AM on Feb 26:
Training young *people* to run a household is an excellent idea. I know B'less loves to expound upon SAHM, but the reality is that most mothers will have to work at some point, whether they like it or not.
Also, being a SAHM doesn't exclude you from knowing "men's work" like basic home repairs. Knowning how to unclog a drain, fix a window that won't stay open and fix a door hinge are essential. Women can't sit in a flooded house waiting for the plumber to come (at double emergency rates) or prince charming to rush home from work.
Likewise for men, learning how to do your laundry (and get the stains out), cook edible meals, budget expenses for day to day operations as well as emergencies, change diapers (if you plan to have kids) and know how to keep a house reasonably clean and uncluttered are not only survival skills, you'll make a better husband.
I have always believed that schools, both public and private, should develop a life-skill program for high schoolers. Cooking and wood shop might be "fun," but it would be better to teach basic home repair, budgeting, how mortgages work (we've all learned the hard way about adjustable rates) and the real cost of good food.
36. Margaret said the following at 8:56 AM on Feb 26:
I am extremely grateful for the opportunities I had as a child and young lady to learn the things that are important to running a household. It was still a learning process for me, but that base made it so much easier. At least I wasn't baffled and perturbed when presented with poopy diapers and the need to prepare three meals day in and day out.
37. Julia H said the following at 9:27 AM on Feb 26:
One thing that should be considered is how much harder it is to cope when experiencing post-partum depression, recovery from a traumatic childbirth (possibly surgery,) adapting to a newborn, and getting up every 2 hours to breastfeed, while keeping up with housework and being alone for much of the day - especially with other small children in the house. We should extend a great deal of grace to women who say they are tired and overwhelmed because we have not been in their situation.
38. Janice said the following at 10:32 AM on Feb 26:
The art of home making is just that: an art. The study, observation, practice, and perfection of should be highly valued. I have learned so much from the godly Titus 2 women in my life and have been intentional about using these skills to bless roommates, sick friends, and my family. Even if I never have a husband and children to care for/invest in, these skills are beautiful and practical!
I do have to take issue w/the whole Anne reference because I think she meant she was tasting the bitterness of death in the loss of time with her best friend because Diana's mother was reacting to other factors. Also, Anne honored Mrs. Barry by supporting her friend from afar not to mention the fact that Anne's life was a fantastic example of being faithful in each stage of life. If anything, Anne is an example of being a good SAHM because she consistently surrounds herself with women who mentor her and also invests in other younger women.
Then again, this isn't a literary analysis...sorry...I understand your point though and its an important discussion so thanks for bringing it up.
39. Heather Koerner said the following at 10:52 AM on Feb 26:
Rebecca (#13) and Janice (#38):
Thanks for the testimonies that homemaking skills are not only useful for a future SAHM, but for all of us, no matter our life stage!
40. Lynne said the following at 10:55 AM on Feb 26:
To Elilzabeth #10,
Here is my bibliography of books that have made a difference to me in my home/family life. Not all of them are from a Christian perspective, but they are all mostly compatible and quite helpful to me.
Housekeeping/organization:
The Messies Manual by Sandra Felton
Organizing from the Inside out by Julie Morgastern
(this book took my older son's room from a constant source of nagging/arguing/punishment, to a workable system that lasted 18 months before we needed to rework again!)
Childraising: So many good choices here
Focus on the Family's classics in our house include Bringing up Boys (a godsend since I was raised around all girls)
Dare to Discipline and their general child development reference book, strong willed child
Healthy Sleep habits, happy child, Marc weissbluth (saved my sanity after my first child)
The Epidemic by Robert Shaw (excellent!)
Caring for your Baby and Young child, birth to 5 the American academy of pediatrics
Parenting the Strong-Willed Child: The Clinically Proven Five-Week Program for Parents of Two- to Six-Year-Olds [Revised and Updated Edition] by Rex Forehand and Nicholas Long (Unbelievable good and full of good concrete information
I like some of John Rosemonds stuff too
The key is be consistent, empty threats are worse than no threats at all.
Marriage:
If I could only choose one book (and here I speak as a licensed psychologist who works with kids, adults and families)
Fit to be Tied by Bill and Lynne Hybels
I give it as a wedding and shower gifts
Work/Family balance:
Never check email in the morning by Julie Morganstern
Mentors are really important here
Well, that's a bit of information overload, but I never miss the chance for a book plug : ) Leftover from my intervarsity days...
41. Renee Linnen said the following at 11:02 AM on Feb 26:
To Leah 33:
You Wrote
Renee Linnen (15) - how did your mother "know" you were not going to be a SAHM? There are many women (some of whom have posted articles/comments here on Boundless) whose mothers were aggressive feminists who tried to instill the same values in their daughters, and now the daughters find themselves 28 years old and wishing they knew how to keep house and raise children- but their mothers were not interested in that, and so had never taught them.
I think you missed part of my post. The big issue was the laziness and naivte that some middle class mothers have built up in their daughters. As a black girl with 2 working parents from the ghetto, it would have been impossible for me to grow up without knowing how to take care of the house.
For those same reasons, my mother knew I would not be a stay at home mom. For one the marriage rate alone of black females (specifically in the inner-city) is about 1/4 that of white woman.
Second, black woman as a habit have had to work. Being a stay at home mom wasn't and isn't an option for 90% of married black women.
Third, break-ups are more common so the most important thing is getting an education and a career.
You have to learn how to do housework becuase you live in the house, not because you are "in training" to be a wife and mother.
Don't assume my mom was a"raging feminist", she was a realist. She watched her mom and all her aunts suffer because of their gender and race and decided that life wasn;t for her daughters. At no point did I say I can't cook, or clean, or take care of house. You made that assumption. The only SAHM skills I don't have are the hardcore ones I mentioned above, like organic farming, and all kinds of needlework.
But as a working woman, who is paying for her own education, I have to tell you there is no time now, and there will be no time in the near future to learn those skills.
42. Megan said the following at 11:20 AM on Feb 26:
My mom and I share a passion for old books. While I was home visiting, I picked up a 1912 book on "Homemaking Science", which covered such topics as etiquette, canning, tailoring, menu planning (a gallon of milk was listed at $.32 cents--fancy dinner for six at $1.65), being a hostess, making Christmas gifts, caring for chickens to get better eggs, gardening for preserving, dying fabrics, patching/darning clothes to make them last longer, making soap, exercise, and building a fire-less cooker from an old suitcase and asbestos insulation--Yikes! . . . and this was only book two, curriculum for public schools.
While in college, I was surprised to find that the majority of ladies in my dorm hadn't a clue about basic laundry, cooking, cleaning, sewing, and many other tasks in which I had taken my indirect-training for granted.
The older women in my Church were chatting on this subject recently and their general consensus was that we (young women) don't want or value their input in such matters--that we have an attitude of "It's none of your business to tell me how to . . ." yet, I and my friends have asked for such input and have tried to honor these women, but receive a response along the lines of, "You should know better--I'm too busy with grand-kids and red hat meetings to help."
Has anyone else experienced this in your communities/Churches?
Unless both sides come together, the gap will remain.
43. Mrs. Winn said the following at 11:27 AM on Feb 26:
Thank you so much for your encouraging words about being a SAHM :). I have not read the full article just yet, but I also couldn't wait to post my "thank you"!
I'm actually a newlywed myself, but the hubby and I have already survived one miscarriage, and he knows how badly I want to have a baby. I am currently a SAHW (stay at home wife), and I thank my husband for that every day! Even though I'm always home, there are just some days when you need a break from life. So I spend my day online blogging, or calling family and friends back home to catch up, or just go outside to be in nature!
I like what one of the comments said about preparing for marriage and she mentioned cleaning :). My approach to that is a "10 second tidy". Anyone remember the kids show "The Big Comfy Couch"? I have younger siblings, so I watch a lot of kids programs. Yes, I still like Saturday morning cartoons too! Anyway, the 10 second tidy is all about picking up what you can in a short amount of time.
I read a parenting article in a OB's office one time that mentioned only trying to clean for 10-15 minutes a day. I like this idea a lot! I can be a little OCD or paranoid about things around my home. Then again, I have an organized mind, so my home is always organized chaos. It's not that cleaning is not important, I just realize that sometimes having family around and a hot meal to share is more important then the chunks of whatever that are stuck to my floor, lol.
In my mom's home, if you were a first time guest, you got special treatment and came over to a spit-shined home on your first visit. After that, you're considered family, and we may even ask you help do the dinner dishes or take out the trash. OK, so maybe that's visits 3 and 4, but I think to see where I'm going with this :).
Over the years I've become more lax about a cleaning routine. Special events or parties we host, yes it will be clean. But if you drop by unexpected, what you see is what you get hunny. Life is MORE than just cleaning home or making sure everything is always in it's place (unless you're OCD like me). For me, it is learning to relax, go with the flow. Having a plan of action is great, but I learned through experience that God always flips my plans upside down and creates His own for me, so I just take things one day at a time now. :)
Thank you again for your words of wisdom for this SAHW!
God Bless!
44. Victoria said the following at 11:38 AM on Feb 26:
This article made me smile. When I got married 4 years ago, I did not know how to cook an egg or make rice. I couldn't bake brownies from the box. I have never written a check, much less balanced a checkbook. Our tiny apartment was always a mess. In fact, I didn't know that you had to clean the toilet, I thought it cleaned itself every time you flushed! Now my 2500-square foot home is immaculate and my husband calls me a gourmet cook! (Don't get me wrong, I'm still learning -- I can still burn the roast or let the laundry pile up to the size of Mt. Everest.) My point is that I don't think that homemaking, as compared to singing or drawing, requires any special talent. Anyone can learn to be a good homemaker if they have the desire and willingness to learn. If I, being completely clueless and inept, could learn, so can you! Now I just have to get some childcare skills before my little boy arrives...
45. Jessica said the following at 12:28 PM on Feb 26:
I want to second the rec for Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child. It is probably the book that helped me the most in any area of child raising (so far, my oldest is only 2).
46. Uta said the following at 12:44 PM on Feb 26:
I want to echo DEH's (#20) "be grateful" response.
Having come from the same background... both parents working, someone else coming in to 'clean house' while we were at school and no greater family "to watch how it's done" I learned only that they looked down on "having pride in domestic skills", and neighbours who kept routines (like Monday - wash windows, Tue - wash floors...) were ridiculed. Budgets? what are those? - whoever spend the money first was 'the winner'.
I think this post is GREAT! - I struggled immensely (inwardly and outwardly) being a homeschooling SAHM for 20 years to get my head and heart aligned.
to #12 JuliestD book request:
Kim Woodburn and Aggie MacKenzie wrote 'HOW CLEAN IS YOUR HOUSE?' with handy tips. &
Shannon Lush & Jennifer Fleming wrote 'SPOTLESS' - Room-by-room solutions to domestic disasters & also 'SPEED CLEANING' - a spotless house in just 15 minutes a day (because they recognised that knowing these things nowadays is just not the norm).
47. BDB said the following at 12:45 PM on Feb 26:
Leah (#33) wrote:
>>BDB (18) - cooking in metric is a cinch ;)<<
As I've recently learned, there's kind of a little battle going on in the cookbook community. It seems that the regular cook book publishers REFUSE to publish recipies with the incredients in grams. If they did, it would be much easier for those of us who have digital kitchen scales.
Sometimes I think systems can be improved on. For example, a laundry basic is to separate colors from whites. OK. Then doesn't it make sense to have separate hampers for colors and whites? That way, when the level gets to to right height, you know you have a full load of colors...
Anyway, I've noticed that living in your own place kind of forces the issue on learning to do stuff. I remember one Christmas at my uncle's. My cousin and I had both been living on our own for a couple of years. We just kind of fell into a rythym and cleaned all the dishes, the kitchen, etc. The rest of the family got really quiet. Eventually you get to the point where leaving dirty dishes in the sink just creates more work later, so it's better to do something about it now.
48. Heather Koerner said the following at 12:59 PM on Feb 26:
JuliestD (#12):
Here's a list of books from the Girltalk blog.
For marriage, I've always liked "Love and Respect." You can get it through Focus on the Family bookstore.
For cleaning, etc. I've gotten some useful tips from Fly Lady. I don't do her whole program (a little overwhelming IMO), but good tips.
For cooking, I'd recommend doing a new recipe every couple of weeks. Practice, practice. I'm still practicing.
49. Kristen P. said the following at 1:03 PM on Feb 26:
To Elizabeth (#10)
I am a wife of 4 years working outside the home and preparing to be a SAHM in about another 6 months. Books on "home making" that I have found helpful include:
I agree with Lynne (#40) that The Messies Manual by Sandra Felton is a wonderful resource for people who are tired of struggling with being messy. Her website is messies.com. Sandra's book Organizing for Life really addresses how to break free from the thought patterns and other internal issues that often keep many of us trapped in messiness.
Sandra Felton's books Living Organized, Organizing Magic, and Smart Organizing are helpful for anyone who wants to improve their organization (especially those of us who are "messies").
Elisabeth Elliot's book The Shaping of a Christian Family has also been inspiring and challenging to me. She talks about her childhood and how her parents influenced their children through daily life.
Edith Schaeffer's book The Hidden Art of Homemaking addresses many practical aspects of home life in a way that encourages you to use the abilities God has given you.
Happy reading!
50. Kristen P. said the following at 1:40 PM on Feb 26:
I'm sorry-- I meant to direct my post #49 of book suggestions to JuliestD (#12)
Also, I would like to add one book:
Once A Month Cooking by Mimi Wilson and Mary Beth Lagerborg has also been helpful to me. The book provides shopping lists and meal plans for preparing and freezing meals for 2 weeks or 4 weeks. Or, you can adapt the method to your own menu plans for any number of meals. It's pretty intense to cook so many meals at once but SO rewarding to me (in many ways) to have a plan and be able to quickly have meals ready any time.
51. JuliestD said the following at 4:50 PM on Feb 26:
Thank you everyone for all the book suggestions! You are so generous! I am shopping Amazon right now! :)
52. Amber said the following at 5:33 PM on Feb 26:
The older women in my Church were chatting on this subject recently and their general consensus was that we (young women) don't want or value their input in such matters--that we have an attitude of "It's none of your business to tell me how to . . ."
I've seen this problem with my grandparents generation in general. They are more willing to be negative and critical than they are to actually listen to me and give examples from their life or others. I actually don't have a problem with listening to advice or stories from my own, or my parents generation; but the generation above that can really rub me the wrong way.
I would add "getting along with in-laws" to the list. Mine are older since my husband is older, so we have that huge gap that you are talking about. They never say a good thing about my home, my children, refuse to give gifts at birthdays or Christmas, etc...and still are upset that I don't do what they want me to do as far as running my household and managing my children.
I like the article, but I think some of handling a household has to be experienced. I studied in college to be a teacher, and I don't think I learned much until I got in the classroom for a few years. You know, we all make different choices of running our houses that can make the experiences different.
It is not easy to have multiple small children, be breastfeeding (especially if you are not scheduling things down to a tee), be in a situation where you are almost or are a single parent, etc...
53. Leah said the following at 7:31 PM on Feb 26:
Renee Linnen (41) - I wasn't assuming you couldn't cook etc. I was making that comment about the women whose mothers were aggressive feminists and didn't teach them anything along those lines. Your story just prompted those examples (of women whose mothers, like yours, assumed their daughters would not be SAHMs.)
BDB (47) - I'll remind you I'm Australian lol... all our cookbooks are in metric! :)
54. BDB said the following at 11:01 PM on Feb 26:
Leah (#53) wrote:
>>BDB (47) - I'll remind you I'm Australian lol... all our cookbooks are in metric! :)<<
I wonder if it's the same publishers. Hmmm...do they put on weights of items for flour, for example? In the U.S. they still list them as 1 cup, etc.
What do you use for measuring cups?
55. Rachael said the following at 9:45 AM on Feb 27:
I was in a dentist office recently and really interested in a parenting magazine...think it had an original name like "Parents" or something...
If I get pregnant, I could imagine myself taking copious notes about advice...I don't know if I will, but I could imagine myself doing that. While all the tips might be fun and interesting, I hope I wouldn't be trapped to the advice, especially when likely lots of conflicting or 'different' advice would float my way...
56. Tamara (from Canada) said the following at 2:45 PM on Feb 27:
BDB (54)
Cookbooks in Canada are also in metric (our usually have both metric and imperial in them). When it lists "one cup" of an ingredient, that is often listed in the millilitre equivalent, for thing like flower, sugar, etc. A bag of something (ie. chocolate chips) would list the wieght in grams. It's really not nearly as difficult as it sounds. ;)
57. em said the following at 7:49 PM on Feb 27:
I loved P&P's comment about teaching people - boys & girls - life skills.
I'm sympathetic to both sets of comments from women here. Probably my life experience & personality but I understand where the women are coming from who wonder aloud what the big deal is about being an SAHM, I mean, how much preparation does it take? Women have been doing it for all of human history. Anyone can learn. On the other hand, there are few jobs harder than being an SAHM. There are no vacations, the work requires a great deal of creativity and yet many aspects of it are mind-numbingly dull and repetitive. Your clients are more likely to throw up on you than give you a bonus and you may go days or even weeks without a serious adult conversation.
So, for me, I think the emotional energy involved in the motherhood aspects of being an SAHM will be the most difficult challenge. And, for that, there is only so much preparation possible.
Both of my grandmothers were SAHMs. So was my mom. Odds are that I will be @ some point in my life, though I'm 27 & have no life partner in sight. My mom, partially for reasons that were beyond her control, taught me a little and I figured the rest out when it comes to the key skills of homemaking. I can't sew, except simple buttons or hems. But I can cook anything I want to from a recipe and a lot of things w/out one. I entertain with confidence if not perfection and very much enjoy hospitality. I keep a neat home, I'm frugal and I carry no debt. I've been a midwife to pigs, dogs, goats, sheep and cats. Although I haven't been responsible for the care of children very often over the past six years, I love children and have considerable experience as a babysitter for children baby to 12 and years of experience as a lay crisis counselor for teens.
Although I have learned a lot from many people, particularly older women, I never had the sort of home ec / household management training that Carolyn Mahaney advocates. My mom taught me the basics of cooking when I was about 8 but I learned most of the rest on my own, over time, and managed the house essentially on my own after age 12, with little help from my mom.
Now, I have my bachelors degree and I'm doing the full time professional bit.
I don't think you need the equivalent of a university education to be an SAHM. You do need to be adaptable, willing to learn new things, and not be afraid to ask for help. And, then, trust God for all the grace you need. Sometimes its hard and you may only do it for a season but everything worthwhile requires sacrifice. Kids benefit a great deal from having at least one stay at home parent - mom or dad.
58. BDB said the following at 11:38 PM on Feb 27:
Thank you Tamara (#56).
It's too bad they don't yet publish the weights of things like flour. I think a lot of people would like having the weights so they could just use their kitchen scale and measure precisely by weight.
Perhaps that will be a future opportunity...
59. Bertha said the following at 11:46 AM on Feb 28:
I don't mean to step on any toes, but why are household skills only the business of a SAHM? I would think that anyone, male or female, single or married, working or not, needs to know the basics of cooking and cleaning if they are wanting to live on their own.
60. Ashley said the following at 3:03 PM on Mar 2:
This is so my heartbeat! I am a 20 something girl, not married, but have felt God prepare my heart over the past few years of what it will be like to be a SAHM. I love that this is such a hot topic at Boundless because I was that girl a couple of years ago, so uninterested in being a homemaker. As God has changed my heart, I see so much of what you said being lived out now and I consider myself blessed to have this viewpoint early on. :)
61. Leah said the following at 7:14 PM on Mar 2:
Em (57) said what the big deal is about being an SAHM, I mean, how much preparation does it take? Women have been doing it for all of human history. Anyone can learn.
You claim that just because "women have been doing it for all human history", that it clearly doesn't take much preparation. Wrong. Those women had years and years of preparation- they were being taught housekeeping their entire lives by their mothers, aunts and grandmothers. By the time they started their own home at, say, 19-23, they'd had fifteen years of practice in various housekeeping skills. The point here is that that is no longer happening (not as much, anyway).
I think Carolyn Mahaney advocates such housekeeping classes because girls are not being taught many of these things in the home.
Bertha (59) - of course everyone needs to have a certain housekeeping skill set. But mothers (particularly SAHMs) need skills others don't- raising children at the same time as keeping house.
62. justine said the following at 4:42 AM on Mar 3:
I know it's been a few days, but I keep replaying these comments in my mind.
To comments #27 and #21
21 you are right! Breastfeeding is something else to think about BEFORE having a baby. The benefits to mom and baby are countless. It even releases hormones in mom which decrease her stress level!
#27
while this was a great article, It did not skip feeding the baby--the article clearly mentions saving money on baby formula. Nursing is free!
Also, I can't even begin to understand how nursing a baby could hurt your feelings. It is another learned skill that mothers should aquire. While I have successfully nursed all my children, there are other areas in which I have failed. I stink as a cook! But instead of getting my feelings hurt, I get tips and instruction from those who are good at it!
As a mother, don't bother carrying excess guilt around. If you didn't succeed in nursing your baby, it's not the end of the world. We always want what is absolutely best for our kids, but it doesn't always happen. We have to press on and do better next time :)
63. SHP said the following at 6:53 AM on Mar 3:
BDB (#58):
If you use european recipes, it all goes by weight. Half my books are like that (the ones that came with me to North America). You can also find some tables giving the correlation between volumes and weights for stuff like flour, sugar, etc. Personally, I prefer to weight the flour (the result is much more accurate).
64. Sarah P. said the following at 8:16 AM on Mar 3:
Leah (#61): I think Em's comments on the ease of being a SAHM were tongue-in-cheek, playing devil's advocate. Sort of like when Paul writes, "I speak as a man..."
I think most people in ages past learned their homemaking skills growing up because they had to, since their homes required all the help possible from every family member. Now the skill set is different, and parents don't necessarily need the kids' help.
In my family, since we were homeschooled and my mom was also very busy with our business, all of us kids definitely learned many skills growing up. Everything from cooking dinner and teaching kids to read to working in a mailroom and laying out magazine pages. :D
65. saidahwk said the following at 1:43 PM on Mar 3:
Well, there are a few colleges that still have home economics majors. The only two that I've found are in CA. The Masters College and Point Loma Nazerene Universtiy. I've been thinking about whether or not women would be interested in, more or less, "mommy school." I mean, we spent the last few decades running from it, but now we all need it, you know? And who's really going to trek out to CA to get another degree? I think it's a good idea. What do you think?
66. Leah said the following at 7:15 PM on Mar 4:
Sarah P (64) - devil's advocate or not, the point is still being put forward to be addressed, isn't it?
67. BDB said the following at 11:07 PM on Mar 4:
SHP (#63) hey - are any of those books in English? I wonder if that's where the idea started, and the American publishers are resisting. Publish the names of them if you can.
I agree, things measured in grams are much more precise than measured by volume in a measuring cup.
saidahwk (#65) you're right that most colleges won't have a home economics major. It is possible to assemble courses ranging from cooking to canning to early childhood development. They are probably not offered for college credit, perhaps as extension or "enrichment" classes.
I took a baking class when I was 10. Once I realized all you had to do was read the recipe card, the rest was easy.
Anyone have a side-dish suggestion that goes with artichoke chicken? I have a potluck next week and I'm willing to try a new recipe :)
68. BDB said the following at 11:18 PM on Mar 4:
Incidentally, there USED to be classes for this. My grandmother was president of the state Extension Homemakers. They taught classes on everything from raising children to canning food to quilting to gardenting, etc. etc. etc. That's part of the reason I know how to do all this stuff - my dad grew up on a farm and my grandparents maintained a 1/2 acre garden well into their 80's. My family was organic before organic was trendy...
But, more quietly, many of those classes were offered for women who didn't know what to do. They might not know how to prepare nutritious meals for their families. There have always been dysfunctional families, and Extension Homemakers provided a way for the more skilled women to help these women pick up skills they didn't grow up with. It was run as a program through Washington State University Extension.
In fact, they still have publications service for home and family subjects. You can also google "Extension Homemakers" for your state.