Young Married Readers? | Boundless Line

Young Married Readers?
by Steve Watters on 01/21/2009 at 1:55 PM

Every week or so we hear from a reader who has gotten married, but still finds a lot to enjoy about Boundless. The question they tend to ask a lot, however, is "Where's the Boundless-like resource targeting young married couples?" Well, that's one of our big projects for this year.

But we need your help. If you're among the 10% or so of our readers who are young married couples, would you post a comment letting us know how you think we could best serve, (encourage, inspire, support) you?

Marriage & Family | Mail This | Share on Facebook

Comments

You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

1. Jessena said the following at 2:26 PM on Jan 21:

Hi Steve,

I'm not sure if I'd be classified as young, my husband is 26 and I'm 28. It would be great to see some of these topics discussed:

Sex and intimacy - the jump from purity/virginity to "be free" and adventurous in the bedroom is a nice sized jump :-)

Home Life - How to share responsibilities in keeping the home, adjusting to living with each other, organization, "best practices"..(smile!), still giving each other "space", finding shared recreational activities, having an exciting marriage, sharing time, growing in humility, patience, forgiving, sacrificing; keep the "fire" burnin'

Family Life - How to interact and grown relationship with in-laws, merging of friends and developing new friendships, joining the families, sharing private information with moms/dads/siblings/friends

Kids in the mix - pregnancy, raising children in each age group, how husbands can support and SHOW APPRECIATION for what their wives do, balancing work and home life, in addition to our current authors, add an author who works outside of the home part-full time, discipline, discipling, etc.

2. Leann said the following at 2:29 PM on Jan 21:

Hi! I'm one of your married readers coming upon our 3-year anniversary in March. I guess I would like to see some articles that don't focus on "don't to this!" before marriage. Maybe some, "if you did do this, here's some ideas that might help you" articles. Does that make any sense at all? I see a lot of prevention articles but very few articles on how to help the situation afterward.

Or just some articles on the first years of marriage, without kids. A lot of marriage blogs are all about parenthood, which is great, but doesn't fit all dynamics (like me).

I'm really glad to see Boundless approach this subject!

3. Jordan Peacock said the following at 2:30 PM on Jan 21:

My wife and I are turning 24 this year, and will likely have our second child by year's end.

We're also looking toward adopting children 3, 4 and possibly, 5 in a few years (perhaps siblings).

So we've greatly enjoyed articles on adoption, dealing with children, and on juggling priorities.

And it's just good to know there are other people in our shoes.

4. DEH said the following at 2:43 PM on Jan 21:

I'm one of the young marrieds (without children as of yet) and I would be greatly blessed by anything that prepares me for the day in the hopefully not-too-distant future when my husband and I will be parents, be it about child rearing or education or finances. I also would be greatly encouraged by anything teaching me how I can be a greater blessing to my husband. I know he deeply desires my respect, and sometimes I'm just not sure how to model that behavior to him so that he is encouraged.

Thanks so much!

5. Grace said the following at 2:44 PM on Jan 21:

My husband and I are 23 and have only been married a few months. I would love to have articles with not only theological perspectives (which are great), but also some good practical application!

There are a lot of voices in the world telling married couples things about independence, looking out for #1, etc, but I would like to see some articles about serving one another.

How a wife can support her husband in his endeavors, how a new husband can grow in leadership, how to grow in your faith together, etc

6. Julia said the following at 2:46 PM on Jan 21:

I am 27 and I've been married 5 years now (almost.) I'd like to see fewer political articles and more articles that are encouraging in tone and that focus on practical advice for young married couples. Some of the issues I would like to see addressed (because these are things my husband and I are dealing with) are:

how to deal with infertility
home ownership
dealing with finances/debt
how to decide when/if you are ready for kids
conflict and communication
dealing with religious/denominational differences that come up in marriage
chores and equitable division of household duties
feeling isolated and "not in any group" when you are married with no kids - you don't fit in with the singles and you don't fit in with the majority of marrieds
how to maintain strong family ties without inlaws meddling
helping a spouse with mental illness

7. Tamara said the following at 2:46 PM on Jan 21:

That is SO exciting!! I was just wishing the other day that you had a resource specifically for young marrieds. I've been married a month and here are some things on my mind:

1) How to bless my husband through homemaking. There's been so much redefining of women's role away from the "June Cleaver" model that I feel like we've lost the view that it can be a ministry. How do I manage our home so it's a blessing, even while working, involved at church, etc? Homemaking has got to be about more than who does chores, so what is it about?

2) I think about everyone in our culture needs to not only have the incorrect view of sex removed from our minds, but have it REPLACED with a right one. We've guarded our purity for so many years--now what? What is it that we've saved for? How do we bless one another physically? How is the spiritual involved? How do we switch mindsets from simply, "Modesty, modesty, modesty" to, "I'm allowed--even encouraged--to be sexy for this man?!"

3) How do we lay a good foundation for the rest of our lives? What habits, attitudes, etc should we develop now?

4) How do we establish a new family unit? Issues like developing independence from parents while continuing to seek their wisdom, transferring trust to one another, finances, establishing traditions, etc?

5) What does Biblical leadership and submission really entail, at a practical level?

If you did exactly what you're doing with Boundless except made the topics young-marrieds specific, it would be amazing! I am so very excited! I pray God gives you His wisdom and vision.

8. Jessica M said the following at 2:46 PM on Jan 21:

I'll be married in July, so I would love to see such a resource!
I'm afraid I can't offer any suggestions for what to include though.

9. jpritchard said the following at 2:47 PM on Jan 21:

I would LOVE a focus on young marrieds on The Line. I'll be honest with you ("you" being the column writers), I've really been struggling with the messages you are giving to young, engaged couples. It is not that I disagree with them...instead, I find them to be a little too "directional", if you will. For example, while I realize that God may call *most* women to stay at home full time with their children, there doesn't seem to be much talk about how to handle the interim time...and the guilt I've gathered from many articles targeting to-be-marrieds about preparing for the future STRESSES ME OUT--not to mention makes me feel like a bit of a failure as a mother in pre-motherhood for pursuing a career while our nest is still "empty".

I'd also like to see more TEACHING, more STORIES, more LESSONS...& perhaps a bit less instruction (think "do this...or else..." sort of instruction). In other words, TEACH me how to respect my husband, share STORIES with me of young couples & their commitment to each other & how God has blessed that commitment; TEACH me how to support my husband who is in a job he doesn't like with a boss who isn't a Christian in a part of the country where we know no one. Make sense?

More TEACHING. Less TELLING.
More REAL LIFE. Less "THIS IS HOW TO LIVE".

10. Amber said the following at 2:47 PM on Jan 21:

I'm 22, my fiance is 25, and we're getting married in May so I'm guessing by the time you start this up we WILL be a young married couple!

I agree with Jessena's comment about about Sex and Intimacy. I'm worried that I will feel "dirty" and "wrong" and will not be able to enjoy sex with my husband once we're married. I'm working on that, but I have an feeling that will be a future problem for me.

One of my main concerns is simply serving my (future) husband to the best of my ability. I want to learn all I can about submission and being a Proverbs 31 wife to him. I've always been a strong and independent girl, and to be honest, I struggle with pride A LOT! Serving and being submissive in marriage is something I want to learn more about and grow in.

11. Julia said the following at 2:48 PM on Jan 21:

I thought of another possible topic: what to do if you don't like your spouse's friends.

12. Christina (in green) said the following at 2:48 PM on Jan 21:

Some things that would be interesting from a biblical perspective:

- Balancing work and home care while dedicating the necessary time to making a marriage work.

- Spousal communication, cooperation, and grace in the "little" things.

- Female submission and trust in husband leadership and decisions.

- Tips and Tricks to moving from two incomes to one when planning a family.

- Dealing with college debt and the stresses in new marriage when paying it off.

- Church participation as a newly married couple - including differing denominations, balancing home time with volunteer activities.

- Oh...and something I've been finding it difficult to find resources on...combining finances and setting up a new household budget for newly-weds. There's a LOT of stuff to remember to do like accounts and investments and questions to ask when combining stuff and i can't find any compact resources without having to buy a 50-100pg self-help book on the subject (which may or may not be what I'm looking for). There's budget sheets at Crown Ministries, but nothing that walks you through the decision making stuff.

I'd think it best to focus on newly-wed transitioning and getting from singlehood to couplehood cuz I know FotF has resources for married folks, though their stuff tends to be more geared towards seasoned marriages.

Although, I've seen nothing that resembles this site so far...and I love the discussion and the blogginess of it...which you don't have in the relationship resource section of FotF...except for forums. And I'm not certain i'm a fan of forums.

13. Christina (in green) said the following at 2:51 PM on Jan 21:

I second #1 on growing in a healthy relationship with in-laws!

14. Married said the following at 2:59 PM on Jan 21:

Oh, I am SO happy to hear that this is in the works!

I would agree with all the ideas Jessena (#1) had - I would add to that:

-birth control - the pill? not the pill? other ideas? This was a huge issue for my husband and I when we got married with precious little resources to turn to for advice.

-dealing with the baggage of previous relationships (particularly if they were immoral - and ESPECIALLY if one spouse remained pure while the other didn't) -- PRACTICAL tips for both the spouse who was in those relationships (how to keep the past in the past), and the spouse who remained pure (how to forgive, deal with curiosities & questions, etc).

-Communication - how to be "more than roommates" and to really become one in every way.

Just a few ideas. Can't wait to see this happen!

15. N said the following at 3:06 PM on Jan 21:

I'm glad you're starting something up for young married couples! My husband and I are about half way through our first year of marriage. I'd love to see some advice/articles on moving and getting established in a new place and church. (How to deal with loneliness, especially if you're at home/only working part time? Tips on getting involved in a new, primarily family-based church? Recommendations on nurturing not just time together but quality time?)

16. Kit said the following at 3:06 PM on Jan 21:

Just married as well and would love to see:

In law articles

What to do if you don't like spouses friends-yes!

Which arguements to pick and which to let alone

Finances! Finances!

Purity within marital relationship and how to handle brand new sex life after having to withhold for years and years and years

17. Brian K said the following at 3:11 PM on Jan 21:

As a non-young-but-young-married, but I have been involved in a group that went through a book that was an excellent combination of theology, application and winsome empirical data (stories). For anyone interested, it's The Most Important Year In a Man's/Woman's Life. I would be interested in the same blend here. In our group (and the other young marrieds I know), it is always an isolating event (leave your father and mother…..and often your singles group, rearranging your schedule pulls us away from time with friends, etc.). So I would say:

Encouragement (we’re not alone, it can be done)
Theological Admonition (The bible is clear for so many things)
Practical Admonition (older couples have been there, what is their practical advice)
Helpful resources (though the FotF site is replete with these!)

18. Kellie said the following at 3:27 PM on Jan 21:

I would love to see some encouraging articles for working moms.

19. Rachel said the following at 3:28 PM on Jan 21:

I'm so excited! I still browse through Boundless, even though most articles don't apply to my married life.

I would agree with everyone else! My husband and I are headed onto 4 years and I'd love articles about homemaking. I'm still working and the Lord hasn't blessed us with kids yet, but homemaking is still my heart and he has really been challenging my "worldy" view of home life. I really respect your strongly Biblical stance and eat up any articles about being a woman keeping her home.

The same would apply to articles on parenting, loving your husband, staying out of a run, growing in Godliness together and anything else you want to give us!

Thank you so very much!

20. Cassandra said the following at 3:37 PM on Jan 21:

I have been reading Boundless since I was 26. My husband and I married at age 19 and are now approaching our 10 year anniversary. I've enjoyed Boundless for insight it's given me into the male mind, and to better interact with my single friends.

The largest problems my husband and I experienced early in our marriage were related to finances. Articles on how to make the transition to joint finances would be great.

The other problems we've experienced resovolved around issues of wifely submission and husbandly sacrificial living. These concepts are counter cultural, and proved to be our biggest obstacles related to our decision about career, opening a business, and having a child.

21. Kelly said the following at 3:39 PM on Jan 21:

This is a great idea; can't wait to see it.

- Second the recommendation for "The Most Important Year in a Man's/Woman's Life." We read this on our honeymoon and still appreciate what we learned.

-Part of newlywed life is venturing into intimacy - what does "normal" look like? It's hard to not expect your sex life to look like what you see in the media.

-Information on when to have kids and how get to know other married couples

Thanks!

22. BDB said the following at 4:20 PM on Jan 21:

Hmmm...I'm probably not supposed to comment here. But I think that FOTF has a lot of resources in this area that you can draw on and organize.

For example, the FOTF-endorsed Love and Respect is written exclusively with the marriage relationship in mind. But there's quite a bit that probably would be useful for single people to think about, too.

One example is couples that come in for counseling after a year of marriage because the wife started trying to change her husband immediately after marriage. I know lots of single people who sever the relationship with anyone who tries to "change" them, and I've also known people who were adamant that after marriage, their husband would "change." The balance between personal growth and wanting to be accepted as you are is one worth discussion.

The main innovation of the book is how wives ought to be treating their husbands with respect. Indeed, I know a number of single women who are unattractive precisely because they are so disrespectful to others. Similarly concerning are those who are very sweet to their significant other, but terribly disrespectful when speaking of co-workers, exes, store clerks, etc. I always wonder if they'll explode someday if their spouse disagrees with them.

As you build this segment of the ministry, I would encourage you to also look for things where people realized that what they believed about marriage when they were dating was wrong, and how they had to adjust. I think that would help the single Boundless readers identify which of their dating expectations might be irrelevant.

23. BDB said the following at 4:24 PM on Jan 21:

Christina (in green) #12 wrote:

>>- Oh...and something I've been finding it difficult to find resources on...combining finances and setting up a new household budget for newly-weds. <<

You know, the couple that teachers our newlywed class at church keeps teasing me that I should teach this. Maybe I should plan to write a workbook with DVD or something...

24. Morgan said the following at 4:28 PM on Jan 21:

I second #13: birth control and principles of family planning.

25. Chelsey said the following at 4:44 PM on Jan 21:

I'm getting married in three months. I'd love to see more about what to expect in the first few months of marriage. And how to prepare for having kids. My fiance and I aren't planning on using birth control and so we have a lot of financial, personal, etc. decisions to make in the coming months. I would love to see more about this.

26. Michael Bertrand said the following at 4:49 PM on Jan 21:

My wife and I have been married three years. We have two kids under three and I'd love to see a Boundless type resource that deals with:

1. Practical and realistic Biblical solutions for dealing with the frustrations and difficulties of child rearing. Kids can really get under a parent's skin sometimes and we need all the support we can get.

2. Finances.

3. Meeting other young marrieds.

27. Tami said the following at 5:04 PM on Jan 21:

OK, I'm with BDB in the "I guess I shouldn't be posting here" segment, but I too would appreciate see dating, engagement, and new-marriage material from Emerson Eggerichs. I learned SO MUCH from the Love and Respect book, but it really does seem geared towards the "we've been married double-digit years and..." set. It'd be nice if he had things that were geared towards stopping the problems and misconceptions before they had a chance to start!

I think I've said this here before, but I've learned more about healthy relationships from marriage books than dating books... Eggerichs' and Thomas' in particular. Also Mike Mason's book is beautiful. More philosophical than practical, though.

28. Kristi said the following at 5:17 PM on Jan 21:

It would be great to hear more about how to balance everything - work, chores, single friends, old college friends, new married friends, in laws, still dating, finances etc. Our biggest challenge has been finding a church with people who are our age, we both went to a church that encouraged a lot of fellowship between generations in college which we loved, but where we now live every one is married with multiple children it seems, or still living the single life and its very hard to fit into one of those groups.

29. Kelly said the following at 5:31 PM on Jan 21:

(I shouldn't be posting here either, but....)

I'd really love to see positive stories, about how married life is good! And the joys and rewards that it brings, even if there are no children.

30. Saidahwk said the following at 5:36 PM on Jan 21:

Didn't take the time to read through other answers but...

-dealing with the guys mindset vs. girl mindset in your sex life
-home making
-going through school while married
-the period of a woman's life between marriage and kids
-figuring out finances together
-expectations vs. reality
-relocating and finding churches
-how to build up your spouse (especially in this time of financial disaster)
-how to deal with disagreements and how to difrentiate between things to find an agreement on and things to "agree to disagree" on.
-how to build family and community if you don't have it already.
-mentorship
-a reading list
-family friendly career planning (especially for those who are or who intend to be stay-at-home-moms)
-dealing with culture backlash (you're HOW OLD and married?) lol
-how to live frugally! lol.

31. Mac said the following at 5:48 PM on Jan 21:

Married for three years -- woah! Make that four! Boundless has helped a lot with our quest to let me be a stay home mom, and now I'm home, due with our first in one month!

I can't help but echo many of the other posters and say, the purity thing was tough, but we had lots of resources back then. I felt kind of isolated in that first bit of marriage, even with a couple good Christian sex books. I'd say, the thing my marriage would have benefitted most from would be more open discussions about sex. There's issues I never would have anticipated. I still have questions about what is or is not Biblically permissable, as even the books I've read seem to vary on it, and I can't seem to make up my own mind from Bible study. What about sexual difficulties? Not everybody is lucky enough to have it all just work from the get go. How do we deal with it when one wants it and the other doesn't? I hate having to turn to mostly secular sources to answer these questions. It took us over two years to finally get a "satisfying" sex life: and that could have been easier with better resources, and an understanding of what ISN'T dirty within marriage. FotF could use an entire sub-ministry devoted to strengthening couples in their sex lives! It makes SUCH a difference in the whole marriage.

Also: more articles about family planning. It seems like Boundless advocates having kids early and till you just physically can't anymore, but they never come right out and say it. And they never discuss what steps one has to take to make such a lifestyle possible.

There are many other possible ways to help out newlyweds, but many of them are provided by the other branches of FotF.

By the way, less politics, please! You have so many great resources in Boundless, but I'm embarrassed to recommend this site to my democrat friends! Abortion is one thing, but the rest has little to do with the mission of this ministry, and, unfortunately, just offends our friends on the left. (I say this as someone who is possibly politically to the right of Ted Slater.) As a hardcore conservative, I wish it didn't work that way. I wish leftists would be more open minded to political topics discussed on Boundless, but instead, it drives my friends away from this resource that would otherwise prove so helpful to their walks with God -- and that's just too important to sacrifice over national stuff.

32. Jade said the following at 6:10 PM on Jan 21:

I don't think I'll have anything new to add here, a lot of great things have already been said, but YAY!!!! for putting together something for the yound married's. I am 25 and my husband is 26, we have been married for just over 5 years (yup, got married as a teenager ;-). I've been following this webzine since I was about 15 so I surely know how the audience has evolved.

I know FoTF has a lot of childrearing resources, but new and updated advice and articles would be great. I'm so scared of raising children in the modern world but we still hope to start our family with in the next year or so. Anything on biblical roles, encouraging my husband as the leader of our family, educating our kids, managing finances for a young and growing family, and finding a church home would be great.

I also would enjoy a more interactive forum. I know this has been debated before, and I'm sure you all have good reasons for keeping the blog the way it is, but a private, respectful, membership based message board would be great so that the readers can get to know one another and encourage eachother.

33. jd said the following at 6:30 PM on Jan 21:

this would be great!! my fiance and i are both 25 and we're getting married in july. some topics i would be interested in...

- combining two lives that have been separate for so many years... and in different states. we've both established careers, friends, and are close to our families. i can't wait to be married and am looking forward to everything, but i know leaving my "world" behind is going to be hard since i am the one who will be moving.

- finances/budget

- having children/family planning

- building intimacy

- keeping marriages strong

- learning to pray together/encourage each other spiritually

- helping independent young women transition to being a wife and mom... Titus 2

- helping young men to take responsibility and be leaders

- reviews on books related to marriage

that is all i can think of for now. may God bless you as you take on this new endeavor :)

34. JulieD said the following at 6:31 PM on Jan 21:

A podcast, please!! I love the Boundless podcast, and find it so interesting and edifying. I was just looking today at iTunes trying to find a podcast that might cover marriage, but not be all about kids.

I want to have kids (and hopefully in the next 1/2-2years) but I would like to see something that approaches the topics like I've seen others list. (I thought Jessena #1 was AWESOME!). Not just another mommy podcast, please.

Just a question -- is this for people in their 20s who are married, or for people 20s or 30s, just getting married? What do you mean by "young married"? For example -- I am 30, my husband's 35, we've been married for 10 mo. (both of us, previously never-married, etc.) -- do we still count as your demographic?

35. jd said the following at 6:45 PM on Jan 21:

i thought of a couple more...

- dealing with past relationships

- learning to have a loving, fulfilling sex life after remaining chaste for many years or recovering from past sins

36. Leah said the following at 7:58 PM on Jan 21:

I second, third and fourth everything Jessena (#1) suggested.

jpritchard (#9) - a lot about 'teaching' relies on how 'teachable' the pupil is. When it comes down to it, there often is very little difference between telling and teaching.

37. Bethany said the following at 8:59 PM on Jan 21:

We'll be married 3 years in June and while I would agree with most of the suggestions here, my specific desires would be:
1. dealing with infertility.
2. the dangers of birth-control.
3. sex of course! Good discussions about how we love sex but it is work sometimes.
4. The importance of mentorship relationships in those first few years. I think we have a tendency to cling to each other as newlyweds when really, those are the core years to get some serious help in learning to grow together!
5. ways to "fit-in" in church, as already discussed. We've learned that empty-nesters are great friends for us at this point, neither one of us have kids in the house!
6. The importance of spending time with each other. Learning to try new activities, be more social, be less social, whatever it takes to keep the bulk of your time with each other. With others together works to, but not living a seperate independant life anymore, but one lived together, in almost every aspect of that.
7. And then almost in contradiction, how to still have your own friends and get-away time!
8. Money and the management of is always a good topic.
9. Fighting fair, fighting the outside influences, not each other.
10. One huge discouragement in our relationship for me at least was what Leann, #2 said, We had been given so many "here's how to live the first year of your marriage" books that we seemed doomed for failure. I felt that if we didn't get it right in the first year we were doomed. Instead I wish I had earlier adopted that perspective that it should only get better and we've got the rest of our lives to get it right and practice!
So there's some ideas...but the list could go on, as anyone who's in that newlywed to five year range knows...it's a growing experience!
And yes, more articles for those newly married yet no kids time of life would be great! For some of us, kids don't come as soon as others, so it's an interesting time.

38. Tami said the following at 9:33 PM on Jan 21:

Saidahwk and jd -- not to distract or take away from this blog, but have you visited the GirlTalk blog run by Carolyn Mahaney and her daughters? They talk about many of the issues you listed in your comments from a female perspective.

39. Hannah said the following at 9:45 PM on Jan 21:

I agree with everything Tamara #7 said. Plus, the birth control issue. That would be great! I am really looking forward to new boundless married stuff. That is awesome!

40. Sandrea said the following at 10:01 PM on Jan 21:

-Communication! Though my husband and I have been married a few months it's interesting to see how different our styles of communication are

-How to establish new 'family' boundaries--especially in regards to in-laws and parents

-Finances. Managing them mainly

-reviews on books related to marriage would also be beneficial

Thanks :)

41. H.A.P said the following at 5:10 AM on Jan 22:

I've been reading boundless for about 5 years now, and when I married I never considered stopping. I love to read all the articles even the ones that don't apply to me any more because I have single friends and relatives that I need to know how to encourage. I quickly forget how difficult the single years are!

I think there are plenty of resources for young married couples out there already if we are serious enough to look. Maybe you could put to together a resource that lists other resoures and ministries by topic instead of launching something entirely new?

My husband and I had a seamless transition into marriage, but I know some couples aren't so fortunate. We love being parents, and really couldn't be happier. I contribute a great deal of our martial bliss to Boundless (and FotF) preparing me as a single. I came from a broken home, and my husband is a MK. We celebrate our second anniversary this summer. Thanks for the encouragement!

42. Charlotte C. said the following at 5:39 AM on Jan 22:

Though I'm not married, I have a lot to ask about the topic of marriage, especially since I'll be seriously (very seriously lol) considering marriage in less than a few years.

※ How to approach the topic of having children in a Biblical manner. (The favoritism topic in the Old Testament is very interesting (Joseph) and I'd like to see some more topics about sibling relationships and rivalry etc.)

※ How to approach literally 'having' children because I know some of my friends are okay about marriage but are morbid and scared of death at the thought of childbirth and raising kids.

※ More on children!! Biblical articles about name-calling and emotional abuse to children would be informative and helpful since I've seen lots of moms be mean to their children yet no one has brought up the topic. I'd love to understand children a whole lot more and how to guide them on their journey with God.

※ Family Roles! What a father, mother's roles should be like according to the Bible. There are lots of articles on this but I'd like some new updated ones.

※ How to maintain good relationships and friendships with in-laws. (The story about Laban gives us Christians something to think about). I'd love more discussion about this. We know that marriage is not just between two people but between families as well. I know some people aren't so 'sunshine' about in-laws and I want to know what the Bible says about this and what we should do.

That's all I can think of for now.

May God bless you on your new project!

43. Scottie said the following at 6:01 AM on Jan 22:

Great idea, really! I think this type of resource would be fantastic. I think there are so many people out there that can and hopefully will benefit from it. The only concern I would have is for the not-yet-marrieds like myself, and how such a site could impact us. Is it too far fetched to imply that there may be some young couples who want to 'advance' their relationship before marriage and use this new resource as a scapegoat to commit sin? If this new resource is too graphic or detailed, could it place images into the heads of the not-yet-marrieds? I'm just looking at it from the other side of the coin. An open forum on what goes on after marriage may forego all the work done in promoting the chaste and the pure. Just an idea...

Blessings!

44. H.A.P said the following at 6:39 AM on Jan 22:

I also want to say thank you for your articles about children being a blessing. These articles meant very little to me as a single virginal 20-something, but now (unexpectedly) expecting our second baby three days before our second anniversary, they are treasured. Thanks.

45. Lola said the following at 6:53 AM on Jan 22:

Getting married in a few months. I'm starting to notice a lot of changes between myself and my partner and how closer we are and how distant I am becoming with my single friends. So I would appreciate a whole lot of resources on this :)

46. meredith said the following at 7:04 AM on Jan 22:

i would like to see topics like purity and roles of husbands and wives supported by more scripture. it's really hard to hear a million opinions on what you should and shouldn't do before marriage and none of those lists are about glorifying God with your relationship.

hope that makes sense!

47. Becca said the following at 7:10 AM on Jan 22:

I'd like to see some things for marrieds that aren't focused around kids. Also I think a lot of young couples need to hear more about finances. Everything from couponing, to how to cut out expenses and paying off debts and avoiding debts. I think too much of our society doesn't know how to cut back and save money.
My husband and I are holding off on a house and kids until he finishes his grad school and gets a good job. I feel like such a minority for not jumping in and having kids and a house and all of those "typical married couple" things that I see everyone around me doing.
Also, what's with the difficulty of hanging out with people who aren't just like you? Like it's so hard to have friendships with singles or with married couples with kids. Why is there such a gap? I don't feel like it's intentional but I wish that it didn't work out that way.
Anyway, thanks for the interest in our age/life stage group.

48. Erin Hale said the following at 7:28 AM on Jan 22:

I wrote Candice an e-mail 2 weeks ago asking for an article on submission...no book quite yet, but I am still waiting! =)

I second the ideasfrom # 6, especially: feeling isolated and "not in any group" when you are married with no kids - you don't fit in with the singles and you don't fit in with the majority of marrieds
and how to maintain strong family ties without inlaws meddling.

Also what about if you weren't a Christian when you got married and now you are but your spouse still isn't??? How do you tithe then, anyway?

And--how do you deal with going from being a married couple, to having kids, which I am sure changes the dynamics of your relationship?

OK, I am looking forward to your new content!

49. Loris said the following at 7:51 AM on Jan 22:

Let's see...

How to leave your parents and cleave to your spouse, especially if one or both sets of parents live nearby and the related issue of how to carve out your own identity as a married couple so one spouse doesn't feel like it's just "John Doe and wife" around his people, etc.

How to give up thinking about old relationships with a nostalgic "what if?" How much to tell a spouse about old relationships? Who to tell if you shouldn't tell your spouse, but need to work through something?

How to control the old urge to flirt with strangers once married.

How to deal with the new grandparents once a couple is expecting their first baby and just trying to cope themselves.

Establishing deep relationships and accountability with other couples without betraying a spouse's trust.

50. Megan said the following at 7:57 AM on Jan 22:

I don't think I have any suggestions to add, but wanted to post a comment to let you know there's another young married couple that still reads boundless and would love a site geared more towards us! Thanks for taking on this project!

51. Brian said the following at 8:33 AM on Jan 22:

I like all of the ideas so far. I also think any Christian blog for young marrieds should include articles on sexual purity in marriage. Most women don't realize that men still struggle with the same things after marriage as they did before. (lust, pornography, etc.) I would love to see articles on how these struggles should be communicated, how to find victory, etc. Once you're married, it's NOT just the guy's problem anymore. It affects your wife too. It's a battle that a husband and wife must fight together

I think lust is one of the most-used (and most devastating) tactics by satan to destroy marriage. Hiding (or not discussing) this issue because it's not easy to talk about would play right into our opponent's hands.

52. Courtney said the following at 8:41 AM on Jan 22:

I'm not a young married...yet. I'm hoping and praying that it will be soon. My boyfriend and I have discussed engagement/marriage some, but we are still in the stage of "making sure" that's the road God is leading us towards.

I've noticed a lot of individuals expressing needs in the financial and budgeting arena. I am actually a financial advisor and I work mainly with young married or engaged couples in getting their finances off on the right start. We've been told forever that there are two main reasons marriages fail: sex or money. While I'm not a counselor and cannot help in the sex area, I can help in the financial area. I would like to open myself up as a resource to the readers of boundless to help them get off on the right foot. Financial security in marriage starts long before an individual is actually married. However, there are a lot of couples who didn't know this fact and got themselves into deep debt and now carry that in their marriage. It's important for all individuals, rather married, engaged, dating, or single understand their finances and work them appropriately.

53. Lemon said the following at 9:04 AM on Jan 22:

I agree with Brian #51. But I think that it should be opened up to sexual struggles on both sides, women and men may struggle with infidelity, or thinking of it. I think that that would be a very important issue to address, and it doesn't really seem to get a lot of airtime.

54. Jen said the following at 9:25 AM on Jan 22:

We are young marrieds. At 33 and 36 we married (each for the first time). We both were willing to wait for the right one. Now two years later we are the proud parents of a one-year old boy. I am a SAHM and loving it. We planned ahead to be able to make this happen and it is worth every minute!

Topics of interest:
-parenting
-intimacy
-balance
-living on one income

55. deanna said the following at 9:29 AM on Jan 22:

i must say, you've already gotten a lot of response about this, but just to re-iterate, definitely the stuff about intimacy, in-laws (including believers and non-believers, siblings, parents, grandparents, and even your own family), trust issues, finances... and for those of us military spouses, maybe a couple articles here-or-there relating to facing deployment, etc... or at least links to good christian military spouse resources would be awesome!

i'd also like to see practical, every day stuff like: what does a true, biblical wife look/act/talk/pray like?

and finally, i think it would be really cool to get ideas about how to do bible study together... we have been reading "sacred marriage" by gary thomas together, and plan on reading "love and respect" by e. eggerichs, and seperately doing our own reading in the Word, but we'd also like ideas/bible study guides for partner studies that could be directed to couples.

56. Mac said the following at 9:33 AM on Jan 22:

- Making friends as a married couple! Can't agree more. Before having kids, there's like some invisible barrier that keeps you at arms length from those who do. Plus cross country moves seem to happen more in this time of life--causing newlyweds to have to start from scratch. Plus, when you marry young, it can be difficult to even find couples like you, depending on what part of the country you live in. (I was suprised to notice such a huge cultural difference between 22 year old newlyweds and 28 year old newlyweds.)

I'd still rate sex as #1 issue I'd like to see discussed. Perhaps there could be separate resources for men and women. I've noticed most Christian resources on sex tend to harp on pornography to the exclusion of much else. I acknowledge the importance of that topic, but perhaps something geared toward women could help more with other areas of a couples sex life. We tend to have our own set of issues that I just don't find being well addressed in Christian circles.

And I'll also echo that I'd like to see more practical information about the domestic arts! Homekeeping is actually kind of foreign to some of us that grew up with feminist parents. I ate out nearly every meal as a child. Getting it together as a wife and soon-to-be mother has been way more difficult than I ever would have thought!

Also, just encouraging articles about the joys of being married. We hear, "Marriage is hard work," all the time, but the pay offs are so beyond! Our first year was really tough, but I didn't know that at the time. Looking back... Wow!!! I always wish I could go back in time and tell myself that we made the right choice, that even in relationships practice makes perfect, that even though I couldn't see it yet, we were both becoming more complete, mature, Christ-like people because of each other... Our marriage today is just beyond any of my best expectations as a single, and newlyweds need pleanty of reminders that the best is yet to come!

57. Marci said the following at 9:40 AM on Jan 22:

Hi!

My husband and I would love to see a resource geared towards young married couples!

Some things that we'd love to see articles about:

1)Sex while using NFP. We're using NFP right now, and the transition from being a virgin to being sexually active seems a lot more difficult than it's been for some of my friends (because they don't have the same periods of abstinence, etc)

2)I read the Watters' book called Start Your Family: Inspiration for having babies, which has been great reading for us and helped us to keep things in perspective. I have questions, though, about work-life balance with kids. What are strategies that have helped people succeed at balancing child-rearing with healthy marriages, church family lives, and careers?

That's all I can think of right now...

Blessings

58. Sara F. said the following at 9:53 AM on Jan 22:

I love all these ideas! But PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don't make the new site a parenting one! There are many young marrieds like me who circumstantially are not ready for kids or who (like me) would love to have children (natural or adopted) but have not been blessed in that way. PLUS, a temptation for many of my married-with-children friends is to focus only on parenting and forget that their marriage should be their priority. Thanks! I love Boundless and have been reading it faithfully since college. :)

59. Sarah said the following at 9:53 AM on Jan 22:

It is really exciting that boundless is developing a resource for us young married kids!

I have been a reader of boundless for awhile---when I was single, dating, engaged, and now married. Thank you for such a wonderful, applicable resource.

As a 22 year old who has been married for 6 months, there are many things I would love to learn more about. Though many of these topics to discuss have already been suggested, I echo some and will add a few more:

Finances:
-How to manage money and budget when both partners approach money from opposite angles. It is hard to do when both spouses have grown up in different financial situations and backgrounds.
-When to spend, when to save, when to give. How to make decisions about money together when different things are important to each of you.
-Practical suggestions on saving and how to prepare for owning a home.
-How to wisely prepare for children financially before you have them. For example, how to transition from two incomes to one, how to save in preparation for a child, etc.
-How to trust the Lord with money while being wise and responsible to manage it well.

Other things:
-Managing practical home responsibilities while both partners are working. Bills, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, etc.
-Birth control.
-Balancing outside friendships and your marriage relationship.
-God-glorifying sex within marriage. Practical ways to spice things up.
-Practical ways to grow in Godliness together.

Thanks! I'm looking forward to this new resource.

60. Kate said the following at 10:10 AM on Jan 22:

As a young (I'm 23, he's 25) newlywed-ish couple (getting close to 6 months) I am SO excited to hear you are adding content in this area! Like others, I got a lot out of reading the articles geared more towards singles and engaged people when I was single and throughout the stages of my relationship. I still think there are things I can learn and apply towards my marriage from the things written for singles. I also think that things written for young-married people can be useful for singles too.

I skimmed through what others have requested above and I pretty much second their comments. Here are my thoughts and emphases on previously suggested subjects:

-Money (especially living frugally and learning to agree on sacrifices) is always good.

-Sex! What to do about that commonly portrayed (and maybe commonly true?) stereotype about men's voracious sex appetites and women's limp and unpredictable ones? Are these seemingly inherent differences in desire truly inherent to the sexes, or is this something that is culturally learned (specifically the suppression/denial of appropriate and beautiful women's sexuality, and the promotion of immodest and promiscuous women's sexuality). How do we go from being raised with secular perspectives to thinking with a Biblical one? How do you negotiate sexual interactions and honor one another? What if it's the woman that is always ready to go for sex and the man is not? When/how does a mismatch in sexual desire and satisfaction reflect dysfunction in the relationship and/or a health or mental health issue?

-Dealing with outside attractions... both when spouses are attracted to others, or when others advance on the spouses! When you or your spouse has wandering eyes (for same and opposite sex attractions), covets a neighbor's spouse, has a problem with pornography. What to do when others are constantly pursuing you or your spouse?

-A critical discussion on the joys and protections of modesty, would be interesting. We could discuss physical but also emotional and in conversation (when a male friend starts discussing inappropriate topics with a wife for example). This would include how to deflect and/or address sexual attention given by others.

-How to sort through the "advice" so many sources try to throw at you for what is good and what is useless... and what you thought was useless but was actually good :)

-How to be a good witness to others as a married couple? What about mentoring single friends/family members?

-How to be a good witness when living in "counter-cultural" ways such as male leadership and financial frugality!!!

-Critical thinking about the lessons (good and bad, obvious and implicit) we've learned about marriage and gender/relationship roles from family members, culture, and the church.

-What expectations did we have about marriage that were unfulfilled, fulfilled, or exceeded beyond imagination?

-Negotiating relationships and boundaries with in-laws!!! And also friends. What is an appropriate "friendship" between a wife and male friends, and vice-versa? What to do about a spouse's friends that are a "bad influence" but also, how to be sure you and your spouse and not being isolated from important outside supportive relationships. How to help a friend who feels displaced after the marriage come to understand the change?

-Negotiating husband leadership/wife submission... especially when the wife is used to being competent and independent and has many life skills the husband lacks and needs to learn. How does she teach him and help him be able to take the proper leadership in these areas w/out being a thorn in his side? How can she make sure she is not just doing the easier thing and taking control?

-How can spouses lead and support one another in spiritual growth?

-Recognizing what domestic violence is, identifying its markers, and what to do about it.

-Spousal rape.

-Abortion in marriage.

-For women, discussion about the comfort (and sometimes frustration!) of being in your husband's shadow and protection when you go out into the social world as a couple.

-Health issues. Like, how to find a doctor that is supportive of your understanding of health and reproductive issues as a Christian. Also, dealing with chronic health problems as a newlywed/young person, and learning about family history risks of various illnesses and maintaining a lifestyle that aims at reducing risk, when possible. (smoking, drinking, exercise, diet, avoiding too much sun, etc.)

-Recognizing causes of stress in life for you, your spouse and how it affects you, and how to deal with it. (I have been surprised to learn that I get vicariously stressed out when my husband is stressed out!) Like... learning that your spouse tends to get grouchy when hungry/tired/needs to use the bathroom/upset about something else/coming down with a cold/etc., and that if you help him/her identify/address these needs instead of bickering back the conflict dissolves instead of escalates!

-Conflict management and resolution.

-A discussion of the "5 love languages" way of looking at how people express and understand expressions of love differently.

61. Elizabeth said the following at 10:30 AM on Jan 22:

A lot of Christian marriage books feed into the old stereotype that husbands are going to want sex all the time, wives less so, and that men will have to do with a little less, and women will have to make that "sacrifice" a little more. That's not the truth of all marriages. Women are sexual creatures too, yet a lot of the literature out there makes one (okay me:) ) feel sort of "naughty" for being that way. I guess I'm just looking for a godly approach to marriage that isn't overwhelmed with secular stereotypes.

62. Jesse said the following at 10:30 AM on Jan 22:

I've been a consistent Boundless reader for four years and just got married 3 months ago. My wife is 21 and I am 23 and we're together partially because I took initiative based on Boundless advice!

Topics that are on our minds are:
-good sex
-when to have kids
-balancing MINISTRY and marriage
-maintaining relationships with long time friends who don't seem to understand the priority that marriage takes over those relationships
-being adventurous without being financially cavalier
-finding a new niche in the church
-keeping both sides of the family happy...especially during the holidays
-staying faithful to a bible study we do together as well as a marriage prayer life

Also, does FOTF provide any resources for young ministers?

Thanks!

63. Jill K said the following at 10:35 AM on Jan 22:

This is an amazing idea! I have to say that I've been feeling a little left out of Boundless since I've been married (three years now!) and I'm happy you're starting something like this for us who have "graduated" from Boundless as a singles/schooling outreach.

The biggest one I'd like to see dealt with is infertility. What are you supposed to do when your timing and God's don't match up? How do you keep the "spark" alive? How do you not cry at baby showers? Other sites for infertility always appeal to those older and being a young 20-something who's been praying her whole marriage for a child, I feel really left out in the "don't worry, it'll just take time" group.

True intimacy. Not just sex, but really connecting and knowing each others hearts.

Inlaws. 'Nuff said.

I second the moving from one income to two idea as well. Not just ideas but real, concrete ways to do it.

The downs of marriage as well as the ups. Everyone can handle getting roses and having dinners out in candlelight but what about those times where you wonder if you should have done this at all? What if the 'D' word keeps creeping into your mind no matter how much you try to take your thoughts captive?

Health issues as it pertains to sex as well. Depression, injury, etc.

Can't wait to see what you'll come up with!

64. diane said the following at 10:42 AM on Jan 22:

A Boundless-type blog or forum on marriage would be awesome!! We're 30 somethings married for a year (1st time marriage for both). Some issues I'd like to see addressed:

*the hard hitting "reality" of marriage versus the preconceived fantasy ideals: how to cope with the disappointment of unrealized expectations and moving on to the beauty of committment to a real person

*confidentiality between spouses and discretion with family involvement of personal matters

*getting past a partner's sexual sins in the past

*dealing with career/income disparity: when the wife is the primary breadwinner and wants out of that role

*cross-cultural relationship issues: when international cultures collide--dealing with "global conflict" in the home.

*a healthy discussion of leaving/cleaving: how to separate from emotional dependency on parents

*handling different standards/value systems between spouses; how to react when he/she allows things that are grievous to the more conservative spouse.

*intimacy issues and communication

*infertility, loss/grieving, and family planning

65. George said the following at 10:58 AM on Jan 22:

Great idea!

I echo #1, plus how to bridge the divide between single people and young marrieds. When I was single, I felt like my friends that got married abandoned man all their single friends. Now that I'm married, I feel like all my single friends abandoned me.

66. Holly said the following at 11:04 AM on Jan 22:

THANK YOU!!! THANK YOU!!! THANK YOU!!!

I think it might be obvious by these comments that the target audience is more than 10% of your total.

I started out as a Boundless reader and now am married. I took a lot of your articles to heart and discussed many of them with my husband before we got married, especially the money ones. It was startling to find out that a recent poll said 80% of couples seeking divorce claimed money as the main or part of the reason.

Also, we talk about kids almost everyday. We don't have any yet, but as young marrieds we would like to know how to prepare for kids in the next 3-4 years.

I don't know if it's been posted yet (haven't read all the comments), but I'll be anonymously bold and say we had some sex concerns early on. Like getting distracted, finding time, etc. It was quite frustrating as a newlywed to not have a "manual".

That's all I can think ATM, but please let us know when this project will launch. I am so excited!!! =D

67. Elizabeth Storm said the following at 11:08 AM on Jan 22:

A lot of great comments so far!

Boundless has a lot of commentary, especially on the blog, regarding current events. I wish there was a good list of books and third party articles to accompany the up-to-date blog. For example, Candace had a recent post on how to think about the current administration within the context of scripture. It was a fantastic post. I wish there was more content for outside study and reading on the website. This isn't limited to married couples certainly, but married people have children whom they are trying to guide. Having mentors via blogs, books, and articles who guide us to scripture for current situations proves invaluable for me!

Thank you all for all the hard work you do for your readers!

68. Brantley Blanchard said the following at 11:08 AM on Jan 22:

I'm going to be married on the fourth of July and I'd really like to hear advice for both engaged and young adult couples.

Engaged
1) Couples fight because they have ideas that they want validated. When the fiancee has different ideas, that can cause tension. Advice on how to deal with that tension.

2) Stay the course. Temptation gets that much harder now that the end is in site. Reminder on how important it is to stay pure now. Also, now is a good time to start if you've broken that rule.

3) Preparing for marriage workbook is a great resource we're going through in our pre-marriage counseling. I would appreciate advice on that sort of thing and its always good to remind couples they need to be involved in something like this.

4) Stories of people who did it right. Its encouraging to hear stories from other couples engaged, newlyweds, and old timers. I'd like to hear success and failures of all areas. From other engaged couples, they can talk about what they worked through to plan the wedding. Newlyweds can talk about the challenges of living with the opposite sex and learning to love each other through our actions. Couples who have been married for many years can talk about their tough times and how they were able to get through them. I'm lucky in that my mentor is open to share all this with me and it has really been an encouragement.

Newlyweds
1) Finding the right church or sunday school class. I've been single for 28 years so it will be different going into a class where nobody is single. What to look for in a small group and that sort of thing.

2) Things to watch out for... I've heard marriage is hard and its too easy to get together with your other just married friends and talk about all the things your spouse does wrong.

3) Reminder to make a date night each week or at the very least every month.

4) Fun ideas for things couples can do now that they are married. I for one am excited to be able to go camping with my wife to be. Now I can only do it if there are other couples going and sleeping arrangements are made clear so others do not think something might happen. Aka, all guys in one tent and all girls in the other.

5) same sex fellowship. You may be best friends with your spouse but a guy can not talk to you the way your girl friends can. Also, your wife won't replace your guy time and fellowship. Advice on how and why to keep those same sex friendships strong.

6) friends with the opposite sex... Do you cut off those friendships or make sure to put distance there?

7) what to not share with your spouse... A really close friend of yours tells you something in private, do you share that with your wife if she asks? What if she doesn't? Should you tell your spouse everything and where does that line end?

8) 5 love languages - how to love your spouse in a way they can most appreciate it

9) holiday ideas from other couples

10) how to deal with inlaws - good or bad

11) money matters... advice on how to share a bank account and still get along.

12) gender roles and how they apply to today. Also, how a schedule may or may not change those roles slightly.

13) guys showing leadership/headship in the marriage

69. cm said the following at 11:28 AM on Jan 22:

one hyphenated word:

IN-LAWS

70. Bethany said the following at 12:02 PM on Jan 22:

I have to comment again to add to what Elizabeth #61 said about women and sex. I thought as a single that there was something wrong with me because I so looked forward to sex. Now as a married woman I thought something was wrong with me because I was more persistant shall we say than my husband was. It wasn't until being brave enough to talk to some other trusted married friends that we learned that it's really not that uncommon. But for too long that's been the misconception...and it needs to be addressed in such a big way! Even Christian authors make the assumption that women aren't that interested in sex...so not true!
I also agree with Sara F. #58...please don't make it just a parenting site. That's so important and maybe it needs to be 50/50, I'm not sure what you'll decide, but it seems like FOTF already has a lot to say about parenting, at least in the later years, and there is so little for those years of marriage before kids. And if we really need it, then what we really need in regards to parenting is help with deciding when to have children, what to do when it doesn't happen, adoption and fertility options, etc...It seems as though those issues are more prevelant all the time.

71. Rachael said the following at 12:28 PM on Jan 22:

That's cool that you're interested in making resources available for 'young marrieds'...

One thing to keep in mind...at one point, my sister preferred that I not read a certain marriage book...I think her feeling was that by reading certain information it developed in her expectations, or something...while I don't know exactly what she means, I can guess that if there are wonderful seeming 'how to' resources out there, if only 1/2 of the couple reads them, or if it strikes a cord with the style of only 1 of the people, there could be problems centering around false expectations of how things 'should' be done, communicated, dealt with, etc....

So I guess caution, grace, and Scripture whould always be interwoven into the material or serve as the base behind whatever's written.

I don't read my Bible as much as I should and am not in a regular habit of reading it at the same time every day or something, but, I think I've come across the idea that one of the most important things you can do is develop your own relationship with God and consult the Bible...

So I think theological posts/articles that shed insight into Scripture would benefit both the singles and marrieds...

Though on a practical note I'd be curious to read articles/posts on examples of self-sacrifice, how to not have any expectations, dealing with sin, merging lives (socially, materially, financially), privacy/confidentiality, tips on how to constantly have serving God in the forefront of your mind (I suppose reading the Bible a lot would help with this), how to grow in the faith as a couple and individually, how to encourage and be during the spiritual highs/lows (of your own and spouse's), trust, respect, examples of how submission might actually be played out (but this could be grey so caution would be good if that's written about)...

72. Sara F. said the following at 12:41 PM on Jan 22:

Jill K --

I'm in the same boat as far as infertility is concerned! There are so many articles on boundless about family size, to use birth control or not, etc. But what about those of us who have no choice? It's been a hard road. It seems like there are a lot of women on here mentioning infertility as a concern... I wonder if we could start some sort of message board for those of us who are struggling with this -- I don't personally know anyone else around me who's dealing with this. Ideas, anyone??

73. Abby said the following at 1:24 PM on Jan 22:

Great idea! Can't wait to see what you guys come up with!
I would suggest some content on living in true community, either communal living or on how to benefit from community and how to benefit others through community. i.e. the benefit of men's, women's, and mom's support/bible study groups and accountability groups and mentors etc...
Also ideas on how to find a church for your family, how to determine what kind of schooling to choose for your kids, and how to find time for true intimacy (between spouses and God).
Looking forward to what God's leading you into!

74. IMO said the following at 1:32 PM on Jan 22:

Bethany #70
"I thought as a single that there was something wrong with me because I so looked forward to sex. Now as a married woman I thought something was wrong with me because I was more persistant shall we say than my husband was."

One of my friends was just talking about this. She believes that that's the enemy at work. You know, like wanting to have sex before marriage but wanting it less in marriage? I know she said it more eloquently than me...but you get the drift.

75. Megan F said the following at 1:34 PM on Jan 22:

I'm really looking forward to this new focus! I am 22 and my fiance is 26. We are getting married in April. I agree with the above comments and would appreciate advice on the transition from single to married, moving your loyalty and priorities to your husband and advice on the first year of marriage.

76. Eliza said the following at 2:12 PM on Jan 22:

I agree, women are just as into sex as their husbands and sometimes (maybe often!) more so. Pre-marriage Christian books have stereotyped and mis-characterized this so much that it's caused a lot of confusion for me and several of my friends. Actually, any of my friends that I've talked to about it :P.

I'd love to see discussion about what a realistic modern marriage looks like instead a set of outdated expectations like I've found in so many of the marriage books I've flipped through. And by "outdated expectations" I mean things like: men want sex more than women, the man is the handyman around the house, the man is the one with the higher salary and more career ambition, etc. These are frustrating assumptions that I come across often.

Oh, one more thing: why do pre-marriage books always start with scare tactics? I hate that :P. They make it sound like anyone who doesn't buy their book or follow their rules is going to end up in divorce court.

77. Kari said the following at 2:12 PM on Jan 22:

I'm not married yet, but I would also love to see the article topics that the others have suggested...I would rather have a knowledge base about marriage when I enter marriage then trying to start a marriage AND accumulate ideas for the first time. I own quite a few volumes on marriage and read/re-read them often.

78. BDB said the following at 2:54 PM on Jan 22:

Hmmm...I got an error with a post, and it doesn't seem to have made it. Let me make it shorter.

One thing that comes to mind is that many of the things mentioned are covered in my church's "newlywed" small group. I know the older couple who runs that group. I do think that a combination of resources and interaction with older, successful couples is a good combination.

Last night the couples got to talking about how they met. One couple, married 27 years with 3 kids, experienced "love at first sight" after meeting at church. They were married precisely 364 days after their first date. I thought of Ted Slater's article.

Another couple, married 28 years with six kids they homeschooled...well, she refused to go out with him for two years, and when she finally agreed to go on a date told him it would only last 3 months. The only resource I've come across suggesting outcomes like this is one from Elisabeth Elliot. EE actually has writen a number of good books that apply to marriage questions people raise here.

79. Ashley said the following at 3:24 PM on Jan 22:

hmmm...here's a few...

We are in the process of buying a house. Any tips on that would help.

Being ready for parenthood.

Family devotional ideas.

Homeschooling v. public or private school

80. Kellie said the following at 4:01 PM on Jan 22:

I would add more to my comment, I really wish Boundless would not be so negative of working moms. I continue to debate whether I should continue to read Boundless (and other conservative Christian websites) because of this (although except for the working thing, I'm a conservative Christian) I realize that Boundless is primarily for singles and encouraging them towards a positive family life. And I agree that a parent staying home is often best. But sometimes it is not (I'm not inclined to give my personal reasons), but there are varying degrees of having two working parents (not just both parents working 40+ hours a week in an office and sticking their children in a daycare) and I wish Boundless (particularly Ted and Heather) would at least acknowledge this.

81. Leah said the following at 4:32 PM on Jan 22:

Scottie (43) - people need to take responsibility for their own actions. There are some quite graphic (but very good) Christian books out there which are intended for people to read *just* before getting married to prepare them. What's to stop anyone picking up those books and reading them?

Why should married people have to lose out on resources and support just because some idiot single people might abuse them? For that matter, idiot married people could abuse them to. You can't just ditch an idea because it might be abused.

Now, if it was specifically geared in a way that encouraged abuse, that's a whole different issue. But I don't imagine this resource will be marketed to singles, or encourage single people to view articles that might cause stumbling blocks.

You say An open forum on what goes on after marriage may forego all the work done in promoting the chaste and the pure.

Well don't go there.

People really need to take responsibility for their own actions.

82. Bec Matheson said the following at 4:33 PM on Jan 22:

Hello!

Would love to see stuff about life balance as that changes rather dramatically, also about simple things to do together as it is far to easy to get into somewhat of a routine. And wouldn't mind some stuff on foundations, even developing traditions etc. We've just had our first Christmas married and perhaps would've liked to set some things up but it mostly just happened around us.

And stuff about talking about God in your relationship and how linked in that stuff can be when you're so very used to it being personal (which is not really the way it should be anyway).

83. Tara said the following at 5:25 PM on Jan 22:

How about encouragement to avoid complacency when things are going well? I've only been married a few weeks but both my husband and I have marvelled at how smooth the transition has been for us in all areas. Now we're aware that the danger could be us becoming cocky and thinking we've figured this marriage thing out.

I know I was extremely intentional about viewing myself as a sexual being and studying the sheer beauty of a Godly sexual relationship--to disassociate sex with sin (in of itself)--during my engagement and I found that to be EXTREMELY helpful as it removed all ackwardness from our wedding night. Learning how to do sex has been a complete joy for my husband and I and I would LOVE to encourage other engaged couples that starting your sex life doesn't have to be painful or embarassing and definately there is NO need to feel guilty!

84. Amelia said the following at 6:53 PM on Jan 22:

It's been mentioned already, but not as much as some other issues, so I'm putting it out there again: The most surprising and difficult thing I found after getting married was how I felt isolated from just about everyone else. I felt I was perceived differently by my single friends and that I therefore didn't fit in, but all the other married couples I knew were several years older than us, so we didn't fit in there either. The invisible barrier between couples with children and couples without is also quite real and something worth addressing.

85. Kate said the following at 7:49 PM on Jan 22:

Oh I thought of something else... how about discussing spiritual warfare and how that can get involved and interfere with people's marriages?

86. erin said the following at 10:26 PM on Jan 22:

How awesome to see so many comments from young marrieds! I thought I was an anomaly. :) I'm 27 and will be married 2 years in June, and I love everything that comments #1 and #6 mentioned, and I think it would be great to have articles about birth control and family planning.

Thanks for asking!

87. Andrea said the following at 7:03 AM on Jan 23:

I grew up on Focus on the Family, Odyssey and Brio and have read Boundless for several years. Now I'm getting married in May, and I would love to see a resource for young married couples.

In planning for my wedding, I've come across plenty of secular marriage advice websites, but I haven't seen any Christian ones. I think this would be a great transition resource for Boundless readers who are getting married.

88. faye said the following at 8:21 AM on Jan 23:

I'm with Lola. #45
I'd like to see articles on boundless or where-ever on how to keep bonds tight with single friends after marriage and family.

89. Jen said the following at 8:58 AM on Jan 23:

yes yes YES! Praise God that you are considering this, it is a HUGE whole in most churches. So many people would benefit from this, including me (married 6 months) There are so many good suggestions, I didn't have time to read them all...

A few that come to mind:
- leaving and cleaving
-dieing to self for the sake of your spouse/ marriage, and is it different for men and women
- the in-between phase if you don't have children right away; how to honor God with that time and how to prepare for children (this is very seldom talked about in the church)
- dual-career life for a couple
- how to have friendships with single people, and how to minister to them (basically, how to be friends with more than just other married folks)
- the whole pregnancy and welcoming a child into the home thing - many singles and young marrieds are just freaked out by this and clueless
- BIRTH CONTROL - FAM/NFP etc. Please address this, it's never talked about and women are expected to just figure it out on their own, which is a shame
- boundaries (work, extended family, friends)
- how to establish a good spiritual foundation
- honoring God with your money (tithing when you're struggling with debt, obedience with money, etc.)
- theology of sex
- personal refinement
- how to deal with disappointment in your spouse
- finding a church when you come from very different church experiences
-stories of the joys and blessings of marriage
- less political articles
- how to be a witness in the workplace

One resource I found incredible helpful was the book "the Mystery of Marriage" by Mike Mason. I'm forever grateful that I found this very theologically rich book about marriage and highly recommend it.

90. Becs said the following at 9:53 AM on Jan 23:

This kind of resource will be such a blessing to me! I'm glad y'all are considering it. My husband & went to a Christian college, where we had lots of support, accountability, and encouragement in our respective walks with God. We got married two months after graduation and we're now heading towards our 4th anniversary. But I would love to see some articles on maintaining a relationship with God once you're married, as I have tended to depend on my husband for all the things I used to depend on God for. Thanks!

91. Married said the following at 11:09 AM on Jan 23:

Oh, I thought of one more!

How to maintain/build relationships with single friends - this can be surprisingly tricky!

92. skeeter said the following at 4:11 PM on Jan 23:

How to make friends with other couples - finding couples where all 4 of you click together; or maybe encouraging the clicking? My husband doesn't seem to click with the husbands of my "kindred spirits."

93. Rachel said the following at 8:59 AM on Jan 24:

Lots of comments above already! probably most have already covered the topic of parenting in a godly way. And marriage: growing stronger together and in Christ. I'd like, also, posts that discussed the ways that we, as a young Christian family (27 and 28 yo, married 5 years, with two young children so far), can serve others in our communities, in our families, in our churches. Ideas for witness, that sort of thing. You already do a wonderful job ministering to us, even if we're not your target audience. I still gain a lot from your words and am challenged daily. Keep up the good work! God bless you!

94. Dan H. said the following at 2:41 PM on Jan 26:

I've been a boundless reader from the very beginning and you have done a fantastic job in meeting a real need for good sound counsel and advice for young christian singles. I have been very blessed by your work. Coincidentally, I am getting married in a couple of months and I was very excited to see this post. I've had a number of questions swirling around in my head, many of which have been mentioned above, but which I will repeat anyway.

1. Sex - I've seen this is a big theme with many other posters, and I will add my 2 cents. For my entire life, sex has been something with no righteous outlet, until I'm married. In my studies and in our preparation for marriage we have looked back at God's design for sex in marriage and I understand, from an intellectual perspective, that it is a good thing. The leap for me comes in making that a more personal knowledge and dealing with the change from no sex to sex in marriage.
2. Leaving and cleaving - for me the issue here is how to support my wife in this. I have been living about 500 miles away from my family for about 6 years and she will be moving to join me. For her this will be a big transition and I am wondering what the best way to support her and help her with this transition will be.
3. Birth control issues - There doesn't seem to be any christian resources discussing what methods are available and the pros and cons of each. The majority of what I have seen has been the catholic sites discussing NFP.

Thank you again for your faithful ministry. I have found it to be a great blessing and I look forward to seeing a little bit of the site's focus turn toward the post marriage - pre children stage of life.

God bless you all.

95. Morgan said the following at 10:38 PM on Jan 26:

All of these practical topics would be great, but I would hope to read often about what marriage is: a picture of Christ and his bride the church. Remind us that this picture is temporary and NOT TO BE IDOLIZED. In the blink of an eye this world will be gone and our marriages dissolved. Are we loving our spouse and having children for the glory of God or for our own self-fulfillment and gratification?

Remind the men to lead and love their wives as servants like Christ does. Remind the women to submit to and likewise serve their husbands as they serve Christ. And remind us to do everything for the glory of God.

96. Corinne said the following at 5:02 PM on Jan 29:

I was one of those weekly requests, and so was my husband. I would like to third (or fourth or whatever) those wanting info/support for infertility/pregnancy loss. (Some things really don't get talked about, but when you do, you find you're in much better company than you thought.) Going with that, information and resources on adoption would be appreciated. Additionally, articles on balancing work/family, and working through differences in religious background would be helpful.

97. Jason said the following at 4:29 PM on Feb 8:

I'd be excited to see the Line discuss other sources of information like Mark Driscoll's sermon series on contraception. It would be awesome if you could get Jess from Making Home to write some articles. She's been a great source of helpful wisdom in my marriage. Topics I'd like to see discussed include how to love your wife as Christ loved the church, in-law issues, contraception, parenting (although as a new parent I'm beginning to think that the best advice is to ignore everyone's advice), and how to turn your personal devotions into a family activity.

Contributors

About Us

Relevant Boundless Articles

SUBSCRIBE VIA EMAIL

Newer Post | Older Post