Thankful ... to Whom?
by Heather Koerner on 01/30/2009 at 2:00 PM
In the daily "Ask Amy" column, there's been quite a debate going on for the last few weeks. The conundrum: What to do when some at the table wish to give thanks to the Lord before eating and others at the table are atheists.Some readers think that the host should determine what is done ... or not. Thus, Christians would pray in their own homes while atheists sat respectfully. Atheists would not worry about anyone's religious affiliation when hosting in their own homes.
Others thought the opposite--that the hosts should act however their guests act. Christians would not pray when atheists were guests and atheists would sit quietly while Christian guests said their prayer.
Amy's advice went beyond the host/guest debate. She felt that faith traditions should always be respected by others, whether hosts or guests.
But, Wednesday, Ask Amy published a letter from "Atheists in Alaska" who offered this solution:
"We are an atheist family, but having grown up with a prayer before each meal, I started to miss the ritual, especially since we had kids.
It felt as if there was something missing, and I wanted to commence the meal with something, so now we do 'thankfuls.'
Everyone (including children) states something for which they are thankful.
This custom is very well received and enjoyed by all types of guests, and seems to satisfy the need to begin a meal giving 'thanks.'"
Everyone states something for which they are thankful? Thankful ... to whom?
1. Rose said the following at 2:23 PM on Jan 30:
>Thankful ... to whom?
Gosh, to anyone, I suppose! Maybe to your parents, maybe to God, maybe to your friends, maybe to no one in particular - just feeling thankful. I would have a hard time being against anyone feeling thankful. Isn't that something we could do with more of in the world? Anyway, I'm thankful for this post.
2. BDB said the following at 2:32 PM on Jan 30:
President Obama?
3. Tami said the following at 2:48 PM on Jan 30:
I heard about a related story on Dr. Laura the other night. From what I recall, a believing family wanted to say a prayer for the meal at the nonbelieving parents' house. Dr. Laura's suggestion was to go ahead and say the prayer to God, but to also express their thankfulness for the parents and what they provided. Her point was, such a prayer illustrated that the believers recognized that it was God who created and provided -- but that also, the family shopped for the meal, made the meal, had them over, etc. The prayer was thus an expression of gratitude -- both to God, and to the parents. If the nonbelievers have the grace (no pun intended) to allow the prayer, I think it is OK for that prayer to God to include a measure of gratitude to God for the hospitality of the nonbelieving parents.
Dr. Laura is not the gospel, obviously. But it was another "advice person" take on this situation. To my mind, it's an interesting solution, in that I think Dr. Laura is right -- an expression of heartfelt gratitude can often be a witness in itself.
4. TINA said the following at 2:51 PM on Jan 30:
Well I worked with a atheist,my 24 year old nephew "thinks" hes a atheist..and here is what i said to both...OK so your atheist,then why do you always call on my God when your in trouble?Or say things like, "oh my God",when you dont believe he is your God?And yes even, "Thank God"?The guy i worked with laughed and thought about it..my nephew well that turned into a huge debate..There is still hope.I see the power of prayer has soften my nephew.His step dad is atheist,worldly,and a lawyer,although a very intelligent nice man,he lacks spiritual wisdom.Unfortunantly that trickled into my nephew,my family has been praying about that since he was a toddler.those prayers will be answered someday in Gods divine hour.My nephew does let us pray before a meal,we would do it anyway..you cant compromise what you know because someone dont believe..those very prayers you pray in front of them at a meal God just might touch their heart..so I say pray away,give a great big glory to God and thanks.....That is the very thing that is working on my nephew,moments such as that,a prayer at supper...
5. Dr. Ransom said the following at 2:53 PM on Jan 30:
Time and Chance and Human Ingenuity, I would suppose, those impersonal "gods" of the religion of Atheism?
6. Jonathan Sarfati, Ph.D. said the following at 5:48 PM on Jan 30:
See also Erring on the side of censorship: US government schools are becoming Christ-free zones, about the microphone turned off during Brittany McComb’s valedictory address because she thanked Christ.
7. Sara said the following at 9:18 PM on Jan 30:
I see a scary blind spot here, in the assumption that 'who should athiests thank' is at all a tough question. With me, in retrospect, and for example, how I related to living on a farm when I was in high school wasn't very balanced: when things were difficult or annoying--when money was tight, or when my plans had to be changed so that we could get crops in, or when the house smelled like manure, etc. etc.--I'd often resent my Dad and complain, but whenever I was awed by the beauty of our land, or the animals, or enjoyed taking long walks in the forest or gardening or skiiing or a hundred other things, I endlessly thanked God. Was I grateful to my Dad for being a farmer? No. I somehow overlooked that completely! I saw God as responsible for good things, and other people as responsible for 'bad' things. I hope there aren't too many other people who are thanking God for something while overlooking the non-omnipotent, truly hard-working people who are involved in whatever they're giving thanks for. I think we all ought to have a long, specific, well-thought out answer to Heather's question, "Thankful...to whom?"
8. Joy said the following at 10:03 PM on Jan 30:
I have been struggling with this issue for a long time; but not about thanking God in the midst of atheists but rather while breaking bread with my muslim, hindu and buddhist friends. My fear is this: what if they wanted to bless the meal? Since I would not bow my head while they thanked allah, krishna or buddha, is it selfish of me to expect them to bow their heads while I thanked Christ? I usually just bow my head and give thanks without asking them to join in.
9. Rachael said the following at 12:01 PM on Jan 31:
Interesting question.
10. TINA said the following at 3:16 PM on Jan 31:
#8Joy God has certainly given you a great opportunity to share Jesus with those who do not believe..step out of the box of fear you may just be surprised.:)
11. Chris said the following at 7:36 PM on Jan 31:
What is the difference between an athiest proclaiming thankfulness for something and a non-Christian performing a prayer? Either way, it's against the Christian religion, no?
Whenever I've been invited to a wedding, dinner, or other social function, I've always assumed that I would have to respect the religious beliefs of those who invited me. It doesn't matter who or what that is. It means I shut up and be quiet while they're doing whatever it is they do. If what they believe is very repugnant to me, then I simply respectfully decline the invitation and never put myself in such a situation.
I would never have the gall to feel the need to offer my own prayer or whatever in their home, and I would expect them to do the same for me.
I've been invited to social functions from people of many different beliefs. It's debates like these, however, that make me worry about inviting devout Christians into my home. I never seem to have this concern about people of other faiths, and I think that says a lot.
12. TINA said the following at 9:10 PM on Jan 31:
#11 Chris~it sure does say a lot,however are you seeing what it is saying?
13. Priscilla said the following at 3:34 AM on Feb 1:
In response to Heather's question: There's never any harm in people giving thanks for a meal, maybe to the person who prepared it. But the idea of being thankful in general, for the many blessings showered on believer and unbeliever alike, without believing in a God you can be thankful to -- that is a very sad thing indeed. I feel very sorry for that family, and just hope that their realisation of the urge to give thanks will lead them toward the One they are to be thankful to.
(An aside: my family was singing the song "Count your blessings, name them one by one" the yesterday and decided to do just that. So we're putting up
a poster on our fridge and each member of the family will put up one blessing every day -- just one at a time, so we can savour them individually. We're really looking forward to it. I'm sure others have tried something like that, do how was the experience?
The thing is, so often we Christians, who know we have Someone to be thankful to, still tend to get away with just occasional generic thanksgiving, grace before meals and one mega Thanksgiving holiday. How about thanking him in detail for those specific blessings every day?)
14. Priscilla said the following at 3:37 AM on Feb 1:
To #8 Joy:
Since I live in India, most of my friends, especially from work, are Hindus and Muslims. So when having lunch together at work or at a restaurant or even at their homes, I usually just bow my head for a minute and pray before starting, without expecting them to wait or anything. Sometimes, someone has asked me what I'm doing and I'll explain that I'm thanking God for the food. (That's not very usual though.)
However, when I invite them to my home for a meal, my family says grace as usual, explaining that this is what we usually do and why, and my friends are always fine with that. Sometimes, they bow their heads and close their eyes because they see us doing so, but some of them just keep silent and wait for us to finish. No one has ever been offended.
Hindus don't have any custom of praying before a meal, as far as I know, so there's no question of my having to do it at their home. Similarly, devout Muslims may say Bismillah before a meal, but I don't think they expect anyone else to do so. (I'm not as sure on this -- I think I've only been to one Muslim home and they weren't very orthodox.)
There are other occasions when faced with Hindu traditions: they do poojas in office, neighbours often invite you to festivities at Hindu festivals, and of course, I have been to a lot of Hindu weddings. So what do you do?
Well, if I am at my desk in office, I will be quiet and usually stand politely along with my colleagues when a priest brings in the flame and does his rituals, but I (and a couple of other Christian colleagues) will politely refuse to pass my hands over the flame or whatever else the other Hindus will do.
At festival times, I can usually find a lot of ways to celebrate with Hindu friends without partaking in the religious aspects. At Diwali, I have enjoyed the traditional fireworks show with neighbours without feeling obligated to join in any pooja. By south Indian tradition, neighbours' children dressed in new festival clothes will bring homemade sweets and savouries (some possibly blessed in a pooja) early on a festival morning, and we accept it and enjoy even while making it clear that we don't worship their god -- they know that, but it doesn't matter to them. At Christmas, we reciprocate with our sweets and we often put a little Christmas card or tract on the tray as well and no one has ever been offended.
Similarly, at weddings, I just watch the pooja without getting involved and then celebrate with the couple.
So all just to say that it is possible to stick to your beliefs and share them in the course of daily life without disrespecting others' beliefs or compromising your own faith. Do it, Joy! I'll be praying for you.
15. Joy said the following at 6:58 PM on Feb 1:
Tina (12) and priscilla (14),
Thanks for the encouragement. Priscilla, you have given me very concrete examples of keeping the faith amidst the world. Thanks!
16. TINA said the following at 10:03 AM on Feb 2:
#15 Joy,your welcome:0) Please pray for me about this very subject I just found out that Buddhist bought the church on the corner of my street,also another one 4 streets away and a house,although i am not shy or intimidated to share the Gospel i surly need Gods wisdom in the approach here.For i am now surrounded by a great opportunity,i need to make sure I am gingerly..some times my personality is very strong.:}HELP,LORD HELP.....
#14 Priscilla please pray for me also...
17. The G said the following at 9:04 PM on Feb 3:
@ BDB, #2: Good one :)
People really should listen to themselves worshiping the new president. It's sad, sick, and scary.