*NSync (Spiritually): Episode 51

It's my first post of 2009! To kick off the new year with incredible professionalism, yesterday my coworker, Sara, and I bought glitter-filled bounce balls at Borders, which we promptly started bouncing at our desks, much to the annoyance of others in the office. We've even developed bounce "signals" for certain behaviors, inside jokes or comments, or when we feel the need for a coffee or snack break (which is, unfortunately, a bit too often). My bounce ball is of the "Magic 8 Ball" variety, having a cube inside with various responses to "yes" or "no" questions. This is especially exciting because it's the ghetto version, so the responses run along the lines of "True Dat," "Fo Sho" and "Not Gunna Hap'n." Sara and I have already determined the outcomes of the coming year thanks to Magic 8 Glitter Bounce Ball wisdom.

Seriously though, I've been thinking a lot about growth and change this week. Last week's sermon at church was on Genesis 2 and the all-too-familiar story of Adam and Eve taking matters into their own hands. We always use the front end of a new year to talk about how we're going to improve our lives, usually by implementing some amazing plan or program that promises to revolutionize us inside and out. But my pastor reminded me that my general failure at self-metamorphosis isn't due to a lack of willpower, but a lack of ability. True change happens only when God transforms us through His grace.

Oh.

So it's January 9th and the Magic 8 Glitter Bounce Ball has already failed me. Its answers were a bit vague and unhelpful. Instead I'm going to get further into God's Word and trust that not only does He actually know some stuff (um, like my entire life story, what's best for me, what my true hangups are beyond issues with meat and an unhealthy attachment to Bill Gaither), but He wants to change me for the better -- starting now. So today begins my "I'm Totally Incompetent But God Isn't" Change Challenge. Who's in?

Faith First! -- 00:00
The last installment in the Guy's Guide to Marrying Well series centers on spiritual compatibility. You no doubt know it's important, but how important is it? Is marrying a Christian enough, or are doctrine, church preferences and worship styles worth some thought as well? What about someone's spiritual maturity? Listen in as the team talks about evening up those pesky yokes!

Boomerang Living -- 22:03
John Thomas, of Boundless Answers and The Hungry Years fame, decided to visit Colorado. We lured him into the studio to talk about leaving your roots to launch a career, then returning home to start a family. What are the pros and cons? What was it like for him to live the big-city life, then pack up and return to his small hometown and ever-so-eager extended family? And what if you're about to marry someone and move to his or her turf? John gives us a lesson in trusting God when geography is involved.

Too Much, Too Soon? -- 45:38
She just got out of a relationship, and he wants to make his move. Is the timing right? And he has a few concerns ... should he put them all on the table immediately? Steve Watters joins me this week for the Inbox as we help Mr. All-Or-Nothing navigate what to say and do, and when to say and do it.

That's it, folks. Happy New Year -- I'm looking forward to seeing what God will do in us as we give up control in 2009. I asked the Magic 8 Glitter Bounce Ball if it's possible. The answer? "Word."

Comments

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1. Linda said the following at 5:40 PM on Jan 9:

Haha, I'm from Oxford - does that mean I'm related to CS Lewis too?!
Also I love what a warped view outsiders have of my home town
:-)

Anyway, great podcast. I really liked the John Thomas bit - but what if the couple are from completely different towns? Not so much of an issue in the UK as in th US I suppose though. Keep up the good work.

2. Tami said the following at 5:40 PM on Jan 9:

Even if it's tearin' up his heart, I think the inbox writer should say "bye bye bye." He may think, "It's gonna be me," and want to tell her that God must've spent a little more time on her, but he could just be driving himself crazy. The ex might say that he wants her back.

This I promise you.

[/*NSYNC craziness]

3. Cassandra said the following at 5:40 PM on Jan 9:

Uh Lisa, you know Magic 8 Balls are Satanic, right? ;P

Srsly though, I am going to buy one for my white elephant gift exchange next year. That's hysterical.

4. BDB said the following at 8:27 PM on Jan 9:

Sometimes Tami (#2) scares me.

5. Lisa Anderson said the following at 8:40 AM on Jan 11:

I welcome all scary commenters to comment on my posts! Not surprising, as I'm the girl with a glitter bounce ball at her desk.

6. Chris said the following at 8:40 AM on Jan 11:

Linda, your home town produced Ride!

'nuff said

7. Jo said the following at 8:40 AM on Jan 11:

Yeah, God knows I'm bad at giving up control so in the end He just takes it away from me instead so I have no choice but to rely on Him. Man I hate that...

8. Bethany J said the following at 8:40 AM on Jan 11:

This might have been the most helpful show for me yet... All of the parts were applicable to me and I learned from the commentators. Thank you all!

9. J. said the following at 8:40 AM on Jan 11:

I appreciated the roundtable discussion on spiritual compatibility. I agreed with all the points made, but something important was left out: the negative impact that spiritual incompatibility can have on children, particularly when it is the father that lags (something I say in keeping with what I see as the scriptural responsibility of husbands to lead their families spiritually). A father that hesitates to discuss his faith with his children and is only too happy to delegate their spiritual training to his wife and Sunday school teachers often ends up with children -- more often sons in my experience -- that don't end up becoming Christians.

10. Tami said the following at 2:19 PM on Jan 11:

Don't worry, BDB. I had to look most of those up.

11. BDB said the following at 9:46 AM on Jan 12:

Well, Lisa, the skull ring scares me a little too...luckily, I don't believe in psychology, so I won't call it a "defense mechanism." Now, if it was a tattoo...

12. Emily said the following at 9:46 AM on Jan 12:

Lisa, I've yet to listen to the podcast for the week, but felt I should let you know that your intro about the bouncy ball was amazing! Thanks for sharing - it was quite amusing.

13. Stephanie said the following at 9:46 AM on Jan 12:

Thank you, thank you, thank you for the segment with John Thomas! This is exactly what I've been considering right now.

I moved from a small town in the midwest to Dallas several years ago. While being in the city has been GREAT for me, during that time, I've gained two nephews and seen my grandmothers age. Even though I'm single, the desire to be a regular part of my nephews' lives and enjoy my grandmas as long as I can is drawing me to leave the big city and return home. Fortunately, being a teacher, I'm mobile. I haven't heard much on this topic, so it was greatly encouraging to hear this!

Great work Boundless! I look forward to reading the blog every day!

14. Marc said the following at 9:47 AM on Jan 12:

I loved, loved, LOVED your guys' interview with John Thomas, for I am wrestling with something very similar to his life-story. Only, in my case, it's stay where I am (my home-turf of southern California) or leave (to minister to a small community in northern California).

15. Jonathon said the following at 9:47 AM on Jan 12:

So today begins my "I'm Totally Incompetent But God Isn't" Change Challenge. Who's in?

ME!! hahaha

16. Jo said the following at 2:59 PM on Jan 12:

BDB: "luckily, I don't believe in psychology, so I won't call it a "defense mechanism.""

Haha, my old flatmate once met this guy in a pub who told her that he was a psychologist and the fact that she held her bag close to her was a sign of insecurity. After a few more such comments, she asked him, "So you're actually a psychologist? For your job?" He said, "Well no, I'm a personal trainer." True story.

17. BDB said the following at 3:01 PM on Jan 12:

On the Podcast...

I think that one of the most important contributions of the Boundless minstry is that it demonstrates conclusively that there are Christians who are spiritually committed.

Here's something I observed in the podcast that I don't have a solution for, but I'll make the observation anyway: all the references were for people in a "dating" relationship. To use one of Elisabeth Elliot's questions, is dating a necessary condition to observe someone's spiritual depth?

Let's take tithing as an example. I know one woman going through a year of struggle, who insists that things are too hard financially to even think about giving. This is someone who was previously married to a youth pastor. I know another woman who has family members going through huge challenges, some challenges herself, and nevertheless has been giving faithfully through the period of struggle. Here's an interesting part: the one who is giving faithfully is 20 years younger than the one who is not giving.

There's an awful lot in the Bible, particularly in Jesus' own words, about our attitudes towards money. I'm not trying to start an argument about whether it should be 10% of the net, or the gross, or something else. But what people do with their money is definitely a measure of a person's spiritual maturity.

It has been my experience that most people don't talk about their giving to God, and there is Matthew 6:3 where Jesus directs us to do charitable deeds in secret. This is an interesting problem - something that really reveals where someone's heart is spiritually, but in general isn't discussed.

Amusingly enough, I was writing the above paragraph when I got to the podcast section about "relationships unfolding organically." I became aware of both individuals giving beliefs without asking where they stood, other events triggered the discussion. Not on a date, either.

18. BDB said the following at 3:01 PM on Jan 12:

Tami (#10) wrote:

>>Don't worry, BDB. I had to look most of those up.<<

Whew! I feel better. Now, what to do with this trendy New Kids jacket...

19. Lisa Anderson said the following at 3:09 PM on Jan 12:

BDB, I'm convinced that the skull ring needs more play in '09. :)

Ok, Jonathon, give me your plan...

20. Rebekah W. said the following at 10:03 AM on Jan 13:

Folks, this is my first time listening to the Boundless show, and I am, offically, addicted.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I hope than when I graduate and enter the workforce, I will be able to send you lots of money.

That's all.

21. BDB said the following at 10:03 AM on Jan 13:

True skull story:

A guy I worked with bought a Harley. He went to buy the appropriate protective leather jacket. The salesperson first took him to all the jackets with various types of skulls on the back.

He hesitated. "Um..."

She said, "You're a Christian, aren't you? Come with me..."

Apparently they had a non-skull apparel section in the back...

Jo (#16) wrote:

>>He said, "Well no, I'm a personal trainer." True story.<<

Ha ha - I wonder if he was one of those guys who majored in psychology so he could mess with people...

I did have a Pastoral Ethics class taught by a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapy guy. He was pretty particular about the licensing requirements, and was NOT happy with my comment about not being a determinist. I think he called that a "defense mechanism." To which I responded "Owwwwww."

The good news is that he was a precise thinker. We were able to establish the "boundary." The Licensed Therapist could help the couple discuss their "feelings" about whether their mortgage was too big and causing too much stress. The guy with the MBA can give the couple actual advice about whether or not the type of mortgage they were considering required taking on too much risk for their income/asset profile. I got an "A".

Of course, I'd never tell someone what kind of music to listen to. That's a job more appropriate for a Music Therapist, right?

22. Jo said the following at 4:17 PM on Jan 13:

BDB:

Haha, yep, that's exactly what music therapists do. :P I think you need to listen to some thrash metal...

Think I might call myself a music psychotherapist when I'm qualified. More accurate and less hippy-sounding...

23. Elena said the following at 6:31 PM on Jan 13:

I agree with Suzanne. We oversimplify the issue of equally yoked, and therefore, when important issues of Christian incompatibility arise, some of us believers are very hesitant to give our misgivings much credence: we are too focused on the fact that at least we've got the basic essentials in common.

And I agree with Lisa. The difference between the two dating partners' Christian compatibility whatevers can be vast... yet seem a mere nuance on first glance. I think that happens a lot. Different "weight classes."

(Which leads me to this observation: many men are not embracing the role of being the lay-scholar on the Bible that the husband is called to be... which leaves them currently WOEFULLY unprepared or underprepared for leading, within marriage, many of us young Christian women who have been doing indepth Bible studies for years! It's hard for us who love doing studies like those of Beth Moore or Kay Arthur to see men who are biblically illiterate [pretty much] as good potential spiritual leaders of the home. Walking by faith is more than just being willing to be a risk-taker for God. You gotta know what that FAITH is all about. And... be developing a biblical worldview.)

I also wonder.... how much time should a woman allow for a friendship/relationship to develop such that she is able to observe and gain enough evidence to assess whether the brother who is younger in Christ is going to be a strong leader for her?

I ended a dating relationship with a man in great part because of vast differences in the areas of spiritual and intellectual compatibility. Then later I realized that perhaps if I continued to be in his life and he in mine, I would see if my concerns indeed were confirmed or if he really could lead me spiritually (even if he couldn't necessarily challenge me or even "meet me" intellectually, which is willingly avowed). So I was willing to stay friends and stay in contact. But God did a miraculous thing -- not even a month later (which made me highly skeptical, till I heard good testimony from a mutual friend) -- and brought this man a much better match for him than I would ever be.

Interacting with him did teach me that many Christians do have a lot to model for me to learn and adopt, especially in the area of stepping out in faith. (I am pretty cautious by nature.)

I don't know if you'd call it different giftings, walking-in-faith styles, ministry passions, or what. I do know that there can be stark (and not good marriage-potential) contrasts between believers, in ways that perhaps our current "vocabulary" lacks good terminology for.

We singles really need the church leadership across Christendom to become more educated, equipped, and prepared to help us build and use that biblical worldview AND to help us build good, proper, and healthy filters for assessing potential mates. Of course, getting them on the "helping singles marry well" bandwagon has to happen first!

24. BDB said the following at 6:03 PM on Jan 15:

Jo (#22) wrote:

>>I think you need to listen to some thrash metal...<<

Hmmm...I've got a Petra CD I can put in. Does that count?

I suppose you could mix Music Therapy and Aroma Therapy...like mixing Country music with BBQ...

25. Christina (in green) said the following at 6:57 PM on Jan 16:

I haven't listened yet, but that young man's predicament sounds eerily familiar to me!

If I can take a gamble with Tami's NSync breakdown, I'm guessing there's some hang-up with attachments to the ex?

Anyway...without listening to it and without making too many assumptions, its never a good idea to "All-or-nothing" a girl (or guy) when they are fresh out of a relationship. Its not fair to them when there's some need for healing - and not fair to the person wanting the relationshp when it could lead to a "rebound".

If Mr. (in Green) had done that with me, we wouldn't be where we are right now...especially since we met right after I broke up with my previous. And it was a difficult break up, too. He was subtle in his pursuit, inviting me out to do things and stuff...and persistent. When I started responding to the invitations, he knew I was moving on.

It was helpful because he was patient and offered an outlet that provided healing for me without me having any idea he was interested. I had no clue he was interested until 3 days before we started dating...and that was 18 months of pursuit on his end!

If he can do it, than this "All-or-nothing" guy should be able to.