It's Never Too Late to Get Married

It's Never Too Late to Get Married
by Candice Watters on 01/17/2009 at 1:00 PM

"It must be God's will for you to be single." "Be content where you are." "It's better to be single and wish you were married, than married and wish you were single." If you're over a certain age and still single, you've probably heard one or more of these sentiments, or a variation thereof. I know I did. But I say it's never too late to hope for marriage!

And now Wang Guiying is proving my point. She's a 107-year-old Chinese woman (that's one hundred and seven!) who's decided the time is now right to get married. I can't say that I blame her for staying single so long. In her culture, her singleness spared her the traumas of wife-beating, feet binding, scolding, and low social standing, according to one Reuters report.

In any event, she's looking for a groom who's at least 100. She wants to be sure they have something to talk about.

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1. Dan REAL-NAME said the following at 3:10 PM on Jan 17:

Thanks Candice for this entirely encouraging post. Your and Suzanne's posts are a breath of fresh air in a rather hot-button issue. No doubt you may have invited the wrath of the marriage-mandate idiots, and they will falsely accuse you of encouraging others to wait longer for marriage. But don't worry, the more level-headed know your intent! It is appreciated!!!!

2. Rachael Starke said the following at 6:13 PM on Jan 17:

My husband and I got married four months after his 40th birthday. People had been taking bets on whether or not he'd be married by 40, so various things were happily excahanged at the wedding reception, but I won the biggest prize. :) This year alone I know of two girl friends in their late thirties who are getting married (wow, for one it's today!!!). And in each case, they've said how glad they are that they didn't settle. Count me in on that statement too.

3. katers said the following at 6:30 PM on Jan 17:

hahahaha, oh no...it seems her standards are even more difficult to fulfill than those of all the single people you're writing this to encourage! Maybe if this woman has hope of holding a conversation with her future husband uninterrupted by puffs of his oxygen tank, then Boundless readers will realize that their situations are not so dire. : )

4. J. said the following at 11:07 PM on Jan 17:

I agree that it is never too late to hope for marriage, but this is ultimately a sad story in my opinion. I do think it's great that the woman has more than raw hope to work with as people in her community are actively helping her to find a husband.

5. Dave said the following at 11:07 PM on Jan 17:

I can't say that I blame her for staying single so long.

Should one then blame men for staying single these days?

6. Mike Theemling said the following at 1:26 AM on Jan 18:

Candice,

Although I appreciate the article I think it's important to stress that the wife-beating, feet binding, etc. is not the norm in China today. That behavior was in a particular region in China during a particular era, and her own personal experience. It's like implying that all of America still have public lynchings of Blacks.

Encouraging nonetheless though. I admire her attitude and enthusiasum.

7. Chyntia - real name said the following at 1:50 AM on Jan 18:

and has it already fulfilled yet ? She already got her groom ?

8. Adam T. said the following at 12:02 PM on Jan 18:

It's Never Too Late to Get Married

Just in time for children!

/sarcasm

9. Amir Larijani said the following at 12:04 PM on Jan 18:

Dan: Actually, I see the MGTOW folks taking notice at a perceived double-standard here.

Consider what Candice said here (which I agree with, by the way):

And now Wang Guiying is proving my point. She's a 107-year-old Chinese woman (that's one hundred and seven!) who's decided the time is now right to get married. I can't say that I blame her for staying single so long. In her culture, her singleness spared her the traumas of wife-beating, feet binding, scolding, and low social standing, according to one Reuters report.

:::turning sarcasm on:::

(1) There is a very large number of unmarried men in China, due to a shortage of women. This is an unintended consequence of the genocidal "one child per family" policy that led couples to abort girls in favor of boys.

(2) Women such as Guiying are contributing to the plight of men in China. After all, in that society, a woman who does not marry deprives a husband of a help-meet.

(3) God made women to be help-meets for men.

(4) Women who choose to stay single are eschewing their God-ordained roles as help-meets, and are subjecting men to undue misery.

(5) We must, therefore, promote a marriage mandate for women. Better yet, a "help-meet" mandate.

(6) Men must provide more ministry to women to help them overcome their unBiblical fears of marriage. No matter how real those concerns may be.

:::turning sarcasm off:::

Seriously, what does that sound like?

10. Jen said the following at 12:40 PM on Jan 18:

It may never be too late to be married. But I think there is a legitimate stopping point to praying to be married. I think that stopping point is different for every person, but as for me, it stopped two months ago. I finally decided that after praying since I was 15 for a husband,(I am now 34) that I am no longer going to pray for a husband. I think God has answered my prayer by allowing me to be happy as a single person.I have a dear close male friend who will not commit, but I care for him and am satisified just being his friend. I rent my own home, I have paid for my own car and I am happy as a teacher. Do I want a husband? Sure. But I am tired of feeling like God is the bad guy in this situation. So instead, I am choosing to not pray about it anymore, but to instead pray that God lives in me and that I am an assest to the world single or otherwise. I refuse to believe that I am a victim, just because I am 34 and unmarried. I read so many articles on this site who equate being single with some sort of moral or physical sin. I don't think its a sin to be happy, likewise, I am not going to believe that God is being some sort of a cruel monster by refusing to allow me to have a husband. So, there may be no set age to get married. But as for me and my house, I will serve the Lord, single or otherwise.

11. Leigh said the following at 9:15 PM on Jan 18:

That is so cool! And it is encouraging. No, I don't necessarily want to wait til I'm 107 before getting married; but it is neat to see that it's never too late!

Groom must be at least 100 so they have something to talk about? That is just great. I love it!

12. James said the following at 5:04 AM on Jan 19:

"In any event, she's looking for a groom who's at least 100. She wants to be sure they have something to talk about."

Genius!

13. TINA said the following at 5:43 AM on Jan 19:

If i sound like one of those "IDIOTS" (#1 Dan)please pardon me..however, i cant help but wonder if her living in that fear all her life stopped the blessing of marriage happening at a ripe age?or was that Gods plan for her? grant it the abuse she witness of her female family members was enough to frighten anyone.She grew up in a era that was demeaning/degrading to women in a country where women didn't have a voice..fear as false evidence appearing real might not even apply the evidence was quite real....however the fear sadly took over her life...and in her mind maybe even kept her alive,very possible....this is the kind of story that makes you glad to be an American even if you don't agree with some of the political controversy....when fear comes against us "The lion has know teeth".....Fear if we give it power can take us on a journey we not necessarily were suppose to be on...God bless her and i hope he grants her wish to marry.....I do agree it is never to late if you are not called to live a life with out being married......if Mother Theresa married most of her work would not have existed...so i can still only believe if its meant to be it will happen..even if you are 107! I do have to say this story made me reflect on my past and how many times in my own life i allowed fear to stop me and rob me of what God had for me...good thing he is in the restoring business and has patience.....

14. TINA said the following at 8:26 AM on Jan 19:

....now again at the risk of not being level headed (#1Dan) I do have a pondering thought and question....all these articles on marriage,can you be unmarriable,the faithful the marriable etc.are quite interesting and some of the post awesome and heartfelt.....but what i am getting from some of the post of people who are not married is they feel some post and people in there lives are insensitive to these issues......now the question why? maybe because we live in a society that gives you that pity look if you are not married with children by a certain age?its the same thing for us married people who have no kids.. awe don't worry God will give them to you,God has a reason,or why don't you have any kids?don't you want them? so on and so on.....of coarse i want children,just as much as someone who is not married wants to be married..However i have learned a few things along the way of waiting to see if that is really what God has for me...sometimes the desires of our heart are not Gods desires for us harsh reality we think the scripture; "He will give us the desires of our heart" means everything we want will be given to us aah no sometimes he flat out says no to children, marriage and whatever else....I use to live in the self pity of that or feel less of a woman because of it...now God didn't make me feel that way people with or without good intentions did.....done with all that in my life thank God...now i look and say hmm if i had kids i would not be able to pour into my nieces and nephews life like i am currently able to or the 6 kids across the street who practically live at my house we take them to church and really are the only example of Christ in their lives and the parents,or the endless phone calls i get for prayer or some advice due to a tragic situation etc.......maybe i will have them some day i really don't know however for now God has made me a mother figure to many i relish in it and am blessed by it......some have called me the "madea"of the neighborhood(from diary of a mad black women)i am always feeding someone or embracing the unlovable just showing them Gods love its amazing and has brought many happy tears of joy to my heart....i have learned to be content in today who knows what tomorrow will bring.....however if God does decide to answer my prayer and give me children they will hear me screaming and thanking him in China......

15. mindlab said the following at 8:47 AM on Jan 19:

sheesh! Well good for her. I guess this is one case in which no one will question the propriety of marrying a younger man.

I hope I don't have to wait that long. . .

16. TINA said the following at 9:47 AM on Jan 19:

Forgive me for being relentless...this article has sparked a river of thinking for me....I have a sister who is 50 yrs. old she has never been married and moved back home approximately 18 yrs. ago...I really don't think the desire to marry and have children has completely ever left her....and i know living with my parents at times bothers her....now here is the river...she runs(literal)pastoral care at our church,oversees our food pantry,thanksgiving and Christmas projects,funerals,weddings,hospital visits,when the pastor on call cant be reached deals with the situation the list is endless and yes i know some people may have children and be married and do the same......however can they stay countless hours over?or get endless calls at home?or its 5:00 and the phone call comes in a women crying needing prayer because she is now homeless so wait in your office for her so you can embrace her and see if the church funds are there to put her in a hotel? would she really be able to be so dedicated if she had a husband and children?I cant even begin to tell you the times she didn't get home from work until 9-10:00 at night...our Pastor has even made mention of her from the pulpit and has said many times this church could not run without her....and i will ad our church is a very big church our founding pastor has helped start many churches in this area and overseas...he travels frequently and speaks abroad..its a big church....so the question again could she really be so committed to the many hurting people in our area if she was married?is it possible God said,"NO"? because he needed her to do what she does?

17. Dan Real Name said the following at 10:55 AM on Jan 19:

re: posts 3-5 (one a marriage mandater):

here we go again.....

18. Dan REAL name said the following at 12:48 PM on Jan 19:

Jen #10: I too tire of the "if you are single you are a monster/living in sin" angle that some people take (not only here but on other sites). God is NOT the bad guy. And neither are you. And neither are unmarried men past the age of 25. And it is no sin to be happy (forgoing the typical SCL -Stuff Christians Like- Pavlovian response of "happiness is not the same as joy, so you shouldn't be happy"). And it is also no sin to desire marriage and a family!

Amir #9: Wow. You are right! Just exchange the word women for men, male for female, and you have another system of thought that beats down people!

TINA #13, 14, 16: Thanks for the thoughtful insight. I too see fear a big factor in people marrying later than they want to (fear of divorce, commitment, etc). I cannot explain why I am still single at 41 yrs of age. Did I make some mistakes along the way? - Yes. Was I un-marriable most of the time? - Perhaps. Did I spend too much time playing World of Warcraft? - hahaha...No. Am I a "bad" person because I am 41 sans wife and 2.4 kids? - DEFINITELY NOT in God's eyes, regardless of what some people say. I too allowed lots of fear to run rampant in my life, along with other major emotional issues. Of course, if these issues were taken care of in my teens, I would have definitely been married by now....NOT NECESSARILY!! As others here on Boundless have pointed out, just because you may have mastered 10 or so areas of your marriageability doesn't automatically guarantee you a spouse.

Also thanks for pointing out that just cause someone has a desire for a spouse and kids doesn't mean they will get it. I see the opposite teaching in so many websites that try to help you determine whether you are or are not supposed to be married or stay single.

19. Jade said the following at 1:32 PM on Jan 19:

I know this is not the point of the post, but I couldn't ignore this "In her culture, her singleness spared her the traumas of wife-beating, feet binding, scolding, and low social standing, according to one Reuters report."

As the white wife of a first generation Chinese-American man, let me just say this has not been my experience with the Chinese culture. It wasn't so long ago even in the United States that wives were considered more like property than individuals. Footbinding was forced on little girls by their mothers, being single later in life would not have spared a woman from having her feet bound. Scolding was/is mostly done by the mother-in-law and a single woman would be more likely to have low social standing than a married one.

20. Kelly said the following at 5:31 PM on Jan 19:

Jen - my heart went out to you reading your words, because I feel the same way.

It can be so disheartening to pray for years for something we truly want, and everyone tells us that it is Good and Right to want this thing, but never getting it. No matter how hard we try or what we do. No matter how many new activities we take up, how many friends we make, how often we open our homes to people, how often we do *everything* everyone says we should do to find a husband.

And then we look around and see that those people who are married, well, most of them didn't work very hard at all. Most of them certainly weren't ready for it. They hadn't prayed for years or prepared, or been confident in themselves, or even lived a very Godly lifestyle. And yet, they still got married?

The only conclusion I can draw from that is that all of the 'rules' mean nothing.

And after years of praying, that feels pretty useless too. It's just destructive when the answer is always, "No." You can't even believe it's a "Not Yet" because you can only take false hope for so long.

I've been dreaming of marriage for half my life now.

WHAT A WASTE OF ENERGY!!!

21. Mike said the following at 8:05 PM on Jan 19:

Jen, #10. If you're done praying, I'll pray for you. As a teacher, know that you are serving others and shaping the future, all though its not always evident everyday!

Non-committed male friend?? Get some distance. If he won't take a chance for you now, what would the future be like?

Age is a number and I think 34 is young for a woman. I don't know what age you teach but my high school students remind me every day about being young!

Heb 11.

22. a sassy sister said the following at 9:40 PM on Jan 19:

to kelly:
I understand your sentiments. But I began to realize that one of the big reasons why I struggled so much with discontent was because I was basing my opinion of success on what others were doing instead of doing God's commandments and having a relationship with God. No matter how many Christian books are out there saying there's a step by step method to marriage, everyone's life when it comes to this issue is not going to look the same, and one person is not better than the other because they have a Mr. or Mrs. in front of their name.

The hardest thing I had to do in my life was divorce myself from the opinions of people(including, sadly, the opinions of some in church). I am at the point in my life where I'm not playing the martyr and having a full-fledged pity party about being single. I also realized that by focusing on what I don't have in my life can distract and rob me of enjoying the things I do have in life.

But this is a process, and it is a process that is different for everyone. My hope is that at this point in your life, that you have a more intimate knowledge of who Jesus is and that it produces peace in your life.

23. Adam said the following at 10:23 AM on Jan 20:

Jen (#10),

I would say a mixture of what Mike and a Sassy Sister has said. There is nothing wrong with continuing to ask God for a spouse. God can give you a spouse at any age. However, even in our asking, we must acknowledge the possibility that God will say "no," and to trust him that, if he does say "no," it is because he knows it will be for the best. So, yes, there is nothing wrong with asking God for a spouse, and doing things that God can use to bring a spouse into your life, as having a spouse is a Godly desire, even at 34. However, ultimately, yes, trust in God that he will do what is best in your life.

God Bless,
Adam

24. Karen Bruno said the following at 10:25 AM on Jan 20:

This just breaks my heart. I am 47 and unmarried.

25. Elizabeth said the following at 10:34 AM on Jan 20:

Very interesting post! I got through all the comments, and have to say I absolutely agree with a sassy sister's post. I'm 27, and gave my life to Jesus 4 years ago. In a nutshell, I have spent the last couple years wrestling this marriage issue, and too have felt significant pressure in the outside world, along with inside the church. God orchestrated events in such a way that He made it very clear to me, to focus on building a relationship with Him. I currently serve in a ministry with inner city youth, and He showed me that is where He wants my focus to be. It finally dawned on me that was His answer to my prayers, that I am to be in a season of singleness for now focusing on what He has for me NOW. It gave a whole new meaning to the familiar scriptures "Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness....Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." I've been praying for God to put in my heart His desires, and remove any worldly desires or those that I put in myself a long time ago. I know now I can truly trust Him and what He gives me will be His best.

26. Lydia said the following at 2:25 PM on Jan 20:

Well, it's a good thing not everyone has to wait that long...then having children would be impossible, and the human race would die out.

27. HMWelch said the following at 3:48 PM on Jan 20:

Jen @ #10: I have never seen or read a single one of the, "so many articles on this site who equate being single with some sort of moral or physical sin." There are many articles encouraging marriage strongly, and I appreciate that message.

After praying for a husband for *years,* myself (I'm 32), I totally understand not wanting to pray that prayer anymore! For a while, I did stop praying it. However, instead of completely giving it up, here are some re-writes of that prayer that I've prayed at various times. "Lord, if it is your will for me to remain single, please take away the desire for a husband and give me your peace." "Lord, if it is your will for me to be married, please bless and encourage my future husband and bring us together in your time (and in the meantime, please give me patience!)."

I believe that you can continue praying for a husband, if at the same time, you realize that it might not be God's plan for your life. It's the waiting while assuming that it is God's plan for you that can be so very draining! While I do believe that God's "default setting" is for men and women to be married and raising God-honoring families, at the same time, I have come to believe that it is not my right, nor am I am guaranteed marriage.

While joining you in being happy where I am now and serving the Lord, single or married, I also encourage you not to become downhearted and bitter and tear down/misrepresent this site's message.

28. Elizabeth H. said the following at 11:22 PM on Jan 20:

Thanks for this positive article. The thing about being single is that it may or may not be for a season, whereas once you're married, that's that (for the rest of your life, at least). I suppose that's one of those "variations" on the cliche.

I ponder the single life sometimes while being on the mission field. I never really expected to remain single. But as much as I want to meet someone, I wouldn't want my heart to be divided between a potential husband and serving God in the way that I'm meant to.

So that's another way to pray-that God won't let me get distracted by suitors at the wrong time. And that he'll give me peace about leaving my own ministry behind and getting married, if that's His will.

29. Rachael said the following at 10:34 AM on Jan 21:

Well I'm 28 and just married a 37-year-old who will turn 38 in a couple months. And at this time last year I didn't know him. Unexpected blessings do happen...

30. BDB said the following at 7:19 PM on Jan 21:

Congratulations Rachael!

31. Theo K said the following at 2:04 AM on Jan 22:

Out of topic (sorry!)

Rachael, my sincerest congratulations!
May God keep blessing you richly :)

I just wanted to say that your various posts here have been edifying.

32. Christy said the following at 3:29 AM on Jan 22:

Yes, cultures change, but I don't think anyone is being unfair about the Chinese culture of 100 years ago!

My Chinese grandmother didn't know how her father-in-law ate through his beard, because she wasn't allowed to look at him higher than chest level, and all she saw was beard. She asked my grandfather, who told her about trimming mustaches above the mouth! We laugh about this one, but I could tell far sadder stories.

I praise God for certain Western influences and hope this lady finds a husband at 107. :)

33. Jonathan said the following at 1:19 AM on Jul 26:

For those of you who are reading this and believe in prayers, can you please pray that I will love more abundantly and unconditionally? Thanks! I'm one of those guys who women love to run away from as far as possible as if I'm a rotten rat or something.

I'm not trying to hook up with anyone since the girls I like, I can't get a hold of and the girls I don't like, I can't get rid of so I'm destined to stay single.

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