A Lesson Unloading Groceries
by Ashley Ramsey on 01/21/2009 at 5:00 PM
I've been caught up in the "life will be better when" trap. You know the one.
Life will be better when I move out of my parents' basement.
Life will be better when I get a "real" job.
Life will be better when I pay off my student loans.
Life will be better when I'm in a relationship ... engaged ... married.
The last one, that's me. A few nights ago as I was making the third trip from my car to my kitchen lugging in groceries, I thought, "Life will be better when I'm married; then I'll have help carrying in groceries."
Unloading groceries is the absolute bane of my existence. A little silly? Sure, but these small, silly thoughts have been adding up and stealing my joy in the present. I'm dating a great guy and instead of enjoying where we are, I'm always thinking about how life will be better when we take the next step. God has been using little things like bags of flour and bagels to bring to light my sin of living in the future.
He has also been using a well-known Christian classic. C.S. Lewis makes an eye-opening point in The Screwtape Letters that illuminates the dangers of living in the future.
Our business is to get them away from the eternal, and from the Present.... It is far better to make them live in the Future. Biological necessity makes all their passions point in that direction already, so that thought about the Future inflames hope and fear. Also, it is unknown to them, so that in making them think about it we make them think of unrealities. In a word, the Future is, of all things, the thing least like eternity. it is the most completely temporal part of time -- for the Past is frozen and no longer flows, and Present is all lit up with eternal rays ... nearly all vices are rooted in the future. Gratitude looks to the past and love to the present; Fear, avarice, lust, and ambition look ahead.
It makes sense that Paul would admonish us to put on love above all other virtures as it looks to the present, the place "lit up with eternal rays." And so today I'm committing again to a life in the present, a life of love.
In what ways are you tempted to live in the Future? How does it steal your joy in the Present?
1. Rob said the following at 5:41 PM on Jan 21:
We don't look towards the past, that's why we look to the future and that is why the present is a gift.
Great article.
2. Andrea-Elena said the following at 6:00 PM on Jan 21:
Wow... Ashley, this is so on point with what I've observed about myself for the past several years of my singlehood.
I think the problem in me isn't merely, or even primarily, about "living" too much in the Future or not living enough in the Present but is self/pride.
I think my issues with carrying in groceries is more about my whininess and laziness. And certainly reveals that for too long I have regarded getting married and becoming a wife and mother as an escape from the life I lead now, the life I too often regard as mundane, and therefore needful of escape from.
And as you have observed about yourself in relationships, I observe the same about me: I keep living for that next step. Or I keep fearing it.
I'm looking forward to follow-up posts to this blog post of yours --> to help us replace those "In the future, X will be better" thoughts with the ones that are consistent with living in the present, as God's conduits of love.
Thank you for writing and posting your entry!
~ Andrea-Elena ~
3. DannieA said the following at 6:13 PM on Jan 21:
well before I bought my house...I used to think, "life will be better when I get out of my 3rd floor apt. and don't have to carry groceries up 3 flights of stairs" LOL
4. Kirsty said the following at 6:22 PM on Jan 21:
I had to laugh when I read the first few lines of this post because I dislike carrying in groceries and often the thought of getting married and having someone to help carry stuff often comes to mind. One day my bubble on this thought was burst because I saw some friends walking out of church and she was carrying the baby, the baby bag, and her own bag while her husband wasn't carrying anything at that time :) On a serious note, I am learning not to live in the future, because I have realised how much time is sqandered there which could be used NOW, where I am, not where I MIGHT be.
5. Liln said the following at 6:50 PM on Jan 21:
Thank you!
I'm a college student and I've been dealing with a lot of college and personal issues lately. This has been one of my biggest struggles recently, especially this week.
I really needed this today. Thank you.
6. Jessica said the following at 7:18 PM on Jan 21:
First of all, the quote from The Screwtape Letters is so true. I have been reading that book and it really has opened my eyes a lot. I think all of us look to the next big event so that we will finally be able to say, "I've arrived". I feel as though I've lived in both the past and future for so long, I've missed out on great "present" opportunities. The past being that I carry my regrets and failures, and the future I look for some guy to walk into my life and to suddenly give me this new and bright look on life. I know that isn't how it works, but somehow I've convinced myself that is what will finally make me happy.
We are not guaranteed tomorrow, or even the next minute, but yet we wait for the next big thing until we let ourselves be happy. It is so hard sometimes to know you have to let go of all of these plans and just commit to taking one day at a time and being content where you are, at this moment.
7. BDB said the following at 7:21 PM on Jan 21:
This reminds me of something Yoda said about Luke Skywalker:
"His thoughts, always on the future, never on where he was."
8. Kimberly E said the following at 7:24 PM on Jan 21:
"thought, "Life will be better when I'm married; then I'll have help carrying in groceries.""
Ouch, Ashley...that's quite an expectation...because what happens when he is like 97% of all husbands and doesn't automatically do this?
"In what ways are you tempted to live in the Future? How does it steal your joy in the Present?"
Maybe it is the stage of life I am in (married with children) but I have to make sure to not say, "When I am done ____ then we will ____". I make it a point to stop and do something totally fun with my children on a regular basis, so that these years don't pass by. I think that always saying "Someday we will..." can make someday never get here, and steal the joy.
9. Jenny said the following at 7:29 PM on Jan 21:
I seriously laughed out loud when I read this post!! Not one hour before, I was unloading groceries, thinking how nice it would be to have a man to help me! Instead, I thanked the Lord for my own two arms and loaded them up. I haven't read much of C. S. Lewis, but I like that: the present is all lit up with eternal rays. True indeed, when I stop and take a look.
10. Melissa S. said the following at 8:14 PM on Jan 21:
I tend to do exactly the same thing-- saying life will be easier when ________ happens. Recently, I was reading something and was convicted that I need to stop thinking that way as my default pattern and instead deliberately think about how nice my perfectly wonderful life is and enjoy the gifts God has given me, not say "Thanks, but I would really rather ________".
11. Sarah said the following at 8:14 PM on Jan 21:
Thank you for posting this! I too have a daily struggle with this. I am in a great relationship with a guy I will most likely marry but have a hard time being happy where I am. It doesn't help that the two of us are in a long distance relationship but I have to remind myself daily to live in the present and enjoy where I am now. I keep thinking about the next time I get to see him or when we'll both have jobs and live in the same area (we are both musicians trying to win jobs). So quite a bit of my life if full of "Life will be better when I have a job" or "Life will be better when we get married." I could really drive myself insane.
I have spent quite a bit of time praying about it and now I just make sure I enjoy all the little things in each day. It really helps me get more from life. It helps to have wonderful, supportive friends and family. =)
12. denise said the following at 8:25 PM on Jan 21:
this is the embodiment of my daydreams... "if only"... i know i'm blessed in every way and the one thing i want more than anything is to have a husband... this mindset takes away from my daily enjoyment of the simple life and appreciation of God's gifts... i actually have sought out and obtained a spiritual mentor and shared my burden with her and to my relief she was positive and supportive (seems like everyone thinks i'm steps away from getting married but there is no man in sight?!) although i think i'll wait a bit more to drop the "you are my network, why don't you get me arranged" bomb...hahaa~! but some days i can't even read boundless because it just reminds me how alone i often feel...i do want to live a life of love and pray that God changes my thoughts and heart
13. David said the following at 9:12 PM on Jan 21:
You are not the only one that lives in the future rather than the present. It's amazing to see this vicious cycle because it's something that we are all guilty of.
I am referring to it as a cycle because this thought is something that we often recycle in our minds. We focus on our happiness and always think "Soon.." but when we do get to that point, it often always leads to disappointment and therefore we start thinking "Well maybe when this happens, I will finally be happy" and thus it just continues.
We should be happy with the present moment and strive to be content with where we are in our lives.
Tonight at Church it was mentioned about how usually when we are asked how we are doing we usually respond with "Pretty good, could be better,etc." when we should be screaming for joy because we have a personal relationship with the creator of the universe. God is amazing on so many levels. The fact that we have been forgiven through Jesus Christ because our Father loved us so dearly to send his only son to die a brutal death upon the cross, so that one day we would get to spend eternity with him, is the greatest example of unconditional love.
Think about that.
We have a personal relationship with the creator of EVERYTHING in the UNIVERSE. That in itself is and should be enough to allow us to enjoy the present moment and everything that God has blessed us with and even though we can't foresee what God has in store for us in the future, we have enough reason to be happy in the present.
Thanks Ashley for giving me a challenge to live in the moment instead of the future.
Great post.
14. Louise from Chicago said the following at 9:24 PM on Jan 21:
I am guilty of this thinking..."if only this/that would happen then I would have perfect happiness..."
NOT!
The change of situation you once dreamed of quickly becomes the "new normal" and everything gets reset from that point.
So...try to be happy every day, not matter what your current circumstances.
One might not always be successful, but try anyway!
Louise
15. Becky said the following at 11:55 PM on Jan 21:
So very true! Here's mine. "Life will be better when my husband comes home from Iraq". (and being married to military means there is no "if only I had a husband to help me...") Of all the "if only" moments I've had in life this is by far the hardest and while, in theory, I know when this will end I find it really hard to live in the present. The quote from "The screwtape Letters", which I love, was a good reminder not to let the current situation rob me of joy.
16. Bek said the following at 1:19 AM on Jan 22:
Ah! Conviction! (The I-should-be-doing-this-kind, rather than the I'm-already-doing-the-right-thing kind)
17. kaj said the following at 2:57 AM on Jan 22:
I can relate to unloading groceries. For me, it's not so much unloading as it is carrying them into my place. I have to climb up three flights of stairs to my apartment. But I'm moving to a new place soon where I won't have to climb up stairs. Problem solved!
18. Michelle (in the UK) said the following at 5:01 AM on Jan 22:
Love this article!
Just a note from personal experience: My Christmas/New Years was quite full on and after I returned from Paris I found that I hadn't even thought about 2009 and what my resolutions were, what changes I wanted to make, or about the future.
Now, some could say that was not particularly wise, but I found it an opportunity to let God.
I know I have goals to do with finances and health--but this revelation gave God the opportunity to remind me He's got His girl.
For the first time in my life I've not got anything really planned. I like control--and I found now that I don't have plans, that I don't live in the future in the same way...that the only things on my heart are being more creative, using those talents, and building God's house, being a soul-winner for Him. Now God is able to move...and I can live each day, even each hour...which is really enlightening.
Best wishes to you all!
19. Ken said the following at 6:42 AM on Jan 22:
Above my desk, I keep a copy of one of the most profound pieces of wisdom I've come across, a peom by Robert J. Hastings, which eloquently sums many of the thoughts of those posting. The truth of the poem hits hard in my own life, and I suspect, a majority of Boundless readers. Its something I need to read often. I apologize for the length in advance, but hope this will prove a blessing to you.
The Station
Tucked away in our subconscious minds is an idyllic vision. We see ourselves on a long, long trip that almost spans the continent. We are travelling by train and at the window we drink in the passing scene of cars on nearby highways, of children waving at a crossing, of cattle grazing on a distant hillside, of smoke pouring from a power plant, of row upon row of corn and wheat, of flatlands and valleys, of mountains and rolling hillsides, of skylines and village halls, of biting winter and blazing summer, and cavorting spring and cooling fall. But uppermost in our minds is the final destination.
On a certain day, at a certain hour, we will pull into the station. There will be bands playing and flags waving. And once we get there, so many wonderful dreams will come true. So many wishes will be fulfilled and so many pieces of our lives finally will be neatly fitted together like a completed jigsaw puzzle. How restlessly we pace the aisles counting the minutes and loitering…waiting, waiting for the station. However, sooner or later we must realize there is no one station, no one place to arrive at, once and for all. The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream which constantly outdistances us.
“When we reach the station, that will be it!” we cry. Translated it means, “When I’m 18, that will be it! When I put the last kid through college, that will be it! When I win a promotion, that will be it! When I reach the age of retirement, that will be it! I shall live happily ever after!”
Unfortunately, once we get “it”, then “it” disappears. The station somehow hides itself at the end of an endless track. “Relish the moment” is a good motto, especially when coupled with Psalm 113:24. “This is the day which the Lord hath made, we will rejoice and be glad in it”. It isn’t the burdens of today that drive men mad, rather, it is regret over yesterday or fear of tomorrow. Regret and fear are twin thieves who would rob us of today. So, stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles. Instead, climb more mountains, eat more ice cream, go barefoot more often, swim more rivers, watch more sunsets, laugh more, and cry less. Life must be lived as we go along. The station will come soon enough.
Robert J. Hastings
20. Sarah P. said the following at 7:57 AM on Jan 22:
I so empathize with this post. God really, really slowed me down these last few years with impaired adrenal glands. Didn't know what was wrong until about four months ago, only that I was always so, so weary, and I couldn't cope. But what a blessing, because before this I was always racing ahead, imagining the future (and a different future every year, no less)!
Now every morning as I wake up, I thank God for life, for love, and for salvation. I pray for Him to take me away to Heaven. He hasn't yet, so then I ask, "You must have a purpose for me this day. Show me that purpose." At the end of the day, dragging into bed, I thank Him for all His goodness and for the blessed limitation of sleep. It is so good to be able to sleep!
*hug* What a good post!
21. Ro said the following at 8:29 AM on Jan 22:
This post made me laugh. I used to always feel that way. And have been sneaky enough to get my boyfriend to come grocery shopping with me so that he can carry the groceries back. He really doesn't mind, and when I told him it was because I needed his help, and asked if he minded; he said that he didn't mind and that it is the way it should be.
Great post! Its all about living in the day. I often worry about whether this relatiosnhip will last or not; but need to enjoy it more day by day.
22. Carrie (the original) said the following at 10:41 AM on Jan 22:
Some of my "unloading groceries" moments . . .
"As soon as I graduate college, I will have made it."
"Oh. my. word! As soon as I land a decent stable job, life can begin!"
"Now, about that debt that I've accumulated. . . yeah . . . as soon as I owe nobody anything, that's my 'I have arrived'"
And currently: "When I can get a decent used-made-in-this-century car, then I can exhale."
All of this coated with "Only married people have all the fun" mentality definitely take away from my "present joy".
I am learning that
(1) Relationships bring on the drama
(2) Relationships are messy
(3) The Incarnation was no small matter
To quote a sentence I heard in a sermon recently "Yay Jesus!"
23. Elizabeth H. said the following at 11:27 AM on Jan 22:
I do the same thing, although I live in Russia where guys DO carry the groceries, husband or not!
Sometimes it is just a little thing like my hair. "Today my hair looks bad but that's okay because one day I am going to wake up and it is going to look gorgeous!"
Another way that I jeopardize the present is by really wanting to have a bad thing over with. For example, in my college days I could worry all semester long about a final project. I just wanted to have that difficult task behind me, instead of focusing on the blessings that each day held.
24. Joy said the following at 12:08 PM on Jan 22:
Ashley... thanks for sharing your heart. I can identify with you so much. God's shown me how much of His present grace I will miss out on if my head is stuck in tomorrow.
I think of the words of Jesus when He was speaking of the things that tend to occupy our thoughts and cause us to worry or fret... He said "For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heaven;y Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself..."
I have wondered how I can be faithful in the present but still be like the Proverbs 31 woman who "smiles at the future". I think she is able to smile at the future not because she thinks it may solve current problems, but because she knows the future is in the hands of the Lord. Because she has daily been dilligent in the present to adequately prepare for the future. Because she knows her future is secure. Because she is seeking first the Kingdom of God.
Thanks for the encouragement! May we be faithful to live in view of eternity (future minded), but with faithfulness in the present and contentment in God's daily mercies always being sufficient!
25. IMO said the following at 1:25 PM on Jan 22:
Elizabeth H.,
No wonder my dad does the grocery shopping!
26. Meredith said the following at 8:49 PM on Jan 22:
This was a great and very relevant post. I think most single college students, or just singles in general, can fall into this kind of thinking when your day to day life seems lonely or mundane or when you are just carrying in groceries haha! It is at times like these that God wants us to cling to Him instead of the future or what things could be like.
27. K said the following at 11:34 PM on Jan 22:
Hmmm. I'm the opposite to a lot of the comments. I have an awesome, single life. I've been carrying my own groceries for so many years that I can't comprehend someone else carrying them for me!
I love my life so much to the point that there's not a lot of incentive to get married! So much compromise for... what? Companionship and sex?
That's why I want to hear positive stories from married couples because it will take a LOT to convince me that it's worth it.
28. Paul said the following at 7:29 AM on Jan 23:
I can relate to your first "life will be better when...", I find myself thinking that often.
This is a helpful post that raises an important topic, I'm not sure I agree with it entirely though. Actually, you've quoted one of the few bits of C.S.Lewis' writing I can disagree with:
"nearly all vices are rooted in the future. Gratitude looks to the past and love to the present; Fear, avarice, lust, and ambition look ahead."
Hold on though, doesn't bitterness look to the past, selfishness look to the present, and hope look to the future?
I think it's about balance. We belong in eternity, but in the mean time we need to live in the past, present and future. We should understand with the benefit of hindsight what God has already done for us, and we should be serving him in the things we do now and in making responsible preparations for the future.
If we only live in the past we will become resentful people, but if we fail to live in the past, we will lack the wisdom of experience.
If we only live in the present, we will be selfish and wasteful, but if we fail to live in the present, we will be ineffective.
If we only live in the future, we will be unsatisfied, but if we fail to live in the future, we will fail to see new opportunities.
29. Ashley Harris said the following at 9:16 AM on Jan 23:
Paul,
I agree with you when you ask, "doesn't bitterness look to the past, selfishness look to the present, and hope look to the future?"
Bitterness. Man, that struck me. Thanks for the insight.
Remember that Lewis said *nearly* all vices. So certainly there are vices that are rooted in the past and the present.
I'm curious though, do you think hope is a vice?
I ask because I often view hope as a vice. My view is distorted because I fear to hope in the event that I'll be disappointed. It's been good for me to takes risks and hope while some times experiencing the sadness that comes when hope is deferred.
Also, on the next pages Lewis says, "The Enemy (God) wants men to think of the future too--just so much as is necessary for now planning the acts of justice or charity which will probably be their duty tomorrow."
So I think there is some balance there :)
30. Paul said the following at 12:36 PM on Jan 23:
Ashley,
Thanks for turning the page for me. I didn't recall coming away from Screwtape disagreeing with anything when I last read it, so I guess I read on then too.
I'm still not sure I agree with the idea that most vices are in the future though. I think we put ourselves at risk when we narrow our focus and loose sight of the bigger picture. Most vices are probably in whatever place is most likely to distract us and divert our attention. For some people that might be the future, but for others it might be the past, present, or something else entirely.
To be clear, I was trying to provide some counter-examples, so I think bitterness and selfishness are vices, but not hope (though misplaced hope might be).
When you say that you "fear to hope", I find it sad (partly because I do often too). It's not the "hope" that is a vice though, but the "fear to". Actually it's a vice of the past ("if it hasn't happened yet, then it'll never happen"), or of the present ("nothing I do now will make a difference"). That God is "at work within us" and "able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine" suggests that we should have the audacity to hope.
31. Ashley Harris said the following at 12:44 PM on Jan 23:
You said it way better than I could. "It's not the "hope" that is a vice though, but the "fear to".
Thanks Paul.
32. emme said the following at 1:46 PM on Jan 23:
Life will be better when I finish this horrid course, get a good summer job, finish my undergrad, get accepted in a grad program, get a boyfriend, get married, get a decent job, have plenty of kids....it's endless. I need to learn this lesson, thank you :)
33. abby said the following at 8:29 PM on Jan 23:
I've only been married six months but I am trying not to laugh too hard at this post. Getting married is supposed to make unloading the groceries EASIER? How is that supposed to work? I have found that marriage actually means I have about triple the groceries to carry from the car, and now I live on a third floor apartment instead of the ground level unit I had as a single woman. Being accountable to my husband for the grocery spending also means I usually give up the little luxuries I would have bought before marriage, so I don't have the incentive of a little "treat" to reward myself after the food is put away either.
34. Elizabeth H. said the following at 6:56 PM on Jan 25:
Sometimes I feel like I am postponing certain things until I feel "settled." Maybe part of that relates to wanting to be married. Sometimes I think, I would rather be married and homeless than single with decent housing. Instead of putting my hope in God, I think, these decisions would all be a lot easier if I were making them with somebody else, or if I could blame stupid decisions on someone else!
Anyway, like Abby pointed out, there is always a flip-side. Maybe one day instead of wishing someone would wait for me to come home, I'll wish I could sneak off without being accountable to anyone. Being content in the present is definitely a hard lesson to learn.
35. IMO said the following at 10:38 AM on Jan 26:
"Getting married is supposed to make unloading the groceries EASIER? How is that supposed to work?"
Depends on the husband, I guess.
My husband goes shopping with me and helps unload the groceries and bring them upstairs. Or if I go alone, and he is home, he will come down and help me.
36. Rachael said the following at 10:29 AM on Jan 27:
re: living in the present vs. living in the future
--> It can be good if we live in the future in the sense of looking to what's ahead of us: heaven, God's faithfulness...
But I think it can be a danger if we think 'life will be better when...' if various expecations follow.
For me, I look forward to growth in love, character, and the marriage relationship. It might be nice to be kind of settled or 'settled enough' in certain regards. But there are so many twists and turns to this life that we can't predict the future. Roses & thorns - a little bit of hardship is always present even when the awaited "it" has arrived. And also the phrase "Wherever I go, there I am" comes to mind. We can't really escape from ourselves, our problems, even when life's road takes us to a new life stage, a new country, a new whatever...
Ultimately we need to remember "God is enough". Perhaps that and the thought about the (extreme, perhaps) John Piper clip that contains those words will flash in my mind again and again throughout my life...
37. Daniel B said the following at 2:22 PM on Mar 9:
"Life will be better when I'm married; then I'll have help carrying in groceries."
Part of that thought reflects some very good and true also. It's not just through the intense moments of love that God uses marriage as a means of blessing, but also through the sharing of so many "little" things of life together. God also blesses you through the way carrying groceries into the house together is better than carrying groceries into the house alone.