Poetry Bandwagon
by Tom Neven on 11/20/2008 at 1:00 PM
I can't let Ted and Steve get away with going all mushy on us without contributing my own deeply insightful poetry. My initial foray into the category achieved limited renown, but I won't let that stop me. I do it for the art, despite the philistines who don't appreciate it.
There once was a man from Toledo
Who loved to go swim in his Speedo
He thought he'd be cool
Diving in the kids' pool
Now his head is exceedingly bleedo.There once was a man from Las Vegas
Who managed a chain of bodegas
He ran out of beef tacos
With fresh red tomakos
Now no money to give his employas.There once was a man from Havana
Who detested the taste of banana
Show up with the fruit
And he'd give you the boot
Then crush you with falling piana.There once was a concert pianist
Who was known to be somewhat dishonest
At Carnegie Hall
He spun tale quite tall
Of throwing a piano the farthest.There once was an old scuba diver
Who fancied himself a MacGyver
He defused a big bomb
With a stick of lip balm
He's now the shipwreck's sole survivorThere was once a ski downhill racer
Who was also a bit of skirt-chaser
"Don't I know you somewhere?"
He asked with great flair
Her slap mark is still on his facer.There once was a fast-food employee
Who worked despite his ennui.
"Want fries with that?"
He asked a young brat
"Have it your way," he said with lethargy.There once was a poetry writer
Who considered himself so much brighter
Than the philistine boor
Whose background was poor
Too bad he wasn't a fighter.
1. DEH said the following at 1:27 PM on Nov 20:
That was great. Thanks for the laugh!
2. mindlab.memory said the following at 1:54 PM on Nov 20:
The classic, for all yous New Englenda's:
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.
But he followed the pair to Pawtucket,
The man and the girl with the bucket;
And he said to the man,
He was welcome to Nan,
But as for the bucket, Pawtucket.
Then the pair followed Pa to Manhasset,
Where he still held the cash as an asset,
But Nan and the man
Stole the money and ran,
And as for the bucket, Manhasset.
3. Dr. Ransom said the following at 2:47 PM on Nov 20:
This one I originated in fourth grade, after getting sick and tired of learning about "limericks" and how much they help us with understanding the English language -- which was, um, what contribution to understanding again?
There was an old man named Ed Lear
Who wrote poems and limericks so weird
He just picked up a pen
Wrote nonsensical sin
And send it to publishers near.
4. Tami said the following at 2:48 PM on Nov 20:
Eep! Nantucket!
There once was a young man from Bruges
Who gave up his Love for the luge
When questioned one day
He paused just to say
"She pushed me to force me to choose!"
5. Derek Wong said the following at 3:49 PM on Nov 20:
Haha I enjoyed this lighter version of poetry, especially those with words that are not in any way found in the dictionary (e.g., tomakos).
6. Leah said the following at 8:15 PM on Nov 20:
Aaaahahaha. Tom, your poetry wins in my books.
7. LauraW said the following at 8:17 PM on Nov 20:
Tom, this is definitely my favorite of all the poetry entries. Bravo! Also, dear brother (mindlab), great comeback. Way to beat me to the punch.
8. farmer Tom said the following at 8:52 PM on Nov 20:
I know no predilection,
in all my recollection,
to which I have disinclination,
than reading poetry selections.
9. kaj said the following at 10:26 PM on Nov 20:
I do not protest limericks, unless they're carved by the old pay phone.
10. P&P said the following at 6:54 AM on Nov 21:
I really should dig out my old Ogden Nash anthology.......
11. Heather Koerner said the following at 12:28 PM on Nov 21:
There once was a man named Neven,
who knew he was going to heaven,
He placed trust in the Lord,
and followed God's Word,
cuz his poetry would never have got him in
12. Jo said the following at 1:31 PM on Nov 21:
This reminds me of a 'poem' I wrote back in school. It was a random tale about a few of my friends, so it would make no sense to anyone here, but it had lines like:
"So Lisa went to visit Steve,
In the hopes he would forgeeeve (her)."
I've never had much of a talent for poetry, it must be said. But it made me laugh to see Tom employing my favourite techniques. ;) I particularly liked the one about the man from Havana. Awesome.
13. kaj said the following at 4:50 PM on Nov 21:
Boundless readers love to discuss and debate.
Whether or not to kiss, to "court" versus "date."
Candice and crew say don't falter
to get thee unto the marriage altar
(While "older" singles hope it's still not too late!)
14. Hannah said the following at 8:54 PM on Nov 23:
I read this one a while back (author unknown):
There once was a young man from Lyme
Who couldn't get his limericks to rhyme
When asked "Why not?"
It was said that he thought
They were probably too long and badly structured and not at all very funny
15. Matt from DC said the following at 7:35 AM on Nov 24:
farmer Tom,
I like your poem best.
16. Chance said the following at 6:53 AM on Nov 25:
Ten minutes now have been wasted
the turky still needs to be basted
yet still I have time
for unimaginative rhyme
I'm a slacker but now I have faced it
17. Moshe said the following at 10:34 PM on Nov 29:
I loved this poem and it is really very lovely and thank you for sharing this lovely blog with all of us and I liked the part where the poet describes it as a racer.