Did You Ever Wonder ...?
by Thomas Jeffries on 11/17/2008 at 3:24 PM
Oh, the wonder that is the Internets. Trying to track down an old friend? Give Yahoo! People Search a try. Don't know the name of America's 14th president? Check Wikipedia. The name of your favorite artist's first hit? Just a Google search away.
And while we're at it, do you want someone to explain why your girlfriend won't sleep with you -- despite the evidence that you're "clicking, compatible, and all signs are pointing to the fact that yes, this girl is really into you"? You can find that answer online, too.
Thanks to eHarmony.
Apparently, there are five main reasons why she "has yet to give you the green light," ranging from she's still undecided how she feels about you to the likelihood that she's seeing other people. Sandwiched in between is the notion that she doesn't believe in sex before marriage, but since that reason doesn't show up until fourth on the list, it must not be too likely.
(While you're at it, you might want to browse eHarmony's thoughtful list of "Pickup Lines that Actually Work." And no, I'm not providing a link.)
1. Tami said the following at 3:43 PM on Nov 17:
Oy.
2. BDB said the following at 4:17 PM on Nov 17:
These guys again?
3. Jessica said the following at 4:22 PM on Nov 17:
Reason #972 not to give your money to eHarmony.
4. John the Aggie said the following at 4:34 PM on Nov 17:
I like how this portrays men as focused on getting to sex and women as the ones who defines where things stop. Talk about sexist.
Maybe there are some guys out there who would refuse to sleep with a woman who was coming on to them... but eHarmony probably wouldn't believe it.
5. Dr. Ransom said the following at 7:21 PM on Nov 17:
Once upon a time, Focus supported eHarmony and its founder. I knew some people who tried it, finding the idea unique and worth a short. Now it seems they've gone rogue, and I'm quite grateful to see that pointed out here.
My intense reaction upon reading the fourth "reason," which would have by itself made for a very substanceless contribution for the comments? It was a very guttural "EWWWWW!"
6. Jonathan said the following at 8:09 PM on Nov 17:
@#3
Reason #973 For the vast majority of people, IT DOESN'T WORK!
7. mary kate said the following at 9:14 PM on Nov 17:
yes, we know. boundless hates eharmony.
8. B. Minich said the following at 9:30 PM on Nov 17:
Re: 4:
I'd take it ever further and say that it should be the guy's responsibility to refuse to allow the relationship to get to a stage where the couple is sleeping together. Not that this is the typical reaction anymore (sadly), but to portray women as being the squares here is very insidious. Plus, it is sad that it is the women that are being forced to put the brakes on this.
9. Louise, from Chicago said the following at 9:34 PM on Nov 17:
This would obviously apply to people with a secular worldview.
10. Rose said the following at 6:12 AM on Nov 18:
Really?
Because you couldn't just ask your girlfriend what her beliefs on sex are and respect them?
If you think an online article is the way to find out how your girlfriend feels then it doesn't bode well for your relationship.
11. P-Rest said the following at 8:00 AM on Nov 18:
It does seem that eHarmony has become more middle of the road, at least in the headlines and these articles. Makes me wonder what the exact written intent was when it was put into operation and how far they may (or may not) have deviated from it...
12. Matt from DC said the following at 8:19 AM on Nov 18:
eHarmony? Meh. I prefer ZombieHarmony [http://mingle2.com/zombieharmony/free-dating-sites?speed=0&speed=0&limbs=0&speed=0#]
13. cn said the following at 8:56 AM on Nov 18:
The saddest part of the eharmony saga is how it is literally dragging the name of Jesus through the dirt.
They pulled a Judas and traded righteousness for cash flow.
14. mary kate said the following at 8:58 AM on Nov 18:
interesting comment, b. minich. but i kind of disagree with you... to quote elisabeth elliot 'a man will go as far as a woman will let him' or something like that. i feel like i've learned that setting my physical limits is my responsibility. i put the responsibility on a guy i dated a few years ago, and it was awful. we went further than either of us wanted, and i ended up totally resenting him because he didn't respect me.
the truth is, both people have to set limits. and ultimately, i think a woman is a sort of gate keeper.
15. B. Minich said the following at 10:40 AM on Nov 18:
mary kate: I won't disagree that you should set limits. I'm just saying that men should take more responisibility for this - that they not even put women in a situation where they feel they have to define things. Naturally, it should be done by both members of a couple, and both would take responisiblity for keeping the limits, but men should definately be taking more responsibility here (and I would argue the main responsibility is ours).
16. erin said the following at 10:56 AM on Nov 18:
How the mighty have fallen. I used to have a lot of respect for eHarmony (and even tried it for about 6 months), but their new approach really disappoints me. I'm married now and therefore don't need their services, but I'm sorry nevertheless that the company is compromising its values.
17. Adam said the following at 2:54 PM on Nov 18:
I don't really see what all the fuss is about. Yes, Neil Clark Warren published books through Focus on the Family.
eHarmony never was "Christian." True, they did market heavily to Christians through outlets such as FOTF. The founder is Christian.
They are trying to market themselves wider now, and with that it becomes more difficult to be helpful to their expanded audience. While I think it is an unwise step; I would have to disagree with cn #13 and say that there is no way that an article like this is dragging Jesus' name through the dirt. It's a for-profit business, not a para-church organization.
18. Jo said the following at 12:02 PM on Nov 19:
On the plus side, at least the reason is on there, and at least it's handled respectfully:
"...if she’s waiting until marriage to become physically intimate, you’re not going to change her mind. Don’t even think about it."
That's good advice. And judging by the 'Justifying pre-marital sex' post, it's advice that's needed by a few Christians too.
19. Tami said the following at 12:43 PM on Nov 19:
Adam --
1. Part of the issue *is* that they advertise heavily to Christians... and to the "Christian market" (ugh), they try to portray themselves as Christian.
2. Many believers feel that, because he is head of the company -- and at one time was its main spokesperson -- Neil Clark Warren should have voiced more objections over "advice" that was so clearly not Christian in perspective. Articles about how to "encourage" women to have sex with you and how to handle one-night stands don't exactly *help* people find their lasting mates, which is eHarmony's whole thing.
Personally, I don't understand why they'd feel so pressured to post articles like that. (Well, I do and I don't.) It's not as if you can't find that information elsewhere. So why not stay true to who you are, rather than succumb to market pressure?
20. Ronnica said the following at 1:18 PM on Nov 19:
Well, it DOESN'T seem to be that common, does it?
21. Ruth W said the following at 3:40 PM on Nov 19:
FYI: From the website, Neil Clark Warren and the other co-founder have not been on eharmony's board of directors since 2006. The CEO now, is some financial/business man. Warren is just a poster boy (possibly bound by a contract).
Do they support same-sex relationships in addition, if not, that might be the next step?
22. BDB said the following at 4:00 PM on Nov 19:
Oh, even better. eHarmony has just agreed to start a gay dating service.
Cite:
.
23. Elizabeth H. said the following at 1:44 AM on Nov 20:
Thank you for not providing a link. I understand that you are trying to advise AGAINST using eharmony, but if someone has a problem with sexual temptation or simply an addiction to seeking relationship advice online, I think that this post could be harmful. I try to limit the kinds of websites I look at, and now after reading this, my curiosity is piqued a little to go see what else is out there. No offense to Mr.Jeffries, just being honest.
24. IMO said the following at 8:02 AM on Nov 20:
Not sure if you all heard the news that eHarmony "has agreed in a civil rights settlement to give up its heterosexuals-only policy and offer same-sex matches."
25. Lindsey said the following at 12:47 PM on Dec 23:
no longer a Christian site.