Whatever Happened to "You're Welcome"?
by Motte Brown on 10/30/2008 at 2:38 PM
I've noticed an annoying trend in today's vernacular. It's the replacement of idioms "You're welcome!" and "My pleasure!" with "No problem."
Whether it's the check-out girl, waiter, or bank teller, saying thanks seems to always be met with a "No problem." I always think, Whew. I'm glad that wasn't a problem. Because if refilling my water glass were a problem, then we're all in serious trouble.
I think it stems from our egalitarian culture. Saying "you're welcome" and "my pleasure" distinguishes the server from the served by acknowledging, "It was my pleasure to serve to you." Or like the origins of "you're welcome," the served is "welcome" to the kind act that is given freely. But saying "no problem" has a superior feel to it, doesn't it? Sort of like announcing, "Hey, I'm doing you a favor. But don't worry, it's not a problem."
Or maybe this trend is really no problem at all. Just a reflection of my own peevish personality.
1. mk said the following at 2:54 PM on Oct 30:
um.... yup, the latter. in my opinion, anyway. :)
2. Christina (in green) said the following at 2:55 PM on Oct 30:
Strange your interpretation of it...
When I use "no problem", I want to convey to the person I helped that helping them really was NOT a problem for me.
Haven't you noticed the other side of culture that accompanies the "no problem" attitude?
Pride in people that refuse to accept gifts or help in any way, shape, or form.
My goodness, a struggle breaks out between my fiance and my father everytime they go out for dinner because my fiance will NOT accept "charity" from anyone and will always feel "beholden" to my father for that act of paying for dinner.
"Your Welcome" implies some sacrifice WAS actually in the serving, but it was a WELCOME one...or a pleasurable one...which isn't always accepted as truth because people these days have a huge problem with accepting gifts.
They don't care that the person may actually want to give a gift that sacrifices something from them because it may mean they expect the same thing in return.
So, "no problem" is coined - so you don't give the impression that what you did took that much out of you - so what you did is accepted based solely on that and no return is expected. You owe me nothing, because it really was "no problem".
3. DannieA said the following at 2:57 PM on Oct 30:
Or maybe it may be that you're getting 'older'? Not in a bad way, it's just that I've noticed people's viewpoints change when they get older and more mature. It's happened to me on occasion and I'm just 30...but every so often I think to myself "why did that bother me?" I must be getting old and acting in a way that I always said I wouldn't. LOL ;)
4. Susan H. said the following at 3:00 PM on Oct 30:
Someone wrote to Dear Abby about this a while back, and people responded with some interesting takes on it.
5. Annie said the following at 3:01 PM on Oct 30:
I think this is actually a very interesting discussion. I remember being in a course at work and the instructor thanked me for doing something. I replied "no problem". He proceeded to give this long talk about the lost art of saying "you're welcome". I was humiliated. I am Jamaican and "no problem" is a very, very classic response when someone thanks you for something. Sometimes I think cultural issues may play into people's responses to thank you. For me, I love "no problem" because it indicates my desire to let the other person know that what they asked me for was not an imposition or a nuisance or bother (I think often people feel like this when they ask you for help). For me I don't think it's at all coming from a place of superiority (and of course I think "no problem" is in my genes :)). Of course that doesn't mean that is the case for everyone. Anyways, just some thoughts.
6. Marc said the following at 3:12 PM on Oct 30:
Motte,
I think you're blowing things slightly out of proportion.
7. kyle. said the following at 3:25 PM on Oct 30:
i frequently hear people say "thank you." when "you're welcome." is appropriate. by frequently i mean, of course, always. for me it's an issue of imprecise language rather than an attitude issue.
8. Rebecca said the following at 3:38 PM on Oct 30:
The correct response to "thank you" varies by culture. In both Spanish and French the equivalent of "no problem" is the expected response. I am sure this is true in other languages as well. While your preference may be for "you're welcome," I believe it is less about egalitarianism than an absorption of other cultural responses. This could be totally off... just my two cents.
9. Tami said the following at 3:40 PM on Oct 30:
I don't really have a... uh... problem with "no problem" in casual contexts. [Wouldn't expect to hear it out of a porter at the Ritz-Carlton, however. ;)] I'm with others who have stated that often it's said in an attitude of, "don't worry, it wasn't difficult for me and I was glad to help." Sort of like "my pleasure," but perhaps some feel that's too formal.
HOWEVER... If I was given a gift, or someone clearly went out of their way, and I said "thank you," I wouldn't want or expect to hear "no problem" or "it's nothing" in return. Not for my own sake -- but because those responses negate the thought and effort someone put into the gift or gesture. But Annie gave me something to think about... perhaps it is cultural or habitual as well.
10. consumerist said the following at 3:43 PM on Oct 30:
Years ago when I worked in a call center for a gigantic financial services firm, we were told to cut down on please and thank-you to reduce our call time. They estimated we could cut something like 5.2 seconds on the average call.
11. Brian Popp said the following at 3:46 PM on Oct 30:
Motte,
I'm with you! I also catch myself doing it. Another similar trend is to say "I'm good" instead of "No thanks".
"Would you like something to drink?"
"No, I'm good"
12. sarah said the following at 3:47 PM on Oct 30:
My mother got on my case for this a while back. I had honestly never thought about it as a negative. I personally use and view "you're welcome" and "no problem" interchangeably.
A good reminder to me that people interpret even the most common of phrases very differently.
13. Josh M said the following at 3:52 PM on Oct 30:
Growing up I was taught that when someone said "Thank you", the polite response was "You're welcome". I had no idea why, and only recently learned what that even meant (when I looked up whether it was "Your welcome" or "You're welcome"). I imagine the shift to "no problem" comes from that: not knowing the meaning or the acceptable alternatives ("Don't mention it", "No thanks needed"). Of course it is used so frequently now that it shows up as a synonym to "You're welcome" in most online dictionaries.
14. BDB said the following at 3:52 PM on Oct 30:
I believe the correct usage is,
"No problem, dude."
15. 'Guerite ~ BoldLion said the following at 3:54 PM on Oct 30:
MMMM! This is very interesting! We do have different view about this case.
I do say "You're' welcome!", "Thank you!", "It is my pleasure to do it for you!", and also "No Problem!" with joyful cheerful attidute to them, and at the right time to say it.
I guess that does depend on the tone of their voice, or when they say it, or their attitude of saying "No Problem!" that rub you wrong.
I haven't had problem with this, but I do have problem when they don't say "Thank you!", or "You're welcome!" or other nice thing to say.
For Christ Alone,
'Guerite ~ BoldLion
16. BDB said the following at 4:02 PM on Oct 30:
Well, to agree with Rebecca (#8), I learned no problemo in Spanish, too, and probably carry it over into English.
Though, I will admit that when I was at the Space Needle for dinner for my Sr. Prom, I was pleasantly surprised with one of the staff, with a British accent, asked, "Have you been offered assistance, sir?"
17. Tara said the following at 4:42 PM on Oct 30:
I'm rarely a dissenter on this blog but now I have to say that this is almost a silly topic. The English language is always changing as are expressions--just read Shakespeare--and that's still considered "modern" English. I don't see how a change in lexicon is necessarily a reflection of degrading morals.
"No problem" is a more casual way of saying "you're welcome" but usuage & culture have them virtually interchangeable. I use "no problem" more but I do like "you're welcome" as well--especially when giving a gift. I don't like finding issues where there are none.
18. Amelia said the following at 5:34 PM on Oct 30:
I work in a library, and I often find myself saying "No worries" 2 or 3 times in one interaction with a patron. It's very Australian of me. Sometimes I even get the urge to put 'mate' on the end. Maybe I should chuck a "You're welcome" in there too, just to mix things up a bit.
19. Leah said the following at 5:59 PM on Oct 30:
I understand that a person might miss hearing "you're welcome" but I don't think there's a problem with "no problem". I don't agree with Josh M who says it comes from not knowing the meaning of "you're welcome"; rather, I think a majority of people DO know what it means!
In many situations where a person might say "thankyou", they are appreciating that a person might have gone out of their way to do something. I think saying "no problem" indicates that it does not concern you that you've gone out of your way to do something and that you were happy to do it. I agree with Tami though when she suggests it's more of a casual thing and "wouldn't expect to hear it out of a porter at the Ritz-Carlton, however".
Kyle, can't say I've ever heard someone say "thankyou" when they should have said "you're welcome". They're almost opposites. The person who has had a favour done FOR them says "thankyou", the person DOING the favour says "you're welcome".
20. Harma said the following at 6:07 PM on Oct 30:
I used to use "You're Welcome" until I realized it made me feel stupid. It's just too formal for most conversations. Now I use "no problem".
But I would still use "You're welcome" in front of the Queen!
21. Joy said the following at 6:34 PM on Oct 30:
I think it's cultural. In many other languages and cultures the equivalent to "you're welcome" is exactly "no problem", "no thanks is needed" or even "it was nothing". In some cultures there's no response at all - service rendered, thanks given, end of transaction.
Here in Australia it's "No worries!"
22. pass the ammunition said the following at 7:14 PM on Oct 30:
"de rien" in french is the equivalent of thank you, but it actually means "it was nothing"
23. Amanda .L said the following at 8:20 PM on Oct 30:
I find "no problem" perfectly acceptable.
I agree with those who said that "you're welcome" was more formal and felt more like the correct response when you have made some sort of sacrifice.
"No problem" is, as many people have already stated, the equivalent to "You're welcome' in several languages...including French and Spanish.
I use the two phrases interchangably. I am perfectly capable of using either, but honestly, I say what I feel like saying. If I feel the situation is more formal, then yes, I'm more likely to say "You're welcome", but I really don't think it's a big deal.
It's the attitude and tone that count...not so much the words. And a smile and nod go a long way too.
24. SarahJane said the following at 8:34 PM on Oct 30:
The most common phrase to respond to "thank you" in French is "de rien," which also means something like "no problem."
25. Chris said the following at 8:39 PM on Oct 30:
So, when someone responds in Spanish with what is essentially "it's nothing", isn't that saying what the person did for you really wasn't an effort at all? Do you criticize the person for diminishing his or her own actions?
When someone says "thanks", and I respond with "anytime", am I telling him or her it's ok to bug me at 2 am for the same help?
When someone says "thanks", and I say, "Don't mention it,", am I telling that person that it's not polite to say thank you?
There are many ways to respond to "thank you" that are acceptable depending on the situation. (One doesn't say, "Don't mention it" when the President awards the Congressional Medal of Honor and thanks one for service to country.) For most day-to-day interactions, these are fine in that they convey the idea that the person cheerfully did the service and was not really inconvenienced by the action.
On a related note, Motte, would you criticize a little old lady who said, in response to a favor, "Oh, aren't you sweet?" instead of "thank you"? It's the same thing, just different words.
26. Holly (the married, parental one) said the following at 8:43 PM on Oct 30:
I spent a bit in the Dominican Republic -- when you say "gracias", a Dominican will usually say "siempre" which means always. How charming is that?
27. Maggie said the following at 8:50 PM on Oct 30:
Hmm... interesting.
Linguistic nerd contribution to the topic:
My friend and I had a similar discussion a while back regarding the French for "you're welcome". She lived in Quebec for a while where it is okay to respond to "thank you" with "bienvenue", which is literally "welcome" and used, well, to welcome someone. I always say "de rien", as I was taught in school, which means something like, "it was nothing". She thought it was more polite to say "bienvenue", because the alternative, as someone said above, implies that the action was no trouble rather than that it was done with pleasure. Really, though, it came down to cultural differences. My family is Belgian, and in European French, you would not say "bienvenue" for you're welcome, and "de rien" is the right response. So it was less about politeness as it was about the perception of where the words were coming from. I think it's probably the same with "no problem" -- it's not necessarily about the words at all, but about the attitude of the person saying them.
28. Rachael said the following at 10:16 PM on Oct 30:
What about when someone thanks someone over a tiny thing that really is no problem?
Is a chipper, "uh-huh" (huh receiving the more high-pitched accent) acceptable?
29. Texas Craig said the following at 11:02 PM on Oct 30:
It is purely a cultural issue and I do not think it conveys any degradation of society. :-)
As noted by many, the spanish response of "de nada" is literally "it's nothing" and is the quivalent of "no problem."
Similarly, the Chinese "thank you" is "xie xie" (pronounced, roughly, "shay shay"). The accepted responses are typically "bu ke qi" (do not mention it) or "bu yong xie" (you do not need to thank me for that).
In fact, you will probably find more cultures that use some variation of "no problem" or "its nothing" as the response to "thank you" than use something akin to "you're welcome."
So, I just see it more as a reflection of the "melting pot" that is our country, and the changes that occur over time. So, like others have said, I have "no problem" with "no problem." But, "thanks" for bringing it up. :-)
30. Leah said the following at 11:59 PM on Oct 30:
pass the ammunition: from what other posters have said here, it sounds like "de rien" is the french equivalent of "welcome", not "thank you". Different person who says it!
"Thank you" in french is "merci".
31. Helkias said the following at 12:53 AM on Oct 31:
Mountains out of mole hills, or as a certain wise man said, "Straining at gnats..."
This is inane
32. Lydia said the following at 1:33 AM on Oct 31:
Riding on the cultural wagon, in Mandarin, when someone thanks you, the right (ie. formal) response can be translated as, "don't be so polite!" Wonder what that says of us?
33. Connor said the following at 8:38 AM on Oct 31:
In response to #17:
An example of a change in lexicon showing the degredation of morals is the modern interpretation of "gay"
In response to #19:
If you have ever listened to an interview, the person being interviewed almost always responds "Oh, no. Thank you." when thanked by the interviewer, rather than "You're welcome."
What's wrong with a little more formality these days?I say "no problem" all the time, and while I wish I didn't, I don't particularly have a problem with it. But it's true that everywhere we go, "You're welcome" seems to be disappearing. My concern is that we are falling away from God's admonition that our speech be edifying and our words mean what we mean.
34. Matt from DC said the following at 8:42 AM on Oct 31:
Helkias,
I agree with you that this post is what Motte suggests at the end of his article. It sounds like making mountains out of mole hills.
However, to apply Jesus' rebuke of the Pharisees "You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel." to Motte only in part "Straining at gnats..." is butchering the context of that verse. To say that Motte is "straining at gnats" is to say that he is our spiritual leader who grossly misunderstands righteousness in a legalistic way. It is to accuse him of denying justice, mercy, and compassion while practicing the law outwardly.
I'm guessing that you don't mean that, but I could be wrong.
35. Nick said the following at 8:44 AM on Oct 31:
You are right on Motte.
I do my best to try and use "your are welcome" or "my pleasure" or "it was a joy" when someone says thanks. Taking the time to annunciate all that often causes people to pause for a second and almost invariably brings a smile.
I think you are right - when people say "no problem" what they are thinking is "I did it because it didn't inconvenience me".
36. Rebekah said the following at 11:02 AM on Oct 31:
A lot of the time it is a "problem." Saying "No Problem" is saying basically denoting the time the other person took to say "Thank You." Of course, those of us who are unfortunate enough to work at Chick-fil-A for any length of time will forever be cursed with "My Pleasure!"
37. Maggie said the following at 11:13 AM on Oct 31:
Nick (#35):
Just to throw a little monkey wrench into things, I'd challenge you (and others) that if you're going to use an expression like, "my pleasure" or "it's a joy", you have to mean it or else it's just empty words! In the comments to the blog post "State of personality", a few people mentioned that (North) American style friendliness is sometimes perceived as superficial oversees. I'd much rather have a subdued "no problem" than a fake friendly "My pleasure!" when I know the server would much rather be doing something else! Once again, it's less about the words than the attitude behind them. That said, if saying "my pleasure" is a way to remind the self that serving others is a pleasure, than it's a good practice to get into!
38. Helkias said the following at 11:45 AM on Oct 31:
Hey Matt
I do admit to butchering the context of that rebuke, and I am sure Motte is in no way legalistic, but like many people have mentioned, we have different backgrounds and most people that I know who are saying, "No problem" in response to gratitude expressed, are not being rude or condescending. Maybe the question shouldn't be, Whatever happened to, "You're welcome", but rather what happened to understanding that we're all not native English speakers and the Western world rules of etiquette do not pervade the whole world?
Now unfortunately, this post does not have the zing of my previous one...
39. John said the following at 11:49 AM on Oct 31:
Ah, folks, you're forgetting that, along with "de nada", in spanish you can also say: "a la orden" This speaks to the servant attitude of the phrase Motte is referencing.
Spanish has far more respect imbedded in its language. (Ud. y tu, teacher=mastro o profesor, master or professor).
That's one of the things I love about Spanish, it hasn't changed as much as English and still holds much of what we regard as "old" customs of speech. Unfortunately, with free trade, open borders, etc. that is changing. Mexico, in particular, is becoming Disneyfied and English and Spanglish are taking over the Spanish language.
Language reflects culture.
Our culture does not respect formality, authority, or humility. (We're not unique in that, but very clearly lacking.)
40. John said the following at 11:53 AM on Oct 31:
Matt from DC,
Right on!
41. BDB said the following at 11:20 PM on Oct 31:
Just so you know, this post made me completely self-conscious at our church's "Trunk or Treat" Halloween alternative. I had hundreds of kids thanking me for candy after they threw a dart at a balloon. So I tried all the variations: You're welcome, no problem, uh-huh, de nada...
42. Charles H. said the following at 8:30 AM on Nov 1:
Boy, am I late to this particular party.
I get what people are saying about formality (and was going to discuss the Spanish 'de nada' if about 5 people before me hadn't done so) but regardless of language or formality, I just don't see the issue.
Someone is offering gratitude. You respond by saying that he hadn't inconvenienced you. How is that impolite? It's not like you're responding to "thanks" with "well, you'd better appreciate it, buster!" In all honesty it makes more sense to me than "you're welcome" - welcome to what, anyway?
43. Helen said the following at 9:53 AM on Nov 1:
Having come from Australia where our version of English seems to be slightly different to the North American norm... I grew up not saying "You're Welcome". For some reason we would always respond with "Thats alright". It was meant just as genuinely as "You're Welcome" though, but probably sounds somewhat similar to "No Problem". It wasn't till I came here to Canada that I realised that perhaps it didn't sound so polite to listening ears here. Oh well... just another of those moments of cross-cultural different-ness and babel-influenced language problems!
44. Roger M said the following at 11:43 AM on Nov 2:
This has been bugging me for years. I agree completely with the poster.
"No problem", may mean "its the least I could do" in the mind of the waiter, but to me its an insult. I feel like a chump for thanking the person in the first place.
I have noticed its at the place where the waitstaff is high schoolers that I get "no problem". When I go to more expensive places they respond with "my pleasure". The second is much more gracious.
45. abc said the following at 8:36 PM on Nov 2:
I agree with Motte 100%!
'No problem' sounds trashy. And what's worse than 'No Problem' is 'Yup!'
46. Elizabeth (from Canada) said the following at 1:40 PM on Nov 3:
In response to Nick (#35), when I say "no problem" what I am thinking is "Even though it might have inconvenienced me I don't want you to think it was a big deal because you might feel badly for it and not enjoy the gift/service that I rendered. But I appreciate very much that you did notice it enough to thank me." I'm not negating the thanks (which I always appreciate), but I am trying to minimize what I did.
47. Matt from DC said the following at 11:10 AM on Nov 4:
Motte,
Thanks for writing this post.
48. Texas Craig said the following at 1:42 PM on Nov 4:
Man, I would love it if Motte responded to Matt's post #47 with a hearty "no problem!"
:-)
49. Rachael said the following at 8:26 PM on Nov 5:
abc, what's so problematic about a cheery 'yup'?
Do people really think deep thoughts every time a specific 'thoughtless' "You're welcome" alternative is given?
Or is it a general sense of aversion to some English expressions...like, for instance, my lack of love for the term 'What's up?' used at times when the expected answer is 'Not much.' (though I've probably used the 2 words and will likely again)
50. MM said the following at 4:21 AM on Nov 13:
When I came to UK it was quite strange for me when I said Thank you to hear something like no worries, it's ok, no problem. I thought "where's the you're welcome?"
In Spain we say "de nada" which is similar to "my pleasure" more than "no problem". It means something like "you don't need to say thank you for anything because it was my pleasure to do this..."
51. tattler007 said the following at 10:38 AM on Dec 3:
I think i mainly depends on the tone in which the speaker is replying after thank you. If u say no problem in a polite way...or in a low pitch it may do equally good like my pleasure or u're welcome. U can also use"mention not" or "anytime"