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It's inarguable: Certain political stances are just "cool." It's cool to be concerned about the environment. It's cool to be concerned about AIDS. It's cool to be concerned about poverty. It's cool to be concerned about civil conflict.
And of course we should be concerned about these things.
But then there's that uncomfortably unhip group to whom Scripture fervently draws our attention: widows and orphans. "Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God," it says, "means caring for orphans and widows in their distress" (James 1:27).
I want to join Boundless author Gary Thomas in thinking about who an "orphan" might be. An orphan is a child who's been abandoned by her parents, either by their death or by their unwillingness or inability to care for them. An orphan is a child whose relationship with his parents has been severed.
Sounds a lot like those who are cut off from their parents pre-birth. As Gary writes in today's featured article, "Cool Compassion":
I'd like to suggest that in this day and age, a child on its way to an abortion clinic constitutes the classic "orphan." Even though both parents may technically be "alive," neither mother nor father is acting like a parent. Abortion by its very nature is the act of parents giving up all duties and responsibilities of caring for their child. And since that child is on its way to certain destruction, it is certainly "in distress." We should care, really care, about these children, whether or not it's fashionable to do so. Because God cares, we should care. It's that simple.
The Lord beckons us to care for these helpless ones, even if doing so is unfashionable. He expects us to defend the rights of these abandoned, orphaned little ones. May He give you and me wisdom as we consider how we might obey.
Author and columnist Tony Woodlief has an opinion piece in World magazine about why he is (now) a single-issue voter. It wasn't always this way. He writes,
I used to include abortion as part of my voting calculus, mind you, but only a part. What if a candidate is pro-life, for example, but favors disastrous tax and trade policies that would consign people to lower living standards? Or what if he wants to use our military in pursuit of ill-defined foreign policy goals? Shouldn't these things factor into my equation?
Then something changed. He realized,
Those other issues certainly affect a country's safety, prosperity, and greatness. But I've come to believe that a nation that tolerates destruction of innocents deserves neither safety nor prosperity nor greatness. We've descended into barbarism, and it poisons how we treat the elderly, the incapacitated, even ourselves. We shouldn't be surprised, having made life a utilitarian calculation, that more and more humans become inconvenient.
... abortion is, in my view, the touchstone. Get this one wrong and your moral compass can guide you in nothing else.
His decision is not without dilemma:
Perhaps my mentality is a recipe for political isolation for Christians, for the losing of elections, and maybe even a loss of national greatness. I worry that the alternative, however, is to lose something far greater, which is our ability to discern good from evil, and to act accordingly.
Given all the emails and fundraising letters flooding my in- and mail-boxes trying to guilt me into voting for one or another of the candidates, I appreciate the moral integrity and intellectual clarity of his argument. No manipulation, no ambiguity. In the end, it is the biblical position:
This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live (Deuteronomy 30:19).
Have you ever had one of those weeks where you just feel like "meh"? I'm kinda there right now. In the past few days, I fought off a cold (thank you, Jesus and Zicam), wrapped up a few work projects, had a couple hard conversations, and am now getting ready for another retreat this weekend. This is my singles group's Fall retreat, and it will be in a small mining town up in the mountains. Tomorrow night, we have a costume party where we are to dress up as folks would've during the Victorian era in that region. I get kinda excited about it as we start this week's show. Though I wore a corset-like top in a wedding last weekend, so am not looking forward to another evening of bondage. Again, meh. Shoot, it's a party, and I won't be working. I'll survive.
Halloween's Coming -- 0:00
"Halloween's coming, Halloween's coming, skeletons will be after YOU!" So begins a song we sang in grade school. I loved Halloween as a kid, but the "holiday" doesn't generally receive a warm welcome in Christian circles. So dressing up as your favorite demon isn't the best, but what about the employee costume parties at work, or the seemingly innocent doling out of candy to cute kids at your door? Seriously, who can resist a toddler in a pumpkin costume? And what about all those "alternative" celebrations? The Boundless team brings its pasts, prejudices and preferences to the table this week as we dissect the spookiest day of the year.
Dirty Mouths and Dancing Teens -- 14:53
Plugged In Online's Bob Waliszewski is back with the latest movie roundup in this week's culture segment. Which film currently in theaters drops a couple of F-bombs every minute? Which one has outrageously good-looking teens who are squeaky clean, amazingly talented, and plagued with nothing more than their abundant choice of hair products and college scholarships? Bob wades through the good, the bad and the "why are we even talking about this?" in an effort to help the cinematically-challenged among us.
Coffee and Conviction -- 28:32
Join John Thomas as he reflects on his days at a Christian coffee house, where he sipped substandard java and shared the Gospel with patrons. It wasn't always smooth conversation, and sometimes people walked out, yet who but God knows how John was used? Reminds me of Keith Green's lyric: "Just keep doin' your best, and pray that it's blessed...He'll take care of the rest."
Peaceful Politics -- 34:33
This week's Inbox question asks how Christians can discuss the election and share differing opinions with others, but do so in a grace-filled way that doesn't devolve into namecalling and damaged relationships. Candice and I dig down to some of the root concerns, and offer thoughts on how to hold on to your convictions without letting go of your friends.
Have a safe weekend, everyone. Whether you dress up and go to a party, or stay home and read about the Reformation, take a moment to do something real. Have a meaningful conversation with an old friend, pray for the election, thank God for His blessings, help a neighbor. Then kick back and eat an entire bag of candy corn, realizing that even in the midst of pagan holidays, a sketchy economy and a divisive election, God is indeed good.
This week, Ben Roethlisberger and the 5-2 Pittsburgh Steelers travel to FedEx field to battle the 6-2 Washington Redskins ... and their scantily clad cheerleaders.
Forget about the much anticipated match-up between the Steelers stingy run defense and the NFL's leading rusher Clinton Portis, can Big Ben keep from being distracted by the Redskins' cheerleaders who do their pre-game stretching near the opposing team?
Here's the report from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette: "I'm not a big fan of playing there because it is loud, they're really good at home and they try to make their cheerleaders stretch in our tunnel before we come out of the locker room. That's just not good," Roethlisberger said yesterday.
The practice by the Redskins cheerleaders was so legendary around the league that when commissioner Roger Goodell sent out a memo to all teams last year banning the practice some dubbed the "Redskins Rule."
"The couple of preseason games I've played down there, we've seen it," Roethlisberger said.
And it's a distraction?
"It can be, let's be truthful. They've done it before. I've heard a rumor that they're not allowed to do it anymore."
Of course it's a distraction for the players. And it's a temptation for the viewers. It's one of the reasons I'm glad I don't watch NFL games anymore. My wife's loving "Turn away!" still rings in my head. =)
Earlier this month we held a contest to give away 10 copies of the new ESV Study Bible. It was difficult to deny 99 percent of the 1,000+ entrants, but them's the rules. Congrats to the 10 winners, whose entries I've excerpted below. Thanks again to Crossway Books for their generosity in providing these study Bibles.
Raquel in New York City:
I am a youth leader for a group of around 20 mostly inner city youth in Brooklyn, NY. These kids are dealing with such things as gangs, drugs, various kinds of abuse, resistance from their parents to the things of God, you name it really. Among, obviously, the regular challenges teens face. It is overwhelming to work with. I also am involved with kids and girls clubs. The more I know, the more I have to bless them with and help them come to personal relationships with Christ. Any hope and all life for them exists in and through God as revealed in the Scriptures.
Ronald in Seattle:
I entered a one year treatment center at ---------. A faith based recovery center. I have had an addiction to Methamphetamine. My drug of choice for 18 years. During the time of my addiction, I prayed many prayers for Gods' help. I had always believed that god would save me from myself. I did not know when that journey would begin. It has begun. Through the years I have read scripture, but still not understanding what was being said to me. Even now that I study the word everyday, I still lack understanding. I am familiar with most of the stories and parables of the Bible. I don't think I receive everything being said. My knowledge is little but my faith is strong. I currently study out of a standard NIV. I feel my growth being hindered because of lack of understanding. It's not that I need this more than anyone.
Marc in Richvale, CA:
I am a missionary with ----- serving here in the USA among the Hispanic community.... I am planting a new church.... We served in Venezuela for 10 years and I have left most of my library in Venezuela with other missionaries and or nationals. This Study bible would be a great benefit for me in my study of the word and ministry in helping teach these new Christians.
Louie in the mountains of Kentucky:
I think I should get the ESV study bible so I can give it away. I work with very under privileged students in the mountains of Appalachia in Kentucky. There are no good churches for these students to go to (none that want them) and Myself, and those who help me with Appalachian Ministries are the only Jesus they see or hear, and there is only so much we can do with one hour a week. I would give the bible to a student who I think is called to the ministry, but has no bible of his own, no church to nurture and grow him, and once I graduate this year from the University of the Cumberland’s, no mentor to help him grow. I want to give him this bible.
Sarah:
Please forgive the fact that I leave my last name off of this email. I do so for security reasons, as I am in the final stages of leaving the country to serve God overseas for the next two years. The region where I will be serving is a current world "hot spot," a Muslim nation that has made international headlines almost everyday for the last few weeks. It is because of what I am about to do that I would love to have an ESV Study Bible. Although I will be working alongside other believers for the next two years, I will be far from my church home and in the heart of one of the most spiritually dark areas on the globe. As I am preparing to go, I am trying to put things in my suitcase that will help me to grow in my walk with the Lord and better equip me to fight off spiritual attacks. In this respect, the ESV Study Bible would certainly be very useful to me. Many Thanks for your consideration.
Cassie in Salem, Oregon:
One day a gal came to the young adults group I led and she was in a desperate place spiritually. Her ex-boyfriend had all of her stuff and wouldn't give it back, and her Bible was within that stuff. I ended up giving her my Bible, knowing I had an NIV Bible at home that I could use. I have since missed that Bible a lot. Last year I took a Bible survey class at my church and we talked about translations of the Bible. As one who has studied translation as a Spanish major, I suddenly saw the importance of having an accurate translation of the Bible. I have wanted to buy a new Bible that is a more accurate translation since I took that course, but haven't had the money. Now I am in graduate school and do not have the extra resources to spend the money that a good quality Bible requires.
Sandy in Houston:
I’m a single mom with three children.... We survived Tropical Storm Allison, while living with my parents here in Houston. We had over five feet of water in the house, and we lost all our possessions. But once again, God proved Himself faithful, because we learned that possessions weren’t the most important things in life. We were blessed that we had not lost each other (including the family dog!). Among our possessions lost, were our Bibles. I have since replaced my children’s Bibles, but my Bible is an inexpensive Bible that doesn’t include any sort of study helps. Just last week, I wandered down the isles of Half Price Books looking for something that I could afford, but nothing seemed to reach out to me, or if they did, they were too expensive. I’m on a very limited budget. I work several different jobs here at home so that I can be here with my kids, and homeschool them.... I feel more burdened that ever to be in constant prayer and to dig deep into God’s Word. When I read about this contest, I became so full of hope! I believe this Bible would be an amazing tool to help me study God’s Word, help me walk more closely with Him, and where I can find the wisdom and strength to press on!
Chris in Louisville, Kentucky:
I am about to complete my doctorate in expository preaching.... As great as the translation is, I believe the study Bible will be of even greater value, as I hear insights from some of the greatest Christian thinkers and how they apply a quality translation and insights to the world today. This will not only help me as a believer and leader, but will assist my congregation as I share these insights each week as I preach.... I have shared recently with our economy that maybe we can get one for a graduation gift. If I were to win one, I know it would not only be an early Christmas and graduation gift, but would be another example for the church in how God provides.
Amy in Concord, New Hampshire:
Me and my husband are on a very tight budget, and as of right now, I have been praying for an opportunity to get one of these bibles somehow and feel that this may be that opportunity. My husband (who is not saved) leaves for Iraq in just 4 short weeks, so I've been praying to get a new bible before he leaves so I can send the one that I have with him, in hopes that he may open it up when he feels lonely over there.... I'm not sure what I was to include in this email, but it was my understanding to let you know why I want this Bible in my life. I will continue to pray for you all as you choose the winners. Even if I'm not a winner, there are people that may need the new ESV more than me, and I pray that God will use this new tool in whomever's life to reap and sow many great things for our Father.
Michael in Iraq:
I am currently serving as a US Army Chaplain for a battalion of Soldiers.... We are approaching another deployment and are beginning preparations to serve our year in Iraq. Having already been deployed once, I understand the need for quality resources. Due to limited space, I cannot bring my pastoral library with me. I need a tool, in one volume, that I can use for personal study, lead Bible studies for Soldiers and prepare for preaching in Chapel. I believe that the ESV Study Bible fits these conditions. Not only will it be of great use to me in my own walk with Christ, but it will be invaluable in my calling to bring God to Soldiers and bring Soldiers to God. Thank you for considering my entry.
I've noticed an annoying trend in today's vernacular. It's the replacement of idioms "You're welcome!" and "My pleasure!" with "No problem."
Whether it's the check-out girl, waiter, or bank teller, saying thanks seems to always be met with a "No problem." I always think, Whew. I'm glad that wasn't a problem. Because if refilling my water glass were a problem, then we're all in serious trouble.
I think it stems from our egalitarian culture. Saying "you're welcome" and "my pleasure" distinguishes the server from the served by acknowledging, "It was my pleasure to serve to you." Or like the origins of "you're welcome," the served is "welcome" to the kind act that is given freely. But saying "no problem" has a superior feel to it, doesn't it? Sort of like announcing, "Hey, I'm doing you a favor. But don't worry, it's not a problem."
Or maybe this trend is really no problem at all. Just a reflection of my own peevish personality.
"Fearing the male sex drive has damaged a lot of lives."
The subtitle of today's Boundless article "When Pigs Fly" caught my attention (the title wasn't bad either). Really? I thought. It's damaged a lot of lives?
But author Mike Ensley should know. After 10 years of being involved with ministry to the sexually broken, he's met hundreds of men living with deep shame about their sexuality — even fear of it.
Now I know that it may be odd that a woman is writing this post, but Ensley points out that women are part of this equation as much as the men. Women have swallowed the societal message that "men are pigs" because of their sex drive. This is portrayed in the media, passed on by fathers to their daughters ("He only wants one thing") and even taught in churches.
Would it be controversial to say men are supposed to be the way we are? That, despite the sin we struggle with, there is something good and God-like lying dormant in our sexual wiring? To believe that my sexuality is a gift and not a curse, most of the time I feel like I'm hoping against hope.
As I'm growing, though, I am becoming more and more convinced that there's something glorious locked away in the misused and misunderstood sexuality of men.
While there are many ways men (and women, for that matter) can go wrong with their sexuality, Ensley reminds us that sin is a perversion. And for something to be perverted, "there must first be something pure to pervert." After all, God created the sexes to complement and help each other:
I think we all get — to some degree — that a woman inspires a man to venture into deeper realms of relationship. I imagine, though, that a wife is served by her husband's passion that, directed in godliness, burns with an immediacy that pulls her out of her inner world and into the moment.
Wow. It reminds me that God knows what He's doing. Learning not to fear sexuality doesn't mean we let it run wild, outside submission to Christ. Instead, when we recognize sex and the drive behind it for what it is — something profound, engineered by Creator God with specific purposes — we will be even more protective of it.
Viewing men as pigs may be socially acceptable, but as Christians we must view life, including male sexuality, from God's perspective. Men are not inherently flawed because of their sex drives. Rather, they are created to proclaim God's glory. And when we realize this, pigs — who are not actually pigs after all — will fly.
My wife and I voted last night. Hearing that our state ballot would be particularly long this year, we signed up a couple months ago for the vote-by-mail option. Our ballots arrived in the mail in early October, but -- seeing that our state ballot was particularly long this year -- we kept putting off the actual act of filling them out.
We finally sat down at the kitchen table last night, armed with candidate voting records, an analysis of our local judges and a handy guidebook to the issues provided to all residents of our state. We then proceeded to complete a double-sided ballot that included candidates for national and local office, more than a dozen state amendments and referendums (referenda?), and a smattering of county and school district questions.
We confirmed our vote for president, whether to retain our county court judges and whether an unborn child should be considered a "person." In all, the process took less than 20 minutes, and this morning I delivered our sealed ballots to a local collection point.
Because we spent a few minutes learning about the issues and candidates ahead of time, the final process was a simple matter of filling in the blanks. No stress, no indecision, no sweat.
It's not too late for the rest of you. There's still time to become an informed voter, and to even avoid the long lines of next Tuesday. Many states are offering early voting through the end of this week. If you still prefer to vote on Election Day, just try not to get there too late in the day, or at least be sure to allow enough time if the lines are long at your local polling place.
But whatever you do, don't neglect this opportunity to participate in the process. After all, if you don't vote, you really have no business complaining about the outcome. Voting isn't just a right, it's a privilege.
If you don't believe me, just ask the people of Zimbabwe.
So for no particular reason the thought came to me to bring up the country of my birth, West Germany, as well as its neighbors.
A few years back, on a whim, I decided to make a whirlwind tour through parts of Europe. On Saturday I bought my airplane ticket from Virginia Beach to Rome, returning via Paris. Two days later, I set foot in Italy with my backpack and a book by Rick Steves. No hotel reservations, no train passes, no cars lined up, nobody to meet me at the airport.
Ah, the adventure that awaited! Somehow, in a week, I had to make my way from Italy to France, and hopeful enjoy the trip. Did I mention I brought an old camera with me?
I'd be interested in seeing how many of the locations you can identify in the following photos. I'd also be interested in hearing where you've adventured, and whether you see any value in international travel.
God has really been working on my heart in the area of loving the poor. The poor are obviously close to His heart, and yet I have a calloused attitude toward them. Near the beginning of this year, I read The Justice God is Seeking by worship leader and songwriter David Ruis (He wrote "Every Move I Make"). God used the book to begin changing my attitude.
On Friday, Boundless posted the first part of my article, "Remember the Poor." In it, I pass on Ruis' insights on the poor and marginalized and talk about my own struggle with getting involved. I have discovered that I have many ideas about the poor that do not come from God's Word.
Social justice, humanitarianism, volunteerism and spreading wealth to those in need are things that our generation feels passionate about. Many believe that these "love your neighbor" changes must be brought about through political power. Others believe the church is responsible. Ruis brings forward a third option: Ministry to the poor must begin with the heart of the individual Christian. A central part of Jesus' ministry was to "preach good news to the poor" (Luke 4:18). And so it must be with us — His hands and feet on earth.
In response to my first article, one reader wrote: The more I draw near to the Lord, the more He draws me nearer to the poor. As a single woman, it can be a bit intimidating to consider how to help because the environments in which the poor and homeless reside are not always the safest. I don't know if an article could be provided in the future, or perhaps a blog post started that would invite ideas. I'd like to offer a few ideas that I have been prompted to in the past few months.
I provided a few specific ideas in part 2 of my article. But I would like to hear yours, too. What avenues have you found to build relationships with those in need? How has God challenged you in this area of loving the poor and marginalized? I hope we can be challenged together to live out the ministry God has for us to remember the poor.
I’ve just returned from spending some time in Germany. It, along with Denmark, is the land of my ancestors, so that in a way colored my interaction with the people I met. Every person I interacted with was a potential relative.
Some thoughts:
Driving 165kph (102mph) on the autobahn wasn’t as fun as it was when I was younger. Many years ago, when I lived in Switzerland, I would cross into Germany at Basel and put the pedal to the metal, basking in an exhilarating sense of freedom as I blasted along the autobahn. (The Swiss, fuddy-duddies that they are, insisted on a speed limit on their autoroute.) This time, 165kph seemed on the very edge of control. (Never mind that people were still passing me, even at that speed.) Perhaps I can blame encroaching fuddy-duddydom, but I slowed down to a mere 130kph (80mph). Besides, my three-squirrel-powered rental screamed in protest when I got that fast, and I half expected a piston or two to come punching through the hood.
Speaking of roads, in all the time I spent in Bamberg, Nuremberg, Munich, Füssen and points in between, never once did I encounter anything remotely resembling the chewed-up, potholed wastelands that pass for roads in so many American cities. Why is that?
The Germans have the service and hospitality thing down pat. A lot of American businesses could learn a thing or two from them. I’m also humbled that almost everyone I encountered spoke way better English than I spoke German. Bavaria is beautiful this time of year, with the hillsides a riot of different colored leaves as autumn settles in. I am reminded of a song I heard long ago: "Vor uns liegt ein weites Tal / Die Sonne scheint mit Glitzerstrahl."
A lot of Americans giggle when they see the German sign for “exit”: Ausfahrt. But as a sage friend commented, “Is there any other kind?” I also had a friend who thought Ausfahrt was a city, and she was amazed that so almost every German road led there.
I ate enough schnitzel to last several lifetimes. Why can’t one find good schnitzel here in the States?
I spent some time with American soldiers stationed near Bamberg. They were members of the 319th Airborne Field Artillery Regiment and recently returned after 15 months in Afghanistan. Their brigade lost nine soldiers killed and many more wounded in a big firefight in the Wanat Valley—a mere two weeks before they were to return home. It hit a lot of them hard. No matter what you think about war, be sure to thank a soldier, Marine, airman or sailor when you see them. They are sacrificing a lot more than their lives in service to this country.
There is a McDonalds and a Burger King just outside the entrance to the memorial site for the Nazis’ Dachau death camp. (More on Dachau in another post.) Have they no sense of propriety?
Today I published a TrueU article about how we can all change the world. It may be simpler than you thought.
I've realized that doing faith, that really changing the world for God's glory, is much more difficult than talking about it. Jesus wants us to go and make disciples, to bring about His kingdom, to share His truth. But that's hard: A lot of times I write stuff that I think is beautiful and inspiring. I hijack an abstract idea like "faith in action" and then talk a lot about how Jesus wanted us to do things. I use bouncy verbs like shout and jump and reach. I get myself very hyped up about this idea of faith being something that we do. I write about it and talk about it and am very convinced that Jesus wants me to be a mover, a doer, a helper.
Then I go take a nap.
The nap usually comes in because acting out faith requires stepping out of my comfort zone. Or I shrug off responsibility because I hear about poverty in the world or the ideas that compete against the Christan worldview, and it seems almost impossible to overcome those things. But this is where I need to recognize that each of us has been called to work within the body in different ways. Your way of changing the world for Christ will probably look different than mine.
One of the ways I can share God's truth is through the articles I write. But I think He's called me to sharing truth and love in smaller ways as well: A lot of the time, He probably wants me to wash my roommate's dishes or to be patient with my brother. I think He wants me to learn His Word and to get to know Him so well that He is my favorite thing to talk about when I'm around others. He wants me to feel compassion for the homeless people downtown, and I think Jesus wants me to actually apply the words I write to my own life.
So, whether it's implementing policy or cleaning up after your roommates, what does changing the world for God's glory look like for you?
My husband interned for a summer in Washington D.C. So when he took me there several years later for my first visit to our nation's capital, he had this advice: "Heather, don't smile at people on the Metro."
Huh?
Evidently, I tend to smile and look people in the eye whether I'm at church or at an airport or in a mall. Kevin wanted me to know that people on the Metro simply wanted to be left alone.
So I tried. I really did. But when you grow up in a place where people still wave each other on at the four-way stop, it was hard to suddenly act disinterested, hip and oh-too-busy. So I slipped and smiled a few times. And, one time, someone smiled back.
Evidently Kevin understood by instinct what a recent Wall Street Journal article confirms. "The United States of Mind" reports on new research, based on over 600,000 questionnaires, that finds certain regional clusters of personality traits. According to the article: "Even after controlling for variables such as race, income and education levels, a state's dominant personality turns out to be strongly linked to certain outcomes."
The research ranks states on five characteristics: extroversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, neuroticism and openness. My particular state ranks #9 in agreeableness (#1 being the most agreeable). Washington D.C.'s agreeableness? #50.
According to the map showing the state-by-state results, my state is more agreeable and conscientious than my fellow bloggers' state, but theirs is waaay more laid back (it's #50 in neuroticism) than mine. It's gotta be that crisp mountain air.
Of course, the article warns against taking the results too seriously: "There's no way to unravel the chicken-and-egg question: Do states tend to nurture specific personalities because of their histories, cultures, even climates? Or do Americans, seeking kindred spirits, migrate to the states where they feel at home? Maybe both forces are at work -- but in what balance?"
And, as the Boundless clan pointed out in a recent podcast, Christians shouldn't use our personality tendencies as an excuse not to follow Biblical commands.
But as I plan my trip to New England soon, I'm finding the results informative. The states I'm planning to visit are not very agreeable, not very conscientious and pretty neurotic. But they do rank high in openness.
Maybe they won't mind, then, if I smile.
You're probably thinking, Where in the world is the lovely and talented Lisa Anderson? Well, she's having a busy week preparing for her friend's wedding. Here's her e-mail begging off this week's podcast blog: First I have to go to a final dress fitting and nail appt, then rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, and a bachelorette party that I'm cohosting. Then I'm housing the bride and the maid of honor. Then Friday it's hair appts, getting ready, photos, the wedding, reception, etc. Saturday is Love Won Out, which I have to work, plus [my nephew's] birthday party. Sunday, [my church community] has a potluck with [another church community].
So she asked if I could write it. Which is awesome because we talk about politics in this week's Roundtable. And as many of you may know, I love talking politics.
A Time to Vote -- 0:00
I'm leading a book study this semester on Paul Tripp's "How People Change." There's a part that talks about how Christians should be "thankfully discontent" or "joyfully dissatisfied" this side of heaven as we long to be like Christ. The reason I bring it up here is because it perfectly describes my approach to politics. I am thankful for our political process even when I'm discontent with the outcome; I am joyful in the hope I have in Christ though I may be dissatisfied with policies that reflect a fallen world. You'll hear more in this week's Roundtable as we talk about this year's election.
Bebo Norman -- 17:45
For our Culture segment, Lisa sits down with Bebo Norman to talk about 13 years in the music biz, marrying at 30, and his latest, self-titled album with a song to Britney Spears. Afterward, Bebo and I shared some funny anecdotes about growing up in the South with unusual names. Oh, and he's also graciously provided his music for the show. Which is awesome.
The College Car -- 42:16
 My first college car was 1980 Mercury Bobcat. Ain't she a beaut? Ah, the memories: the slip of the clutch, the crack in the dash, the really, really, really, really slow acceleration. This week Patrick Dunn recollects his college car and how he drove it to a little place called spiritual maturity.
Strong Community or Strong Preaching? -- 49:35
There's no such thing as the perfect church. So most of us find ourselves committed to a body of believers with strengths in one area and seeming insufficiencies in another. In this week's Inbox, Lisa, Ted, and I answer a question from a young woman who's benefiting from a strong 20-something community at her church but longs for deeper teaching. Should she stay or go?
Five years ago, my colleague Mitch Temple and I took a flight to Atlanta and then drove up to Rome, Georgia where we dodged herds of deer on the campus of Berry College trying to find a place called the WinShape Retreat Center that Chick-fil-A had built out of an old dairy barn.
"Bubba" Cathy, Senior Vice President of Chick-fil-A, welcomed us alongside men and women representing dozens of marriage and family organizations. Cathy and the other organizers of the event wondered aloud what would happen if a broad range of groups -- including churches, non-profits, businesses and government groups -- worked together to restore the strength of marriages and family in America.
To be honest, I was a little skeptical. I've been in one too many settings where someone dreamed about the possibilities of "working together." For all the potential of broad coalitions, there are just too many challenges involved in trying to forge cooperative efforts. As a result, many dreams of linking arms for greater purposes slowly die.
But, I'm pleasantly surprised to see what's been growing out of the effort that started in the north woods of Georgia. I just spent a few minutes watching videos at Marriage & Family Foundation about a new national ad campaign focused on bringing back marriage in America.
For all the election talk about which policies and programs America needs in order to get back on her feet, these videos will remind you that one of the most promising investments we can make right now is in helping Americans form and strengthen families. Few efforts have proven to so dramatically shape the health, wealth and wellbeing of a population.
It's my hope that this generation of Boundless readers will have the distinction of being a part of this historic marriage movement -- by going into your own marriages with a high level of vision and preparation but also by finding ways to invest in the (current and future) marriages in your community.
Lately, my hubbie and I have started quoting a certain verse to each other: Proverbs 23:5.
It usually goes something like this. Hubbie: Did you see the Dow today?
Me: Yep. Nice. Ah, cast but a glance at riches...
Hubbie: ... for they sprout stupid wings and fly away.
Well, we paraphrase. But we do smile. And for a saver like me, it's nice to smile as you see your nest egg starting to scramble. These days, I seem to cycle from shock to frustration to composed calm and then back through again.
I'm finding, though, that the calm sections are starting to last longer and longer -- mainly because of a big lesson the Lord has been teaching me. That lesson? The difference between saving and hoarding, and what my attitude needs to be towards each.
I wrote about that Friday on Boundless in an article titled "Maggots in the Manna." "So, which is it? Does my saving make me the wise ant of Proverbs — storing up my provisions in the summer? Or am I the Rich Fool — making plans to store my excess so I'll have "good things laid up for many years" only to find that I'm a fool in God's eyes?
How do I balance these Scriptures, without ignoring either?"
After talking about the biblical differences between the saving and hoarding, I came to realize that my tendency to save can be just as destructive to my walk with Christ as someone who overspends: "I'm becoming more and more convinced that Satan will gladly encourage spenders to devour and he'll gladly encourage savers like me to hoard. As long as, either way, we're not giving."
Give it a read and see what you think. And, if you haven't noticed, Ted has been posting some good money articles lately. There are four besides "Maggots" in the last two weeks. Take a look -- it'll be more fun than watching the Dow.
Hunter Baker has an article about divorce in Salvo magazine about the causes of and damage done by divorce in America. For a generation so hoping to wed, and so averse to the idea of divorce, it's well worth the read.
In "Separation Anxiety," he asks, "How has a decision that at times seems calculated to destroy lives become so common and acceptable in our culture?"
Among his answers, he argues that, Perhaps the most compelling explanation for the rising divorce rates, however, comes from religious quarters. According to this viewpoint, it is the increasing secularization of American society that accounts for so many divorces. The quest for personal satisfaction and gratification is no longer considered egocentric, and self-sacrifice is increasingly seen as an anachronism, along with the religious beliefs that once informed it. Countless studies show that religious practice strengthens marital stability, while others indicate that a loss of religious belief can weaken marriage beyond repair. Moreover, a team of sociologists at Nassau Community College found that children are more likely to lose their faith following a divorce than they were before, which means that divorce itself can be the cause of the unbelief that leads to further divorce.
So where does this leave us? ... in the space of a single human lifetime, we have moved from being a family-and-marriage culture to a divorce-and-cohabitation culture. Instead of living out the adage that children are born to push us finally and fully into adulthood, we have opted for a prolonged adolescence. We talk about "starter marriages" just as we do "starter homes." For many, "until death do us part" is a pleasant ceremonial accessory, a tradition without much meaning. I can recall a news story about how Japanese couples want "Western" weddings because they like the style. I wonder whether we are similar in our desires. We like the form of the Western wedding, but not the substance. We speak vows, but who takes them seriously? And do any of us really care about the lives being ruined by our inability to make lasting commitments?
His solution? What America needs is an intervention like that found on A&E's hit television series—something (or someone) to help us see precisely how far our noncommittal culture has fallen, as well as what we can do to reestablish marriage as a sacred institution whose permanence equates with the wellbeing of our nation. The people who worked so assiduously to make divorce a normal affair may have believed that children and adults would come to see divorce as no big deal—that divorce itself was a liberating and altogether positive cultural development. But looking back from this side of the divorce revolution, we now know for certain that they were very, very wrong.
I never liked taking the Seventeen magazine "Does he have a crush on you" type quizzes. Even as a boy-crazy teenager I knew they were lame and inaccurate. So, when Motte suggested I take the Boundless DTR Assessment, I was hesitant. My reservations were twofold. First, I remembered how the Seventeen quiz answers never quite fit whatever situation I was in. Instead of my answer being a, b, or c it was often "none of the above" or "other." It usually went something like: After school lets out my crush:
a) walks me to the bus
b) rushes past me in the hall to catch up with his cronies
c) says he will Instant Message me after football practice
But because I went to school in a Southern two-horse town my answer was more like: Other) blows the dixie horn of his Chevy truck as I walk across the parking lot
Classy, right?
The second reason I didn't want to take the assessment was because my current boyfriend is great about "defining the relationship." In the short time we've been getting to know each other, I've never have to wonder where we are. Still, the boss did ask. So I took it. And to my surprise, the questions and multiple-choice answers really did describe my situation.
But I wasn't sold just yet. As I waited for the results to appear in my inbox, I leaned back in my desk chair expecting a good laugh.
Here's what I got instead: You have a level of clarity that is on pace with your level of connection. This could also show that the guy you are seeing is giving you the information you need within an appropriate timeframe, allowing your relationship to develop naturally.
The feedback was dead-on. If asked to describe my relationship, I would have said something similar.
The DTR assessment is not definitive, nor does it claim to be. It's also not a substitute for seeking God's guidance, bringing my relationship into community and inviting older, wiser people to speak into this part of my life. But it did confirm some things I was already thinking and gave me confidence going forward.
So I can understand why it's gone viral, with over 20,000 tests taken so far. It's actually helpful.
TypePad, the company providing the platform for our blog, has surprised us with some new "features."
I don't like them at all. TypePad, for example, has mandated new restrictions on the number of comments that can appear on a page (50), the number of blog posts that can appear on an archive page, and so on. I'm doing my best to fix the mess they created. In the meantime, please accept my apology for the navigational weirdness.
Can you be "pro-life" and vote for a "pro-abortion" candidate? It's a question considered by Gerard V. Bradley writing for The Witherspoon Institute in this article. The answer is yes, you can be pro-life and vote for a pro-choice candidate. But the moment you do, you essentially become "pro-abortion". Here's why: The "pro-life" voter who votes for a "pro-choice" candidate materially -- that is, in fact and as a matter of foreseeable effect -- cooperates in sustaining this country's radically defective legal structure about abortion. Take the case of presidential elections. Voting for a "pro-choice" candidate helps him to win the presidency, and helping him to win the presidency is, perforce, to help him make his declared "pro-choice" policies a reality (or, to the extent such policies are in place, to help him to block efforts to repeal them). The "pro-life" voter who votes for a "pro-choice" candidate knowingly declines to do what he or she can do to legally protect the unborn from being killed-namely, to vote for a "pro-life" candidate (if one is running).
We've been having an internal discussion at Boundless on the culpability of Christians who knowingly support a pro-abortion president. Here's the question we're pondering: When a pro-abortion president they helped elect signs legislation which directly leads to more abortions, do those Christians have blood on their hands?
HT: Between Two Worlds
I suppose it's finally time to admit that I am an extrovert. For years I have been telling people that I am an introverted extrovert. That I recharge with alone time. But I'm pretty sure that's not true anymore.
Take this weekend for example. I deliberately made no plans so that I could get some things done — clean my room and bathroom, mop the kitchen floor, work on a writing project. I turned off my phone. I didn't go on Facebook. I drank an entire French press...twice.
By the end of the weekend I was terribly lonely. The absence of people highlighted that empty spot that I suppose is always there. In his article "The Gift of Loneliness," Peter Nadeau describes that gnawing feeling of alone: If there's an organ in the body that causes loneliness, I'm sure it's located near the stomach. When I'm really hungry I'll eat anything—lettuce, ice, dried pasta, frozen peas. The same is true when I'm lonely. I'll look anywhere or do anything to stop the hunger.
I know I'm lonely when I check my e-mail, click on another site, and then check my box again to see if mail came in. Maybe I missed something. Sometimes I dial the voicemail on my cell phone to check for messages, even though the very colorful and accurate display screen reads "no new messages." Maybe the screen messed up. When I get home from work, my first stop is my office to check my phone. Aha! The little green light on my caller ID box is flashing. A new message! I dial into the system. I punch in my code. I wait. I frown. I hang up. Another telemarketer wants to sell me solar heating for my pool.
I can relate. I try to avoid these lonely moments as much as possible. But perhaps loneliness serves an important purpose. Nadeau explains that Adam felt incomplete before Eve, but it allowed him to recognize that God had more for him: I know too many singles who pretend they aren't lonely and pretend they don't care about marriage. At times, I fight the same temptation. It's easier to deny the angst of being without a soulmate than to step into the abyss of loneliness. Stifling a desire makes us feel in control; acknowledging a desire makes us vulnerable. Yet a desire that isn't open can't be filled. Adam's experience reminds singles that loneliness is normal and necessary.
This is affirming to me, because often I grow weary of the single life. I want to throw in the towel because everything seems out of place in my life. I took a wrong turn somewhere. I need a new job. I need to change churches. I need new hobbies. I need new friends. I need to move to a new city. Yet when I calm down and take a good look at my life, I realize I actually like my job and my church. I enjoy my hobbies. I value my friends. I love where I live. I'm just out of sorts because I feel unconnected. But it's okay; I should. Adam had the same feeling until God gave him Eve. We're made for so much more. Loneliness is the wailing siren that doesn't let me forget.
The way I chose to deal with my loneliness this weekend was by reading Ephesians 6 and reminding myself of the need to put on the full armor of God. Nadeau points out that loneliness drives us to God: Loneliness brings me to a place of submission and surrender. The weight of a lonely heart is too great a burden for me to bear. I struggle, strain, and grit my teeth to carry the load, but it becomes too much. I'm forced to lay it at God's feet and let him carry it. Surrendering our desires for intimacy to God isn't the same as stifling those desires. When we surrender our desires for romance to Christ, we admit we aren't in control of this area of our lives nor do we want to be. We heed his call to patience. We wait for his best. When we kneel before our Father with uplifted hands, we have his promise that when we ask for bread, he won't give us a stone.
And ultimately, loneliness isn't a single problem; it's a human problem. God meets our need for community and connection in this life in a variety of ways: marriage, family, Christian fellowship. But our lonely moments also remind us that this world is not our true home. It's good to remember that now and then.
I love what the Lord has done over the past few decades in calling together contemporary musicians to lead us in singing our worship of the Lord.
Among my favorite bands in this regard is Third Day, who led us during our chapel service a couple of hours ago* in pondering the depth of the love of God, in wondering at the majesty of His creation, in lifting our voices to Him.
The Creator's gift of music has numerous legitimate uses, among them the ability to encourage us in our faith and to express ourselves to Him. As many of us prepare for a weekend church service, I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts on all things worship music: Which worship-facilitating musicians (from Delirious to Arvo Pärt to The Martins to Skillet to Cool Hand Luke to Hillsong, etc.) do you like and why? What styles of music most move you to resonate with God's truth? If you're in a "worship band," what have been some highlights for you? How might your church's musicians better serve you in magnifying the Lord and edifying the congregation?
*Photos from the Oct. 17 chapel service here at Focus on the Family, taken by me with my Nikon D40 through a 55-200VR lens.
Well, my trip to Kansas City was great, despite trying to assemble the final elements of my presentation in my hotel room the night before, and despite feeling a bit less put together than the other ladies at the conference. Seriously, I felt like I was at a Mary Kay convention. My fellow attendees (mostly older women) wore suits, had elaborately styled hair, perfectly applied makeup, and coordinating jewelry and handbags. I, on the other hand, stumbled into our upscale hotel in jeans and a hoodie, big sunglasses and minimal makeup.
As a workshop presenter, I was assigned an "assistant" for the weekend, and when she met me in my room to deliver my conference materials, I was barefoot, brushing my teeth, hair askew. I could almost see her mouth the words "No way" when we met. But I pulled myself together and survived. I even donned a dress, jacket and heels for my workshop, and took it in stride when a Nigerian woman told me quite loudly afterwards that the jacket made me look pregnant.
Meet the Parents -- 0:00
Another highlight of the trip was meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time, since they live in the KC area. I braved this event alone, so yes, I am a saint. That said, they took me out for BBQ (honestly, can anything go wrong when red meat is involved?) and proceeded to winsomely tell me about themselves and then ask a few questions of me. They are all introverts, so I'm pretty sure they went home and imploded after such a social stretch, but I appreciated their effort. They are delightful people. We even took a group photo before parting so they could show me to Nana, my bf's 100-yr-old grandmother, who couldn't join us that evening.
In this week's roundtable, we all share stories of "meeting the parents" for the first time, and discuss what to observe (and what to overlook) in that first, often awkward, get-together.
Population Overload? -- 12:47
6.7 billion and counting. The global population debate rages on. What's the real story? Phillip Longman, author, demographer and unlikely Boundless contributor, has a few things to say about birth rates and their effect on culture, the economy and the balance of world power.
Wait Your Turn! -- 27:55
Remember when in Pride and Prejudice, Mr. Darcy's aunt, Lady Catherine de Bourgh, was appalled that even the younger Bennet girls were "out" before the older ones were married? Well, even modern-day women can sympathize with this seeming affront to what's right and fair. Suzanne Hadley's youngest sister recently married, and while Suzanne was tempted to fume, she instead saw a picture of God's perfect timing. In this week's The Hungry Years, she reflects on what it looks like for God to give good things...exactly when He wants to.
Womb: Closed for Business -- 31:03
She wants kids, but wants to adopt them. All of them. No biological children are in the forecast. And she's frustrated that people criticize her for this decision. Steve and Candice open up the debate, and offer this listener some things to think about as she plans for the future.
By the way, did any of you recognize your bosses this week on Boss' Day? I must give a shout-out to my team, the most awesome in the world, who not only took me out for Indian food, but gave me a fab basket full of Burt's Bees products, chocolate, gum, homemade ginger snaps, and a mix CD of great tunes including some old-school DC Talk: "To the ones that think they heard, I did use the J-word. Cuz I ain't too soft to say it -- even if DJs don't play it!" Classic.
On his blog today, Dr. Albert Mohler addresses "fetus fatigue" as it relates to this year's presidential election. And he does so by acknowledging that some of reasons for it are understandable. I can understand the fatigue. So little progress seems to have been made. So much ground has been lost. So many unborn babies have been aborted. The culture has turned increasingly hostile to this commitment, especially among the young. There is a sense that many want to get on with other issues.
There is fatigue and frustration with the Republican Party and with limited progress. There is frustration with mixed signals and missed opportunities. There is the acknowledgment that we have too often been told what we want to hear and then ignored.
Many of our commentators have voiced similar frustrations. And they've concluded that it doesn't really matter which party's in power when it comes to abortion, particularly the presidency. But they're wrong.
As Dr. Mohler points out, this election will almost certainly decide whether legislation called the Freedom of Choice Act is signed into law, which would cancel all current state, federal, and local regulations on abortions, including those concerning parental notification. The result would be a "radical increase in the numbers of abortions." A fact the abortion industry concedes.
Dr. Mohler ends with this: The question comes down to this: How many lives are we willing to forfeit -- to write off as expendable -- in order to "move on" to other issues of concern? There is no way to avoid that question and remain morally serious. The voting booth is no place to hide.
I asked my friend if I could print the rest of her list of questions to ask a potential spouse, and she agreed. Please keep in mind that this is one person's list and is not meant to be comprehensive. Also, the questions are not written to be asked directly to the man; the questions are directed at the woman for her to consider. My friend writes: If she doesn't know the answer to a question, and it's important to her, she may need to tactfully ask him some questions about that subject. Or, she may need to ask questions of his friends or parents, or make other observations. These are meant to get her thinking about things she may not have yet considered. And it may help her think of other questions.
Spiritual
- Will he be the spiritual leader of your home?
- When you share with him your deepest spiritual thoughts, does he relate?
- Do his life and conversation reveal that he is truly connected with the Savior?
- Do his goals in life show that he wants to please the Lord above all?
- Are his goals in life compatible with yours?
Emotional
- How does he handle anger?
- (Added by me) Does he demonstrate emotional stability?
Mental
- Do you respect him intellectually?
Financial
- Does he have a gambling addiction?
- Does he have a spending addiction?
- How does he handle finances (budgeting, what he spends money on, tithing)?
- Is he a diligent, dependable worker?
- Does he make enough money to support you and future children?
- Does he expect you to work outside the home, or does he expect you to stay home with the kids?
Again, these questions are not restricted to the guys. They're just good questions meant to help you exercise wisdom as you move forward with relationships. What questions would you add?
Lately I've had a lot to keep me up at night. Or rather, wake me up at night. With only five weeks to go till the baby is due I'm up every two hours or so to use the facilities. With only three weeks to go till the election, I usually lie awake after tripping to the bathroom worrying about the outcome. Few things are more frustrating than lying awake in the darkness, desperate for sleep, with a racing mind. And so I've been trying to pray through the alphabet using Scripture.
It's an idea my mentor and friend, Phyllis, suggested. One that she used during a particularly sleepless season of her own life. "Start with A," she said, and move through the alphabet, quoting verses that begin with each letter:
A - All we like sheep have gone astray.
B - Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you shall be saved.
C - Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest. (this one's especially comforting to me, given my circumstances when I'm praying it)
D - Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. (right now it's peace I desire most)
And so on. I usually get to about M or O and then I don't remember finishing, having drifted back to a much more peaceful and restful sleep. On occasion, I have tried going all the way to Z. Certain letters (notably, Q, X, Z, and others) pose problems. It's not that there aren't scriptures for them, just that I don't have them memorized.
I keep meaning to do a search online for verses that start with words that start with those letters (or at least have prominent Q, X and Z words in them) Now that I have a newly released ESV Study Bible, I'm even more motivated. Not only is it a breakthrough publication, but the publishers have made an online searchable version available to those who buy the print version. Have you signed up to win yours?
Almost 20,000 people have completed the "Define the Relationship" assessment since we launched it February 2007. That assessment was our humble attempt at giving people a chance to compare the level of connection they have in a relationship with the amount of clarity they have in order to see if the relationship needs to be further defined. We've gotten a lot of feedback from users about improvements we could make to that assessment -- and we do hope to make those tweaks once we move to a new publishing system in the not too distant future.
In the meantime, I wanted to let you know about a much more powerful assessment now available from Boundless and Focus on the Family. We have partnered with Life Innovations to provide a custom version of their popular Couple Checkup www.family.org/couplecheckup for seriously dating and engaged couples. This is a Web-based assessment that is similar to the paper-based tool used by thousands of counselors and pastors around the world to help couples better understand themselves and their relationship as they consider marriage.
For the price of a date ($29.95), couples can take this assessment and get valuable insights about the strengths and potential growth areas in their relationship. We offer an FAQ about this tool that should answer most of your questions about how it works.
It's our hope that the Couple Checkup will help marriages start stronger. If you end up taking it, we'd love to hear your feedback.
John Piper calls the True Woman Manifesto a "faithful, clear, true, wise—indeed—magnificent document." What is it? It's a collection of beliefs, affirmations, and intentions for women desiring to live godly lives in a culture that "does not accept Scripture as the pattern for life."
The manifesto was put out by Nancy Leigh DeMoss's Revive Our Hearts ministry and their goal is to garner 100,000 signatures or more. So if you affirm beliefs like the following, here's where you can sign up: Men and women are both created in the image of God and are equal in value and dignity, but they have distinct roles and functions in the home and in the church.
We are called as women to affirm and encourage men as they seek to express godly masculinity, and to honor and support God-ordained male leadership in the home and in the church.
Marriage, as created by God, is a sacred, binding, lifelong covenant between one man and one woman.
When we respond humbly to male leadership in our homes and churches, we demonstrate a noble submission to authority that reflects Christ's submission to God His Father.
Selfish insistence on personal rights is contrary to the spirit of Christ who humbled Himself, took on the form of a servant, and laid down His life for us.
Human life is precious to God and is to be valued and protected, from the point of conception until rightful death.
You may also want to check out their True Woman Make-Over, which is "a 30-day email journey that will make you over from the inside out."
In Ted's post "Slow Descent into Fornication," one commenter, who is in a serious relationship, asked whether she should bring up the issue of pornography with her boyfriend. The answer is a resounding yes. A wise and wonderful married friend of mine compiled a list of the "hard questions" to ask a potential spouse. She created the list based on heartbreaking circumstances she witnessed in her friends' marriages. She emphasizes asking your intended very specific questions. Not just, "Have you viewed pornography?" but "When and for how long?"
This is not meant to say that if your guy doesn't measure up in one of these areas, you must dump him, my friend points out. It is meant to help you honestly consider what life will be like with this person in the long run, and figure out how to prevent future trouble.
These questions would be appropriate to ask someone you are engaged to or courting for the purpose of marriage; many of them apply to both sexes, though I'm phrasing them in the masculine here.
- Is he a virgin? How do you know?
- Does he have a sex addiction? How do you know?
- Has he ever looked at pornography? How do you know? What is he looking at, how often, for how long, and what exactly he was doing to deal with the problem?
- Has he ever used alcohol or drugs?
- If he has had sex before or has taken intravenous drugs, does he have HIV or any other STD? How do you know?
- Does he have the same opinions about birth control that you do? (Do you share the same convictions about appropriate methods?)
This list of questions may come across as a downer, but it shouldn't. Many of the comments on Ted's post made a good point that struggles with sexual sin are prevalent in our culture. I appreciated the stories that demonstrated how open communication between the man and woman uncovered sin and allowed the couple to address it, before marriage—many with successful results.
Don't think of this as a "good enough" checklist; it is a tool to address sin and strategize about purity before you enter a lifelong covenant.
Our intern, Ashley Harris, is featured in the "Students Take a Stand" segment of this week's Boundless Show podcast. We've asked her to say a few words about her experience dialoging with other college students about abortion here.
Last week I volunteered at the Justice for All exhibit at Colorado State University. Justice for All is a pro-life non-profit organization that travels to college campuses throughout the nation with a 20-foot-tall display of the graphic realities of abortion.
I heard many pro-choice arguments in the two days I talked to CSU students around the towering exhibit. The angry argument I heard louder than any other was, "How can you force a woman to carry a child she doesn't want."
The presuppositions behind that question are heartbreaking and baffling. But the thing that struck me most was the belief that pregnancy is being "forced" on women. The majority of people who asked me this question went on to ask, "What about when you take all the proper precautions but still get pregnant?"
I was stunned. Do we think that just because we use contraceptives — contraceptives that are known to be less than 100 percent effective — that we should be exempt from pregnancy?
A while back an older friend of mine said that many in my generation no longer weigh the cost of their actions. I wasn't quite sure what she meant at the time, but as I talked to students at CSU understanding began to dawn. I'm concerned about living in a world where tomorrow's leaders no longer connect their choices with their consequences.
For more on the Justice For All exhibit check out this week's Boundless Show.
We received an e-mail from a young man who's let his sinful imagination get the best of him. His eight-year fantasy life with Internet porn has resulted in his acting it out for real with an "escort."
Now he's asking for help. While we are responding to this young man in a more personal way, he did ask that I share his letter on the blog in order to get your thoughts as well.
I don't think this young man is looking for "expert" advice. But I think he would benefit from the strong counsel of a mentor, of a friend. Here's his tragic story:
I've been addicted to porn since I was 13; I'm now 21. Since then, the devil has slowly crept into my heart and has taken hold of my thoughts and actions ... especially in the last nine months. I've felt so distant from God....
I always drive past a massage place. For a long time now I've been curious about it, and slowly my addiction has become worse. Satan has started to rule my life in this area. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed.
Last night I let my guard down, and decided to "just go check the massage place out." For so long I've kept myself pure, but now I've found myself sleeping with an escort. I feel so disgusted and embarrassed. I don't know how I got here, or what I've done to let Satan rule my life in this area so dramatically.
Now I can't even tell my future wife that I waited for her. I feel so much regret and I feel so ashamed by what I've done. I feel so far away from God. I have for along time. This addiction to porn, masturbating and lust has taken over me. I feel like there's a gap between me and God, and I want to be close to Him so badly. I want to overcome this problem that I have, but I just feel so weak.
Please help me -- that would be much appreciated.
I would love to see this on the blog.
There are some good signs here. This young man is feeling some conviction for his behavior, and turning to the Lord for a solution. He's not waiting until he's "caught" to say he's sorry for it. And that's a good thing, a hopeful sign.
But not all is right here.
I notice that he doesn't seem to be taking full responsibility for his -- dare I say it? -- sin. He says, "I've found myself ...," for example, rather than "I chose to...." He's also primarily blaming Satan, rather than himself, for his sinful behaviors. I also noticed that he expresses regret because of the consequences to his "future wife," but not what he's done to the Lord. Or to the young woman with whom he is "sleeping."
Finally, I noticed that though he confesses to an eight-year addiction to pornography, he feels that up until his "sleeping with an escort" he had been keeping himself "pure."
My advice would be that he stop blame-shifting and stop minimizing the significance of his sin. His sin is great. And that's bad news. Once the fullness of that sinks in, and once he owns up to the gravity of his sin, it's time to ponder the good news: The Savior is greater than all our sin.
I'd also encourage him to wrestle with the following Boundless articles, in order:
I need to add that this young man's story serves as a warning to those of you who are fostering secret sexual sins. You've seen where porn took this guy. You are not the exception: It wants to take you there as well.
Please feel free to share your heart with this young man.
In other news, Zimbabwe's inflation rate has increased from a mere 9 million percent to over 200 million percent.
Just when you thought you had economic issues (the DOW, for example, which was at 12,480 last year, dropped over 7 percent today to just under 8,600), someone comes along who's got it a bit worse.
OK, "a bit" is a bit of an exaggeration. According to the UN World Food Program, 83 percent of Zimbabweans are living on less than $2 a day and 45 per cent of the total population is malnourished.
It's fine to go to the Lord with our concerns about our own economic woes. As I wrote in July, though, let's also keep the decent people of Zimbabwe in our prayers.
This weekend I'm flying to Kansas City to lead a workshop at a national women's conference, and am really looking forward to it. My subject is the communication barriers found between generations. I'll be trying primarily to help older women understand younger women, and will attempt to convince them that younger women need to be invested in in a very real way, even though on the surface it looks like we're too caught up in our own lives to care.
The differences are there, for sure. A woman at church and I are trying to plan a joint potluck for our Sunday school communities. Her class is mostly 65+, and mine is mostly Gen X and Y singles. My first "whoa" moment was in our initial planning discussion when she announced that she "doesn't do e-mail." Ok, that's cool. My mom doesn't do e-mail, either, so I'm used to that. But then she said, "I sent you a letter with some of the details about the food." What?! A letter? I sat with a dazed look for three minutes at least. She used paper, the post office and a mail carrier to communicate logistics to me? And she used a stamp?
Amazing.
This is gonna be a cool thing, I think. I'm hoping to connect some of our older church members with those in my own generation for mentoring purposes, and perhaps gain new friends outside of our current sphere. Younger folks need to be open to these relationships, and older folks need to see us as worth their time and effort.
On this week's show, we chat about something else that sparks a difference of opinion among varying generations: different versions of the Bible. Many Christians are passionate defenders of their preferred version, including the man who told me once he uses the KJV because "that's what Jesus used." We sum up by giving an overview of the new ESV Study Bible which you can win by entering our contest at Boundless.
Students Take a Stand -- 7:47
We invite four Focus Institute students to the table this week to recap their recent experience on the campus of Colorado State University with Justice For All (JFA). Listen as these students tell what it's like to stand in front of a 22-foot-tall exhibit of grisly abortion photos and try to start a dialogue about it. Wow.
Faithful Finances -- 30:45
Financial expert and author Jeremy White joins us with some helpful tips for navigating the Land of Green, from how to begin the journey to how to stay strong. He includes four principles for wise money management, something we could all use in light of recent events, right? (No, don't check your 401K!)
Healthy Hope at 30 -- 47:24
Eryn Carman, Focus employee and Boundless friend, just turned 30. And she's still single. But before you say, "Awww," let her share in her own words what she's learned, and how she's managed to deflect the weird and often rude comments, while at the same time remaining hopeful ... and available.
Money Before Matrimony? -- 53:10
The author of this week's question has some skillz, and he's putting them to good use. He's an entrepreneur, and is making a success of it. With success comes money, but little time for spouse-hunting. Besides, shouldn't he devote time to his work now while he's on a roll? Of course then there's the problem of avoiding gold diggers once he's made it big. Ha. Steve Watters' response gives him the 411, and it's free of charge.
Well, I'll let you know how the Kansas City conference goes. I'm in the process of reviewing my anecdotes and illustrations to make sure they don't go over anyone's head. Scratch Jay-Z and Justin Timberlake, I guess.
A college professor once asked my class a thought-provoking question: "What makes music Christian?" Is it the words of the song, the heart-state of a composer, the person who sings it? If Eminem sings "Amazing Grace," is it a Christian song? If Michael W. Smith sings "Jingle Bells" (and he has) is that a Christian song?
Well, I think you can make a case that the songs themselves are amoral. Sure some lyrics are more God-glorifying than others, just as some artists are more in tune with God than others. But what is the relationship between Christ and music about Christ?
Here's what has me thinking about this topic. I'm going to step on some toes here, but one of the most popular TV shows today, Grey's Anatomy, is highly immoral.
When the show first hit the air, Plugged In had this to say:
The hip dramedy joins a prime-time practice already including House, Scrubs, ER, Medical Investigation and Nip/Tuck. It samples from each of these series. The result is a character-based show sprinkled with a few laughs, lots of blood and extremely gray morals.
And so I find it a little surprising that the show regularly—and sometimes prominently—features CCM tunes. Artists featured on the show have included Lifehouse, Mat Kearney, Derek Webb, Patty Griffin, Caedmon's Call and Kendall Payne. Caedmon's Call received an especially dominant play earlier this year.
Caedmon's Call's lyrically compelling song about redemption, "Ten Thousand Angels" will receive a rare and lengthy place on an upcoming episode of the ABC hit drama series Grey's Anatomy on January 10th. Featuring vocals by Derek Webb, the song will play for five consecutive minutes during an emotionally charged final scene.
"It's an honor to be asked to help carry some of the emotional weight of a powerhouse show like Grey's," says Webb. "I think the spiritual significance of a song like "Ten Thousand Angels" will have some really special chemistry with what is bound to be an important episode in the season."
On another recent episode, these powerful Kendall Payne lyrics were heard:
Though the wind and waves
Beat against your faith
You were on my mind
When the world was made
Trust in me my child,
Trust in me my child.
I find the inclusion of these songs perplexing. Through the music, Grey's is asking people to look past the day-to-day to something deeper and more profound. However, the actions and lifestyles of its characters affirm the opposite. With rampant promiscuity, adultery and homosexuality, their lives reflect the sad truth of Ephesians 4:19: "Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more."
The show promotes a wholly worldly perspective (1 John 2:16) while teasing the eternal to add weight to its themes. I am reminded of Paul's words in Philippians 1:18: "But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached." I suppose you could say that in some muted way Christ is being preached, but it's a shame that the show itself so obscures the way to the God it's touting.
I pray that the Christ-centered words of these songs would reach the millions of Grey's viewers despite the show's ungodly messages. If nothing else, the incorporation of these songs shows that those who live by their own rules still crave something otherworldly—still long for redemption. And perhaps the truth breaking through is what makes a song Christian.
 We recently received a letter from a soldier serving in Iraq who will be coming home to the States soon. He asked Boundless for advice on how a Christian soldier's faith should be involved in how he returns back to civilian life after being at war.
In a way it's a hard question to answer. Everyone's experience is different. But I can give a more general response that I hope will be useful to this soldier and to all the other men and women serving in our military, most especially those who have served in Iraq and Afghanistan, and to their friends and loved ones.
Be prepared for a rush of emotions: joy at returning home, perhaps grief from seeing comrades killed or injured, the jumbled-up mixture of revulsion, dismay, loathing—who knows what?—from having witnessed some horrible things. For those of you who really saw some tough fighting, be prepared for survivor's guilt. Why did you live and others die? Stop asking "what if?" questions. Don't torture yourself this way, since the questions are unanswerable.
Oh, and be prepared for the good emotions to fade pretty quickly but the not-so-good ones to hang around. More on that in a bit.
Most important, you will probably find it hard to talk about these things—at least to anyone who was not there. There's the "where do I even begin?" feeling when the subject is broached. It's easier to stay silent. A recent article in The New York Times does a good job of showing how vets will open up with each other about things that they won't with others. Shifting from "hunter-killer mode" to husband-student mode is so sudden, it's insane. One day you're in Baghdad, the next you're in Atlanta, passing rows of cheering civilians at Hartsfield airport. Then you get on with your life. The price is steep, in sleepless nights, troubled consciences and buried anger. People have no idea, the veterans said.
Wives, friends and other loved ones, don't take this personally. It's not that the returning soldier doesn't love you or appreciate your friendship; it's just that ... well, where do I even begin? Sometimes when you least expect, the stories and memories will come flooding out. Don't try to stop them. Just listen. Some of it might be pretty rough. Don't react negatively, and by all means don't judge.
Be aware, too, that this may never happen. Some vets go a lifetime without ever opening up.
Back to the emotions. It is no sign of weakness to say you're hurting. Back when I was in Marine boot camp, they'd announce morning sick call by saying, "Give me all the sick, lame and lazy, blind, crippled and crazy." That instantly sent the message that to admit to being hurt was frowned upon. Unless you were visibly missing a limb or gasping through a sucking chest wound, Marines didn't admit to being hurt. It was macho to play through the pain. One young Marine I know who fought in Fallujah told of how he and his comrades would not seek medical help for the tiny bits of micro-shrapnel that peppered their skin from a grenade explosion. ("Dots," they called the little black flecks of metal just below the skin.) "They'll just work their way out in time," was the way he put it.
Perhaps so for "dots," but not so for mental pain. Don't hide it. Don't try to play through it. And for heaven's sake don't try to self-medicate with booze, drugs, carousing or wild spending sprees. Untreated, it will fester. It will twist and morph into unimaginable shapes. Even if you never develop full-blown PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), you might exist in a fog of low-grade depression, a cocoon of dark gray that colors your every interaction. Even today, many years later, I sometimes find myself in a very dark mood that comes unbidden. I try to contain it, but some inevitably leaks out, touching everyone around me.
Untreated, this pain leads in very ugly directions. Compound it with other setbacks—say, a girlfriend's dumping you or the inevitable grind and disappointments of life—and the results can be very bad. The U.S. military is suffering a near-epidemic of suicides from soldiers who do not recognize what they are suffering or consider it a sign of weakness to seek help. In the past the military could have done a better job of helping, too, but that’s another story. To its credit, it has recognized the problem and is working hard to counter it.
It is not weak or unnatural to hurt mentally and emotionally. Jesus, the ultimate man, wept when he learned that his friend Lazarus had died. Think about this: the Lord of the universe, the man with the power of life in his hands, cried at the death of a friend. It is not a denial of your faith to grieve. The psalms are full of weeping and sorrow.
And it doesn't necessarily have to be grief. It can just be that mixed-up jumble of who knows what that's dragging you down. It's a bunch of macho nonsense to deny yourself the help that others are willing to offer. Beyond the help a chaplain or medical officer can offer, you have a strong tower to run to, a rock to rely on. Know that your ultimate refuge is waiting to hear from you, for you to unburden yourself to Him.
Lean on Him. He knows what you're feeling. He understands. You have the Ultimate Friend at your side.
I have way more to say but not the room to say it here. If I might humbly suggest, my book On the Frontline goes into more detail on living the life Christ intends for you as your serve our nation in uniform.
Finally, welcome home ... and thanks for your service!
The evolutionist is locked into an intellectual box from which there is no rescue. Evolutionary theory is naturalistic by necessity — everything must be explained in purely naturalistic terms. Only nature can explain nature, and there is no other source of meaning or truth. Thus, in the end the theory of evolution — and the theory of evolution alone — must explain everything about humanity.
So says Dr. Al Mohler in his blog post: "The End of Evolution?" Is it possible we're moving into a post-evolution scientific era? Geneticist Steve Jones at University College London seems to think so. At least where it involves human evolution. Mohler references a recent lecture by Jones: Speaking on his chosen topic, "Evolution is Over," Jones argued that human evolution has reached an end because of changes in human health and human behavior.
Jones argues that human evolution is at a standstill because one of the crucial engines of evolutionary change, genetic mutation, is stalled. Jones explained that evolution moves forward by natural selection, mutation, and random change. Mutation is stalled, at least in part, because fewer older men are having babies.
Basically, reproduction and human behavior are failing to follow evolutionary patterns. (I've always wondered why humans haven't evolved into something better by now.) Mohler suggests that Jones's observations point to a larger lesson about the "inherent limitations of the evolutionary worldview." He writes: Evolutionary theory cannot possibly explain the totality of human experience, much less the reality of human origins. Evolutionists — if consistent — believe that every human experience, every emotion, every physical attribute, every hope, and every fear is simply a feature developed by means of natural selection.
That's a cold theory, and it just doesn't make sense to the vast majority of Americans — and it shouldn't. The Christian worldview offers a far more satisfying, true, and understandable account of human origins and human existence.
Ultimately science does not operate free of human experience. Eventually the two intersect. And sometimes the result is a step in the right direction.
Another comment came in this week asking why, oh why, do we talk marriage all the time? Here's a direct quote: ... why are you always so worried about people getting married. That is all you ever seem to talk about in your articles. If you are married and happy great. But you seem to get so bent out of shape if other Christians are content in there singleness at this point. ... you act like marriage is a key to salvation. Why don't you spend more of your energy sharing the good news of the Gospel to a lost and dying world than worrying about singles not getting married. ... Besides, marriage isn't even going to exist in Heaven according to scripture. We will be like the angels who do not marry. So what's more important for the church: winning lost souls from eternal torment or getting as many people married as possible.
Given that we do in fact stress the importance of marriage, it's a fair question, if not entirely accurate.
For starters, we believe marriage is God's design for most believers. As beings made in His image, we crave intimate relationship. Marriage, and the families that result, are His plan for most believers to legitimately meet those needs. We're told to honor it. As I've written in Get Married: Unless your calling would be inhibited by marriage and family, and you're especially gifted to surrender marriage and all its benefits for lifelong celibacy, marriage is still normative and the appropriate channel for your God-given desires for companionship, sexual intimacy and the partnership essential for completing your life's work while bringing God glory.
Still, it's common to hear from readers who say we should be moving away from marriage since that's the way we'll be in heaven anyway -- single. But will we? I wrote: In Matthew 22:30, Jesus says, "At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven." Does this suggest God is shifting gears from His original plan for marriage toward singleness? Why won't human marriage exist in heaven?
We will all be "single" in heaven so that we can become the bride of Christ, so that we can experience the perfect marriage. Marriage is the norm, both now and in the age to come. It's only the nature of the bridegroom that will change. In heaven, we'll turn our attention to Christ, the Bridegroom all human husbands foretell. Every marriage since Adam and Eve's has pointed to the ultimate wedding between Christ and His church (that's why it matters how we go about being husbands and wives.) Heaven won't mark the end of marriage, but its culmination.
Sadly, we live in a post-marriage culture where critics of marriage -- both secular and spiritual -- abound. Marriage as God made it is under fire from all sides. That's why we spend so much time defending it.
Consider just one trend -- women who have given up on the notion of finding a good man and are perfectly happy to conceive and have a baby on their own. No longer is marriage seen as the precursor to starting a family, Katya, for one, wouldn’t have it any other way: “I’m looking forward to bringing up my baby alone. Much better that than in a second-rate relationship,” she says. “And anyway, I’ve never relied on anyone else for anything in my life, so why should I start now?” As she marches down the street by herself, on her way to her next scan, the inevitable question hanging over her isn’t how long she should have gone on waiting for Mr Right, but whether she ever really wanted him in the first place.
Not only is marriage under fire from people who don't profess a belief in the Bible, even some Christians say we should focus more on contentment with singleness. The problem with that sentiment is not the idea of being content, but the implication that any activity toward marriage is somehow at odds with it. In our day and age, we need to be intentional if we're going to marry well. If we fail to focus on this issue, many will find themselves single way beyond what they ever planned--and not experiencing the blessings and spiritual formation that God designed marriage to provide alongside their personal spiritual growth and evangelism.
Is it ever OK for the husband/father to stay at home with the kids while the wife/mother provides for the family? Mars Hill Pastor Mark Driscoll says that unless there are extreme circumstances that would prevent a man from providing for his family, being a stay-at-home-dad could be a matter of church discipline.
In an interview segment of a sermon series he's doing on Song of Songs, both Mark and his wife, Grace, condemn the idea of stay-at-home dads directly and without hesitation by pointing to 1 Timothy 5:8, "But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."
I admire Mark and Grace for boldly proclaiming what they believe Scripture says about the different roles God has given men and women in family. Check out the video in it's entirety for the full context and tell us what you think.
What happens when David Zucker, the creator of the Airplane, Naked Gun, and Scary Movie franchises wants to make a conservative movie? You get a few interesting points punctuated with face slaps and a high school level obsession with women's bodies.
The premise of An American Carol is a creative spin on the Charles Dickens classic. A Michael Moore type character rethinks his anti-American attitudes when he's visited by three ghosts stressing different American values. And the casting is an opportunity for various Hollywood conservatives -- including Kelsey Grammer, Jon Voight, Dennis Hopper and Kevin Farley (brother of the late comedian Chris Farley) -- to hold up values other celebrities look down on.
It's quite bold of Zucker -- and the various stars and producers he rallied behind this project -- to take on issues such as patriotism, the need for national defense, the real threat of Islamic extremism, ACLU lawyers and more. His representation of university professors as stuck in 1968 is quite biting. Jon Voight's comments as George Washington and a scene towards the end incorporating soldiers from various wars offer some poignant commentary on receding American values.
But does it have to be so crude?
Just as Zucker is about to pull on a heartstring, he goes back to the gags he built his career on. Watching this pattern throughout the movie -- with one crude gag after the other -- made Candice and I wonder if Zucker felt the need to show that he could embrace some conservative values without forgetting how to pull off potty humor.
A running joke of the movie is that the Michael Moore character can't be taken seriously because he only makes documentaries instead of feature films. As much as we found it innovative for Zucker to try to communicate his emerging conservative values through comedy, we couldn't help but wonder if enough moviegoers will take him seriously enough to justify all the groaner gags he sends up along the way.
If someone asked, could you effectively explain the differences between Mormonism and Christianity? I'm not certain I could. Sure, I know something about how Mormons do not believe in the Trinity or that Jesus is God in the same way Christians do. And I could probably score some points discrediting Mormon Church founder Joseph Smith about historically unsubstantiated golden tablets and The Lost Book of Arbraham hoax.
All pretty crazy stuff if you ask me. And I said as much to a Mormon Missionary once. To which he replied, "People said Jesus was crazy too." Touche, I thought.
That's why I really appreciated this article from First Things titled "Is Mormonism Christian?" In it, Gerald R. McDermott, Jordan-Trexler Professor of Religion at Roanoke College and author, makes a clear case that Mormonism isn't Christian mainly because "the Jesus proclaimed by Joseph Smith and his followers is different in significant ways from the Jesus of the New Testament."
According to Mormon doctrine:
- Jesus is a God distinct from God the Father
- Jesus was once merely a man and not God
- Jesus is of the same species as human beings
- Jesus's being and acts are limited by coeternal matter and laws
By focusing just on Jesus, McDermott concludes that "Mormon beliefs diverge widely from historic Christian orthodoxy." Nevermind all that other crazy stuff.
I really want to win a copy of the new ESV Study Bible. Unfortunately, our attorneys tell me I'm not eligible to compete in the Boundless "Tell us why you want the new ESV Study Bible" contest.
Hm.
There's a good chance you're eligible, though. If I were you, I'd click right here and enter the contest. We're giving away 10 of them over the next 10 weekdays, and the only way that you can get one of them is by entering this contest.
Thanks to Crossway Books, publisher of the ESV Study Bible, for their generosity in providing these books!
It's Friday afternoon, and pretty quiet around the office. Not that I'm bored, because I'm not. It's a busy media season here at Focus, and we're sending out news releases and interview pitches left and right. But much of my team is gone today, so one of my remaining teammates and I have resorted to singing all of our comments to one another. Yes, really. It's our way of coping with the fact that we ate too much at lunch, didn't exercise, and are dissatisfied with what we're wearing today. I for one, look like I just stepped off a small working farm. Denim skirt, brown sweater, sensible shoes. My sunglasses have been on the top of my head since lunch. Ugh. Time to wrap this whole week up and move on.
We're having some beautiful Fall weather here, and we talk about that at the table this week. Steve gets positively giggly about Fall. Motte hates on Colorado big-time by pining for the East Coast. Ted reminisces about impaling himself on a rake buried beneath a leaf pile. And Candice is all about busting out a baby before Christmas. She could care less about anything else related to this season. I as the dutiful single try to talk about singles retreats, bonfires, hayrides and other singleton staples, but my anecdotes fall on deaf ears. These married people make it all about them. Hm. So let's start the conversation here: what's your favorite part about Autumn?
EINSTFJP -- 5:43
I love the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator! I love taking it, talking about it, finding out others' profiles, and then judging them accordingly. Each member of our team took the test, and we discuss our findings (which are debated) along with the pros and cons of assessing personality in relating to other people. Do personality differences matter? Is too much made of them? What about in dating relationships? Heads-up: If you don't know your MBTI profile, go to the Boundless page on Facebook and take the test, then let us know what you think!
Lies and the Ladies -- 27:49
Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Dannah Gresh are in the studio this week to talk about Lies Young Women Believe, their new book with Moody Publishers. Women are notorious for negative self-talk. Why is this? How do we counter lies with truth? And guys, you're not immune. You believe lies, too, even though you may not write books about them. Listen to this interview with two women who've been there, done that, and learn how to claim Christ's truth in all areas, even when the Enemy's whispers are loud and persistent.
Rules of Engagement -- 50:09
First comes love, then comes marriage. Oops, we forgot engagement. It's that tricky little stage where you make some important strides and decisions. Join Candice, Steve, and me in addressing a listener's question on involving pastors, mentors, family and other influencers before saying "I do." And all of this in-between cake tastings and dress fittings.
Speaking of dress fittings, I had one yesterday for a friend's wedding. I'll be a bridesmaid. It went well, though a couple alterations must be made. For an additional fee, of course. Will anyone even care what I look like? Good grief, let's just get these kids hitched, people! Nah, it'll be fun. I'll plan to run outside and jump in a pile of leaves after the reception. It is Fall, after all.
I have a confession to make. Sometimes when I pass a fire alarm box, I feel a temptation to pull it.
It's not that I want my coworkers to flee the comfort of their cubicles, terrified that their week's labor will go up in smoke. It's nothing malicious like that. It could be more of an attraction I have to excitement, to engaging in unexplored behavior that begins with an innocuous click and results in an invigorating buzz.
I sometimes envision my fingers curling comfortably around the trigger, sensing a slight resistance as I begin pulling it, feeling the thrill of anticipation as nothing immediately happens. And then at some point, there's a snap and a piercing alarm and the hair on my neck stands up in fear and excitement.
It's a desire that concerns me. Kinda. I never have pulled a fire alarm and, barring a legitimate cause for pulling one, have no plans to do so. But that temptation is there, to just pull it and see what happens.
Such inquisitiveness has gotten me into trouble, of course. Like the first couple's desire to know, to engage, to explore something clearly off limits, I've found myself saying yes when I know the Lord is saying no. And after the thrill has subsided, just like them, I have to face the consequences. Adam and Eve were ejected into a darker, harder world; and my heart grows a bit darker, a bit harder, a bit less concerned about honoring the Creator.
May the Lord grant me strength to resist even seemingly trivial temptations. And may He forgive me when I fail.
I was flipping channels Tuesday night and caught Bill Maher, former host of the TV show Politically Incorrect, doing a little monologue mocking Christianity on The Daily Show. I'm not a big Daily Show gal, but decided to watch the two-part interview. Evidently, Maher was on that night to plug his new movie, Religulous.
Religulous? "Yes," Maher told John Stewart, Daily's host, "it's like you're saying religion and then you go to ridiculous. It's a word we made up, much like religion itself."
Yeah, that's nice. Despite the movie's title, Maher wanted the audience to be clear that he's no atheist: "I don't say there's no God. I'm not an atheist 'cause I find atheism to be a mirror of the certainty of religion and I don't like certainty about the next world, because we can't know. What I say is 'I don't know.'"
Well, that sounds at least a little open-minded. Maher continued: "I'm only asking questions ... [the movie is] not judgmental, it's not pointing fingers ... it's not out to make people feel bad."
But despite Maher's claim that he dislikes the "certainty" of both religion and atheism, he himself seems to be quite certain about a couple of things: that religious belief is harmful and that it's plain unenlightened.
During the interview, Stewart asked if faith can't just be a comfort and an aid to some -- you know, like drugs. Maher replied: "It's comfort and aid that comes at a great price. Like almost every war in history and suicide bombers and oppression of women and minorities and having sex with children."
And, later: "When these books were written, like the Bible, it was at a time when man didn't understand where the sun went at night ... or like what made their women pregnant or what a germ or an atom was, so it was forgivable to make up myths and stories, but now it's 2008, okay? And it's not that forgivable."
Not looking so open-minded anymore. That day on The View, Maher repeated his "I'm just asking questions" mantra, then went on to proclaim: "[America is] a religious country. Unlike every other civilized western democracy in the world, this country is still extremely religious -- because we're young and dumb."
"There are intelligent people who are religious, they've just walled off their mind."
But while Maher found Stewart to be a very receptive audience (Stewart couldn't stop giggling through Maher's monologue and fell over himself telling Maher why he liked his movie), the ladies of The View weren't quite so adoring, especially after this exchange with co-host, Sherri Shepherd: Sherri: "Have you ever just talked to God and asked God what does He think?"
Maher: "The question is did He answer you?"
Sherri: "He answered me. He absolutely answered me."
Maher: "Then we should call Bellevue. That's just a voice in your head."
Maher seemed mildly shocked when View co-host Elizabeth Hasselback told him she did believe that faith should be questioned. "Why go blindly into something?" Hasselback asked. "Wow," Maher replied. "But I do think faith is important," she replied.
Although we shouldn't be shocked that Maher thinks our faith is foolishness, I thought it was telling that he seemed to want to paint all believers with one "simpleton" brush as though none of us have ever given serious, critical thought to the Virgin Birth, the Resurrection, the Trinity or any of the events in the Bible. So, Bill, you say that Noah couldn't possibly have gotten two of every insect onto the Ark? Wow, thanks! You, wise. Me, fool.
If Maher was really interested in "just asking questions," he certainly has a large pool of theologians, apologists and great Christian thinkers from which to choose. The fact that he carefully avoided those and went for the easy meat -- like those who couldn't explain the anti-Christ -- tells me that he's not really looking for any answers he doesn't already think he has.
But, I did take something away from the interviews. At one point in the John Stewart interview, Maher stated that " ... what we found out is that religious people know so little about religion." That challenged me, because I think he may have a point. I doubt that Bill Maher would ever come to ask me his questions. But if he did, would I be ready with an answer? Am I ready to give anyone who asks the reason for the hope I have, with gentleness and respect? Are you?
Following the re-publishing of my article "Not Your Buddy," one reader asked me to address the topic of buddies after a break-up. She writes: The guy wants to continue having the benefits of the familiarity and the encouragement and cheerleading that the girl provided him with during the relationship, but also wants to "be free" and "move on." Is he crazy?
When you have been in love with someone, I find it EXTREMELY hard to be "friends," even being cordial is hard at times. Especially when this guy has told you that you are the one and then flips it.
I don't believe it's appropriate for men and women to be buddies after breaking up. I have remained friends with men I've had relationships with, but the familiarity had to end.
This quote from J.R.R. Tolkien (provided by another Boundless reader) emphasizes the reason the broken up cannot be buddies: How quickly an intelligent woman can be taught, grasp his ideas, see his point — and how (with rare exceptions) they can go no further, when they leave his hand, or when they cease to take a personal interest in him. But this is their natural avenue to love. Before the young woman knows where she is (and while the young man, when he exists, is still sighing) she may actually 'fall in love'. Which for her, an unspoiled natural young woman, means that she wants to become the mother of the young man's children, even if that desire is by no means clear to her or explicit. And then things are going to happen: and they may be very painful and harmful, if things go wrong. Particularly if the young man only wanted a temporary guiding star and divinity (until he hitches his wagon to a brighter one), and was merely enjoying the flattery of sympathy nicely seasoned with the titillation of sex — all quite innocent, of course, and worlds away from 'seduction'.
....Don't be misled by the fact [women] are more 'sentimental' in words — freer with 'darling', and all that. They don't want a guiding star. They may idealize a plain young man into a hero; but they don't really need any such glamour either to fall in love or to remain in it.
—From a letter to his son, Michael Tolkien 6-8 March 1941, The Letters of J.R.R. Tolkien
Clearly men and women view close companionship differently. In my experience, if — after a man has told me that he is not interested in pursuing me — he continues to seek out personal time with me, I assign his actions more weight than his words. This is the danger of remaining buddies with someone after an explicit verbal severing of the romantic relationship has taken place.
Speaking in the terms of Tolkien's quote, I believe it is best for the woman to remove herself from the position of "guiding star" unless, or until, the man is prepared to make her the star in his life. Likewise, the man should resist the temptation to make a woman his "divinity" unless he's prepared to pursue her with integrity.
This approach may seem foreign in a culture that uses "let's stay friends," as a salve for the pain of breaking up. Sometimes the friendship shouldn't be salvaged. Sometimes a woman must say, "I'm worthy of being someone's bright star," and a man must say, "I'm going to resist the urge to hitch myself to a star that is not mine."
Cordiality after a break-up is one thing; continued intimacy is another. The latter should not exist.
IMHO, one of the best products to ever come out of Focus on the Family is The Truth Project. It's compelling, theologically sound and highly relevant. It's also not entirely easy to plug into. You can't go download it for free. You can't even go buy it off the shelf. But that's by design. The Truth Project was created to be experienced in small groups and led by other people who have gone through the material and are motivated to guide others through what they experienced.
To spread the opportunities for people to participate, The Truth Project team has conducted trainings for thousands of people throughout North America and even in several international settings. People who attend the trainings get copies of the DVD curriculum and are ready to lead a small group.
People who want to plug in without doing the training, just need to find small groups that are offering it. To that end, the Truth Project team recently added a search tool for people who would like to find a Truth Project small group in their area.
Even after attending a great Christian college and graduate school, I still gained a lot of insight and motivation from The Truth Project. If you haven't had a chance to check it out, please consider attending a training or searching for a small group in your area.
I received an email today from a Boundless reader in response to Mind the 'Single-Minded' Church. She wrote, I loved your article on "Mind the 'Single-Minded' Church." Could we have a posting on The Line about this article so we could open it up for comment? I would really like to ask the Boundless readers the following:
What practical steps are their churches taking to help their singles move toward marriage?
How can churches encourage marriage in a way that does not alienate single men?
Do readers have examples of things from their churches that have "worked" in producing new marriages?
I am in a very pro-marriage church, but the focus is solely on strengthening marriages that already exist. There is almost no focus on creating marriages or in providing help for singles to marry well. My singles pastor even told me recently, "I can only talk about marriage a few times a year, otherwise, people get turned off." Needless to say, I have stopped attending the singles group.
My sense is that even if pastors are concerned that singles are delaying marriage, they don't know what to do about it, and I think that's the next area to focus on. ... It would be great to get other's ideas about what is working out there to help singles marry.
Thanks for all you do.
So what are your thoughts? Do you have a pastor who's helping singles marry well?
If you've spent much time reading Christian blogs over the past few months, you're likely aware of the forthcoming release of the ESV Study Bible. It's been discussed here, here, here, here, here, here and here. Among other places.
From all reports, it's a remarkable new resource for pastors and "regular" Christians like me alike.
Albert Mohler calls it a "treasure." John Piper calls it "breathtaking," "a dream come true for me." Mark Driscoll considers it "the most important resource that has been given to the emerging generation of Bible students and teachers." Christian author Jerry Bridges sums up what many are coming to find about this book: "The ESV Study Bible is the finest study tool I have seen in fifty years of Bible teaching. The notes, articles, maps, and illustrations are all of the highest quality. It is a great achievement!"
Buzz about the ESV Study Bible has reached a crescendo. In development for years, this acclaimed 2,752-page tome is finally hitting the stands on Oct. 15.
I'm really excited to announce here for the first time that we'll be having a contest, beginning next week, to give away 10 copies of this book. We're working with our friends over at Crossway Books to celebrate this groundbreaking study Bible by giving away one of them every weekday from Oct. 6 through Oct. 17.
During those two weeks, we'll also be publishing a behind-the-scenes article by ESV Study Bible Project Director and Managing Editor, Justin Taylor, and a few excerpts from the ESV Study Bible.
Check back next Monday for a link to the contest page and rules. Make sure to tell all your friends!
I realized this morning that we have yet to talk on the Line about the biggest story of the past week: the supposed economic crisis. Is it a crisis? I'm not sure yet. What I do know is that everywhere I look, the story is being told and re-told as if it's the end of the world. What we may lack in fiscal soundness, we're making up in fear. It's being poured out recklessly. The problem is that decisions made in haste, especially driven by fear, are rarely the right ones.
While praying this morning, Philippians 4 came to mind. It comes to mind a lot these days: Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you (4:4-8).
Thankfully, we have this solution to the fear. And despite what you may have heard on network newscasts, there are alternatives to the defeated bill; alternatives that won't entrust the same people who caused the problems with even more cash and the potential for ongoing and greater folly.
Copyright 2009 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. The Line and Boundless Line are trademarks of Focus on the Family.
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