"Wall Art"
by Denise Morris on 08/28/2008 at 4:25 PM
Despite Suzanne's evidence to the contrary, the children in my neighborhood are constantly outside and always riding their bikes in the streets and my driveway. I'm praying that I make it through the summer without hitting any of them.
Speaking of children, I don't have any. This, I noticed last night, does not stop me from yelling at my TV during "Supernanny." There are a lot of wild children who refuse to go to bed unless their moms sleep with them. So the moms do. There are also kids who think it is a good idea to hit their dads. So the dads let them. Some children like to decorate the walls of their house with crayons and markers. The moms don't like this but, hey, what can they do about it? This is why I had to yell at my TV.
It's amazing when the nanny comes in and makes these kids behave. Even though her disciplinary techniques are quite simple and tame, they work as long as the parents are consistent. These kids want some order and control even though they don't realize it. It is a win/win -- the parents get more sleep and fewer ulcers once their children start to behave.
Watching "Supernanny" last night reminded me of why Dr. Dobson felt the need to start Focus on the Family in the first place. He saw that American families were falling apart, and he had a good handle on what children needed. He encouraged parents to Dare to Discipline and he helped them deal with their Strong-Willed Child. These techniques are simple and effective, and I know that they've helped families for many years. I'm sure they will be useful to me when my future children start writing on the walls of my house.
1. Tigger said the following at 4:58 PM on Aug 28:
"SuperNanny" can be quite interesting. I first watched it in England 4 years ago, along with "Big Brother" and other shows that showed some real...insight...into English culture, slang, and attitudes. Despite those viewing choices, however, I still love England and the English. :)
Although I too make snarky remarks to my TV when watching, it's easy to be a little smug that we know we would never do that, allow that, or be that, and that we turned out ok. But I've seen it happen in real life, too - my stepbrother at the age of 7 had far too much freedom and no consistency from the adults, and then in swooped his 30 yr old step-half-sister. (I have a complicated family.) In about three hours he was docile as a puppy because she laid down the law, applied it fairly and consistently, and treated him as responsible for his actions. He adored her and cried when she had to leave.
Denise is very right. Basic common sense has worked for thousands of years and will probably always be the best solution to this problem.
2. J.T. said the following at 5:17 PM on Aug 28:
Weird off-beat question: How come all the nannies on the "nanny shows" are British?
3. DannieA said the following at 5:44 PM on Aug 28:
LOL.....that's funny, I see it at work too, although I usually have to tell parents that just because their kids are language disordered or special ed. doesn't mean that they don't need discipline.
And I see kids playing too...and the school psych has refused to buy her kids xbox and such and tells them to go outside and play....of course she lives in Norco which is horsetown "little Texas" in so. cal.
4. Leah said the following at 7:03 PM on Aug 28:
I have a love/hate relationship with the show SuperNanny.
The woman herself is so much more determined and consistent than the parents which is why I love the show.
However, because she's not actually a parent, she can't smack the kids, which is often what they need, which is why I get frustrated with the show.
So often when I'm out, especially at shops, I hear parents pleading with their kids to behave and end up bargaining with them. NO! Kids need to learn to OBEY, not just when it suits them! If they don't do as they're told, I reckon you give them one warning- "if you don't do this when I say, I will smack you"- then, if they still disobey, give 'em a smack round the backside. Soon enough they'll learn that you're serious when you say "I'll smack you" and they'll begin doing as they're told. Who cares if it's out of fear? At age 3 or 4, that's all that gets through to them. They don't care if you say "Mummy's very angry with you" because it's of no consequence to them- unless they get a smack.
One day a disobedient child will ignore their mother and fall off a cliff, pour boiling water on themselves, get hit by a car, get an electric shock... etc etc etc.
Apparently Dr Dobson is of the opinion smacking should start at 1 year of age. I was mildly shocked to hear my mother say she smacked us younger than that, but when she explained I understood- it was as a deterrent rather than a punishment, and she did it only gently. For example, if she was trying to change the nappy of an 8-month-old who kept squirming and wriggling, she'd give a quick sharp hit on the arm to stop the child wriggling- otherwise he/she would be bound for an accidental stab in the stomach from the safety pin! Apparently we learnt soon enough not to wriggle when having our nappy changed. And we were certainly never injured or psychologically damaged from it :P
5. Justice said the following at 8:25 PM on Aug 28:
In some South American cultures, it is normal for children to sleep in the same room. It has been observed that these children learn to behave better than western children because they learn from being so close to the parents. After a couple years, the children share a room with another child, and these children learn better. Those parents were so dumb!
6. Jo said the following at 1:17 AM on Aug 29:
Hey, is this an American version of Suipernanny or our English original? I agree with you Denise, every time I've seen it I've yelled at the TV. Consistency is the biggest single thing that makes a difference to these kids. You tell them you're going to punish them if they do it again, then you follow through. It's so simple, but I guess not always easy to put into practise. I've worked with kids a lot and I've got pretty good at this, but I'm sure it's more difficult when it's your own children. Still, if you have "I'm raising my kids to be godly and honourable and righteous" as your main goal rather than "I want my kids to be happy", that ought to make it easier...
Tigger, I'm pleased to say that out of 9 series of Big Brother, I've managed to avoid watching 8 1/2 of them. (This despite the fact that it and related shows are on TV about 15 times a week.) I did get into it in series 8, to my shame. But this time I haven't watched even one episode. I'm so proud!
7. 'Guerite ~ BoldLion said the following at 5:49 AM on Aug 29:
Thank you for sharing this article with us who doesn't watch TV. This will tell me what kind of program this is when someone "non-Christian" talked about it.
In Christ Alone,
'Guerite ~ BoldLion
8. Rachael said the following at 11:26 AM on Aug 29:
Just talking about kids recently...I realize that even if a child is raised 'well', the child's sinful nature could overrule and turn out to be a humongous heartbreak, but, at the same time, I want to be a very good parent.
My mom was telling about a couple parents' behaviors -- basically catering to their children with material things (One thing was meant to be a reward, but the child wasn't able to or didn't make the criteria, but still got the reward. Another situation she saw was at a grocery store - a kid wanted something when in line at a grocery store. The mom may not have just said plain 'no' but also a reason, and then someone else in line bought the item for them and the mom seemed grateful and accepted that offer.)
I know people will always have various advice about what to do and not to do with regard to parenting, marriage, etc. Some advice will be good, some advice might be subjective (depending on the person, situation ,etc.)
However, I wonder if some people just don't have the basics down. I suppose I'll be one of those people about lots of parenting related things. But I do NOT want to be the parent who always gives the kid what they want and when they want it. I do not want to have kids that demand material items.
I don't think we did when we were kids. And today or recently my mom was even telling me about snacks issues -- basically that we got 3 meals a day and that's it. I think she didn't want to deal with snacks. She told me her thought about kids saying "I'm hungry" to eat food that they want; she seems to think they don't know their own sense of hunger. Heck, I don't even know my own sense of hunger.
Anyway, I'm rambling, but, I hope I can be slightly strict in some regards. At the same time, my mom talked about surprising children, and I like that idea of small spontaneous surprises.
We'll see what happens, but I suppose if you train kids from the get-go and are consistent and put in the hard work, it is more likely that they'd be better behaved later in their childhood years. Not necessarily all the time, and I think good parents can end up with heartbreaking children, but, anyway, we should do our best if we are blessed with children...
9. Jo said the following at 11:56 AM on Aug 29:
Leah - "However, because she's not actually a parent, she can't smack the kids, which is often what they need, which is why I get frustrated with the show."
Haha, smacking is really taboo over here anyway. No way they'd show it on TV. It's not illegal, but if you work in childcare and you witness a parent smack their child, you're required to inform social services (the organisation that deals with kids at risk etc). I'm serious, it's the most ridiculous thing on earth. I suspect by the time I have kids it will be illegal, and we'll have even more rampant tearaways than we do now.
10. natasha said the following at 12:37 PM on Aug 29:
I work in Childwatch, and I have seen so many parents let their kids walk all over them. And they punishment, and then don't carry it out,, so the kids know they can basically do whatever they want, because their parents won't enforce the rules. I once saw a boy throw a full fledge temper tantrum. He was literally laying on the parking lot pounding and kicking, and screaming, and all his mom did was say "Now____" It's really sad.
11. BDB said the following at 4:16 PM on Aug 29:
Hmmm...classroom management comes to mind. Try controlling 17 kids alone!
On Sunday I thought my group of 3rd graders was behaving resonably appropriately. Then I watched one of the other teachers crawl up eye-to-eye with one of him and stare at him stone faced for a few seconds until he got quiet. It seems he was doing something I didn't see.
Yep. She's a teacher! Her 2nd grade boys class was under control...
12. Phoebe said the following at 5:25 PM on Aug 29:
I agree, consistency is probably the key to discipline problems. However, I do not think that letting young children sleep with their parents is a problem, as long as this is a regular practice and not a bone of contention. My little brothers have slept with my parents until age 5, when they voluntarily choose to move to another bed. I think it gives babies a real sense of security. Plus, then the mother does not have to get up at all hours of the night to nurse or comfort her baby. She just turns a bit and hardly has to awaken at all. So, don't discredit the so-called "family bed" as a barbaric practice... It's been around for millenia and makes a lot of sense. :)
13. Leah said the following at 6:20 PM on Aug 31:
Jo said Leah - "However, because she's not actually a parent, she can't smack the kids, which is often what they need, which is why I get frustrated with the show."
Haha, smacking is really taboo over here anyway. No way they'd show it on TV. It's not illegal, but if you work in childcare and you witness a parent smack their child, you're required to inform social services (the organisation that deals with kids at risk etc). I'm serious, it's the most ridiculous thing on earth. I suspect by the time I have kids it will be illegal, and we'll have even more rampant tearaways than we do now.
O.O
In New Zealand it's illegal to smack your kids. I don't know how you can successfully raise an obedient, well-behaved child in those circumstances.
The issue of smacking has done the rounds in Australian politics, but so far no-one's seriously suggested banning it. The condition is that you can't bruise the child. Fortunately our top politicians (eg. prime minister), while they may have different political ideals to me, at least have some degree of common sense.
14. Corinne said the following at 8:01 PM on Aug 31:
Consistency - yes! Our 10 month old daughter just started getting into things. We had our house fairly well baby-proofed, but you can't lock everything up. She's been fantastically obedient - we only had to give her a little flick once to teach her not to touch daddy's books - but then she found the diaper drawer. Those crinkly wipes bags sure are cool! The problem was that I couldn't decide if it was ok for her to play in it or not at first, so I let her dig in it once while she was supervised. Well, that one time just shot the whole thing to pieces. No matter how many times I tell her "no" now, even with little flicks to the hands, she will not stop trying to get in there! Perhaps it has more allure because it's "her" stuff, but I think it's more likely an illustration that you have to be super-consistent with disciplining a young child.
15. Leisha said the following at 8:52 PM on Sep 2:
Yes, it is illegal here (N.Z.) but supposedly highly improbable that an ordinary parent would be prosecuted for lightly smacking their child. What's worse is the change to the culture that follows on from having smacking as illegal. People begin to look more at smacking as being a bad way to discipline. I don't think it would stop me from appropriately smacking my children though.
16. Jo said the following at 11:46 AM on Sep 6:
Re: smacking, I think the change to the culture has already occurred here. If I had kids, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't smack them in public.
17. Rachael said the following at 6:31 PM on Sep 7:
re: spanking (changing the word from 'smacking' :) that sounds worse to me)
--> I don't have kids and I don't have all current laws down pat, etc., but, if it is not illegal to spank kids by the time I have them, I think I will spank if necessary in the younger years. However, it will most likely hurt me to do so. Besides just behavior correction, spanking can be good for a kid's safety. If a kid is going to touch something dangerously hot or whatever and verbal warnings aren't enough, I'd much much much rather them receive a slap on the hand than a burn. That said, when possible I'd much prefer to do other forms of discipline if they work.