Parents Join Facebook
by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin on 08/18/2008 at 4:21 PM
I was a little startled this morning when I checked Facebook, and it reported that my mom just got married. Of course, she's been married for 33 years. But she's new to Facebook.
I've noticed a growing number of my friends' parents on Facebook recently. I even saw an article in Parade the other day called "Facebook 101." It encouraged parents of teens to join the popular social networking site as a way to bond. I don't mind the parental set joining us in Facebook-land. Then again, I'm not a teen.
An article published a year ago in The New York Times, expresses the irritation some teens feel about Mom and Dad invading their online space. Mom Michelle Slatalla describes an online run-in with her daughter:
Things were going really well, when suddenly something disturbing happened. An instant-message window appeared onscreen to deliver a verdict.
"wayyy creepy," it said. "why did you make one!"
Ah, there she was.
"What are you talking about?" I typed innocently.
"im only telling you for your own good," my daughter typed.
"Be my friend," I typed.
"You won't get away with this," she typed. "everyone in the whole world thinks its super creepy when adults have facebooks."
Brandee Barker, a Facebook spokeswoman, offered Slatalla this insight:
"Facebook is all about being a reflection of real-world relationships," she said. "The same thing you're experiencing with your daughter online is a reflection of how you're not a part of her social network in real life."
Not all teens are nervous about their parents being online. From a recent AP article:
Dylan Akers, 17, of Cambridge, Mass., invited his mom, Carolyn Bailey, to join Facebook and helped set up her page. Bailey, 46, a health and fitness counselor, says she has had more conversations on Facebook with her son"s friends than with him.
"I think everybody views my mom as a cool mom," says Dylan. "I'm pretty open with her about my life. I don't have to be too careful. Whatever I put on there, I wouldn’t mind her knowing."
It appears teens' attitudes toward their parents joining Facebook has everything to do with the relationship parents and teens share off line. I, for one, am happy to have Mom online (Now she can finally see all those photos I've posted). And, thanks to Facebook, everyone now knows she's off the market.
1. Rachael said the following at 4:52 PM on Aug 18:
:) about your last line. I'd be fine if my mom joined facebook and was one of my friends. Kinda weird, but it would be fine. I think she's mentioned a young person not wanting to be her mom's facebook friend :). I suppose that would be more of an issue for younger people or for people who put questionable stuff up. I have mixed feelings about social network sites. In a way it's wonderful to be connected to so many people you wouldn't ordinarily be connected to, and I've gotten in touch and reconnected with more people through facebook than I would have just through e-mail. But I don't think it's necessary for facebook to always inform you of so many of everyone's life details and make it so incredibly easy to be connected to every remote person you may have seen before or who your friend knows. It's a bit too much in some ways. It is an easy, efficient way to exchange brief messages with people you never otherwise would have e-mailed or stayed in touch with.
2. Hannah C. said the following at 5:00 PM on Aug 18:
My mom doesn't have a Facebook - she wouldn't like it and wouldn't be able to figure it out. My dad, however, does. It was a bit weird when he first got it, but my best friend and boyfriend both added him - when a guy adds his girlfriend's dad on Facebook, you know the boy's a keeper. :D No one's really said much about it.
I know some other people who are parents or old enough to be the age of my parents who are on Facebook. I don't think anyone really cares that they're there - if anything, they like it. Makes tagging people in photos easier, anyway!
3. Marc said the following at 5:29 PM on Aug 18:
I think that there has been a false "fact" that MySpace and Facebook is only for teens and/or young-adults. On the contrary, I see more and more people from, shall we say, older generations join-up. I personally think it's fine. I think it will help Facebook and MySpace (as well as Xanga, WordPress, BlogSpot, etc.) gear their product(s) towards people of all ages, not just the "youth".
4. Bertha said the following at 5:50 PM on Aug 18:
My myspace is mainly a way to keep up and share pictures with my parents and my aunt. But then again, I'm not a teen and haven't been for several years.
5. BDB said the following at 5:54 PM on Aug 18:
Correct me if I'm wrong here...but if their parents join Facebook, won't the kids just put the bad stuff on MySpace?
Though, it can even be uncomfortable among cousins...based on their Facebook profile, it's clear that they're toning down parts of their life at family gatherings...oh my...
6. Emily said the following at 6:08 PM on Aug 18:
I'm 26, I love my mom, and I don't have anything shady at all on my facebook site. Having said that, I definitely think it would be weird if she actively used that facebook account she has but didn't realize she was signing up for. I love using facebook to keep in touch with friends - real friends - people from college, mission trips, etc. For some reason, when teenagers in my church's parents ask to be my friend, I think it's weird. I understand why they're signing up, it's honestly probably the right thing for them to do, but why do they need to be my friend? That's the part about it all that I find bizarre. I don't know you, why do you need/desire to be my friend and keep asking once I've declined?
7. Melissa S. said the following at 6:54 PM on Aug 18:
My Dad joined Myspace when we did (the oldest three), and when the oldest two moved to Facebook, he opened an account there, too. Once in a while he'll leave a comment but mostly he's in the background and he doesn't have many more "friends" than his children. We didn't mind at all. It was kind of fun to have Dad on the network sites and it made me feel loved and protected since I knew that Dad cared about us and wanted to know what we were up to.
8. 'Guerite ~ BoldLion said the following at 7:36 PM on Aug 18:
Recently, I (43 years young single woman), joined the facebook at the invitation of my wonderful church family friend who is in her late 30's.
I had enjoy it and found that is one of the best way to keep up with some of my 18 nephew and nieces too.
Email doesn't do well when I email them because they don't responed to it. But Facebook does the trick for me.
I do wish that one of my nephew would clean up his dirty (foul) language in his facebook though. (There is no use to talk to his parent because his dad (my brother) is that way too.)
If Mama is still living, I wouldn't mind to share it with her. Because in my facebook, I mostly am boasting Christ and want to share that with my family and other friends.
Of course, I would mention about my job that the Lord had blessed me with and mention my three furry children.
I also do mention about Christian books that I am currently reading to encourage other to read.
Facebook can be a wonderful tools to witness to other to Christ. That is only depending on how you used your facebook, and what is your purpose to have facebook.
Hungry to eat His Word,
'Guerite ~ BoldLion
9. Jessica said the following at 8:55 PM on Aug 18:
I don't see what the big deal, is, really. My sister-in-law and older brothers are all on facebook, so it's not a big deal. Teens just have too many hangups about the silliest things, if you ask me.
10. Elizabeth said the following at 9:57 PM on Aug 18:
My teenage sister and I helped my dad and my aunt get on Facebook, though my mom wasn't interested. The only problem we have with that is that my aunt just can't get around to putting up an actual picture.
11. Maria said the following at 9:59 PM on Aug 18:
I remember when I recieved the email with the subject "Gary has requested your friendship"! (Gary's my Dad.) I really thought I had nothing to hide from my parents, but I was very convicted when my first reaction was to immediately change the way I "walled" my guy friends. Interestingly, over the next months to a year, I grew a lot in the way I viewed and related with my guy friends. Funny how a gut reaction to a facebook version of accountability to my dad, really was very telling on where my heart was. That's why I like facebook. Unlike the funny Brad Paisley song "Online" where he makes fun of the folks that create whole new identities online, no one is terribly fake on facebook. In many respects I have often discovered the "true colors" of someone based on quotes or pictures they've posted, or even the applications they've chosen to use.
12. James said the following at 10:13 PM on Aug 18:
My mom joined facebook, and I wish she'd get on more often :P.
Facebook is just that kind of an atmosphere, and besides, parents can network socially there with old classmates from college if they're on facebook too. So, it's just as much about reconnecting with people you know for them as it is for us young adults and the current crop of teenagers.
Also, it allows parents to parent better as well as they're involved with their kids on this social networking site, and just by being friends with them can see what they're up to (just like we do with our own friends....it's called facebook stalking =p). So, I think it would help facebook become even safer for teens, as mom and dad can have easy access to it as well with their own accounts.
13. Elisabeth said the following at 11:02 PM on Aug 18:
I was just commenting to my dad earlier today that my mom needed to get a facebook because all of her friends have one now. I think it's a fun way to keep in contact with those close family friends that you never see anymore because life has gotten busy. It's a good thing.
14. Cassandra Marie said the following at 11:34 PM on Aug 18:
When facebook first started, it was only colleges. Only specific colleges in fact. While mine had been added early on, I know several anxiously awaited for their college of choice to be approved. It was very strange to me when it became open to all. What had once been a networking tool among a very specific and limited group (which was why I was not apprehensive about joining, like I had been for myspace) had become widespread. It was uncomfortable at first, especially as details such as changes to profiles were accompanied by announcements on "newsfeeds." What had originally been fairly private, and visible only to classmates, and only when they were inclined to look, became very public. For awhile, I felt like I was stuck on the cover of a cheap tabloid.
However, now that it is open to all, I think its great that parents and those of older generations are on facebook. It reflects the demographics of the world, and I think it keeps young people accountable, which is especially crucial for young teens, whether they agree now or not.
Granted, MY parents aren't on facebook, and I don't know how I'd feel if they joined, as as I am not in the habit of confiding with them for emotional and spiritual issues (they are not christian), but I think their presence would not change my habits.
Since Facebook became widely available, several middle aged people I know through church events have joined, and its been great to have a variety of contacts on facebook that relate to my real social contacts. Its been an extension of the church family, and a blessing to have another way to keep in contact with some of those who live further.
And while I'd hope my behavior is upright while on Facebook, it does keep me accountable :)
15. Heidi Marie said the following at 3:19 AM on Aug 19:
My mom is on facebook, as well as most of my aunts and uncles and even my grandma! I think it's a really good way for everyone to stay in touch, especially since my parents and grandparents are missionaries to Germany. Seriously, how much easier can communication and sharing pictures and videos across an ocean get? :)
16. MH said the following at 5:29 AM on Aug 19:
I had a great aunt join facebook the other day. Now that was weird.
17. niki said the following at 6:42 AM on Aug 19:
This post has made me laugh so hard! I think it's so funny that the teen daughter told her mom how "super creepy" it is when "adults" have "facebooks"! LOL.
What happens when the teens grow up?
I'm turning 23 today and I'm not getting rid of facebook. My former college professors and their spouses are on there, and God knows how old *they* are!
"Be my friend" sounds like something my Mom would request via Facebook's Instant Message system (if I actually used it, and Mom figured out how to get onto the website) - it's funny how much you love someone but have to instant message a "friend request", risking virtual rejection. It's just weird!
Of course, I say this, myself being fully immersed in virtual reality. I even met my future husband online!
Still laughing here...
18. Loris said the following at 7:06 AM on Aug 19:
I don't have anything questionable on my Facebook-in fact, I let my parents check my Facebook all the time because they don't want to make their own page. What creeps me out is the parents of my adult friends checking up on me through Facebook. I'm not talking about them commenting on pictures or notes-I'm talking about the third degree on every status update. I'm a grown, married woman, for pete's sake!
19. NSL said the following at 7:54 AM on Aug 19:
I remember the "old days" of Facebook, when it was only open to college students, and I felt a little resistant to the entrance of high schoolers and the general public.
20. Christina (in green) said the following at 8:05 AM on Aug 19:
I really don't think parents should think that Facebook is the "new way" to connect to their kids.
Seriously, the connection needs to start in real life, not on an online profile.
21. Sam Jones said the following at 9:26 AM on Aug 19:
My Mom wasn't all that excited about the Internet in general, until she learned that we grown kids, esp. my sister in Japan, were putting pictures up of our activities and friends. At my next visit she had me set her up an account and she's been keeping up with our lives via Facebook ever since. For her, that's what it's about, keeping up with her kids lives and feeling involved, even though we all live hours away. We love our Mom, and love letting her in on our Internets.
22. Gina said the following at 10:59 AM on Aug 19:
My parents don't like Facebook, but a lot of my Facebook friends are older people from my church (many of them fellow members in the choir). It's a blast seeing them all on there. :-)
23. BDB said the following at 11:04 AM on Aug 19:
As Facebook slowly grows, it's provng to be a great way to keep up with missionaries in other countries. Their e-mail service can be spotty, but Facebook holds things together better. I think it's a much better use of their resources than snail-mailing a photocopied letter.
Just a couple of days ago I got a message from one of our missionaries in Japan. Wondering why I was up in the middle of the night. (Watching Olympic softball.) So I called him. It's an excellent format for keeping up with people in different countries.
I don't understand MySpace, though...
24. ASG said the following at 12:54 PM on Aug 19:
I am not a fan of older adults on facebook. That being said, now that I have graduated college, I am quickly becoming one. I have strictly forbidden my parents from joining, though. They are welcome to get on under my name and look through my site or my friends' sites. I have given them the password. I just don't want them using it as a social networking tool, because they are not in my "friends" network. They are my parents. I love them dearly, and they are involved in my life very closely. Having them become a part of facebook is like having them call my friends' cells, to chat. It's just weird.
25. Nicole (from Boston) said the following at 12:57 PM on Aug 19:
I'm a huge fan of Facebook. It's definitely one of my obsessions that border on idolatry. I've found it to be very helpful to keep up with people that I haven't seen in years as well as another means of communication for people that I interact with on a daily basis. I'd love for my parents to get Facebook. Sadly, my mom doesn't have time and my dad thinks it pretty much less than worthless. I keep telling him that I'm friends with all of his friends on Facebook but he's not one to give into peer pressure. :) And he does bring up the (valid) point that Facebook allows people to have "relationships a mile wide and an inch deep".
I did find it very funny when I saw my pastor's theology professor (who my pastor refers to as "one of the smartest people he knows") posting on someone's wall. The prof's gotta be at least in his 60s. :)
26. Daisy said the following at 2:31 PM on Aug 19:
My joining Facebook and being one of my 16 year old daughter's friends was our condition for letting her join Facebook. It has been fun for me, can't speak for her. I actually pay the $1 and send her gifts and she in return pokes me or sends me pieces of flair, etc. It is always interesting to me when one of her friends requests me as a friend. It has ended up that many of the kids in our youth group are my friends as well as our youth pastor and pastor. Only once have I had to tell my daughter that a picture she posted was not appropriate. SO far so good :D
27. Jorden said the following at 4:56 PM on Aug 19:
I'm 18 just for starters, and my mom has a facebook account. She doesn't use it much though. Honestly, its just kind of weird having her on there, but I'm ok with it. It's just weird when I'm talking with some of my online friends(as in I don't know them aside from the internet), and she starts asking questions about what we were talking about. Especially when they're inside jokes or stuff like that. But yeah, she doesn't use it much, so I'm ok with it. I could see it being helpful when I move away if I want to talk to her though.
28. Leah said the following at 6:21 PM on Aug 19:
I think most people on facebook are adults, but perhaps not those in the 45+ age bracket.
My mother-in-law just joined facebook, and some of my friends' parents are on there.
I think Brandee Barker was on the money.
29. natasha said the following at 1:42 PM on Aug 20:
Well, I don't find it strange to have my parents on Facebook. In fact, it is one of the most effective ways we keep in touch. I'm in my 20's, so the whole "teen" thing doesn't really apply, but I can't see why some people think it is sooo weird for adults (older adults, at least) to be on it.
30. Linda said the following at 9:06 PM on Aug 22:
I was invited to join FaceBook by teens in a youth leadership group I was leading. I joined to keep in touch with them, but have found it is a great way to keep in touch with friends, family, missionary friends in Africa, etc. I have even gotten back in touch with friends from my high school days! I keep in touch with my sons at times, but mostly with others. My generation does not use this communication gem enough as far as I am concerned!
31. Jessica said the following at 10:33 PM on Aug 22:
My Mom is on Facebook. Mostly because my sister who now lives in Panama posts pictures there. She's waiting to post photos of my new apartment, (I have to finish unpacking 1st) I'm pretty cool with it. I just had to share that my Dad finds the distinction between facebook and myspace a little confusing. He's called it Myface :)
32. Adam D. said the following at 11:27 PM on Aug 22:
Well, I think for some people this could be a forced accountability. I definitely have Christian "friends" who have some questionable material on their page, and I'm sure a lot of them would be embarrassed to have their parents know about all of these dark little secrets that were originally only known among friends and the internet.
I, for one, have a skeleton outline for a facebook page, and I only keep in touch with some of my closest friends.
33. Nikki said the following at 10:15 AM on Aug 25:
I love having my mom on facebook...it makes it easy to talk to her more often since I'm always on there LOL! :)