Early Hour Gray
by Ted Slater on 08/27/2008 at 8:27 AM
Suddenly, I wake up. It's after midnight. I'm conscious enough to remember that my family and I are visiting friends in a nearby town, and I'm sleeping in a bedroom with my brother. He's unsettled. Sitting up, he whispers urgently, "Did you hear that?"
Tired and disoriented, I grumble and curl down into my sleeping bag. He gets up to leave and, not wanting to miss anything important, I reluctantly decide to join him. We go down the narrow staircase into the open air.
A cool night mist drizzles over the yard; the air tastes musty, sour. Glowing flares shimmer off the wet road like hazy moonlight reflections over a lake. I see the tread marks on the road, smell the burnt rubber, and walk past the flares to where a handful of people are huddled around the car as if at a grave site ceremony.
The Mustang is tangled around a tree, its left side heaved deep into wet bark. Cheerless spots of dew sparkle from weeds and tiny chunks of glass. A student from the local university (I later learn) hangs awkwardly from an open door, his friend resting his head on his shoulder, his blood soaking through his hair, smearing down into his shirt and onto his chest and belly.
Pieces of his brain and skull are tossed onto his friend's lap. Beer cans are scattered in the back seat.
I look up into the restless shadows. Perhaps the spirits of these two fragile men are swimming around up there in the branches, watching voicelessly. I wonder if perhaps they see me looking up into the leaves, up toward the wide night clouds.
I leave when the ambulance comes.
While I sleep, a cleansing rain drenches the ground near the tree. The men's blood soaks into the turf, being drawn into the tree by woody tentacles. Minutes, hours pass as the blood and water work their way back into the earth.
While I sleep big trucks haul away the wreck, leaving behind scattered splinters of bluish glass. A wide patch on the tree's trunk shows where soggy bark had been slammed off in sheets.
Night recedes into early-hour gray.
In the morning, my brother and I walk to the crash site. A fleshy pink blob glistens in the dewy grass. Later in the day one of the men's friends will have covered it, gently, respectfully, with soil.
The early morning drizzle continues. The water turns from red to pink to clear.
1. Amir Larijani said the following at 8:56 AM on Aug 27:
Reminds me of a student in my undergrad days. He was a junior, majoring in engineering. Had a 3.8 GPA (which, in a major like engineering, is VERY impressive), and had locked up a co-op slot with NASA. (Those NASA co-op slots were very coveted, as only the best of the best got selected for those.)
He was taking a fluid mechanics class in the Summer of 1988, and I was the grader for that class. He and I were in the same dorm wing.
One night, he got together with some friends and went out drinking. They had too much to drink. He got into a car with a friend--who was a flight student--and they were returning to the campus.
Although both had seat belts on, they were traveling too fast, and took a curve with too much speed. The car flipped.
Tango Delta--the engineering student--was partially ejected, and crushed by the car.
He was 20.
2. Jessena said the following at 9:09 AM on Aug 27:
Wow....
I'm so sorry this happened...
3. Ronnica said the following at 9:50 AM on Aug 27:
Such a sad dose of reality. Our actions have consequences. We will not live forever.
4. Amir Larijani said the following at 10:16 AM on Aug 27:
JFK once said it himself: life isn't fair.
When those kids were partying, they didn't realize that they were a couple hours away from eternity.
Seven years ago, I was nearly killed by a drunk driver. He was in a semi; I was in a 1996 Plymouth Neon. Had I not been traveling under the speed limit, I would have gone under the trailer and been cut from 5-foot-3 to 3-foot-2. Instead, the passenger side of my car, and my engine block, were totally destroyed. And I walked away from it.
Like Jessena, I am sorry that this happened.
On the other hand, I am also relieved that they did not wrap that Mustang around any other vehicles.
5. Jonathan Dodson said the following at 10:51 AM on Aug 27:
Stirring, Ted. Thank you for capturing so much with your vivid description. It reminded me how ephemeral life is, and how quick we are to clean up messes and move on, without deliberately lingering in the impact of suffering and sin.
When we obscure and sanitize the violence of real life suffering, we deny redemption.
I wonder if this midnight experience has changed your sentiment about the Dark Knight?
6. Ted Slater said the following at 11:09 AM on Aug 27:
Jonathan (#5) -- this event took place many years ago. It did come to mind during the discussion we're having about The Dark Knight, and at what point it's best to stop viewing or pondering darkness.
Was it good for me to recount this event? Would it still be good if I were to post photos of it, or have someone produce a film portraying it in vidid detail?
I'm asking serious questions, not merely being rhetorical. Surely pondering death is good. But sometimes it goes too far, and becomes bad. Where is that line? Is it different for different people? Does it change over one's lifetime?
7. Charles said the following at 12:34 PM on Aug 27:
It is possible that the gospel accounts do not dwell too heavily on aspects of the crucifixion because the narrative would excite aspects of our old nature; just as accounts of heaven are also not explicit -- there are some of us who get our carnal natures aroused by contemplating the 'good' awaiting us.
..Yet living in the Christian "bubble" (to use Paul Coughlin's phrase) causes us to be ignorant of what life is like for those who are not living the American Dream. Seeing rural poverty and human trafficking in the third world caused a great deal of distress and contemplation for me, but also awakened a desire to do something about it. ..So we do need to have the strength of spirit/Spirit to look at manifestations of darkness in the world without losing our spiritual or psychological footing. I am counseling a younger sister who is about to enter Nursing to basically open her eyes a bit, since I think her church experiences have "sheltered" her so much she is going to be unnerved by what she encounters in the profession.
8. Christina said the following at 1:17 PM on Aug 27:
Ted,
I don't know what kind of an answer you expect, but I DO know this:
You should never contemplate death in the absense of life.
You should never contemplate evil in the absense of good.
You should never contemplate war in the absense of what you are fighting for.
You should never contemplate hell in the absense of heaven.
You should never contemplate satan in the absense of God.
You should never contemplate the Crucifixion in the absense of the Resurrection.
Without evil, there is no good.
Without death, there is no life.
Without war, there is no victory.
Without the Cross, there is no Resurrection.
No, you shouldn't overly dwell on the bad - but you can't comprehend the good without taking into account the bad...but always - ALWAYS - in light of good, truth, and love.
9. mindlab said the following at 2:22 PM on Aug 27:
8. Christina
"Without evil, there is no good. Without death, there is no life."
You were doing good until you wrote that. Evil is anything that is contrary to God's nature; God's nature does not require that evil exist to provide contrast.
Also, God (and Adam and Eve) were alive before sin and death entered the world.
Perhaps we appreciate goodness and life more because of our experiences with evil and death, but the later are not necessary to the existence of the former.
10. claire said the following at 2:29 PM on Aug 27:
"Was it good for me to recount this event? Would it still be good if I were to post photos of it, or have someone produce a film portraying it in vivid detail?"
Hi Ted,
I would have to say that I did not like this article at all. I kept reading hoping for some kind of end to the gruesomeness, but it just kept coming. In fact, it made me nauseated. We get enough of this on the news, now on Boundless, too? I am reminded of seeing a news bit on a person who was strangled in an elevator by a stranger. The news station showed the surveillance video. The victim was left all alone on the floor of the elevator and I was left thinking "Was that really necessary?" and "Why did they show that on public television?" The more people see violence, the more violent they are.
Now, to get to the point of The Dark Knight. I don't think it went anywhere near the description you wrote about the car wreck. I saw the violence in a comic book style, (I mean really, Two Face can't really happen in real life, he would die of infection) however the themes were darker and yes there was the mob, etc. Also, the movie did not show a lot, but rather pulled away the screen shots and quickly moved on to the next thing so imagination wouldn't go wild. This is not to say that someone else couldn't have been more affected by it, just not me. Where does the murkiness end, though, so it doesn't break down into a cloud of relativism (it was ok for me, but not for them, etc)? Any thoughts?
11. Carrie (the original) said the following at 2:29 PM on Aug 27:
"I'm asking serious questions, not merely being rhetorical. Surely pondering death is good. But sometimes it goes too far, and becomes bad. Where is that line? Is it different for different people? Does it change over one's lifetime?"
I think it does differ for some people. Some of us need to be shocked in order to "get it" (I'm one of those people). Other people can be seriously disturbed by the same thing that brings me to my knees.
A few weeks ago I finally watch Mel Gibson's "The Passion". I had been so concerned for so long as to how I would receive it. Although I didn't cry (probably due to the 2 interruptions I received while watching it), I was moved. Right after that I watched "Moulin Rouge". These two extremes were good for me to watch. I told a couple people at church about it and their eyes get really big, followed by a comment along the lines of "Wow. That must have been an interesting experience!"
Not everybody can watch what I can watch. However, I'm the sort that doesn't enjoy old movies. I've never seen "It's a Wonderful Life" and I don't feel incomplete.
The same goes for experiences like yours, Ted. Some would be undone while others would see Christ in the midst of it.
12. J. Tucker said the following at 2:31 PM on Aug 27:
Does anyone else out there become extremely angry when reading accounts like this one? I become more and more furious with the stupidity of man every day. Part of me feels sad at the death of these people, and the other part of me is happy that they crashed into a tree instead of into a house or another car.
Why do people continue to do this? WHY? I understand why people like to drink, but I don't understand why people continue to drive while intoxicated. We've all heard stories like this. It's illegal to even turn on the car while drunk, and you could kill a whole family of people without even knowing it. It's for good reason that we have a crime called "vehicular manslaughter".
Maybe reading well-written (Kudos Ted) accounts of this type of tragedy is not enough. Maybe all new drivers need to tour a drunken wreck one day complete with pieces of skull and brain to finally understand the idea of how incredibly stupid drinking and driving is.
Then again, that may not be enough either.
13. Rebekah W. said the following at 3:35 PM on Aug 27:
This is one of the most incredible pieces of writing I have read in a long time.
Very thoughtful, very real. Well done.
14. Helkias said the following at 3:53 PM on Aug 27:
Just to nit pick- you meant skull not scull, right?
15. Ted Slater said the following at 3:54 PM on Aug 27:
Christina (#8) -- great comments. I have to disagree with your assertions that "WIthout evil, there is no good" and "you can't comprehend the good without taking into account the bad."
God is good, and He's never required evil to exist in order for Him to exist.
And there will come a day when evil will be abolished forever; We'll still be able to comprehend the good in heaven.
I recall an essay by Chesterton titled "A Piece of Chalk," which includes the following:
"Virtue is not the absence of vices or the avoidance of moral dangers; virtue is a vivid and separate thing, like pain or a particular smell. Mercy does not mean not being cruel or sparing people revenge or punishment; it means a plain and positive thing like the sun, which one has either seen or not seen. Chastity does not mean abstention from sexual wrong; it means something flaming, like Joan of Arc."
I agree with Chesterton. Virtue, the good, exists on its own, and is not defined by the absence of evil.
16. Paula said the following at 4:37 PM on Aug 27:
Christina (8),
Was God good before Satan's creation and fall?
Would Adam and Eve have lived if they hadn't sinned?
At the bookends of history - in a garden and a city - there is no strife. Does that nullify peace?
You started well, but be careful where your theology leads.
17. Leah said the following at 6:32 PM on Aug 27:
Unfortunately I read this and sigh with the thought "not again".
Our state has had horrible road carnage this year. The stats are far higher than this time last year.
When I lived with my parents, car crashes were not uncommon, although I'm glad to say I've never witnessed someone die in a crash. By the time I was 16 I could tell what a car had crashed into just by the sound. We had a 4WD full of drunk soldiers roll onto our driveway one night. Fortunately only one had to be hospitalised. The driver lost his job in the army though.
6 weeks ago a girl my husband went to uni with (and who is good friends with many of my friends) was involved in a crash in which her 18-yr-old sister (who was driving) was killed. She was Student Council President and Dux when she graduated from high school last year. She went to the same school I did so we shared a lot of the same friends despite the age difference. What's worse is that she was doing nothing wrong at the time. She was crashed into by a guy who jumped the traffic island onto her side of the road after bolting from a hit-and-run. Yes, that's right. He'd just mowed down a motorcyclist (who survived) before ploughing into her 800m later. Her father was one of the first policemen on the scene.
Her older sister (my husband's friend) was in hospital for 4 weeks with broken legs, a broken arm, broken ribs. Amazingly she has just gotten her casts off and is out of her wheelchair.
I'm both disappointed and glad I had not met her. Glad because if I did, my anger and heartbreak would be infinitely worse. Disappointed because she sounded like the most lovely girl who would have been a pleasure to know.
Contemplating death and life is made worse when I know her family is not Christian and have no way of knowing where her heart was.
18. Ted Slater said the following at 7:21 PM on Aug 27:
You're right, Helkias. I've fixed it. Thanks for catching that!
19. Leah said the following at 7:38 PM on Aug 27:
I also disagree with Christina's comment "WIthout evil, there is no good"
Evil is what we get when we remove God from the picture. Good will exist in Heaven where there is no evil.
20. Charles H. said the following at 8:10 PM on Aug 27:
One of the most memorable sermons I heard in college began with the pastor briefly recounting how one of his friends had died suddenly when he wrecked a borrowed motorcycle. He went on to talk about his guilt at having never told the friend about Jesus, and how he'd been worried about all the wrong things: seeming intolerant, or preachy, or single-minded. I suppose he could have made that point without talking about the motorcycle wreck, but it served well to illustrate his point about never assuming that we can "just do it tomorrow."
Just as many other words or acts can be wonderful or sinful depending on context, I think depicting injury and death can be the same way.
21. khalil said the following at 9:04 PM on Aug 27:
I am right up there with comment #12 with how I feel about things like this. The range of emotions go from sadness and loss to anger. I am glad that God is infinitely greater and more forgiving than I am. DUI/DWI and rape are two things that I am not sure I could forgive easily. What angers me the most about this account isn't the loss of life as much as it is the recklessness and lack of respect for self and others that was demonstrated in the actions of those in the car. At least, from the point of view you've presented Ted, they didn't take anyone else's life, just their own. Their juvenile and selfish behaviors cost them their lives and I would assume deeply wounded countless others.
22. Leah said the following at 9:07 PM on Aug 27:
J Tucker said It's illegal to even turn on the car while drunk,
In Australia, you can't even be in charge of a vehicle while drunk. So even if you're asleep in your car parked on the side of the road, if you have the keys with you you can be booked. If someone sober had the keys though, you'd be ok.
Carrie - I'm curious as to what your "interesting experience" was while watching The Passion followed by Moulin Rouge. I haven't seen The Passion but I do love Moulin Rouge, so I'm just curious as to what the two "extremes" were.
23. Carrie (the original) said the following at 6:26 AM on Aug 28:
J. Tucker just proved my point - this piece infuriates him (as well it should), but others are speechless because of the quality of narration(rightly so).
24. Jonathan Dodson said the following at 6:46 AM on Aug 28:
I'd say that there is a degree of subjectivity that surrounds the objective line of "unviewable" in film. Most of us are so callous to sex, violence, and ideology in film that we aren't even aware of how profoundly this medium affects us or where the line lies. The key is to engage film and writing critically, redemptively, and theologically, as I have discussed in Boundless article v. Culture, in order to discern the haze from the line.
Regarding the Dark Knight, I too found it unexpectedly dark but so appreciated the depth of writing that, upon reflection, the film drove me deeper into hope in Christ. I reviewed the film HERE.
25. Paul said the following at 9:09 AM on Aug 28:
Ted,
I agree that God is good, and that He can exist without evil.
However, I'm not sure whether we humans are capable of comprehending good without understanding evil. Adam and Eve ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, which seems to suggest that the knowledge of both is connected.
There will indeed be a day when evil will be abolished and we will be transformed into eternal heavenly beings. I can only assume that part of that transformation will either enable us to comprehend good in isolation, or allow us to continue to comprehend both, but resist all temptation to sin.
26. Kate said the following at 11:09 AM on Aug 28:
To #12, drunk driving is so senseless, so reckless, so selfish and dangerous, etc. I suppose anger and bewilderment is a normal response to this, perhaps especially when we see others who are normally responsible and good end up doing it.
As to your question about why people drink and drive? I believe they make the decision without knowing it before they even drink. Without knowing it, in sound mind they choose to give themselves the opportunity to drive drunk when they will be unable to soundly make such a decision. They make this choice when they drive somewhere and drink too much without making prior solid arrangements for a way home.
Once people have had too much to drink, their mental ability to perceive their physical impairment is also impaired. Their ability to think about the results of being physically and mentally impaired like that is also diminished, obviously. Their ability to remember the dangers and consequences of intoxicated driving is impaired. Their problem solving skills about how else to get home, I imagine, are also impaired.
Once someone is at that point of impairment, the outcome is more up to circumstances and chance than their own deliberate "conscious" willpower. They may choose not to drive because they happen to remember that it's bad or because they don't feel like it, they may have friends that force them not to, or they may be so intoxicated they can't even get to their car. But, it obviously doesn't always work out that way.
Nobody except someone out to deliberately harm themselves or others would deliberately choose to drive drunk while fully understanding their chances of being caught or worse, killing innocent people or themselves. The choice, like most decisions to sin, is made somewhat blindly and foolishly, somewhat in the dark, yet it is fully preventable and fully their own responsibility. At times I suppose the decision is made with deliberate reckless abandon or deliberately ignoring advice and knowledge that people have received about how they are too drunk to drive, but I also believe a lot of people do not really understand the way that alcohol affects their brains and their ability to make good decisions. They do not know their limits. While sober or drunk, people may feel like they think the same way when drinking as when they are completely sober, but they simply do not. I find this fascinating, though it can have very tragic results.
I don't know if that is a satisfactory answer as to why people drink and drive, but perhaps it will shed some light on how they end up doing it.
27. Christina (in green) said the following at 11:25 AM on Aug 28:
I think Paul in #24 got what I was trying to say.
Sorry...the last half wasn't well thought out.
28. Kate said the following at 11:29 AM on Aug 28:
I agree with Rebekah #13.
I do not think it's staring too long into the abyss to write or read accounts such as this.
Maybe it would be if you were exploiting the tragic story for a thrill, as a way to feed some kind of emotional masochism, or somehow otherwise relishing in the violence of it. Obviously, that's not what you were doing, and it is probably unlikely that most readers would read it that way.
Writing about traumatic events and sharing the stories of what happened helps us understand what happened and helps us really stare what we saw in the face... rather than just trying to forget about it through avoidance (which usually elicits compounding fear and avoidance). For a lot of people, car crashes, especially one this severe, are some of the scariest and most traumatic things possible.
I suppose it's for this reason that crash scenes are so haunting, and I think it is natural to want to see what happened, to try to understand what the sudden demise of human life is like, though it is ugly and frightening which makes us want to avoid it at the same time.
I think you did an excellent job portraying the horror of it which is in the moment almost overridden by an odd, unnerving calm in which time sort of stands still, and the strange details you notice and things you think of when in an hyped up state while witnessing something like that.
29. BDB said the following at 6:13 PM on Aug 28:
We just had a similar crash nearby.
30. Kelly said the following at 4:31 AM on Aug 29:
Just sayin'... this post seriously upset me.
I would request a warning on things like this in the future.
But you can also argue that 'real life' doesn't come with warnings.
Hmmm.
31. Kelly said the following at 11:10 AM on Sep 1:
And then last night, as I was walking home, I came across an ambulance, a crowd, and even though I tried not to look, a river of blood.
I think God's sending me a message.
32. Nate said the following at 9:07 PM on Sep 3:
This should be a good reminder to us that we need to share the gospel with those around us. Or ask how is your soul? We have no idea what lies around the corner just like the James 4:14 says; “yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.”