Boats or Votes?
by Heather Koerner on 07/10/2008 at 4:59 PM
Were the men on the Titanic heroes or sexists?
Some thought (and think) them heroes. In fact, a memorial still stands in Washington, D.C., reading, "To the brave men who perished in the wreck of the Titanic, April 15, 1912. They gave their lives that women and children might be saved. Erected by the women of America."
Some thought (and think) them sexists. The very idea that women needed protection was a symptom of patriarchy run amok. In an article titled, "The Titanic Riddle," one author wonders:
You're on the Titanic II. It has just hit an iceberg and is sinking. And, as last time, there are not enough lifeboats. The captain shouts, "Women and children first!" But this time, another voice is heard: "Why women?" Why, indeed?
"Boats or Votes?" asked one prominent newspaper at the time, seeming to indicate that women needed to choose between equality (the right to vote) and protection (the boats).
That dichotomy--either choose protection or choose equality--is a difficult one. On one hand, I want it to be known and acknowledged that I am not inferior, that I am absolutely of equal worth as a man. On the other, I know deep down that I am more vulnerable to harm in this life, and I long for safety and security.
Thankfully, it's a choice that Christianity does not demand I make. Certainly, the world will tell me that accepting protection from godly men is the same as affirming my inferiority to them. But the Word tells me different. It acknowledges both truths--my worth and my vulnerability--without making me choose between them.
God tells me that I am an equal heir to His kingdom. But He also commands that my Christian brothers, my husband in particular, act to me as Christ acted toward the church. That he be willing to give himself up for me.
As I write in today's Boundless article, "Nurturing Protection," "the world's masculinity either demands to be served or refuses to be bothered." But biblical masculinity acknowledges both my worth and its mandate to serve sacrificially by laying down his life for mine.
To me, those Titanic men were unquestionable heroes. They didn't demean a woman's worth by protecting her; they esteemed it.
Boats or Votes? Equal Worth or Protection? I'm very thankful God gives me both.
101. Louise said the following at 8:48 PM on Jul 18:
Re comment 100, I would be interested in finding out if indeed all of the married Boundless staff are homeowners.
Would one of the staff/moderators care to address this?
Thank you.
Louise
102. JMarie said the following at 8:19 AM on Jul 19:
Actually, Kellie, there was an article a while back exploring those other options. I seem to remember that it recommended studying in fields that would allow job flexibility and independence so that a mother could still use her skills to creatively provide for her family while staying at home or working part-time. (I'd search for it, but I've already spent too much time reading when I need to get ready for work!)
103. a sister said the following at 9:07 AM on Jul 19:
And the converse is true too: wives and children are priorities in the husband's life (the married are concerned with how to please their spouse, Paul says).
When we emphasize commitment to one's spouse / kids for women but not men, it makes marriage look terribly unattractive to me.
Bottom line, and I've said this more than a few times, we live in a different time than the women of ancient Rome and Greece. The principles of Scripture are universal but the application is not identical. Some people want the application to look pretty similar on every family and it doesn't. It varies with the personality, gifts, interests and history of each person.
Managing a home in ancient times was a full time job - and often was a full time job even if you had a staff of servants to help you. Some women applied themselves to that task and others ate the bread of idleness. Legally, most of the options available to women today were not available, but plenty of women still worked "outside their own home" - they were servants or merchants or worked alongside their husbands in a trade... Scripture isn't saying those things are wrong -- I think it is saying that eating the bread of idleness is wrong and being selfish is wrong. A woman isn't to spend her life gossiping and dolling up and using her time entirely for her own pleasure to the neglect of the people God wants her to serve (of course, neither is a man).
In my opinion,
Today, managing a home can be a full time job for some women but not for all women. A woman who is married AND totally responsible for the care of small children OR who home schools older children OR who is not very gifted with organizational ability or energy will probably find home management a full time job.
A woman who is married AND her children are in public or private school OR are grown OR who has an energetic personality OR manages time and tasks well will probably not find home management a full time job. She may want to be a SAHM anyway. But maybe she wants to pursue her career 20 or 30 hours a week. Some people will automatically judge that she isn't prioritizing her family if she works outside the home. But maybe she is in a position where she can keep her house clean with a few hours of work a week, she may enjoy hospitality and do more of it than some SAHMs but she doesn't take all week to prepare to have someone over, she can do it spontaneously or with very little planning, and maybe God has given her a ministry to unreached women and men in her workplace - women some SAHMs are all too ready to despise.
Single women and married women with no children can often manage a career and home at the same time with no trouble at all. If she wants to be a supported woman anyway (be a father or brother or husband) that's a legitimate choice, but so is pursuing a career for God's glory (not her own).
Remember folks, we usually have vacuum cleaners, dishwashers, and washing and drying machines. Most of us buy our clothes, soap and milk and meat (rather than make or produce it) and we have refrigerators and deep freezers so we don't have to go shopping once a day. I could go on, but you get the idea...
Listen, I'm not down on SAHMs at all. My mom was one and most of my married friends are and I will probably be at some point in my life. But it isn't "most godly" to take 50 hours a week to maintain your home and be bored 40 of them if you are one of those gals who can maintain their home quite adequately in 7 or 8 hours a week. Now not every woman can (or should) do that, but some can and still have plenty of time for the other areas where God has called them to be salt and light.
104. Tom Neven said the following at 12:08 PM on Jul 19:
Louise (#101)
I can't speak for the others, but I'm a homeowner. Sometimes I wish I weren't, especially after just getting an estimate of $1,000 to have to cut down a dead tree in my backyard before it falls and takes out a huge chunk of my or my neighbor's roof.
105. Beatrice81 said the following at 12:38 PM on Jul 19:
Just one thought: beware those who claim that "God's only or best" choice is the one that matches their own chosen lifestyle. This seems to particularly afflict those who are married and have a lot of children -- as if their insistance that their own lifestyle be idolized is a way of compensating for their own doubts.
The fact is, for the vast majority of women (and men) in the Bible (both Old and New), their marital or parenthood status is insignificant, usually not even mentioned. Remember, Jesus himself was clear to state that marriage does not even make an appearance in heaven, neither as a continuation of earthly marriage or as a place where new ones occur. Marriage, for those who undertake it, is a temporary state associated with a fallen state of humanity. In the presence of the perfect Christ, it cannot and does not exist.
106. Chris said the following at 7:33 PM on Jul 19:
Tom writes:
I can't speak for the others, but I'm a homeowner. Sometimes I wish I weren't, especially after just getting an estimate of $1,000 to have to cut down a dead tree in my backyard before it falls and takes out a huge chunk of my or my neighbor's roof.
I've got to do the same, possibly with up to 3 trees. I offered to my wife to do it myself by renting a cherry-picker and using a chain saw.
She wisely vetoed me due to the power lines nearby......
Of course, the most annoying thing about being a homeowner is the $79 A/C tech visit because a bug got fried in the *open* relay on my unit. WHO BUILDS AN EXTERIOR PIECE OF EQUIPMENT WITH AN OPEN RELAY THAT ANY BUG CAN GET INTO AND SHORT OUT?
107. Christina (in green) said the following at 8:16 PM on Jul 19:
Kellie,
Those articles I actually found quite helpful. Especially since at the time I had just had some conversations with people claiming that it is IMPOSSIBLE to raise a family on one income alone.
No, maybe not helpful for everyone...but for those that are actually willing to make the sacrifices so that a mother can stay at home with her children, they were VERY helpful. It proved to me that it CAN work.
108. Leah said the following at 12:31 AM on Jul 20:
a sister (103)- actually, a lot of young people just starting a household DON'T have a lot of the mod-cons you listed. For example, my husband and I don't have a dryer or a dishwasher. I work 3 and a half days a week, and am very grateful for the one and a half days (on top of my weekend) to do housework, perhaps some baking, preparation for my church's kids' club that I'm a leader for, etc. It means that in the evenings when my husband is home, I'm not rushing around doing other things rather than spending time with him. I hate it some evenings after I've been working all day, come home and have to cook dinner, put on a load of washing, hang it up, do the dishes (even though my husband does help) because it leaves very little time for us to enjoy each other's company.
Of course housekeeping is not quite what it was in OT and NT times. But there is something to be said for a wife (even when child-less) to spend a bit of extra time at home.
(NB: Not saying wives *should* or *have* to do that. Just saying I think it's beneficial and wives who do that certainly aren't shunning a job outside the home).
109. Kelly said the following at 3:33 PM on Jul 20:
Just stopping by to say thanks to Heather for the advice; I've talked it over with some Christian girlfriends who helped me realise it wasn't totally my fault.
110. Rachael said the following at 8:18 PM on Jul 21:
Leah --
Just wanted to say congrats on your marriage...don't know when it was, but I think it was recent, right? Anyway, big congratulations! (If I'm wrong nevermind.. :) )
Yeah I hope I'd be able to be free at the same time as my (future) husband. The thing about teaching is that there is always stuff that could/should/must be done. Ah, management...one advantage about having stuff to do, though, would be that the couple could both work on their individual things (work or whatever) simultaneously...
It must be hard to multitask marriage and responsibilities...ah, the merging of "life" and "lives"...