Would You Like a Little F-bomb with Your Meal?
by Motte Brown on 06/19/2008 at 1:00 PM
I'm hyper-sensitive to cursing. Maybe it's because I'm reminded of my own boorish behavior when I hear it. You see, I could weave a stream of obscenities that would make Tiger Woods blush before regeneration. Whatever the case, I notice it immediately when I'm in public places, especially if my wife and kids are with.
Such was the case a couple of nights ago.
My family and I were out celebrating at one of our favorite restaurants when group of four business men sat down at a table next to us, each with cocktail in hand. And it started immediately with a cool "f this s." Then pretty much all the biggies were said.
Right now my kids are a bit oblivious to it. But my wife isn't. And as her protector, as well as for the sake of decent society, I felt an obligation to do or say something. But after entertaining a few options in my head, I didn't do anything. I settled on the thought that my interference could evoke a visceral response that would make matters worse.
I'm not at all convinced that was the right conclusion though. So I've decided to come up with a plan since I'm certain it'll happen again. Here are the possible responses I'm considering:
1) Speak to the manager. After all, it's their job to maintain a enjoyable dining atmosphere. So it should be no problem for the manager to politely ask for the patrons to keep a civil tongue. And the establishment may be more sensitive to it in the future.
2) Confront the offender(s) directly. I really have no problem with humbly asking an individual or group to stop cursing, particularly on behalf of my wife and children. However, there's always the risk of inciting additional unpleasantness given the character of those prone to public cursing.
3) Let it go if it's not too loud. This is what I did the other night. I let it go because it wasn't overly boisterous. I'm not even sure if my wife would have noticed if I hadn't pointed it out to her. But regardless of who's offended, don't I have a civic duty to confront indecency?
I guess things like this are decided on a case by case bases. But it may prove worthwhile to have thought this through. I'll let you know how it turns out.
What about you? Have you ever done anything to quiet some barbarians?
1. Louise said the following at 1:09 PM on Jun 19:
I can relate to this post.
Excessing F-bombs are annoying to say the least!
If the offenders don't look dangerous, I would recommend direct and polite confrontation.
Sometimes just a quiet reminder that some people are offended by that language is enough to embarrass people into cleaning up their conversation.
2. peter said the following at 1:16 PM on Jun 19:
"But regardless of who's offended, don't I have a civic duty to confront indecency?"
This can be done well, and it can be done poorly. I've seen a lot of Christians do this very poorly, and that's where we get some of our stereotypes I'd like to shed. "Cursing" itself is too broad of a description. Some is fine, some is horrible.
3. BDB said the following at 1:26 PM on Jun 19:
I remember back in ROTC, where cursing was generally prohibited during regular assemblies. Someone was saying something, and one of the cadet captains yells, "Hey! - At Ease That." Everyone knew what that meant.
Periodically I'm in a setting where I blurt that out in response to someone's language, and people look at me strangely...
4. Leigh said the following at 1:27 PM on Jun 19:
While I can't say that I've ever done anything to get someone to stop cursing--I've been blessed to not be in a situation where it was needed--I do know several who have. One girl I know who is taking summer school has asked the other students to refrain from cursing in her presence. When one did, she hit him (after fair warning). He cursed again and she hit him again. While not exactly the most delecate way to manage the problem, it did get her point across. I can't say but that I would have done the same thing in her position...
Either way, I think cursing is a bit ridiculous. Can you not come up with a better way to express yourself? Something a bit more imaginative perhaps?
5. Holly (single, non-parent one) said the following at 1:30 PM on Jun 19:
This is an interesting dilemma. #1 strikes me as an option that you really don't have as your family's protector unless you know the manager to be a grown man capable of physically defending himself against a visceral reaction on the part of the barbarians. It would not be honorable for you to say to another man's wife or daughter, "Please confront those barbarians so that my wife doesn't have to listen to their foul mouths." Nor do I think it would be honorable to say something like that to a very young adult, and doubly so if you bring the name of Christ into it at all. It would strike virtually any non-believer as "Hey, 20 year old assistant manager kid. Jesus wants those barbarians to stop cursing. Go confront them for me, okay?" It would risk being a TERRIBLE witness.
Personally, I've found that many people with "potty mouths" speak that way from habit, and reminding them of how they sound usually works. If someone loudly uses the Lord's name as a profanity, I've been known to look up and say, "Where?!?" That embarrasses them and has never been required twice with the same person. Likewise, I have greeted the use of an F bomb as an adjective (by which I mean a construction of something like, "my effing car") with, "I didn't know a car could do that," in a politely incredulous, not sarcastic, tone. That also works.
The restaurant scenario is an interesting real-life dilemma for a married man. I can see why you're not totally sure, in retrospect.
6. Claire said the following at 1:45 PM on Jun 19:
I confronted some people sitting in a public lounge at school to please use decent speech while in the lounge. I was by myself and the main offender then proceeded to talk loudly to her friends about how "lame" I was, using many choice words. It was pretty intense, but her friends eventually ignored her. They laughed at what she was saying, but looking back on it, I think they were laughing because they were uncomfortable. Yeah, I wasn't comfortable either, but I was getting tired of hearing crass language yelled out in public.
7. Leann said the following at 2:15 PM on Jun 19:
This really isn't about cursing, but some kids down the street from me and across the street from the SHERIFF's OFFICE in my town are constantly yelling and talking loud past 11:00 p.m. when I'm trying to sleep. The other night, I had a headache and it was just unbearable to hear the teenage girl who was with all guys screaming in that flirty scream that girls do when guys are messing with them. I marched out the front door and yelled, "Could you please keep it down? Some people have to work in the morning!" I know...I'm getting old. My husband got home from work at that very moment. I asked him to go talk to them because they either didn't hear me or ignored me. He said, "I'll do you one better" and called the cops. Not 10 seconds later, there was a police car next to the house they were outside of and my husband and I stood on the porch and stared. I think I did my civic duty.
8. JessicaF said the following at 2:33 PM on Jun 19:
Once, my dad put his hand out in front of someone's mouth and told them to say the word again. Then he told them to eat it. He never had an issue with that person again.
9. Brenna said the following at 2:38 PM on Jun 19:
Mild swearing does not bother me, but using the F bomb does. Especially used in excess. If it is just me, however, I usually do not say anything. If there are children present, however, I think that it is very appropriate to tell someone to watch their mouths. Nicely, of course. People tend to respect the innocence of childhood, and if you voice your concerns in respect of your children, people will probably understand. What I think is interesting is that the group described was a group of businessmen. For people who are educated and work in jobs where that language is (I'm assuming) not acceptable, it is sad that they cannot come up with more imaginative and publicly appropriate comments.
10. Tami said the following at 2:43 PM on Jun 19:
One time I was talking to a friend and he said "Oh my ---." Something (Someone?) came over me and I said, "Do not take the Lord's name in vain!" (it came out gently, but forcefully... and even I was surprised to hear it come out of my mouth like that!) He was super apologetic, and then he pretty much said "oh my gosh" and tried to eliminate any "swear words" around me the rest of the time I worked with him (several years).
11. Janice said the following at 2:51 PM on Jun 19:
I totally agree with your responses. I especially take issue with teens and adults peppering their speech with such inappropriate language at amusement parks and other places where lots of families and people gather. I have no problem confronting the offender. I see it as a serious decline in the moral fabric of society when people's consciences are so seared to language. And I'm the "prude" for saying something?! Hello! My 14 year old sister doesn't need to hear all that hoohaw, much less me!
12. Jen said the following at 3:07 PM on Jun 19:
One time I was eating in the food court at a mall and a guy was talking to a friend across from him (they were both in their young twenties) and he kept letting the f-bomb and other choice words slip out. Right next to him was a dad with his probably 7 year old son. I was ASTOUNDED that this guy had absolutely no perception of the fact that other people could hear every word he said. I felt terrible for the man and his son, and just didn't know what to do. Eventually, after one very peppered sentence, the man interrupted and just said, "hey, can you watch what you're saying please, there are kids around...I'd appreciate it." The guy immediately apologized, and I think he was genuinely embarrassed.
I wish I had the nerve to say something in that situation, but I'm glad the father stood up in that situation and handled it well.
13. DP said the following at 3:41 PM on Jun 19:
Serious question here, but what makes a curse word a curse word? Why does it seem like it's OK to say dang but not d*&$ (and other things like that)?
14. Jo said the following at 3:42 PM on Jun 19:
at college i knew a guy who would use 'f-ing' literally in the same way other people would use 'um' while thinking of their next word. once or twice a sentence at least. it really didn't bother me - swearing rarely does to be honest, although in the situation motte describes i would be worried about the children. i don't ever use language like that myself though, and he must have noticed that because even though i never once mentioned it, he used to apologise to me every so often when it occurred to him, presumably thinking it might offend me. i always found that quite interesting.
15. cn said the following at 4:04 PM on Jun 19:
Thank you for this. I've become increasingly bothered by the way so many people will use profanity as if the rest of the world enjoys hearing them say words that if used frequently enough will classify a movie as R-rated, prohibiting any one under 17 from viewing. We don't have this rating luxery the real world. Restaurants, swimming pools,... whatever... take on R-rated terminology and there's no forewarning giving you the option to endure or not, and there's no ticket sales person checking your i.d. to see if you're legal.
Believers or not, using profanity is not good self representation. Especially as much education as we all have today. It demonstrates lack of self control and creative thinking.
I don't know the solution. At this point I'd vote on speaking with the manager because he or she is responsible for the atmosphere of a restaurant, and providing a pleasant dining experience for all. Although you could go with the church disciplinary method... first approach alone, then with a witness, then infront of the whole restaurant ;) lol.
It will be interesting to see what others say.
16. Jenny said the following at 4:31 PM on Jun 19:
I can't understand what you think you will accomplish, using the phrase "f-bomb." You're already as good as saying the word, calling it up in the reader's minds. It's as good as explicitly spelled out- the mere matter of letters does not make a difference. So why not just say "curse word" and be done with it?
And anyway, my suggestion is that you ignore it. Curse words are not the end of the world; I grew up in Brooklyn and learned the major ones before I was ten. Didn't harm me at all. It's certainly much better to be exposed to it as a matter of (sinful, regrettable) fact than to keep them a Big Dark Secret most of your kids' lives. Knowing the nature of children, if they have to learn curse words in secret from other children, they'll be all the more likely to use them! They won't be "those words that the nasty people use," they'll be "oooh a secret that mom and dad don't want me to know!"
17. Andrew said the following at 4:32 PM on Jun 19:
I think that sometimes people make too big of a deal about swear words. Saying "Oh my G--" is sometimes seen as acceptable, while an f-bomb is unconscionable. I think that misusing God's name is much worse than dropping an f-bomb.
The only reason that it might be wrong to use swear words is that it could offend other people. However, misusing God's name is wrong whether people are offended or not.
18. sarah said the following at 4:34 PM on Jun 19:
@Brenna - #9
Amazingly, I work in a business environment where such language is not only common but accepted - particularly at business meals such as the one described here. Over time, I have taken various tactics, with varying degrees of success.
Depending on the person's level (ie are they my boss's boss?), I'll either make a short comment or let it go. By now, most of them know how I feel and either attempt to refrain, or apologize to me and say it anyway. Interesting that the recognize it, but choose to not change their behavior.
19. BDB said the following at 5:20 PM on Jun 19:
Leann (#7) wrote:
>>it was just unbearable to hear the teenage girl who was with all guys screaming in that flirty scream that girls do when guys are messing with them. <<
Yes! I had an apartment next to a liquor store once, right in front of a little Sheriff's office. I heard the girl with that scream...so I called on the business line and said, "Ya know, it might just be kids goofing around. But I'd feel terrible if it was something serious and I did nothing."
They were there within two minutes! Nothing like teenagers sulking away under the glare of patrol car floodights.
20. Al said the following at 6:08 PM on Jun 19:
For what it's worth, it seems that Scripture talks more about believers not using crude language because it's unfitting for God's people than it does about asking others to restrain their behavior for our sensibility's sakes. Granted, sometimes humble confrontation might be helpful for both the person's sake and those they might negatively affect like say, children in the area, but it seems that as Christians, we should pick and choose our battles-- but if we were fixated on confronting indecency in any form among presumed unbelievers, we wouldn't have time for much else.
And I also tend to think that addressing one's kids after the incident and explaining why they shouldn't use those words to be much more helpful, especially in our culture, than sheltering them from crude language. There's fair chance they'll eventually hear worse on the playground.
21. Phil said the following at 6:20 PM on Jun 19:
I strongly dislike to hear strong profanity or an excess of mild profanity. I have a summer job at a foundry for the second summer (small town, get what you can). The people who work there use profanity excessively. The F-bomb is considered a wild-card adjective that can describe anything they want it to. At first hearing so much profanity would make for a very bad day and I would really detest the people using it.
A few days ago I realized that profanity, even if its strong, is relatively unimportant. I was letting my distaste for profanity cause a rift between me and my coworkers that distracted me from my first priority of sharing Christ with them. I was so hateful of the words that I forgot the people. When my coworkers need to see Christ in me the first thing they hear doesn't need to be a complaint about profanity. (though when I have a wife and kids I will not let people swear in their presence,)
Also, living for Christ is often more powerful than words. Because I do not use profanity, both of my supervisors have reduced their cussing around me. Today my supervisor even apologized for using mild profanity.
22. Nicole said the following at 6:56 PM on Jun 19:
I have worked in restaurants for four years now. Through college and now graduate school. I STRONGLY recommend saying something to the manager. Or even your server. I have seen other people confront people doing this and it goes very poorly. However, if it's been my table I can gentle go up to them and tell them that some of the other customers have their families and children with them and would really like it if they watched their language and it has NEVER been a problem. They have always apoligized profusely. A manager can go up to them and do the same thing. I had a table one time who was like this and because of how they were in general I wasn't comfortable asking them to stop and had my manager do so. It works best from this perspective because a restaurant is still privately owned, they can ask anyone to leave if they need to do so. If they refuse to listen it is a very simple matter for the manager to ask them to leave. It's not so simple if you go up to them to do it. Yes, the servers and managers may be young, but they have the power of the law strongly behind them in doing so and at least the managers are trained to deal with these situations (shortly before graduation my back-up plan was managing so I went through manager training courses). It's the best scenario to deal with this in. It does not go very well often if another customer does it. Usually the offender gets defensive. When a restaurant worker confronts them and it comes from a different perspective and isn't like a personal attack from the person speaking to them. A good manager or server won't specify which table, just refer to company policy or others in general. Many companies that are more "family restaurants" have a policy against this, but won't speak to anyone unless asked to do so.
23. Katie M. said the following at 8:08 PM on Jun 19:
Early in our romance, my now-husband, then-boyfriend and I were hanging with a group of our student government friends. One guy was being crude, and hubby respectfully and firmly told him not to speak that way in front of me. It surprised and delighted me, and my heart swelled with respect and appreciation for him. My hero...!
24. Melissa S. said the following at 8:14 PM on Jun 19:
Once I had an English professor who asked the class if anyone would mind her using profanity and crude language, because after all, it's not the word itself that is bad, it's the negative cultural meaning we assign to it that makes the word bad. I looked around and no one was objecting. I politely raised my hand in protest. It was unbelievable on all counts. Morally, professionally, and educationally, it was ridiculous. Everything put aside, I was not about to pay money to hear someone swearing. I already knew those words and wanted to learn some college level stuff! The instructor was annoyed and asked the same thing the next class. I objected again and the prof remained annoyed for the rest of the semester. The other students seemed like they thought I was being ridiculous but I like to think that maybe I was helping out some other student who wasn't comfortable with objecting.
I've been lifeguarding at a pool for three summers. The profanity has lessened now, but I was surprised the first summer how much my simply NOT swearing stood out. I was bothered by all the language but hadn't really said or looked anything. The other guards started commenting about what a goody-goody I was simply because I didn't swear. It was amusing that my words seemed just as "weird" to them as theirs did to me, and it was all because of what we did or did not say.
25. Brian said the following at 8:41 PM on Jun 19:
I can recall numerous times gently asking someone to "keep the language to a minimum" when I've been with my wife or my nephews and nieces. Usually people are just oblivious, and are apologetic after they realize how profane they're being
26. James said the following at 8:45 PM on Jun 19:
Holly (#5), I like your examples there, and I've started using them when hearing the Lord's name being used in vain.
Now, I do still sometimes swear mildly (though I'm very much trying to cut even the mild stuff out), but the f-bomb and anything that takes God's name in vain upsets me. So, I'm at swing dancing lessons the other night, and we rotate follows (that's the girls. guys are leads, girls are follows), and the instructor cues up the music and I start leading this gal. Well, she slips up or something (I didn't notice, except that she stopped herself and said something) and says "Christ!"
Well, at this point, I'm offended but don't want to come off nasty (I was raised to behave like a gentleman), so I simply say, "Sorry, I'm not Him. I know Him though, do you want an introduction?" She stopped using Christ's name immediately and used something else (not colorful or offensive) the next time.
When it comes to the really profaning speech (like using God's name as if it's the prefix to da-it!) or the f-bomb when it's used excessively, though, I don't play Mr. Witty. I just say "Please don't use that language where I can hear it." Not in a nasty or hostile tone, just matter-of-factly.
Speak up if you're offended, folks. In my past, I let some stuff slip when I shouldn't have and have had fathers (who were total strangers to me) come up to me, tap me on the shoulder and ask politely (but forcefully) to stop cussing b/c children were in ear-shot. Needless to say it IS very embarrassing and WORKS. Do it.
27. JBurke said the following at 8:55 PM on Jun 19:
My father-in-law was almost attacked at a sporting event when he calmly and graciously asked some men not to cuss around my mother-in-law and me. It was a scary situation but my respect for him grew greatly.
On a related note I do think that we all need to think about our hearts. I don't cuss but I am often sinful with my words. We are pharisees if we are offended by other people cussing by not by our own words that come from hearts that are just as angry, crude, or malicious.
28. Abigail said the following at 9:57 PM on Jun 19:
While I think it's wrong to use the Lord's name in vain I don't have a problem with cursing in general. I don't do it, and I don't mean to say that it is 'right'... but I find it very hard to be offended at someone whose car tire blows out suddenly on a bridge when there's no-where to drive the car and his family is in harm's way who then lets out a few choice phrases.
Excessive use of the f-word just sprinkled uselessly in conversation is vulgar and shows an obvious lack of anything insightful to contribute to conversation, but VERY occasional use of a 'bad word' is meant only to express feelings of "great annoyance and frustration", but is easier to say. :p
I worked at Burger King for a couple of years and my co-workers didn't always use the best language, but I picked my hills to die on and the only things I objected to (politely) were mis-uses of the Lord's name, and sexual slurs. Since I myself did not curse, I was friendly to them, and I was not shy about them knowing I was a Christian, most of them respected me and refrained from the worst bad language without me having to even ask.
So maybe that's a little helpful for a long-ish-term work situation, even if not for the sudden descending of snockered businessmen in a family restaurant. (:
29. Tami said the following at 11:04 PM on Jun 19:
What others of you have said is really true: if you don't cuss or curse, people seem to automatically notice. People at work who don't even know I'm a Christian (really, that's not many) will apologize for their language without me even saying anything.
Just goes to show how loudly your behavior "speaks." Of course that's not to discount the value of simply saying, "Hey, could you watch your language?" when the situation warrants.
What I don't understand is why my (religiously) conservative Christian friends say "Oh my ---." Must be habit? A bad one...
30. Jenn said the following at 12:41 AM on Jun 20:
Why not just ask to be re-seated?
31. Betsi said the following at 8:03 AM on Jun 20:
The Bible says "Love is not easily offended." If we can respond gently and quietly to things that bother us in public, don't we have a much better chance of winning souls for Christ? Rebuking someone loudly and embarrassing them is not a good witness, nor does it make you a hero.
32. Loris said the following at 8:13 AM on Jun 20:
Vulgarity doesn't bother me very much. I used to spend a lot of time playing World of Warcraft and asking people not to swear is a losing battle. I did make headway, however, in asking people not to say Christ! every time they messed up. They knew I was a Christian, but I made the case that you shouldn't swear by anybody's gods at all. That made sense to the politically-correctness brainwashed teens and I did see some slacking off, though I did often have to remind people.
What really bothers me even more is when I see Christians saying Oh my God carelessly. We know better.
33. Matt from DC said the following at 8:23 AM on Jun 20:
While we're on the topic of innappropriate behavior in public what about sexual behavior - from passionate kissing to intercourse? Say something, call the cops, or keep on going?
I live in the DC area and frequently ride the Washington and Old Dominion Trail. Every day when school lets out, a gaggle of teenagers would walk on a two mile stretch and sure enough several couples took the opportunity for lengthy kissing standing in the trail. Now I'm not against lengthly or passionate kissing, but there are probably a hundred people passing by in an hour when they choose to stand there and do that. I went with offering good advice, "Save it for marriage, you'll thank me later". LOL.
Also, yesterday two people were having sex twenty feet off of the main trail on one of the auxilary roads. I couldn't believe it. Talk about indecent. I was so shocked I couldn't come up with much except, "Do you know that we can see you?" Also, I looked out for any families headed in that direction to warn them, but the couple I passed was headed the other way.
What would you have done?
34. Rose said the following at 10:57 AM on Jun 20:
Well, some interesting ideas here.
I find blasphemy far more offensive than coarse language. To me coarse language is not fundamentaly wrong but inappropriate in some contexts and shows a poor vocabulary. The 10 Commandments forbid people taking God's name in vain not saying the f-word. I tend to respond to people saying "oh my God" with "No, it's only me."
As for the idea that you shouldn't swear in front of a woman, I find that horrific, creepy and misogynistc. (But then I'm a humourless feminist who probably shouldn't be here.) It's treating women as infants who need protecting from the crudeness of the world and can't speak up for themselves and who are all offended by the same things. If something offends me I will say so.
35. trying to stay balanced said the following at 1:35 PM on Jun 20:
#34 Rose,
So nicely put on all counts. A good reminder for me.
I have the bad habit of using god when I want to use gosh. Then again some people think, what's the difference. Gosh is just a substitute. Like heck for hell, darn or damn, frikkin (sp?) for that other word.
I am sure you’re not a “humourless feminist” and you have a great point in that if something is offensive to us as women we can say so for ourselves.
Have a nice weekend.
36. alex said the following at 1:48 PM on Jun 20:
Have your wife shoot them "the Look". Works every time.
37. Justice said the following at 2:09 PM on Jun 20:
DP,
DAMN is not a curse word. Damn comes from the word Condemn if I'm not mistaken, so in essence when someone says GD they are literally telling God to "damn" them to punishment or something like that. At my old Christian school they would get on me about saying crap because it was a replacement for another word, which the original curse word wasn't even bad.
Even on my trip to Papua New Guinea, the only Christians that thought SH** was a bad word were Christians who had been to America. I doubt Boundess will even post this though, that's a shame
38. IMO said the following at 2:12 PM on Jun 20:
I like it when my husband stands up for me/speaks up for me. I am perfectly capable of being outspoken. That's beside the point. I guess, to me, it's seeing my husband's role as a (servant and humble) leader of our family in action...in small things and big things. And I'm not going to deny him the pleasure of taking care of me and protecting me.
So when there is an opportunity to stand up for me, he'll take it. For example, if we're at my sister's bhouse, watching tv. And it's turned to very scandily (sp?)clad women. He'll ask to have it be turned to a different channel..because we are both uncomfortable viewing such material.
39. Jeremy said the following at 2:15 PM on Jun 20:
"Serious question here, but what makes a curse word a curse word? Why does it seem like it's OK to say dang but not d*&$ (and other things like that)?"
That is what makes this a tough issue -- the offensiveness of a particular word depends entirely on the hearer. Some people would be offended by "dang". My feeling is that we should strive on both sides, first to not offend others with our speech (thus erring on the side of caution), and second to not be offended by the language of others.
40. Tami said the following at 2:38 PM on Jun 20:
I thought to damn someone was *by definition* to curse someone...
We don't really think about it that way (I would guess because we don't really think about what we're saying when we do say it) -- but to verbally condemn something or someone to God's punishment *is* a curse, wouldn't you say?
41. Christina (in green) said the following at 2:43 PM on Jun 20:
My mother defined curse words by the way we used the word.
Crap was the same as Sh**. Dang was Damn, Gosh was God, Jeeze was Jesus.
If we used any of those words in an attitude that was inappropriate, then we had our mouth washed out with soap.
F***, Gosh, and Jeeze were the 3 biggest ones, though. I think it was primarily using God's name in vain and what F*** actually means.
She got a bit lax on the others, though, probably because they CAN be used correctly and usually are.
42. Lynne said the following at 4:14 PM on Jun 20:
I've encountered this many times, and, perhaps because I'm in the South...have never had a negative reaction from someone who was sober. That being said, when my husband has gone to ask others to watch their language, I usually make eye contact, smile, and say thank you. I think it lessens the perception of it being threatening.
Now that I'm a mom, I've even acquired that special power that has allowed me to say to teenagers "watch your mouth, there are children here" with just a look
I think a lot of it comes from not looking embarrassed when you ask people, as to ask them early in the event.
Just my Southern 2 cents.
43. a sister said the following at 7:37 PM on Jun 20:
I think it's a bit situational. For my part, I would only think you might have a duty to correct the people who are cursing if you have responsibility for THEM (i.e. your minor child, your employee, kid's on the team you coach, etc). You have no duty to correct random strangers or peers on their language.
I frequently do not correct my unbelieving friend's language, not because it is OK but because there is no way for them to truly understand why cussing is wrong - to understand it as anything other than a MY rules - unless they have encountered a holy God.
I can't tell you how often they assume I'm judging them for cussing or drinking or anything they already know is wrong just because they know I'm a Christian. It is often a huge relief to them if I smile and let them know that I'm not judging them for having a beer just b/c I'm not drinking and there are much more important things I'd love to discuss with them than cleaning up their language - like the Gospel of Jesus Christ that is powerful enough to change their very desires.
Different women will feel differently about this and so will different men, but when you say that you have a duty to protect your wife and kids from hearing curse words, I get this image of your wife as this very fragile creature who isn't particularly discerning and who will be horribly contaminated by hearing F***. I have no idea what your wife is like, that's just the impression I gain when I hear you talk like that. Likewise, I gain this image of you as strong protector who won't be harmed by hearing such foul language the way she would be.
Is that really biblical? It isn't wrong to curse because a woman or child is present although it is a particular offense to cause a child to stumble. It's wrong to curse because it (1) takes the Lord's name in vain, or (2) says that God messed up when he ordered the world as he did; you don't approve.
I once recall (as a young teen) being in a car as the only woman among some men -- nice guys overall -- who were using some rough language. One of them developed a slight conscience and asked the others to be mindful of the fact that there was a lady in the car. I appreciated his consideration but I felt called to remind them that even if I were not there, there was still One who could hear their very thoughts, and it was HIS opinion with which they ought to be concerned.
I wasn't giving them permission to use bad language, I was pointing them to a higher standard -- a far better reason not to use that language than my presence. After all, is it somehow more appropriate to curse God in all male company?
44. randy said the following at 11:42 PM on Jun 20:
There is an evil part of me that hopes that George Carlin finds this blog. Then all of me would just sit back and watch...
45. Gina said the following at 9:43 AM on Jun 21:
. . . And yet, Motte, you deliberately end a sentence with a preposition? For shame, sir, for shame!
(I kid. A little. :-) )
Leigh (#4) -- she HIT him? Um, yeah, real mature way to handle that. Quite a witness. Christians hit people who say things they don't like? That's one for the old WWJD list.
46. Motte said the following at 11:38 AM on Jun 21:
Gina:
I confess that I often exploit the more relaxed conversational style of the blogosphere. Sometimes it's deliberate ... sometimes not. =)
47. Kate said the following at 3:08 PM on Jun 21:
This reminds me of the thread a month or so ago about the new Starbucks logo. The men protesting an 'obscene' logo of a mermaid said something along the lines of Starbucks had become Sl-tbucks. The logo didn't upset me, the language of the man did.
I don't particularly need a man to intervene on my behalf whenever someone curses. But any man I'm going to consider relationship material will not talk about women that way.
48. K.L. said the following at 7:17 PM on Jun 21:
Personally, I think you all are over analyzing this whole "men protecting women from profanity" thing way too much. I've always thought of it as just the polite thing for a man to do for a woman. Kind of a culturally accepted thing, perhaps. You know, kinda like when a man holds a door for a woman. Of course he knows she's fully capable of opening it herself, he's simply trying to be polite and helpful. I think this applies the same way to a woman in the presence of those speaking profanely. Obviously she either has the option of tolerating it or speaking up for herself, but personally I would have a lot of respect and admiration for a guy who was willing to do that for me.
49. Louise said the following at 6:29 AM on Jun 22:
The issue here isn't whether or not Christians are doing the swearing or whether Christians are offended by it, or whether or not men should "protect" women.
The issue is behaving respectfully to others when in public.
I think most people know better than to start disrobing in public, but our society has become so accustomed to swearing that people occasionally need a reminder than some are still offended by swear words and thus one should watch one's language in public.
I'm not "offended" by excessive swearing per se, but I find it annoying, much like an incessant car horn.
Louise
50. Adam said the following at 12:12 PM on Jun 22:
This is one issue that I've come across from several different perspectives. I've had to deal with it as a manager when an employee spouts off an expletive or two. I've been asked by people to talk to other people about swearing because they are offended. I've been places where the language gets a little too colorful for my tastes, and I have to decide what to do.
I realize that there are times when something must be done. Most of the time nothing should be done. Perhaps I'm crazy. Perhaps its just the pot calling the kettle black.
You see, as most of the readers here, I am a Christian. As a Christian, I am grateful for the freedom that I have to talk about the Word of God. There's just one problem though. It is offensive. It actually says that it is offensive to a very large group of people.
"To whom can I speak and give warning? Who will listen to me? Their ears are closed so they cannot hear. The word of the Lord is offensive to them; they find no pleasure in it." (Jer 6:10, NIV)
We can seek to impose our morality on society. Perhaps then society will return the favor. Hmmm, I wonder who will win that war.
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A few years ago, I was hired on at a shipping company for a warehouse position. More than a fair share of bad language was used on a daily basis. I chose to say nothing. About 3 months in, when I was having a particularly bad day, Mike walked up to me.
Mike was the biggest guy in our workgroup of about 25. He was also a college football player - not the type of guy you want to mess with.
He walked up to me and said, "I've been watching you, and I've noticed that you don't cuss. Why not?"
That gave me the opportunity to talk about something that would ordinarily be offensive to him - and he actually listened. Well worth hearing a few bad words for.
51. Justin T. said the following at 2:13 PM on Jun 22:
I guess college desensitized me to curses. My first semester, my roommate was an exchange student from Poland who really enjoyed dropping the F-bomb at every conversational opportunity (read: every other sentence.)
Bad language still gets under my skin a bit, but *shrugs* there are other, more important hills to die on.
I suppose I might feel differently if I had children.
52. Louise said the following at 6:07 AM on Jun 23:
Someone on here mentioned George Carlin.
He passed away this weekend.
53. Adam said the following at 9:31 AM on Jun 24:
I'm agnostic, and perusing this website because it espouses the theology with which I was raised. As someone who spends a lot of time with people who curse quite a lot, I just wanted to express that if you simply smile, act respectfully and "judge not" while asking someone to stop the cursing for the sake of your kids, only the foulest of the foul will deny your request. Almost anyone will stop it.
54. Brendan said the following at 6:41 PM on Jun 25:
My girlfriend and I have different stances on this. I never call out people for swearing (sometimes blasphemy but not swearing) unless they're Christian, but even then I'll let it slide because to me, swearing is indicative of what's going on in someone's heart. "Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." So I figure if you work on their heart the rest will follow.
My girlfriend, though...man, she'll go after you for swearing! She doesn't tolerate it anywhere and will let you know!
Which is better? I'm not sure yet. I seem to connect with people a bit better but perhaps at the expense of watering things down. She gets results, but perhaps at the expense of sounding preachy.
Brendan
http://www.zamagazine.org
55. TINA said the following at 2:53 PM on Feb 3:
Motte Brown,applause to you...your wife is a very blessed women,you care enough to defend her delicate ears..Men should take note of this..and you should write a book on how to be a Christian husband in today's world..the love you have for her is agape love..i think its awesome..and the children to.:o)