One Daughter of Feminism Discovers Motherhood
by Heather Koerner on 06/13/2008 at 10:35 AM
Rebecca Walker is 38, a writer and a mother. She's also the daughter of feminist movement leader Alice Walker (author of, among others, The Color Purple).
In a recent article, the younger Walker writes about the realities of growing up under feminism, because, she says, "I honestly believe it's time to puncture the myth and to reveal what life was really like to grow up as a child of the feminist revolution." The picture is not pretty.
Rebecca especially remembers the lessons her mother taught her about children.
"You see, my mum taught me that children enslave women. I grew up believing that children are millstones around your neck, and the idea that motherhood can make you blissfully happy is a complete fairytale. ... As a little girl, I wasn't even allowed to play with dolls or stuffed toys in case they brought out a maternal instinct. It was drummed into me that being a mother, raising children and running a home were a form of slavery."
But, in her 30's, Rebecca found the longing to be a mother incredibly intense. After having her child, Rebecca realized that her mother was wrong.
"In fact, having a child has been the most rewarding experience of my life. Far from 'enslaving' me, three-and-a-half-year-old Tenzin has opened my world. My only regret is that I discovered the joys of motherhood so late -- I have been trying for a second child for two years, but so far with no luck."
Which is why she wants other to know her story. She writes about meeting women in their 20's and 30's who are ambivalent about motherhood: "If it happens, it happens." Then she meets the women in their 40's who are devastated because they put careers before family and now have only their careers.
"Feminism has betrayed an entire generation of women into childlessness. It is devastating. But far from taking responsibility for any of this, the leaders of the women's movement close ranks against anyone who dares to question them -- as I have learned to my cost. I don't want to hurt my mother, but I cannot stay silent. I believe feminism is an experiment, and all experiments need to be assessed on their results. Then, when you see huge mistakes have been paid, you need to make alterations."
Rebecca Walker does not seem to write from a Christian's worldview. But even those who don't serve our Lord seem to recognize the deep longings of His design.
I didn't grow up with a feminist leader mother. Still, as a Christian young woman, I struggled with seeds of doubt planted by feminism. Doesn't pursuing motherhood mean giving up the "bigger" dreams? Won't I be unfulfilled? Won't I be bored to tears? What I've found is that I can truly answer each of those questions with a joyful, resounding "No."
I think that it's just like Satan to try to make us fear one of the most precious gifts God has given us. I hope, like 1 Peter encourages us, that we won't give in to the fear.
1. Louise said the following at 11:21 AM on Jun 13:
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To me it seems odd that a MOTHER would teach her child that having children "enslaves" a woman.
However, thank you for recognizing, Ms. (or do you prefer Mrs.?) Koerner that a person from a non-Christian worldview can have a valuable message.
People have the right, IMO, to decide whether or not be become parents.
However, there are some childfree forty-plus women who are not "devastated" by their decision not to become mothers.
I happen to be one of them.
That is the risk you take when you make life decisions. There is always the chance that you will regret having made that decision, so what one must do is strive to make the best decisions one can make and always be prepared to accept the realities of the decisions.
2. Louise said the following at 11:26 AM on Jun 13:
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Is Rebecca Walker married?
In this article she refers to her son's father as her "partner."
3. Anastasia said the following at 11:33 AM on Jun 13:
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I grew up in the same time.
I was afraid of motherhood. Fortunately, my husband loved children and wanted a whole tribe. God gave us three and I've never ever regretted having them in my life, no matter what else I might regret. These children have blessed me and taught me and matured me.
I've heard all the canard about career and experience. What a crock!
My youngest just turned 18 and I am now going to be able to pursue a nurse practitioner degree. Even though I've worked outside the home (for many reasons, including supporting a widowed mother), my first priority was always my children, and I've never regretted those "lost" opportunities to advance because I believe that if I did not do well as a mother, nothing else would really matter.
I'm sorry for Ms. Walker's experience. I hope she is blessed with experiencing motherhood again and again.
4. Louise said the following at 11:34 AM on Jun 13:
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For more on Rebecca Walker:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rebecca_Walker
This article describes Ms. Walker as an "American feminist" and goes on to state she is bisexual and not married to her son's father.
5. a sassy sister said the following at 11:45 AM on Jun 13:
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I agree with Rebecca Walker's assessment that children enslave you. I think what we allow to enslaves ourselves is when we take what God has individually instructed us to do and make it a mandate. It is a good thing to encourage motherhood. However, it is a totally different story when you take the choices and experiences that you have and teach that everyone should have the exact same experience. I think the issue goes deeper than simply fearing marriage and motherhood. I think the issue is about contentment, satisfaction, and fulfillment. I believe that marriage and family can bring those things, but I also don't see them as the ultimate source of my satisfaction, fulfillment, and contentment. Marriage and motherhood are gifts, but I don't look at them in and of themselves as the ultimate end goal of my life. I see them as relationships that are the means to glorify God, show God's love, and build his kingdom. In doing so, it keeps my imperfect, flawed self from placing God-sized perfect expectations on imperfect people.
6. Patrick said the following at 11:57 AM on Jun 13:
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Thanks for the post, Heather.
Also, by the same token, I think some of us guys could use the same or a similar lesson. At least speaking for myself, what's been ingrained in my mind from secular culture is that guys should just chill and relax (chillax). Have fun. Don't take things too seriously. Don't worry about being too responsible. About getting a steady job. About preparing for the future. Just let things come to you. No need to step up or take action -- or at least not too hasty an action (hasty=whatever discomforts me). Don't make too "bold" of a move in any one direction. It's best to have several different options available to you. Don't make any sort of decisions or commitments that could channel you into only one direction. Or that could narrow your choices for you. I mean, I wouldn't want to be "stuck" with a poor or bad decision, right? To be tied down too much. I want to maintain my independence, etc. (I think in the same way that women seek to guard their intimacy in relationships, men seek to guard their independence.)
But inside me is the longing and desire to have and care for and love and provide for and protect a wife and family. I think that's what I'm hard-wired for as a guy. I hope this isn't completely sexist, but there's something joyful to being able to wrap your arms around your girl (wife), knowing that you are there to protect her and take care of her and love her, that you are totally committed to her safety and security, to loving her, to guiding her, to humbly leading her, as the "weaker vessel," and that she trusts you to do no less and wants and in fact encourages you to do so much more. Rather than being unhappy and miserable being "tied down" to one woman, or not having enough "space," or whatever, I find that in "losing" my own independence and having her be dependent on me is one of the most thrilling adventures and missions in life!
7. Sarah P. said the following at 12:34 PM on Jun 13:
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May I recommend a book written a few decades ago called The Way Home: Beyond Feminism, Back to Reality? *grins at Boundless staff* This book, called by Dr. Farris from HSLDA the "pink fertility pill," helped start the homeschool movement. It was written by a former feminist who had made her husband promise when they got married that they wouldn't have any kids. In the end, they wound up with nine of them.
8. Laurie said the following at 12:36 PM on Jun 13:
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Thank you so much for this encouraging post. Lord willing I am going to get married next year and I will "only" be 20. The world is always screaming at me that I am making a mistake and that starting a family now is stupid. Sometimes I have doubts about the choices I am making but most of the time I have so much peace from the Lord. It's just when I listen to the world that I doubt myself. I believe that marriage and family is going to be a more rewarding experience than what the world would tell me to do. I believe the Lord is leading me in this direction and that this glorifies Him. He has given me a wonderful, Godly husband-to-be. Thank you for this encouraging post.
9. DannieA said the following at 12:58 PM on Jun 13:
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It's called a balanced life....
too extreme of "barefoot and pregnant" (not literally....remember Ted's little joke) and too extreme feminism..of children are evil are both bad.
A balance of thoughts in everything is always crucial.
On a different note....haven't you noticed that a lot of people try to parent differently then the way they were parented? just food for thought
10. Jessica said the following at 1:37 PM on Jun 13:
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I found this piece fascinating. I think it's such a shame when a mother plants those seeds of doubt in a young girl's mind about what it means to love your husband and children, and make her think that being a mother is "less than what she should settle for." I think that's preposterous. As the daughter of a mother who doesn't seem to care much for domesticity, it has been a burden for me to carry these seeds of doubts about what it means to be a wife and mother to precious children. God's really had to work on me about this. I feel that in some ways I still struggle with the feminist idea that motherhood is below me, considering I do not feel that I had a good example of motherhood displayed before me. If God has given a lady a calling to be a wife and mother, He will give the grace she needs to overcome ideas that have been indoctrinated in her by her mother perhaps involuntarily that domesticity is a "bad thing." I think motherhood is a blessed calling. And shame on the supposedly "godly" women who teach their daughters through word or unspoken "example" that such a calling is "unworthy," and "beneath them."
11. Lucie said the following at 3:21 PM on Jun 13:
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I have to wonder how her mother's alleged views on children affected Rebecca's self-esteem growing up - whether she saw herself as a "millstone," etc.
12. Bethany said the following at 8:02 PM on Jun 13:
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I read this on ModestlyYours and was astounded. The idea of testing the fruits of a philosophy is very valid here: feminism fails. Completely. Thanks for linking to this resource.
13. Novagirl in VA said the following at 8:03 PM on Jun 13:
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Patrick, can we clone you? I wish all guys saw it like you do!
14. Jennifer said the following at 9:20 PM on Jun 13:
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Here's a few more daughters of 2nd wave feminists who have flown the coop (from the editoral piece "Sex Should Never Rule You" by Graham Scott in the Welland Tribute)"
"Nine years ago, Wendy Shalit took American culture by storm with her book, A Return to Modesty. Feminist Katha Pollitt called her a twit. In her new book, Girls Gone Mild, Shalit tells of young women who have discovered the joy of modesty. She interviewed Sophie Pollitt-Cohen, Katha Pollitt's daughter.
Shalit reported that college student Sophie realizes that the boys' immaturity cannot be separated from the girls' willingness to provide sexual favours to those boys. Sophie rejects sexual exhibitionism even though she identifies herself as a feminist.
Shalit also interviewed Erica Jong's daughter Molly Jong-Fast. Molly tried random, guilt-free sexual encounters with strangers but found it utterly unsatisfying. Molly said it's sad that "You're not allowed to admit that [promiscuity] just doesn't work."
She said she is embarrassed by her mother's writings and remarked, "I was sold a bad bill of goods."
15. Amy P. said the following at 9:56 PM on Jun 13:
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Patrick (#6), I absolutely ADORED your post. You are definitely describing your longings as a "man" in a similar way to the way that I feel as a single woman. I'd love to re-post your comment and contrast it by modifying yours to illustrate the similiar "womanly" longings that I feel:
INNER LONGINGS/HEART'S CRY OF A MAN (Courtesy of Patrick in post #6):
<>
INNER LONGINGS/HEART'S CRY OF A WOMAN:
But inside me is the longing and desire to have and care for, love, serve, and protect a husband and family. I think that's what I'm hard-wired for as a woman. I know that God has designed me (as a woman) with the longing for the joy of being able to wrap my arms around my man (husband), knowing that you are there to serve him and take care of him and love him, that you are totally committed to his well-being both physically and emotionally, to loving him, to serving him, to nurturing him, to humbly following him and encouraging him in his role as the "head of the home," and showing him respect in such a way that he trusts you to do no less and wants and in fact encourages you to be so much more. Rather than being unhappy and miserable being "tied down" to one man, or not having enough "space," or whatever, I find that in "losing" my own independence and having him partner with me and be dependent on me will be one of the most thrilling adventures and missions in my life!
Thanks again, Patrick! Like I often say, this particular item struck a note with me and I would love to see an entire post dedicated to the above topic.
16. Becky said the following at 10:06 PM on Jun 13:
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I find it ironic that I'm reading this post in the middle of The Feminine Mystique. Especially given how much the views on my Christian college campus resembled the culture of the 1950s. Yes, motherhood is wonderful, but some women have other passions and gifts. Some may choose to combine these with family, some may choose to simply pursue their vocation. But, above all things, we are called to pursue Christ, and this includes a wise stewardship of the gifts God has given us. I'm uncertain of how this will play out in my life, but I hope that it will mean both a family and a career, filled with many opportunities to teach my children about the things I'm passionate about.
Madeleine L'Engle claimed that her children sent her back to her writing when she wasn't working, because she was horrid to be around when not writing.
I feel that I've gone off on a scattered tangent here....
Some women are meant to be fulltime Wives And Mothers. Some women have gifts and passions in other areas, and some desire and may be gifted for both. It's when a "one plan for everyone" mentality is taken towards women that problems arise.
Feminism, ideally, is the ideology that nothing should be out of reach for the woman who wants it, has the ability, and is willing to work hard. Be it motherhood or astrophysics. "Feminist" is a label I wear proudly, in expression of my passion for fighting for the dreams and rights of women around the world.
17. pass the ammunition said the following at 8:01 AM on Jun 14:
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Rebecca walker is still a feminist and founded the Third Wave Foundation, a leading feminist organization for younger women
But i think that Alice Walker is the perfect example of why all women shouldn't have children, that it isn't necessarily a "natural instinct." Women like Alice Walker shouldn't cave into societal pressures to discover their maternal instincts by having children. She sounds like a horrible mother--and I'm sure that for women like her, having a kid did "enslave" her.
Also, younger women are also unable to remember the times when having children and getting married almost literally did "enslave" you to your place in the kitchen. It didn't mean many women weren't happy there, but they still had no choice.
18. Lynne Davis said the following at 10:34 AM on Jun 14:
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#6, Patrick Your post sounds familiar to me. What you describe of what you were taught growing up is exactly why I didn't want to get married, ever!Or I should say, i didn't want to trust a guy emough to marry him. They all seemed to be irresponsible and focused only on their dreams and need.
But then, God entered my life and healed me from past hurts. As I became secure in my relationship with Christ, I met my best friend. He is now my husband. He is as you describe, he enjoys just holding me as we watch t.v., he feels responsible for me in every way and takes care of me as I never dreamed possible. he finds complete enjoyment in our time together, realizng it is not a drag to only have one woman in his life but actually freeing and interesting. God loves me through him. It surprises me how much sometimes. But I grew up thinking as a woman I should take care of myself, and never be dependent on anyone. In ministry school I actually got an attitude when instructed to do an essay on the scripture where God says it is not good for man to be alone! I wanted to argue for being alone. can't argue with scripture though. God knew what He was doing when HE instituted marriage. IT has been the most liberating thing in my life, second only to receiving Christ into my heart and freeing me from the trap of sin.
As a single mother for 18 years, I fear I have shown my daughter the wrong message. She is strong and capable, smart and independent. All great qualities. Now though, I need to explain to her the importance of allowing a man to fulfill his duties as head of household. She is currently engaged and tries to control everything, which undermines his manhood/authority and will not be good for their marriage.We need to lead by example, and I didn't have the truth years ago but am determined to show her now that I have the truth.
19. Marcel said the following at 11:48 AM on Jun 14:
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As a group, Feminists and Womanists are vulnerable to Homosexual tendencies. That should be no suprise.
It's always a choice that became lifestyle.
Romans 1:27-28
"For this reason, God delivered them to degrading passions as their females exchanged their natural sexual function for one that is unnatural. In the same way, their males also abandoned their natural sexual function toward females and burned with lust toward one another. Males committed indecent acts with males, and received within themselves the appropriate penalty for their perversion." International Standard Version (©2008)
Also see
http://www.bible.ca/s-homo-vaccine.htm
20. Ellen said the following at 1:52 PM on Jun 14:
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One of the comments above used an alarming term to describe a 40 year old woman without children: "childfree." An article on the BBC about the use of this term in Northern European countries mentioned that it is becoming increasingly more popular as the term "childless" has a 'stigma' attached to it. (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4813590.stm)
Also, it is interesting to note that the concept of being "childfree" is especially prevalent in those societies where the traditional family unit is degenerating -- countries like Sweden, Norway, Finland, Germany, etc.
Words like "childfree" have an important effect upon our culture -- they are the fruits of post-Christian, post-modern, pluralistic societal movements (movements like feminism, for example).
To think of a 40 year old, unmarried (or married, for that matter) woman who does not have children is to think of her as childless -- it does not diminish her situation to think of her thus, but it demonstrates a worldview that values children. To think of her as childfree is to think of children as undue burdens, options, accidents, even.
Let those mothers who don't have children mourn by calling themselves childless -- "pain is God's megaphone to a morally deaf world."
Let those women who never had children mourn because the Lord did not see fit to grant them children. His honor will not be impugned, and, I dare say, He will find ample opportunity to replace that mourning with joy.
Let childless women have the opportunity to steward their suffering to the glory of the Lord instead of giving them an out from their suffering with a word like "childfree."
21. Rachel said the following at 2:25 PM on Jun 14:
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My decision to become a mother rather than pursue a career actually opened up a number of very exciting career possibilities for me.
Because I spend most of my time at home with my daughter, I have been free to take on some fascinating writing assignments that I would not have had time for had I a full-time job.
When my daughter was a year old I helped edit a NYT Best Seller on my laptop at the kitchen table--and I was able to watch her take her first steps that same week. Now I blog for a very cool apologetics program while my daughter sits next to me and watches. I'm also working on a book with a former professor--again, I wouldn't be able to do that had I pursued the career I had originally planned for. Mine is probably a unique story, but my point is that motherhood--while certainly more than rewarding in its own right--need not always mean one cannot have a fulfilling career. My daughter and I have both benefited from my having both.
22. Alli said the following at 6:17 PM on Jun 14:
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Laurie (#8), I could not agree more. I am also 20 and just celebrated my first anniversary. When we were engaged I heard so many times, "You're too young to get married," and even now the occasional bold person will take it upon themselves to declare me "too young." People think you are crazy, even foolish for "wasting your youth." Personally, I don't regret getting married young, and I am happy for you. :)
I really appreciate this article Boundless. I really do.
I am about to graduate from college, and my husband and I have recently found out we are expecting our first child. I am graduating into a field that may prove difficult to move into on a part-time or at-home basis (though I certainly plan to try). At first, I was so torn at the thought of what I should do - pursue experience in that field or stay home to raise our child. Then one day I was listening to Nancy Leigh DeMoss on the radio, and she was talking with a woman who had had this same struggle. She had come to the conclusion that when it came to her children, she didn't get a do-over. This was her only chance to raise her children. And that has stuck in my mind like glue.
After a little bit of wrestling with God, I saw that my preference for my career was a pride issue - it makes me FEEL important. But I am only going to have one chance to raise this child. I will never have a chance to do it over again. I don't know what this will mean yet as far as a job goes, but I have made up my mind that I will never pursue my career at the expense of my husband and future children.
Motherhood is truly such a noble calling. My mother made it a priority, and she has impacted my brother and I not only for the rest of our lives, but in fact, for eternity! I want to carry on that legacy.
Thank you Boundless, for the encouragement.
23. Louise said the following at 1:36 PM on Jun 15:
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Here's a link to another article about the rift between the Walkers, told from the viewpoint of the younger Ms. Walker:
http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/books/article3866798.ece
In the above article, Rebecca Walker discusses how she views feminism as "an experiment" and the goals of her "Third Wave Foundation" for the new generation of young women.
After reading these articles I was left with the distinct impression that there is something more to the the Walker Family feud...I would be curious to learn Alice Walker's side of the story.
Hopefully someday Rebecca Walker will be able to share her son with her mother, since she truly appears to be enjoy him (the above referenced article gives the impression that Rebecca Walker has a healthy relationship with her father, one Mel Leventhal).
24. L.G. said the following at 8:12 PM on Jun 15:
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I consider myself a Christian feminist. I also happen to be the mother of three children who are my complete joy. But feminism is not some leftist ideology dreamed up by man-hating women. It is lived out by the masses of women who are working full-time to make ends meet, taking care of their children, and coming home to cook, clean, and help their kids with their homework. We only want to get the same opportunities as our male counterparts, and it is not easy to break the glass ceiling. By necessity, we must work harder to get less pay, but we do it because we love our children and are trying to do what is best for them, so that they may have even better opportunities than we did. My godly mother would not consider herself a feminist, but she has always worked a full-time job, and never complained. We were always her first priority. It never occurred to me that her working was somehow robbing me of something. It simply showed me that hard work at home or in a professional setting was to be expected. And it is important that my daughter know that through Christ ALL things are possible. Not just if you happen to be male. Feminism is not the antithesis of Christianity. It would be nice if those in the Christian community would remember that.
25. Heather Koerner said the following at 8:17 PM on Jun 15:
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Louise (#1),
It's very kind of you to ask. If you feel comfortable, I'd like for you to call me "Heather."
26. Louise said the following at 7:10 AM on Jun 16:
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Here's another try at that link:
http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/books/article3866798.ece
27. pass the ammunition said the following at 9:05 AM on Jun 16:
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This discussion is very interesting and very "Americentric" or has a very westernized view of motherhood. Where I am from, there is not the clear distinction between working career women and stay at home moms. In my culture working to support your family is a natural extension of your motherly duties, whether working as a lawyer or a teacher, and even if your husband makes a lot of money. A lot of these things that people assume are women's "natural" God-given roles are really specific to culture.
28. Louise said the following at 11:49 AM on Jun 16:
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Comment 27, where are you from?
29. Karisa said the following at 12:46 PM on Jun 16:
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I am 21 and my husband and I are celebrating our 2nd anniversary in a few short weeks. We were so set against children for SO LONG. We wanted to wait 5-6 years at least but on our first anniversary (to the date) we conceived our son who is 2 months old on Thursday. Oh my goodness, is he a blessing! My husband and I don't know how we ever lived without him. Being a parent is the most amazing most rewarding job. What a joy! Now we want a lot of them :) Here is a very encouraging message to those who are skeptical about children or like Ali and Laurie are getting married or got married young. Its by Voddie Bauchem who also had an experience with people against children in the church!
http://www.voddiebaucham.org/vbm/Podcast/Entries/2008/1/7_Multigenerational_Promise.html
It begins with Jeremiah 29:11 but as it goes on it talks about his opinion on children! Enjoy this message! It convicted my husband and I..I think I cried bunch of times :)
30. Karisa said the following at 12:54 PM on Jun 16:
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Oh and might I add that the Bible does command and mentions to "Be fruitful and multiply" all over Genesis, Jeremiah and Ezekiel. I agree...children are "a fruit of the womb" and and "blessing from God"
It drives me nuts when people say they don't want them...they have a right to their opinion but I feel like its such a sad blessing to miss out on! You will never know until you have them :)
31. Louise said the following at 1:25 PM on Jun 16:
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Quote from comment 30:
"You will never know until you have them :)"
And apparently Alice Walker's experience with parenthood didn't end with a smile!
32. Saidah said the following at 1:52 PM on Jun 16:
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um, girls, somone really needs to figure out whether or not Patrick's married. if not, uh, clue phone; he's a keeper... = P
33. BDB said the following at 2:08 PM on Jun 16:
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Becky (#16) wrote:
>>"Feminist" is a label I wear proudly, in expression of my passion for fighting for the dreams and rights of women around the world.<<
This thought reminds me of what people mentioned when I was taking human rights courses. They described how, on the International stage, Americans were busy trying to eliminate any kind of laws or regulations that treated women differently. Meanwhile, women activists in developing nations were trying to get laws passed so that women couldn't be forced to work in a chemical factory while pregnant...
34. BDB said the following at 2:16 PM on Jun 16:
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Rachel (#21) wrote:
>>Mine is probably a unique story, but my point is that motherhood--while certainly more than rewarding in its own right--need not always mean one cannot have a fulfilling career.<<
Nope - not unique. I know the woman who edits books for an authori of best-selling financial books for women. (The author's lawyer and agent both like her.) But unlike the author, she's a mom first, and edits part-time. Gotta love English degrees!
35. Saidah said the following at 2:16 PM on Jun 16:
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Karisa, way to go! I was totally about to suggest EVERYONE go check out Vodie Baucham. He is amazing. He came to my college chapel and left everyone pretty floored. I think a good quarter of the kids in the room were glancing nervously across the room at the person they planned to marry after graduation and have 2.5 kids with, but not before they had been established in their careers for at least 2-3 years... lol. The fact of the matter is God created marriage for sex and sex for babies.... and he never created birth control. I'm not about to go on and on about birth control (I've taken it), but really, are you really going to tell God every Sunday, "hey, thanks for marriage, and thanks for the sex, but no thanks on the baby; I've got a career to keep up...." I mean, really, I don't think anyone who's HAD a baby would ever go, "oh, you know I don't think motherhood was for me... this was a mistake." The last person who I heard say that was on their way to a mental hospital. Literally. And to those of you who are convinced that God didn't intend for you to have children (especially those of you who aren't barren and are married), I have one question; have you (really) prayed about that? Is this what He said, or what you said?
36. BDB said the following at 2:22 PM on Jun 16:
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Incidently, certain fields, such as allied health are full of mothers working part time. Most doctors of optometry and doctors of audiology are women. They choose the field because they can use the scientific part of their brain, take care of patients, and the entire field has evolved into part-time work schedules and job sharing for anyone who wants it. My sister deliberately chose to become a doctor of audiology because it was compatible with motherhood.
37. Louise said the following at 2:23 PM on Jun 16:
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The exact title of Rebecca Walker's latest book is "Baby Love: Choosing Motherhood After A Lifetime Of Ambivalence."
Note Ms. Walker's use of the word CHOOSING.
I think that says it all.
Louise
38. Chris said the following at 4:38 PM on Jun 16:
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Marcel writes:
As a group, Feminists and Womanists are vulnerable to Homosexual tendencies. That should be no suprise.
It's always a choice that became lifestyle.
Very interesting claim. I wonder where you got it. I could argue that you're seeing the reverse: lesbians and bisexual women tend to be feminists for obvious reasons.
I could also argue that your unsubstantiated claim is utterly wrong with my own unsubstantiated claim. Almost all my female friends are "feminists"...and they're all married (to men!) with children (of their own!).
39. pass the ammunition said the following at 5:17 PM on Jun 16:
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I'm from Nigeria. Almost all the women I know worked in Nigeria, and only became stay at home mothers in America due to the American workplace being very incompatible to having any kind of life outside work. In America there is also very little community support--you can't just leave your kids for free at the neighbors, or your cousin's house down the street while you go work at the bank the way my mother was able to do. The stay at home wives that I knew of were younger trophy wives that older men married. My grandparents who are very traditional (my grandparents have had separate bedrooms for 30 years) still get on my mother's back for not working.
My mother gave up her career as a teacher to stay at home after we moved to the States. I always thought she was happy to do this, and was an amazing mother, always baking cookies, making dinner, and shuttling my siblings and I to and from our activities and raising us in the way of the Lord. She's now 47 and we had a very deep conversation where she revealed to me that she's just now realizing how much she regrets not working all those years and she's not sure it was worth it. Lesson: for those of you adult women like me who idealized your childhood and how happy your mothers were being homemakers--actually go back and ask. The answer might surprise you.
40. Louise said the following at 8:29 PM on Jun 16:
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Comment 38, thank you.
I consider myself to be a feminist but I couldn't turn gay if the Higher Power Himself came down from the sky and personally commanded me to do so!
Comment 39, thank you for the information. I found it most interesting.
I am 42, BTW.
:)
41. mother of four said the following at 9:13 PM on Jun 16:
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I am impressed with the articulate arguments I have read here. However, I believe I have scanned them all, and have not seen one very obvious point made: the expression of your talents, passions, gifts and education is crucial in your home... not just in the context of outside employment. Let's be honest, ladies. Where do you think smart kids come from? Smart parents. And what level of education does a day care "teacher" have? Is the college nanny going to teach my child where Zanzibar is?? Or give precise, daily examples of what each of the nine fruits of the Spirit LOOKS like, lived out in human form...?? The arguments here for women working have been very "we" focused... how we should fulfill our God-given gifts by showing our children work ethic. Facts remain, though... no one, not even tired grandmas, can put the energy, passion, education, intelligence, creativity, and godly wisdom into your child that you can. There is simply no substitute. Yes, I use my Masters of Science degree... and my kids are smart. I'll get money for it later.
42. Christina (in green) said the following at 8:32 AM on Jun 17:
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Interesting points, Pass the Ammunition...
Mother of Four had a good point to.
When I study history, I learn that motherhood and working DID go hand in hand, much the way PA states it does. I wouldn't think being a lawyer would actually work in that way, but owning a store, teaching, helping the husband with his work, whether its out in the fields or being his accountant and book keeper. Working could be done with your children close by, even having your children help as they get older.
That's also what helped make children an investment. They made working easier. No longer did the husband have to spend all his time at the counter of the general store, but occasionally, he could leave his daughter or son in charge while he went to run other errands. No longer do you need to hire a shop boy to sweep your floors, but your daughter or son can help keep the store tidy.
PA is right, that America isn't so conducive to children being in the workplace anymore. Which would actually explain this trend for businesses to start allowing parents to bring their infants to work. Not that I think that's a good idea =p
However, a lot of the people that advocate for working seem to think that working is the higher calling. When you have children, your primary responsibility becomes the child. Its not like God said, here's a baby but I still want you to focus on helping the downtrodden with their trial cases. Considering the author of life is the one that can place a baby in your womb or not, I'd say that once that baby is there, that's a direct order - THIS is your primary responsibility now.
I don't intend to be idle or unproductive when I am a "SAHM". Yeah, my children and husband will be my primary responsibility. And I will choose a lucrative way to use my talents and gifts that doesn't compromise that primary responsibility. Whether its helping my husband establish his own business and work as his secretary/accountant/bookkeeper or start my own business of selling goods that I make with my own hands, designing computer programs to help me track my orders, accounts, and schedules, and using my mathematical skills in investing my money and improving financial management skills to make my business MORE lucrative.
All of which I can do without putting my children 2nd. Without having to report to a boss that says I need to stay late to meet this deadline when I still have dinner to make and children to read stories to, listen to their day, and kiss them goodnight.
43. nancy said the following at 9:10 AM on Jun 17:
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I relate..I was not btought up by a feminist, but by a non believing momther who had a horrible, abusive marraige. There was a code of silence that marriage was mad. Even though my mom was non veerbal, the negativity of anything that had to deal with marriage was wrong.
It was always bittersweet, as I did loved my mom. I never married, am 46 and would love to have a husband, and if he has kids, the better!
44. Kellie said the following at 9:54 AM on Jun 17:
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Do SAHMs and those that love them really feel the world against them? Perhaps that was the case in the 1960s when women really began to enter the workforce, but now I think either working or staying home is perfectly acceptable. And Boundless can promote SAHMs till they are blue in the face, it doesn't change the fact that some of us are going to be working moms. For many it's work or raise a family in near poverty.
45. lewsta said the following at 12:12 PM on Jun 17:
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This whole "feminism" bit could only arise in a culture that was already fragmented. the comments from the Lady raised in Nigeria are key-- we see things here from a very western perspective that is neither long-standing nor in the majority. But consider how "progress" has taken the providers OUT of the home, and shattered the millennia-long tradition of home as social, spiritual, and economic centre of life. Read a bit between the lines of Proverbs 31, and tell me whether this woman could have done as she did in 21st century suburban America. I say not. We have zoning laws that prohibit outright, or seriously restrict, what a family can do at home to provide for themselves, and this over against the sunday school image of Jesus learning His trade at Joseph's elbow, at the workshop in back of the house. We have laws prohibiting children doing any significant "work", even in a home business. How can a young child learn the skills they need to make it on their own as adults under these circumstances? Right, they mainly don't. Or what about children under mandatory sentences of daily school attendance? Even homeschooling in most places must be documented, have content requirements, and so forth. All this mitigates against the pattern of home and family shown in scriptures, and practiced until perhaps a hundred fifty years ago. What is worse, within this pattern is the sure setting for Mums to be "trapped" at home, Dad off at the office/factory, separated from his family much of the day, and children off in school, also separated from parents. Mum's "calling" then devolves into that of nanny/charlady, the littlest ones at home with her, the others requiring endless shuttling after their daily sentence is served at school.
In the face of this, the revolution of "homeschooling" comes with real options presented, success stories of those who've opted out of the "trap" of "life as normal post-industrial revolution". The feminist movement, as such, was a backlash to much that was very wrong in our society. Their failure lies in that their solution was equally wrong. Rather than restoring the godly model of family as social/spiritual/economic centre, the feminists created a "separate but equal" myth, and sought to universalise it. Of course, they've failed. A new cultural revolution is needed, and will surely come, as godly families arise and cast off the shackles, not of "male chauvinism" and "enslavement", but of a system of economic and moral slavery pervading our entire culture, and arising directly from the godless propositions of Darwinist evolution. Think this is berko? You've not read the roots of feminist movement, mandatory and universal state education, Freudian psychoanalisis, secular humanism, communism, "government as saviour", or the present homosexual movement. The Walkers, mother and daughter, have shot very wide of the mark. But there are those getting much closer to it. Knowing the Author of the whole story, I know which will prevail. But we've a ways to walk before we're "out of the woods" on this one.
46. lewsta said the following at 12:30 PM on Jun 17:
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Thanks, Patrick, for your transparency. I completely relate, and agree. Trouble is, with the corruption brought into our culture by the radical feminist movement, and not having had a scripturally accurate upbringing early on, I have to say my own ideas and values as to what a proper marriage, and choice of a wife, are was also corrupted. After a few close calls (which I view now as God's mercy in my life, preventing sure disaster) I believe I now am about as prepared for a godly marriage as can be. The harsh reality I am finding, however, is that not yet married women (generally) are either very young, (certainly old and mature enough to marry, and well, but only open to men very near their own age and experience), and those who have put off marriage so long they are no longer interested, or have some very strange and unbiblical ideas of what marriage should be. And so, thus far, the fact that it took me a while to "get it" seems to preclude finding the sort of relationship you describe. Good job I know and serve the One who is utterly faithful, and who is not only sovereign but ONLY does good things. Else the only viable options would be to turn hermit (what was that bit about not being good for him to be alone?) or to totally cast off restraint and live in the "sex and the city" culture. Neither would satisfy.... nor should they. I did find some of the responses to your post quite interesting: seems we of this persuasion are a scarce commodity. Or at the least, the women who claim to desire such seem to think so!
47. Kellie said the following at 7:21 PM on Jun 17:
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Also, the original feminism was not a bad thing at all. Thanks to early feminists, women have the right to vote and have equal rights with men. I hope Boundless does not see that as a bad thing....
48. T said the following at 11:24 AM on Jun 18:
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I find it a bit disconcerting when the Christian community makes blanket statements about feminism such as they are all lesbians (as one earlier poster states) or that a woman wanting equality is acting contrary to her “role” as woman. Does not anyone read Genesis anymore? When did the Christian community become so focused on the appearance of holiness that we forget what God’s original intent for man kind was? God did not create Eve to be an unequal partner but a helper. Therefore, I can only deduce that it is not God’s original plan for His daughters to be treated as less (ex: being paid less for a job, discriminated against, etc) simply because they are women. If the original feminist movement purported to correct this injustice why cannot we simply accept that feminism in its unadulterated state is noble? Sin can twist and pervert any good thing into something worldly. Sex is a beautiful expression between a married couple but it has been divorced from its original intent and perverted (outside marriage that is) by sin.
Women are called to co-labor with their husbands to serve God, their families, their church, and wider community. “Co-laboring” can be expressed in a variety of ways. For example, whether a woman chooses to remain at home or enter the workplace ought to be the decision of her and her husband. What is best for the family to function in a healthy and Christ glorifying way may mean a woman ought to work outside the home; or, it may mean a woman ought to work within the confines of the home. Regardless, as long as a family seeks first God’s will for their lives, what does it matter what the wider Christian community thinks?
Let us not forget the Christ came to bridge what sin has broken and that in Christ we operate as a man and woman ought to in a prelapsarian sense.
49. Andrew said the following at 8:54 AM on Aug 10:
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To Novagirl per blog entry 13...there are far more guys like Patrick out there than are visible, with most married already. There rest remain invisible for good reason.