Flee Sexual Immorality (Sex and the City, That Includes You)
by Suzanne Hadley on 06/06/2008 at 9:35 AM
Recently I wrote an article about world-friendliness. In it, I talked about how my media choices don't always line up with my beliefs. Honestly, sometimes shows that promote values vastly different from mine seem pretty attractive. In discussing this disconnect, I gave the example of a professing Christian who openly raved about "Sex and the City" being her favorite show. Something seemed amiss.
Then yesterday I read an overall positive review of the movie Sex and the City ... on Christianity Today. Author Camerin Courtney is up front that "hedonism abounds" and calls the show "randy," but she seems to be looking for redemption in the wrong place. She writes:
Most of the few Christian voices speaking to the growing single segment of the population offer ten easy steps to find our soulmate. As if it's that wondrously simple. Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda, however, show how challenging it really can be for intelligent, accomplished, and admittedly neurotic women to find lasting love. They, unlike many Christians, don't insult my intelligence. Instead they speak to the complexities of relationships in a postmodern age—addressing baby lust, the mommy wars, sexual temptation, dating outside your "class," commitment-phobia, the reluctant desire to be rescued by a man, and the simultaneous fear that you'll lose your own hard-won identity in the process.
While we may have a few things in common — we're single and we like shoes — these women are hardly role models to help me to navigate my singleness. In fact, they are living their TV lives in a way that opposes God. If anything, they are a cautionary tale. On her blog, Carolyn McCulley writes:
I do think that churches by and large have camped out on the "just say no" message for so long that we've obscured clear, biblically-grounded messages on sexuality.
But I don't think watching "Sex and the City" is either helpful for obtaining this clarity or God-honoring. And I think it is particularly unhelpful for single Christians. I can relate to the frustration that Camerin expresses when she writes: "And, like the TV series, the film offers much that will resonate with singles—and yes, even Christians—who see themselves not just as a demographic in a Barna poll but as sexual beings who wrestle with balancing loneliness and a desire for romantic love with a commitment to purity and platitudes like 'true love waits.' (And waits. And waits.)"
Girl, I hear you on the waiting. I know all about that. But I fail to understand how filling one's eyes and mind with depictions of sexual sin makes it any easier to wait. In fact, I think it has a direct correlation on why so many are still waiting for marriage. Monogamous commitment to one flesh-and-blood person is hard to initiate or maintain with the visual feast of flesh that we so casually accept.
And there's the crux: "the visual feast of flesh that we so casually accept." This kind of world-friendliness carries consequences — the biggest one being is sets us in opposition to God. Dealing with an over-sexed Corinthian culture, Paul wrote: "Flee from sexual immorality." And he wasn't only instructing us to flee the actual act. After all, Jesus said: "Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart"
I'm disappointed with CT's casual acceptance of a movie that is so far from biblical values. I hope for better in the future.
1. DannieA said the following at 10:23 AM on Jun 6
Yes I agree....
I also however, would like to throw out there, that very rarely do people in the Church or in Christian blogs such as this one wrestles honestly with the complexities revolving single women who are trying to seek God in everyday life.
There are plenty of articles on finding a mate, not prolonging marriage, stating ever so bluntly on biological clocks and after a certain age it's harder to conceive.
I believe women that are a little older and still single know all that, we do need however, more encouragement and to be quite frank praise for striving to live Godly lives even in our single years.
Keeping it honest, if my self-esteem were dependent on this blog...It would be at an all time low since I just turned 30 last week and am still single. Luckily I know where my worth and self-esteem comes from so I can read these articles objectively and apply the good and make up my mind about the rest.
In the future, maybe this controversy over the show and the movie may actually help the bloggers to keep in mind grace, sensitivity, encouragement, and praise for all.
Thanks...interesting post...good for discussion
2. Tami said the following at 10:33 AM on Jun 6
For anyone concerned by this: Might I suggest a thoughtfully written letter to the Christianity Today Movies editor? I stress "thoughtfully" -- that is, not with your keyboard set on "blast." :)
I think we are right to be concerned, and we should let them know of our concern. Not out of vindictiveness or judgmentalism, but out of love.
3. Tami said the following at 10:35 AM on Jun 6
Kind of funny aside: this morning, I read about Lot and the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis 19). Talk about "Sex and the City"...
I hope we don't have to be dragged out of complacency in the same way that Lot was dragged out of Sodom and Gomorrah.
4. obewan said the following at 10:58 AM on Jun 6
I don't plan to see the movie myself, but I have to ask the age-old question: Does the media mirror society, or does society mirror the media? If the first, then the movie is just a depiction of reality. The same criticisms could be leveled at the Seinfeld sit coms which came at a time when being 30ish and single was not always considered the normal demographic. After the series, we began hearing a lot more about the "large" segment of society that lives the frustrating single life.
5. Zach Thompson said the following at 11:03 AM on Jun 6
Thank for speaking out against this show. Many of my Christian homeschooled friends name it as one of their favorites. Last week the secondary headline in our local paper was "Sex & the Star City"! UGHHH!
Trying to Flee Youthful Lusts,
Zach
6. Lance said the following at 11:03 AM on Jun 6
Thanks for the article Suzanne. I find way too many girls list this as one of the favorite tv shows on Facebook. These are all supposed to be Christian girls but who's confronting them on this?
It's funny, I'm reminded of why I stopped watching Friends. It was a few seasons into the show. The lying and the sex were what turned me off. There was no consequences to either and it made me think why was I wasting my time on this. That was first time I took a stand on what I saw on tv, I've done the same with movies.
It's disappointing that CT wrote the review they did but then again eHarmony posted "How to navigate the one-night stand" on their site.
7. Cassandra said the following at 11:06 AM on Jun 6
... how can something titled "Sex in the City" be considered even a remotely acceptable choice for a Christian to be watching?? I was quite perturbed to hear they were making a movie of it, but I thought surely christians would be wise enough to steer clear. That a respected christian publication is looking for "redeeming qualities" in such a movie is outright upsetting.
I've been privy to a few segments of the show, and I was disgusted. They were all pretty much alike. The show is basically the saga of their sexual exploits with a heavy side of materialism. The characters' banter and witticisms might be catchy, but the Bible tells us more than once not to be taken in by such things.
I believe in looking for redeeming qualities in people. After all, beneath all the sin, they are still God's children. However, a movie isn't a person; it is a form of entertainment, and we are not commanded to redeem movies. We need to be discerning-- discerning enough to know that a show (or movies) that is blatantly based on sex is not appropriate.
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." Phil 4:8
8. Quizno said the following at 11:08 AM on Jun 6
In fact, "Sex and the City" is not really about single women anyway. It's about the life of urban male homosexuals. But recognizing that even today's society would not accept a show about homosexual men talking about their promiscuous sex lives, the gay writers and producers just made the characters female.
Just google "sex and the city" AND "gay writers" and see how many hits you get.
The most insightful comment on this was by, of all "people," a cartoon character, Marge Simpson, who said, ""That's the show about four women acting like gay guys."
9. PLH said the following at 11:16 AM on Jun 6
I agree with the concerns but also think the writer in Christianity Today as a number of valid points. Most Christian churches don't address older female singles or celebrate them at all. Sex and the City is one of the few shows that is told from the single women's perspective. It also focuses on female friendships in a way few shows do. INterestingly, my friend and I talked about the show after seeing it and thought that non Christian women often have strong relationships than Christian women because the church pushes women so strongly to marry. This isn't necessarily wrong but single women are such a neglected segment by the church. The popularity of Sex and the City should be a wake up call to Christians about this issue.
10. John D. said the following at 11:36 AM on Jun 6
The media certainly hyped this particular film in recent weeks, to the point that it was hard to avoid, even for someone like me who never watched the original program.
This world is not a friend to grace, to lead us on to God. I trust everyone knows that by now.
It's a pity that Christianity Today had to give the movie some ink. The secular media is doing enough to keep Carrie, et al front and center in our brains without help from the Christian media.
PS DannieA: 30 is the new 25.
11. Courtney said the following at 11:40 AM on Jun 6
I am actually very happy that Camerin wrote the review that she did. Maybe this will wake up churches and Christian media to the fact that if we are over 30 and still single -- we need more that just - "stay pure". Things like Sex and the City are, unfortunately, the only place were single,professional women are shown. Everything else seems to be you are single until your early twenties and then you get married and have babies. What about the people that that did not happen to? We don't hear anything about what do to in church. We don't see anything in tv or movies. Instead, we have to search out things on are own for books like Lady in Waiting, If Men are like Buses How Do I Catch One. I most recently discovered, thanks to this website, Get Married which is one of, by far, the best books I have ever read for us older singles.
Sorry to have rambled on - but I am very happy that people are starting to care about the single, 30something Christian
12. Helkias said the following at 11:59 AM on Jun 6
I'm surprised at the glowing review by Camerin as well, and disappointed because of the casual attitude to the sexual immorality. Whatever way the church has failed singles, does not justify immorality. By endorsing such worldviews, not only puts one at odds with God who is holy and demands holiness of us, but also means we're willing to accept the convenient or sinful for the best. The wait for marriage as a singleton may be arduous but it is better than the whirlwind one reaps from unrestrained sexual appetite.
13. cn said the following at 12:05 PM on Jun 6
The difficulty with media choices isn't just a issue of content, but also quality. When a show of poor content from a Christian world view has well developed characters and stories its easy to want to overlook the worldly nature in order to watch something of quality production.
Recently the Lord convicted me to stop watching one of my favorite TV dramas because the content was becoming more and more sexually driven. It was hard to let go because this show has had a history of being incredibly well written, but overtime as the producers and writers began using more sexually explicit story lines, I noticed that the written quality was becoming less artistically mature... although still more thoroughly thought through than most of what is on TV or in the theaters today.
Producers can draw an audience in through exploiting sex without the necessity of creativity. If the sexual element is kept at a minimum or even eliminated, as artists we have to work through our skills a little harder to develop something of rigor and depth. This is good for us as a society, and a place where as believers, we should be leaders. As we further our relationships with the Lord, we should pursue excellence in whatever creative media He has called us to serve Him through. As an architect and artist, I bring glory to the Lord by thinking creatively about my work and pursuing the best quality projects possible. I have a responsibility to learn my field well, and execute it to the best of my abilities. My work should not only be about about expressing my emotions or thoughts, but also executing my skills with paint, graphite, color theory, line weight, space and form, digital rendering, model making, and construction methodology the best that I can.
When it comes to media selection, we should do so prayerfully, we should allow others to speak into our lives about our choices, and we should offer critique to what the world finds acceptable in the public sphere. I would also venture to say that we should get out there and do good work. We should be in Hollywood writing scripts, submitting films to the Sundance Film Festival, acting, entering into the indie music scene on a grass roots level, engaging in discussion with contemporary visual artists, and we should produce quality work in the process.
As we counter the world with words, lets also counter the world with actions(see 1 John 3:18). Create strong art infused with God's love and grace, and do it well to His Glory.
14. Lana said the following at 12:09 PM on Jun 6
The name of the show is "sex AND the city" not "IN", because the show is about relationships and nyc.
As Christians, we should be impacting our culture - and in the process, not be irrelevant.
At what point is sin on TV "too much"that you turn off a show, and how do you measure that kind of thing?
If a show is upfront about its content, and questions and seeks as part of its agenda, is it more honest than a show that is not upfront?
Maybe Christian males and females watch it because these things are not being discussed elsewhere by the Christian community.
Except maybe by this guy: www.syrogers.com
15. PLH said the following at 12:16 PM on Jun 6
Cassandra, the movie is not about their sexual exploits. The show may have been about their relationships at first but the characters all have one boyfriend, hsuband, etc during the movie...and have for a while on the show....
16. Melanie said the following at 12:44 PM on Jun 6
Somehow I'm not surprised. In a recent issue of Christian Single, they recommended a book that I happened to know had instances of disturbing sexual content. I immediately wrote the editor and never heard back. Either I hit their spam filter for my outline of my problems with the book, or they really don't want accountability from their audience.
Christian media outlets absolutely have a responsibility to their audience, and I've found time and again that they eventually drift closer to the mainstream in the name of "relevance". That's part of why I find Boundless so refreshing- no sugarcoating.
17. Elizabeth said the following at 1:11 PM on Jun 6
I totally agree that Sex and the City seems like a weird thing for a Christian to announce that they watch but could you please STOP making references to Hannah Montana. She is a 15 year old girl who is tempted with sin just like the rest of us, but putting her sins on display seems like a foolish thing to be doing as Christians.
18. Cassandra said the following at 1:27 PM on Jun 6
PLH-- Sexual exploits was probably a wrongly chosen term. Lack of sleep affecting me there, I suppose. I apologize for the confusion.
However, more than once I've walked into the room when others were watching to hear characters literally describing a sexual encounter, and at least once, it was compared to encounters with other men. I was disgusted. It wasn't quite pornographic, but it was discussed more than frankly, in a manner that reduced men to objects, things to be conquered, rather than as people.
That is what I was getting at by my misapplied wording. Perhaps sexual conquests would be a bit more precise.
I am aware that the show is merely reflecting the views rising in our culture (while of course amplifying them, as tv is wont to do) but my point is that it is like the bad tree. A show that is so rooted in sex that it needs to include it in the title is going to bring forth bad fruit. Even if secular viewers aren't aware or aren't bothered, christians should be, and christian publications need to be especially careful. The article is in a sense saying, "well, its bad fruit, but if you just eat around the moldy rotten parts, you can get a few bites..."
19. Lee said the following at 1:46 PM on Jun 6
I am going to see the movie tomorrow, and have watched most of the shows. And I will say that I agree with the Camerin's review at least in terms of how I view the show. Yes, there were some episodes that I turned away from in disgust. But, I have also cheered for the episodes where the women are celebrating their friendship and related to some of the questions a single woman faces.
I am a late 20 something single woman. I've never kissed a guy let alone jumped into bed with random men. This show has actually opened doors for me to talk about my views on singleness and relationships with some of my non-Christian female friends.
By no means do I agree with or condone some of the acts that these characters engage in. But I appreciate the questions wrestled with by these single women.
20. JulieBell said the following at 2:07 PM on Jun 6
I agree we need to be careful about what we expose ourselves to, but I agree with other posters that there are some deeper issues at work here.
I really do feel like the church has done a poor job of reaching young single women where they are. I am 25. I don't have a boyfriend. I do want one, and I do want to get married and start a family as soon as I can. Articles about how my biological clock is ticking only make me feel panicked and defective.
Thus I think there is a point at which women start turning to worldy sources to find affirmation in their singleness. God does call some of us to a life of celibacy, but regardless of His plan for us, I think we could all do with some more articles resources that talk about making the most of this time God has set aside for us as singles.
I'm not justifying Christians watching SATC, or any other raunchy media, simply stating that many of us aren't single for lack of trying, and sometimes the world acknowleges that far better than the church.
21. DannieA said the following at 2:10 PM on Jun 6
John D. Oh thanks for that...I'm not worried, I don't pine away because of my age. In fact, I was just told I don't look 30....LOL
22. DannieA said the following at 2:20 PM on Jun 6
exactly my point JulieBell
23. DannieA said the following at 2:32 PM on Jun 6
On thing though Suzanne....do you think the discussion starter questions at the end (minus the fact that you would see the movie to answer them) are relevant?
I thought they were good questions for discussion....only negative (positive) is, that I haven't watched the show nor the movie so I'd need different scenarios to answer the questiosn.
24. N from Alberta Canada said the following at 2:59 PM on Jun 6
Firstly, let us remember...we are thinking people...with the ability to put movies like Sex In The City in perspective. Yes, it is in direct contravention of our beliefs but so are many of the things we see daily, right? Why pick on CT's article?
Has anyone read ScrewTape Letters? The content is in direct opposition to living a God honoring life, to growing in our relationship with Jesus...right? So does that mean we shouldn't be reading it?
Part of growing in your faith, at least for me, is looking at things in direct opposition to it and deepening my faith as a result. Besides you don't need Sex In The City to instruct a Christian to live common-law and without marriage...many people who claim to be believers and attend Church...can't seem to committ to marriage...and to me that's worse than living a Christian life in all respects but seeing Sex In The City then writing an article about it...
25. Lana said the following at 3:40 PM on Jun 6
Just one more thing, too. You say this at the end:
I'm disappointed with CT's casual acceptance of a movie that is so far from biblical values. I hope for better in the future.
The way I see it, NO movies coming out of Hollywood - even out of Emeryville (Pixar) - are advocates of biblical values.
I have no plans to watch the SATC movie, because it causes me to struggle in certain ways. But to be honest, when I watched the shows in the past, it made me very thankful that as a single Christian, I didn't have to deal with the drama of multiple intimate relationships, and could see God's wisdom in His command.
On the whole, what really offends me about SATC is the utter lack of reality of it all. There is no way women could sleep around like that without it really doing some serious emotional damage. It glorifies fiction and what lonely hearts long to hear as truth: that you can have fulfilling intimate encounters apart from marriage.
There is very little mention of the high, high and very real risk of STDs.
And there is no way NO WAY that Carrie would be able to afford all those shoes on a writer's salary. That perpetuates a whole 'nother set of problems in our society, and ones that Christian females fall more readily into than those of a sexual nature, I'd wager.
26. Lana said the following at 3:46 PM on Jun 6
my computer messed up earlier, so this didn't get posted but FYI:
Sodom and Gomorrah weren't destroyed because of their sexual sin. They were destroyed because they had great wealth and God-given blessings and they did not take care of the poor and needy around them. They were apathetic.
27. Kellie said the following at 5:33 PM on Jun 6
I've never watched "Sex and the City" and never intend to. However, I did read the article in CT and I think the author has a point. Sometimes Christians (including this publication) tend to simplify the idea of married vs. single and family life in general. If I wasn't married, I would find reading Boundless very depressing these days. As it is, as a soon-to-be working mom, I question whether I should continue to read Boundless, as I know a working mom is high on the sin list here. I think the author of the CT was just saying that it was nice to have life protrayed as kind of messy and complicated and that perhaps it would be nice to have more Christians do the same.
28. BDB said the following at 6:01 PM on Jun 6
cn (#13) wrote:
>>Recently the Lord convicted me to stop watching one of my favorite TV dramas because the content was becoming more and more sexually driven. <<
Um...was that show on Thursday nights by any chance?
29. Kathryn said the following at 6:16 PM on Jun 6
I saw the movie on Thursday with a close girl friend of mine. We were shopping and discussing clothes, which brought us to discuss the movie. Both of us wanted to see it for the clothes and fashion and girly fun.
However, there was a sex scene every 20 minutes. Now, I can handle a dimly lit, fuzzy camera angled sex scene once in a movie. I cannot handle brightly lit, big sound effects and close ups of various bits. I highly recommend NOT seeing the film, despite whatever redeeming qualities it has. My friend and I spent a good amount of time going "argh!" and turning our eyes away from the very big screen in front of us.
30. J. said the following at 7:11 PM on Jun 6
I, along with several of my single female Christian friends, was a fan of Sex and the City, too (the TV show; I have not seen the movie). I couldn't relate to the characters' promiscuity or expensive lifestyles, but as far as depicting how hard it is to be a 30+ single woman goes the show usually hit the nail on the head. Those who wrote above that the show addressed concerns of older single women that the church has preferred to ignore are exactly right. The show acknowledged, just to name a few things, that dating for years on end was exhausting (Charlotte), that attending a dinner party solo where all the other guests were smug marrieds was excruciating (Carrie), and that buying a home and ordering takeout solo felt lonely (Miranda). Single Christian women can relate to these experiences just as well as single secular women can.
Let me be clear: I never agreed with the characters' values and actions and did not let them influence mine (i.e., the show didn't cause me to stumble). But I did enjoy watching it because it occasionally validated the struggles I was having with singleness. I took the bad with the good. (I acknowledge, however, that watching Sex and the City probably isn't good for some Christians if it would cause them to stumble.)
31. S said the following at 9:02 PM on Jun 6
J. - I totally agree with your comments.
Kellie - You're right on.
The frustrating thing for me as a 30+ single Christian woman is that people don't realize that my sole identity is not wrapped up in whether I check single or married box. In Christian circles, being married is the norm and singles can feel (literally) like the odd man/woman out. Shows like Sex and the City, Friends, etc. depicted singles as the norm.
32. Christy said the following at 12:11 AM on Jun 7
what television shows do you enjoy watching, Suzanne?
33. PLH said the following at 6:38 AM on Jun 7
J. (30), I agree. While the show clearly is not told from a Christian perspective, a times I can relate to how the characters express their loneliness or frustration at being single.
34. Naomi said the following at 8:08 AM on Jun 7
Gee... I was disappointed with the Christianity Today review.
Let's not be naive here. The whole world knows what the movie is all about. Christians should already know what the movie is all about.
In case some Christians don't, the movie shows graphic scenes of sex and nudity. The reviewer at Christianity Today even says the scenes were unnecessary!! This is no art film!
The world expects Christians not to accept it as "gospel truth" on singleness and looking for love. (Pun intended.)
Yet here is a Christian single writer advocating something the world already expects us to shun.
Looks like compromise to me!
35. Liz said the following at 10:55 AM on Jun 7
Hi Suzanne,
I can understand your concerns but I hope that you have contacted Camerin personally rather simply posting your objections on this blog. If not, otherwise, how is what is happening on this blog different from gossiping and cutting a fellow sister down about her view points. We must be careful to speak the truth but in love.
36. Liz said the following at 10:56 AM on Jun 7
Hi Suzanne,
I can understand your concerns but I hope that you have contacted Camerin personally rather simply posting your objections on this blog. If not, otherwise, how is what is happening on this blog different from gossiping and cutting a fellow sister down about her view points. We must be careful to speak the truth but in love.
37. Suzanne said the following at 1:12 PM on Jun 7
Christy,
Funny you should ask. :) One of my new year's resolutions was to watch at least one TV show a week (I just never have time!). My friends thought that was funny. I chose Biggest Loser. I thought it was inspiring to see the contestants meet their goals and gain new confidence.
I'm thankful I don't have a lot of time to be tempted to watch TV, though. There have been seasons where I didn't make wise decisions in this area. With the help of the Holy Spirit, I'm striving toward consistency in the area of media.
38. Jeremy said the following at 2:48 PM on Jun 7
It frustrates me that so many Christians seem unable to distinguish between seeing immoral behavior and condoning that behavior. The act of seeing a film which contains premarital sex does not mean you accept that behavior as legitimate!
Imagine a film which contains a number of graphic scenes: a woman pretending to be a prostitute to seduce and have sex with her father, a man violently raping his sister, an army slaughtering entire cities including infants, millions and millions of people dying. I am sure the more astute reader can see where I am going with this -- the Bible contains each of these scenes. The Holy Scriptures contain depictions of evil behavior, and yet we are able to realize that this does not imply a blessing upon that behavior, nor does reading about it necessitate that we will act in that way (Garbage in, garbage out!). Why are so many Christians seemingly unable to make that same connection with art?
39. Tami said the following at 3:30 PM on Jun 7
Lana (26) - Do you have other info on that? I've honestly never heard that explanation for their destruction before so I'm genuinely curious.
I see support for that aspect of their destruction in Ezekiel 16:49: "'Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy."
However -- verse 50 says, "They were haughty and did detestable things before me." And the account in Genesis 19 makes it pretty clear that they were perverse.
All these have to do with the root cause of hardness of heart towards God (which also includes apathy, as you mentioned).
So I wouldn't say it was *only* because they ignored the poor, or *only* because of their perversity. I would say they were probably completely unrighteous in every sense of the word; hence, the outcome of total destruction.
Back to Sex and the City chat... :)
40. cn said the following at 4:36 PM on Jun 7
BDB, (#28)
It was absolutely on Thursday nights! HaHa! How did you guess? ;)
I don't know why I expected anything less! I mean, look at the first episode! Oh well. :)
41. Dan *real name* said the following at 7:05 PM on Jun 7
Quizno (post #8) and others to whom this may apply:
This is precisely why we as Christians need to be very sober and wise in choosing our entertainment and not be conformed to what Hollywood, or for that matter, anyone else says. I am speaking about the "urban male homosexuals" comment.
Regardless of what some secular reviewer, cartoon character, or whomever, says what show's characters really represent, I find it sad and sick that we Christians have absorbed our entertainment/celebrity culture so much that many of us play the "your gay!/are you gay?" card with our fellow male believers (YOUR brothers in Christ, BTW). Several times I have been hanging out with fellow Christian friends and someone had to play the card: "do you think he (some actor) is gay?", "your gay!" - this comment, by the way, was said to my close friend by a sister in Christ, and I was an unfortunate witness to this accusation. This kind of talk has NO PLACE among our brothers and sisters in Christ. Don't agree? Then please read Paul's epistles where he speaks of exhorting and encouraging one another, and praying for one another, and seeking peace (as far as it is possible with you).
Too often on this blog and on other web sites, there are many statements made that are unchristlike, like "hopeless" and "too late" - usually directed towards women in regards to their biological clock. Brothers, do you REALLY think that comments like these helps and encourages you sisters in Christ? Pastors, leaders, editors, do you really think that women are being encouraged in the faith and who they are as women when they are getting their fears and issues with singleness acknowledged and validated from "Sex and the City" and not in the Church and from their fellow believers?
In addition, comments such as "gay" or "eunuch" or "bad egg" or "creepy" directed towards unmarried men. Women, do you think that these kind of comments are helpful to your brothers in Christ? Do you think that this helps men put aside their fears and misbeliefs about singleness and marriage?
Quizno, I am not saying that you are guiltly of this kind of talk, but what you said in relation to this movie has struck a nerve in me. I am not advocating censorship of speech, but just hoping that we would be a little more wise in our choices, conversations, and behaviors.
I know that some reading or trolling this blog will ignore or mock my comments, but this is my $0.02, no apologies. I am truly thankful that the sister's that I do hand out with have not resorted to this kind of negative talk.
42. mary kate said the following at 9:09 PM on Jun 7
i watched the movie last friday. my sister in law wanted to see it, and i was visiting (staying with) her and my brother, so i went along. i had watched the show, but mostly only the edited versions on TBS. the few i saw on HBO definitely shocked me (in a not good way)
yes, the christian values of abstinence and purity are nonexistent in the movie. but last time i checked, forgiveness is an important biblical value, too.
i was blown away by how strong the theme of forgiveness was in the movie. i can't say much more without blowing the plot. but i will say that several characters have to make hard choices to forgive, and are encouraged by other characters to forgive those who have wronged them. i have more good stuff to say, but it'll give the plot away.
i was shocked, in a really good way. i thought the movie was really worth seeing.
and, i have to second DannieA's earlier comments. i'm 29, and, wow... it seems like everything is aimed toward 'young adults' who are just out of college (including a lot of boundless content) or married people. i know i can't turn to things like SATC for my identity, but i can take the good things from it.. things like strong female friendships between dynamically different women.
43. Josh Stevenson said the following at 10:11 PM on Jun 7
I flee Sex in the City because of the pathetically cliche, horrifically un-original character portrayals. Of course I'm a dude. so I really can't say much. There are other television shows with great writing and original characters that tempt me into wasting my time.
44. nikki said the following at 12:31 AM on Jun 8
I didn't read all the comments so I hope I'm not repeating anything. I read the article on CT and was disappointed and only slightly surprised.
I think we have to discern between promotion and portrayal. For the record, I've never seen any Sex and the City shows or the movie, and I probably never will. I don't think shows like this are necessarily wrong for PORTRAYING promiscuity or the complex lives of singles in their '30s. Most of the commenters here act like it's a horrible thing to have to see and sympathize with those who make poor choices and with loose morality. In reality, things like this happen every day. We should on one hand be repulsed by them but we should certainly not expect righteous behavior from unredeemed souls. And I am sure there is a lot of truth inherent in the portrayal of Carrie's life.
The difference, though, comes if and when Sex and the City PROMOTES this lifestyle. I've not seen it so I have no idea. On one hand, it appears that the film glamorizes a life of looseness and materialism; but on the other hand, some are saying the movie is depicting the ugliness of a life lived for one's self. I would tend to believe the former answer, if only because it seems unlikely that a television show could be so successful and still so truthful. Even if it does have a few vague positive qualities (and I'm sure it does), the movie seems to wallow in self-absorption and promiscuity.
I don't think there is ALWAYS something inherently wrong with watching a movie which accurately depicts immoral behavior and its consequences. But it does seem like the vast majority of Christians, including the author of the article in CT, badly need to spruce up their discernment skills. While I've never been too impressed by the discernment shown by CT in its movie reviews, this was probably the most blatant I've seen. (To be fair, I don't always care for the Plugged In reviews either.) If the movie can be said to promote promiscuity by glamorizing it or showing its opposite as repulsive, then as believers we should indeed be fleeing from this movie and others like it.
45. Melissa said the following at 9:58 AM on Jun 8
What I find interesting about these types of discussions is that people in general tend to forget that they are not just watching a fictional sex act on the screen, but that they are watching REAL actors committing REAL sins. If these actors/actresses are married, they're committing adultery right in front of our eyes. If they're single, fornication.
It's so easy to compartmentalize what we see on the screen as "fantasy" vs. what we see in real life as "reality". But think of it this way: if Sarah Jessica Parker were in your guest bedroom doing what she does with a male actor in the show, would you sit and watch?
"The fear of the Lord is to hate all evil". 8:13
46. cn said the following at 10:26 AM on Jun 8
I'm reading a lot of comments, including Camerin Courtney's review that take the approach of this:
"Sex and the city does something for me that the church doesn't."
No matter what our circumstances are, we should never run to the world for comfort and condolence. If the body of believers we are with isn't supporting us emotionally, then that's just greater cause to go deeper and deeper into the Lord's heart for comfort. I would even say that going to the world for this comfort and validation will only make the struggles harder. It will turn your perspective inward instead of outward, and offer foolish solutions instead of Godly wisdom.
Anytime we justify anything potentially compromising - TV show, moving, behavior, whatever - with the fact that the church, my relationship with God, or the results of my obedient choices aren't meeting my needs or allowing me to feel validated, we're at huge risk to fall deceived into a sin pattern, and even a spirit of self-pity.
The thing that bothers me most about CT publishing Camerin's article is that it promotes this thinking, which has potential to be a huge stumbling block for believers.
Is the validation from a movie that Camerin herself labels as "materialist" and "soft-core porn" worth the seeds that are being sown?
A woman who mentored me in my late teens said, "when you feel the need to watch a chick flick to satisfy your ache to be a wife, instead take that time and sow seeds of prayer into your future family. Pray for your future marriage and your not yet born children."
I've held that with me for years and I'm seeing fruit. Not that I think chick flicks are sinful to watch, but it has been a better use of my time.
I'm sorry for those of you who don't feel validated by the church through your singleness. I hope this is something you will grow through and even help change.
47. Matt said the following at 3:22 PM on Jun 8
The idea that someone could actually compare Sex and the City with the Screwtape letters is rather obnoxious. Sorry. Lewis' point was to put temptation and sin in perspective! Not to give glorification to it!
I know as a guy I won't be seeing this movie because of obvious visual reasons. Somehow "flee from lust" (and by the way when did this become just a man's job?) doesn't mean running to it!
I have to admit that the Sex and the City girls seem to be the voices in the street calling out to men to come home with them, while Lady Wisdom is trying to show us another way. I have to admit I was a little disappointed that some of you, my sisters in Christ, would rather take dating advice from those ladies then the ultimate Lady whose ways do not lead to destruction!
48. Kelly said the following at 4:38 AM on Jun 9
I grew to love the show while watching the sanitized version. Here, FINALLY, was a show talking about what it was like to be a single woman dealing with making a life on her own, while still hoping for Mr. Right.
Because it's true, Christian single women, +25, tend to get ignored and told to "Keep serving graciouslly, someday God will bring your prince!" Whereas the show has been quite good for inspiring talking points between myself and other single women, both Christian and non-Christian.
Now... graphic sexual scenes do not cause me to stumble (in the way I imagine they impact men); they actually shock me. I wish they weren't in the film and I'd love to watch an edited version. However, I would like to point out that all of the main characters were in monogamous relationships and the challenge of fidelity was upheld.
I think it's IMPORTANT to have this show as a talking-point. As Christians, we can see clearly what worldy values are in it, at the same time, recognising issues that are common to women everywhere. e.g. Forgiveness, friendship, family, career versus children, even the idea of a wedding as a spectacle rather than a committment.
But I would caution men not to watch it because it causes visual stumbling whereas a lot of women just don't think like that. In the same vein as I do not enjoy ANY movie with violence in it, or jump-into-bed-right-away (even if the lighting is low), etc.... Why make a scapegoat of a movie just because it has "sex" in the title? At least it's honest instead of something like "27 Dresses" that hides it!
49. JD said the following at 4:38 AM on Jun 9
I've been reading the thread of this blog. A lot of valid points have been made, and I really don't have anything to contribute to them. However, I would ask a question, two questions really. The first one is this: if a non Jesus-follower were to view this, would they be able to see the unity and love that is supposed to define us as Christ-followers? The other question I have is related, where's the gentleness? I realize that we all make mistakes, and that other publications err. But doesn't our gracious Father look that much more amazing when we choose to be gentle in our answers?
50. RB said the following at 6:29 AM on Jun 9
I'm not so surprised that CT posted a moderately positive review of this movie. They've done the same for other movies with dubious values before, altho this may be a particularly blatant example. I think part of the problem is that exposure to secular movies results in adoption of secular values to a greater or lesser extent and hence the reviews start to align with those of secular critics who are similarly desensitized and preprogrammed. I appreciate the desire to engage the culture and I think that it shouldn't be avoided just because it's difficult or unpleasant or dangerous - but it does have its dangers and we shouldn't ignore them
51. BDB said the following at 9:58 AM on Jun 9
cn (#40) wrote:
>>It was absolutely on Thursday nights! HaHa! How did you guess? ;) <<
Hmmm...well, there was a show with good writing that, well, I realized it was a lot different than the medical missions trip I'm going on in a week...though I did discover that they have their own brand of scrubs...
>>I don't know why I expected anything less! I mean, look at the first episode! Oh well. :) <<
For a while there a few characters took marriage seriously...maybe that was just last season's finale...(SIGH) Back to the History Channel I guess...
52. Marie said the following at 1:41 PM on Jun 9
Thanks for this input ... as christians we are role models for younger christians and we absolutely can not say that it is ok to watch Sex and the City! I am 26 and can identify with being a single women and the feelings of lonliness and struggling, but I would never tell someone they should watch a movie or TV show with nudity. It doesn't matter how many of your other Christian friends are watching it. There are teens out there that are seeing all of this nasty stuff and it is affecting them! They are looking for Christian examples. At 26, I am looking for Christian examples. COME ON PEOPLE ...please be good examples for others!! I haven't read it, but have heard there is a book by a christian author called "Sex and the City: Uncovered." The author talks about how she was trying to live her life like the characters on Sex and the City and after many hopeless years of chasing after empty things, she finally found Christ. If your married or single, please try to shine your light for those singles that are trying to be sexually pure & lead a godly life...they need all of the encouragement and GOD'S TRUTH they can get!!
53. Ariel G. said the following at 7:25 PM on Jun 10
#14 Lana: "Maybe Christian males and females watch it because these things are not being discussed elsewhere by the Christian community."
I don't understand where in scripture we are encouraged to watch four complete strangers have unbiblical relationships in order to discuss God's standard for Christian relationships. Josh Harris has discussed at length issues of dating, purity, and the stress of living a holy life in a world that does not value God's standards. There are plenty of Christians talking, writing, and discussing this topic (we are doing so right now) but we surely don't need to watch SATC for 'guidance' on this issue.
#15 PLH: "Cassandra, the movie is not about their sexual exploits. The show may have been about their relationships at first but the characters all have one boyfriend, hsuband, etc during the movie...and have for a while on the show...."
I have to disagree with you strongly PLH! The four gals on SATC had MANY lovers during the show. Although these appeared to be one-at-a-time, that is still referred to as "serial monogamy" not exactly worthy of "relationship" status. Carrie Bradshaw alone had a minimum of ten lovers over the course of the show leading some fans to devote blog space to delineating her "serious boyfriends" to just those she had sex with. She seemed to change men as quickly as she changed her Manolo Blahniks!
#38 Jeremy: "It frustrates me that so many Christians seem unable to distinguish between seeing immoral behavior and condoning that behavior. The act of seeing a film which contains premarital sex does not mean you accept that behavior as legitimate!
It does when you pay $8.50 a ticket to see it, or rent it, or pay the cable company to carry a channel that will show it. We are not sitting innocently by on a street corner and having movies attack us and make us watch them! We are active agents when we attend the movie theater, choose a TV channel, or rent a film. Therefore, logically, you can see that since we are actively choosing to watch something, we are saying that it is an 'OK' film (i.e. condoning it).
Moreover, "holiness should inform art, not art holiness" (Wayne Wilson). Seriously, how can SATC give me "insight into how God would have us live our lives?!" Just curious.
AG
54. Lola said the following at 1:52 AM on Jun 12
Are you suggesting that it is sexually immoral to watch a movie that contains sexual immorality? If so, does this apply to other sins in other movies?
say for example, am i a witch/guilty of witchcraft if i watch the Lord Of The Rings movies?
or am i guilty of murder for reading the story of Cain and Abel?
55. Ted Slater said the following at 9:33 AM on Jun 12
Lola -- we are to "flee" sexual temptation, because our Creator recognizes that most of us can be strongly affected by it. We are to "resist" during other kinds of situations.
I imagine that most guys would be strongly affected by scenes that include, as the CT review states, "a lot of sex and nudity," including "a threesome, a naked man in a shower, some steamy makeup sex" and "sex scenes between married folk."
Do you really want to defend this movie, Lola? Do you really think it's "good," in the words of CT, to look "through the eyes of even the depraved" in this way? If so, where's the limit? "Debbie Does Dallas"? "Deep Throat"? "9 Songs"? Is there no limit to what we should experience to better empathize with "the depraved"?
Regarding your references to witchcraft and murder, yes, if you have a proclivity to practicing these sins, you should avoid movies that include them.
It continues to amaze me that any Christian would defend "SATC," let alone speak highly of it, let alone encourage other Christians to see it in order to become more culturally relevant. Lord help us.
56. Lynne Davis said the following at 8:34 AM on Jun 13
As Christian single women how can you believe that SATC shows a realistic view of being single. I am 41, married now for only one year. As a Christian single, I accepted the fact that God has bigger and better plans for me than I could dream of. It was He who guided me to my husband. The friendships these women have is catty, and unwholesome. True friends lead each other to Christ and encourage each other with the truth. If a freiend tells you you just need to buy another pair of shoes, have a drink, or get laid then they are not a FRIEND. Look at the examples of friendships in the Bible. David and Johnathan,Ruth and Naomi, Jesus to all of us! When we find contentment in who we are in Christ and where He has us at this moment, He adds to us. "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you." When I surrenderd my desires to Him and sought a meaningful, fulfilling realtionship with Him I found peace and joy and contentment. My family and friends prayed for my future husband. That God was raising up for me a godly husband. My husband loves me and is more than I coould have ever dreamed of. There are no men like him shown in any miovie or tv show. He is most appealing while praising God during worship. He prays for me and over me when I feel ill or am down. He is attracted to me now even though I have gained some weight and do not have all the latest fashions. None of that will you see on the big screen. You will be more likely to wait upon God to move in your life if you avoid these unrealistic shows, and ungodly ones at that. If your church is not meeting your needs, have you considered that God has placed it in you to START something in your church? I suggest you seek to build a singles ministry, but one that will not compromise godly values. I know what is like to be single and know your clock is ticking. I also know the peace that comes in my marriage from knowing we did this without compromise and with God leading the way. Hang in there sisters, but do it with God! Also, you need to be examples to the younger ones who have more availability to compromise than we did at their age. Always remember that what we watch and take in we inflict it upon a holy God that lives within us. He know the plans He has for you...Trust Him!
57. Lola said the following at 4:59 PM on Jun 13
Ted,
No, I'm not defending the movie. I was genuinely seeking to understand your position more clearly. The second and fourth paragraphs of your comment #55 has cleared things up.
Thanks
58. a christian friend said the following at 1:23 PM on Jun 24
ladies be comforted, i will state and obvious fact, even though you may not believe this fact, it is a FACT. There ARE more men on earth than women. The largest concentration of men being in asia. Also China is seeing a Christian revolution. Just imagine that at anymoment there are far more christian men than woman at any time in the world. The strategy should be to import english-speaking (educated) foreign Christian men as husbands for american christian women seeking husbands. Even black single christian ladies (who are pure and going into there 30s) There are more black men then women in the world. Weathly Middleclass Christian Places such as Ivory Coast, Certian cities in Gahna, even Christian parts of Middle East. Educated Christian men out number Christian women. So if i were a national pastor, civic leader, i would convien an international committee of christian singles and have offices in Christian parts of China and other Christian Concentrations of the world. Next i would direct these office to seek Gods will as to how to go about matching foreign Christian men with US-based Christian Women. I believe God can help bless this international project and in theory we could see millions of happy Christian marriages... and the only concession is a slight cultural adjustment...