We Remember by Tom Neven on 05/26/2008 at 12:01 AM

Today is Memorial Day, the day we honor those Americans who have given their lives in war. You might not know this from the newspaper or TV, though. The holiday seems to have become another excuse to sleep in and for retailers to sell everything from dryers to bed sheets. In fact, Memorial Day should be May 31, but since that's a Saturday this year, the government moved it up so we could all enjoy a long weekend.

If you're ever near Washington, D.C., be sure to stop by the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. Maya Lin's elegiac memorial is perfect, despite the controversy that erupted when her design was announced in the early 1980s. In fact, the two sculptures added to it "balance" it out -- overly literal figures of male and female soldiers -- actually detract from the deep symbolism of Lin's elegant design. Visitors leave mementos at the base of the wall that are deeply meaningful only to the person whose name is on the wall and the person who left it. In addition to the usual flowers, teddy bears and uniform items, one time I saw a 45-rpm record of "Devil in a Blue Dress" by Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels. What did that song mean to whoever left it? Which name on the wall was it intended for? It was a haunting sight, that simple black disc propped forlornly against the base of the wall.

The Korean War Memorial suffers in comparison, a hodgepodge of quasi-impressionistic sculptures and a polished granite wall containing images instead of names. It's as if the design committee couldn't decide what it wanted to be -- symbolic or literal. It settled for both. Personally, I think the Korean veterans deserve better.

The World War II Memorial, nearby on the Washington Mall, is huge and sprawling, as was the conflict it memorializes. Its classical design is split into two halves, one for the Atlantic Theater and one for the Pacific. For a while after it opened, people would leave mementos around the memorial as they do at the Vietnam Wall. Faded photos of young men in uniform, their hats tipped at a jaunty angle, provoked deep melancholy. Even if those brave young men are still alive, they would be in their 70s and 80s. Thousands of their generation die every day.

That memorial is especially meaningful to me, even though Vietnam was my generation's war. You see, I have two dads memorialized in the World War II plaza. My biological father, Eugene, died six weeks before I was born. He served in an Army Air Corps unit that flew The Hump, supplying British, Australian, and American units in China and Burma. I have a few old photos of him with his brother Paul, in uniform on leave in Tehran, Iran, broad smiles belying the world-changing conflagration they were part of. I know my father only from these photos and the stories told me by my Uncle Paul, Aunt Mary and my mom.

My other dad, Francis -- it feels strange to call him my step-dad, since he's the father who raised me –- fought in Europe. I don't know much about what he did, because he never talked about it, even when questioned. I do know he refused to see Saving Private Ryan. He is now in his 80s, suffering from Parkinson's disease and Alzheimer's in a veteran's home in Iowa. He is long past remembering anything he did in the war.

I will mark Memorial Day in remembrance of them and their generation, especially, but I will also remember all the young men and women who have died in all of America's wars for the past 232 years. Yes, I plan to barbecue some burgers and brats, too; there's nothing wrong with celebrating. But please, as you celebrate, remember the true meaning of the day and thank a veteran.

Thanks, Dad. Both of you.

Comments

[1. BDB said the following at 12:16 AM on May 26]

1

Thanks for the reminder - I need to put out the flag this morning.

I remember the controversy about the Vietnam Memorial. The last time I was in D.C., I was struck by how quiet people got walking past it. Up close, no one doubts the relevance of the design.

What I remember seeing was that someone had unfolded an envelope and written a letter on it. It's almost as if they hadn't planned to leave anything, but were so moved after they arrived.

[2. Scott L. said the following at 8:18 AM on May 26]

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May God bless our veterans. I am grateful for the freedom that they fought and died for.

God Bless the USA

[3. Vincenzo said the following at 9:37 AM on May 26]

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I have an uncle who fought in Vietnam and he rarely speaks about it. The veterans I've talked with don't really discuss their war experiences. To them, it was a job that they were sent to finish and then move on with life.

[4. Margaret said the following at 10:55 AM on May 26]

4

I just got back from watching the wreath-laying ceremony and President Bush's speech in Arlington Cemetery. As the proud daughter of a career serviceman, with many friends currently in uniform, I am especially touched and thankful when people take that moment to pause and reflect on the lives and sacrifices of our military.

[5. Nat Quesenberry said the following at 12:08 PM on May 26]

5

Thanks Tom,
I went to Washington DC, and the WWII Memorial with my grandpa, and a group of his buddies from the Marines. It really chokes me up to think of it, not only because of what those men did, but because they acted like it was nothing special. My Grandpa died a few years ago.
I grew up in Nepal and in Thailand, and later in Malaysia, and in each of those countries there are reminders of the war. Many Nepalis (Gurkhas)served- some, in the CBI, alongside Americans. In Thailand there are massive cemetaries for POWs from the Japanese death camps at Kanchanaburi, along the River Kwai.
I can't help but contrast the way Asians by and large respect courage and sacrifice and honor with the way Americans denigrate, mock, or ignore all three. We had a college class yesterday, the day before memorial day, and were talking about love. Nobody mentioned the love it took for people like my grandpa to suffer bodily for their comrades and their country and ultimate sacrifce paid by those dead who are buried at Kanchanaburi or in hundreds of towns around the United States and in graves in France and Belgium and Great Britain.

[6. Tami said the following at 12:26 PM on May 26]

6

Thanks, Tom.

Yesterday someone made a correlation between the way we might view all the lists of names in the Hebrew Scriptures, and the names on the Vietnam Memorial. At first we might just look at them briefly, buzz through them quickly, or ignore them outright. But even if we don't know the people to whom those names were attached, we can pause and remember that the stories of our lives -- and our history -- wasn't just brought about by "people" but by individuals working and serving in concert with one another. In many cases, by our ancestors, or by the ancestors of the people who live down the block.

God bless all who served and are serving now.

[7. Louise said the following at 4:27 PM on May 26]

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The traditional date for Memorial Day is May 30, not May 31.

Sometime during the 1970s the federal government decided to move the holiday observation date to the last Monday in May, so as to always result in a three day weekend.

So...this year Memorial Day is observed on Monday May 26th, today!

:)

[8. Joseph said the following at 1:38 AM on May 28]

8

From Baghdad to wherever you find yourself reading this, give your respects.
This being the 3rd Memorial day out of country and the first in Iraq, enjoy the freedoms we stand for.