High Expectations For Young Adults
by Ted Slater on 05/27/2008 at 12:26 PM
It's a lie, one promoted for millennia, that we shouldn't expect much from teens and 20-somethings.
The lie goes something like this: "They're still maturing, still learning how to be grown-ups, and are really unable to take on much responsibility or make much of an impact on those around them, let alone the world."
The truth is, though, that youth does not disqualify one from making a difference, from being an example to others.
I think of the teen recently elected as mayor of Hillsdale, Mich. and the teen elected to the Bedford, Texas city council. I'm inspired by these young men's leadership and pursuit of responsibility.
And then there's David Brainerd, a 20-something who back in the 1700s significantly impacted the early evangelical movement in America and around the world. David Barshinger, in his Boundless article "Young Passion," introduces us to this remarkable young man, a man who, though he never reached his 30s, inspired Francis Asbury and William Carey and others to take the gospel to those who'd never heard it.
Barshinger concludes:
Much more could be said about David Brainerd, including his dedicated practice of prayer, his mastery and application of Scripture, and his emphasis on growing in grace. He devoted his life, his breath, his body to God. He teaches us, through struggles, how we too can glorify God and devote ourselves passionately and sacrificially to God's kingdom.
May I be inspired by young adults who, in their humble pursuit of God's will, exceed cultural expectations. And may their examples prompt me to exceed the low expectations set for me.
1. Louise said the following at 12:39 PM on May 27:
Mr. Slater, your post appears to lump high school students and those over the age of twenty in the same maturity category, a classification which I find bewildering.
IMO, one cannot expect the same level of judgement and behavior from a sixteen year old that one can expect from an adult in his/her twenties.
That's why law requires that people under the age of eighteen reside with a guardian.
If someone under the age of eighteen behaves like an adult, consider it a welcome and refreshing bonus, but it is not reasonable to hold identical expectations for high school aged people and those in their twenties!
2. Ted Slater said the following at 12:49 PM on May 27:
Please note, Louise, that the two teens I referenced in my fourth paragraph are 18 and 19, respectively.
That said, I do believe 16-year-olds are capable of great things. Check out this article for some examples of other teens who did remarkable things. From the article: "David Farragut, who became the U.S. Navy's first Admiral at age 65, was given command of his first ship at age 12." I find that inspiring!
I'm meaning no condemnation for those who aren't making headlines during their teens or 20s. I am instead encouraging teens and 20-somethings to reject the culture of low expectation and to, even in their "young" age, aspire to live remarkable lives.
3. Ryan said the following at 4:06 PM on May 27:
I agree with you Ted. However, I do believe that teens are still somewhat in a learning stage. But, ideally, their parents would have instructed them in the different ways of being responsible that they would have, in their late teens, taken it upon themselves to pursue their own life.
In my honest opinion, a teen should have to buy their first car (I didn't, but my children will). A teen should move out on their own accord (but this can be very circumstantial). AND I think they should pay their own way through college (Which I am doing right now), whether it be through their own hard-earned money from a job, scholarship, etc.
It's all about basic responsibility to be able to live in this country today. It's not about doing anything great. If a child/young adult has ambition, then let them have ambition, but it's pretty basic to expect them to be able to fend for themselves.
I don't believe that great things are done by those who are handed resources; rather, they are done by those who gather resources, earn them, and then apply them to create greatness.
4. Meredith said the following at 5:47 PM on May 27:
It's a lie, one promoted for millennia, that we shouldn't expect much from teens and 20-somethings.
I would say it's a stretch to say that this lie has been promoted for millenia. G. Stanley Hall is the psychologist credited with first promoting and studying the concept of adolescence - at the turn of the 20th century. For much of human history, people were expected to transition from childhood to adulthood fairly rapidly. From about the age of 12, they were (and are still in many cultures) expected to take on adult responsibilities as much as possible. Unfortunately in this country adolescence continues to stretch further and further until even people in their 30s often still act like teenagers.
Sadly Christians have bought into this cultural shift hook, line, and sinker. As a 20-something myself, it is discouraging to have such difficulty finding peers who are interested in acting like adults - even in the church. I am one of the few people my age who came back from college and jumped right into ministry with the other "grown-ups". Thankfully I enjoy having friends of all ages, but I wonder how long the church will survive if the younger generations continue to balk at the prospect of having the torch passed to them!
5. Ariana said the following at 6:42 PM on May 27:
Maybe it would be silly to "expect" that a 16 year old would have the understanding, discretion, etc. of someone in their 20s or 30s. But perhaps the point for us to take away is that the standard shouldn't be lowered for teenagers and young adults just because they're young.
Most children spend a good amount of their time growing up learning how to behave, and learning that they need to act more this way, or less that way, and that's the responsibility of adults to make sure kids learn that stuff.
But somehow (speaking as a young 20-smtg) once teenage and young adult years are reached, society tends to lower the standard to accommodate what is essentially immaturity just becuase...well, I'm not sure why. But, I do believe, as the post shows, that most teenagers and young adults are certainly capable of "adult" maturity even if they don't act like it.
I have really found that when adults treated me like an adult, that helped me to flourish and to gain maturity, and I think it would be great to see more of a trend in that direction.
6. Joseph said the following at 1:32 AM on May 28:
Thanks for posting this Ted. I lament too often that the majority of the young adults and youth don't realize their potential and often squander the best years of their lives.
I find it odd how 60 years ago it was somewhat common that an 18-24 year old would be out on their own, probably fighting a war, raising a family, being functional contributing adults and now it seems as far as society looks at the 18-24 age group, the closest thing to an expectation is not to commit an felonies.
7. Holly (single, non-parent one) said the following at 8:22 AM on May 28:
Great post, Ted, though a little hyperbolic (millenia? 1,000 years ago, wasn't 20 middle-aged?) :-)
In my experience, it's all about expectations. People, be they four year old people or forty year old people, live up or down to our expectations. The sensei of my martial arts school expects the small children to pay attention and focus, refrain from whispering or wiggling, and in all other ways act like the adults. And you know what? They do. The most I've heard him have to correct any behavior is saying a name sharply twice in a one-hour class. That's it. If a four year old can spend a solid hour learning a complicated kata, then a sixteen year old can certainly spend eight hours a day working, not playing video games. May our expectations be raised closer to our true potential, potential we can achieve because of His grace!
8. Ted Slater said the following at 8:36 AM on May 28:
Some of you think low expectations for "young" people is something relatively new. While "adolescence" is truly a recent construct, people for thousands of years have indeed looked down on "young" people.
Consider the verse I referenced, 1 Timothy 4:12, for example:
"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."
That Paul included such an encouragement to Timothy implies that some people were in fact prone to "look down on" him because of his age.
While it's true that many "young" people (I put that in quotes because it's a squishy term) are immature, many are exceedingly mature. And more *could* step up to the plate if they knew what their God-given potential really was.
The young men I referenced in my post are examples of the kind of potential many young adults have within them. I think you have a lot of potential as well, more than you may think.
9. John D. said the following at 8:50 AM on May 28:
Meredith (post 4) wrote:
"Sadly Christians have bought into this cultural shift [of prolonged adolescense] hook, line, and sinker."
I suppose we have, but the Bible has little if anything to say about what constitutes adolescence (a concept foreign to Scripture) or adulthood.
Joseph (post 6) writes:
" ... the majority of the young adults and youth don't realize their potential and often squander the best years of their lives."
Where is it written that the young adult years are the best years of our lives? I'm finding that my 30s and 40s have in many ways been a lot better than my late teens.
10. Tom Neven said the following at 8:59 AM on May 28:
As a 20-year-old in the Marines I led around a squad of 18- and 19-year-olds with loaded weapons. A lot of was expected of us, and a lot was given in return.
In the Army, Navy and Air Force you have young people in their late teens and early 20s in charge of multi-million dollar aircraft and other high-tech equipment. As Holly (#7) correctly says, it's all about expectations.
11. Mike Theemling said the following at 9:45 AM on May 28:
Whenever a thesis like this one comes around, people have to be careful and not assume that just because a few people may have bucked the trend that everyone else did as well. Furthermore, implying that everyone else should buck the trend.
Thesis: Expect great things from teens/early 20's (I'll use "teen" as a term covering both age groups)
Evidence: The expectations on prior generations were higher, plus there are some examples of some doing that today, therefore more teens should be doing the same.
Counter-argument #1: Exceptional teens are just that, the exception, not the rule. Just because one can cite a few examples of prodigies and standouts does not mean every teen is cut out to be a leader or a pioneer in a field.
Counter-argument #2: Societal dynamics (which is related to expectations) affect what is pragmatically possible. The fact is in this country at least, that unless a teen plans to live off the land, in order to earn a decent living he needs to devote a fair amount time towards education. With most people, this is non-negotiable: 12 years of Elementary & Secondary education. Then it's either college, the military, or some vocational/trade schooling.
In past generations before the Industrial Revolution such devoted time was either unavailable or unnecessary (because one could learn the trade of his parents or most economies were agriculturally based which didn't require that much formal education). But today that is the expected norm and salaries are directly proportional to education levels.
Having said that though, I do think it's reasonable to expect more from young people than we do now, whether in terms of academic achievement or added responsibilities. The bulk of the blame though I believe falls upon the parents. They are largely in control of how a child/teen spends her time. Parents who buy cars for their teens without strings, don't enforce curfews, make sure their teens do well in school, etc.; these are some examples of things that will not accelerate the maturity process.
Finally, I'd like ask, "What are considered 'high expectations' according to the author's definition?" Does it have to require the making headlines? All the examples seem to indicate it requires some kind of extraordinary feat or calling. But what about the article that Boundless recently published entitled, "The Beauty of a Commonplace Life"? There could be confusion between the issues of maturity and accomplishment.
12. Sarah P. said the following at 2:30 PM on May 28:
The search for greater maturity is one reason many of the first wave of Christian homeschoolers made their choice to teach their children at home in the 1980s. From age six, I was helping pack orders for mailing in our mail-order business. At age eleven, I taught myself QuarkXPress and Photoshop and made my own story newsletter with thirty-five subscribers. :D And then from age fourteen until college, I was answering phones and pretty much taking charge of our "office" full-time.
I would say that life can be pretty solitary for a kid who actually has to work hard, but this is good for living life well later.
13. Leah said the following at 6:52 PM on May 28:
Ted,
Timothy was young for a ministry position. If anyone looked down on him, they were looking down on and doubting his ability to do things within the ministry capacity. They would not have been looking down on his ability to fend for himself, raise a family, travel responsibly, etc etc. That is NOT saying that people in his day didn't "expect much from teens and 20-somethings".
I think Holly and Meredith were right in saying that the idea this lie has been perpetuated for millenia is a bit of a stretch.
14. Tami said the following at 8:24 PM on May 28:
Then there's the new 19-year-old mayor of Muskogee, OK... who is also a professed gamer! :)
15. Esther said the following at 8:17 AM on May 31:
I think it's unfair to pull one or two examples of exceptional young people out of history, and use those to shame the entire generation of today. Certainly, there were wonderful things done by young men and women in the past, but for each of those, there were multitudes of their contemporaries who were leading quiet, normal lives of one sort or another- dying in wars, raising families, going to church, supporting missionaries, etc.
I am just as frustrated with the culture of immaturity in our generation as anyone, but I see too that we have our exceptions, in the form of young men and women who break the mold and achieve the amazing, both spiritually and professionally (like my classmate in college who played two varsity sports, worked on the Mars Rover project, and just ran the Boston Marathon)
Just a (somewhat related) question to throw out there, since I had an argument with a friend about it last week: is it appropriate to live on food stamps in college? It isn't illegal, at least in the state where I went to school, and many students do it, but is it immoral?
16. Ted Slater said the following at 9:55 AM on May 31:
Ester, it was not my intention to bring shame on anyone. My intention, as I implied in my OP, was that these accounts inspire young adults to greatness (a term that I'll leave you to define for yourself).
17. Ruth said the following at 6:06 AM on Jun 3:
I agree that both teens and young adults are in a learning phase. But I find so many who have been brought up in the church their whole lives are living lives almost identical to secular ones. Teens and young adults can learn about the world around them while they live as Godly men and women of God. There has to be a point where young adults have to be willing to lead. The Harris brothers are great examples. That is not to say that we all will be as influential. It is unreal how much potential and influence teens and young adults pocess in everyday life.