Grace and Gay Men
by Denise Morris on 04/11/2008 at 1:59 PM
Boundless published a very powerful article this week called "Grace and Gay Men." The author, Randy Thomas, talks about an area where the Church has faltered:
Over the past 20-plus years there have been valiant efforts to humanize the AIDS issue with regard to African American community, drug abusers and orphans in Uganda. The thing is, when it comes to gay identified males ... the corporate Church has been estranged and reluctant.
Thomas talks about his own experience of losing his former partner to AIDS -- the grief he experienced and his community of gay friends who helped him through the difficult time. He also talks about his fear of waiting to find out if he had AIDS -- a process that took months before his tests finally showed negative results.
Thomas points out that his gay friends warned him about being too promiscuous, they comforted him during his loss, and ultimately, they loved him. The true love he found in his friends was helpful to him, while "the rantings of TV preachers fell on deaf ears."
He concludes his article by pointing out something interesting, and perhaps uncomfortable for some of us:
Do you think Christ used a gay man's hands to wipe away my tears at 3:15 a.m. in a Nashville restaurant, as I mourned the loss of Ron and feared for my own life? Do you think Christ was using a gay man's hands to hold my own as I grappled with "inconclusive" test results? Is it possible that Jesus goes places that the Church is sometimes afraid to?
I would really encourage you to read this article. It's powerful and asks some good questions. What do you think?
1. Jane said the following at 2:02 PM on Apr 11:
best article ive ever read on boundless, bar none.
2. Christina said the following at 2:26 PM on Apr 11:
Is it possible that Jesus goes places that the Church is sometimes afraid to?
That I know is true.
Reminds me of the song by Chris Rice
C'mon Becky, let's go for a ride
If I'm driving too fast then I apologize
But there's a world out there that we left behind
Full of souls as important as yours and mine
Looks like a reckless road, and a sacrifice
And I'm crazy scared it may cost our lives
But then I remember Jesus died
So c'mon Becky
Let's go for a ride
I don't think its not possible.
3. Matt S said the following at 2:34 PM on Apr 11:
Re: #1
I second that
4. a sassy sister said the following at 2:47 PM on Apr 11:
I think it's a great article.
5. Matthew said the following at 3:35 PM on Apr 11:
I applaud Boundless for being so bold; honestly, I'm surprised that this is getting out there. It speaks to a sound theology of the sovereignty of God, the common grace of God, and the love of God. It should be a splash of cold water in our face to wake us up and see how we in the church need to have the sort of comforting, ministering love like Gary did. Bravo, Boundless, and keep up the good work printing the truth even when it is difficult, painful, and complicated.
6. Andrew R. (aka Canadian Boy) said the following at 4:13 PM on Apr 11:
It's the first article I've ever read on an evangelical website that actually cast gay people in a positive light. No mention of ex-gay therapy, no talk about them wanting to destroy marriage... it wasn't judgmental.
I gotta says that again: this was an article on Boundless that dealt with gays without being judgmental. It was... loving.
Wow.
I pray that this is the first of many.
7. Bonnie said the following at 4:20 PM on Apr 11:
This is a difficult subject for many Christians because most of us don't know where to draw the line between compassion and tolerance. A year and a half ago our only daughter revealed that she is homosexual. We love her very much and treat her the same as always, but it is the reality of her homosexuality that has helped her Father and I and other relatives to really think about our own attitudes towards the gay community; it has helped us to know where that line is drawn. God uses all things to work toward good for those who love Him and keep His commands; no matter how painful.
8. Rachael said the following at 4:54 PM on Apr 11:
I am glad that the global AIDS issue is becoming more humanized to increase awareness, sensitivity, and action. I am not surprised that ministry to gay communities is lacking in churches. I wonder if more churches would embrace it more readily if they discover people with those struggles in the congregation or if the church is located in an area where homosexuality is more rampant or openly practiced (though I realize it is everywhere...). Perhaps many churches simply don't know how to offer support specifically in this area or how to find people to minister to (though hopefully if people are coming out of the gay lifestyle and into Christianity they will feel comfortable attending church and be surrounded by a loving community). Hopefully all of us Christians will become better at loving people from all backgrounds.
With regard to the last excerpt from the article in this post, I think God can provide grace and love to non-Christians who pour this out on others.
9. Nicole said the following at 4:56 PM on Apr 11:
I thought this article was amazing. It was loving toward gay men. A very close friend of mine is gay and he's smart and an incredible person, and it breaks my heart how lost he is from Christ and how dangerous his lifestyle is.
I find many people, especially in my church, seem to think I'm crazy and judge me for considering him one of my closest friends. I can discuss interesting topics with him and I love that. And I pray every night for him and for an opportunity to be more of a witness to him. He keeps looking to me to judge him, to tell him he's going to hell because he's attracted to men. Most of the church does. I've chosen to tell him that I think it's wrong but that Jesus and I both love him. And I was impressed by this article extending love.
Thanks!
10. S said the following at 5:28 PM on Apr 11:
Nicole - ditto
11. Jethro said the following at 5:46 PM on Apr 11:
Kudos Boundless, you've done yourself proud.
12. C said the following at 6:44 PM on Apr 11:
wow... thank you so much for this article. i am a deeply committed christian working for a secular organization that serves local residents living with hiv/aids. the american church's failure (in many, though not all, cases) to respond with true compassion to neighbors within our own borders who are affected by this disease has really bothered me. in my opinion this is the best thing that has come out of focus on the family in a long time. thank you so much to fotf, boundless, and especially to randy thomas for your courage and compassion. may God bless and continue this good work...
13. Randy said the following at 9:10 PM on Apr 11:
Thank you Denise for blogging about the article and thank you all for your encouragement. It is very exciting to see the Body of Christ step into this area of need with the redemptive heart I know He has toward those dealing with HIV and the gay identified community.
14. Samantha said the following at 11:57 AM on Apr 12:
We can't forget that along with showing love, Jesus's attitude was also "go and sin no more."
15. Brenna Kate Simonds said the following at 6:23 PM on Apr 12:
Amazing article.
16. Charles Loukus said the following at 7:01 AM on Apr 13:
Great piece. Let's remember to give Grace to non-gay single men, as well.
17. Kevin said the following at 7:32 AM on Apr 13:
"If you want to live you better quit acting like a slut! If some redneck doesn't kill you AIDS will!"
This sounds like a warning to me, and a pretty in-your-face one. So why is it that this warning was so effective and yet the warnings from the Bible and the churches were falling on deaf ears? I mean, the warning from the churches tells the same thing except instead of warning about killing your physical life, it warns of killing your spiritual life. Isn't homosexuality something the Bible warns about? Isn't it something we're supposed to warn people about as well? Why do people point the finger at the churches for warning the world that homosexuality is wrong?
18. Cameron said the following at 3:27 PM on Apr 13:
I have to commend you guys for posting this. I live in San Francisco and I've got a number of gay frieds. I've often struggled with the concept of how to approach the issue. Truthfully, I am generally put off by how the Church treats the subject with fire, brimstone, and slander rather than genuine concern. Granted, I have no suggestions of how it should be approached, but it's refreshing to hear a Christian publication allowing the other side of the issue to speak. Way to go guys! This sparks more critical thinking than any TV minster shouting at the top of his lungs.
19. Leah said the following at 8:58 PM on Apr 13:
I hate it when people think that just because someone is anti-homosexuality, they must also hate homosexuals. Those types of people need to read this article. I know the following quote is a bit cliche and is flawed, but I think it is right for this situation: hate the sin, love the sinner.
20. Leah said the following at 9:00 PM on Apr 13:
Oh, and as for the question "Is it possible that Jesus goes places that the Church is sometimes afraid to?", I don't think you can read the bible and honestly answer "no" to that.
21. Angela said the following at 8:29 AM on Apr 14:
I loved this article! Thanks so much for writing it. I think that, if the church could see gay men not as "others" but as equals (we are all sinners in need of a savior) we would be much better at loving and helping them. We are too busy judging to love!
22. Carrie (the original) said the following at 10:50 AM on Apr 14:
Kevin asked So why is it that this warning was so effective and yet the warnings from the Bible and the churches were falling on deaf ears?
Because warnings from the Bible need to be accepted in faith. This particular warning was just good, common sense.
Being gay in the 21st century, however, is a little different than being gay in the 80s. Now, when people come out of the closet, they are given methods of how to avoid STDs/AIDS/HIV. They know how to practice safe sex. It's not as scary anymore. That is what saddens me. AIDS was a warning to homosexuals. Now, with a just a few years of research, people have figured out how to avoid the disease.
The Church must now go deeper than enstilling fear in "struggling" men and women. They have to get to the heart of the matter. However, many gay men believe that they were created to be gay. They believe this very strongly.
The Church needs to stop giving pre-packaged answers for these sorts of beliefs. Pre-packaged answers don't solve these deeply held beliefs.
23. Julia said the following at 11:47 AM on Apr 14:
This was an incredible article!
I have never fully shared my testimony with anyone, because I came to Christ in large part through a lesbian relationship with a Christian. I know now that the relationship was unhealthy, and have mercifully been brought into a loving Biblical community and no longer struggle with same-sex attraction.
However, I have always felt confused by my own story, and have been hesitent to share it with fellow Christians. This article helped illustrate a point I have always known: our God is very Great, and we should not limit Him by supposing there are communities or individuals through which He can not work. I may not understand my own testimony, but I understand that. And I understand that Jesus loved me enough to have come and found me where I was, regardless of how deep the pit I'd crawled into was.
Thank you Boundless, for this article. I pray that God would use it to help us all understand the potential He sees in everyone.
24. Jessica said the following at 3:02 PM on Apr 14:
It is an amazing article, and I would say one of the best I have read on Boundless. I appreciate the freedom Randy was given to use rather "raw" (compared to general FOTF stuff) language to tell the story and paint a vision for the church. I would agree that Christ used those men in Randy's life. This is just one example of the greatness and holiness of God, and how it goes beyond anything we could ever imagine.
25. Sarah22 said the following at 5:57 PM on Apr 14:
"Now, with a just a few years of research, people have figured out how to avoid the disease."
Yes, at least that's what the public wants you to believe...people are not avoiding it, they are just living longer with it....
Just like they want you to believe that teens are actually capable of practicing "safe sex".
26. Kevin said the following at 7:25 PM on Apr 14:
Interesting. I think the warning being given is very clear, that indulging in homosexuality is wrong. What this article and Matthew and Carrie (the original) and many of the other posters on this topic are aiming at may be the best way to handle it, and it may not be. We as a group need to be very careful that this attitude toward homosexuality doesn't start to become softer and more tolerant of it because it would seem to me that this attitude makes homosexuality seem "not that bad." Gays should be welcomed in the church and treated like anyone else, because we are all sinners. And by treating them like anyone else in the church, that includes rebuking. Just like if someone in the church was an adulterer, or a liar, or a child abuser, or any other thing you can think of, it must be rebuked. The church is made up of sinners. However the idea is that these sinners are repentant sinners. Unrepenting sinners are SUPPOSED to feel very uncomfortable in the church, and a homosexual sinner who still practices homosexuality is no exception.
27. Becky F. said the following at 10:14 PM on Apr 15:
Kevin (#26) makes a pretty good point about being careful that we do not become tolerant of the sin of homosexuality when we show love to those who commit the sin.
I think a big problem with homosexuality is that people who have an attraction to members of the same gender assume the label "gay" or "lesbian". We don't label people with other sins as much. It does happen with some other sins, which are mostly sexually-related (child abusers, sex-offenders), but the sin does eventually get overlooked as the person repents and changes, whereas those who engage in homosexual sin fall into the lifestyle that has become so acceptable in society.
I don't know if I said this clearly, or made any sense to people. Just my thoughts.
28. Leah said the following at 9:21 AM on Apr 16:
Kevin, nobody is saying we should accept homosexuality. They are saying we should accept homosexuals. Just like we should accept liars, but not accept lies. And we should accept cheaters, but not accept cheating.
You say We as a group need to be very careful that this attitude toward homosexuality doesn't start to become softer. What attitude toward homosesxuality? The post did not give an attitude towards homosexuality. It gave an attitude towards homosexuals, PEOPLE. I don't know about you, but I'm totally up for accepting- no, LOVING- sinners. No-one said we should tolerate unrepentant sin within the church. We are talking about sinners OUTSIDE the church who are not yet aware of their sin. You can't command a non-Christian to follow God's laws, because they're not yet convinced of God's laws. You have to love and convert them first.
29. Kevin said the following at 3:41 PM on Apr 16:
" You can't command a non-Christian to follow God's laws, because they're not yet convinced of God's laws. You have to love and convert them first."
I disagree. Jesus commanded us to repent and be baptized, not be converted first, and then repent later. They both go together. You can't say, "oh, I'm a Christian, I just haven't started repenting yet." We're told to flee from our sins, not gradually indulge in them less and less over time.
And God's laws were commanded to ALL people, not just Christians. If they were only commanded to Christians, then non-Christians wouldn't have to follow the law which means they wouldn't be guilty of sin. So actually, non-Christians have already been "commanded" by God himself to follow his laws, whether they're convinced of them or not.
30. E said the following at 11:57 PM on Apr 16:
This is branching off on a different but related topic: I would be interested to see what Boundless thinks about Christians participating in the Day of Silence that is coming up later in April. I used to have the idea that the Day of Silence was an event supporting homosexuality, but after reading the Boundless article on reaching out in love to these our fellow sinners, I decided to actually figure out what it was about and if it might be an avenue to open doors for serious conversation with some of my gay friends. Day of Silence, to the best of my understanding, is not about supporting homosexuality, but about opposing the harassment and persecution that homosexuals often go through because of their sexual orientation. I think that if we as Christians participated in the Day of Silence, it might create opportunities for witnessing and conversation with homosexual friends and acquaintances. What does FOTF and Boundless think about the Day of Silence, and (if you're allowed to say) would you recommend it as an effective way to reach out to homosexuals in love?
31. Jo said the following at 1:29 AM on Apr 17:
Kevin,
You and Leah are both right - but the issue is how we help homosexuals (or anyone) to see that they need Jesus? I think it depends. I think very often unconditional love and acceptance of the person is key. I also think honest rebuke of the sin is sometimes effective. Note that both of these techniques were employed by Jesus, usually in conjunction.
I do agree with Leah though that targeting a particular sin is usually unhelpful when someone is not a believer in Christ. Conversion and repentance do go hand in hand, but Biblical repentance can't happen without being convinced of God's sovereignty, our failure to please Him and His love in sending Jesus - I would argue that there IS an order there. Condemning homosexuality to a non-believer will only work if he has already been convicted of God's sovereignty. 1 Peter says that as His witnesses, we're called to model His love, grace and truth, and explain our faith with gentleness and respect when we are asked (and I suspect sometimes when we're not). There has to be a balance of love and rebuke, or we're misrepresenting God.
32. a sassy sister said the following at 9:17 AM on Apr 17:
jo,
well said.
33. Andrew R. (aka Canadian Boy) said the following at 10:51 AM on Apr 17:
Kevin (comment 29),
I don't see it working. Trying to convince a non-believer to follow God's laws is like a Muslim trying to convince you to follow Allah's laws (well, the ones that don't overlap with Judaic law). If people don't believe it, why would they follow the law?
E,
I think participating in the Day of Silence would be an extremely loving thing to do. I have plenty of Christian friends who disagree with homosexuality but still participate, because they believe that no one should be bullied or assaulted. I'd do it, but there's no way I can go a whole day without talking. :-P
34. Njeri Pringle said the following at 6:50 AM on Apr 23:
I think so many times that sins of commission are so readily on display, that we slap a label on it and then box it up. We labeled ourselves the Church and boxes ourselves up in this package that has a cellophane wrapping. We are constantly on display, but are we spelling out our ingredients. We say with our mouths that we are Christian "Christ Like" but without the love and grace that he constantly shows us and others. I have friends that don't believe and I sometimes get frustrated but then I'm like what's there to draw them to Christ, if I am not a display of his love and grace...how will he ever "see Christ." Recently, I wrote a poem that sums up my view:
Functioning Hypocrite
Like most functioning alcoholics or addicts
You’ve adopted ways to try to fool others
But just like alcoholic slur their speak or stumble when walking
So, has your life as a Christian been
Yeah you put on the church face
And smile through the pain
Laugh off the insults
And endure the isolation
But you are really sad inside
Really broken
Really vulnerable
And at time pathetic
Because like the alcoholics
You are more fooled by your act
Than others
You really think that you can “be perfect”
But then like the alcoholic demon
You have two conversation going on in your head
The one that uncovering every flaw and hidden thing
And the other that is trying desperately not to be drawn into all things “dead”
You want to live outside of the prison you’ve created for yourself
You want so desperately not to care what others think
You want so desperately to “live in liberty”
But like most wars, liberty comes at a price
The price may include loneliness
May include a brokenness
May include a submission that makes you relinquish that false sense of control
And ultimately name the thing that serves as the metal on your cage
FEAR
You’re afraid of so many things
But mostly of the thought that if you submit it all
That the things God wants most for your will never be the things you want most for yourself
35. a sassy sister said the following at 9:27 AM on Apr 23:
to Njeri:
(snapping fingers) really good...thanks for sharing! :)